Achieving FI by mooching

[Fuyu]

 

For example, my mom still has a house with 2-3 empty bedrooms.  I could move in and exploit her inefficiencies for my gain.  It wouldn't cost her any more, but it would cost me less. Think Pareto Efficiency

This reminds me of a psychology/economics experiment. Three people were tasked with agreeing on a number between 1 and 10. There was a pay-out determined by how close the agreed-upon number was to a person's assigned number. Person A was assigned number 1, Person B number 10, and Person C number 5. The obvious answer was to pick the number 5, and that is indeed what they ended up picking, but Persons A and B were very resistant to making that choice. I guess they didn't like it that Person C came out ahead, even if that was the best overall choice.

I wonder if something related is going on here. Does the efficient choice sometimes feel unfair?

Not so much financially, but I would admit that sometimes I feel jealous that my friends who live at home don't ever have to cook their own meals. Even though it is completely my choice to move out.

[capital]

I don't live with my parents, as they live in Wisconsin and there are far better job opportunities on the coasts, but I don't see anything wrong with it.

Many parents enjoy the feeling of nurturing and the identity as a provider; many people work hard so they can leave their children better-off. If there's a spare bedroom that would otherwise be unoccupied, and the parent wishes to enable their child to pay down debt or build wealth by living in it, what's wrong with that? Several hundred dollars a month that would have gone to rent times several years in one's twenties make a damn fine down payment, for example. That might well even enable the child to buy the family home as the parents are ready to downsize, if it's right for them, and perhaps the parents could move to a mother-in-law suite were that not foolishly outlawed in much of the country. It's a traditional method of building wealth among many cultures worldwide, and still works just as well today.

[micah_mae_]

I made bad choices. Of course I see it now in hind sight. I quit school to get married and have babies. 3 kids later my husband and I are separating and I'm finally going back to school. My parents don't owe me a thing but they're letting us park a 5th wheel on their land and will help watch the kids while I'm in class. I will pay them for electricity and I imagine food since we'll probably eat together most nights. This arrangement is so that I can save money for the kids and I in the future (DH is still going to be sending us money to support us while I'm going to school).
I can either focus on being super independent and barely scrape by for the rest of my life or I can "mooch" off my parents for a few years and be truly independent.

How can I help my parents to make it more of an even exchange? Just do housework and cook whenever possible?

[acanthurus]

I'm 33. I've lived with my parents on and off since I was 25. I'm single, nerdy, and I totally play video games in my spare time.

Oh, and then there's the near 600k in liquid net worth I have going for me. In just the last 16 months alone I socked away about 100k (had a fantastic year).

How much have shitty American attitudes about family and over-emphasis on being independent cost you?

[dweebyhawkeyes]

acanthurus, I love you.

[mpbaker22]

Not so much financially, but I would admit that sometimes I feel jealous that my friends who live at home don't ever have to cook their own meals. Even though it is completely my choice to move out.

I'm not sure when "living like a child and having someone cook all your meals" became the logic conclusion of "living at home".
Can you explain that jump, please?

[acanthurus]

acanthurus, I love you.

So do all the ladies until they see my car :p

[Fuyu]

Not so much financially, but I would admit that sometimes I feel jealous that my friends who live at home don't ever have to cook their own meals. Even though it is completely my choice to move out.

I'm not sure when "living like a child and having someone cook all your meals" became the logic conclusion of "living at home".
Can you explain that jump, please?

Sure, it's more anecdotal conclusion than logical one. I'm sure there are people who live at home and cook their own meals. I just personally don't know any and not having to buy groceries and cooking my meals is the one of the things I miss the most after moving out. And I don't think there's anyone wrong with having your parents cook your meals if that's what they prefer.

[Sofa King]

What about if someone is in their 40's never worked a full time job in their life (at present time this "grown man" has not worked AT ALL for the past 3 years). Still has his Mommy (this is what he calls her) pay his car insurance (and gave him his car), cell phone, gas, EZ pass, school loan (went to college, took about 15 years getting a degree he will never use)  He currently lives with his girlfriend (she works full time tho) RENT FREE in a house his "mommy" owns.  If it were not for his girlfriend buying the food and his "mommy" giving free place to live he would be starving and homeless. The screwed up thing is no one ever says to this guy..... WTF?  They have zero expectations from him. I am dating his sister and just watch in amazement.  Now this guy is a MOOCH!!!   

[Michelle119]

I think it really depends on the situation. I moved out after my sophomore year of college and in with my boyfriend of the time who is now my husband, and never looked back. My sister on the other hand already graduated and is planning on moving back in with my dad until she finishes graduate school and gets a full-time job. I think if the person is saving/paying student loans back or doing something besides just drinking/partying/etc with their money then it is acceptable. I also grew up under the assumption that if I wasn't in school and living at home then I was to pay rent to my parents.

[Frankies Girl]

What about if someone is in their 40's never worked a full time job in their life (at present time this "grown man" has not worked AT ALL for the past 3 years). Still has his Mommy (this is what he calls her) pay his car insurance (and gave him his car), cell phone, gas, EZ pass, school loan (went to college, took about 15 years getting a degree he will never use)  He currently lives with his girlfriend (she works full time tho) RENT FREE in a house his "mommy" owns.  If it were not for his girlfriend buying the food and his "mommy" giving free place to live he would be starving and homeless. The screwed up thing is no one ever says to this guy..... WTF?  They have zero expectations from him. I am dating his sister and just watch in amazement.  Now this guy is a MOOCH!!!

How on earth does he have a girlfriend? Is she that messed up herself that she settled for a mamma's boy manchild, or does she somehow think he's going to change into a responsible human being through her influence? Wow, that's a stunningly screwed up situation.

[Sofa King]

I agree. He is in his early 40's she is in her mid 20's. Maybe she has Daddy issues? I am sure her family does not think highly of him. They have been together 2 years. You would think she would smarten up eventually.

[dragoncar]

I agree. He is in his early 40's she is in her mid 20's. Maybe she has Daddy issues? I am sure her family does not think highly of him. They have been together 2 years. You would think she would smarten up eventually.

Big johnson

[GuitarStv]

I'm 33. I've lived with my parents on and off since I was 25. I'm single, nerdy, and I totally play video games in my spare time.

Oh, and then there's the near 600k in liquid net worth I have going for me. In just the last 16 months alone I socked away about 100k (had a fantastic year).

How much have shitty American attitudes about family and over-emphasis on being independent cost you?

I'm 32.  Haven't lived with my parents since I was 19.  I'm married, with a kid on the way.  We have a liquid net worth of about 400k and have about 300k paid off of our mortgage.  In the last 16 months, we've saved about 90k.

I'd say the shitty attitudes about family and over-emphasis on being independent don't cost anywhere near as much as you seem to think they do.

I also think that if you're not paying your share of rent/utilities and helping out around the house (cleaning, cooking, doing the laundry) you're a giant parasite.  If you are helping out though, and your situation works for you . . . kudos.  But it's far from the only way to do things.

[Sofa King]

I agree. He is in his early 40's she is in her mid 20's. Maybe she has Daddy issues? I am sure her family does not think highly of him. They have been together 2 years. You would think she would smarten up eventually.

Big johnson

LOL!!!

[velocistar237]

A: I hate it when people live with their parents. Such moochers!
B: Actually, it can be a great arrangement all around, and it would help if we Westerners didn't have such a negative attitude about it. It's pretty common in the developing world.
A: Well, I wouldn't want to do it, but I guess it could be a good thing, as long as they're not mooching.

Is it just me, or is there very little actual disagreement here?

[limeandpepper]

A: I hate it when people live with their parents. Such moochers!
B: Actually, it can be a great arrangement all around, and it would help if we Westerners didn't have such a negative attitude about it. It's pretty common in the developing world.
A: Well, I wouldn't want to do it, but I guess it could be a good thing, as long as they're not mooching.

Is it just me, or is there very little actual disagreement here?

I don't know, the OP states an example like this:

I've had multiple friends that have moved back in with parents (some married) to save for a house, even though they make enough to both pay rent and save.

And probably doesn't have an in-depth view of the situation (or otherwise surely it would've been helpful to mention it), but just seems to highly disapprove of that scenario in general, regardless of the details.

I don't see anything wrong with the scenario cited above, unless it wasn't mutually satisfying for whatever reason.

Heck, when my cousin moved out for freedom and independence, etc etc, her parents shook their heads about it, as they thought she was silly to throw away the money on rent when they in fact preferred her to continue living in the family home. They weren't interested in charging board either, and would be happy enough if she bought groceries every now and then. A few years on, she bought her own place, and the parents threw in some cash to pad the down payment a bit. Ironically, the parents would likely have been less out of pocket if she'd just stayed with them and had a bigger deposit instead. ;)