"Swedish death cleaning" and Life At Home in the 21st Century

[Moustachienne]

I don't think I've seen this posted elsewhere on the Forums.  Please let me know if so.

Swedish death cleaning articles are currently popping up in the media.  This was one of the most fun, especially the wide range of comments.  :) https://www.treehugger.com/cleaning-organizing/swedish-death-cleaning-new-decluttering-trend.html

Following the topic, I stumbled on a reference to the book/study "Life at Home in the 21st Century; 32 Families Open Their Doors".  I got this from my local library and highly recommend it.  http://www.ioa.ucla.edu/press/life-at-home

One of the main themes was Material Saturation: Mountains of Possessions.  OMFG, the mountains of toys and other stuff.   The observers found that people just keep accumulating stuff without discarding previous iterations of TVs, computers, whatever.

So many good quotations, e.g. "It is no exaggeration to say that this [early 21st century middle class American] is the most materially rich society in global history, with light-years more possessions per average family than any proceeding society." "Competitive consumption" is noted.

Although the observers can seem a little judgey, I was also struck by how relatively modest most of the homes studied were.  Often just one bathroom and quite small kitchens in mid-20th century housing stock.   Quite different from the houses shown on HGTV or other media which can make us think everyone lives in a clutter-free open concept dream.

Lots of motivation to re-up our mustachianism and commitment to identifying and living the optimum level of "enough" money, stuff, time, for a good life!

[Roe]

Father in law is currently practicing this. Unfortunately his take on it is to try to unload everything on us. Happily cackling that if we don't take it now we will have to take it once he keels over.

[LadyDividend]

This is amazing! First, that such a thing exists, because it is brilliant, and second, that it's becoming a trend.

I hardly want my own crap, never mind someone else's. I would give this book, The Gentle Art of Swedish Death Cleaning, to my mother but she might strike me down with her icy glare.

[Sailor Sam]

This is timely! I was just talking to my wife about how I wish someone would just come burn all my possessions about an hour after my death. To prevent anyone else from having to deal with my stuff. I've forwarded the article onto her.

[green daisy]

My mother-in-law is Swedish.  Sadly, I don’t think she’s heard of this.  Or maybe she just chooses to ignore it. 

[Sibley]

Father in law is currently practicing this. Unfortunately his take on it is to try to unload everything on us. Happily cackling that if we don't take it now we will have to take it once he keels over.

Doesn't mean you have to keep it...

[ZiziPB]

I have thought about it often and would love to die leaving almost no possessions behind, other than things that I use regularly.  I need to read this book :-)

[BAM]

We started working on major downsizing just over 2 years ago. We've now gotten rid of over 50% of our things even though we were always fairly minimalist in everything but books and kids. Made it possible for us to easily move into an under-1900 sq foot three bedroom house with 9 kids (7 home full time, 2 home on college holidays).

A friend and I are helping each other work our way through books - not an easy task as homeschoolers who use living books to teach almost every subject and have multiple ages/grades of kids. I'm always so thankful when we get rid of more though - such a feeling of freedom! I'll have to forward the articles to her too. I love the title of the method : ).

[Bicycle_B]

@BAM - What do you mean by "living books"?

[BAM]

Man, I'm messing up all my postings today.
Living books is homeschool speak for books that are written in narrative form by someone who knows his subject well (vs a committee). So, for example, we'd read a book like Elie Wiesel's Night when studying the Holocast rather than a textbook synopsis.

[MrsPete]

Man, I'm messing up all my postings today.
Living books is homeschool speak for books that are written in narrative form by someone who knows his subject well (vs a committee). So, for example, we'd read a book like Elie Wiesel's Night when studying the Holocast rather than a textbook synopsis.

Off-topic, but several thoughts on this "living book" concept -- biographies, probably, is what you're mostly describing: 

- I was fortunate enough to hear Elie Wiesel speak.  Though he was clearly weak from age and his accent was heavy, it was an amazing experience.  If you have a chance to hear any Holocaust survivor speak, make time for it.  I've attended several teacher conferences at which we had a chance to hear survivors speak, and -- to put it bluntly -- this is an opportunity that won't exist much longer.  At one conference, the survivor herself was too old and weak to actually speak much to the crowd, so her daughter told most of her story.  Such a thing is lost in translation, just as it's lost when you're watching it on TV. 

- I hope you're not using ONLY one author's book for such an important topic.  First, you probably know that many people consider Wiesel a fraud; I don't pretend to know the truth, but outside his memoir, suspicion exists.  Second, although he is widely recognized as the most famous survivor, his tale is only the story of one person -- other people's experiences were different, and he doesn't address everything important on this topic.   

- Do read more about Wiesel's life after the war.  It's a good way to end a difficult unit ... probably more important for children than for us.  It's good for them to see that he was reunited with his sisters and did go on to live his life.  Another good way to end this unit:  Reading materials from the Rescuers.  It allows children to understand that not everyone stood with the Nazis; rather, that some people risked everything to help -- one Rescuer was even mentioned in Night, though the family opted not to go with her, thinking they were just in a short-term bad situation. 

[Cpa Cat]

My grandfather did this. He died at age 99 and the "death cleaning" began in his 80s. He did not start until my grandmother died. At the time, he hadn't realized how much "stuff" they had - they lived in an apartment and were pretty spare people. But dealing with her things was still a big task.

So he decided to pare down his own in preparation for his death. He got really serious about it in his 90s.

He kept sentimental things. He asked if the kids wanted certain items and passed them on if so. And he just whittled it down. It was really interesting at the end to see what small items he had chosen to keep up until the very end.

He said one of his biggest struggles was to convince people to stop giving him stuff. I remember him saying, "I'm 95 years old. I don't need anything for my birthday!" Still people gave him gifts.  And for the most part, he kept donating those gifts to the thrift store. Other people had a much harder time with it than he did. They felt like he was depriving himself and kept trying to replace his stuff!

[Astatine]

I love the article in the OP. After watching my friend (an only child) inherit her father's estate (so much stuff!!! borderline hoarding) I often think the kindest thing parents can leave their children is... nothing. Maybe a few photos and mementos but that's all.

[BTDretire]

What, wait, you're supposed to get rid of your old computers?

[Dave1442397]

What, wait, you're supposed to get rid of your old computers?

Yes, unless it's one of these, in which case you just got much closer to FIRE - http://www.bbc.com/news/technology-37199000

[partgypsy]

My yia yia always lived this way, very minimally. To give you an idea of how frugal she was, when she first came to the US she worked at a sweatshop as a seamstress, and (depending on who tells the story) saved 20K or 40K. this was a lot of money in the early 60's. Her version of shopping, was to accompany us on our shopping mall trip, and then buy something like a couple towels. Which at the next shopping trip she would return "we have enough towels". She never wanted anything as gifts. So as kids the token gifts we would give her, like wrapped soap, or a small frame, would be displayed on her desk. At some point we realized she did like those sachets that you put between your clothes or hang in your closet, so we mostly got those for her from then on. When she was in her 70's or 80's she distributed her family pieces of of jewelry to her female grand children. She died, and I was visiting for the funeral. My Dad opened a linen closet, and there were folded, about half a dozen beautiful afghans she had crocheted. So as a parting gift the grandchildren each got to pick out a blanket to remember her by. She would only use cotton or wool yarn. When we were kids, she had also knitted each grandchild a blanket as well (I still have mine).

[BAM]

MrsPete,
No, I don't mean only biographies. For science, we would use something like The Mystery of the Periodic Table  and other books to teach Chemistry or Burgess Bird Book for Children and Phineas Gage to teach two parts of biology or How the Heather Looks to teach the geography of Britain.

Yes, we read many books on the topics covered. For WW2, we also read Hiding Place by Ten Boom, Silence Over Dunquerque and others for the battles (Landmark books are esp good), Hitler and Stalin by Albert Marrin, as well as books on rescuers (Denmark is particularly interesting), concentration camps, battles, biographies of different people, interment camps, etc. By the end, my children have a very well rounded view of the war. My eldest was so interested in it, that he went on to read Winston Churchill's 6 volume set on WW2.
I will look up Weisel's life after the war. That would probably be quite interesting. Thank you for suggesting it.

I did have a chance to hear a Holocaust survivor speak while I was in college. She traveled with an SS man and they spoke together. It was quite the experience.
There is a WW2 vet who fought on Iwo Jima in the town we live in. My eldest was able to go to his house and talk to him and see his mementos. I actually need to contact him again for my younger children.
Both of these were well worth the time.

[Imma]

I had never heard of this book before, but I think it's something many older people do. I know my grandma, who's well into her 80s, is slowly doing this as well. For more than a decade, she has asked people not to give her material things as gifts. Instead, we go somewhere together or we give her something perishable. She's from that generation who don't buy luxury foods for themselves, so she's very happy when someone gets her a small box of quality chocolate or marzipan.

It's convenient for me too, as I moved out around the time the decluttering started, and slowly but steadily a lot of her possessions have become mine. When I moved out she gave me a nice wool blanket as a present that I still use today. I hardly ever buy anything, if I need something, I'll ask her before I go to the thrift shop. Whether it's a kitchen tool or a button or a spool of sewing thread, she normally has it and she's happy to get rid of it.

[PetiteMouche]

BAM, we've just started using living books in our homeschool. My children's knowledge - and mine - is growing by leaps and bounds.

On the topic of death cleaning, I *wish* my mother would get the memo. If she predeceases my father, he's going to have a hell of a job getting rid of it all. To give you an idea of how bad it is, she often loses things like items of clothing or even money for years at a time - in her own house. Ugh.

[FireHiker]

I was astounded at some of the comments on that article! But then, I am definitely in line with the author, not the older relative who buys stuff they don't need as a hobby (see: my mom, who can't afford anything, but still buys stupid shit and saves it ALL anyway). I am definitely leaning towards a more minimalist lifestyle eventually, but we have SO.MUCH.STUFF, between combining two households, a couple quick moves (boxes that need to be dealt with still, 5 years later...I would toss them except there are a couple important things in there I need to find first), three kids, and my mom who is a borderline hoarder who has given me so much junk over the years. We've made a lot of progress, but damn there's a lot to go.

When my dad died almost 11 years ago, it was very easy to go through his possessions because he was definitely a minimalist (my parents were divorced many years prior). I am horrified at what that process will look like with my mother, and it has really made me look at my own life and belongings. I certainly don't want to burden my kids with all the stuff, so I'm working on it now. I wonder if my library has the book; if it does, I think I'll check it out.

[NeonPegasus]

We are moving in with my father in law next summer. We have been cleaning out his house of 40 years so there's room for the 5 of us to move in. So far, we have thrown away 3 truckloads of stuff at the landfill, multiple loads of things to Goodwill, 1 load of things to my brother for his high school drama program, 1 '33 Buick to the salvage yard and ......... one 21 yard dumpster filled to the brim.

We estimate we will need to fill two more 21 yard dumpsters before we're done.

FIL never had a truck and had plenty of storage in his house. He also didn't like to pay for trash service. Parents died? No problem, just put their shit in the 2nd story of the garage. Kids outgrew their toys? Store them in the crawlspace. Broken leaf blower or vacuum? Save them for parts. Tax returns from 20 years ago, old letters written to and from other relatives, business documents from the business he sold, etc, etc, etc.

What makes me saddest is that if he and my late MIL had gotten rid of things as soon as they were no longer used, they could have been donated to someone who would have like them before they molded, mildewed, fell far out of style and out of use. The mink stole and matching hat might have been sold.

This experience has been absolutely eye-opening for me. I want off the consumption train!

[pachnik]

We are moving in with my father in law next summer. We have been cleaning out his house of 40 years so there's room for the 5 of us to move in. So far, we have thrown away 3 truckloads of stuff at the landfill, multiple loads of things to Goodwill, 1 load of things to my brother for his high school drama program, 1 '33 Buick to the salvage yard and ......... one 21 yard dumpster filled to the brim.

We estimate we will need to fill two more 21 yard dumpsters before we're done.

FIL never had a truck and had plenty of storage in his house. He also didn't like to pay for trash service. Parents died? No problem, just put their shit in the 2nd story of the garage. Kids outgrew their toys? Store them in the crawlspace. Broken leaf blower or vacuum? Save them for parts. Tax returns from 20 years ago, old letters written to and from other relatives, business documents from the business he sold, etc, etc, etc.

What makes me saddest is that if he and my late MIL had gotten rid of things as soon as they were no longer used, they could have been donated to someone who would have like them before they molded, mildewed, fell far out of style and out of use. The mink stole and matching hat might have been sold.

This experience has been absolutely eye-opening for me. I want off the consumption train!

Wow!!!  All those loads going to the dump.  I agree with you that maybe if they got rid of stuff they no longer use someone else could have used it. 

Like the mink stole and hat.  So sad.  It reminds me of when my grandma emigrated to Canada from E. Europe.  Her dream was to own a fur coat and sure enough the dear old lady found one at a yard sale.  Just what she'd wanted - black shorn lamb IIRC.   She wore it proudly and stylishly for years.

[NeonPegasus]

We are moving in with my father in law next summer. We have been cleaning out his house of 40 years so there's room for the 5 of us to move in. So far, we have thrown away 3 truckloads of stuff at the landfill, multiple loads of things to Goodwill, 1 load of things to my brother for his high school drama program, 1 '33 Buick to the salvage yard and ......... one 21 yard dumpster filled to the brim.

We estimate we will need to fill two more 21 yard dumpsters before we're done.

FIL never had a truck and had plenty of storage in his house. He also didn't like to pay for trash service. Parents died? No problem, just put their shit in the 2nd story of the garage. Kids outgrew their toys? Store them in the crawlspace. Broken leaf blower or vacuum? Save them for parts. Tax returns from 20 years ago, old letters written to and from other relatives, business documents from the business he sold, etc, etc, etc.

What makes me saddest is that if he and my late MIL had gotten rid of things as soon as they were no longer used, they could have been donated to someone who would have like them before they molded, mildewed, fell far out of style and out of use. The mink stole and matching hat might have been sold.

This experience has been absolutely eye-opening for me. I want off the consumption train!

Wow!!!  All those loads going to the dump.  I agree with you that maybe if they got rid of stuff they no longer use someone else could have used it. 

Like the mink stole and hat.  So sad.  It reminds me of when my grandma emigrated to Canada from E. Europe.  Her dream was to own a fur coat and sure enough the dear old lady found one at a yard sale.  Just what she'd wanted - black shorn lamb IIRC.   She wore it proudly and stylishly for years.

At least the fur went to the drama club. That will come in very handy if they put on Sound of Music (the baroness) again.

And a sewing machine went to my daughters' school.

It's just that when you have so much that you have to do, you can't take the time to pick the best outcome for each thing. It's such a tremendous waste.

[saguaro]

At least the fur went to the drama club. That will come in very handy if they put on Sound of Music (the baroness) again.

And a sewing machine went to my daughters' school.

It's just that when you have so much that you have to do, you can't take the time to pick the best outcome for each thing. It's such a tremendous waste.

In cleaning out my parents' home, I have tried to find the best uses for some of the stuff.  For example:

1. Mom's knitting supplies and yarn went to a local charity knit group (4 trips to drop off site to date)
2. Her quilting supplies went to a similar quilting group.   
3. Some of her fabric stash went to a friend, though most of it got discarded, as a lot of it was not in style (polyester, anyone?)
4. Mom's massive collection of paper napkins went to my sister's church
5. 700 books went to a book reseller
6. Canned goods that were not expired (and a lot was) are going to my local food drive 
7. The giant containers of canola oil, avocado oil and BBQ sauce (parents were avid Costco shoppers) went to the cafeteria at work
8. Two boxes of household chemicals are going to my county household chemical waste center (2nd trip to date)

Glad to be able to get things to the right people for maximum use / proper disposal but it's a lot of work to do.   Even with doing this, a lot of stuff got tossed/Goodwilled and things are taking shape in my life workwise that I won't have this kind of time in the future so sadly, more will just get tossed or go to donation.   

[Bee21]

My grandfather did that, which made it easier for my mom. Not that he had many worldly posessions to start with.  My father's parents left a house filled with stuff. After clearing it out, my parents downsized their own posessions a bit, but it is still crazy. Every time i visit (once a year as they live overseas), i chuck a few things. They have 4 soup tureens and enough crystal glasses to open a pub. (They don't drink.). My father kept his university textbooks from the 70s. Etc. Multiple Coffee machines while they only use the stovetop one w the broken handle. Every half broken cup, while they have several unused china services. It is hell.

Every time i declutter i write to them about to motivate them.

I tend to think that a generous storage space is the devils work. Less space =less clutter to store.

Actually, i have to have another conversation with my husband about his university textbooks from the nineties.😁

[CheapskateWife]

My Grandfather was Swedish and I didn't realize that what he did had a cultural history...I just figured he was a super practical engineer and knew we wouldn't want his crap.  Starting in his 70's, he downsized incrementally, until in his mid-80's, he had moved into an apartment at my parent's property.  When he passed on, there was just a few boxes of photos and mementos...the valuables had already been gifted by his hands.

I hold him up as the example for how to do that right...hoping I am half as practical in my handling of my own mortality.

[mm1970]

Man, I'm messing up all my postings today.
Living books is homeschool speak for books that are written in narrative form by someone who knows his subject well (vs a committee). So, for example, we'd read a book like Elie Wiesel's Night when studying the Holocast rather than a textbook synopsis.

Off-topic, but several thoughts on this "living book" concept -- biographies, probably, is what you're mostly describing: 

- I was fortunate enough to hear Elie Wiesel speak.  Though he was clearly weak from age and his accent was heavy, it was an amazing experience.  If you have a chance to hear any Holocaust survivor speak, make time for it.  I've attended several teacher conferences at which we had a chance to hear survivors speak, and -- to put it bluntly -- this is an opportunity that won't exist much longer.  At one conference, the survivor herself was too old and weak to actually speak much to the crowd, so her daughter told most of her story.  Such a thing is lost in translation, just as it's lost when you're watching it on TV. 

- I hope you're not using ONLY one author's book for such an important topic.  First, you probably know that many people consider Wiesel a fraud; I don't pretend to know the truth, but outside his memoir, suspicion exists.  Second, although he is widely recognized as the most famous survivor, his tale is only the story of one person -- other people's experiences were different, and he doesn't address everything important on this topic.   

- Do read more about Wiesel's life after the war.  It's a good way to end a difficult unit ... probably more important for children than for us.  It's good for them to see that he was reunited with his sisters and did go on to live his life.  Another good way to end this unit:  Reading materials from the Rescuers.  It allows children to understand that not everyone stood with the Nazis; rather, that some people risked everything to help -- one Rescuer was even mentioned in Night, though the family opted not to go with her, thinking they were just in a short-term bad situation.

I'm currently reading The Zookeeper's Wife

[BAM]

Had to add a little humor to this whole decluttering thing:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HfYzlSNHapA

Haven't read The Zookeeper's Wife. Sounds great though.

[Greenback Reproduction Specialist]

This is a pretty cool idea.


I find I struggle with the issue of de-cluttering for three main reasons

1. Maintenance and upkeep on the house, cars, bikes, etc require tools and such.
2. Not always throwing away the old stuff when I get new stuff because it might be useful to reuse for some project.
3. The constant onslaught of holidays and birthdays....

[happy]

Wish my mother was Swedish :(

[Just Joe]

This is a pretty cool idea.


I find I struggle with the issue of de-cluttering for three main reasons

1. Maintenance and upkeep on the house, cars, bikes, etc require tools and such.
2. Not always throwing away the old stuff when I get new stuff because it might be useful to reuse for some project.
3. The constant onslaught of holidays and birthdays....

What you said. Later in life though i hope to be more maintenance free and I unless I am still active in my garage shop, I'll start gifting the tools to my kids or friends.

[RyanAtTanagra]

This is a pretty cool idea.


I find I struggle with the issue of de-cluttering for three main reasons

1. Maintenance and upkeep on the house, cars, bikes, etc require tools and such.
2. Not always throwing away the old stuff when I get new stuff because it might be useful to reuse for some project.
3. The constant onslaught of holidays and birthdays....

'Might' be useful 'someday' is my line in the sand.  If I find myself saying that, the object goes.  If I know of a specific purpose for a specific project that I'm planning on doing by a specific date, I'll keep it, but 'might' and 'someday' are way too vague.  Everything can fall under that category.  That's basically how hoarding happens.

[Moustachienne]

Sounds like  most of us are working on some form of this! :)

 I prefer to call it "life cleaning" with the goal of cherishing the few truly valuable/beautiful things I have and also creating room for new things in my life.  Not just material things. 

Amongst the sobering insights of "Life at Home" was the observation that people didn't discard old things but just keep adding and adding.  I can see that effect just on the condiment shelf of my fridge! DH and I are slowly going through cupboards, closets, file cabinets, basement, garage, etc.,  to winnow out the sediment and properly store the remaining essentials.  It does make us feel lighter and happier.