Author Topic: No Gazingus Pins for 2018!  (Read 61291 times)

Serendip

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Re: No Gazingus Pins for 2018!
« Reply #900 on: June 02, 2018, 04:12:37 PM »
Yeah @Rosy !! What an interesting revelation, it must feel like a relief to have increased clarity around this matter.


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Re: No Gazingus Pins for 2018!
« Reply #901 on: June 03, 2018, 05:28:55 PM »
“...and it was never about the jewellery.”

@Rosy - thank you so much for being so real and so vulnerable with us. It sounds like you’ve gotten a lot out of this challenge! I’d encourage you to hang around if you want to :)!

Given the similarities of our obsessions/passions I really appreciate all of your introspection. I’m still trying to figure out exactly what my goals are. If I’m a collector, what’s the point? And when does it end? And if I’m not... honestly, I struggle with the idea of “fun money” unspent. Should I find something else to spend on, the elicits more happiness? (Like spending on others, or charity etc). Or maybe I should just chill and stop spending any of it?

So many questions. I’m glad you’re finding some answers, @Rosy.

RetiredAt63

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Re: No Gazingus Pins for 2018!
« Reply #902 on: June 03, 2018, 06:14:31 PM »
. honestly, I struggle with the idea of ďfun moneyĒ unspent.

Random thoughts about your fun money.  Is it too much?  Is it too little for what you might really want and it is worth while to save it up?  Or spend it on other things?  What things bring you joy that you are not spending your fun money on?
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lifejoy

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Re: No Gazingus Pins for 2018!
« Reply #903 on: June 03, 2018, 08:28:18 PM »
. honestly, I struggle with the idea of “fun money” unspent.

Random thoughts about your fun money.  Is it too much?  Is it too little for what you might really want and it is worth while to save it up?  Or spend it on other things?  What things bring you joy that you are not spending your fun money on?

I love things that are free: library books, parks, talking to friends, tea parties at home. I used to like buying clothes but now with this challenge, I’m finding I don’t miss that at all. I like baking but that comes out of grocery budget. I like buying bling! I honestly don’t NEED anything.

Hmm. Maybe my fun money IS too much. But DH gets the same amount because he likes to buy his lunch. Hmm. You’re giving me something to think about! But yeah, in general, jewellery is the main thing I like to spend my fun money on. I get $250/month for eating out, shopping, and anything that only benefits me and no one else in our family.


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chaskavitch

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Re: No Gazingus Pins for 2018!
« Reply #904 on: June 04, 2018, 06:25:48 AM »
. honestly, I struggle with the idea of ďfun moneyĒ unspent.

Random thoughts about your fun money.  Is it too much?  Is it too little for what you might really want and it is worth while to save it up?  Or spend it on other things?  What things bring you joy that you are not spending your fun money on?

I love things that are free: library books, parks, talking to friends, tea parties at home. I used to like buying clothes but now with this challenge, Iím finding I donít miss that at all. I like baking but that comes out of grocery budget. I like buying bling! I honestly donít NEED anything.

Hmm. Maybe my fun money IS too much. But DH gets the same amount because he likes to buy his lunch. Hmm. Youíre giving me something to think about! But yeah, in general, jewellery is the main thing I like to spend my fun money on. I get $250/month for eating out, shopping, and anything that only benefits me and no one else in our family.


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I love free things too!  That's kind of how I'm feeling about my fun money as well, though.  DH spends all his fun money, his lunch money, his alcohol money, and then some, and I'm over here spending maybe half of my fun money because now I don't go to Target or Goodwill anymore. 

I have gotten a surprising number of free clothes this year, between a clothes swap and my SIL having a bunch of clothes that "aren't her style anymore" I got to pick through.  I need to go through my closet tonight and get rid of a few more things to balance it out.

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Re: No Gazingus Pins for 2018!
« Reply #905 on: June 04, 2018, 07:26:34 AM »
@Rosy -- congrats on the breakthrough!

@lifejoy -- spending just because you have money?  That seems counterproductive, doesn't it?  Almost quintessentially non-Mustachian?  Why not try extra savings or extra charity, rather than extra "things" that you don't need, and see if that makes you happy?  FWIW, I am in a similar place with my DH -- we both get fun money every month, because he likes to buy lots of crap, and I needed to not harp all over him about every unnecessary dime.  So I just save mine.  And now I have over $50K invested, just from that -- no, I am not making that up.  And I guarantee that that little pot of money satisfies me more than any tchotchke I could have bought with it.  I use it for big splurgy things that I would feel guilty charging to the regular budget, like a week in England one-on-one with my mom.  But mostly it just sits there and smiles at me.  ;-)  Would having a nice 'stache of your very own be more satisfying long-term than a stream of little pieces of jewelry that you don't wear?

I get a May star!  And I feel like I should already be awarded a star for June.  We were in NYC this weekend (niece's HS grad trip), and we went through this market, and there was this shop with All The Teas, just all laid out in baskets.  Boy, my brain went screaming through looking for some excuse to buy -- well, I'm almost completely out of regular black tea, wait, maybe they have the white peach I can't find anymore, oooh, look, silver needle, there's some great looking jasmine!  But I walked away.*  I did salve my brain by buying a glass of fresh-brewed iced tea from there, but I figure that was ok because I had just said to my SIL that I *really* needed to find a glass of tea to stave off a caffeine headache. 

*Ok, I did give myself permission to buy the white peach, because I can't find it anywhere, but they didn't have it either.
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formerlydivorcedmom

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Re: No Gazingus Pins for 2018!
« Reply #906 on: June 04, 2018, 08:26:47 AM »
@Laura33 , great work resisting when confronted with your own personal temptation heaven!

@Rosy , please stick around and chat with us.  You're the first to have truly "won" the challenge by identifying and confronting your secret voice.  We could use your continued wisdom!

I hit my own personal epiphany this weekend with candles.  We threw a big party this weekend, which necessitated two very long days of spring cleaning (there would have been a third decluttering day, but the children mutinied).  In the last nine months, I've given away probably 25% of all of our stuff....yet we still have SO MUCH.  As we worked to find homes for the random stuff, I realized...I don't want my candles anymore.  Candles are aspirational for me.  I want to have the perfectly decorated house with the tasteful tchotchkes and perfect candles (that always burn evenly) set out.  I want people to come into my house and ooo and aaah over how pretty it is and how I'm able to keep on top of all of it.

HA!  I will never ever ever live in a magazine-worthy house.  That is not who we are. We are people who schedule parties in part because it gives us a deadline to clean the house.   We are people whose idea of a totally awesome party is cramming 50 people into the house to play board games and eat finger food and chase friends' toddlers around.  In that kind of party, the breakables and candles, etc have to be put away so that toddlers can't reach them and so they aren't in the way of the games.

We got a lot of compliments for the fact that our home was sparkling clean and pretty empty.   So my goal for this week is to pack up all of the candles and drive them to Goodwill to get them out of the house.  I can keep the 3 that are half-melted and maybe 2 more as backups.  And after that, NO MORE buying pretty/sweet-smelling candles just to have.  I can only buy one to replace another that is burned down, and only if I actually plan to light it.  I doubt I'll "need" to buy another for a few years.

Woohoo for working out [some of my] issues :)
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Laura33

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Re: No Gazingus Pins for 2018!
« Reply #907 on: June 04, 2018, 08:44:46 AM »
We are people who schedule parties in part because it gives us a deadline to clean the house.   We are people whose idea of a totally awesome party is cramming 50 people into the house to play board games and eat finger food and chase friends' toddlers around. 

You are my kind of people.  Please invite me, and I will bring both delicious food (I am a good cook!) and a teenage babysitter.  :-)
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Re: No Gazingus Pins for 2018!
« Reply #908 on: June 04, 2018, 08:54:21 AM »
Coming in to get my May star! I went into a new store in the neighborhood yesterday and was confronted with an entire WALL of fun socks, but I resisted. It helps that it's getting warmer here and socks look dumb with sandals. ;)

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Re: No Gazingus Pins for 2018!
« Reply #909 on: June 04, 2018, 09:02:21 AM »

I hit my own personal epiphany this weekend with candles. 

Oh, candles.  And the perfectly decorated house.  Never will be me.  First there was the cat and dog hair all over.  Plus the books. And the knitting. And the plants.  And in late winter/early spring there are all the seedlings for the garden.  And the whatever.

I do have several nice scented candles in glass jars.  Not for every day, though, they are for a special occasion.  The special occasion is a power failure, I would rather light a nice candle that is safe in its own jar than the emergency candles that smell disgusting and are not safely ensconced in a jar or holder.  And yes we do have the occasional power failure and yes I do use them for that.  I know exactly where they are and the matches are with them.
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Rosy

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Re: No Gazingus Pins for 2018!
« Reply #910 on: June 04, 2018, 11:27:44 AM »
ď...and it was never about the jewellery.Ē

@Rosy - thank you so much for being so real and so vulnerable with us. It sounds like youíve gotten a lot out of this challenge! Iíd encourage you to hang around if you want to :)!

Given the similarities of our obsessions/passions I really appreciate all of your introspection. Iím still trying to figure out exactly what my goals are. If Iím a collector, whatís the point? And when does it end? And if Iím not... honestly, I struggle with the idea of ďfun moneyĒ unspent. Should I find something else to spend on, the elicits more happiness? (Like spending on others, or charity etc). Or maybe I should just chill and stop spending any of it?

So many questions. Iím glad youíre finding some answers, @Rosy.

@lifejoy - thank you for always finding the right words - yes to all of it:). Besides, I'd like to hang around just to see how everyone is doing and in particular where you will be emotionally at the end of this year.

Quote
If Iím a collector, whatís the point? And when does it end? And if Iím not...


I've asked myself the same questions:) - we may be sisters in spirit:) I never wanted to become a collector in the sense that the word implies. I had limits and perimeters and criteria from the beginning which I changed along the way as I learned more.

The difference in obsessive collecting is that you ignore both common sense and financial reality, because you've lost your inner equilibrium and you hope by aquiring X it will make up for whatever is truly bothering you.

Jewelry is a luxury - it isn't essential - it isn't necessary for survival and when you think about it @lifejoy  - "If even for a milli-second your purchase would impact babyjoy, I bet you would instantly drop that ring or close that screen".
Purchases are in the here and now - but first comes financial security, the college fund, NW goals... It takes time to reach the end game and if you keep weakening your position along the way - it will take a lot longer or worse yet, potentially leave you vulnerable financially.

We are on MMM, because we do still have goals to reach or we need a bit of motivation and commiseration, a better plan or just plain get our sh$t together.
Tackling issues like a gazingus pin is a huge bonus. 

Back to your point about collecting and what it means or where it ends. It ends when you say, "I used to collect":)
 
This isn't an exercise in willpower, but rather an honest assessment of what brought us to this point in our lives, so we can make a course correction. Lifejoy, in your case it may be nothing more than the baby blues or a resentment to do with the effects of all the life-changing upheaval you currently have to deal with. ("nothing more than" is easy for me to say, but incredibly tough to deal with, I get that)
I have no doubt that in the end you've got this - you've already done a lot to put on the brakes, kudos! - soon you'll come to a complete stop:)

It doesn't mean you'll never buy another piece of bling, it just means that you will be lightyears ahead of all the people who buy mindlessly. For now, just hang in there, you will gain clarity when you allow yourself to face the truth.

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Re: No Gazingus Pins for 2018!
« Reply #911 on: June 04, 2018, 12:25:49 PM »
Thanks Rosy. You’ve given me a lot to think about.

Haha well I can’t use babyjoy as an excuse for the collecting (it was a part of my life long before she was) or for stopping (I see the collection as good for her- to inherit, or to pawn if times are tough).

Harder to sell candles or books or jeans or dinners out, once consumed!

Btw fun fact: I used to collect candles LOL! My closet was full of them. Talk about literally burning up your money...

I’m reading a good (library) book. It applies. I’ll give out stars very soon! Just got a bit busy with life but should have a moment today or tomorrow.

formerlydivorcedmom

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Re: No Gazingus Pins for 2018!
« Reply #912 on: June 04, 2018, 12:58:10 PM »
We are people who schedule parties in part because it gives us a deadline to clean the house.   We are people whose idea of a totally awesome party is cramming 50 people into the house to play board games and eat finger food and chase friends' toddlers around. 

You are my kind of people.  Please invite me, and I will bring both delicious food (I am a good cook!) and a teenage babysitter.  :-)

Come down to Texas and we'll throw a party for you :)  I paid my daughter and her best friend to wrangle the under-6 crowd, but they can always use some help.
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lifejoy

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Re: No Gazingus Pins for 2018!
« Reply #913 on: June 04, 2018, 01:16:50 PM »
@Laura33 , great work resisting when confronted with your own personal temptation heaven!

@Rosy , please stick around and chat with us.  You're the first to have truly "won" the challenge by identifying and confronting your secret voice.  We could use your continued wisdom!

I hit my own personal epiphany this weekend with candles.  We threw a big party this weekend, which necessitated two very long days of spring cleaning (there would have been a third decluttering day, but the children mutinied).  In the last nine months, I've given away probably 25% of all of our stuff....yet we still have SO MUCH.  As we worked to find homes for the random stuff, I realized...I don't want my candles anymore.  Candles are aspirational for me.  I want to have the perfectly decorated house with the tasteful tchotchkes and perfect candles (that always burn evenly) set out.  I want people to come into my house and ooo and aaah over how pretty it is and how I'm able to keep on top of all of it.

HA!  I will never ever ever live in a magazine-worthy house.  That is not who we are. We are people who schedule parties in part because it gives us a deadline to clean the house.   We are people whose idea of a totally awesome party is cramming 50 people into the house to play board games and eat finger food and chase friends' toddlers around.  In that kind of party, the breakables and candles, etc have to be put away so that toddlers can't reach them and so they aren't in the way of the games.

We got a lot of compliments for the fact that our home was sparkling clean and pretty empty.   So my goal for this week is to pack up all of the candles and drive them to Goodwill to get them out of the house.  I can keep the 3 that are half-melted and maybe 2 more as backups.  And after that, NO MORE buying pretty/sweet-smelling candles just to have.  I can only buy one to replace another that is burned down, and only if I actually plan to light it.  I doubt I'll "need" to buy another for a few years.

Woohoo for working out [some of my] issues :)

I love all of this.

“We can be shiny and admired, or real and loved.” - Courtney carver
I think your house sounds very real and full of warmth! No need for candles, indeed.

Thanks for sharing all of these observations!!!

You guys are helping me think. Do I want to give my daughter heirlooms, or space? Bling, or tidiness (lack of hoarding)? Money tied up in jewellery, or money tied up in stocks? Heh.

Hmmmmmmmmmm

Lots to think about.


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lifejoy

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Re: No Gazingus Pins for 2018!
« Reply #914 on: June 04, 2018, 01:17:55 PM »
@Rosy -- congrats on the breakthrough!

@lifejoy -- spending just because you have money?  That seems counterproductive, doesn't it?  Almost quintessentially non-Mustachian?  Why not try extra savings or extra charity, rather than extra "things" that you don't need, and see if that makes you happy?  FWIW, I am in a similar place with my DH -- we both get fun money every month, because he likes to buy lots of crap, and I needed to not harp all over him about every unnecessary dime.  So I just save mine.  And now I have over $50K invested, just from that -- no, I am not making that up.  And I guarantee that that little pot of money satisfies me more than any tchotchke I could have bought with it.  I use it for big splurgy things that I would feel guilty charging to the regular budget, like a week in England one-on-one with my mom.  But mostly it just sits there and smiles at me.  ;-)  Would having a nice 'stache of your very own be more satisfying long-term than a stream of little pieces of jewelry that you don't wear?

I get a May star!  And I feel like I should already be awarded a star for June.  We were in NYC this weekend (niece's HS grad trip), and we went through this market, and there was this shop with All The Teas, just all laid out in baskets.  Boy, my brain went screaming through looking for some excuse to buy -- well, I'm almost completely out of regular black tea, wait, maybe they have the white peach I can't find anymore, oooh, look, silver needle, there's some great looking jasmine!  But I walked away.*  I did salve my brain by buying a glass of fresh-brewed iced tea from there, but I figure that was ok because I had just said to my SIL that I *really* needed to find a glass of tea to stave off a caffeine headache. 

*Ok, I did give myself permission to buy the white peach, because I can't find it anywhere, but they didn't have it either.

That is REALLY neat that you’ve saved up so much fun money! May I ask how much you get each month? I get $250.

I have never even dreamed of saving up that much fun money! Interesting to consider.

Laura33

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Re: No Gazingus Pins for 2018!
« Reply #915 on: June 04, 2018, 04:55:59 PM »
That is REALLY neat that youíve saved up so much fun money! May I ask how much you get each month? I get $250.

I have never even dreamed of saving up that much fun money! Interesting to consider.

$200 each.  Basically, it is automatically deposited in my savings, and when that builds up to $5K (or more if[when] I'm lazy), I transfer it to investments.  That way I have a chunk on hand for any big things I might want (like that trip with my mom, which was maybe $2500), but still get the long-term investment.

But we've also been doing this for 22 years.  :-)
Laugh while you can, monkey-boy

lifejoy

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Re: No Gazingus Pins for 2018!
« Reply #916 on: June 04, 2018, 05:00:47 PM »
That is REALLY neat that you’ve saved up so much fun money! May I ask how much you get each month? I get $250.

I have never even dreamed of saving up that much fun money! Interesting to consider.

$200 each.  Basically, it is automatically deposited in my savings, and when that builds up to $5K (or more if[when] I'm lazy), I transfer it to investments.  That way I have a chunk on hand for any big things I might want (like that trip with my mom, which was maybe $2500), but still get the long-term investment.

But we've also been doing this for 22 years.  :-)

Still!!! I’m very impressed!!! I have about $1000 saved... can hardly imagine it being more! Very cool.

lifejoy

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Re: No Gazingus Pins for 2018!
« Reply #917 on: June 04, 2018, 05:52:36 PM »
I just want to say thanks. What a valuable discussion has been taking place here! You guys are giving me lots to think about. Thank you! I’m going to let it sit and then I’ll come back with some distilled thoughts.

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Re: No Gazingus Pins for 2018!
« Reply #918 on: June 04, 2018, 07:36:41 PM »
ooo @lifejoy what book is that? It looks really interesting.

No major realisations about my pins other than it's easier for me to buy supplies than it is to schedule and actually do the creative work. I admire my partner for taking the time to pursue the hobbies that matter to him, I think there is a mild resentment on my part that I don't feel free to do something similar because of the neverending Task List but you know, that's on me for not prioritising sewing over other things. I *am* ruthless about weightlifting and reading - I will push things out of the way to do these.

I wonder if some of it is that I feel that I *ought* to sew more than I actually want to sew, particularly given my sewing table is right in the middle of the house, there is nowhere else in the house it fits, and either I have to move kids out of the way OR opt for sewing over hanging out with Ofpym childfree. So yeah, prioritisation. And now I realised I have bought a second lot of pdf comics from humble bundle when I haven't even read the first lot yet. So that's me substituting purchasing for making time to do the stuff that's already in train.

lifejoy

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Re: No Gazingus Pins for 2018!
« Reply #919 on: June 04, 2018, 07:42:29 PM »
ooo @lifejoy what book is that? It looks really interesting.

No major realisations about my pins other than it's easier for me to buy supplies than it is to schedule and actually do the creative work. I admire my partner for taking the time to pursue the hobbies that matter to him, I think there is a mild resentment on my part that I don't feel free to do something similar because of the neverending Task List but you know, that's on me for not prioritising sewing over other things. I *am* ruthless about weightlifting and reading - I will push things out of the way to do these.

I wonder if some of it is that I feel that I *ought* to sew more than I actually want to sew, particularly given my sewing table is right in the middle of the house, there is nowhere else in the house it fits, and either I have to move kids out of the way OR opt for sewing over hanging out with Ofpym childfree. So yeah, prioritisation. And now I realised I have bought a second lot of pdf comics from humble bundle when I haven't even read the first lot yet. So that's me substituting purchasing for making time to do the stuff that's already in train.

Interesting. I read somewhere: “The things you want to be doing, you are already doing.” Always makes me think.

The book is Classic Style by Kate Schelter. Not at all what I expected, but really nice and feeds my minimalist soul.

lifejoy

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No Gazingus Pins for 2018!
« Reply #920 on: June 04, 2018, 07:52:22 PM »
Some more goodness:

“I truly believe that  doing more with your personal style starts with loving (and reinventing) what you already have and buying less. - “Classic Style” by Kate Schelter

Cool line to read!

lifejoy

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Re: No Gazingus Pins for 2018!
« Reply #921 on: June 04, 2018, 08:27:35 PM »
Wow, sorry - those images don't come up so huge on my phone! I'll post smaller, next time.

Also good: https://theoldmoneybook.com/2018/05/29/the-security-blanket/

mspym

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Re: No Gazingus Pins for 2018!
« Reply #922 on: June 04, 2018, 09:17:06 PM »
Thanks! It sounds right up my alley. In return, may I recommend Orchids on Your Budget by Margaret Hillis as a worthwhile read? its a classic from 1937 that got a reprint recently but is old school PEP + some solid advice on how to plan ahead for purchases and be less swayed by impulse. It's very bracing.

lifejoy

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Re: No Gazingus Pins for 2018!
« Reply #923 on: June 04, 2018, 11:17:42 PM »
Thanks! It sounds right up my alley. In return, may I recommend Orchids on Your Budget by Margaret Hillis as a worthwhile read? its a classic from 1937 that got a reprint recently but is old school PEP + some solid advice on how to plan ahead for purchases and be less swayed by impulse. It's very bracing.

Sounds perfect! Thanks!!

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Re: No Gazingus Pins for 2018!
« Reply #924 on: June 05, 2018, 03:09:45 AM »
I'm a little late finding this topic, but I've given up buying watches for 2018.

I will continue to look at them (particularly vintage chronographs), but will avoid buying any. If I'm being honest with myself, I often get just as much enjoyment from researching a purchase as I do from the item itself once purchased.

Laura33

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Re: No Gazingus Pins for 2018!
« Reply #925 on: June 05, 2018, 07:48:09 AM »
I have about $1000 saved... can hardly imagine it being more! Very cool.

To channel Yoda:  And that is why you fail.  :-)

Seriously:  try imagining it.  How good would it feel to wake up one day and see $10K in your bank account?  Think about that for a minute.  Ten grand, in your account.  Your account.

Jewelry is very shiny-purty; I am not a jewelry person, but put even me in a jewelry shop and the rational part of my mind just turns off and I start mentally salivating at all of the pretty-pretty-pretty-and-wouldn't-that-look-wonderful.*  So I can't imagine how much I'd buy if I actually were a jewelry person. 

For me, that immediate temptation is counterbalanced by more important emotional needs:  my compulsion never to be poor again.  So for the vast majority of my life, the vision of security and comfort from having a big chunk o'cash in the bank was very intuitive and powerful -- so much so that it more than offset the temptation of immediate short-term goodies.**  But it sounds like you literally have no sense of how good it feels to have a big fat chunk o'cash in the bank with your name on it.  That is frankly much healthier psychologically; I bet you feel far more secure in your daily life.  But it does mean that there is nothing to counterbalance the emotional pull of the jewelry.

So think about it.  Set yourself a goal of doubling that @1K and see how it feels.  Then go for $5K, see how that feels.  You may be able to train yourself to override your impulse to buy the jewelry simply by having a different, more tangible goal for that cash.

*In fact, I gave in to temptation in April when DH encouraged me to go into a particular shop and I got totally sucked in by a ridiculous string of black pearls.  If there is one thing I love, it is black pearls -- well, after sapphires.  But I'm counting it as an early anniversary present.  :-)

**And btw, I was dead-bang right about how awesome it would feel to have the confidence that I will never be poor again.
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Re: No Gazingus Pins for 2018!
« Reply #926 on: June 05, 2018, 09:03:38 AM »
I have about $1000 saved... can hardly imagine it being more! Very cool.

To channel Yoda:  And that is why you fail.  :-)

Seriously:  try imagining it.  How good would it feel to wake up one day and see $10K in your bank account?  Think about that for a minute.  Ten grand, in your account.  Your account.

Jewelry is very shiny-purty; I am not a jewelry person, but put even me in a jewelry shop and the rational part of my mind just turns off and I start mentally salivating at all of the pretty-pretty-pretty-and-wouldn't-that-look-wonderful.*  So I can't imagine how much I'd buy if I actually were a jewelry person. 

For me, that immediate temptation is counterbalanced by more important emotional needs:  my compulsion never to be poor again.  So for the vast majority of my life, the vision of security and comfort from having a big chunk o'cash in the bank was very intuitive and powerful -- so much so that it more than offset the temptation of immediate short-term goodies.**  But it sounds like you literally have no sense of how good it feels to have a big fat chunk o'cash in the bank with your name on it.  That is frankly much healthier psychologically; I bet you feel far more secure in your daily life.  But it does mean that there is nothing to counterbalance the emotional pull of the jewelry.

So think about it.  Set yourself a goal of doubling that @1K and see how it feels.  Then go for $5K, see how that feels.  You may be able to train yourself to override your impulse to buy the jewelry simply by having a different, more tangible goal for that cash.

*In fact, I gave in to temptation in April when DH encouraged me to go into a particular shop and I got totally sucked in by a ridiculous string of black pearls.  If there is one thing I love, it is black pearls -- well, after sapphires.  But I'm counting it as an early anniversary present.  :-)

**And btw, I was dead-bang right about how awesome it would feel to have the confidence that I will never be poor again.

I think my situation and experiences are different, but I get the spirit of what you’re saying!

Part of why I can’t/don’t imagine a big savings of fun money is a) don’t see the point (I have major savings in my rrsp in my name) and also because it’s hard for me to imagine needing that money for anything other than fun. My basic needs are taken care of.

You make some good points though! More good stuff for me to think about.

diapasoun

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Re: No Gazingus Pins for 2018!
« Reply #927 on: June 05, 2018, 09:47:59 AM »
Part of why I canít/donít imagine a big savings of fun money is a) donít see the point (I have major savings in my rrsp in my name) and also because itís hard for me to imagine needing that money for anything other than fun. My basic needs are taken care of.

I'm not Canadian and not super up on Canadian tax law, and I don't know your particular financial situation outside of what you've mentioned on this thread -- but aren't there penalties for early withdrawals from RRSPs? You might want to look into having a good emergency fund built up if you don't already have one, if only as a way to avoid needless penalties. You'd want to do the math on the tax and growth implications and know your own risk tolerance, but it's very much possible you would want liquid cash for things other than fun, especially with babyjoy in the mix.

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No Gazingus Pins for 2018!
« Reply #928 on: June 05, 2018, 10:07:35 AM »
True. Very good points.

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Re: No Gazingus Pins for 2018!
« Reply #929 on: June 06, 2018, 07:29:00 AM »
PS:  So I am declaring my moratorium lifted on plain black and green tea bags, as I basically have none left (well, have a couple of bags of green left, but that's it).*  Still not buying any loose teas, as I have some left to drink -- primarily the "fancy" ones that I was saving, so I'm enjoying using those up.  :-)   

I am very pleased to report that as of this morning, I have cleared out my "extra" shelf of tea, and that all of the stuff that was there now fits in comfortably on my allotted shelf.  I am down to one oolong, one pot's worth of the last flavored green that I don't like much, a few 1- and 3-packs of the special tea balls, the white peach I love, a yellow tea that is ok but that I can do without once it's gone, and then the boxes of green bags and black decaf bags.  The black decaf is going to be a problem -- it's largely for guests and DH, but I bought like three boxes over time not realizing I already had some, and I just almost never drink bags of decaf.  But that aside, I would guess that I am within a few weeks to a month of being completely done.

*Generally, I do a pot of caffeinated tea in the morning, and then re-use the tea leaves several times for decaf.  But sometimes I don't get sufficient uses out of the decaf in one day, but I still need to brew another pot of caffeinated the next day, so I use tea bags for that.  That's where I am today:  needed a quick pot this AM, already have three filters full of decaf leaves requiring finishing, and am leaving town for two days after lunch, so didn't want to create still more decaf leaves that won't get used while I'm gone.
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formerlydivorcedmom

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Re: No Gazingus Pins for 2018!
« Reply #930 on: June 06, 2018, 07:55:39 AM »
That's great progress, @Laura33 !!
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Re: No Gazingus Pins for 2018!
« Reply #931 on: June 06, 2018, 08:27:01 AM »
Welcome to the group, Little Aussie Battler!! I hope we can help you stay firm against the lure of the beautiful shiny watches.

In your honor, Laura33, instead of buying new tea I'm going to investigate the yerba mate kit that my brother in law gave me a couple of years ago. It has been occupying the top shelf of my tea cabinet, untouched, since then. 

On the crafts front, yesterday I bought a touch-up kit for the scratches on my car, and also a set of bake-on enamel paints so I can repaint the completely faded lines on my Pyrex measuring cups.  I'm not sure whether these count. For the measuring cups, I could have simply bought new cups, or kept writing in the lines using a Sharpie.  But I thought it would look nicer and be more fun to have the enamels, for about the same cost as a new set of cups.

Maybe I should make an addendum for these repair type purchases... if I don't use them within the month and they just add to the clutter, they count as a gazingus pin. But if I actually use them, then they are not counted and I get to boast about them in the "saved money" thread etc.

diapasoun

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Re: No Gazingus Pins for 2018!
« Reply #932 on: June 06, 2018, 10:27:14 AM »
Laura33, your continued drinking down of your tea collection has inspired me to keep drinking down my own -- I'm about a pot away from finishing one old tin, and will soon be starting on another. Thanks. :)

It's funny. I'm enjoying the decluttering thread, but there's nothing that makes me want to minimize, declutter, and get to the heart of what's going on with me and My Stuff like this thread. Seeing so many of us wrestle with our pins is eye-opening in a very particular way.

Inkedup

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Re: No Gazingus Pins for 2018!
« Reply #933 on: June 07, 2018, 07:56:29 PM »
Checking in (belatedly) to claim a star for May.

But not June.

Since I drank down all the coffee in my pantry last month, I made my first purchase of beans in over half a year. Very exciting. However, the siren song of tea proved to be too strong and I caved in on a 10g sample. It's a small quantity, but a purchase is a purchase.

So I'm checking in early to forego the June star.

MaybeBabyMustache

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Re: No Gazingus Pins for 2018!
« Reply #934 on: June 07, 2018, 08:58:43 PM »
I bought a $300 gift card to Home Depot, but it will be used within the next few weeks (so, not a Gazingus pin). In crazy news, the $300 purchase yielded a $90 Starbucks gift card. So excited, as this will cover our food & drinks for our road trip, plus likely the breakfast I typically buy my relay team in August.

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Re: No Gazingus Pins for 2018!
« Reply #935 on: June 08, 2018, 02:03:08 PM »
I'm a little late finding this topic, but I've given up buying watches for 2018.

I will continue to look at them (particularly vintage chronographs), but will avoid buying any. If I'm being honest with myself, I often get just as much enjoyment from researching a purchase as I do from the item itself once purchased.

Welcome on board! So you are a hunter-gatherer extraordinaire:)
I've had the "perfect" watch on my list for a while. My old Gucci has too small a face for me to read comfortably at a glance anymore, so I've been wearing an Aldi watch for ten bucks.

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Re: No Gazingus Pins for 2018!
« Reply #936 on: June 08, 2018, 04:05:00 PM »
I have about $1000 saved... can hardly imagine it being more! Very cool.

To channel Yoda:  And that is why you fail.  :-)

Seriously:  try imagining it.  How good would it feel to wake up one day and see $10K in your bank account?  Think about that for a minute.  Ten grand, in your account.  Your account. Yeah - but all I can think of is how now I have no money to spend at all:)

Jewelry is very shiny-purty; I am not a jewelry person, but put even me in a jewelry shop and the rational part of my mind just turns off and I start mentally salivating at all of the pretty-pretty-pretty-and-wouldn't-that-look-wonderful.*  So I can't imagine how much I'd buy if I actually were a jewelry person. 

For me, that immediate temptation is counterbalanced by more important emotional needs:  my compulsion never to be poor again.  So for the vast majority of my life, the vision of security and comfort from having a big chunk o'cash in the bank was very intuitive and powerful -- so much so that it more than offset the temptation of immediate short-term goodies.**  But it sounds like you literally have no sense of how good it feels to have a big fat chunk o'cash in the bank with your name on it.  That is frankly much healthier psychologically; I bet you feel far more secure in your daily life.  But it does mean that there is nothing to counterbalance the emotional pull of the jewelry.
This is how I feel about my stash goals - but I need to know I have some fun money, even a tiny amount will do, and still meet my goals. To me that is success! Otherwise, it is all an endless struggle with no relief ever and that is a recipe for trouble:).

So think about it.  Set yourself a goal of doubling that @1K and see how it feels.  Then go for $5K, see how that feels.  You may be able to train yourself to override your impulse to buy the jewelry simply by having a different, more tangible goal for that cash. No - all I hear you say is set another savings goal - I already have several of those - don't take my fun money away from me.

*In fact, I gave in to temptation in April when DH encouraged me to go into a particular shop and I got totally sucked in by a ridiculous string of black pearls.  If there is one thing I love, it is black pearls -- well, after sapphires.  But I'm counting it as an early anniversary present.  :-)

**And btw, I was dead-bang right about how awesome it would feel to have the confidence that I will never be poor again. Security is an illusion - I've lost everything before - twice. Three times if you count the house burnt down without insurance when I was three years old.

I think my situation and experiences are different, but I get the spirit of what youíre saying! - Yes, different life experiences change your outlook!

Part of why I canít/donít imagine a big savings of fun money is a) donít see the point (I have major savings in my rrsp in my name) and also because itís hard for me to imagine needing that money for anything other than fun. My basic needs are taken care of.

You make some good points though! More good stuff for me to think about.

@Laura33
It is interesting to hear you talk about not spending fun money and save it instead. That to me is a total contradiction - in fact, I feel part furious at the thought and part lost.
Furious - because you are taking something away from me and lost - because what will I spend it on now?
This is just another can of worms for me - thank you very much - ugh:)

It doesn't feel right - fun money - is a dedicated bucket for "spending", not saving. Oh, this is so twisted - I'll gladly pour a portion of my fun money into whatever savings goal I am pursuing at the time and I do occasionally, but it occurs to me it would add insult to injury to not indulge at all.

If I can't indulge, then what is the point (of living was my thought just now - but surely that goes too far)? Then again - now that jewelry/gemstone collecting is off the table I don't really have any wants.
I don't need anything - I don't want to encourage any new vices.

Well, maybe I could just turn it into my travel fund - that is an indulgence, right? and I'll need to start a new one anyway when I return from my trip to Europe.
Oh, I forgot my all important $50K goal by Dec 2019. How could I forget about that?
Well, because savings and fun money are separated by a barbed wire fence and the strip dividing them is full of explosives - in my mind anyway - the two shall never meet:).
 
There is still the gold necklace that I really want for my B-day next year - I could set aside half of it for the necklace and alternate sending the other half to my travel fund or savings ea mo.
OK then - I will go back to my old motto of "I am re-directing my money", because good things will happen if I do that.
Sheesh, all this agony over $250 mo:)

Hmm, I guess I prefer to have a plan - whether it is fun money - which must be spent or savings which may be enhanced by unused/temporarily allocated fun money.
But most of all I don't want to lose the label fun money - because once it is saved instead, it is lost to me as unallocated fun money.

LOL - if anyone is actually reading this - is your head spinning yet:)   

mspym

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Re: No Gazingus Pins for 2018!
« Reply #937 on: June 08, 2018, 05:04:55 PM »
I see where you are coming from, Rosy. I have walls between spending and savings money and I need to have the permission to spend some of the money I earn on whatever my little heart desires, because otherwise my brain will ratchet up the restrictions on me.

It sounds like for Laura saving *is* fun and being able to splurge without concern from the savings is part of the fun. If this doesn't work for you - because then it becomes part of the Untouchable Savings - then it doesn't work for you. There needs to be joy along the way and if this option doesn't bring you joy then it just means it's not for you. Like durian or oysters.

Laura33

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Re: No Gazingus Pins for 2018!
« Reply #938 on: June 08, 2018, 07:27:18 PM »
@Rosy:  very deep!  And yes, there is a different background: we started the fun money because DH liked fancier stuff, and I was routinely frustrated seeing things like $120 Oakleys come home when the drugstore had perfectly good ones for $10.  As mspym said, I would have preferred to save the money; for me, budgeting was a game, where you set the targets, and then you tried to come in under them every month.  So separate fun money allowances allowed him to buy his stupid stuff and me to save more than we officially budgeted for, making both of us happy.

But what I was responding to in Lifejoyís post - and I see it some in yours as well - is the sense that the fun money must be spent - even when there is no particular ďthingĒ that you want from it.  And that seems bass-ackwards to me, where the joy comes from the fact of spending money, rather than using that money as a tool to get you something in particular that you value (be that a thing, or an experience, or fewer days of paid employment, or whatever).  I mean, you guys have both talked about your jewelry fixations, but you both also sound like that jewelry isnít really bringing you the happiness you used to get from it (and, Rosy, you have even suggested that it seems to be interfering with your larger savings goals).  And yet you keep throwing money at it, almost automatically, because money is to be spent, and you canít think of anything better to spend it on right now.  And Rosy, now that you have kicked that habit, you seem to be running around trying to come up with other ideas that you can throw that money at, right?  To me, that sounds a lot like it is really the act of spending that is driving you; the stuff you acquire is almost beside the point.  And that is, in the end, self-defeating, and I think exactly the kind of thing that we are in this challenge to get away from.

Look, despite what my kids would tell you, I am not the death of all things fun and frivolous.  I have absolutely no problems whatsoever spending money on frivolities - yes, it took a lot of time to learn than spending anything is ok, but I have seriously gone over to the dark side (really, you should see my car - it is unjustifiable under any possible circumstances).  So I am not talking about living a constrained, deprived life - just about making sure you have the big priorities covered before the frivolity, and then spending the play money on things that bring you lasting happiness, vs. chasing the fast/cheap thrill of buying something because you can.  If you want to give yourself fun money for a particular thing that you value - and if you need to keep it completely separate for your own accountability - thatís totally fine.  But why rush to spend it every month if you donít have a particular ďthingĒ right now that is drawing you?  Just let it sit there and build up (a/k/a ďsaveĒ it 😉) in your separate fun money account so you will be in a position to buy an even bigger and better ďthingĒ when you come across it later. 

Laugh while you can, monkey-boy

lifejoy

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Re: No Gazingus Pins for 2018!
« Reply #939 on: June 08, 2018, 07:42:37 PM »
Rosy, I am you. Hahaha! I loved your post because I was just nodding along, yep yep yep! And Laura, I am not you, but I looooove the viewpoint you’re presenting because it gives me lots to think about.

Also: debeers is launching Lightbox in the fall and will be selling manmade diamonds for $800/carat. This blows my little mind. Right now, (mined) diamonds are about $6-10,000 per carat. Ha! Moissanite (a recent simulant) was about $1000/carat and is taking a dive. Am I telling you this to tempt you? No. I’m telling you because... I dunno. It’s just proving to me how crazy this gazigus pin is. How subjective. And transient. And unstable. I’m just blown away and feeling glad that I haven’t poured a ton of money (in my mind) into diamonds or Moissanite.

My thought process went like this:
“Thank goodness I didn’t buy a mined diamond for $10,000!!!”
And then, “Ok, so I’ll buy a 1ct manmade diamond in the fall when they launch, for $800.”
And then, “Oh crap, that’s just as pointless, isn’t it? Darn.”

More leads to more.


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lifejoy

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Re: No Gazingus Pins for 2018!
« Reply #940 on: June 08, 2018, 07:57:20 PM »
Ok. I guess it’s proving to me how subjective value is. And how much I (we?) fetishize my gazingus pin.

If I’m being totally honest, June hasn’t been a successful month for me, so having these realizations is very helpful.

And back to Laura, and her hitting the nail on the head. I love the treasure hunting. The act of buying more than the actual acquiring. Interesting. I’ve kind of known this for a while but tried to ignore it. Or allow it. But what’s the point?

I think I’m going to allow my passion for jewellery, but aim to control/stop the buying. I’ve been practicing jewellery photography, I can do that. I can take care of the collection I have. And I can sell the pieces I don’t enjoy. It’s a decent plan!

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Re: No Gazingus Pins for 2018!
« Reply #941 on: June 09, 2018, 04:53:01 PM »
Rosy, I am you. Hahaha! I loved your post because I was just nodding along, yep yep yep! And Laura, I am not you, but I looooove the viewpoint youíre presenting because it gives me lots to think about.

Also: debeers is launching Lightbox in the fall and will be selling manmade diamonds for $800/carat. This blows my little mind. Right now, (mined) diamonds are about $6-10,000 per carat. Ha! Moissanite (a recent simulant) was about $1000/carat and is taking a dive. Am I telling you this to tempt you? No. Iím telling you because... I dunno. Itís just proving to me how crazy this gazigus pin is. How subjective. And transient. And unstable. Iím just blown away and feeling glad that I havenít poured a ton of money (in my mind) into diamonds or Moissanite.

My thought process went like this:
ďThank goodness I didnít buy a mined diamond for $10,000!!!Ē
And then, ďOk, so Iíll buy a 1ct manmade diamond in the fall when they launch, for $800.Ē
And then, ďOh crap, thatís just as pointless, isnít it? Darn.Ē

More leads to more.


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Two of us? The world isn't ready for that:)
@lifejoy I think you are still stuck like glue on the jewelry - you know the gooey stringy kind, that sticks to your fingers and anything else it isn't supposed to. Don't give up and don't give in - you can do this! If not this month - then next month:)
In both your comments you keep repeating the same credo - going round and round. Something isn't clicking for you, yet. So maybe moving on to the subject of what to do with fun money is only muddying the water for you.

I'm clearly not quite there yet either - I'm still wrestling with/foaming at the mouth/rejecting what Laura said about fun money, it's like a burr under my skin right now. I'll come to terms with it eventually.
It helps that for now, I don't have to do anything, so maybe by default, the money will accumulate in my account while I'm gone on vacation.
One step at a time.
 
This stuff takes time to mull over and digest. I'll reply to Laura when I sorted things out in my head.
I wish I had a magic wand to make it click for you, but all I can offer is hang in there - it doesn't matter how many times you fall, it's the getting up and staying up that counts.

I heard you say loud and clear that already you were not doing so well in June - so just do better in the second half, right?:)
Remember I've tried once before to rid myself of this unwelcome addiction - if it wasn't for you and everyone's thoughtful responses - even if I didn't always like them, I wouldn't have made it this time around either.
So, if you inspired me to see the light I'm pretty damn sure you will find your own way too:)! - I/we will carry the lantern for you:)

It is a bit strange to see your post lifejoy because I've somehow managed to turn on a dime (which is how I deal with things when I'm done) and you are now speaking to me from another universe that I once inhabited and have no desire to ever visit again.
I don't mean to offend or sound arrogant, it's just that mentally I've already moved light years away - but it sure was a long time in coming:).
 

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Re: No Gazingus Pins for 2018!
« Reply #942 on: June 09, 2018, 05:11:03 PM »
I see where you are coming from, Rosy. I have walls between spending and savings money and I need to have the permission to spend some of the money I earn on whatever my little heart desires, because otherwise my brain will ratchet up the restrictions on me.

It sounds like for Laura saving *is* fun and being able to splurge without concern from the savings is part of the fun. If this doesn't work for you - because then it becomes part of the Untouchable Savings - then it doesn't work for you. There needs to be joy along the way and if this option doesn't bring you joy then it just means it's not for you. Like durian or oysters.

Yes, I picked up on that too - for Laura saving is joy and satisfaction. I'm mulling it over, I knew this would be a can of worms for me.

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Re: No Gazingus Pins for 2018!
« Reply #943 on: June 11, 2018, 11:05:59 AM »
@Rosy:  very deep!  And yes, there is a different background: we started the fun money because DH liked fancier stuff, and I was routinely frustrated seeing things like $120 Oakleys come home when the drugstore had perfectly good ones for $10.  As mspym said, I would have preferred to save the money; for me, budgeting was a game, where you set the targets, and then you tried to come in under them every month.  So separate fun money allowances allowed him to buy his stupid stuff and me to save more than we officially budgeted for, making both of us happy.

But what I was responding to in Lifejoyís post - and I see it some in yours as well - is the sense that the fun money must be spent - even when there is no particular ďthingĒ that you want from it.  And that seems bass-ackwards to me, where the joy comes from the fact of spending money, rather than using that money as a tool to get you something in particular that you value (be that a thing, or an experience, or fewer days of paid employment, or whatever).  I mean, you guys have both talked about your jewelry fixations, but you both also sound like that jewelry isnít really bringing you the happiness you used to get from it (and, Rosy, you have even suggested that it seems to be interfering with your larger savings goals).  And yet you keep throwing money at it, almost automatically, because money is to be spent, and you canít think of anything better to spend it on right now.  And Rosy, now that you have kicked that habit, you seem to be running around trying to come up with other ideas that you can throw that money at, right?  To me, that sounds a lot like it is really the act of spending that is driving you; the stuff you acquire is almost beside the point.  And that is, in the end, self-defeating, and I think exactly the kind of thing that we are in this challenge to get away from.

Look, despite what my kids would tell you, I am not the death of all things fun and frivolous.  I have absolutely no problems whatsoever spending money on frivolities - yes, it took a lot of time to learn than spending anything is ok, but I have seriously gone over to the dark side (really, you should see my car - it is unjustifiable under any possible circumstances).  So I am not talking about living a constrained, deprived life - just about making sure you have the big priorities covered before the frivolity, and then spending the play money on things that bring you lasting happiness, vs. chasing the fast/cheap thrill of buying something because you can.  If you want to give yourself fun money for a particular thing that you value - and if you need to keep it completely separate for your own accountability - thatís totally fine.  But why rush to spend it every month if you donít have a particular ďthingĒ right now that is drawing you?  Just let it sit there and build up (a/k/a ďsaveĒ it 😉) in your separate fun money account so you will be in a position to buy an even bigger and better ďthingĒ when you come across it later.

@Laura33 - extrapolating - recalculating - wirrrr - fizzz - exploding-imploding, foundation shaken:) This is a fundamental difference in approach.

Rejection remains my first response, but anytime you categorically reject something it means you are not willing to examine much less re-examine the issue. It is easy to say this will not work for me, but maybe it would - if I were to give it a chance.

This July is the end of an extreme budget that I imposed upon myself for an entire year. It's been hell, riddled with anxiety and of course, sh$t kept happening incl. a meltdown in April.
I'm still in shock that I pulled this off, successfully. Within that year, I bought two cars, left my remaining $10K CD intact, saved $10K towards my stash goal and saved another $10K for my bucket list trip in July.

So, yeah, my first reaction is I really need that fun money and I want to spend it on something - anything, I want to throw it up into the air and be showered in it:)

Seriously, in my case, this $250 for fun money for all intents and purposes didn't really exist during July 2017 to July 2018. Basically, I rotated some slush fund money, but sometimes even that was reduced to $100 and one time only $20 - yup, it got that tight. I could have asked Mr. R. to transfer $1-2K into my account, but I didn't, mostly because I was afraid that would cause me to spend even more money on my jewelry obsession (which is paid off monthly at 0% interest - a sly way of hiding it from myself, because it became a credit card budget item).

The jewelry will be paid off on auto-pay by the time I return from my trip in late Sep, it will be the first time that I actually will have "fun money" available to spend - if I want.

I've decided to let the "fun money" sit - no new allocations except, I will use some of it to slowly fill all the slush funds that I've depleted over the last 12 months. I might drop some into my one remaining savings goal or look into investing it (next year) - it will give me an incentive to learn more about finance and money.
By then it will be December and I'll have a good start for 2019.

Thinking about the financial implications of my gazingus pin - it certainly was destructive behavior, self-sabotage if you will. It caused me a great deal of unnecessary anxiety, although it stopped short of actually affecting my savings goals.
The $ impact was not that great, approx $600 this year - nothing compared to what I've spent in the past. 


Rosy

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Re: No Gazingus Pins for 2018!
« Reply #944 on: June 11, 2018, 11:07:58 AM »
 
Quote
And Rosy, now that you have kicked that habit, you seem to be running around trying to come up with other ideas that you can throw that money at, right?  To me, that sounds a lot like it is really the act of spending that is driving you; the stuff you acquire is almost beside the point.  And that is, in the end, self-defeating, and I think exactly the kind of thing that we are in this challenge to get away from.

This is actually another exercise in frugality in disguise - just because you have money doesn't mean you have to spend it or allocate it. That's exactly how Mr. R. operates, it makes me nervous just seeing he has money piling up in his account. He just sees it as "being there" for when he needs/wants it.
He wouldn't even know what to do with a "fun money" budget - when I brought it up, he said, "what would I spend it on? I have/buy what I want already" - which is very little. I bet you can relate to that:)

I see money and want to immediately do something with it - it took me years to convince him to at least put the larger amount in a better interest bank and move $4K in a 2% holiday account. (He's just indulging me, it isn't enough to motivate him)
He's just not interested in wrangling every last dime and doesn't want to be bothered with more than one account. He's pragmatic, which helps alleviate some of my money fears and dispel them enough for me to see clearly. So there is that.

He doesn't mind the ebb and flow in his account - he is secure in the knowledge his next paycheck will hit and he always has enough to meet his expenses.
I never do - I never feel secure when I look at money whether it is $10 or $10K it can be lost overnight, so spending or allocating gives me satisfaction. Spending means I benefitted from it and no one can ever take that away from me again - allocating for a goal means I at least tried to protect myself from what the future may bring and if it works, I may just benefit in the future.

I get all that - but I am not so sure I can walk the walk. I'll revisit in January and see how I feel about it all then - thanks Laura for hammering the point home. It isn't exactly a game changer, long ago, believe it or not, I operated that way.
 
 

MaybeBabyMustache

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Re: No Gazingus Pins for 2018!
« Reply #945 on: June 13, 2018, 07:28:27 AM »
I've enjoyed the recent dialogue, @Rosy  & @Laura33 . For me, when I was struggling more with goal articulation, or really being invested in any of my goals, i had spending money & I spent it most months. Now, I look at extra money (I have a tab on my budget called "sidehustle" & track all of the money I wasn't expecting, & track progress against my unfunded goals for 2018. I get incredibly excited putting a found $25 towards one of our unfunded goals for the year. I don't have any fun money, nor does my husband. Putting money towards unfunded goals is more of a high than buying something was. That said, I do splurge. Mostly on travel & experiences with my friends, family, spouse.

For whatever reason, this was a big epiphany for me around 35. I don't exactly know what changed, but I do know I stopped wanting/needing the fun money in the same way.


Rosy

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Re: No Gazingus Pins for 2018!
« Reply #946 on: June 13, 2018, 11:47:29 AM »
Good point @MaybeBabyMustache
Reading "The Psychology of Money"  reminded me of all the different paths we-the gazingus pin challenged, have taken in our lives.  http://www.collaborativefund.com/blog/the-psychology-of-money/

I particularly liked point #14
14. A tendency to be influenced by the actions of other people who are playing a different financial game than you are.

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Few things matter more with money than understanding your own time horizon and not being persuaded by the actions and behaviors of people playing different games.

This goes beyond investing. How you save, how you spend, what your business strategy is, how you think about money, when you retire, and how you think about risk may all be influenced by the actions and behaviors of people who are playing different games than you are.

Personal finance is deeply personal, and one of the hardest parts is learning from others while realizing that their goals and actions might be miles removed from whatís relevant to your own life.

Laura33

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Re: No Gazingus Pins for 2018!
« Reply #947 on: June 13, 2018, 05:58:32 PM »
He wouldn't even know what to do with a "fun money" budget - when I brought it up, he said, "what would I spend it on? I have/buy what I want already" - which is very little. I bet you can relate to that:)

No!  Not at all!  I want All The Toys!!!  Really.  It's just that for decades, my fear of being poor outweighed my greed.  I needed a big 'stache to feel safe -- but as the 'stache got bigger, I still didn't feel safe, and so the more I felt like I needed to save so that I could finally, one day, be safe.  DH is a spendthrift, and part of what I found secretly appealing was that he basically elbowed me into buying things that I really wanted but would never have gotten for myself. 

The thing is, it all came from a very bad place.  It wasn't that I thought Things don't count; to the contrary, I thought Things were very important -- I was just not worthy of those Things.  It took a bunch of stuff happening to help me learn a better balance, and to learn that I was totally worthy -- it was all those Things that were not worthy of me.  My stepdad dying a few years ago; hitting 50 and realizing that I never had to work again if I didn't want; going through a couple of bouts of depression; etc.  Really probably the latter -- there's nothing like a good depression to strip away all the bullshit, because it makes you realize exactly how meaningless almost everything you have been fretting about is.  It was when I was struggling with all of this a couple of years ago that I found my way to this board and started to really work on getting my behavior and my self-talk in alignment with the things that actually make me happy.  I'm still not there -- I still get a thrill at the idea of someone giving me an expensive present, for example, as if that could possibly measure how much they value me.  But I now have spent enough money on meaningless crap that I do have the life experience to understand that that kind of happiness is fleeting at best.

In any event, huge congrats on meeting your goals!  And I have to admit, I think if I'd been on a huge financial diet for the past year, I'd be blowing money just to blow money too.  :-)
Laugh while you can, monkey-boy

Rosy

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Re: No Gazingus Pins for 2018!
« Reply #948 on: June 15, 2018, 11:42:02 AM »
Quote
there's nothing like a good depression to strip away all the bullshit, because it makes you realize exactly how meaningless almost everything you have been fretting about is.
So it is - so it is:)

Roadrunner53

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Re: No Gazingus Pins for 2018!
« Reply #949 on: June 15, 2018, 11:54:56 AM »
Over the course of about 10 years the Hub and I saved coins and cash in this huge glass water jug. We would throw in $100 bills now and then too. We finally dragged the jug out of the bedroom and it weighted a ton and dumped it then counted the moola. We ended up with $5,000. That was December 2014. I put it away and have not spent it and don't know what to spend it on. I now have a smaller jug with probably around $2,000 in it. Three years of bonus bucks from my Costco Visa card. Then anytime we have soda can returns that money goes in and some loose change and small lotto winnings. I have no idea what to spend this money on. Most of what we buy come out of our yearly income and this is just squirreled away money. Isn't that pathetic to have money kicking around and no idea what to do with it. I do want to keep it as a little nest egg but not sure what for. I am not a big spender and do not desire 'things'. I am in the process of getting rid of crap!

The Hub and I just gave a friend some money towards buying a puppy. She lost her last dog to old age late last year and is now ready for another dog. She has been depressed for mostly money reasons so this will bring her some joy. It is fun to give money to people sometimes! I have no kids so can't enjoy giving them money.