Advice requested on cash gift

[ysette9]

We are moving shortly as we have bought a house. We just received a very generous cash gift from my in-laws ($5k) as a congrats-on-the-house. The thing is, we feel uncomfortable accepting it because we are financially secure (though not FI yet), have two good, professional jobs, and have a net worth that is higher than my in-laws. They aren't hurting but they won't have a particularly generous retirement either, though that is due to them starting over in a new country at age 40 rather than any profligate financial habits. We have shown reluctance accepting large cash gifts in the past, so this time my MIL out-smarted us: it is a cashier's check. This means we can't fail to cash the check or something like that.

Some ideas of how to respond we've toyed with:

• Put the money in a separate account flagged for helping them one day should they need it
• Gift them my husband's 2005 RAV4 that my FIL has admired (he is one of those people with a big/tall car fetish with no particular use for an SUV)

Anything else you can suggest?

[wordnerd]

It sounds like they very much want to give you the money and can afford to. I would accept it graciously and extend them generosity when they can use it.

[Fomerly known as something]

My parents insist on generous Christmas and Birthday presents of cash that I don't particularly want or need but they are gifts.  My parents are comfortable but don't have a lot if something happens to their pensions plans so I don't feel wonderful about accepting it as my wealth too is much larger then theirs.  I accept it and pass it onto charities (so they actually give me an additional tax deduction), with the knowledge that if anything should happen to their pensions I will step in and assist them for the rest of their lives even if I don't directly invest their money in an account for them.

[Kwill]

It sounds like they very much want to give you the money and can afford to. I would accept it graciously and extend them generosity when they can use it.

This. I'd pick out something nice for the new house that they will be happy to have provided for it. It could be something you would have gotten anyway. On a smaller scale, my grandmother was apparently very happy to hear I used the birthday money she sent to buy a microwave that is making my life easier.

Later, on a separate occasion, you could give them the car or a financial gift when it's needed, but maybe just let them give you this to feel a part of this moment of your lives.

[Sarah Saverdink]

I agree with the previous posters. It obviously means a lot to your in-laws, so accept the gift graciously and thank them. I bet they would love if you bought something for the house with "their" money. I don't see a need to specifically put the money aside, but definitely help them out in the future if they need it. They sound like fantastic in-laws.

[Frankies Girl]

If there are no strings attached to the gift, accept it gracefully and use it for whatever. Invest, buy stuff for the house, whatever you want to use it for.

And then if the inlaws ever need your help, give them your money or time as needed, because you love them and appreciate them and their kindness over the years.

In healthy families, this is a wonderful dynamic. In unhealthy ones, money/gifts are used as manipulations. If this is a healthy family, then cherish the gift that was given because they are so happy and proud of you, and know that being there for them in the future is a good thing for both of you and your relationship.

[AnnaGrowsAMustache]

Just be gracious and accept it. I'm sure there will be times when you can show them generosity also, in whatever form.

[Smokystache]

If you're moving a significant distance away, save the money for easy, comfortable ways to travel back to see them (and/or comfortable ways to visit them if it requires staying in a hotel).'

We'd probably visit relatives a little more often if I didn't balk at getting plane tickets for 4.

[terran]

This isn't about your core question, but if your mortgage hasn't closed yet you need to be very careful. Banks scrutinize gifts you receive when you're buying a house very carefully for fear that they may actually be loans rather than gifts which would change your ability to repay the bank. It might be as simple as a letter making it clear that this is gift with no expectation of repayment, but that would be something you need to look in to if you haven't already closed.

[Dicey]

This isn't about your core question, but if your mortgage hasn't closed yet you need to be very careful. Banks scrutinize gifts you receive when you're buying a house very carefully for fear that they may actually be loans rather than gifts which would change your ability to repay the bank. It might be as simple as a letter making it clear that this is gift with no expectation of repayment, but that would be something you need to look in to if you haven't already closed.

Re above: Ditto. Since it's a cashier's check, just hold on to it until closing.

Next, I like #1 a LOT.

For #2, I would ask them if they would like it. I admire a lot of things others have, just to be nice, not because I want whateveritis for myself.

Finally, congrats on the new house purchase!!!

[Linea_Norway]

My DH said no thanks when his father wanted to give us an expensive house warming gift. In my opinion I would rather have bought a better wood oven. He also said no when his father wanted to gift us 100.000 euros, because "we don't need it.". That amount is twice our yearly spending, so saying no to the windfall prevented us from FIREing 2 years earlier  I have my opinions about it...

[ysette9]

I appreciate the opinions. I'll talk to my husband about graciously accepting it and then setting it aside in a separate account earmarked for them in the future.

As for the house, we already closed so that isn't a problem. Thanks for the input.

[Dicey]

Ooh! Congratulations Again! So exciting!!

[ysette9]

We get keys on Saturday and move a week after. I'm really excited!!