Author Topic: Bad Behavior - Don't allow stress to drive bad habits  (Read 6219 times)

savingtofreedom

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Bad Behavior - Don't allow stress to drive bad habits
« on: May 29, 2013, 09:35:52 PM »
These past couple of weeks at work have been very stressful.  I have been working lots of overtime (which is paid - yeah!! so shouldn't complain too much) and last Friday I had an interim presentation that did not get the feedback I was looking for - I had stayed up to 3 am the night before too working on it.  Afterwards, I called my mom and we went out to lunch and it was a lovely day and we sat outside and it was very invigorating -  we do it infrequently and she was kind enough to pay .  Then we went shopping and that is where I fell back into my bad old habits of shopping when stressed out.  I bought two dresses I did not need for way too much money - about $105.

That weekend I finally tallied up my actual spending from Mint (husband travels for work and expenses a decent amount which requires some manipulation on the part of Mint).  I realized I do not have $105 to spend on clothing that I don't need if I want retire before I hit 40.  I went back and returned the items - which wasted more time out of my life.

The point of this post is that even if you are stressed out or have a crappy day spending money on things won't make it better.  It will just prolong the time you will need to work at the stressful job that is making you want to spend money.  Which is probably why so many folks are in this vicious cycle.

Anyone else have any good approaches to deal with stress?   I should be exercising more.  I have not been doing a great job with that.


icefr

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Re: Bad Behavior - Don't allow stress to drive bad habits
« Reply #1 on: May 29, 2013, 11:42:41 PM »
I've definitely noticed that as I've reduced the stress in my life, I don't spend as much on random food and clothing.

You work from home full-time, right? I would try taking a 20 minute walk in the morning before starting working, at lunch, and then after you're done working before dinner. Outside. That might help a bit. Does your husband walk to a train station or something? You could walk with him or meet him there after work and walk back together. I absolutely love my walks to/from work (about 40 minutes each way) and I occasionally take a quick stroll in the afternoon.

Journaling has also helped me a ton with stress and understanding myself. And tracking my sleep has been an interesting exercise. I've been using the SleepBot on Android.

Time limited rules on spending help too. For example, currently "No spending on clothes in 2013." I have made some exceptions, but it has been pretty helpful overall and helped to cut back somewhat.

gooki

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Re: Bad Behavior - Don't allow stress to drive bad habits
« Reply #2 on: May 30, 2013, 12:45:50 AM »
Even light exercise (40 minute walks twice a day) does wonders for my stress levels.

And being well on my way to FI allows me to not give a fuck about work. Sure I want to do a good job, and I set my own high standards. But if the demands from others get to great I'm happy to let the work slide.

DocCyane

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Re: Bad Behavior - Don't allow stress to drive bad habits
« Reply #3 on: May 30, 2013, 05:45:42 AM »
I reduce my stress by tinkering with the spreadsheets that show my budget, net worth, goals, and FI date.

It helps remind me that what I'm doing now is temporary and I'm building towards something much bigger and better.

I also have a sticky note on my computer at work that reads, "Let go or be dragged." It is a reminder that what I'm fretting over is so insignificant in the grand scheme of what I will have in the future.

Stress is difficult to deal with. I really sympathize.

footenote

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Re: Bad Behavior - Don't allow stress to drive bad habits
« Reply #4 on: May 30, 2013, 06:12:58 AM »
Try meditation - here's a recent article on how meditation can improve test results: http://well.blogs.nytimes.com/2013/04/03/how-meditation-might-boost-your-test-scores/

Starstuff

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Re: Bad Behavior - Don't allow stress to drive bad habits
« Reply #5 on: May 30, 2013, 08:13:59 AM »
I'm not long out of an eating disorder, so telling myself, "No, you can't have..." is a fairly destructive behavior for me. So I do it in reverse. I don't restrict myself from having anything, at all, and I refuse to feel guilty if I have it. When I don't place limits on my stressed out mind, and really, genuinely, allow myself anything I want, my better judgement usually wins and I don't get whatever it is that I thought would make me feel better. It's a little trick my psych major taught me (before becoming useless). The more you fight yourself, the more you spend mental resources that are already limited by stress. Next time you're holding a dress thinking, "I really shouldn't" just tell yourself "Actually, it's perfectly fine. Go ahead and get it." (and mean it!) I'd be willing to bet the price of that dress that you put it down and walk away with no regrets.
« Last Edit: May 30, 2013, 09:33:59 AM by Starstuff »

EK

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Re: Bad Behavior - Don't allow stress to drive bad habits
« Reply #6 on: May 30, 2013, 09:27:15 AM »
I'm not long out of an eating disorder, so telling myself, "No, you can't have..." is a fairly destructive behavior for me. So I do it in reverse. I don't restrict myself from having anything, at all, and I refuse to feel guilty if I have it. When I don't place limits on my stressed out mind, and really, genuinely, allow myself anything I want, my better judgement usually wins and I don't get whatever it is that I thought would make me feel better. It's a little trick my psych major taught me (before becoming useless). The more you fight yourself, the more you spend mental resources that are already limited by stress. Next time your holding a dress thinking, "I really shouldn't" just tell yourself "Actually, it's perfectly fine. Go ahead and get it." (and mean it!) I'd be willing to bet the price of that dress that you put it down and walk away with no regrets.

Wow, I relate to this A LOT. I never summed it up mentally in a sense-making way like you just did, but in my experience, "letting" myself have whatever it is Im wanting usually makes me not even want it.  It's only the wanting thing I "can't" have that even makes me want them.  So yeah, I guess I'm just saying that I agree that this is a really powerful way of thinking that can control stress spending/ eating/ whatever in a huge way.

totoro

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Re: Bad Behavior - Don't allow stress to drive bad habits
« Reply #7 on: May 30, 2013, 09:34:34 AM »
I'm not long out of an eating disorder, so telling myself, "No, you can't have..." is a fairly destructive behavior for me. So I do it in reverse. I don't restrict myself from having anything, at all, and I refuse to feel guilty if I have it. When I don't place limits on my stressed out mind, and really, genuinely, allow myself anything I want, my better judgement usually wins and I don't get whatever it is that I thought would make me feel better. It's a little trick my psych major taught me (before becoming useless). The more you fight yourself, the more you spend mental resources that are already limited by stress. Next time your holding a dress thinking, "I really shouldn't" just tell yourself "Actually, it's perfectly fine. Go ahead and get it." (and mean it!) I'd be willing to bet the price of that dress that you put it down and walk away with no regrets.

Wow, I relate to this A LOT. I never summed it up mentally in a sense-making way like you just did, but in my experience, "letting" myself have whatever it is Im wanting usually makes me not even want it.  It's only the wanting thing I "can't" have that even makes me want them.  So yeah, I guess I'm just saying that I agree that this is a really powerful way of thinking that can control stress spending/ eating/ whatever in a huge way.

I agree.  This works.  Coming at things from a place of options and choices instead of deprivation and rules is way better for me when it comes to making good decisions. 

savingtofreedom

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Re: Bad Behavior - Don't allow stress to drive bad habits
« Reply #8 on: May 30, 2013, 02:29:09 PM »
And being well on my way to FI allows me to not give a fuck about work. Sure I want to do a good job, and I set my own high standards. But if the demands from others get to great I'm happy to let the work slide.
I also have a sticky note on my computer at work that reads, "Let go or be dragged." It is a reminder that what I'm fretting over is so insignificant in the grand scheme of what I will have in the future.

I need to get back on the I don't give a fuck about work train.  I also set really high standards and I am working on a project where the end stage will be used for future work I perform so it is key it goes well as I am losing an application that used to allow me to perform this same kind of work.  I have some other team members on this project that don't see that I am trying to make something that is going to reduce not only their work but will be flexible enough to change as the needs of the business change.  I will be meeting with them in person soon so I hope that will clear up some of the issues.  Otherwise I think I will need to get my boss involved and I forsee some potential power plays.  Oh the pleasures of Corporate America.

If I can retain this job for 5 or 6 more years (which may not be likely) I should be at a place where I can retire.  We will see.

I went for a walk today which helped.  I just wish this stuff didn't bother me so much.  I have a care too much problem.  The "itch" to shop was because I used to get such fleeting pleasure from it.  I still need to work on that and switch it to biking, reading, hiking or something more productive. 

Thanks for the feedback - it helps to hear others are in the same situation.  With multiple more years till FI I just need to work on better ways of handling this. 

forward

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Re: Bad Behavior - Don't allow stress to drive bad habits
« Reply #9 on: May 30, 2013, 04:19:22 PM »
And being well on my way to FI allows me to not give a fuck about work. Sure I want to do a good job, and I set my own high standards. But if the demands from others get to great I'm happy to let the work slide.
I also have a sticky note on my computer at work that reads, "Let go or be dragged." It is a reminder that what I'm fretting over is so insignificant in the grand scheme of what I will have in the future.

I need to get back on the I don't give a fuck about work train.  I also set really high standards and I am working on a project where the end stage will be used for future work I perform so it is key it goes well as I am losing an application that used to allow me to perform this same kind of work.  I have some other team members on this project that don't see that I am trying to make something that is going to reduce not only their work but will be flexible enough to change as the needs of the business change.  I will be meeting with them in person soon so I hope that will clear up some of the issues.  Otherwise I think I will need to get my boss involved and I forsee some potential power plays.  Oh the pleasures of Corporate America.

If I can retain this job for 5 or 6 more years (which may not be likely) I should be at a place where I can retire.  We will see.

I went for a walk today which helped.  I just wish this stuff didn't bother me so much.  I have a care too much problem.  The "itch" to shop was because I used to get such fleeting pleasure from it.  I still need to work on that and switch it to biking, reading, hiking or something more productive. 

Thanks for the feedback - it helps to hear others are in the same situation.  With multiple more years till FI I just need to work on better ways of handling this.


You are echoing my situation exactly.  In the last week I have stayed up til 2 or 3 working on projects several nights.  I also feel like a care too much/take things too personally and when things get stressful I tend to take shortcuts with food and other convenience items.

I also feel that 5 or 6 more years will be what I need in this job for FI - but I don't know whether it will last that long.  Things are going well but it also seems like things are teetering on the edge of a cliff at work much of the time.

So I am interested in ideas as well.  I have never been able to be successful with meditation, I think I must do it wrong

oldtoyota

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Re: Bad Behavior - Don't allow stress to drive bad habits
« Reply #10 on: May 30, 2013, 06:49:34 PM »
Yes.

http://www.hundredpushups.com

Join me? We can get to 100 pushups together. I'm on week four.


oldtoyota

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Re: Bad Behavior - Don't allow stress to drive bad habits
« Reply #11 on: May 30, 2013, 06:52:05 PM »

Time limited rules on spending help too. For example, currently "No spending on clothes in 2013." I have made some exceptions, but it has been pretty helpful overall and helped to cut back somewhat.

Great idea. I can be an absolutist at times. For me, I've decided no more IKEA or Verizon. It's amazing how much money these decisions can save. I've also decided no more clothing in 2013 and no eating out from May 3 to June 3 (I did eat out once in May so I added some days in June to my original plan). With my mind freed up from time spent shopping and eating out, I'm getting so much done!

icefr

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Re: Bad Behavior - Don't allow stress to drive bad habits
« Reply #12 on: May 30, 2013, 07:27:08 PM »
Great idea. I can be an absolutist at times. For me, I've decided no more IKEA or Verizon. It's amazing how much money these decisions can save. I've also decided no more clothing in 2013 and no eating out from May 3 to June 3 (I did eat out once in May so I added some days in June to my original plan). With my mind freed up from time spent shopping and eating out, I'm getting so much done!

I said "no eating out for lunch in 2013 except on Fridays and < $10 then". That worked for...one month and then since then, I've gotten tired of making my own lunch and only made it through 3/4 of the month bringing my lunch. Still a pretty good improvement!

Absolutism used to backfire on me, but it's been going okay so far on limited things.

footenote

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Re: Bad Behavior - Don't allow stress to drive bad habits
« Reply #13 on: May 31, 2013, 05:35:54 AM »

So I am interested in ideas as well.  I have never been able to be successful with meditation, I think I must do it wrong
[/quote]

mic575 - You may simply not be meditating often enough / long enough. Meditation is not a light switch. It's more like learning to ride a bike. It's common to be quite wobbly at first. But with practice, you'll get a taste of "doing it right." Then you will "do it right" more and more often.

danzabar

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Re: Bad Behavior - Don't allow stress to drive bad habits
« Reply #14 on: May 31, 2013, 08:07:06 AM »
Guys this is totally me as well! I read MMM, get very pumped up about thrift and hate the idea of wasting money, especially since to add to my slim amount of savings, then I walk by a starbucks in a giant blaze of stress and spend 5 dollars on a coffee. Meditation should definitely be added, any other tips?!

DoubleDown

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Re: Bad Behavior - Don't allow stress to drive bad habits
« Reply #15 on: May 31, 2013, 08:19:04 AM »
In no particular order:

- Exercise
- Mindfulness training
- Perspective - This may be the most important one, to help prevent you from getting too stressed in the first place. Always remember that just about every problem you encounter is just a tiny speck in your overall life, that you will come out of it intact and fine whether you worry about it or not. Then just choose not to worry about it since worrying won't help anyway. Any time a problem (i.e., a challenge/opportunity to grow) presents itself, I remind myself that it will be overcome like every other challenge has, and I will be better for it.

kaeldra

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Re: Bad Behavior - Don't allow stress to drive bad habits
« Reply #16 on: May 31, 2013, 08:05:33 PM »
My personal strain of stress makes it hard for me to fall asleep at night, so what's helped me is a combination of reading before bed and using a program called f.lux to adjust my monitor color / brightness so that it doesn't disrupt my day / night sensor.

I went to a therapist about stress management for a while and she recommended doing a sensory activity for 30 minutes before bed like showering, listening to quiet music, petting your cat/dog. Also practicing controlling your thinking when you're doing 'autopilot' activities - I found I would get wrapped up in negative thoughts and worries when I was washing dishes and other chores, you kind of have to train yourself to focus on what you're doing. Guess that's another way to say mindfulness.

I have a weekly writing group that I think helped a lot, I don't know whether it's just having something fun to look forward to or actually getting together with friends during the week, which can be hard to do with a busy schedule.

Like others have said, she also suggested journaling and meditation, but I haven't found those worked for me. Her tip for meditation was to focus on your breathing. She said that you'd continue to get thoughts, but you would let them go as you exhale and you could agree with yourself to worry or think about them later.

On exercise, she suggested 30 minutes of cardio a day for stress relief.