The realisation that I'm not an avid vegetable gardener, and with my current life never will be. I've removed everything to do with growing seeds and small plants, keeping just 1 good basic set for later.
Letting go of this fantasy-me has given me so much breathing space! And it didn't cost me a penny :)
This is so important.
It was was eye opening for me reading about how a difference between people who were happy and people who weren't happy was how aligned their image of themselves was with reality.
So if when you think of yourself it's what you aren't, then you are setting yourself up to be unhappy. So if your self vision is some "future" version who is fitter, more stylish, a successful gardener, a passionate writer who sits down to write every day in their idyllic space, whatever the image, if it isn't accurate to who you are now, it will damage your sense of satisfaction with yourself and your life.
That doesn't mean you shouldn't have aspirational visions of possible future, but they shouldn't be part of your identity.
If you incorporate something that isn't real into your sense of self, then when it doesn't fit, it feels like failure. If something is just an idea an experiment you are willing to try, then if it doesn't fit, it doesn't fit, no big deal.
I tried gardening and hated it. I didn't fail to be a gardener, gardening just doesn't fit with who I am.
You wouldn't believe how many people out there are torturing themselves trying to live up to expectations that exist only in their own imaginations.
I did an active experiment when I learned this. I was raised by a former model. For perspective, my mom lost about a fifth of her brain recently and she was putting on a dress and makeup to see her medical team, the people who were changing her diapers. That's the level of vanity I internalized.
When I read about self image, I realized that my internal avatar was always dressed up in full makeup and heels. So I actively dressed her down. Shockingly rapidly, I felt less need to wear makeup, fussy clothes, and heels. Now I call my Converse my "fancy" shoes. Lol. I used to have heels that I called my "casual comfy" shoes.
It's crazy how much control we have over what makes us feel good and bad about ourselves and our lives.