Can we talk FIRE and Christmas/Winter Holidays?

[aloevera]

What do FIRE folks do about what can be a very expensive holiday time?

We began a Secret Santa exchange in our extended family last year, doing it again this year.  It has a $50 limit. We do it with an online system that does the drawing, lets people post a wishlist, etc.

My young adult kids and I gave each other a book and Goodwill cozy item last year, may again this year.

This year I will buy a (real) tree because of a kid special request, but the last few years I've put up a small hand-me-down artificial tree. Decor, lights, etc have been owned for a long time, so no expenses there.

Some years we make various foods (hot sauces, candy, baked goods) and give in recycled baskets, tins or boxes.

What do you do?

[aloevera]

PS: I just searched and saw this: https://forum.mrmoneymustache.com/welcome-to-the-forum/christmas-2019-gifts-not-clutter/

...but perhaps this thread is more about general holiday spending. If it should be combined, mod please do.

[Ladychips]

Gifts are not my family's love language so we FINALLY last year agreed no more gifts for adults.  I'm ecstatic about that and I think everyone else is too.  Otherwise, we really only spend money of food...and lots of it!

[PoutineLover]

My family is starting to do no gifts among aunts/uncles/cousins type relationships, but we still have presents for parents/siblings. I would like to send a bunch of cards, just to say I'm thinking of people around this time of year, and for people that I see in person I'm going to make homemade liquor (low cost per gift, very delicious) and some sort of homemade treat or craft like a christmas ornament (tbd).
We also host a really lovely potluck where everyone gets together as a family. Last year we went all out (expensive cut of meat, lots of booze, etc.) but this year we will scale back a little, while still hosting a memorable event. Part of that is preparing some traditional foods together, which is something that we all love so that will continue and it costs very little.
I really enjoy the holidays, but to me it's about time spent with loved ones and not the quantity of gifts. I hope that as we all get a little bit older, we can do more personalized, homemade presents that don't create clutter, and just spend time making memories with people.

[AMandM]

In general terms, you can think of Christmas like any other non-necessary expense such as happy hour with co-workers.  You budget an amount you are comfortable spending, that will buy you an amount of pleasure and social harmony that you are comfortable with. The difference is that with Christmas the social harmony sometimes has a very high price tag.

IME, people in general are moving away from materialistic and consumeristic celebrations. That doesn't mean they're necessarily spending less money (they give expensive experiences instead of expensive objects), but at least it has meant less stuff accumulates!

In my family's case, we enjoy celebrating Christmas because it's an important religious holiday, and that also means that the cost of presents is not very important. So we do a lot of special foods, candles, rituals, and presents tend to be thoughtfully chosen for the recipient. Sometimes that makes them expensive (e.g., specialized backpacking equipment), sometimes it makes them really cheap (e.g., hand cranked ice cream maker from the thrift store).

[dcheesi]

Fortunately my parents are in driving distance, and there are no kids at present (much to my mom's chagrin), so other than adult gifts our festivities are relatively inexpensive.

Last year was the first time with my SO, so we did shell out for an airbnb instead of sleeping in the guest bedroom (my brother and his wife claim the "MIL" suite when they're also there). This year we might only be there a couple of days, which would make the guest bedroom more tolerable.

[socaso]

The last few years I have realized that my family is very open to using items reusable items that reduce waste but they may not source them for themselves. So I have been making gifts like this. Last year I made mesh produce bags to use at the grocery store. This was a very inexpensive project, probably less than $10 for gifts for the whole family. This year I found a couple of like new cookbooks at the thrift store so I got those and I'm making laminated cotton snack bags with zipper tops.

Another thing I do is cash in on whatever holiday specials the grocery store is offering. I haven't paid for my Thanksgiving turkey in probably 7 years because they do a special where you get a free turkey if you spend $100 in one shopping trip. This is easy for me to do because I meal plan a month in advance and I usually spend $100 the first week because I stock up for the month. They also usually have rock bottom prices on ham in December so we usually do that for Christmas dinner. Plus sometimes I grab an extra and cut it up and freeze it for future meals.

I read that the average American household spends $50 to feed 10 people for Thanksgiving. They called this "expensive" I thought that's a pretty good bargain. I usually spend more like $30 but I don't host 10 people.

[Villanelle]

I finally got my husband to talk to his brother's family about not exchanging gifts.  Ht resisted, not because he wanted to give or receive gifts to/from them, but because he was afraid they would be offended somehow.  HE finally decided to do it after their finances took a turn (foreclosure, etc.) and they quickly agreed.

So if there are any people you don't feel compelled to give to, bring it up.  Or just announced that this year, you don't want any gifts as you are minimizing and simplifying, and then send a card. 

I've also taken to doing one large charitable act each year and sort of dedicating it to various friends and family members.  "I paid for Boy Scount uniforms and fees for 6 kids, partly in your honor."  Some people may balk at this suggestion because I do sort of use it as a catch-all.  If I decide to tell Uncle Bob this year that it was partly in his honor, I don't add an extra $XX to the donation.  But when I make it, I do think of how fortunate I am to have so many special people in my life, and the donation is an expression of my appreciation of that, so it does feel honest when I send my friend group a note announcing that I made the donation for "us", or I tell that to my coworkers or ILs, or whomever.

[Arbitrage]

I managed to talk my family down to 'books only' for the various nieces and nephews for Christmas last year.  I'm fine with continuing that.  I would like to see if we can suspend the gifts between grown siblings...often it's just exchanging gift cards; what's the point?  Too late this year, I think, but maybe something to broach for next year.  At this point, I don't actually see my siblings on Christmas anymore (due to distance), and my eldest sibling never actually bothers to buy me or my family anything for Christmas or birthdays, though I stubbornly persist in buying and mailing him stuff. 

[Villanelle]

I managed to talk my family down to 'books only' for the various nieces and nephews for Christmas last year.  I'm fine with continuing that.  I would like to see if we can suspend the gifts between grown siblings...often it's just exchanging gift cards; what's the point?  Too late this year, I think, but maybe something to broach for next year.  At this point, I don't actually see my siblings on Christmas anymore (due to distance), and my eldest sibling never actually bothers to buy me or my family anything for Christmas or birthdays, though I stubbornly persist in buying and mailing him stuff.

Why?   He has clearly established the fact that the culture of your relationship doesn't require gifts.  Send a thoughtful card and consider that one less conversation you have to have about ending gift giving. 

[Zikoris]

We just skip basically all of it. Neither of are are really into gifts. We don't decorate. Our local orchestra puts on a really good Christmas concert every year, which we always go to. If we visit someone around Christmas, I bring some sort of home baking that costs maybe a buck or two to make. And we tend to buy chocolate for ourselves. That's about it.

[Kayla]

My family just sends each other Christmas cards, no gifts. This year I plan on making my own cards though, so it has a more personal touch. I'm still debating on whether or not to get a Christmas tree this year. We have no kids, so typically we don't really celebrate Christmas that much.

[aloevera]

All interesting and useful posts! 

I'm coming off of 18 months digi-nomad-ing so this is the first Xmas home, and hosting adult kids. I will be doing the tree, and some level of gifts, and then we all take off on a vacation together right after which is awesome and the thing I am most excited about.

Finding the live tree at a decent price will be the first challenge. We are surrounded by tree farms and the big box stores will have trees...I'll have to do some price comparisons. I HATE spending lots of money on something I will own for two weeks max. But for one kid, it is important, so this year, I WILL do it.

Any tips in that regard other than call around, check sales, etc?

[popcornflying]

See Treevenge.  You'll never buy a tree or ornaments again

[Sugaree]

I've told my dad that I don't need anything.  I get the feeling that they aren't in the best place financially again, so I'd prefer it not get any worse by buying me stuff I don't need.  I suspect that they won't listen.  Furthermore, I suspect that they've probably also already bought a TV for us because they bought my brother one as "an early xmas present" and they want things to be "even." 

I'd like to talk my brother and his wife into not doing adult gifts this year, but as the only one with a kid it's kind of awkward for me to bring it up.


I spent more on my husband than I normally do (or that I had planned), but it just happened that we got a smoking deal on something that we've been looking for for a year (a part for his VW campervan) so that's going to be xmas and our anniversary.