Author Topic: Get Your Shit Together! Wills, living wills, POAs, life insurance, etc.  (Read 43937 times)

tygertygertyger

  • Bristles
  • ***
  • Posts: 441
Re: Get Your Shit Together! Wills, living wills, POAs, life insurance, etc.
« Reply #200 on: October 21, 2021, 08:09:49 AM »
This is a great thread. My partner and I have been together for ten years, and I've been bugging him just to add beneficiaries to his investment accounts for like 4 years. Now that we just bought a house, I REALLY want us to get our shit together.

-ADD beneficiaries to investment accounts! (mostly him, but I'd better double check mine)
-Wills
-POAs
-maybe term life insurance policies... we don't have kids, but maybe enough to cover the house if something happens to one of us. Will think on this.

Britan

  • Bristles
  • ***
  • Posts: 429
Re: Get Your Shit Together! Wills, living wills, POAs, life insurance, etc.
« Reply #201 on: October 21, 2021, 09:40:17 AM »
Ok so my official list:
1. Get life insurance for the both of us
1.a Get quotes
1.b Decide which to go with
1.c Do all the paperwork and exams, etc.
1.d Have life insurance

2. Get wills written and officialized
2.a Talk to parents about designation as guardians and executors
2.b Talk to siblings about being backup-to-the-backup guardians and executors
2.c Ask local lawyer about cost to draft a will
2.d Decide whether to do it on legal zoom or via a lawyer
2.e Draft will
2.f ??? Is a trust necessary if kids are minors? I trust parents w money but might want some kind of safe guard if siblings are guardians instead
2.g Will is official and done

3. (Optional) Living will, POA, and desires for burial etc.
This isn’t strictly necessary, though I know we both have some thoughts in this area. DH more strongly than I. So it wouldn’t be a bad idea to get them in writing, though we’ve had discussions about them before.

4. Double check beneficiaries on all accounts. Pretty sure this is done though.

Britan

  • Bristles
  • ***
  • Posts: 429
Re: Get Your Shit Together! Wills, living wills, POAs, life insurance, etc.
« Reply #202 on: October 22, 2021, 09:56:22 AM »
Is it typical to give your SSN and bank account information as part of the application for life insurance? I’m nearly 100% sure the broker is legit, since I went directly through the insurance company to get to them, however my spidey senses are ALWAYS on high alert with requests for this kind of thing, for obvious reasons.

Apples

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1196
Re: Get Your Shit Together! Wills, living wills, POAs, life insurance, etc.
« Reply #203 on: October 23, 2021, 11:32:14 AM »
SSN is definitely normal in the life insurance application process.  I can't remember if the bank account info was or not.  When we got 20 year term life insurance of $500k each (when buying a farm, so if one of us dies - the other has cash to cover expenses while figuring out who will buy it from them), we used one of those websites that you put your info in and they shopped around for policies.  We ended up with different companies which seems fine - like Jessa said just send the payment two places each year and the policies are stored together so if we both die at the same time my parents can just call those places.

chasingthegoodlife

  • Bristles
  • ***
  • Posts: 337
Re: Get Your Shit Together! Wills, living wills, POAs, life insurance, etc.
« Reply #204 on: October 23, 2021, 02:23:11 PM »
This thread bump is timely for me too.

We sorted everything out last year during COVID (wills, POA, advanced care plan) but now we’re having a baby so will need to update everything soon.

I’ve just ordered a library book on inheritances and family legacies - I want to think a bit more about the best way to do this.

We will be spending lots of time with family over Christmas so that will be a good opportunity to have some chats with the family members we’d like to be guardians too.

marion10

  • Bristles
  • ***
  • Posts: 377
Re: Get Your Shit Together! Wills, living wills, POAs, life insurance, etc.
« Reply #205 on: October 23, 2021, 08:12:45 PM »
I have not seen this mentioned, but having helped several friends- get official copies of vital records. If you are married, you will need a copy of your marriage certificate to get any spousal benefits. I would get copies of your birth certificate, spouse birth, children’s birth and marriage certificates ( and divorce papers or death certificates of former spouses). If your parents are deceased, copies of their death certificates as well.


Britan

  • Bristles
  • ***
  • Posts: 429
Re: Get Your Shit Together! Wills, living wills, POAs, life insurance, etc.
« Reply #206 on: October 24, 2021, 04:03:52 AM »
I have not seen this mentioned, but having helped several friends- get official copies of vital records. If you are married, you will need a copy of your marriage certificate to get any spousal benefits. I would get copies of your birth certificate, spouse birth, children’s birth and marriage certificates ( and divorce papers or death certificates of former spouses). If your parents are deceased, copies of their death certificates as well.
My birth certificate is one I’ll have to figure out, though I have all the rest. Though, are you recommending two copies of each? My mother kept my birth certificate “so I wouldn’t lose it”, and now we don’t speak so as far as I’m concerned I’ve lost it.

Dee18

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 2000
Re: Get Your Shit Together! Wills, living wills, POAs, life insurance, etc.
« Reply #207 on: October 24, 2021, 06:40:56 AM »
You can order an official copy of your birth certificate.  Probably worth doing.

chasingthegoodlife

  • Bristles
  • ***
  • Posts: 337
Re: Get Your Shit Together! Wills, living wills, POAs, life insurance, etc.
« Reply #208 on: October 24, 2021, 02:18:40 PM »
Great advice @marion10

Ordering new copies of birth and marriage certificates has been a simple process in my state ... until the staff in that dept were redeployed during Covid  and suddenly there were huge waits, no replies to enquires and no office you could attend to find out what the hell was going on.

Worth having on hand just in case.

marion10

  • Bristles
  • ***
  • Posts: 377
Re: Get Your Shit Together! Wills, living wills, POAs, life insurance, etc.
« Reply #209 on: October 24, 2021, 05:55:27 PM »
It’s usually cheaper to buy multiple copies. In Cook County,Illinois  a birth certificate is something like $15, but an extra copy is $3. Avoid Vitalchek if you can- they have outrageous fees and most states have a cheaper option directly from the state or county.

CrustyBadger

  • Pencil Stache
  • ****
  • Posts: 990
Re: Get Your Shit Together! Wills, living wills, POAs, life insurance, etc.
« Reply #210 on: October 24, 2021, 07:13:19 PM »
Just saw this thread and posting to follow!

My husband and I did all these things about 15 years ago after the birth of our first child, but our wills never even mention the second child and our situation has changed considerably.

We have a lot of complicated things to work out (husband is severely disabled and on disability retirement/SSDI) but we also have some less complicated things I should be able to work on realatively quickly.

Posting to update --- it took us um.... 3 years and 8 months, but we finally FINALLY have finished all the things!   (Almost.)   I found a lawyer who specializes in elder and disability law and she walked us through a lot of different scenarios.  Since it took us so long to get around to finalizing things, our kids are now over 18 or close to it, which makes the whole guardian question a lot easier.   

The hard part was realizing that my husband is no longer in a position to be my Power of Attorney or Health Care POA.  God forbid anything should happen to me, his  world will be all about figuring out how to care for himself (I am his primary caregiver).  Although he is mentally competent he can no longer speak and even texting and typing is very hard, and he is homebound.  I really needed to find other people for those roles for me; even asking just one person besides your spouse is hard, and the lawyer wanted me to have TWO or ideally three.  Our son is a bit too young yet for this responsibility, so I had to reach out to friends.  Anyhow I did, and I feel good that our affairs are as organized as they can be if anything happens to me.

One good discussion we had in the process was with our kids.  We aren't religious and the kids have never been to a funeral before.  I spoke with them about what we'd want in terms of burial and it turns out all four of us prefer the idea of cremation to burial in a cemetery.  I joked that I'd want my kids to take my ashes and spread a little bit on each continent. 

I'm hoping all the forms will be ready to be signed within the next month, and then hopefully I can not worry about this any longer.

Britan

  • Bristles
  • ***
  • Posts: 429
Re: Get Your Shit Together! Wills, living wills, POAs, life insurance, etc.
« Reply #211 on: October 25, 2021, 09:11:12 AM »
Ok so my official list:
1. Get life insurance for the both of us
1.a Get quotes
1.b Decide which to go with
1.c Do all the paperwork and exams, etc.
1.d Have life insurance

2. Get wills written and officialized
2.a Talk to parents about designation as guardians and executors
2.b Talk to siblings about being backup-to-the-backup guardians and executors
New step: talk to friend about being short term pet guardian and finder of new homes
New step: pick local temp guardians and talk to them
New step: Just make basic free will DIY to have one
2.c Ask local lawyer about cost to draft a will and set up trust
2.d Decide whether to do it on legal zoom or via a lawyer
2.e Draft will
2.f ???
2.g Will is official and done

3. (Optional) Living will, POA, and desires for burial etc.
This isn’t strictly necessary, though I know we both have some thoughts in this area. DH more strongly than I. So it wouldn’t be a bad idea to get them in writing, though we’ve had discussions about them before.

4. Double check beneficiaries on all accounts. Pretty sure this is done though.
Got a few things done today. Things are moving, this is good.
« Last Edit: October 25, 2021, 06:01:30 PM by Britan »

Sailor Sam

  • Walrus Stache
  • *******
  • Posts: 5366
  • Age: 41
  • Location: Steel Beach
  • Semper...something
Re: Get Your Shit Together! Wills, living wills, POAs, life insurance, etc.
« Reply #212 on: December 23, 2021, 06:51:50 PM »
UPDATE. Flew my ass across this entire large country in order to visit the lawyer, and execute all my new documents. How’s that for dedication?
  • Find lawyer to do Will, and Powers of Attorney
  • Meet with lawyer
  • Do what lawyer says to establish trust for minor children & guardianship for Tiny Dog
  • Sign Will & POA
  • Update SGLI beneficiary to Tiny Dog guardian
  • Update USAA Pay on Death to Executor
  • Update Vanguard, SGLI, Betterment, TSP beneficiary to trust for minor children
  • Provide Will, POA, and quick start document to executor and guardians

marion10

  • Bristles
  • ***
  • Posts: 377
Re: Get Your Shit Together! Wills, living wills, POAs, life insurance, etc.
« Reply #213 on: December 23, 2021, 08:57:10 PM »
Hope this will inspire me. My father is now in a nursing home and sorting out his stuff has been pretty draining. We need new wills as our children are no longer minors. Plan to do powers of attorney for each other, with our daughter as back up. And remember those vital records - they wanted a copy of my parents divorce decree as part of his Medicaid application process- and I was able to produce a copy right away.

Sailor Sam

  • Walrus Stache
  • *******
  • Posts: 5366
  • Age: 41
  • Location: Steel Beach
  • Semper...something
Re: Get Your Shit Together! Wills, living wills, POAs, life insurance, etc.
« Reply #214 on: February 03, 2022, 11:51:19 AM »

UPDATE. Actually made progress on updating the beneficiary stuff.

  • Find lawyer to do Will, and Powers of Attorney
  • Meet with lawyer
  • Do what lawyer says to establish trust for minor children & guardianship for Tiny Dog
  • Sign Will & POA
  • Update SGLI beneficiary to Tiny Dog guardian
  • Update USAA Pay on Death to Executor
  • Update Vanguard, SGLI, Betterment, TSP beneficiary to trust for minor children
  • Provide Will, POA, and quick start document to executor and guardians


I’m getting close! I’ll probably finish this round right when it’s time to start the next… Blerk.

Turtle

  • 5 O'Clock Shadow
  • *
  • Posts: 92
Re: Get Your Shit Together! Wills, living wills, POAs, life insurance, etc.
« Reply #215 on: February 03, 2022, 03:23:12 PM »
Spouse and I have been married for almost 16 years and had only completed some of these items - term life through employers and beneficiaries on main retirement accounts.

My current employer offers Legal as part of their benefits package, and I signed up for 2022.  We have already met with the lawyer and submitted paperwork for will, trust, living will.

Most of the beneficiary stuff is in place, finished a couple more this month.

Once the trust paperwork is complete, some of my beneficiary items will be updated to list the trust.
« Last Edit: May 20, 2022, 07:06:24 AM by Turtle »

rmorris50

  • Bristles
  • ***
  • Posts: 342
Re: Get Your Shit Together! Wills, living wills, POAs, life insurance, etc.
« Reply #216 on: February 03, 2022, 08:49:30 PM »
Just met with a new lawyer in a a new state we moved to in order to update our docs 15 years later. Most stressful part? We need to find two witnesses unrelated to us. We don’t have close friends here. Who are we gonna get!?

Lawyer also thought we didn’t need a trust, which I found interesting. She said probate is just a process, it isn’t good or bad. And if heirs are gonna squabble a trust won’t help, they’ll still squabble.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Dee18

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 2000
Re: Get Your Shit Together! Wills, living wills, POAs, life insurance, etc.
« Reply #217 on: February 04, 2022, 10:03:36 AM »
You do not need to know the witnesses.  It's okay to use staff at the attorney's office.

rmorris50

  • Bristles
  • ***
  • Posts: 342
Re: Get Your Shit Together! Wills, living wills, POAs, life insurance, etc.
« Reply #218 on: February 04, 2022, 10:09:13 AM »
You do not need to know the witnesses.  It's okay to use staff at the attorney's office.
Yeah this lawyer is a one person show out of her home. Maybe she still know people.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Britan

  • Bristles
  • ***
  • Posts: 429
Re: Get Your Shit Together! Wills, living wills, POAs, life insurance, etc.
« Reply #219 on: February 06, 2022, 02:29:16 PM »
Ok so my official list:
1. Get life insurance for the both of us
1.a Get quotes
1.b Decide which to go with
1.c Do all the paperwork and exams, etc.
1.d Have life insurance


2. Get wills written and officialized
2.a Talk to parents about designation as guardians and executors
2.b Talk to siblings about being backup-to-the-backup guardians and executors
New step: talk to friend about being short term pet guardian and finder of new homes
New step: pick local temp guardians and talk to them
New step: Just make basic free will DIY to have one
2.c Ask local lawyer about cost to draft a will and set up trust
2.d Decide whether to do it on legal zoom or via a lawyer

2.e Draft will
2.f ???
2.g Will is official and done

3. (Optional) Living will, POA, and desires for burial etc.
This isn’t strictly necessary, though I know we both have some thoughts in this area. DH more strongly than I. So it wouldn’t be a bad idea to get them in writing, though we’ve had discussions about them before.

4. Double check beneficiaries on all accounts. Pretty sure this is done though.
Got a few things done today. Things are moving, this is good.
Niiiice item 1 is DONE. And item 4. Now just the will. That’s in the works. I just have to pay the $ to the lawyer and fill out their forms to get the convo started.

stoaX

  • Pencil Stache
  • ****
  • Posts: 825
  • Location: South Carolina
  • 'tis nothing good nor bad but thinking makes it so
Re: Get Your Shit Together! Wills, living wills, POAs, life insurance, etc.
« Reply #220 on: February 08, 2022, 07:35:12 AM »
Mrs StoaX and I have our "shit together" except for 2 things:
We gotta pare down the complexity of our finances so someone else can understand it if necessary, and get a friend or family member on board to handle things if neither of us can do it.

Sailor Sam

  • Walrus Stache
  • *******
  • Posts: 5366
  • Age: 41
  • Location: Steel Beach
  • Semper...something
Re: Get Your Shit Together! Wills, living wills, POAs, life insurance, etc.
« Reply #221 on: February 08, 2022, 08:53:51 AM »
UPDATE. So close. All I need to do is mail the quick-start guides to a couple people.

  • Find lawyer to do Will, and Powers of Attorney
  • Meet with lawyer
  • Do what lawyer says to establish trust for minor children & guardianship for Tiny Dog
  • Sign Will & POA
  • Update SGLI beneficiary to Tiny Dog guardian
  • Update USAA Pay on Death to Executor
  • Update Vanguard, SGLI, Betterment, TSP beneficiary to trust for minor children
  • Provide Will, POA, and quick start document to executor and guardians


I've added a few things:
  • Finalize Evacuate(!) Bag - food cubes, paracord, wool socks, underwear, shoes, towel, packing cubes(?), vital documents
  • Gather Get Home Now(!) Bag - hat, gloves, wool socks, shoes, tarp, mylar blanket, water filtration, food.

stoaX

  • Pencil Stache
  • ****
  • Posts: 825
  • Location: South Carolina
  • 'tis nothing good nor bad but thinking makes it so
Re: Get Your Shit Together! Wills, living wills, POAs, life insurance, etc.
« Reply #222 on: February 10, 2022, 04:01:13 AM »
Hope this will inspire me. My father is now in a nursing home and sorting out his stuff has been pretty draining. We need new wills as our children are no longer minors. Plan to do powers of attorney for each other, with our daughter as back up. And remember those vital records - they wanted a copy of my parents divorce decree as part of his Medicaid application process- and I was able to produce a copy right away.

Your post points out an interesting nuance:. In addition to getting your shit together, you gotta keep it together by updating things as circumstances change.

tygertygertyger

  • Bristles
  • ***
  • Posts: 441
Re: Get Your Shit Together! Wills, living wills, POAs, life insurance, etc.
« Reply #223 on: February 10, 2022, 09:07:37 AM »
This is a great thread. My partner and I have been together for ten years, and I've been bugging him just to add beneficiaries to his investment accounts for like 4 years. Now that we just bought a house, I REALLY want us to get our shit together.

-ADD beneficiaries to investment accounts! (mostly him, but I'd better double check mine)
-Wills
-POAs
-maybe term life insurance policies... we don't have kids, but maybe enough to cover the house if something happens to one of us. Will think on this.

Have decided against term life insurance - our house is cheap enough that if need be, my partner could pay it off from our combined assets.

I reminded him yesterday (after I was reminded by this thread!) that he still needs to add beneficiaries to his accounts. He nodded at me, and opened his computer with purpose and began tapping the keys. I was surprised and wondered if he was going to start immediately, so I look over his shoulder and see that he has opened Twitter. Sigh. I will accomplish this task this year.

I also signed up for our company's Legal Plan and opened up the option to create the will, POA, etc. I've seen other people on the forum mention receiving a packet in the mail to fill out. But mine offered me two options: meet with someone in person, or fill out an online form and "Protect your Loved Ones in 15 Minutes"... so... I guess I'll try out the 15 minute version.

I am making my brother the executor of my will (he's a lawyer so he's used to the bureaucracy and doesn't mind phone calls. I should let him know though.) The piece that's got me paused now is deciding who is the best person to make decisions if I'm incapacitated. My partner would be fine, but he has some genetic hearing loss that impacts him when talking on the phone, so I want to think it through.
« Last Edit: February 10, 2022, 09:16:41 AM by tygertygertyger »

FrugalShrew

  • Pencil Stache
  • ****
  • Posts: 685
I have been off the forums for a long time & just started lurking again the last few days. I was debating whether or not to jump back in, but this gauntlet really spoke to me. Getting my own affairs in order & my parents as well has been on my mind a lot lately. I have been making baby steps towards it, but it's time to really buckle down!

My first order of business has been to add or confirm beneficiaries on all my accounts, which are most of my assets. I have actually already been working on that the last few weeks. Recently I added beneficiaries to my brokerage account. I was also working on finalizing the form for beneficiaries for basic life insurance at work, which they just automatically enrolled me, but then I did some digging & realized I could waive that coverage (and save the small deduction from each paycheck)--so that's done.

Once I finish adding beneficiaries, I need to update my will and figure out the medical stuff as well. And then turn to my parents...but one step at a time.

Roadrunner53

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 3349
We made out our Will in 1991. Since then both sets of parents have passed away. I am an only child and have no close relatives. Mr. Roadrunner has 2 sisters and one brother. One sister and one brother are estranged to us for years. We have not seen or spoken to them. As usual a stupid family squabble. Both are a bit 'off' and wouldn't leave them any money even if we were on speaking terms. One sister is pretty normal but doesn't need any money. She has gotten several inheritances over the last few years. Both she and her hub have well paying jobs and a huge house. She has a Mercedes. In our old will we left the two sisters and one brother a token amount and the rest was going to go to animal welfare. I would still like to do that but now would like the siblings off the will and no token amount given. It is really weird to give everything to a charity but I feel strong about it. Who knows if we will even have two cents left to give to animal welfare when the time comes. We have no children either.

Is anyone else here in the same boat with donating what they have to charity? Mr. Roadrunner has been after me for about 8 years to update our will and he has no answers on anything but does want his brother and sisters off.

When we did the Will, we had this nice lady attorney and she died a few years ago. Her son has taken over the practice and he is not my cup of tea. I asked for some help when my Mom died and I was doing the probate. I wanted his help with a few questions and of course would pay him and he never called me back. So, this jerk if off my list and will be looking for someone else.

There is just something about this whole thing that bugs me! Gotta get it done soon or Mr. Roadrunner is going to loose it!

marion10

  • Bristles
  • ***
  • Posts: 377
I don't think it is that odd to leave everything to charity. I know of two people (single, no kids) who left their estates to our church, for example.

AO1FireTo

  • Stubble
  • **
  • Posts: 144
  • Location: Toronto
Apologies if this has been asked before, I haven't read through all of this thread.  Is anyone using a company to act as an executor for their will?  I have my brother at the moment, but I realize it's a lot of work and I'd rather pay someone.

Pros/Cons?

Reade

oneday

  • Walrus Stache
  • *******
  • Posts: 5992
  • Age: 46
  • Location: SF Bay Area, USA
  • Knit, bike, breathe. Repeat. - 94
Joining! This Friday will be the initial appointment with the attorney, so we'll see what comes out of that. Have not given this whole process much thought, really. Hoping the meeting will jump start everything.

rmorris50

  • Bristles
  • ***
  • Posts: 342
Get Your Shit Together! Wills, living wills, POAs, life insurance, etc.
« Reply #229 on: May 17, 2022, 06:39:12 AM »
Apologies if this has been asked before, I haven't read through all of this thread.  Is anyone using a company to act as an executor for their will?  I have my brother at the moment, but I realize it's a lot of work and I'd rather pay someone.

Pros/Cons?

Reade
I haven’t but did contemplate it. And if I remember I thought my lawyer really just pointed to the ongoing, annual cost as the major con. But ask your lawyer.

We also are leaving all residual assets without a specified beneficiary to charity. That way we really don’t have to worry about updating the wills (unless you want to change the charity). Most of our assets are financial assets with beneficiaries and those are very easy to update when needed. Also, we thought this approach would lead to less possible wrangling of the will. However, the lawyer did put a clause in the will saying whoever contests it is “dead to us” and gets nothing from the estate.

Our approach does mean we have to be vigilant about keeping beneficiaries up to date, which we are.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

pdxvandal

  • Bristles
  • ***
  • Posts: 436
  • Location: Earth
Working on my first official will/trust and hope to have it done in the next few weeks. I did it through my employer's EAP and it has been a slog as I started the process in January and the assigned lawyer is a bit flaky (which isn't unusual in my dealings with lawyers). I'm only paying $750, but want to wrap it up ASAP.
« Last Edit: May 18, 2022, 10:20:42 PM by pdxvandal »

oneday

  • Walrus Stache
  • *******
  • Posts: 5992
  • Age: 46
  • Location: SF Bay Area, USA
  • Knit, bike, breathe. Repeat. - 94
@pdxvandal sorry you got the flaky lawyer. Best of luck to you getting you will wrapped up pronto.

Turtle

  • 5 O'Clock Shadow
  • *
  • Posts: 92
This is a great thread. My partner and I have been together for ten years, and I've been bugging him just to add beneficiaries to his investment accounts for like 4 years. Now that we just bought a house, I REALLY want us to get our shit together.

-ADD beneficiaries to investment accounts! (mostly him, but I'd better double check mine)
-Wills
-POAs
-maybe term life insurance policies... we don't have kids, but maybe enough to cover the house if something happens to one of us. Will think on this.

Have decided against term life insurance - our house is cheap enough that if need be, my partner could pay it off from our combined assets.

I reminded him yesterday (after I was reminded by this thread!) that he still needs to add beneficiaries to his accounts. He nodded at me, and opened his computer with purpose and began tapping the keys. I was surprised and wondered if he was going to start immediately, so I look over his shoulder and see that he has opened Twitter. Sigh. I will accomplish this task this year.

I also signed up for our company's Legal Plan and opened up the option to create the will, POA, etc. I've seen other people on the forum mention receiving a packet in the mail to fill out. But mine offered me two options: meet with someone in person, or fill out an online form and "Protect your Loved Ones in 15 Minutes"... so... I guess I'll try out the 15 minute version.

I am making my brother the executor of my will (he's a lawyer so he's used to the bureaucracy and doesn't mind phone calls. I should let him know though.) The piece that's got me paused now is deciding who is the best person to make decisions if I'm incapacitated. My partner would be fine, but he has some genetic hearing loss that impacts him when talking on the phone, so I want to think it through.

My "meet with someone in person" for my corporate benefit was more of a pick the best rated local person, call them, get a packet in the mail from them to fill out, send it & do a quick Zoom to be certain they understood everything that was on there, and then they drew everything up.

The only in person thing was to go over the drawn up paperwork and sign.

jfer_rose

  • Pencil Stache
  • ****
  • Posts: 806
  • Age: 44
  • Location: Urban Dweller
I'm joining the gauntlet but right now I'm in planning mode rather than action mode. I would like to move toward action mode once I get a better idea of what my wishes actually are.

Does anyone have any recommended resources or wisdom for deciding who to leave assets to? Especially resources that could be at least a bit relevant to my situation. I'm also interested in resources for reading about what the various options are for healthcare directives, etc., so I can decide what I want to do for that. I would like to have a better idea of my wishes before I engage a lawyer. Because as it stands right now I think I could waste a lot of a lawyer's time thinking this through and that could be expensive.

My situation is as follows:
  • No children.
  • No living parents.
  • Long term (six years) live-in significant other but unmarried. How do people decide when it make sense to be each other's beneficiaries outside of marriage?
  • MANY siblings. So many that I was unable to add them as beneficiaries to some of my financial accounts because the number of beneficiaries was larger than they support. Also relevant: there is a large age gap between myself and my siblings so I'm statistically likely to outlive them. However, if I die before them I would love to leave them money.
  • Huge quantity of nieces, nephews, great nieces, and great nephews. Struggling to figure out what I want to do for them. Or how to divide my money between my siblings and my siblings kids/grandkids




tygertygertyger

  • Bristles
  • ***
  • Posts: 441
I'm joining the gauntlet but right now I'm in planning mode rather than action mode. I would like to move toward action mode once I get a better idea of what my wishes actually are.

Does anyone have any recommended resources or wisdom for deciding who to leave assets to? Especially resources that could be at least a bit relevant to my situation. I'm also interested in resources for reading about what the various options are for healthcare directives, etc., so I can decide what I want to do for that. I would like to have a better idea of my wishes before I engage a lawyer. Because as it stands right now I think I could waste a lot of a lawyer's time thinking this through and that could be expensive.

My situation is as follows:
  • No children.
  • No living parents.
  • Long term (six years) live-in significant other but unmarried. How do people decide when it make sense to be each other's beneficiaries outside of marriage?
  • MANY siblings. So many that I was unable to add them as beneficiaries to some of my financial accounts because the number of beneficiaries was larger than they support. Also relevant: there is a large age gap between myself and my siblings so I'm statistically likely to outlive them. However, if I die before them I would love to leave them money.
  • Huge quantity of nieces, nephews, great nieces, and great nephews. Struggling to figure out what I want to do for them. Or how to divide my money between my siblings and my siblings kids/grandkids

These are the same questions I've been thinking over. I have a long-term SO (unmarried) too, and each of us has a variety of nieces and nephews. My SO and I don't pool finances, but we do own a house together and have our own system for paying bills.

I am planning to split my regular investment account between all my nephews. I've told my partner that I want to leave some money to my friend's kids, and I will put that in my will. Currently, my SO is getting 50% and the other 50% goes to my mom/brothers. I might be changing that to leave my SO more. Most of my funds will be directed through account beneficiaries rather than a will.

My SO plans to leave some of his money to his nephew and niece, and I'm not sure if he plans to leave me the rest, but probably. It's his money, and it's up to him how he wants to leave it. (Though I want both of us to leave something for the other, because it would be difficult to start paying the mortgage otherwise for whoever is left.)

However, my bigger issue is more deciding who would be the best for an executor or getting Power of Attorney or POA for medical decisions. My SO despises phone calls and bureaucracy, so I decided that my brother would be the best executor. (My SO knows this, but I still need to tell my brother!)

I think my partner would be okay for POA in medical cases, but he does seem slightly alarmed when I ask him pointed questions about potential situations, so I am delaying while I continue to think about it. He certainly expects to go first, but it's important to make the plan in advance because I know it may go another way.   

jfer_rose

  • Pencil Stache
  • ****
  • Posts: 806
  • Age: 44
  • Location: Urban Dweller
Thank you @tygertygertyger for sharing your thoughts! I find it incredibly helpful to hear how others are thinking through this and how they are handling it. I like your approach of 50% to SO and 50% to other loved ones.

I forgot to mention that my partner and I also keep our finances completely separate (we have a system for how to divide up shared costs).

And gah! I can't believe I forgot I also have to decide on executor and POA, etc. Which brings up another question I have. I live in a different state than most of my loved ones. Would being in a different state make it difficult for someone to be POA/Executor or the like? I have two sisters who served as executors for loved ones' estates and I recall them making a lot of in-person visits to banks, etc-- I'm wondering if that could have been handled remotely instead?