To the facepunching posters: Give it a rest unless you've been in an ever increasing bubble where you do everything right and still lose.
Could you please start by understanding that at least some of the "facepunching posters" have been in your and the OP's situation and somehow managed to figure out a workaround? I have, as have many others. We're answering to help by sharing our knowledge because we choose to, not because there's any rule that we have to.
Let me make this perfectly clear:
This forum has rules that must be obeyed. It also has guidelines. Swearing is encouraged, as are Badassity, Challenges, Gauntllets and most of all, Facepunches. We poke fun at Asshats and Complainypants. We help people who ask for it, in hopes of making their journey to FIRE faster, easier, or both. Everyone's presence is optional, and we all contribute at the discretion of the moderators, who are volunteers themselves.
I called an airline recently and the hold message spelled out a bunch of conditions for travel on their airline. Then the message said something to the effect of "By continuing this call, you are agreeing to the terms and conditions set forth in this message." Posting on thus forum is kind of similar. You do not get to change the rules, or be a complainypants without repercussion. It doesn't work that way and your continued participation signifies understanding of the rules and culture in which you are participating
Now, if you're willing to be open minded, I have a few things to say about your exact situation, based on my own personal experience. If you say no, then just stop reading right here. I'm going to continue for the sake of the OP and any other reader who might benefit.
I appreciate this is a tough situation. I have always lived in a HCOLA, was never a high wage earner, and was single until I was 54. I achieved FI prior to marriage. I purchased four homes when I was single and four more since marriage and RE. I know what the fuck I am talking about. Plus, the only monerary windfall I ever had was a $6k inheritance from my grandfather. No loans other than mortgages, either. If you are as bound and determined to own your own home as I was, you will succeed.
First, know that all Real Estate markets everywhere are cyclical. No market goes up continuously. Buying during a long upswing and expecting the market to continue to rise forever is a naive assumption. Being prepared to bravely plunge into the market when others are fleeing is one way of getting a toehold. Putting less than 20% down is an option. Buying a property that's suitable for one or more roommates is also do-able. Buying something that needs a lot of elbow grease or cosmetic improvements is a great option to build equity. Or you buy something in a more affordable area and become a landlord, as I did.
My first house was a shithole, but as the realtor was walking me through it, I recognized the floorplan as the same as my best friend's parent's house, which gave me the shivers. Turns out the house belonged to the builder's ex-wife, and this was the first of a series of custom homes he had completed around town. She was terrible with money, had three loans and was in danger of losing it. Everyone else thought I was nuts, but I had seen the "after"; I knew I could handle the "before". I had waited to go home shopping until I had a whole year's gross salary in the bank. This was literally the first and only house I looked at before making an offer. Midway through escrow, because of a misunderstanding of the way my company's excellent expense reimbursement program worked, the lender demanded a larger down payment, leaving me with a cash budget of only $6k for renovations (thanks, Grandpa!). The house was a 1600 sf 3+2 on a 7800 sf lot. It needed horrible wallpaper removed, holes patched, exterior and interior paint, all kitchen & bath cabinetry and hardware refinished, landscaping, all new flooring, new door hardware, random electrical and A/C work plus I don't remember what else. I did it, and without going into CC debt. I was a Badass when Pete had no facial hair worthy of a razor blade and long before helpful internet places like this existed.
You have made good strides in the past few years, but I posit that you prossibly could have done more. Have you taken any Real Estate courses to learn more about the process of home buying and selling? Applied for a loan to learn how that process works and what you can actually qualify for? Do you know who the top agents are in the areas you wish to buy? Have you met with one or several of them? Every realtor is willing to tell you how they bought their first property. Have you learned how mortgages work? Title insurance? Homeowner's insurance? Taxes? Researched any first time home buyer's programs that you might qualify for? If HGTV is correct (lol) and homes in your region are sold via auction, have you haunted them until you're completely calm and comfortable in that heated environment ? That alone could save you a fortune.
I love RE and could go on forever, but I'd like to leave you with this: Mustachians would also be happy to tell the story of how they bought their first home, but neither of you asked that question. You both whinged about how difficult it was. I believe an alternate apvproach would yield more positive results and fewer Facepunches. Seriously, would you rather be coddled here or taught the skills necessary to reach your true goals?
With that, I will quietly tiptoe away so I can go check for new listings and view today's Open House schedule. May all your dreams become realities.