Changing the way we socialize

[Ricky]

I find it funny that (at least in America) we think that in order to socialize, it needs to require planning and money needs to be spent. For some reason, we have to meet at parties, act sophisticated, and spend money on unnecessary things to facilitate our interactions. We have to go to movie theaters, see concerts, watch comedians, go to bars/clubs, participate in organized sports, etc...Not saying those things aren't fun and can't be enjoyed from time to time, but it seems like this occurs every time people want to (actually) socialize.

It's rare that we just invite someone over for a casual get together for intelligent conversation and play board/video games and eat simple food. "Entertaining" is what we call it now and it has to involve carefully planned food and ultimately more $. Any kind of spontaneous interaction like showing up at a friend's house is considered awkward and maybe even rude. Of course, I'm not sure how intelligent conversations are supposed to happen or awkward encounters when our brains are now limited to 140 characters (Twitter), or that we're trained to bitch about something constantly (Facebook). Don't even get me started on how we couldn't even hold a continuous thought when those thoughts disappear within 10 seconds (Snapchat). Meaningful, casual interaction has been replaced by (un)social media and we resort to spending money anytime we actually want to get together in real life since we're all so socially inept now.

Anyway, I think the expectations for socializing are a definite contributor as to why it's so easy to fall into the rat race and become accustomed to associate socializing with spending. Thankfully, I never fell pray to this but I just find it interesting that the general public does and that everyone hasn't realized that there are better ways to live by now.

[Spondulix]

I have a theory that some of this is related to stimulation. If you work in a low-key and boring job or little social interaction, you have the energy to spend your free time doing something stimulating or exciting (thus the concert, comedian, loud restaurant, etc). People in stressful/busy jobs may tend to seek quiet and peace during their free time - an evening at home, gathering with a smaller group, outdoor activities, etc. Just look at who wants to vacation in Vegas vs who wants to spend a week on the beach doing nothing.

[WildJager]

I have a theory that some of this is related to stimulation. If you work in a low-key and boring job or little social interaction, you have the energy to spend your free time doing something stimulating or exciting (thus the concert, comedian, loud restaurant, etc). People in stressful/busy jobs may tend to seek quiet and peace during their free time - an evening at home, gathering with a smaller group, outdoor activities, etc. Just look at who wants to vacation in Vegas vs who wants to spend a week on the beach doing nothing.

I would say you're just naming introverts vs extroverts.  I work in a pretty busy job and while I prefer quiet during my free time, the vast majority of my peers prefer more exciting ventures.

To Ricky, there are plenty of people still willing to simply hang out and play board games.  My wife and I invite friends over all the time just for that reason.  We cook them a nice meal, play games and talk all night.  It's easy to derive that "everyone" has the same preference to piss away their time on social media based on anecdotal evidence, but that doesn't necessarily mean it's true.  Make the effort to be the instigator and you may be surprised at what you find.

[The_path_less_taken]

I agree with the op that we tend to prefer high energy/high dollar activities.

And that 'social media' has changed the way we interact.

Back in the day, I had a friend who lived halfway across the country...we used to send 2 page hand written letters back and forth. We then moved and were maybe 3 hours away...and still sent the letters since it was cheaper than calling.

Now, we seems to send two line "how's life? what's new?" emails...because the tendency does seem to be brief lately.

When I was 15 my mom rebelled against the big whoop birthday parties of the time ("we're sending everyone to Disneyland, yay!") and had an old school party in the backyard with my friends...and games from probably the 1940's...the only one I remember was trying to drop clothespins into a milk bottle...but everyone thought it was so different they actually enjoyed it. I was mortified when I came home to the "surprise" but my friends were so into all the old timey stuff it was pretty cool.

And I somewhat agree that if your job is intense/crazy you lean towards mellower things...to a point. A kicking nightclub with friends and dancing and drinks can be a great stress reliever.

Fun, like bread, should be made daily. By you.  ;-0
 

[golden1]

I agree with this, but I think this is more about the dissolution of local community and changing family working habits.  In my moms generation, when women stayed home more, and people worked and lived in their community, you tended to socialize more casually with people in your neighborhood or town.  Mom 1 would drop by to visit mom 2 during the day since both would be home etc.... Even when I was a SAHM, we had a weekly potluck get together every Friday which was basically just the cost of the gas money to get there and the cost of the dish you brought over.  Now, many moms work outside the home so the opportunity for these casual encounters goes down, and so people invent opportunities to socialize.  They feel like they have to attract people to events by making them appealing, so they add value by spending money for food, drinks, entertainment etc... Then the keeping up with the Jones starts and they start upping the ante, and pretty soon you get yourself in social group that involves hanging at clubs, bars, throwing catered parties or going to movies and shows for entertainment.   

[GuitarStv]

I don't mind a leisurely evening with board games and chatting at all.  But that's for unwinding time.  If we don't do something active before that, I am jittery and have difficulty relaxing.  Besides, food tastes better when you're tired.

My default 'activity' when people come over is a bike ride.  There are some great routes around my house, and you can pick from a grueling/hilly 50k, or a leisurely and flat 10k.  I've got a spare bike in the garage, spare helmet, and can provide gear if needed.

Sadly, the biggest problem I run into is that my friends are progressively becoming more and more sedentary.  They all want to sit around, eat stuff, and talk because they're carrying an extra 60 lbs and wheeze going up stairs.

[forummm]

Maybe. Maybe the increased disposable income of many people (in part due to the shift towards 2 incomes) has led to more restaurants and bars and such. And people don't know how to cook anymore. We expect food to be produced for us. So entertaining at home just isn't quite as attractive or available. And the cultural shift has proliferated over towards socializing as well.

[Jersey Brett]

Well Facebook doesn't cost anything (except your internet subscription)
We can all stay home and eat water and crackers in our underwear and bitch about life.
CHEAP!

Most of my friends are trying to save money like me. We don't eat out much.

[Chris22]

I find it funny that (at least in America) we think that in order to socialize, it needs to require planning and money needs to be spent. For some reason, we have to meet at parties, act sophisticated, and spend money on unnecessary things to facilitate our interactions.

I would generally disagree with this.  If you're talking about going out, sure, but if we have another couple or two over, aside from an extra bottle of wine or two, and maybe a slightly nicer meal than we might otherwise eat, there's no real money spent.  Cooking, say, a nice lasagna instead of just some sauce and spaghetti noodles, what's that cost, $10 more?  Maybe add another $20-30 for a couple bottles of wine?  That's not ridiculous.  And when they reciprocate, you go to their house and get a nice meal for the cost of the $10-15 bottle of wine you show up with. 

[big_slacker]

I don't mind a leisurely evening with board games and chatting at all.  But that's for unwinding time.  If we don't do something active before that, I am jittery and have difficulty relaxing.  Besides, food tastes better when you're tired.

My default 'activity' when people come over is a bike ride.  There are some great routes around my house, and you can pick from a grueling/hilly 50k, or a leisurely and flat 10k.  I've got a spare bike in the garage, spare helmet, and can provide gear if needed.

Sadly, the biggest problem I run into is that my friends are progressively becoming more and more sedentary.  They all want to sit around, eat stuff, and talk because they're carrying an extra 60 lbs and wheeze going up stairs.

Yeah, my buddy and I regularly go ride on friday. Social pace, just out enjoying the sun and chatting. Halfway point is a local brewery, have a beer or two and then ride back and hang out a bit at the house. Perfect.

[forummm]

I don't mind a leisurely evening with board games and chatting at all.  But that's for unwinding time.  If we don't do something active before that, I am jittery and have difficulty relaxing.  Besides, food tastes better when you're tired.

My default 'activity' when people come over is a bike ride.  There are some great routes around my house, and you can pick from a grueling/hilly 50k, or a leisurely and flat 10k.  I've got a spare bike in the garage, spare helmet, and can provide gear if needed.

Sadly, the biggest problem I run into is that my friends are progressively becoming more and more sedentary.  They all want to sit around, eat stuff, and talk because they're carrying an extra 60 lbs and wheeze going up stairs.

Yeah, my buddy and I regularly go ride on friday. Social pace, just out enjoying the sun and chatting. Halfway point is a local brewery, have a beer or two and then ride back and hang out a bit at the house. Perfect.

Sounds great.

Just in case you didn't know, in some states biking while over the legal limit is still a DUI and carries the same penalties. So just be careful of your limits.

[OldPro]

Ricky, what you describe does of course exist but even if it is true of a majority, it is not true of all.  We all get to make our own choices including in how we socialize.  I for one do not fit your description. 

As for, " everyone hasn't realized that there are better ways to live by now.", everyone never has and everyone never will.