$25k for engagement ring

[Beric01]

http://www.jewelsbygrace.com/loose-diamonds/2-01-to-3-00/2-51ct-round-brilliant-bgd-blue-ags000-j-si1.html

Just an example. This one is a modern cut but usually the antique cuts are more competitive.

What's astounding is that though that's the price, if you owned such a gem, there is no way you could get that price for it. There's a cartel.

It's a chunk of carbon, and has no inherent value.

[RootofGood]

I think the biggest difference here is that if someone loves fishing, skiiing and all other things you can do on a boat, then it adds real value to their lives and they should get the boat.  If they want the boat mainly because they want to be cool for all their friends that expect them to get a nice boat, then they are being idiots.

I just can't see a situation where someone can honestly say that a $25,000 ring improves their life appreciably, other than due to an elevated standing among peers.  Definitely not a mustachian purchase, but to each his own, and if the OP wants to buy it he should as it is his money.  But I'd personally view this as a giant red warning sign flashing for the OP.   

+1 Boats are instrumentally valuable in getting you out on the water and around the outdoors.  You can spend hours or days at a time on a boat with your family and friends (or just yourself).  Depending on how big the boat, you can sleep in it and travel to other places in it.  It's transportation, entertainment, a source of food (enables fishing), social engagement, maybe a vacation in itself (sailing to the Bahamas, for example).  I don't own a boat because I don't think I would use it enough to justify the expense (up front and recurring over time).

Diamonds are tiny lumps of crystallized carbon that are shiny and most regard as pretty.  But they don't really do anything (ignoring industrial applications like using them to grind other materials) other than sit there and look pretty. 

[partgypsy]

Well, you've been given a lot of food for thought. Don't let other people tell you how you should feel. This is something that you and your girlfriend will need to work out.
Rarely do people have completely matching values (what and exactly how much should be paid for a particular thing). But there should be enough of an overlap that both of you feel comfortable with outcome. And she should be comfortable with fact that maybe a $25K ring doesn't align with your values? But there should be some common ground and these are all good things to discuss before marriage.

[Paradise]

This thread has drawn me out of near-lurkerdom - OP, may I make a slightly different suggestion from any I've yet seen?

You: "Honey, I love you and want you to be happy with your engagement ring and us to be happy in our marriage. Since you have an idea about what kind of ring you'd like, why don't we both start saving up now and shop for it together? We won't buy one on credit."

Then do it. Start a special "ring" bank account. Hang pix on the refrigerator of one(s) she likes for motivation. Make a thermometer chart if you want of how your savings is accumulating. Don't you dare neglect all the other saving you are doing for emergency funds, retirement, paying your bills in full and on-time, the actual upcoming wedding, etc. - you and she should understand that this ring saving effort is in ADDITION to all of that (not instead of).

Just maybe, she'll eventually realize that saving this much $ is harder than she thought and the magic ring fairy won't just be dropping one on her finger.
Maybe she'll tire of saving and find one she likes that actually comes in line with what you've saved up to that point.
Maybe she'll think you're a cheap-ass nut-job and tell you that her having to help with the cost takes away the magic and so long, Luther... 
Or maybe you'll actually save up for a pricey one that you both like and at least worked together to make it happen.
In any case, good luck!

[kib]

Buy her a ring-creation-monstrosity that's 1.5 pounds of gold and proudly announce, 'here honey, now that will hold its value AND impress the neighbors.  And hey, no Africans died, we just removed a mountainside."  Gah.

[stuckinmn]

 

Well, as a few of us have noted, having a nice diamond ring does bring us joy on a daily basis.  Mine is going on 30 years of daily joy with no sign of stopping.  We didn't pay $25K for it, but we did pay a fair amount and I don't regret it for an instance.  (On the other hand, I do regret my big fancy wedding that my parents paid for.) You may not see that.  I see a boat as a total maintenance PIA and a hole in the water in which one throws money.  We value different things.

[/quote]

I agree that people should spend things on what they value and at the end of the day that is essentially what everyone does.  Every spending decision above and beyond basic subsistence needs is a value decision between a few factors- mainly fun, comfort/convenience, status and freedom (not an exhaustive list, perhaps throw in a few others like family and charity/environment, too). 
 
I was merely pointing to the fact that the OP implied that his fiance wanted a big ring merely because that is what is expected of her peers.  If someone came on here asking whether they should buy a boat because it seems to be what all the friends are doing, I'd also tell them they are crazy. 

And I agree with you regarding boats, I'd never get one because I don't enjoy them enough to work another few years to have one.  But some people truly do, and good for them. 

[Rage]

Buy her a ring-creation-monstrosity that's 1.5 pounds of gold and proudly announce, 'here honey, now that will hold its value AND impress the neighbors.  And hey, no Africans died, we just removed a mountainside."  Gah.

This is a great idea!  At least gold mostly holds its value.

Just try asking at the jewelry shop - "if I came in with a 1.5ct diamond, how much would you give me for it?"  They'll be like, "well... we don't really..."  Ask at your local pawnshop too.  Ask that question about an equivalent amount of gold and you'll get a different answer.  Gold is worth money.  Gold is (relatively) fungible.  Diamonds are worthless forever.

[yddeyma]

Okay, I admit this thread was so long I did not read most of it.  I just had to chime in with:

1) I wanted a solitaire when we first got engaged.
2) 10 year anniversary is in April and I want to sell it back and get a puzzle ring and invest the difference!  That'd be way cooler....

Just sayin'....YMMV

[RootofGood]

Buy her a ring-creation-monstrosity that's 1.5 pounds of gold and proudly announce, 'here honey, now that will hold its value AND impress the neighbors.  And hey, no Africans died, we just removed a mountainside."  Gah.

This is a great idea!  At least gold mostly holds its value.

Just try asking at the jewelry shop - "if I came in with a 1.5ct diamond, how much would you give me for it?"  They'll be like, "well... we don't really..."  Ask at your local pawnshop too.  Ask that question about an equivalent amount of gold and you'll get a different answer.  Gold is worth money.  Gold is (relatively) fungible.  Diamonds are worthless forever.

Plus you could have that 1.5 lb of gold crafted into some golden brass knuckles.  A chick with 1.5 lb golden brass knuckles would be pretty bad ass.  And it'll still be worth whatever 1.5 lb of gold is worth in the future instead of a severely depreciated diamond. 

[Dicey]

I've scanned all the comments and don't see Costco mentioned. It's worth considering. I've told this tale elsewhere on this forum, but I don't see here, so skip this if you've read it before...

Before now-DH proposed, he asked if he should have a ring first or if we should pick one out together. I replied that most of my long-time married friends who had big rocks ended up not wearing them. I asked him to go to Costco and select a band with a few small diamonds and be done with it. Well, I'm here to tell you that I'm now sporting a two-carat sparkler and damn, I love it! It's not a solitaire, it's five square-cut stones, so it didn't cost a fortune. It makes me smile every day to think that this ring is what he wanted me to have.

If your income can support this purchase, and better still, if you can find a work around to reduce the cost, go for it! There really is something to that "Happy wife, happy life" saw.

Here's another story. A woman I worked with, who looked like Barbie (the bitch!), told her husband-to-be that she would like a ring that said "Fuck off, I'm married." He bought her the most beautiful ROCK and they are living happily ever after.

[ubermom4]

I went through a phase of wanting a fancy ring, so I sort of understand. If she wants something special (which I did), why not go to a reputable/fancy auction house? They will have lovely antique rings for much less. If you live in the bay area, you might try Bonham's. You will pay a buyer's premium of 15-20% on top of the actual auction price but they will not sell you complete junk at a ridiculous price. You look at the ring/try it on before the auction during the preview. You can also review the ring online before even going to the preview.  This experience might appeal to someone who wants something special and who might be willing to wait a little bit. She might pick out a lovely ring that is more in the $7500 range but has a big/fancy stone.  Hope this helps.

[ubermom4]

In my earlier post, I neglected to mention a story from DH's first marriage. She insisted on a big honker and wore it every where. One day she was riding the subway in Manhattan. To her surprise, a homeless man wandered up to the post where she was holding on. He was captivated by her ring and licked her finger.  Be careful what you wish for.

[chasesfish]

Pawn Shop if I had to buy something that large:  That being said, I've been happily married and my wife still has her diamond ring that cost around $600.

[brooklynmoney]

If I were forced to get a ring like this I would at least be smart enough not to pay retail. I would go to the Diamond District on a personal recommendation to a specific dealer and buy a loose stone. Although I have been obsessed with blood diamond my whole life and would never wear one because there's really no way to know if it's an ethically mined stone  or not.

[gimp]

So in summary, we found out two things we knew we were going to find out:

- Engagement rings are ridiculously politicized, and everyone has an opinion, and on this forum naturally it skews towards "what the fuck are you doing" which while probably correct, is not terribly useful to the OP, and
- Much more usefully, the OP found that he could get an "appropriate" ring for a third of the price he thought, which (regardless of 1/3 being worse than 0/3) is a pretty good day for the OP, yes?

So I suggest that literally everything useful on the topic has already been said, and now we're just circlejerking.

[iris lily]

If I were forced to get a ring like this I would at least be smart enough not to pay retail. I would go to the Diamond District on a personal recommendation to a specific dealer and buy a loose stone. Although I have been obsessed with blood diamond my whole life and would never wear one because there's really no way to know if it's an ethically mined stone  or not.

Brilliant Earth sells Canadian mined diamonds and has really pretty settings. Canadians don't kill anyone mining diamonds. They are honest and trustworthy.

[MrsCoolCat]

I wish there was a like button. I recently got married in August and my wedding was small and about $8,500 not incl about $5,500 for honeymoon and $3-5k for my ring from Blue Nile. All I can say is good luck sir.

That is a tough one. Have you talked about why it is important to her to have such an expensive ring?  What is the root of this want (keeping up with friends? Childhood fantasy? temporary wedding related insanity? a proof of love?)  Maybe getting to the root of why she wants it will help you come up with a workable solution :)

[Fallenour]

I'm gonna do you a solid mate.

Go to your local pawn shop, buy two wedding bands, male size, at least a size 7. The average female has a size 6 or smaller finger (they has smaller hands, easy science).

Take those two bands, and have one polished if its relatively new, have it melted with flux if its not. Your average generic local blacksmith guild or club in your area can do this for you (Yes they exist, yes its awesome, and yes, we make all kinds of really awesome shit.)

Next go to a local computer, and look up online for local jewelrysmithing schools in your region, as well as art schools.

A school with a arts program (pottery and mechanical engineer is your magic button).

Put up an add in the local craiglist region that your looking for a custom clay mold, and that you'll pay a few hundred for it.

This will make it rain upon you like no other things in this world. College students at arts programs are heavily talented, and exceptionally poor, both because of constant need of study materials, and because of college. most liberal arts schools are in fact, more expensive than most other schools.

After you do this, the overall end product will be a custom negative mold of your ring, minus gem of course.

The site that I gave you sells damn near every gem on the planet, including ones you havent heard of. I studied gemology for over 3 years, trust me, I know.

This will allow for you to get both the ring forged, and the gem. All you need after that is to pay a small gem install fee, which your local jeweler can do, for pretty little actually.

Tadaaah! You have officially become a 2nd rate Zales on small scale.

You have a custom finished ring for very little, far less than the store will charge you. Your ring is a unique ring, one of a kind more specifically, and you save 10s of thousands.

Now go put that money in the bank you tigah! Save dat 512k college plan, and make dem babies!!!

[chasesfish]

I will say I always thought I would get my wife a nice Diamond when we hit millionaire status.  Now that we're close, it just seems comical.

If I keep working for fun (which I'm leaning towards doing), I may surprise her one day with a nice solitaire from Costco.  I'd only do that once I'm long past FU money

[mak1277]

As long as you get a good clarity, color, etc you are fine.

I would like to caution the OP not to take this advice....do NOT expect your future fiance to be happy with a smaller ring that is of better quality.  If she's already making noise about size, do yourself a favor and get her a big ring that is lower quality.  I made the mistake of going high quality/smaller stone once...it's not worth the trouble.

[MrFancypants]

I will say I always thought I would get my wife a nice Diamond when we hit millionaire status.  Now that we're close, it just seems comical.

If I keep working for fun (which I'm leaning towards doing), I may surprise her one day with a nice solitaire from Costco.  I'd only do that once I'm long past FU money

My wife's ring came from Sam's Club, and she thinks it's the most magical ring ever.

[Bob W]

So in summary, we found out two things we knew we were going to find out:

- Engagement rings are ridiculously politicized, and everyone has an opinion, and on this forum naturally it skews towards "what the fuck are you doing" which while probably correct, is not terribly useful to the OP, and
- Much more usefully, the OP found that he could get an "appropriate" ring for a third of the price he thought, which (regardless of 1/3 being worse than 0/3) is a pretty good day for the OP, yes?

So I suggest that literally everything useful on the topic has already been said, and now we're just circlejerking.

+1 (although, I would say the word "politicized" doesn't exactly fit)


So go on you young man and get married!

Now tell us about your lassie --  Great personality?   Things in common?  Hot looking?

One other small thing I forgot to mention ---   In my opinion put off the wedding as long as possible.  So like at least 2 years from the proposal point.  Get hardcore with the savings in that time so you can start off with a boatload of money instead of a boatload of debt. 

Good luck!

[BooksAreNerdy]

No sense in arguing because that will just lead to her sad and me feeling bad.

You and your future wife should be able to discuss $25,000 expenditures without guilt/sadness.

In the end, the ring is just an item. It is just about the least important thing about your life together. As is every other $25,000 item. You're not talking about spending $25,000 on chemotherapy. You're talking about a bauble.

If you can't discuss whether or not to spend $25,000 on a piece of jewelry in a calm and rational way with your wife, then what can you discuss?

I assure you, in your life with your wife, there will be many disagreements and discussions to be had. Avoiding these discussions because of feelings of sadness and guilt is not the path to a healthy, successful marriage.

+1

[Grid]

Now go put that money in the bank you tigah! Save dat 512k college plan, and make dem babies!!!

I got a kick out of this. Lol.

[Fodder]

I'm a woman and I fully admit to being on the vain side, and not terribly mustachian about clothing and shoes.

But $25k is crazy to spend on a ring.  Please don't do it.  I don't understand why the size of a piece of carbon on someone else's finger has such an impact on your girlfriend.  I just don't.

My DH spent $5k on our ring (in 2005) and I thought that was crazy.  I'm still wearing it everyday, but I still feel like it was a crazy amount to spend on something so indulgent.  Even if you were willing to halve your budget (i.e., to 12k), you would still find amazingly beautiful rings available.  And I would argue that even for 1/5th of your budget, you would have something unquestionably beautiful.

It is just baffling to me that someone would set such a store on the status of a ring.  I have friends who have giant rocks (I haven't asked, but it must be over 2k).  I have friends who have much smaller rocks.  It doesn't impact our friendship in any way whatsoever.  It doesn't impact the relationships or the marriages (they are all good, regardless of rock size).

All this to say, I hope your GF can take a step back and see how ridiculous it is to allow deBeers and 'keeping up with the Joneses' to dictate this.

Maybe it's different because I'm in Canada, but having a giant ring just isn't a huge deal here.  Some people have big ones, some have small ones.  It just doesn't matter.

[AJDZee]

Now tell us about your lassie --  Great personality?   Things in common?  Hot looking?

Literally, it would have to be a 'yes' to all 3 to be worth $25k (plus interest as i'm assuming they're not going to buy this with cash)

[lifejoy]

I'm gonna do you a solid mate.

Go to your local pawn shop, buy two wedding bands, male size, at least a size 7. The average female has a size 6 or smaller finger (they has smaller hands, easy science).

Take those two bands, and have one polished if its relatively new, have it melted with flux if its not. Your average generic local blacksmith guild or club in your area can do this for you (Yes they exist, yes its awesome, and yes, we make all kinds of really awesome shit.)

Next go to a local computer, and look up online for local jewelrysmithing schools in your region, as well as art schools.

A school with a arts program (pottery and mechanical engineer is your magic button).

Put up an add in the local craiglist region that your looking for a custom clay mold, and that you'll pay a few hundred for it.

This will make it rain upon you like no other things in this world. College students at arts programs are heavily talented, and exceptionally poor, both because of constant need of study materials, and because of college. most liberal arts schools are in fact, more expensive than most other schools.

After you do this, the overall end product will be a custom negative mold of your ring, minus gem of course.

The site that I gave you sells damn near every gem on the planet, including ones you havent heard of. I studied gemology for over 3 years, trust me, I know.

This will allow for you to get both the ring forged, and the gem. All you need after that is to pay a small gem install fee, which your local jeweler can do, for pretty little actually.

Tadaaah! You have officially become a 2nd rate Zales on small scale.

You have a custom finished ring for very little, far less than the store will charge you. Your ring is a unique ring, one of a kind more specifically, and you save 10s of thousands.

Now go put that money in the bank you tigah! Save dat 512k college plan, and make dem babies!!!

Which site?

[lifejoy]

Hi, my name is LibraryJoy and I love diamonds. Hi, LibraryJoy. (I feel like I'm at an addicted to diamonds anonymous help group!)

I'm a good mustachian. I make my lunch every day and bring it to work. I walk to work. I watch movies at home instead of the movie theatre. I use the library. I do so many extremely MMM things, but whether it is marketing or just the natural beauty of shiny pretty things - I love me some diamonds! And considering that (some of) humankind has been obsessed with jewellery and adornment for centuries, I don't think it's ALL a huge marketing scam. I also think it could be very, very hard, to be the only woman with a mustachian-approved ring, when all your closest friends are rocking the big bling.

My engagement ring cost $175 with the understanding that when we could afford it, we'd get some bigger bling :D That could be ten years from now, but I'm a very patient woman and my friends' left forefingers are unadorned.

Practical advice:

- If you're dropping a big chunk of change, you're going to want to make sure it's the style she wants. Are you considering picking it out together? That might be a safer way to go. Otherwise make sure you know ring size and the style she likes.

- I strongly believe that most people would not know the difference between moissanite and diamond. Or white sapphire, and diamond. Cubic zirconia is not very durable and is not going to stand the test of time. Find out if your girlfriend is open to a $2000 moissanite ring, + a trip around the world ($23,000).

- If you're looking to buy a diamond and get a good deal, post on pricescope. Lots of knowledgeable people on there, and they love diamonds. They "get it".

- If you can buy vintage or second-hand, you'll save a bundle.

Good luck, OP! I hope she says yes, and I hope you find the perfect ring. Feel free to let us know if this will break the bank or not, because if you're rich, we should all stop being so huffy!

[citycat]

Check out the Rocky Talk forum on Pricescope. An excellent resource for getting the best jewelry (often custom made) at the best price. The posters are incredibly helpful.

[zinnie]

Dude, what kind of circles are you running in where a 25k ring is the minimum acceptable stone? Maybe it is time to evaluate the peer group instead of asking for ring advice.

I grew up with a family that had money and my peer group is mostly six figure earners, but I can't tell you the last time I thought about the size of my ring or wished it was bigger. It is a piece of jewelry that I like because I think it is beautiful and it has meaning to me.

I can't even imagine wearing a piece of jewelry that costs TWENTY-FIVE-THOUSAND-DOLLARS on a daily basis. Wouldn't you be afraid of getting mugged, like, all the time?

Also, I just want to reiterate that you're asking for advice on a 25k ring on Mr. Money Mustache...

[Goldielocks]

Whoah,

If you need to ask the price -- it's too much.

Manufactured diamond all the way for a 2carat.  Who is to say that your friends (some of them) did not go that route?

[Hijinks]

I can sort of understand the OP's lady's sentiment. I don't (think I) share the same desires, but I definitely run with people who do. My friends are good people and phenomenal friends. They're just not Mustachian. Two of my close friends just got married, and the bride has a two carat diamond. The groom wanted the bride to have that ring just as much as the bride wanted it herself. To them, it's certainly a symbol of their relationship (they've been together for 11 years), but I think it's clearly a status symbol as well. It really is very pretty, and the bride gets compliments on it often. The unfortunate thing is, the groom was telling me right before they got married that they have "negative money." He makes a very hefty salary, but he has tons of law school loans and then he dropped a ton of money on the ring and the wedding. In their situation, I think it's a complete no-brainer. Forego the giant rock and the fancy wedding and get your financial footing! But if you already have your finances in order, I could definitely see the temptation to get a big diamond. "It's symbolic, pretty, and will last forever!!!" I know it's not smart, and just about every fiber in my being cringes at the thought, but I do understand it on some level. I hope that if and when my time comes to tie the knot, I'll be able to resist that temptation.

The power of marketing and peer pressure really is incredible. I have a friend who told her teacher boyfriend that she needs "at least" two carats, and I've heard someone else say "3 carats is the new standard." The mind reels.

[pbkmaine]

Yes, but if you can't ignore peer pressure, mustachianism will never work. It's the road less traveled.

[DollarBill]

[missksaves]

I have a ring valued $10k. It is slightly under 1ct and the halo setting brings up the total ct wt to 2ct. I wasn't even aware my now DH was looking at rings with that value. I told him to get me a red ruby ring (thinking this would be cheaper and even sent him links encouraging garnet or other red gemstone rings from amazon). He said to me while he did the research that it was hard to find rubies that were "eye clean" so he went for a diamond. It was more important to him that I get this nice ring.

I have to admit, I do enjoy it alot and wear it all the time.

There should be at least some compromise though. You're in the more difficult position that person you are going to give the ring too has higher demands than you whereas for me, the positions were reversed.

I wish you luck working out a middle way and this can be an indicator on how you guys will work thru other problems that may arise later in your marriage.

[BPA]

How twisted is it that some people's idea of the great symbol of their relationship is something that is really morally reprehensible if you care one iota about already disadvantaged Africans?

But I guess if it's pretty...

[FarmerPete]

If I couldn't articulate to my planned bride how spending $25,000 on a ring was a bad idea, I would question how we would manage a lifetime of being together.  Oil and water just don't mix.  It's not her fault she's been brainwashed or is a moron, but if you marry her, it will be your fault.

[couponvan]

My DH was in law school when we got engaged.  I was NOT expecting a proposal when it came....he had debt and no paid employment.  He purchased a 1 CT at a retail store ON CREDIT - 25% interest.

Of course I didn't know that during the proposal-thought maybe it was his grandmothers or something because it was on a plain "proposal" band. Now the story we tell all our friends is how I bought my own ring because the first thing I did was pay off that insane credit line with my own savings...."Funny", they wouldn't let us return the ring because I tried with the idea we could get the same size for way less at Costco. I convinced DH that matching bands were the way to go for the wedding rings - no other diamonds.

For our 10 year he got me an anniversary band at a discounter (because too many people thought the one band looked like we were only engaged). He paid cash. 

Don't buy it if you can't afford it with CASH, and please don't get ripped off at the retail store.

Also, a diamond cut with a thin girth will look larger than a diamond with a thick girth....If she is going for "looks bigger" - although a better cut diamond will sparkle more.

[Marvel2017]

Diamonds have got to be one of the biggest scams financially. First off they are pretty much worthless pieces of compressed hi-temp carbon that are plentiful YET the supply is artificially controlled by a diamond cartel to give it false worth. Third world labor to "cut" the diamond pretty much. The resell market (buying used diamonds for nothing and putting them back into the market as "new"-who can tell? It's pretty ridiculous. I thought my wife (who is earthy, green, etc) was asking for too much for a $8K ring, sounds like I got off cheap. My ring cost $100 (cobalt), I ordered it online. 2 carats? I guess in America, where the Kardashians rule TV, everyone feels entitled to a large diamond ring to make themselves feel better. Dumb.

[dee96789]

Coming out of lurkdom just to respond to this thread.

I love diamonds... there is my antimustachian theme... that being said others on here love their cars... where will your car be in 50 years?  I think her diamond will still be there...

Best place to become educated in diamonds, cut (which rules), clarity, and color.

www.pricescope.com

Loads of info on online places to buy diamonds, where to get "vintage" diamonds (btw, OEC's rock), and on their show me the bling forum, lots of pretty pictures for inspiration.

After all, what is the point of mustachian... spend money on what is important to you, and if the diamond is the thing, be sure you get the best for the money you are going spend it on.

[kib]

Ya know, something important hasn't come up here.  OP:  What Is Your Financial Status?  Are you FIRE?  Are you well on the way with a nice hefty slave crew of worker dollars chugging along on your behalf?  Or are you already saddled with a student loan, a mortgage or even less savory, a car loan or credit card debt?  Is $25K actually a reasonable number for you to spend on something that's apparently very very important to your beloved, or is it a crazy making hole you'll have to dig yourself out of?  Looking over the post, in most of our opinions a $25K ding is worthy of a serious face punch, but just how bad is it?

[Chuck]

No way in hell. Nope. No. You need to stop this shit.

I paid $4,500 because my parents essentially demanded that I do it and offered to pay for half. I still, to this day, feel that it was a mistake to pay that much money for an item of almost no value.

And you are being pressured to spend TEN TIMES WHAT I DID. No. No nononoononononoononono!

[JuSp02]

I really think it is something a lot of girls have had in their head since a young age. The power of marketing, I guess. Reason goes out the window.

As a girl, I just wanted to point out that this is not at all true.  Sure, the media might make you think that, but it is not true in the real world. 

[RetiredAt63]

+1
I didn't care that much about the diamond, I did care about the actual rings, so we picked them together.  I knew I would rarely wear it (diamonds and labs do not go together well).
If I had known then what I know now, I would not have chosen the style we did.  To make the diamond look bigger (as if I cared) it was mounted high.  That meant it caught on everything - and this is Canada, I wear gloves even in the car.  So the ring sat in its case 364 days a year.  I could have worn it a bit more if it had been mounted flush.

I really think it is something a lot of girls have had in their head since a young age. The power of marketing, I guess. Reason goes out the window.

As a girl, I just wanted to point out that this is not at all true.  Sure, the media might make you think that, but it is not true in the real world.

[BPA]

There is no way an expensive car is mustachian.  There is no way that a $25k ring is mustachian.

I will never understand the "well, someone else here likes something considered wasteful, so it's totally okay by MMM standards to waste in this way too" logic.

Buy what you want.  Live the life that you want.  But don't be surprised if justifying ridiculously outrageous spending results in facepunches.

[Sarita]

I've been thinking about your question, and the replies, for a couple days now.  I'm a girl who is pretty mustachian.  That said, I support your decision to move ahead and buy her what she is asking for.  25k in light of a lifetime is not that much, and it's something she will wear everyday, something that is clearly important to her. You have noted that desire for fine things is not a pattern, and that she herself brings in a good salary.  So many people have a 'weak spot', something that doesn't really make sense but are nonetheless passionate about.  I hope you will ignore the naysayers on this thread, and are able to get to a place where you can look forward to buying the ring because you know it will really make her happy and you want her to be happy.
Best wishes for the years ahead.

[gnomemom]

I've been thinking about your question, and the replies, for a couple days now.  I'm a girl who is pretty mustachian.  That said, I support your decision to move ahead and buy her what she is asking for.  25k in light of a lifetime is not that much, and it's something she will wear everyday, something that is clearly important to her. You have noted that desire for fine things is not a pattern, and that she herself brings in a good salary.  So many people have a 'weak spot', something that doesn't really make sense but are nonetheless passionate about.  I hope you will ignore the naysayers on this thread, and are able to get to a place where you can look forward to buying the ring because you know it will really make her happy and you want her to be happy.
Best wishes for the years ahead.

This, Exactly.  Well said, Sarita. 

[kyanamerinas]

Whatever you spend, do it graciously. I love my husband but still feel a little sad that he was  so tight when we were ring shopping, complaining several times during the process. (looking at a few hundred dollars when we were about to buy a house with 40% down, good savings and earnings). I wasn't demanding and would have been happy with almost anything but the attitude upset me.

[surfhb]

I've been thinking about your question, and the replies, for a couple days now.  I'm a girl who is pretty mustachian.  That said, I support your decision to move ahead and buy her what she is asking for.  25k in light of a lifetime is not that much, and it's something she will wear everyday, something that is clearly important to her. You have noted that desire for fine things is not a pattern, and that she herself brings in a good salary.  So many people have a 'weak spot', something that doesn't really make sense but are nonetheless passionate about.  I hope you will ignore the naysayers on this thread, and are able to get to a place where you can look forward to buying the ring because you know it will really make her happy and you want her to be happy.
Best wishes for the years ahead.

Yes I agree......that's why I mentioned earlier that their income and income potential is the most important factor here.   HOWEVER!   This kind of purchase would be out of the question for most men.    Even if you make $100k salary and living in a high COL area like Los Angeles,  this kind of expectation from a woman would make me question her judgment and priorities.   

For me personally.....someone who makes around $80k and living in LA, I would question the relationship at the first mention of such a purchase.

Money, sex, honesty and mutual respect!    All 4 need to be in order for a marriage

[iris lily]

I'm surprised that you're judging her desires without fully understanding them. It's human to have irrational desires and unconscious needs; I never got the impression that this website was about full out asceticism.

Perhaps she has seen family or friends pity or snub others with small rings, perhaps she likes sparkly things, perhaps she had a formative experience that included a 2 carat ring, perhaps she's competitive. Perhaps she's insecure about your priorities and would like to know that you're willing to value her happiness over money gift of the magi-style.

She may not even be able to articulate why she wants this particular size ring, but I can assure you that your upcoming marriage will work better if you are willing to talk her through helping you understand why she has this desire. Once you understand it, you can better know how to fulfill it in a less expensive way. I always thought that this was the crux of mustachianism; to pursue the things that really make you happy by exploring cheaper alternate options and by cutting out the things that don't add value.

I don't see this as a decision for you to make on your own, I see this as a a decision that you and she should make together. I would like to point out that no two people will ever have all of the same values and priorities, this is an opportunity for you guys to understand how to work these things out in a mutually supportive way.

This is another smart post among many smart posts here.