Case Study: Slowly converting my wife to grow her own mustache.

[mojami04]

Hello everyone,

So I think it's quite clear that anyone who visits the forum is enthusiastic about this way of life. That frugality is badass and that being badass will eventually bring with it certain levels of freedom.  Now that I am a complete convert, I noticed that sharing these great forums, blogs, ideas and philosophies with my wife wasn't as easy as I thought it would be.

My approach thus far has been slow and steady. Dropping subtle hints of how we could do a few things differently with our money habits that could in the end benefit us and our eventual family in the long run.

Case in point, the usefulness of TWO vehicles in the yard.  We went from owning a 2003 Jeep Liberty Renegade (my pre-mustachian ways) and her luxurious 2006 Toyota Rav4 to now owning a beautiful Electric Green 2001 Toyota Echo with low mileage to replace the Jeep and earn myself a few stripes for this mustachian move.  Although, she won't give in to the idea of having ONE vehicle.  Her reasoning is that in the near future she will be on maternity leave and will need access to a second vehicle in case of emergencies... I figure, if in trouble call 911!?  If you need to get outside, grab a stroller and go for a walk and the list goes on.  Nontheless, she will not budge!!! Hence, my great little green used Toyota that has been great not only on gas mileage but so far nothing to complain about except for some new tires.

My next step is getting her to use the green machine a little less on a weekly basis.  For example, if we have errands A, B and C to run, I try to tell her that we can do all of them by bicycle.  She basically looked at me like I was from planet idiot at the mention of showing up to Costco with our pedal bikes. 

All this to say, how can you convince a great partner that this new philosophy of mine is basically a very obvious and easy way to get your butt to freedom and a sure way to a wealthier life in every way possible? 

I try to lead by example and I think it's paying off but she's not one to bare the Canadian Winter on a pedal bike and I don't think I will fare much better in January in minus 20 degrees Celcius on a bike.  For now, the autumn weather is nice and I bike to the gym (yes I still have yet to build a home gym), i bike back from school when she stays later (we both teach at the same high school), i take it for most of my grocery runs that require very little to carry (leaning towards the purchase of a bicycle trailer for bigger loads) and i feel amazing...

I just hope she stays on board....

Any advice for a trip that could be done for cheap? She wants the luxury of being on a resort, I tried selling her on camping in a tent in Florida near the Everglades... she definitely won't be coming from the looks of it.

Fellow Mustachian,

Jamie Montpellier
Newmarket, ON, Canada 

[deborah]

Frugality is for life. Marriage is for life. Some people take 5 years or more to decide to get married, and get there inch by inch. If you do the same with frugality, it may take 5 years longer to get to FI, but you still have a marriage, and you still get to FI. Just take it slowly, and do the things you personally can to make it a shorter journey while you are getting her on board.

[justplucky]

(edited to help with the crappy formatting job I did in my first post)

I have upper-lip baby fuzz at best, but here are my thoughts on how I would approach this with my husband.

Identify the actual hard lines and problem solve around them. Involve her in this process.

You said she is not on board with having just one car in case there is an emergency, but from what you described her hard line is having a car available to her, not necessarily having one car. Brainstorm options based on that. For example:

• While she's on leave, car pool with someone you work with that lives close by
• Take mass transit
• Have her drive you to work and pick you up
• Bike to work
• Use Zipcar or a similar service as your second car
• Some combination of the above

Obviously one or more of these may not be feasible based on your situation.

Frame everything as an experiment.

Take the "if we really don't like it, we can always go back" approach, and set it up so that it truly is easy to go back. What is the risk with biking to Costco beyond having one annoying afternoon?

Prove to her it can be done.

When you suggest biking to Costco, it does kind of sound like crazy talk. How are you going to get that 25 lb. bag of basmati rice, 15 rolls of TP, flat of apples, and two gallons of milk home? Have a well thought out plan and attempt to execute it at least once by yourself before involving her.

Accept that you will probably always be more extreme than she is.

[Doaner19]

How's she doing?

[La Bibliotecaria Feroz]

If I'm reading this right, your wife is pregnant? IME that is a time when a lady likes to feel secure. Lifestyle changes can cause a feeling of insecurity. If you want to sell this idea, listen to her first (not just let her talk, but actually listen) and never tell her that what she thinks or feels is "wrong." Just keep leading by example.

[Malaysia41]

Start by agreeing on the objective.  If she's as jazzed as you are at the prospect of FI/freedom, the rest should follow.

[wtjbatman]

Personally I prefer women without facial hair, but to each their own.

[mojami04]

I love the feedback ladies and gentlemen... I think leading by example will be my "method of choice" as some of us need more to time to assimilate a new idea.  Besides, nothing is better than tangible numbers or real outcomes that stem from real-life efforts!

Thanks again!

Jamie

[Malaysia41]

OP, reading through this again, you come off as though you are trying to control your wife.  Just read the title of your post.   With that attitude you're likely to create an enemy not an ally.

Until she is bought into what seems to be YOUR goal (FI), you're likely to cause more problems than solutions. 

[surfhb]

Don't drink too much MMM Koolaid!    I don't blame her and your idea of going to ONE vehicle will let you retire maybe a couple years sooner?    Im on her side on this one.

I think a lot of people have found this site recently and decide to go all gung-ho without understanding what the message is about.