(((big hugs)) I think medical crisis in children is even more heartbreaking and challenging than in adults. I cannot even imagine. I am so very, very sorry for what you're dealing with.
*Warning - this got a little lengthy. Obviously I feel more passionately than I had expected!*
We have been well on our way to FIRE. Was even considering FIRE on a bare bones budget last year. Then last February, DH got diagnosed with cancer. We went through treatment and everything and he got the all clear in October and he went back to work in November. Two weeks later, he was off work again with symptoms his doctors could not understand. Several months later, new scans showed that the cancer has returned.
It's been a journey. And has definitely cost a little more - so many expensive health supplements, eating out more to tempt his appetite, and a very splurgy vacation (he asked for some upgrades) this year. Thankfully, the very fact that we had been working on a path to FIRE set us up in a very comfortable spot financially. At the very beginning when he first got diagnosed, I was able to turn to my husband and say, "the one thing we do not have to worry about is finances. You can stop working, I can stop working, whatever it takes - we'll be all right financially". The comfort in being able to say something like that was a wonderful gift to our family.
Last night, my husband was filled with self pity. We had a long talk about it as we were prepping our made-from-scratch dinner and spending the hours it takes to prepare nutritious smoothies and healthy vegetable juices for the next few days. Despite his illness, we have been blessed with so very, very much, including our faith in a God who gives us peace and joy that really does surpass all understanding. So instead of a long night filled with the drudgery of never-ending chores revolving around his illness, we had a joy-filled night where we worked together to tackle the tasks to provide him what he needs with love and a dash of good humor.
I'd suggest rather than counting this as a loss of your FIRE dreams, to consider what an incredible blessing your FIRE dream was to your family. It is so amazing that you were able to quit your job to be there with your son and to still be comfortable financially. Also, are you able to find some joy in not having to go to work every day? I know it's a far cry from being able to FIRE to have fun every day though. Still, even my husband admits it's nice to be able to sleep in some days (when he doesn't have health-appointments), to be able to spend time messing around the garden, and not have to care about what to wear or how his hair looks like.
We still plug away at FIRE. I still work away at maximizing such-and-such and reducing my grocery expenses, and find a more economical way to do something or say XX purchase does not bring enough value to our lives. With a medical crisis, I think being careful with expenses is even more important. The last thing I want is to come out at the end of this tunnel to find my financial life in a shambles. Even though it is very tempting to throw money at every problem and to splurge for every bucket list dream. Whether my husband survives this or not, my children and I will still be here and we need to be responsible for them too. Besides, if there is one thing Mustachianism taught me - it's that you can find joy and happiness in so many things that don't cost a penny.
Likewise, I have been clear to my husband that while we will all do whatever it takes to work together to beat this, if there is another option, we will not be sacrificing our children's childhood. Yes, they are in their teens but they still need our love and attention. It's a tough balance when the temptation is there to put all the attention on my husband's illness. But they still need to be able to agonize over what dress to wear for that party or help studying for that tricky test. On that same note, I have my own needs too. Last year, while he was going through daily radiation, I was training almost daily for a grueling 8 hour adventure race. Maybe it was a little selfish as it made me a little less available to help my husband and I was stretched pretty thin but it was an important goal for me and I did not want the cancer to take away yet another important thing.
So, I still say, "maybe next year, we'll FIRE..." and I'm still hopeful even though I've bumped up our FIRE number considerably to include a more generous budget for possible medical expenses. I realized we are not quite as invincible as I had previously believed. I still retain the hope of being able to FIRE/switch to part-time next year to be able spend more time with my DH, come what may.
