Author Topic: Target FIRE: 2017  (Read 118126 times)

Daisy

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Re: Target FIRE: 2017
« Reply #1150 on: July 14, 2017, 10:49:44 PM »
I almost feel I'm in the opposite situation. My tolerance for BS at work has dropped a lot and, for better or worse, I've become more loose and started calling BS out when I see it and challenging all the terrible ideas and initiatives that are rife in our organization.

I'm not sure if I'll make the last two weeks or not. We have a cultural training course next week for 4 hours where we will define our organizations culture. This is their great new initiative after cutting 90% of the workforce. Anyway this may very well push me over the edge. Let's see how it goes :)

Oh my BS bucket is overflowing and I am stepping on the spillovers.

I do bring out the comments on the BS stuff, but try to be constructive and somewhat nice about it. I don't think I was born with the mean gene. I hope this doesn't get me out of a severance package.

Once I fight back on the humiliating demotion, I worry they will just scurry back into their little holes and pretend the whole thing never happened. There is huge attrition and I don't think they want me to go. Oh the despair I face...I hope they make this easy.

markbike528CBX

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Re: Target FIRE: 2017
« Reply #1151 on: July 15, 2017, 01:02:01 AM »
....
I'm not sure if I'll make the last two weeks or not. We have a cultural training course next week for 4 hours where we will define our organizations culture. This is their great new initiative after cutting 90% of the workforce. Anyway this may very well push me over the edge. Let's see how it goes
reminds me of a phrase in https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p4Murq5x_pw where Hitler complains about having to take an ethics course.

Cookie78

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Re: Target FIRE: 2017
« Reply #1152 on: July 15, 2017, 03:44:04 PM »
I have an odd question for you, Class of 2017. Is it normal to feel sad just before FIRE? The last week or so I've felt this incredible incapacitating sadness that I can't shake, and for the life of me I can't figure out any reason for it. A little recent stress over house repairs, but nothing major; a little stress over the fact that I can't sell my houses for another year after FIRE; a little loneliness possibly, but that's probably a symptom not a cause, and a lot of impatience to be done with working.

If it was just a little sadness I could ignore it, but this is getting obnoxious and frustrating. The only thing I can think of is that life is about to change in 19 more days and maybe there's some stress there that I haven't noticed yet. Has anyone else had this experience?


*I CAN sell them, but due to both market conditions and mortgage requirements it's (probably) way better to wait another year

Freedom17

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Re: Target FIRE: 2017
« Reply #1153 on: July 15, 2017, 05:23:33 PM »
Personally I feel excited to be retiring but I'm moving overseas so that's fueling the excitement. I can relate to the type of depression you describe. It usually happens to me when I finish a major project. It's probably normal but you know talking to a counselor to see if there's something deeper there is probably not a bad idea.

I know that personally I still have a fair bit of disappointment with the reality of what a career in a major corporation looked like that I'll need to work through at some point. Talking about these things and integrating our experiences in a healthy way is good for all of us, especially those of us who are retiring early because we have more time to be with ourselves and less distractions, so making sure we are at peace with ourselves is important.



SachaFiscal

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Re: Target FIRE: 2017
« Reply #1154 on: July 15, 2017, 06:42:18 PM »
I'm one week into my two week notice (one week left to go).  Cookie, I do feel sad at times.  I broke down crying in my office the other day.  It's like I'm saying goodbye to a part of my life that I just can't continue anymore.  There are people who I'm upsetting by leaving and I'm afraid I'll leave without resolving the issues or getting closure. I've spent so many years of my life at this company. I'm definitely emotional about leaving but at the same time looking forward to starting my new life. The thought of continuing there makes me sick to my stomach but at the same time I walk the campus these days with a feeling of nostalgia. I'm so stressed out that I've been losing my hair more than normal. It's definitely a huge life change and the stress of it is showing. As much as those people drove me crazy, I also care about many of them.  You can't help but care when working with people for so many hours of your life.  I also feel a bit guilty for leaving since many people will have to work a bit harder to take over some of the responsibilities that I normally would.

At the same time, I'm counting down the hours and can't wait until next Friday when I'll sail out of there.  My husband has made me a quitting playlist that I'll be listening to which includes classics like the theme to 9 to 5 and "take this job and shove it".  I'm so looking forward to the possibilities of my future.  I feel like my future is undetermined again and I love it.  I love the fact that every day might be different than the previous day.  I feel like I'm about to embark on a great adventure.

MandyM

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Re: Target FIRE: 2017
« Reply #1155 on: July 16, 2017, 08:42:53 AM »
I definitely feel a sadness about leaving. Even though I've planned to quit for so long, I really wish I could like my job enough to stay awhile. The word I've been using is defeated. This is the best job I've ever had and try as I might, I just don't want to do it. I think (hope) that once I get past my last day, I will feel better - this purgatory that I'm in between resigning and leaving is weird.
"Freedom lies in being bold." -Robert Frost

Cache Stash

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Re: Target FIRE: 2017
« Reply #1156 on: July 16, 2017, 08:56:54 AM »
I'm one week into my two week notice (one week left to go).  Cookie, I do feel sad at times.  I broke down crying in my office the other day.  It's like I'm saying goodbye to a part of my life that I just can't continue anymore.  There are people who I'm upsetting by leaving and I'm afraid I'll leave without resolving the issues or getting closure. I've spent so many years of my life at this company. I'm definitely emotional about leaving but at the same time looking forward to starting my new life. The thought of continuing there makes me sick to my stomach but at the same time I walk the campus these days with a feeling of nostalgia. I'm so stressed out that I've been losing my hair more than normal. It's definitely a huge life change and the stress of it is showing. As much as those people drove me crazy, I also care about many of them.  You can't help but care when working with people for so many hours of your life.  I also feel a bit guilty for leaving since many people will have to work a bit harder to take over some of the responsibilities that I normally would.

At the same time, I'm counting down the hours and can't wait until next Friday when I'll sail out of there.  My husband has made me a quitting playlist that I'll be listening to which includes classics like the theme to 9 to 5 and "take this job and shove it".  I'm so looking forward to the possibilities of my future.  I feel like my future is undetermined again and I love it.  I love the fact that every day might be different than the previous day.  I feel like I'm about to embark on a great adventure.


Add "I'm free" by The Who.  That was the song playing as I drove off the Navy base for the last time. :)



Cookie78

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Re: Target FIRE: 2017
« Reply #1157 on: July 16, 2017, 12:54:32 PM »
Thanks for the responses, I feel a little less 'broken' now, for lack of a better word.

I noticed that I also have a persistent headache that I think is also stress related. I guess change is harder for me than I realized. I'm definitely also excited. I'm counting the days left even on the weekends now -18!

Luckily one feeling I don't have to deal with is guilt. I work with 3 lovely ladies (among others), 1 of whom had to go back to her old position recently after a temp position ended, and the other 2 are both at risk of going back to their old positions by the fall. There is only one position available now, but by me leaving one additional opens up. So 2 of my friends can stay instead of just 1. All of them are near desperate to not have to go back to (or stay in) their old positions.

I think also I haven't been going out with my friends near enough. Between low energy, curbing spending, and trying to get everything ready for FIRE phase 1, I have been a little bit hermity. A good snuggle kissing friend came over yesterday evening because I told him I was having a rough week. We had a good chat, snuggle, flirt, and went to see a movie and I feel much better. Going to his place today to build/sell/trade some costumes for burning man with a bunch of people, then to a different friends for Game of Thrones and hot tub. Even though I didn't get very far on fixing my canoe this weekend I think it's better to go be with people!

ALSO it may work out that this friend can stay in my house while I'm away most of the next year and also deal with any issues that come up with the other house! Big stress off my shoulders. Hopefully it works out.

Here's to getting through the rough purgatory period. I'm curious how much the stress drops post-FIRE!

SwordGuy

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Re: Target FIRE: 2017
« Reply #1158 on: July 16, 2017, 01:50:50 PM »
I only feel sad that we're not already FIREd.   And since that's our own fault, we have no one but ourselves to blame, which makes it even sadder.

:)

Exflyboy

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Re: Target FIRE: 2017
« Reply #1159 on: July 16, 2017, 02:43:53 PM »
Mrs Exflyboy retired in June this year.

homestead neohio

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Re: Target FIRE: 2017
« Reply #1160 on: July 17, 2017, 08:00:14 AM »
[snip] 
My husband has made me a quitting playlist that I'll be listening to which includes classics like the theme to 9 to 5 and "take this job and shove it".  I'm so looking forward to the possibilities of my future.  I feel like my future is undetermined again and I love it.  I love the fact that every day might be different than the previous day.  I feel like I'm about to embark on a great adventure.

Add "I'm free" by The Who.  That was the song playing as I drove off the Navy base for the last time. :)

The song I'll play (on repeat) after turning in my badge will be "Free" by Phish.  It is going to be an epic commute home and no one I pass on the way home will have any idea. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y5HNCw3VLB0

I'm looking forward to the sadness and nostalgia and feeling all the feels of this life milestone.  It just means were complicated humans who are alive.  Right now I'm treasuring the security of the paycheck while it lasts and the richness of the anticipation I'm feeling.

Congrats to Mrs Exflyboy.

MandyM

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Re: Target FIRE: 2017
« Reply #1161 on: July 17, 2017, 08:14:55 AM »
I'm looking forward to the sadness and nostalgia and feeling all the feels of this life milestone.  It just means were complicated humans who are alive.  Right now I'm treasuring the security of the paycheck while it lasts and the richness of the anticipation I'm feeling.

Thanks homestead, this is a great thing to keep in mind. I am actually at the very beginning of a (possible) relationship that has had a fairly slow build of friendship to more over the last few months (met him a year ago). A decade or so ago I would be in agony over the anticipation and would have probably forced it forward already. But I am really enjoying the angst and butterflies and sort of relish all of the in between moments of anticipation. FIRE seems a bit more like a break up with work, so I haven't really appreciated it in the same way - but I really should. This has been a slow build of 10+ years and its actually happening.
"Freedom lies in being bold." -Robert Frost

Cookie78

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Re: Target FIRE: 2017
« Reply #1162 on: July 17, 2017, 08:39:37 AM »
I'm looking forward to the sadness and nostalgia and feeling all the feels of this life milestone.  It just means were complicated humans who are alive.  Right now I'm treasuring the security of the paycheck while it lasts and the richness of the anticipation I'm feeling.

Thanks homestead, this is a great thing to keep in mind. I am actually at the very beginning of a (possible) relationship that has had a fairly slow build of friendship to more over the last few months (met him a year ago). A decade or so ago I would be in agony over the anticipation and would have probably forced it forward already. But I am really enjoying the angst and butterflies and sort of relish all of the in between moments of anticipation. FIRE seems a bit more like a break up with work, so I haven't really appreciated it in the same way - but I really should. This has been a slow build of 10+ years and its actually happening.

Agreed, this is a great way to look at all types of emotions and experiences. :)

markbike528CBX

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Re: Target FIRE: 2017
« Reply #1163 on: July 17, 2017, 11:12:58 AM »
.. snip... FIRE seems a bit more like a break up with work, so I haven't really appreciated it in the same way - but I really should. This has been a slow build of 10+ years and its actually happening.

I have to remember that work has been a nice "significant other" relationship that we both have to move on from. 

edit for spelling.

« Last Edit: July 17, 2017, 02:51:45 PM by markbike528CBX »

dividendman

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Re: Target FIRE: 2017
« Reply #1164 on: July 17, 2017, 12:16:31 PM »
.. snip... FIRE seems a bit more like a break up with work, so I haven't really appreciated it in the same way - but I really should. This has been a slow build of 10+ years and its actually happening.

I have to remember that work has been a nice "significant other" relationship that we both have to move on fom.

My work is more like a semi-abusive taker "significant other" that I've become dependent upon due to money. I'm happy to get out of that relationship. Woo.... 5 more weeks.

Cache Stash

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Re: Target FIRE: 2017
« Reply #1165 on: July 17, 2017, 01:31:48 PM »
I'm looking forward to the sadness and nostalgia and feeling all the feels of this life milestone.  It just means were complicated humans who are alive.  Right now I'm treasuring the security of the paycheck while it lasts and the richness of the anticipation I'm feeling.

Thanks homestead, this is a great thing to keep in mind. I am actually at the very beginning of a (possible) relationship that has had a fairly slow build of friendship to more over the last few months (met him a year ago). A decade or so ago I would be in agony over the anticipation and would have probably forced it forward already. But I am really enjoying the angst and butterflies and sort of relish all of the in between moments of anticipation. FIRE seems a bit more like a break up with work, so I haven't really appreciated it in the same way - but I really should. This has been a slow build of 10+ years and its actually happening.

Agreed, this is a great way to look at all types of emotions and experiences. :)

I like the "richness of the anticipation" part.  That describes it perfectly for me.  Although, at times I become giddy and happy-go-lucky.



JoJo

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Re: Target FIRE: 2017
« Reply #1166 on: July 17, 2017, 01:33:39 PM »
looking more likely 2017 is back on.  can't say too much right now.

Exflyboy

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Re: Target FIRE: 2017
« Reply #1167 on: July 17, 2017, 01:39:40 PM »
looking more likely 2017 is back on.  can't say too much right now.

Congratulations.. Assuming its a good thing..:)

Daisy

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Re: Target FIRE: 2017
« Reply #1168 on: July 17, 2017, 08:53:11 PM »
.. snip... FIRE seems a bit more like a break up with work, so I haven't really appreciated it in the same way - but I really should. This has been a slow build of 10+ years and its actually happening.

I have to remember that work has been a nice "significant other" relationship that we both have to move on fom.

My work is more like a semi-abusive taker "significant other" that I've become dependent upon due to money. I'm happy to get out of that relationship. Woo.... 5 more weeks.

I like this train of thought.

My work is more like...it's been 20+ years. It was great at the start, we had some great times in the past, but both you and I have changed and I'm just not that into you any more.

Pennycounter

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Re: Target FIRE: 2017
« Reply #1169 on: July 17, 2017, 09:45:08 PM »
I'm def not class of 2017 but loving this thread! Congrats to all you folks taking the plunge this year.

MandyM

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Re: Target FIRE: 2017
« Reply #1170 on: July 18, 2017, 05:59:18 AM »
.. snip... FIRE seems a bit more like a break up with work, so I haven't really appreciated it in the same way - but I really should. This has been a slow build of 10+ years and its actually happening.

I have to remember that work has been a nice "significant other" relationship that we both have to move on fom.

My work is more like a semi-abusive taker "significant other" that I've become dependent upon due to money. I'm happy to get out of that relationship. Woo.... 5 more weeks.

I like this train of thought.

My work is more like...it's been 20+ years. It was great at the start, we had some great times in the past, but both you and I have changed and I'm just not that into you any more.
When I resigned I did actually use the phrase "its not you, its me."
"Freedom lies in being bold." -Robert Frost

SachaFiscal

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Re: Target FIRE: 2017
« Reply #1171 on: July 18, 2017, 07:01:06 AM »
I'm starting to think I have had corporate stockholm syndrome: https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-modern-time-crunch/201403/corporate-stockholm-syndrome

"The company culture in which Corporate Stockholm Syndrome thrives will have certain traits. It will often tolerate—in fact implicitly encourage—employees to verbally abuse each other when someone isn’t seen as working hard enough or not being a “team player”. The inculcation of the “company culture” is viewed as significantly important by the management. This is aimed at cultivating loyalty to the company while it has no similar loyalty to the emotional wellbeing of the employees."

This kind of thing is rampant at my company on various programs.  There was always at least one person who offered this type of verbal abuse. I tried to focus on the others who were nice people but those 1 or more people always seemed to tarnish my work experience.

I'm finally breaking free...

zephyr911

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Re: Target FIRE: 2017
« Reply #1172 on: July 18, 2017, 08:44:12 AM »
I'm starting to think I have had corporate stockholm syndrome: https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-modern-time-crunch/201403/corporate-stockholm-syndrome

"The company culture in which Corporate Stockholm Syndrome thrives will have certain traits. It will often tolerate—in fact implicitly encourage—employees to verbally abuse each other when someone isn’t seen as working hard enough or not being a “team player”. The inculcation of the “company culture” is viewed as significantly important by the management. This is aimed at cultivating loyalty to the company while it has no similar loyalty to the emotional wellbeing of the employees."

This kind of thing is rampant at my company on various programs.  There was always at least one person who offered this type of verbal abuse. I tried to focus on the others who were nice people but those 1 or more people always seemed to tarnish my work experience.

I'm finally breaking free...

I'm starting to think I have something like this, but with a different flavor. Our culture doesn't encourage abuse - in fact, it's rather bland and boring, and we tend to feel that people here are too afraid of offending anyone, even for the sake of correcting serious fuckups - but I do think that half the reason my team and I are so tight, and enjoy each other's company so much, are all the collective coping mechanisms we've developed against the stupid shit our "leadership" dumps on us.

I mean, I'd probably still like these people if we didn't have to help protect each other against all this bullshit, but since the feelings for the team are one of the last things that will be hard to let go of, it helps to put them in that context.

IOW, I'm sort of attached to this umbrella that I've had for 7 years, but I have to internalize the fact that I won't miss it when I step out from under the faucet.
I am not a cog. I am an organizational lubricant.