The Money Mustache Community
General Discussion => Welcome and General Discussion => Topic started by: lukebuz on December 29, 2019, 08:21:52 AM
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An entire 3 seat sofa, piled to the top. We asked her to "reduce" and "limit" the giving, as we have a small, efficient house and our kid already has mountains of toys (he doesn't play with). So, we get this...
He is going to get to pick his favorite 5, and the rest go to Toys of Tots. She will be absolutely ENRAGED.
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Wow, horrifying. I’m stressed looking at the pile.
Stand firm and be open about donating thé toys. That is the only hope of stopping this.
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Also, whoever's parent this is should be the one to lay down the law. E.g. if she is your mom, you do it. If she is your mother-in-law, your wife needs to handle it.
That is a ton of toys! Crimminey.
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Can you return them and put the money in a college or other account for the kid?
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Holy shit, that's out of control. Good on you for holding firm (and I say this as someone who has a similar problem - one kid, a small house, and overly generous grandparents. We have multiple crates full of toys that we keep stored away).
Donating the excess is a good plan, but I hope you take the opportunity to use this as a teaching opportunity for your son as well. If I were in your position, I'd tell that his grandma got him all these toys because she loves him very much, but there are other children who don't have as many toys or any at all, and this is his chance to practice generosity by giving some of his extra things away to other kids who will be very happy to get them.
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Did you try talking to this grandparent beforehand? Just curious.
Took us a few years to get it rained in somewhat. We just ask for receipts and try to take stuff back for cash. I don't know what it is with grandparents. Seems like they're all addicted to buying junk, plastic presents for grandkids.
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Instead of Toys for Tots, I'd give grandma the option.
"As I told you, we are limiting toys and space, and this is too much. We've had Timmy select 5 items to keep. Shall we return the rest to you as they are unused and can be returned to the store, or would you prefer we donate them to Toys for Tots? In the future, this will be our plan for anything more than 5 toys per occasion, so let us know your preference. Thank you!" And include a photo with Timmy playing with one of the 5 keeper toys.
Also acceptable would be to add a third option of using the funds from returned toys to put in a college fund, if you think you'd be able to return them (or include with that option the fact that you'd need a receipt if that's the case).
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Holy cow.
Yeah, since you already asked her to reduce her number of presents and she didn’t, you should feel no guilt giving away or giving back the rest of them.
Problem with giving them back to her: will she just keep them for your kid to use at her house? Because there, you’re setting yourself up for a future power struggle. I don’t think I’d go that route.
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I feel your pain. We also have a Grandma in our lives who refuses to abide by our 1 toy per kid per relative rule. She also is weirdly competitive about it, always trying to goad the kids to saying that her presents are the best. It’s really irritating.
My husband had a serious talk with her and Grandpa this year about fewer presents and, if they want to be generous, contribute to their college funds. Grandpa is on board. But Grandma is not, and Grandma does the shopping.
She’s definitely got a lot of resentment about the fact that we don’t live nearby and won’t go to them for Christmas, plus she has no respect for our anti-consumerism or our other values. And she communicates that with presents. Lots and lots of noisy, crappy presents. It’s a difficult relationship.
No advice, but lots of sympathy to anyone dealing with this.
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Did you try talking to this grandparent beforehand? Just curious.
Took us a few years to get it rained in somewhat. We just ask for receipts and try to take stuff back for cash. I don't know what it is with grandparents. Seems like they're all addicted to buying junk, plastic presents for grandkids.
Not all grandparents! Mine are almost 4, 14 months, and 11 months. When I asked I say:
I don't buy gifts. I just put money in their college savings. I'd be surprised if any of my kids remember one gift their grandparents gave them before they were 10 years old. But every one of them remembers and appreciates the money they had for college. They will never forget that.
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An entire 3 seat sofa, piled to the top. We asked her to "reduce" and "limit" the giving, as we have a small, efficient house and our kid already has mountains of toys (he doesn't play with). So, we get this...
He is going to get to pick his favorite 5, and the rest go to Toys of Tots. She will be absolutely ENRAGED.
My multi-millionaire sister-in-law narcissist, has a 2nd birthday in July for her under 10 year old boys. Invites her friends that make under 50k, they bring $20-30 gifts. And she brags about how her kids have too many toys and that she gives the gifts to charity. To the working class people bringing the gifts. She does not work. Then their families was worth maybe $10 million. One person made $40k before taxes with $40 spent on gifts for the 2 boys.
So she had a fake extra birthday, her friend brought gifts that were 1/1000 of her yearly income, and she bragged to her friends about how the kids never get the gifts, because she does not spoil her kids with too many extra toys and gives them to charity.
It is not this story at all.
But yeah... outrage Grandma and tell her what gifts your kid actually wanted to keep. And the kids from families with less will enjoy the gifts. People are so often out of touch with reality.
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Did you try talking to this grandparent beforehand? Just curious.
Took us a few years to get it rained in somewhat. We just ask for receipts and try to take stuff back for cash. I don't know what it is with grandparents. Seems like they're all addicted to buying junk, plastic presents for grandkids.
Not all grandparents! Mine are almost 4, 14 months, and 11 months. When I asked I say:
I don't buy gifts. I just put money in their college savings. I'd be surprised if any of my kids remember one gift their grandparents gave them before they were 10 years old. But every one of them remembers and appreciates the money they had for college. They will never forget that.
I'm in my mid-40s and I remember precisely one gift that my grandparents gave me. I was probably in first grade and they took my sister and me to Toys R Us and let us each pick one toy. I got a Teddy Bear, and I slept with that thing every night and actually still own it.
Thought and connection are far more important than volume and expense!
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Jesus. This looks like a guilt pile to me. Perhaps you could suggest something more personal. For example, my grandmother tape recorded (this was back in the old days) herself reading some classic kid books for us. We used those days until they wore themselves out. Is it possible that the grandma in this case is simply missing her grandkids and trying to make up for it?
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I don't buy gifts. I just put money in their college savings. I'd be surprised if any of my kids remember one gift their grandparents gave them before they were 10 years old. But every one of them remembers and appreciates the money they had for college. They will never forget that. (http://I don't buy gifts. I just put money in their college savings. I'd be surprised if any of my kids remember one gift their grandparents gave them before they were 10 years old. But every one of them remembers and appreciates the money they had for college. They will never forget that.)
This is the winner . . . or you can say it is for either college or their first house down payment, just in case they get some giant scholarship or don't go to college.
OP, you definitely have my sympathy. My ex-MIL does exactly the same thing. There was and is nothing I can ever say to stop her or even slow her down.
We tried the "please limit it to 5 gifts per child." She just poo-pooed that like we were crazy people. I tried taking the excess to charity route (which absolutely did enrage her.) I even tried reason: "but if you buy them every single hot new toy and every single thing they ever mention they like throughout the year, then you rob everyone else of the opportunity to buy them something they want." Nope, that didn't work either. Because she just does not care. In reality, it is all about her. It's all about her shopping addiction and lack of impulse control. My kids reported that she told them she spent over $3K on their Christmas presents this year. I have no kind words . . . so I just suck it up and tell my kids that "Nana sure is a nice lady" . . . because now they are finally old enough to be like "WTF, Nana?!" They have learned all on their own to not tell her all the things they might want, and to hold some gift ideas back for other relatives who ask them.
The icing on the cake is that her son doesn't even pay his court-ordered child support on these same kids. Nice, huh?
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Jesus. This looks like a guilt pile to me. Perhaps you could suggest something more personal. For example, my grandmother tape recorded (this was back in the old days) herself reading some classic kid books for us. We used those days until they wore themselves out. Is it possible that the grandma in this case is simply missing her grandkids and trying to make up for it?
It is a power play. Grandmother is heavily narcissistic, she did this partly because she was told not to do it. It is all about Grandmother. She does not care about the grand kids liking the gifts really, it is mostly to manipulate her own child. To disrespect her son or daughter, and seem generous. She likely telling her friends how ungrateful her kids are.
I am sorry if this upsets OP, but that is what this is 100%.
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My MIL did this. 25 gifts per kid. A lot of it was cheap junk. Even the kids said they were stressed out. I asked her to cut back a little. She hung up the phone, called my husband at work and told him that I told her that she wasn't allowed to buy ANY presents for the kids anymore. Just shoot me. So we just started throwing it away or donating it after that. Then she'd get mad that she never saw the kids with the stuff she bought.
My parents (my mother really) just buys the kids one really nice gift each, then puts money in their college funds. The kids prefer this method.
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I guess we are lucky that Mr. FL’s parents got 2 gifts for our son and my mom bought 5. My dad got him clothes and he was on the phone with me in the store so it’s stuff he needs.
I did say to my mom, “You know you don’t have to get him five gifts. One gift would be more than enough.” And she said “I don’t want you to think I’m cheap!” 🙄
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Our grandparent wrapped multiple large amazon boxes and filled them with junk toys from goodwill. She helped our son open them and dumped dozens of small toys all over the floor!
Ill prob donate some older toys in equal amount back.
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I would just focus on what you're trying to accomplish. Are you trying to de-stress yourself from the donating of presents/conflict with grandparent? Are you trying to teach your kids about getting too much or possibly de-stress them? Are you frustrated by the wasted money of the presents that could be going into a college fund for your kids? How you answer will determine what you should do. We get a lot of presents from both grandparents for our kids. It does not really stress us too much. We just pare it down very soon/almost immediately, let them play hard with the toys that merit that without having to constantly harp at them for being careful with everything, etc, and reduce our own actual gifts to the kids accordingly. It's not necessarily the environmentally friendly thing to do and again it's dependent on the presents not stressing us out, but it works really well for us. In addition, although we get comparable amounts of gifts to the OP post, a very high percentage of them are usable and not just another cheap plastic junk toy. That's not to say that they're all extremely expensive items. However, new clothes, little art items like crayons, tons of paper to mark on, tons of candy that we dole out as rewards for months, are all legitimately appreciated if not necessary. To people who have suggested that it has to be narcissism that leads to this - I very heavily disagree that this must be the case. Both sides of grandparents are not that at all - they just really enjoy the kids opening up lots of presents and have both made actual effort to make many of the gifts reasonably practical and are aware that we will donate anything that we want to out of it with no complaints or necessity to notify them. I'd be fine with it being different, but it's not really a problem for us.
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Wow. That is off the hook.
The allowing to keep 5 grandma can decide to return or will be given to toys for tots is a good option. Hopefully only has to happen 1 or 2 times before she gets it.
I think our family has arrived at a semi decent level of gifts, where people can get their gifting out, but not a lot of waste. Though since my oldest likes tea, she has received her 4th teapot... I told her next time she gets a teapot she can say loudly "oh this is great, this will go great with my 4 OTHER tea pots." She got a ton of tea-related gifts but no oolong tea, which is the one tea related gift she requested.
At this point in my life, the gift stuff doesn't bother me. Everyone gets thank you notes, and stuff we don't want or need gets either re-gifted or donated.
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Just wanted to add, I do intend to give my grands one gift for Xmas and one for birthday, when they are old enough to notice.
After reading Villanelle's post, I think I'll take them shopping and let them pick one thing. Thanks!
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None of my kids grandparents ever gave more than one gift. Since when do people even need to be told??? I don’t have grandchildren but would do the same.
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Unwrapped?
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It is a power play. Grandmother is heavily narcissistic, she did this partly because she was told not to do it. It is all about Grandmother. She does not care about the grand kids liking the gifts really, it is mostly to manipulate her own child. To disrespect her son or daughter, and seem generous. She likely telling her friends how ungrateful her kids are.
I am sorry if this upsets OP, but that is what this is 100%.
Nope - not upset at all. In fact, I think you nailed it. She is a snipey bitter woman, who does all she can to undermine wife and I's relationship. I've never more stressed then when we have to go there (from out of state...and stay a few days), and suffer through until we leave. Every visit drives a wedge between wife and I, since she is torn on respecting her mother and working with her husband. Siiiigh.
Also - I liked the suggestion on giving her the option to keep the toys at her house or have me donate them. Keeping at her house is no big deal, it's 600 miles away. Their house isn't a hoard, but every unused room and the basement are absolutely piled to the ceiling with junk. Pretty sure she is a miserable woman who only gets a happy boost from shopping...
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Honestly, it sounds like you need to work through this in detail with your wife, perhaps with the help of a marriage counselor. In law behavior absolutely can drive a permanent wedge in a marriage.
Be extremely happy she is 600 miles away; mine moved the 600 miles to be next to her little darling in our town shortly after we were married. So almost every aspect of our lives became all about her and what she wanted, but her complete domination of every holiday was probably the worst part for me. That and her constant interference in our finances and child rearing. My ex-MIL was at least part of the catalyst for me ending up divorced . . . when my kids were in elementary school, which was sad.
One year, when our kids were tiny (1 and a half years old?), my parents flew in to visit us for Christmas . . . they brought presents in their suitcase, a normal one gift for each person. That year MIL brought like double her normally crazy amount of presents. It seriously took us something like 8 hours for the kids to get them all open. I'll never forget the look on my step-mom's face when about the fifth load of bags full of wrapped presents was brought in from MIL's van on Christmas morning. There is a reddit forum called "just no mother in law" that you might like.
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To the posters recommending having them put money in a college fund, how do you handle this transaction? Is it a check made out to the kid? Made out to the parent? Some kind of bank transfer you set up? Do you have the grandparents create the accounts?
Just trying to lock down the logistics on this - my first daughter is 2 weeks old and got an absolute mountain of garbage and I've seen my niece and nephews being buried for the past 4 Christmases.
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As for the 600 miles away - it was our blessing. We were in the same town, 10 mins away. It was rough at times. A job offer dropped in out of the blue, and we decided to move for it. Our 1st was only 6 months old. Wife still feels "guilty" about leaving, but she is getting over it.
For the 529 accounts - it's handled through your account servicer. They can provide info on how to send a deposit or a link they can use online, etc. Check servicer. Mine happens to be State of Iowa, even though I know longer live in Iowa. You don't have to be a resident to use them.
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To the posters recommending having them put money in a college fund, how do you handle this transaction? Is it a check made out to the kid? Made out to the parent? Some kind of bank transfer you set up? Do you have the grandparents create the accounts?
Just trying to lock down the logistics on this - my first daughter is 2 weeks old and got an absolute mountain of garbage and I've seen my niece and nephews being buried for the past 4 Christmases.
Hi! I opened a Uniform Gift to Minors savings accounts at my credit union which pays a $50 dividend annually. At 18, the child owns the account and can take money out. Anyone can put money in. I've shared the account numbers with my parents and other children, and they also have made deposits. You can take the deposit slip the bank gives and put it in a card for birthdays and Christmas. The parents can see the gift that way.
It started out as just a way to get that $50 annual dividend, but my youngest son likes to just give cash gifts, too. Then my parents started having to take RMDs and really started putting money in.
There are better investment options, like a 529, but a UGMA is owned by the child -- no one else can touch it.
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I’m going to take a different tack here. Is this excessive? Well, I guess the grandma is very excited, might be first grandchild and she’s probably lonely. I’d probably take the gifts and spread them out through the year. Think of it as, guess we don’t need to buy any toys this year. And if there’s a baby shower or bday party happening and it’s appropriate, you can re-gift. I wouldn’t try to start a war over it, but it would be good to have a chat about it.
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I’d start with the fact that the OP says they have mountains of toys that don’t get played with - maybe the first step to reducing toy stress is sorting through that.
I must say that the pile in the picture seems oddly diverse - some stuff seems appropriate for a very young child and some things for much older kids, but I wouldn’t say that it’s dollar store junk either.
Frankly, I’d keep most of that and put it away to bring out one or two things on a boring rainy day.
I’d discourage grandma from going berserk with the shopping, but I don’t think I’d be furious about it.
My parents bought my kids nice things that could be added to, like Brio trains. Those not only lasted through 3 kids, they’ve moved on to the next generation. I’ve started with magnatiles for my grandson, because they have a long play value and can be added to like that.
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Wow! That’s a pile! It sound extreme, but my daughter and husband only give the Christmas gifts (not that many to begin with) and we put money into 529’s. During the year we will give sticker books and games we will play with the grandchildren. Building a gingerbread house and baking are some other things we do. I just know being able to buy textbooks and paying tuition will give more joy later than plastic junk.
We always ask our adult children what they want for themselves and their children. Boundaries. What a concept!
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I’m going to take a different tack here. Is this excessive? Well, I guess the grandma is very excited, might be first grandchild and she’s probably lonely. I’d probably take the gifts and spread them out through the year. Think of it as, guess we don’t need to buy any toys this year. And if there’s a baby shower or bday party happening and it’s appropriate, you can re-gift. I wouldn’t try to start a war over it, but it would be good to have a chat about it.
Thanks! There for a second I was starting to feel a little bit bad about my response. Re-gifting is also a great idea. I guess in my mind some people like giving gifts, and especially if they don't have a lot of grand kids they might give a lot to the few they have. I don't see a lot of downside with it except the kids getting used to getting a lot of presents, which is certainly a problem. However, in picking your battles, as long as it is genuine, to me, it makes more sense to spread out over the year/re-gift/let them play hard with cheaper toys/donate what isn't needed with a lesson that you're giving to people who have less/etc. than making a big deal out of it. Not saying this is true of OP's case if it's not done out of a genuine nature of wanting to gift things to your grand kids.
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Okay, here is my $0.02 on regifting:
1. It is tacky. It really is the thought that counts with gifts. Re-gifting means you probably put no thought into what the other person really needs or wants.
2. You will get caught eventually . . . and then the gift receiver will have hurt feelings, or think you are tacky, or both.
So, how will you get caught? You better carefully inspect that merch before you regift. I've gotten "gifts" that had inscriptions written carefully to the other person inside the book cover, or little personal handwritten notes to them cleverly "hidden" inside by whoever gave it to them, or things that were just completely inappropriate for me but which clearly had been given to the other person.
Once you get caught, they probably won't tell you, but they probably also will think you are tacky (see #1) or don't care about them, or both, especially if you are giving them things they don't really want. They will also not trust you to be thoughtful genuine with them after that. Maybe you don't care, but maybe you do?
I've also received the multi-regift item: something I carefully picked out for my mother, because I genuinely thought she would want to eat it, which she then regifted to my brother's wife, which she then regifted to me. Yes, I am certain it is was the exact same item that I wrapped up. Yes, it was now a two year old food item. Wow, just wow.
I will point out that sentimental re-gifts with full disclosure can be different. For example, a note that says "your great grandmother painted this and gave it to me, and now I want you to have it because I noticed it matches the style you have in your new house" can be a priceless gift if it is coming from a place of sincerity. Cautionary note: the "I'm just trying to unload my junk to you because I hate it but can't bear to toss it or donate it because I'm a hoarder" can also sometimes an issue with this type of regift . . . so exercise good judgement.
You might think it just doesn't matter for little kids. But how much effort would it really take to find out what that kid is into? Does she collect unicorns, or does she love to draw, or is he really into snap circuits, or does he collect basketball cards? Your kid knows, or their parent knows. To me, one small gift that showing earnest interest in what the receiver likes (even if you miss the mark a little) is way better than some lousy cast off that you are giving just because you happen to have it in the cupboard or closet.
Just my $0.02. YMMV.
Back on topic: OP, grandma is being an asshole. Sounds like her asshole behavior extends into other areas. Asshole behavior should be addressed by establishing a boundary, which will make the asshole really mad, because they don't like boundaries, but boundaries are important.
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I don’t see nothing wrong with regifting if the people will never meet and it’s something the person would want. I have a friend in another state that always sends me a pair of earrings or a bracelet. Since I don’t work I don’t wear much jewelry. It’s always nice and I have a few friends locally that love jewelry. If it’s their style I will reuse it.
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To the posters recommending having them put money in a college fund, how do you handle this transaction? Is it a check made out to the kid? Made out to the parent? Some kind of bank transfer you set up? Do you have the grandparents create the accounts?
Just trying to lock down the logistics on this - my first daughter is 2 weeks old and got an absolute mountain of garbage and I've seen my niece and nephews being buried for the past 4 Christmases.
@coynemoney -- My MIL makes the check out to me. I take the money and use a small part of it to buy one thing to put under the tree for each kid, and I put the rest in their 529 accounts. Then each kid writes a very nice thank you card to Grandma telling her how much they loved X, and how much they appreciate the donation to their college fund. (When they were little I took a picture of them with the gifts, and wrote the thank you myself).
Yes, I am super lucky and have the best MIL in the world. OP you have my huge sympathy.
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I am shocked at antagonism towards re-gifting on this site, as it's super frugal :-). In all seriousness, we're talking about kids items here, not even adult items. Re-gifting of kids items is extremely logical. We've received so many kids toys/items at different times that we haven't re-gifted everything we'd like to from years ago and still have a stash of them. Unopened kids toys, especially for young birthday parties make a ton of sense. I've re-gifted a few times for adults, but it was like a book I didn't read but knew someone else would like and a gift for one of those gift stealing deals.
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I regift all the time, but generally I am up front that it is a regift, and I don't do that in lieu of a non-regift (though occasionally in some situations, I might). I'd also never regift stale food, like Zamboni's family.
I got a scarf/wrap for Christmas. It was pretty and very soft, but not something I'd ever wear. I showed it to my sister and she said her MIL might like it, so I gave it to my sister to give to MIL. To me, that's exactly how regifting should work. It wasn't the thoughtless pawning off of my crap on someone else. It was a nice item, just not for me. And it was given to someone because it seemed there was a strong likelihood she would like it, so it was thoughtful. it wasn't "crap, I need a gift for Susie" *looks around room* "Oh, here's something with a tag so I can slap her name on it and fulfill the gifting obligation". And the original giver was a relative of my husband and the recipient was a relative of my sister's husband. There's no connection there.
Regifting doesn't have to be cheap and thoughtless.
If there's a board game (for example) in the stash that seems age appropriate and fun for a friend's kid who you happen to know enjoys board games, I can't see how it is cheap or tacky to pass it along. And if it is sealed, there's no chance there's a secret card with a personal message stuffed inside.
Once needs to use care, thought, and common sense when regifting. But kind of also when just gifting.
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^Yes, apologies for my hostility towards re-gifting.
I think it may derive from the fact that many of my family work in professions where people (regular happy customers, basically) feel obligated to give them gifts at Christmas. Years of watching those gifts get opened mean I know that those gifts range from the fabulous (which they keep) to the homemade (which they keep) to the off target or fairly lousy (some of which are probably regifts, which they then re-regift.) It has been my whole life, and it has just gotten old.
Need to think about how to just put a moratorium on gifts for next year. Once all my kids are gone, I’m really really hoping that the gifting random unwanted stuff to me will just stop.
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^Yes, apologies for my hostility towards re-gifting.
I think it may derive from the fact that many of my family work in professions where people (regular happy customers, basically) feel obligated to give them gifts at Christmas. Years of watching those gifts get opened mean I know that those gifts range from the fabulous (which they keep) to the homemade (which they keep) to the off target or fairly lousy (some of which are probably regifts, which they then re-regift.) It has been my whole life, and it has just gotten old.
Need to think about how to just put a moratorium on gifts for next year. Once all my kids are gone, I’m really really hoping that the gifting random unwanted stuff to me will just stop.
Start now. Send thank you notes and mention that while you appreciate the gifts, this year you realized that it is time with family (or shared sentiments and greetings, if you don't actually see the person) that is most important to you, so next you you've like to skip the gift exchange.
As someone who shops for Christmas year round, I'd be annoyed if you told me in September because I might see the perfect item for you at a craft fair in July. And because the holidays are still fresh in everyone's minds, it gives you kind of an in to bring it up.
Then, next year in maybe October, mention it again. "The holiday season is right around the corner and I'm looking forward to sharing time with all the people who are most special to me. As I mentioned after last year's festivities, I'd like to skip the gift exchange this year and focus on quality time with all of you. Looking forward to seeing you in a couple months!"
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There is nothing wrong with regifting given the caveats listed above. Me,
I prefer used items for the most part. But mainly I prefer, at Xmas, nothing st all because it is usually all crap.
I wasn’t going to post this but since were talking about excess mounds of unwanted holiday gifts and regifting and how to dispose of it all, I want to say that grandma’s stack pictured in the first post is equal to what our friend used to give our household every year. Yes, we are grown adults. We have no children. There’s no reason whatsoever to gift us a mountain of crap, but we got it.
Shirts that didnt fit and were never the style DH wore. Dumb kitchen gadgets. Cutesy onocknacks. Bath and body crap I do t use. Etc etc. Sometimes some food items that I used, sometimes didnt use. A mountain of crap and I do mean there were 24 items many years, I know because I counted them, each of us received 12 items. Multiple times I asked her not to gift us, she ignored my requests, so after that the pile was mine to do with as I pleased. Much of it went straight to the garbage.
It took a couple of years before DH learned to come home from the gifting frenzy and place all of his stuff on our table, along with mine. I made them magically disappear, usually by the next day. In the early years he used to say “! regift it regift it ,” and I will admit that in the early days I sometimes put some of it aside for regifting. But the items were mostly just stuff we don’t want, and neither did anyone else.
There was one gifting event that stands out in my mind from just a few years ago. I opened a box of three vases and one of the vases was broken.None of the vases worked for my floral arrangement hobby because they were made to be ornamental, their necks were far too narrow to hold plant material. They were useless for me. I asked the gifter to please not replace them. She didn’t listen and she ordered them all over again.
All of the “thoughtful gifts” people give us often are not thoughtful at all because the giver doesnt understand needs or wants.
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He is going to get to pick his favorite 5, and the rest go to Toys of Tots.
Last year and this year we had a similar issue. We brought the favorites in to add to the toy box and the rest were saved for Toys for Tots. Unfortunately, we couldn't find a drop off location anywhere after Christmas.
Does anyone have a suggestion for where to donate gifts now that Christmas has passed?
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Sigh.
My mother in law was this way (passed 5 years ago), but it would start Christmas eve when we'd go to their house. The kids would get 2 or 3 or 4 gifts each. Then on the day, another 10 or more. My wife was always watching carefully as duplicates often appeared. She'd pull them out of the pile, covertly. Back to the store it would go. Stores like Wal Mart and Target have their own UPC codes, so even without a receipt, they know they sold it. After many years of telling her not to buy so much, it never helped at all. She also brought both kids presents at every single visit. They lived 12 miles away. I am still finding and throwing out a lot of this stuff.
double sigh.
My wife was worse. Gifts were always placed in a store room in our basement ahead of time and brought up (by guess who) on Christmas eve. Every single year, my wife would say "I'm not buying much this year". But last year (2018), for example, I brought up 5 construction bags full. For our little kids who are now.......19 and 23. Finally, this year, she backed off and a small number of gifts, gas gift cards and amazon gift cards made up most of it. The FIL gave checks intended for college (they're both in college, so that's been spent already on spring semester). My mom sent checks. Nobody felt slighted or like they didn't get enough.
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My folks initially did the same.
The first few years I was polite but asked them to lessen the flow (which was promptly ignored)
On the 4th year I told them that every gift was going to be taken unwrapped to the Riley Children’s hospital. When my folks showed up with a truckload of crap, I explained to my daughter in front of my folks & brother's family again what we were doing. My folks were livid.
To prep my daughter for this we had her meet some of the kids less fortunate. After christmas she wanted to do the same for her birthday – and for the last 4 years we have a playdate with her school/church friends stating as such. Now most all of her classmates’ birthdays do the same - a gift drive for suffering children.
The next year they brought a huge plastic $1,500 playplace (we have a small yard) and started constructing in it our living room! I told my daughter it was too big to give to Riley’s, so she could play with it for 1 week then we would put it at the end of the street with a ‘free’ sign posted. My folks were livid.
The next year my brother began doing the same with his (younger) children. His wife told my folks they were driving a compact car and anything that didn't fit comfortably in the trunk along with their suitcase would be left at their house (they are a day away). They left the majority of the crap.
This year - 8 years later, each child received from them 1 modest physical gift, 1 experience certificate, an evening of doing craft projects together followed by baking together, and UTMA funds (Can grab VTI in Fidelity this way). Everyone was happy. But it took YEARS.
…
Telling my folks that I was not appreciative of materialistic gifts – either given or received –– was just as big of a hurdle.
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My folks initially did the same.
The first few years I was polite but asked them to lessen the flow (which was promptly ignored)
On the 4th year I told them that every gift was going to be taken unwrapped to the Riley Children’s hospital. When my folks showed up with a truckload of crap, I explained to my daughter in front of my folks & brother's family again what we were doing. My folks were livid.
To prep my daughter for this we had her meet some of the kids less fortunate. After christmas she wanted to do the same for her birthday – and for the last 4 years we have a playdate with her school/church friends stating as such. Now most all of her classmates’ birthdays do the same - a gift drive for suffering children.
The next year they brought a huge plastic $1,500 playplace (we have a small yard) and started constructing in it our living room! I told my daughter it was too big to give to Riley’s, so she could play with it for 1 week then we would put it at the end of the street with a ‘free’ sign posted. My folks were livid.
The next year my brother began doing the same with his (younger) children. His wife told my folks they were driving a compact car and anything that didn't fit comfortably in the trunk along with their suitcase would be left at their house (they are a day away). They left the majority of the crap.
This year - 8 years later, each child received from them 1 modest physical gift, 1 experience certificate, an evening of doing craft projects together followed by baking together, and UTMA funds (Can grab VTI in Fidelity this way). Everyone was happy. But it took YEARS.
…
Telling my folks that I was not appreciative of materialistic gifts – either given or received –– was just as big of a hurdle.
In these instances it is clear the gifting frenzy is all about the gifters, not the recipients.
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I fully concur
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My family did the same thing this year. I still have a van full of toys that I need to sort through to give away. We've a tiny apartment and too much chit to begin with, and told them, and asked to limit the gifts this year, all to no avail. My lady has wanted to go nuts at Ross or TJ Maxx to bring garbage bags if junk for them lol. I've stopped her for two years, I don't think I'll be able to this next year. It's like they think "oh they don't mean it, and we're grandparents we have a right to spoil the chit out of them kids." Ahhhh. The kids don't even play with half the toys, and prefer throwing boxes around and climbing to get Mom's spatulas to smack on tables. Argh when will the madness stop?
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My youngest opened up a pack of orange Tic-Tacs and thrust them in the air like it was the Hope Diamond.
It was awesome.
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Lol, tic tacs are awesome, and kids are the best!
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Hey all. OP here.
Much great advice, and I appreciate all your stories.
To the one poster who mentioned different age range of toys, yes; we have a new baby. The tsunami of plastic will double in future years. Wife proposed we rent a UHaul trailer to bring back the toys. OMFG.
I think we will quit asking for less gifts...pretty much every person here says they try, and it doesn't work. I've asked for experiences and time spent at things they will remember, and all we get is more mounds of plastic trash. It's become apparent to me, it's all about the person giving the gifts, and what they want (in part to force their lifestyle of clutter and greed on us), vs what we want (which is to developed a sense of appreciation for your possessions and charity).
We'll keep the gifts in our outside storage space (a shed, we have plenty of room outdoors), and use for birthday parties and regifting and charity donations. I'm certain a less fortunate child (and we are blessed) will enjoy a new racecar track set much more than our child, who already has 4 open, and 3 more unopened in the shed...
Keep the stories coming!
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He is going to get to pick his favorite 5, and the rest go to Toys of Tots.
Last year and this year we had a similar issue. We brought the favorites in to add to the toy box and the rest were saved for Toys for Tots. Unfortunately, we couldn't find a drop off location anywhere after Christmas.
Does anyone have a suggestion for where to donate gifts now that Christmas has passed?
Goodwill, Salvation Army, and a Vietnam Veterans charity all take toys. Anything you post in the “free” section of Craigslist will be snapped up by someone who is either needy or frugal.
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One more suggestion...if you can't beat them, join them. Send the grandparents a wishlist of things you do want, or would like to have but would never pay for. Include the event stuff (e.g. annual pass to zoo). If they're going to overspend, it shouldn't be on junk.
I told my boys after they got Nintendo 64 for Christmas, that Santa was all done paying for the hot new video game console. A few years later they might have mentioned to grandma that they wanted Playstation.
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I am shocked at antagonism towards re-gifting on this site, as it's super frugal :-). In all seriousness, we're talking about kids items here, not even adult items. Re-gifting of kids items is extremely logical. We've received so many kids toys/items at different times that we haven't re-gifted everything we'd like to from years ago and still have a stash of them. Unopened kids toys, especially for young birthday parties make a ton of sense. I've re-gifted a few times for adults, but it was like a book I didn't read but knew someone else would like and a gift for one of those gift stealing deals.
I have absolutely no qualms whatsoever about regifting - i have told people for years not to buy me stuff.
if they don't listen, well, i'm going to give it to someone else.
I even take the piss with cards - i will put a thin line through my name and give it to someone.
Most people see the funny side.
I really cbf wasting $5 and another part of a tree.
If i buy gifts, it will either be something like a hamper (that will get eaten/drunk) or donations in peoples names.
I just 100% refuse to engage in buying cr@p anymore.
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Also, check your local women't shelter - they are often in search of toys.
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If I'm ever tempted to spoil my nieces, I make myself follow the 4 gifts rule: Something they want, something they need, something to wear, something to read. Then I can put a lot of thought into making those 4 things meaningful. Yes, 4 is still a lot, but the something they need is usually a deposit to their investment account.
Another idea would be to reach out to a local community center or church. Sometimes they have lists of less fortunate families who could use holiday "angels." This might satisfy grandma's urge to splurge in a way that feels more personal than something like Toys for Tots.
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That's an incredible amount of gifts. I come from a big family where everyone has always bought a gift for everyone else. It's only one gift per person; but this quickly gets into large numbers with a large family. It can be stressful at times but its such a big part of our family culture that I cannot imagine how it's going to change anytime soon.
I can understand how hurtful it could be to be told that a gift (or in this case 22 gifts) is un-wanted. Your MIL probably felt like she was trying to do something kind and trying to be a part of your life, her daughters life, and her grandchilds life. It would feel like a huge slap in the face to have that gift rejected.
I get trying to keep the clutter in your home down and trying to teach your daughter not to buy into the whole consumerism thing and applaud you for it. I guess i'm just encouraging you to also take your MIL's feelings into account and try and find ways to include her in your lives and make her feel valued. That might help reduce her need to over gift.
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I’m bumping this because my in-laws just gave my son a complete set of the 12-inch Avengers action figures and they said that this is the “appetizer” and they have “a lot more.”
I honestly don’t know how to feel about this.
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We've had very firm conversations with my parents around this topic.
It sucks and we probably hurt their feelings. It is what it is.
But my parents would shower our kid (their only grandkid) with gifts if we let them, which is a problem when there are two sets of grandparents as well as us and family who all want to give gifts too.
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I glanced over the original thread from last year. I liked ideas about donations and college funds. As a grandparent myself, I also like the idea of keeping some of the gifts at the grandparents house. Our grands are under five years old, and having some toys at our house gives them something to play with when they spend time with us (sometimes up to a week). And they don’t have to tote toys back-and-forth when they visit. The fact that they have some toys in both houses doesn’t spoil them at all because when they’re playing at one house, the toys at the other house are “out of mind.” As a daily cyclist, I’ve also bought 2 bike seats and a couple helmets to take them out when they visit (and a cheap car seat to use in the car when needed)...it all cost $100s not $1000s and has made their time at my house constantly active, engaging for them, and fun for all of us. A few weeks ago, my oldest grandson said, “I can’t go home yet. I haven’t rode a bike! (his toddler grammar). It had rained, but he had made the point that he associated coming to our house with getting out on the bike. Totally awesome feeling for me!
Of course, this only applies if they visit more than 1-2 times per year. I wouldn’t do this if they only came for a short visit around the holidays.
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We had the same issue for many years while the kids were young. It didn't stop until the grandparents retired and had to watch their money more. It extended to gifts to the adults, as well. I remember one Christmas my mother-in-law gave me a bunch of clothes. Took the tags off everything. None of it was my size. Wish she'd at least left the tags on so I could have swapped it out for correct size. All the clothes wound up at Goodwill. When my brother-in-law got married she bought everything on the registry. The brides family was upset because her relatives wanted to buy them some things for their house. I know everything was done out of love so I tried to roll with it but wish much of that money was put in a college account. Now that the oldest grandchild is in college extra funds would be helpful. Things have really changed this year which I'm happy about. In-laws only bought for the kids and suggested money we'd spend on adults go to a foodbank or charity helping all those impacted by Covid19.
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I hadn't come across the concept of an over-giver before reading this post, but it seems to fit here -
https://mariakillam.com/over-giver/
The quote that stood out to me is -
“Never give anyone more than they are emotionally capable of receiving, or they will have no choice but to hate you for it.”
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I hadn't come across the concept of an over-giver before reading this post, but it seems to fit here -
https://mariakillam.com/over-giver/
The quote that stood out to me is -
“Never give anyone more than they are emotionally capable of receiving, or they will have no choice but to hate you for it.”
Wow. A family member cut her off for 5 YEARS because she's an overgiver? I really hope that person stops giving advice and starts getting some therapy. That's some pretty serious boundary stomping. And her flippant post doesn't give me comfort that she really gets the seriousness of her offense.
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I’m bumping this because my in-laws just gave my son a complete set of the 12-inch Avengers action figures and they said that this is the “appetizer” and they have “a lot more.”
I honestly don’t know how to feel about this.
I'm not sure how many avengers there are, but 12 inch tall action figures are HUGE. As for the rest - well, the inlaws can keep it all at their house.
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Sigh
My MIL (RIP) did this. The inlaws lived 12 miles away, so it wasn't like they saw us only on Christmas or something. In addition EVERY TIME they came by, they had some gift for each of our kids. On one kid's birthday, they got the numerous gifts for the kid having a birthday and a couple for the other. We asked them to knock it off and they wouldn't. In addition, they'd often buy 2 of something so they'd have that toy at our house and at their house.
Some solutions: We'd put aside presents. Especially ones we could tell the kids had no need for. Days later, we'd make the rounds. Wal Mart, Toys R Us, Target. Return without a receipt. You know the bar codes are set up specifically for each store. So if it came from Wal Mart, they scan and know. The money goes into their account that we called their college fund. My younger one (now 20) has like 9 grand in it now.
Other: To toy/kids consignment shop. Anything new and wrapped will get some money back. Again, money into their account.
Some went to church toy collections for families in need.
Even then, the toys built and built. I've been cleaning things out for years. Literally small plastic pieces and broken toys by the trash barrel full. Slowly but surely it will get done.
Like I always say......you can't control other people. You just do what you can and deal with it.
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Merry Christmas, everyone!
Good link. I don't think that most over-givers understand how obnoxious their behaviour seems to many other people.
My kids are teenagers. Over-giving Nana still over gives. Kids have learned to try to channel her to specific things, and to not tell her everything they want (because she does buy EVERYTHING, and then some).
Anyway, funny/sad story from this year:
Nana pestered my kids for their "Christmas lists" starting in early November. My son turned this into an amusing exercise in mostly requesting presents that Nana won't want to give him but will anyway because she just can't stop herself, such as the "Pit Viper" sunglasses he requested this year.
My daughter rarely wants anything (seriously, she's an anti-consumer, lucky me), so this whole exercise is a lengthly semi-annual tug-o-war between her and Nana. My daughter has learned she must comply or be relentlessly Nana-hounded, and you can't just give Nana a list of 1 thing, she wants a list of at least 4-5 things, and then she buys it all. So my daughter thought and thought and came up with 3 things . . . and the only thing she really wanted (and needed!) was a particular pair of athletic sneakers. She even had her friends help her decide on the color before she put them on "the list". Anyway, you know Nana got her a pile of random stuff but NOT the sneakers she needs that she so carefully put on her list.
Daughter didn't say anything until everyone was gone, and then she said to me "I really was looking forward to having new shoes. Nana bugged me and bugged me and so I spent a lot of time picking them out. It was kinda the only thing I wanted. Oh well." Ugh!
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Man that is stressful! I know she means well but it’s crazy that people can’t put themselves in the other person’s mindset sometimes.
Receiving 22 items that you did not need or want means 22 objects that you need to inventory, care for, and find a place for amongst limited square footage. Happy Holidays!
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We gave our bonus kid (who still lives with us) 14 gifts yesterday. All of them were food items from Grocery Outlet that will be easy to stick in his bike bag. The currency that was taped to each item prior to wrapping was his real gift. His older, married, pregnant sister and her family received an Amazon gift card of significantly higher value, because she lives too far away for us to visit. Our soon to be oldest of two grandbabies will probably get the same amount deposited into her 529 by the end of the year. All done. Feels right.
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[/quote]
Not all grandparents! Mine are almost 4, 14 months, and 11 months. When I asked I say:
I don't buy gifts. I just put money in their college savings. I'd be surprised if any of my kids remember one gift their grandparents gave them before they were 10 years old. But every one of them remembers and appreciates the money they had for college. They will never forget that.
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I really like this idea and think I will do this when I have my own grandchildren. Now the question is how much to invest so college is paid for. I mean you could do 5,000 per year for ages 1-10 and have a good base of 50000 to grow for the next 8 years but I don't know if that will be enough or will it be too much..??
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@lukebuz How did things go this year?
And for some comfort to others, not all grandparents are like this! My own grandmothers gave us at most one gift apiece; one grandmother lived on the other side of the continent and came from a culture that doesn't celebrate Christmas, and I don't think she always sent a gift. My parents did the same for our kids--one gift apiece at Christmas, sometimes also one on their birthdays--and now we do the same for our grandkids.
On my husband's side the story is different but also hopeful. He grew up in a house where every child had his personal mountain of gifts on Christmas morning, and my MIL's initial impulse was to do the same for the grandkids. But we had conversations over the course of a few years, with goodwill and respect on both sides, and she drastically reduced the number of gifts.
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And just to present the other side of things - despite my minimalistic instincts, at the young age my kids are, I do still enjoy them having gifts from their grandparents to open up. The gifts tend to be a lot of drawing books/crayons and the like to play with, candy and things that we divvy out over the course of weeks if not months (but we now don't have to buy), clothes items like a new/bigger set of mittens, scarfs, etc., and a few plastic toy things that yes, they will likely use and get tired of, but they enjoy for awhile. One side does bigger gifts (i.e. a new bicycle/electric scooter, etc.), while the other side does many smaller individual gifts but usually ones that are useful, and it is fun to watch young kids tear up a lot of wrapping paper in excitement. The added bonus is we don't have to buy many of the consumables we would (my kids go through a crap ton of paper and drawings supplies/candy for treats and so on). I agree that they likely won't remember any individual gift, but I do think they'll remember the fun of opening up gifts on Christmas. It's taken a few years to get the hang of how to handle it (going ahead and separating things, knowing where to put unopened items that will be used but over time, being willing to immediately or very quickly donate anything that doesn't fit or for any particular reason needs to leave), and I wouldn't be upset if they got fewer gifts or college funds instead. However, it's what their grandparents like to do, and it's turned out to be not that bad for our situation.
ETA: My post was not to minimize anyone's frustration but to hopefully provide some thoughts if you do have someone who wants to give a lot of gifts. It can be manageable if you work with them on what they give, and there is some fun excitement from having more than just one or two gifts to open, especially if you have a kid younger than 10.
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To the posters recommending having them put money in a college fund, how do you handle this transaction? Is it a check made out to the kid? Made out to the parent? Some kind of bank transfer you set up? Do you have the grandparents create the accounts?
I set up an account for my nieces and nephew years ago at Schwab. It's a custodial Coverdell account, and I set up auto-transfers monthly from my checking account.
The oldest is heading for college next year. My $4k of contributions is now worth more than $9k. Enough to pay for one semester at a state school, so maybe not life-changing. But way better than $4k of crap through the years. (We have bought modest gifts, on the order of $40 per birthday and Xmas, per kid).
;)
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I understand your frustration. But I think there are bigger problems in the world. At least they have a grandparent that cares about them. At least they received gifts. Let them play with one toy a week and then donate it afterwards if you don't want it around. Not really something to stress over.
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Wow, and I thought my kids were over-gifted by my family.... it is tough to. break these habits, but if they won't listen to your requests, I think donation (and being very VOCAL that you did that) may be your best bet. Good luck!
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I totally get what you're saying, I think every family member just wants to give the young ones something fun to open on the big day, which unfortunately turns into a good deal of excess. I like your idea on donation for the extras, but have you considered possibly hanging on to them and either using as a regift for the inevitable next kids birthday party your child goes to, or just storing them for a time your child earns something due to either hard work or good grades, etc? I'm just thinking of other options, but yours is of course great too.
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This took 8 years to break some family of. The vocalization of gifting to donations helped. Telling the child as they opened a gift in front of the gifter that they'd have to go and remove a similar sized toy to donate or donate the gift itself helped a ton. Now the worst offenders obtain 1 nice gift that's actually been requested by the child and usually 1 small activity.
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All gifts once opened must be earned before they're allowed to play with them - that's been enforced per child since age 3. The continued use of toys, games, etc must then be reearned.
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We still have 1 offender - the MIL gave more gifts than all other family combined. Not thoughtful... And the process was 100% about her including a few tantrums.
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Wow! 22 gifts for one kid. Crazy.
We usually buy my sister in laws four girls a Christmas dress and 5-6 gifts each every year. This is because up until this year they've been underemployed and couldn't afford to do a lot for the kids. This year we still bought the same amount but the parents went all out because they are in a much better financial situation now due to a new job. This resulted in mountains of gifts for each kid and they literally opened presents from 5:30am till 7:30am. TWO FLIPPING HOURS! We were at their house on Christmas morning and there wasn't even room to walk once everything was unwrapped and scattered about. It was insanity.
Next year if the parents are in the same financial situation we are cutting back to one dress and 1-2 gifts per child, because this year was just nuts.
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An entire 3 seat sofa, piled to the top. We asked her to "reduce" and "limit" the giving, as we have a small, efficient house and our kid already has mountains of toys (he doesn't play with). So, we get this...
He is going to get to pick his favorite 5, and the rest go to Toys of Tots. She will be absolutely ENRAGED.
I have 4 grands...they each got ONE present from us for Christmas. Some form of clock (either a kit or puzzle/learning toy based on age/ability) with 12 coupons for time spent with us for various activities (baking/hiking/sleepover/boating again based on their age in 2021). The card read...the best gift of all is the gift of time.
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so...
I have a story for you this year!
Not exactly sure how many toys the original "22 gifts" offender is going to get this year - haven't been up there yet. However, the other set of grandparents (my parents) did it this year.
Ready for this?
Without even asking us, they bought a 14-foot trampoline (the HUGE KIND) and said it was available for pickup anytime (direct from store). NO FUCKING WAY. I'm NOT FUCKING LOOKING AT A UGLY-ASS TRAMPOLINE IN MY YARD FOR THE NEXT DECADE! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!
If I wanted to have to mow around, care for, clean, maintain and look at an ugly trampoline, we'd have bought one already.
I called them immediately, and said "thanks for the gift, but we will not be picking it up". I mean, you at least have to get parent's permission before buying something like that. It's almost as bad as buying someone a dog without talking to them first.
OH LORDY.
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HOLY COW!
All my sympathy, OP--and I say this as someone who owns and loves a 16-ft trampoline.
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Not trying to start a debate but my Dad was an emergency room physician and is prone to dark humor. He calls trampolines moneymakers because of the many, many injuries he treated and refused to let my sister and I play on them growing up. Feel free to blame the refusal on your doctor's advice if it makes your life easier!
Can you "pick up" the item and then immediately return it for store credit?
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so...
I have a story for you this year!
Not exactly sure how many toys the original "22 gifts" offender is going to get this year - haven't been up there yet. However, the other set of grandparents (my parents) did it this year.
Ready for this?
Without even asking us, they bought a 14-foot trampoline (the HUGE KIND) and said it was available for pickup anytime (direct from store). NO FUCKING WAY. I'm NOT FUCKING LOOKING AT A UGLY-ASS TRAMPOLINE IN MY YARD FOR THE NEXT DECADE! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!
If I wanted to have to mow around, care for, clean, maintain and look at an ugly trampoline, we'd have bought one already.
I called them immediately, and said "thanks for the gift, but we will not be picking it up". I mean, you at least have to get parent's permission before buying something like that. It's almost as bad as buying someone a dog without talking to them first.
OH LORDY.
That is pretty presumptuous. At some point, you're almost to the level of getting someone else an animal for a pet without asking. I've sort of almost had that happen, but thankfully it was only a fish.
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Not all grandparents! Mine are almost 4, 14 months, and 11 months. When I asked I say:
I don't buy gifts. I just put money in their college savings. I'd be surprised if any of my kids remember one gift their grandparents gave them before they were 10 years old. But every one of them remembers and appreciates the money they had for college. They will never forget that.
[/quote]
I really like this idea and think I will do this when I have my own grandchildren. Now the question is how much to invest so college is paid for. I mean you could do 5,000 per year for ages 1-10 and have a good base of 50000 to grow for the next 8 years but I don't know if that will be enough or will it be too much..??
[/quote]
That quote is mine. My grandkids all have other grandparents who gift generously, so they have plenty of new toys. I put $50 each for birthday and Christmas in a savings account at a local credit union that pays a $50 dividend every year. (The interest is minimal.) This is theirs to do whatever they want with when they turn 18. Other family members have also put money in.
I also have 529 plans for each, where I have an auto pay for $50 for birthday and Christmas. I also started each 529 with $500 when they were born. This year for the first time, I added more up to the max I can deduct on my state taxes . These accounts are technically mine, and I could move the funds, or even withdraw them. I do intend them for education only, and if one child doesn't go, the funds can be moved to another family member. 529s have very specific rules, so make sure that's really what you want. I kept the amounts low until now, because I didn't know what I'd do if one didn't go to college.
I do intend to give them a gift (a book) and cash (equal to their age) for their birthdays once they are 5. I'm a reader, so I want to encourage reading. My mom used to give my children their age in 1's in a card for their birthdays, and they loved that.
Hope that helps!
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Yall or your brother/sister or bro inlaw/sis inlaw need to have more kids. Grandma has too much time on her hands =)
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Wow, lukebuz, you have my sympathies. A freakin' trampoline?* What this sounds like is an attempt to show love (or curry favor) with the grandkids, and in the pursuit of that goal, the parents' wishes/feelings/needs are completely irrelevant.
On a smaller scale, the first Christmas after DW and were married, my lovely mother gifted us a Willow Tree nativity. Very nice, very expensive, very fashionable, ...and very much to my mother's taste. But not to ours. We were poor college students, living in a one-bedroom apartment, ...and already had a nativity. We didn't need an extraordinarily expensive (to us) nativity, didn't like it (creepy faceless figurines!), and had nowhere to put it. However, knowing that my mother took great care in her selection of gifts, I did not want to offend my mom. So I called my dad and explained our predicament--"I know it means a lot to Mom, and it's really nice, and I know it's really expensive, but it's not to our taste, and we don't want to offend her, etc. What do you suggest?", implicitly hoping that he'd give us good advice without telling my mom. Apparently, I was a bit too subtle, because he subsequently discussed it with Mom, and let us know we could return it to them. I did so, naively thinking (I was 22, cut me some slack!) that they'd find another gift, or just drop the whole thing, and no harm done. Nope. Mom was terribly insulted, although she never admitted it. Fortunately, a few years later, the burgeoning population of grandchildren reached the point where she was overwhelmed with the time and effort required to find just the right gift for each, and that's when she and Dad started sending money to their kids instead, with a note that basically said "We can't keep up any more, so please use this money to get something your family would enjoy." We have gratefully done just that ever since, and made sure to tell Grandma and Grandpa how their generous gift is bringing delight to our family.
*We had a 14-foot trampoline growing up (this was in the early 90's), and it was an instant hit in the neighborhood. I think two injuries resulted over the years, including a really nasty forearm fracture. Eventually, the insurance company convinced my parents to get rid of it.