Author Topic: Broaching the subject of a will?  (Read 4324 times)

infogoon

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Broaching the subject of a will?
« on: December 08, 2015, 06:44:06 AM »
My father will be turning seventy next month. He hasn't updated his will in at least forty years.

As you can imagine, a lot has changed since then. Is there any polite way to suggest that he update it? I don't want to seem ghoulish, but I also don't want to have a big mess to untangle whenever he passes.

MrsPete

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Re: Broaching the subject of a will?
« Reply #1 on: December 08, 2015, 07:49:53 AM »
It may or may not need doing.  My husband and my wills are comprehensive enough that they cover an awful lot of contingencies.  We anticipate making additions in the future when we have grandchildren, but even if one of us died and the other remarried, it's covered already. 

Bearded Man

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Re: Broaching the subject of a will?
« Reply #2 on: December 08, 2015, 09:09:35 AM »
My will is based on percentages rather than dollar amounts. I have a separate sheet to track/identify assets, accounts, etc.

honeybbq

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Re: Broaching the subject of a will?
« Reply #3 on: December 08, 2015, 09:26:13 AM »
I think that's a perfectly reasonable conversation to have. It could be just "Hey, Dad, I was wondering if you had your will and household in order so that if something happens to you, I'll know what to do." If he doesn't, have the name of a lawyer he could contact.


neophyte

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Re: Broaching the subject of a will?
« Reply #4 on: December 08, 2015, 09:37:54 AM »
It's a no less awkward subject to bring up, but you might want to discuss a living will/DNR/medical power of attorney should he become incapacitated. From there you could branch the discussion out to updating his will and letting someone know where financial documents are kept should they need to have access to them.

The_path_less_taken

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Re: Broaching the subject of a will?
« Reply #5 on: December 08, 2015, 09:47:31 AM »
It's a no less awkward subject to bring up, but you might want to discuss a living will/DNR/medical power of attorney should he become incapacitated. From there you could branch the discussion out to updating his will and letting someone know where financial documents are kept should they need to have access to them.



And, it could even be approached as an anecdote: "There was a big argument on MMM the other day about medical power of attorney. I just want you to know my wishes: if I'm ever <insert whatever you believe as unsustainable> then I really want you to pull the plug. I'm going to just notarize a DNR for myself and my <wife/husband/dog/gerbil> so you know what to do: I mean come on, car accidents happen every day. You never know. Have you ever given any thought to that?"

Or some subtle way to get the conversation rolling...even a movie about end of life stuff could be a jump off point to bring it up...."On Golden Pond" springs to mind.

Rubic

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Re: Broaching the subject of a will?
« Reply #6 on: December 08, 2015, 10:21:54 AM »
infogoon:
  • Will you be the executor of your father's estate?  If so, that should be a basis for raising the issue, possibly after the holidays.  If not, you may want to have a discussion with your father and his executor.
  • If neither is applicable, you may approach the discussion on the basis of your own will and let it proceed from there ... e.g. my father gave me great advice in structuring my will and it comfortably transitioned into details about my parents will.

ImCheap

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Re: Broaching the subject of a will?
« Reply #7 on: December 09, 2015, 10:07:25 AM »
I think the more important discussion is what are the wishes before you need to execute a Will. So many people have beautiful grand Wills but yet forget all about what they want if they happen to need assisted living/memory care for 5-10years after a stoke etc.

A family dealing with an estate with or without a Will pales is comparison to the what if some long term issues arise that the family may need to deal with for a decade.

partgypsy

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Re: Broaching the subject of a will?
« Reply #8 on: December 09, 2015, 02:32:45 PM »
My Dad is 83, and my mother is 73 (divorced). I've asked them, and they both do not have wills, and in fact refuse to make wills, saying they "don't have any money so it doesn't matter".
My father did buy a cemetery plot for him and my mother and he has created an a medical advanced directive (no treatments), but other than that nothing is written down and we don't know what their preferences are, or even how to pay bills if there is a hospitalization, anything. It will be a big mess, especially as two of my siblings live in mother's house...

So, it could be worse. 

Astatine

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Re: Broaching the subject of a will?
« Reply #9 on: December 09, 2015, 06:59:06 PM »
It may be different in the US, but where I live I would say it's very important to have a will, power of attorney, advanced care directive and a guardianship thingy (not sure what it's actually called but it's like a power of attorney but if you're incapacitated someone you've nominated can make decisions on where you'll live etc on your behalf).

I would start the conversation by talking about my own will and power of attorney (because you have those in place for yourself right? if not, go do it now!) and then ask about your father's situation.

pbkmaine

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Re: Broaching the subject of a will?
« Reply #10 on: December 09, 2015, 07:05:34 PM »
One of my friends told her parents that all she wanted for Christmas was to know what their wishes were in case anything happened to them. This started a very useful conversation about wills, powers of attorney and letters of intent.


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