Author Topic: No Gazingus Pins for 2018!  (Read 61213 times)

RetiredAt63

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Re: No Gazingus Pins for 2018!
« Reply #850 on: May 17, 2018, 06:33:05 AM »

I had the fear of God put in me about falling asleep with her on a couch or padded chair. So I only sit up with her in a rocker. Now I just worry if I fall asleep she'd rolling off the pillow and fall. I won't use my phone in MY bed because I have really bad insomnia and don't want to make it worse.


I know we are going OT but, why the worry about falling asleep on a couch or padded chair?  Especially the padded chair.  As I said, we were in an easy chair (padded, big fat arms) and could both fall asleep and we were so well supported (me by the chair, her by me and the pillow) that we never shifted.  And it was so nice to get that sleep!  Have the guidelines changed?  Rockers are great for an unhappy baby, the rocking soothes them, but for middle-of-the-night nursing?
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Re: No Gazingus Pins for 2018!
« Reply #851 on: May 17, 2018, 06:49:35 AM »

I had the fear of God put in me about falling asleep with her on a couch or padded chair. So I only sit up with her in a rocker. Now I just worry if I fall asleep she'd rolling off the pillow and fall. I won't use my phone in MY bed because I have really bad insomnia and don't want to make it worse.


I know we are going OT but, why the worry about falling asleep on a couch or padded chair?  Especially the padded chair.  As I said, we were in an easy chair (padded, big fat arms) and could both fall asleep and we were so well supported (me by the chair, her by me and the pillow) that we never shifted.  And it was so nice to get that sleep!  Have the guidelines changed?  Rockers are great for an unhappy baby, the rocking soothes them, but for middle-of-the-night nursing?


I was told that a couch or cushy chair is one of the most dangerous places for a baby to sleep with parents because of the risk of suffocation.
If you do cosleep the recommendation is that it should only be on a firm bed, low to the floor, with no blankets or pillows.

http://pediatrics.aappublications.org/content/early/2016/10/20/peds.2016-2938

I'll admit, I'm probably even more paranoid about SIDS and infant death because of the loss support groups I am in I know many many women whose otherwise healthy babies have died in their first year of life. Many after the "it's safe now" mark of 4-6 months.

Even at 13 months we don't let her use a blanket overnight, just at naps. (And I still nurse her in the rocking chair at night.)

Rosy

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Re: No Gazingus Pins for 2018!
« Reply #852 on: May 18, 2018, 02:16:45 PM »
@lifejoy , babyjoy will one day treasure the jewelry that you got for your very first Mother's Day - in honor of her!  The necklace and earrings I got for my first Mother's Day will go to my daughter one day.  And if they don't appreciate them, well, fie on them.

I lost May already. The kids begged to go to the bookstore to spend their allowances and I got weak.  I bought 2 books.

I justified this because
a) It was Mother's Day and this was my tangible present to me (the kids washed the car)
b) I didn't buy one last month
c) We're going through some stressful family things and books are my security blanket.
d) The bookstore actually made an effort to stock "African American romance" and shelve it with "regular" romance and I decided it was time to put my money where my mouth is and try one.

I put the third book back on the shelf and will buy it next month.  That decision actually made the mild guilt go away.  I was still purposeful, just not within star-earning guidelines.

I did throw away the Yankee Candle coupons.


@formerlydivorcedmom
You cracked me up:) LOL at all the great excuses, ahem, I mean perfectly good reasons:) - just teasing ya, but I was wondering how much of an impact overall this challenge has had on your book buying so far - two books versus five or ten in any given month? How many total for this year compared to last year?
...  and I love the "still purposeful, just not within star-earning guidelines" explanation. It has merit, but I can't apply it, because it's a slippery slope for me.

I think overall this challenge is proving a success for most of us - maybe not a total win, but hey, baby steps!

I'm more of an all or nothing personality and so I don't intend to enter the "still purposeful, just not star-earning guidelines" territory yet, even though I slipped once, I plan to stick with "no purchases at all" for a while longer.

I'm hoping to make it through May, June to mid July, because I am giving myself carte blanche while on vacation through September, which may mean anything from no purchases to several. Jewelry and gemstones being what they are, I always consider my purchases well and I boosted my budget to include a jewelry purchase if that is what I want to do - depends entirely on what I come across, if anything.

Once I return in late Sep, I'll re-evaluate where I stand. Not really keen on allowing myself a piece of jewelry over the holidays either. To the contrary, I hope to be stronger and not feel deprived, but rather victorious and righteous in my refusal to give into temptation.
The whole idea is for me to stop collecting and accumulating and that is exactly what I intend to do.

Naturally, I may need to allow myself a book, a Macchiato and a piece of Key Lime pie to detract myself from all things shiny:)
We all have our price:)

formerlydivorcedmom

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Re: No Gazingus Pins for 2018!
« Reply #853 on: May 18, 2018, 08:37:27 PM »
@Rosy , your budget will probably be much happier if you just indulge in books and not shiny pretty things.  And when you finish reading them, you can let me borrow them ;)

I am an expert at justifying books and cake (it's way better than Key Lime pie, just saying).

I do not have a great grasp on how much I spent on books last year, because I hid most of the purchases in the grocery budget (bad me!), but I know I decluttered a couple hundred earlier this year.  Generally, I bought at least 1 book a week, sometimes often more if it was a bad a week/my favorite author had a new book/random author I'd never heard of had a new book/ooooo that book cover features a pretty dress.  And that doesn't count the Half-Priced Books runs....because if it's used and half-off it obviously doesn't count.  So....maybe 100 books purchased last year?  Not counting the ones I bought the children.

In 4.5 months this year I've only bought 6 or 7 books for myself (and that includes an accidental cookbook purchase), and I've cut book spending for the children by about 50% (replaced by weekly library runs + their newly discovered willingness to spend their own money if mom doesn't offer).  Yet I've still managed to read 78 books.

I would have to be dead to have a year with zero book purchases, and even that first year postmortem there will probably be a few Amazon preorders get filled.  So this level of mindfulness is unusual for me, and I'm really pleased with how well this challenge is working - for me and for everyone else.  By the end of the year I hope we will all have found a sustainable balance.
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MaybeBabyMustache

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Re: No Gazingus Pins for 2018!
« Reply #854 on: May 19, 2018, 03:02:08 PM »
I don't think I confessed this, but I did buy a gift card in May. I bought a Starbucks coffee gift card that we will use for a road trip. I bought it because it came with a $25 Sephora gift card. Which, I sold, because I don't shop there. So, fail, but I was tempted to then buy something at Sephora, so I avoided that & at least made $20+ on the gift card. So, there's that. But, I could have waited until closer to the road trip & added the money at that time. However, it would have "cost" $20 more then. . . I can't decide if it was a good purchase or not, but it's clearly a slippery slope for me & I'm seeing the justification & realizing that again, I should stick to my plan of only buying gift cards for immediate use.

As a "reality check", I just went in & added up all of our current gift card values. They are over $1K in total. Although, about $250 was a gift from work. But, that's still quite a bit of money to keep in our current budget & not spend. 

Rosy

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Re: No Gazingus Pins for 2018!
« Reply #855 on: May 20, 2018, 11:06:19 AM »
@Rosy , your budget will probably be much happier if you just indulge in books and not shiny pretty things.  And when you finish reading them, you can let me borrow them ;)

I am an expert at justifying books and cake (it's way better than Key Lime pie, just saying).

I do not have a great grasp on how much I spent on books last year, because I hid most of the purchases in the grocery budget (bad me!), but I know I decluttered a couple hundred earlier this year.  Generally, I bought at least 1 book a week, sometimes often more if it was a bad a week/my favorite author had a new book/random author I'd never heard of had a new book/ooooo that book cover features a pretty dress.  And that doesn't count the Half-Priced Books runs....because if it's used and half-off it obviously doesn't count.  So....maybe 100 books purchased last year?  Not counting the ones I bought the children.

In 4.5 months this year I've only bought 6 or 7 books for myself (and that includes an accidental cookbook purchase), and I've cut book spending for the children by about 50% (replaced by weekly library runs + their newly discovered willingness to spend their own money if mom doesn't offer).  Yet I've still managed to read 78 books.

I would have to be dead to have a year with zero book purchases, and even that first year postmortem there will probably be a few Amazon preorders get filled.  So this level of mindfulness is unusual for me, and I'm really pleased with how well this challenge is working - for me and for everyone else.  By the end of the year I hope we will all have found a sustainable balance.

Congrats formerlydivorcedmom - that is truly an excellent result so far!:) only six or seven books, yay - super encouraging too!
True, a book addiction would be cheaper for me to bankroll than a jewelry gemstone addiction, but I already slayed that dragon:). I'm with you on the, "I would have to be dead", not to hang out at the bookstore or buy a book on occasion.

I read roughly 65 books so far this year - about 80% library, 10% used purchases, 10% new. Lately, I've re-discovered the joys of reading time travel books and I am catching up with my educational/money/ society/politics/economics/science reading.
Wish there was a book club for that, just to exchange views because I'm beginning to feel caught in the trap of only following one viewpoint ... never a good thing.

Ah, sustainable balance - that's my problem and I haven't solved it to my satisfaction yet. I'm wondering if there is such a thing as mindful addiction?:) JK Since this is my second attempt at slaying the jewelry collection beast I'm wary of the "sustainability" and I'm hoping that the longer I "keep the lid" on, the stronger I will be in 2019 - so I can end it all.

I find it greatly disturbing that I am struggling at all to curb this unwelcome jewelry addiction - somehow I did not realize when a harmless collection (that I've indulged in without ever going overboard my entire life) slipped into addiction mode. In retrospect, I do know when and why it crossed over into alarming levels, but unfortunately, that knowledge does not translate into successfully quitting cold turkey - tried that, stopped for several months then slowly allowed some purchases - and in no time at all, I was out of control - again.

@MaybeBabyMustache - saving twenty bucks on the gift card purchase would be a winner in my book and given that it was a planned purchase I think you did well.
Looking from the outside in - it doesn't sound like a slippery slope to me - but you know your own temptation levels best. Reign it in if it is the safer approach - the point is to win longterm and develop new habits.
Good going and good luck!
« Last Edit: May 20, 2018, 11:09:02 AM by Rosy »

MaybeBabyMustache

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Re: No Gazingus Pins for 2018!
« Reply #856 on: May 20, 2018, 12:12:28 PM »
@Rosy - today was a deal that fits within my parameters of acceptable. I travel all the time for work, and am able to expense Uber trips to/from the airport. My local grocery store had an offer where buying an Uber gift card earned a grocery store gift card. For fronting $300 of work trips (have a trip coming up on Saturday which will use about 1/2 of the Uber money), I earned $60 in grocery store gift cards. Free grocery money! My parameters around gift card purchases - I must have a plan to use/spend the gift card, and it must be an already budgeted/ planned expense. And, I now force myself to immediately log the spending. For example, if I buy a Subway gift card because it came with a freebie, I must the Subway spend on "dining out", even if it's not spent yet. I find that's the most helpful way to ensure I really want the deal/have the budget for it.

Rosy

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Re: No Gazingus Pins for 2018!
« Reply #857 on: May 21, 2018, 06:34:34 AM »
@Rosy - today was a deal that fits within my parameters of acceptable. I travel all the time for work, and am able to expense Uber trips to/from the airport. My local grocery store had an offer where buying an Uber gift card earned a grocery store gift card. For fronting $300 of work trips (have a trip coming up on Saturday which will use about 1/2 of the Uber money), I earned $60 in grocery store gift cards. Free grocery money! My parameters around gift card purchases - I must have a plan to use/spend the gift card, and it must be an already budgeted/ planned expense. And, I now force myself to immediately log the spending. For example, if I buy a Subway gift card because it came with a freebie, I must the Subway spend on "dining out", even if it's not spent yet. I find that's the most helpful way to ensure I really want the deal/have the budget for it.

Yes, that makes total sense to me and I am impressed. It's almost like a little side gig that you are very good at - just imagine, you are actually not even working for that money, all you are doing is staying alert to deals that will benefit your budget.
I can see how this can quickly spin out of control if you do not set and abide by your own criteria.
Tricky business:) - keeping track and logging your spending is brilliant - it forces your attention towards the spending not just the good deal.


TEN MORE DAYS until our next gold star - hang in there - we can do this!
« Last Edit: May 21, 2018, 06:37:12 AM by Rosy »

lifejoy

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Re: No Gazingus Pins for 2018!
« Reply #858 on: May 23, 2018, 11:15:59 AM »
Strategies?

Avoidance. Avoidance. Avoidance. 


I need to get better at this! It sounds so obvious but it's hard to break habits. Especially when gazingus pins are a source of comfort. Even just looking at them can feel good.

I'm reading "Soulful Simplicity" and it's kind fo helping. I just finished the chapter about how sometimes you have to do things you don't want to do, in order to have the life you want. YEP.

lifejoy

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Re: No Gazingus Pins for 2018!
« Reply #859 on: May 23, 2018, 11:17:07 AM »
Avoidance is definitely helping for my clothes buying, but I need to get better at meal planning so I don't go to the grocery store so often and see treats everywhere.

The one thing I want to buy right now, short boots, is because I want to wear my leggings at work, but I work in a lab, so I have to have my feet covered.  It's in the rules.  Wearing ballet flats with socks tall enough to connect with my leggings looks...odd, we'll say.  I have one pair of red velveteen short boots, which I should probably get rid of because I wear them maybe twice a year, and one pair of "cowboy" short boots.  They're not incredibly comfortable, but I could wear those more often!  I'm glad I'm writing this. 

They might get me through, we'll see.  It helps that I'm also committed to buying well-made, ethically made clothes/shoes if I can't buy secondhand.  It will take me a while to find something that fits the bill AND meets my aesthetic desires.

What I'm hearing from you is that you own two pairs of short boots, and they're not the exact kind you'd like to be rocking... but with some creativity you might be able to use and enjoy them! Do it! Way to think it out :)

lifejoy

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Re: No Gazingus Pins for 2018!
« Reply #860 on: May 23, 2018, 11:18:14 AM »
I think it is easy for me to avoid my gazingus pins when I have time. When I have time I do other things than shop.  When time is the limited resource, and it is coupled with depression (but time limits my ability to get to therapy)- then I struggle.

I actually haven't bought fabric in awhile, but right now I have zero time to sew, so if I want to "enjoy" my hobby, the only way to do it is to shop for fabric. 

(You might ask how I have time to shop. Well, I'm sitting up with a baby from 2 am to 4 am almost every night recently. My phone is the only thing I have. It's too late at night to concentrate on a book even if I wanted to use my Kindle app.)

What about an audiobook with (wireless?) headphones? Keep your mind stimulated? And like, a really easy to follow book? Or music?

lifejoy

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Re: No Gazingus Pins for 2018!
« Reply #861 on: May 23, 2018, 11:21:41 AM »
Hey @lifejoy, there you are! I've not seen much from you lately and was wondering how you are. I now see I just wasn't looking in the right place. Whew! I'm glad you're still around! I hope you and babyjoy are doing well and that there is more sleep for both of you these days.

Hi, Dicey! *Waves hello*! This is pretty much the only corner of MMM that I can manage to keep up with these days. A few factors:

- busy!!!! Babyjoy is 10 months old almost! And crawling like a fiend! Making food for her and me and DH and trying to sort of clean and then also stimulate her mind by taking her places (SOMETIMES) and then sometimes I nap when she naps... the days just fly by.

- spending too much money - sometimes I don't feel like I belong in the MMM world anymore because we are hemorrhaging money.

- tough times: I wish I had a job to go back to, I wish I knew where we were going to live (we have the city figured out, but we're renting a furnished home and I MISS MY STUFF and DH and I are so far apart from each other in terms of what kind of house we'd like to live in / buy).

So yeah. I'm all over the place! Nice to "see" you though.

lifejoy

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Re: No Gazingus Pins for 2018!
« Reply #862 on: May 23, 2018, 11:22:55 AM »
@lifejoy , babyjoy will one day treasure the jewelry that you got for your very first Mother's Day - in honor of her!  The necklace and earrings I got for my first Mother's Day will go to my daughter one day.  And if they don't appreciate them, well, fie on them.

I lost May already.  The kids begged to go to the bookstore to spend their allowances and I got weak.  I bought 2 books.

I justified this because
a) It was Mother's Day and this was my tangible present to me (the kids washed the car)
b) I didn't buy one last month
c) We're going through some stressful family things and books are my security blanket.
d) The bookstore actually made an effort to stock "African American romance" and shelve it with "regular" romance and I decided it was time to put my money where my mouth is and try one.

I put the third book back on the shelf and will buy it next month.  That decision actually made the mild guilt go away.  I was still purposeful, just not within star-earning guidelines.

I did throw away the Yankee Candle coupons.

Putting the third book back, and doing so consciously - that's really rad :)

Sorry about the stressful family stuff. I can relate to the comfort of a gazingus pin during a time of stress. Is it possible that gazingus pins aren't always bad??? I don't know. Maybe it's all in how they're purchased.

lifejoy

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Re: No Gazingus Pins for 2018!
« Reply #863 on: May 23, 2018, 11:24:23 AM »

(You might ask how I have time to shop. Well, I'm sitting up with a baby from 2 am to 4 am almost every night recently. My phone is the only thing I have. It's too late at night to concentrate on a book even if I wanted to use my Kindle app.)

I remember those days.  No smart phones, no temptation. Can you avoid the phone while you are up with baby?  Seriously, the more you avoid, the easier it gets to avoid.
I worry I'd fall asleep on her... I don't know how people did this without phones!

I haven't bought any so far...

Well if she was sick we were both wide awake. Middle of the night nursing we often both fell asleep. Big easy chair, she was well supported, when I  woke up we had not moved.  Plus even if we didn't fall asleep  I was  sleepy enough it was easy to get back to sleep once she was back in bed.

I had the fear of God put in me about falling asleep with her on a couch or padded chair. So I only sit up with her in a rocker. Now I just worry if I fall asleep she'd rolling off the pillow and fall. I won't use my phone in MY bed because I have really bad insomnia and don't want to make it worse.

Collecting is just easier than doing.

So true. And it's a nod to aspirational buying. I know how it goes!

lifejoy

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Re: No Gazingus Pins for 2018!
« Reply #864 on: May 23, 2018, 11:27:00 AM »
The one strategy that works the best for me is:
Chanting:) - silently in my head of course, “I am re-directing my money and it works - I see real $$$ lounging about where I want to see them stacking up - higher and higher”.
(You know that tune, that goes ... higher and higher:)

@lifejoy - wow, I'm impressed you returned a ring:) One step at a time!
1. You asked about insurance - you know the old saying, "If you can't afford to replace it you should insure it?"
At present, my most valuable pieces and one gemstone collection are in a safe deposit box and yes, I have photos, descriptions and invoices, including a chip of my inventory in my emergency folder in case we need to evacuate due to a hurricane.
The plan is to decide on some changes incl. insurance by March 2019.

2. Let me reiterate, I am dead serious about this challenge, my jewelry buying and gemstone collecting days are over for a variety of reasons. It's just that my lizard brain - look shiny - want!!! hasn't quite got the message yet.
It's downright painful to resist and it doesn't make me happy to say NO - but there is such a thing as discipline and common sense and knowing when enough is enough.
My lizard brain will, eventually, get the message  - especially if I promise it the occasional earring down the line if it behaves now so I can reach my other goals in the meantime.

We can dooooo it!!!!!

How often do you wear your bling that lives in the safety deposit box?

I'm loosening up my gazingus pin rules and allowing myself jewellery-related purchases. Such as: appraisals, re-sizing, repairs, etc. It will (presumably) help me appreciate what I have instead of adding to the hoard.

For me, it doesn't really help to think about diverting the money elsewhere because a) it's my fun money, so it's not like I'm diverting it to retirement savings and b) there isn't really anything else I would rather buy. HILARIOUS but true!

lifejoy

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Re: No Gazingus Pins for 2018!
« Reply #865 on: May 23, 2018, 11:29:46 AM »
@lifejoy , babyjoy will one day treasure the jewelry that you got for your very first Mother's Day - in honor of her!  The necklace and earrings I got for my first Mother's Day will go to my daughter one day.  And if they don't appreciate them, well, fie on them.

I lost May already. The kids begged to go to the bookstore to spend their allowances and I got weak.  I bought 2 books.

I justified this because
a) It was Mother's Day and this was my tangible present to me (the kids washed the car)
b) I didn't buy one last month
c) We're going through some stressful family things and books are my security blanket.
d) The bookstore actually made an effort to stock "African American romance" and shelve it with "regular" romance and I decided it was time to put my money where my mouth is and try one.

I put the third book back on the shelf and will buy it next month.  That decision actually made the mild guilt go away.  I was still purposeful, just not within star-earning guidelines.

I did throw away the Yankee Candle coupons.


@formerlydivorcedmom
You cracked me up:) LOL at all the great excuses, ahem, I mean perfectly good reasons:) - just teasing ya, but I was wondering how much of an impact overall this challenge has had on your book buying so far - two books versus five or ten in any given month? How many total for this year compared to last year?
...  and I love the "still purposeful, just not within star-earning guidelines" explanation. It has merit, but I can't apply it, because it's a slippery slope for me.

I think overall this challenge is proving a success for most of us - maybe not a total win, but hey, baby steps!

I'm more of an all or nothing personality and so I don't intend to enter the "still purposeful, just not star-earning guidelines" territory yet, even though I slipped once, I plan to stick with "no purchases at all" for a while longer.

I'm hoping to make it through May, June to mid July, because I am giving myself carte blanche while on vacation through September, which may mean anything from no purchases to several. Jewelry and gemstones being what they are, I always consider my purchases well and I boosted my budget to include a jewelry purchase if that is what I want to do - depends entirely on what I come across, if anything.

Once I return in late Sep, I'll re-evaluate where I stand. Not really keen on allowing myself a piece of jewelry over the holidays either. To the contrary, I hope to be stronger and not feel deprived, but rather victorious and righteous in my refusal to give into temptation.
The whole idea is for me to stop collecting and accumulating and that is exactly what I intend to do.

Naturally, I may need to allow myself a book, a Macchiato and a piece of Key Lime pie to detract myself from all things shiny:)
We all have our price:)

Good observations, Rosy. I, too, am an all-or-nothing person (usually) so it's a major win for me to stay in this challenge despite my earlier slip-ups! May has been a messy month for me but I'm feeling good about June, July, August, September, and October. November will be tricky as it's my birthday and I REALLY want to get myself a piece of bling for my 30th. I mean, c'mon! 30 years! I guess I could wait for my 40th... we'll see.

lifejoy

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Re: No Gazingus Pins for 2018!
« Reply #866 on: May 23, 2018, 11:31:30 AM »
@Rosy , your budget will probably be much happier if you just indulge in books and not shiny pretty things.  And when you finish reading them, you can let me borrow them ;)

I am an expert at justifying books and cake (it's way better than Key Lime pie, just saying).

I do not have a great grasp on how much I spent on books last year, because I hid most of the purchases in the grocery budget (bad me!), but I know I decluttered a couple hundred earlier this year.  Generally, I bought at least 1 book a week, sometimes often more if it was a bad a week/my favorite author had a new book/random author I'd never heard of had a new book/ooooo that book cover features a pretty dress.  And that doesn't count the Half-Priced Books runs....because if it's used and half-off it obviously doesn't count.  So....maybe 100 books purchased last year?  Not counting the ones I bought the children.

In 4.5 months this year I've only bought 6 or 7 books for myself (and that includes an accidental cookbook purchase), and I've cut book spending for the children by about 50% (replaced by weekly library runs + their newly discovered willingness to spend their own money if mom doesn't offer).  Yet I've still managed to read 78 books.

I would have to be dead to have a year with zero book purchases, and even that first year postmortem there will probably be a few Amazon preorders get filled.  So this level of mindfulness is unusual for me, and I'm really pleased with how well this challenge is working - for me and for everyone else.  By the end of the year I hope we will all have found a sustainable balance.

In some ways, controlled spending can be harder than a total cold turkey approach! To not slip down the slippery slope is TOUGH. Sounds like you've been doing really well :) and moving in the right direction!

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Re: No Gazingus Pins for 2018!
« Reply #867 on: May 23, 2018, 11:40:47 AM »
I don't think I confessed this, but I did buy a gift card in May. I bought a Starbucks coffee gift card that we will use for a road trip. I bought it because it came with a $25 Sephora gift card. Which, I sold, because I don't shop there. So, fail, but I was tempted to then buy something at Sephora, so I avoided that & at least made $20+ on the gift card. So, there's that. But, I could have waited until closer to the road trip & added the money at that time. However, it would have "cost" $20 more then. . . I can't decide if it was a good purchase or not, but it's clearly a slippery slope for me & I'm seeing the justification & realizing that again, I should stick to my plan of only buying gift cards for immediate use.

As a "reality check", I just went in & added up all of our current gift card values. They are over $1K in total. Although, about $250 was a gift from work. But, that's still quite a bit of money to keep in our current budget & not spend.

I would be afraid of losing the GCs! And also I've at least once in my life had a GC to a store that then went out of business and I never used it. What a waste!

Sounds like you did a good reality check :)

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Re: No Gazingus Pins for 2018!
« Reply #868 on: May 23, 2018, 11:47:31 AM »
It's been extra hard for me lately. Getting back on track after a few little missteps. TWICE I purchased jewellery and then either returned it almost immediately or cancelled the order pretty much right after making it. So I'm caving but then backpedaling.

GAH. I'm so STRESSED and just kind of dissatisfied! I'm a SAHM who wants to be at work but doesn't have a job and doesn't want to pay strangers to look after baby, and my parents are too far away to babysit on the regular... I'm stressed about house hunting, and I just feel like I have nothing going on. I used to work as a jeweller so shopping for jeweller feels like doing something and relates to my professional aspirations. Anyways I'm going to try and channel this energy into repairs and maintenance of my current collection, as a major goal of mine is to not add to the stash of bling, but to appreciate what I have.

On clothing, I've been doing GREAT. I have a weird and limited variety of socks and underwear, my bras are getting to be too big as my boobs are shrinking (10months postpartum). My nursing tops are also hilariously too big and look bad. I'm dealing with that by sometimes just wearing a regular top and then taking the whole thing off when I have to feed baby. I have a clothing swap to go to on June 2 so I'm staying strong. My daily outfits suck but it feels good to not be mindlessly acquiring more clothes. I even tried on some old work outfits that now fit and it felt awesome and they looked great. I had previously thought I would have to buy a whole new work wardrobe in 2019 but it turns out I'm going to have sufficient options! Hooray! Wish me luck that this clothing swap has some great new finds for me :)

Y'all are doing great, thanks for constantly inspiring me! <3

formerlydivorcedmom

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Re: No Gazingus Pins for 2018!
« Reply #869 on: May 23, 2018, 01:11:34 PM »
Good on you for still nursing, lifejoy!  I wasn't able to do it past about 12 weeks.

I was a miserable SAHM.  I started working part-time from home when baby was 6 months old, and when she turned 9 months old I put her in day care and went back to work 30 hours a week.  It saved my sanity.  I was very very very very fortunate that I found a day care with wonderful people that was run well.  My daughter (and then son) absolutely loved it there.

If you're truly committed to the SAHM life, are you making time to get out of the house and do stuff?  And also to take time for you so that you aren't just "mommy" 24/7?
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Re: No Gazingus Pins for 2018!
« Reply #870 on: May 23, 2018, 01:20:36 PM »
I don't think I confessed this, but I did buy a gift card in May. I bought a Starbucks coffee gift card that we will use for a road trip. I bought it because it came with a $25 Sephora gift card. Which, I sold, because I don't shop there. So, fail, but I was tempted to then buy something at Sephora, so I avoided that & at least made $20+ on the gift card. So, there's that. But, I could have waited until closer to the road trip & added the money at that time. However, it would have "cost" $20 more then. . . I can't decide if it was a good purchase or not, but it's clearly a slippery slope for me & I'm seeing the justification & realizing that again, I should stick to my plan of only buying gift cards for immediate use.

As a "reality check", I just went in & added up all of our current gift card values. They are over $1K in total. Although, about $250 was a gift from work. But, that's still quite a bit of money to keep in our current budget & not spend.

I would be afraid of losing the GCs! And also I've at least once in my life had a GC to a store that then went out of business and I never used it. What a waste!

Sounds like you did a good reality check :)

I keep any gift cards we use on a regular basis in my purse. Things like a spa gift card, I put aside & wait until I'm actually going. And, for Starbucks & the like, you can automatically upload the value straight to the app, so there's no actual gift card to lose. I don't buy gift cards to small/local places, for the reason you just described - too risky!

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Re: No Gazingus Pins for 2018!
« Reply #871 on: May 23, 2018, 04:46:28 PM »
Good on you for still nursing, lifejoy!  I wasn't able to do it past about 12 weeks.

I was a miserable SAHM.  I started working part-time from home when baby was 6 months old, and when she turned 9 months old I put her in day care and went back to work 30 hours a week.  It saved my sanity.  I was very very very very fortunate that I found a day care with wonderful people that was run well.  My daughter (and then son) absolutely loved it there.

If you're truly committed to the SAHM life, are you making time to get out of the house and do stuff?  And also to take time for you so that you aren't just "mommy" 24/7?

Good to hear I'm not alone in nearly going mental as a SAHM with a baby! I love her to bits but I'm a total people person - the isolation can be hard. I get out and I do things but I miss work. And because we moved I don't have a job to go back to, so the uncertainty can be really hard at times. Maybe I could find some work I can do from home. That's not a bad idea! Now that we know we're staying in this city, I'm going to start researching daycares. One step at a time!

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Re: No Gazingus Pins for 2018!
« Reply #872 on: May 24, 2018, 10:09:50 AM »
@lifejoy - no wonder you are so stressed out and looking for comfort in jewelry. You'll feel better about everything once it is all sorted out and you are no longer in limbo.
Having a baby is life changing enough, but moving and still having your things in storage is unsettling, not to mention missing social interaction and work.

30th b-day - by all means, pull all the plugs - it will never come again. You have to celebrate every occasion in life, it is a milestone birthday and hell no, I wouldn't even entertain the thought of no jewelry for this birthday:)
I'm of the firm opinion that we do ourselves a huge disservice by not honoring every milestone, achievement, holiday or other feast-worthy events in our lives.

I once knew a young man about to turn 18 and his mom, his only immediate family, was not planning to honor the occasion. Difficult home situation. He was a bright young man with a promising future, a friend of my son's - so I decided to throw him a party.
He was killed 6 months later - run over on his bicycle on his way to work, the garbage truck driver never saw him.
It made me glad I gave him some joy when I could.

When my son was born we were military, my mom 5000 miles away and his 1000 miles away, way before internet and cell phones and facebook:) The week after he was born my husband was sent to maneuvers for two months. I felt so lonely and isolated and ill-prepared to take care of an infant all by myself.
I was happy to stay home with him for the first year of his life, I think if you can manage that, it is a wonderful gift. I was ready to go back to work too.

Finding a reliable babysitter proved incredibly difficult, by then we were stationed in Germany and DH was always on maneuvers.
Went thru 5 sitters before finding the perfect situation, we had just moved again and the landlord's mother agreed to take him along with her daughters baby - until I found someone reliable:). He stayed with her for three years, she loved him like her own.

He loved her almost more than me - one day when he was four, I yelled at him and he was upset with me - he left the apartment without me noticing immediately (three stories up) walked all the way across the field behind the building up to the road.
My heart stood still for a second - I caught up with him just in time.
He tried to shake off my hand and told me in no uncertain terms he was leaving to go to grandma's.
Rejected by your own - hurts. He said she was much nicer to him than I was, so he was going to live with her. 

Sorry, if I derailed this thread too much - baby talk will do that:)
 

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Re: No Gazingus Pins for 2018!
« Reply #873 on: May 24, 2018, 04:07:01 PM »
Rosy, I agree with you completely about celebrating milestones. We HAVE to mark the grave occasions like sickness and death, no way am I going to pass up celebrating the good things! It’s part of why I had a wedding instead of eloping. If you don’t celebrate, your life is just a series of funerals. Sorry to be morose or macabre but it’s true!

I will do *something* for my 30th. We shall see. Ready to be strong in June, for starters!

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Re: No Gazingus Pins for 2018!
« Reply #874 on: May 24, 2018, 08:06:19 PM »
Quote
Good to hear I'm not alone in nearly going mental as a SAHM with a baby! I love her to bits but I'm a total people person - the isolation can be hard

My best solution to the isolation is to go outside.  First, go for a walk with baby each and every day... you'll meet the dog walkers and the other parents with strollers.  Then, once baby is old enough to start going stir crazy with you, you're off to the race!  Take her to the playground, take her to gyms, meet other moms and set up a playgroup or babysitting swap if none exists already (I bet you would be very good at that, you've been so good at hosting our gazingus pin group!) Later on, there are other parents to meet through classes, schools, and sports.

Most of the friends I speak to on a daily basis were made through my kids... I'm much more social than I used to be on account of them!

formerlydivorcedmom

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Re: No Gazingus Pins for 2018!
« Reply #875 on: May 25, 2018, 10:39:40 AM »
To continue the OT chat - I moved while I was pregnant, so like you, lifejoy, I didn't know anyone and was alone in a new town.  It was sooooooo hard.  I think I'd be better at it now that I have a village, and now that the kids are older (8-12).  "Woof" and "mamamama" are not enough verbal interaction for a day.

My best solution to the isolation is to go outside.  First, go for a walk with baby each and every day... you'll meet the dog walkers and the other parents with strollers.  Then, once baby is old enough to start going stir crazy with you, you're off to the race!  Take her to the playground, take her to gyms, meet other moms and set up a playgroup or babysitting swap if none exists already (I bet you would be very good at that, you've been so good at hosting our gazingus pin group!) Later on, there are other parents to meet through classes, schools, and sports.

Most of the friends I speak to on a daily basis were made through my kids... I'm much more social than I used to be on account of them!

Like Poundwise, my friends, for the most part, are moms I met after the kids were in school and/or former neighbors with kids close to their ages.  Plus a few wives of my husband's friends and the occasional work colleague who became a true friend.  If I had it to do over again, I would spend money to join mommy groups - our area has Strollercycles and other programs like that.  Back then I was too introverted to make the first move to speak to people.  Eventually, I decided I was too lonely not to, so one day when we were walking the neighborhood I saw another mom with a daughter the age of mine, introduced myself, and said "I think we ought to be friends."  She was even more introverted than I was and was happy to be adopted.

It's a LOT of work to build a social circle in a new area with a baby.  I spent a lot of money on my gazingus pins when I was home alone and bored.  (see, I did tie it back to the topic!)
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chaskavitch

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Re: No Gazingus Pins for 2018!
« Reply #876 on: May 27, 2018, 07:21:09 AM »
Avoidance is definitely helping for my clothes buying, but I need to get better at meal planning so I don't go to the grocery store so often and see treats everywhere.

The one thing I want to buy right now, short boots, is because I want to wear my leggings at work, but I work in a lab, so I have to have my feet covered.  It's in the rules.  Wearing ballet flats with socks tall enough to connect with my leggings looks...odd, we'll say.  I have one pair of red velveteen short boots, which I should probably get rid of because I wear them maybe twice a year, and one pair of "cowboy" short boots.  They're not incredibly comfortable, but I could wear those more often!  I'm glad I'm writing this. 

They might get me through, we'll see.  It helps that I'm also committed to buying well-made, ethically made clothes/shoes if I can't buy secondhand.  It will take me a while to find something that fits the bill AND meets my aesthetic desires.

What I'm hearing from you is that you own two pairs of short boots, and they're not the exact kind you'd like to be rocking... but with some creativity you might be able to use and enjoy them! Do it! Way to think it out :)

That's exactly what I'm saying :)  The only issue I ran into last week was that it's hard to bike in my faux-cowboy boots, and they didn't fit into my normal biking bag.  Solution - wear an actual backpack next time!

lifejoy

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Re: No Gazingus Pins for 2018!
« Reply #877 on: May 29, 2018, 09:30:37 AM »
I’m reading a book and it said something like, “more leads to more”. More clutter leads to more clutter. More purchases lead to more purchases. It’s so true (for me). I always think if I buy this one ring or these shoes, then I’m DONE, I’ll have completed my need to collect. But it’s not true! Paring down leads to me appreciating more, and to wanting less.

Anyways almost June :)
Looking forward to giving out stars!!! You guys rock!

Still proud that I returned a $2k ring. Kept a $300 ring because returning it wasn’t going to be easy. Cancelled a $1000 gem purchase. I’m getting back on track.

Might give myself an April star because the $2k ring was bought then and I returned it, sooooo... yeah.

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Re: No Gazingus Pins for 2018!
« Reply #878 on: May 29, 2018, 10:08:57 PM »
I think what got me over my jewelry problem especially rings was the realization that after awhile I would be tired of it and not wear it.  Then I would tend to wear my favorites again. So now when I have a urge I cannot overcome I either buy reasonable diamonique or just costume jewelry under 100.

formerlydivorcedmom

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Re: No Gazingus Pins for 2018!
« Reply #879 on: May 30, 2018, 07:46:50 AM »
I like the "more leads to more" way of putting this.    I'm sorting decades worth of family pictures right now, and I've noticed that the more pictures there are of a certain event (like Christmas 1982), the more of them I tend to keep.  Not because they are great pictures, but because someone took the time to take So.Very.Many pictures so obviously they have value...but they don't.  The more I have to sort through, the more I tend to keep because it's too draining to make so many decisions in a thoughtful way.

I guess that's why it is so much easier to get rid of things during the second or third or fourth round of purging - because less may also lead to less.  Because the fewer items you have, the easier it is to determine if it truly has value to you.

An on another note, I made the very happy discovery yesterday that my library has started a paperback book exchange.  I can bring in books I don't want anymore and trade them for other paperbacks.  For free.  This is going to be a huge help to me in keeping my book buying down.  New-to-me books that can live in my house without increasing the size of my library or costing me money.

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lifejoy

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Re: No Gazingus Pins for 2018!
« Reply #880 on: May 30, 2018, 12:36:21 PM »
I like the "more leads to more" way of putting this.    I'm sorting decades worth of family pictures right now, and I've noticed that the more pictures there are of a certain event (like Christmas 1982), the more of them I tend to keep.  Not because they are great pictures, but because someone took the time to take So.Very.Many pictures so obviously they have value...but they don't.  The more I have to sort through, the more I tend to keep because it's too draining to make so many decisions in a thoughtful way.

I guess that's why it is so much easier to get rid of things during the second or third or fourth round of purging - because less may also lead to less.  Because the fewer items you have, the easier it is to determine if it truly has value to you.

An on another note, I made the very happy discovery yesterday that my library has started a paperback book exchange.  I can bring in books I don't want anymore and trade them for other paperbacks.  For free.  This is going to be a huge help to me in keeping my book buying down.  New-to-me books that can live in my house without increasing the size of my library or costing me money.

Wow so cool about the book exchange!

And yes - less leads to less. And also concentrates the appreciation for and of each item.

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Re: No Gazingus Pins for 2018!
« Reply #881 on: May 31, 2018, 12:10:36 AM »
Avoidance is definitely helping for my clothes buying, but I need to get better at meal planning so I don't go to the grocery store so often and see treats everywhere.

The one thing I want to buy right now, short boots, is because I want to wear my leggings at work, but I work in a lab, so I have to have my feet covered.  It's in the rules.  Wearing ballet flats with socks tall enough to connect with my leggings looks...odd, we'll say.  I have one pair of red velveteen short boots, which I should probably get rid of because I wear them maybe twice a year, and one pair of "cowboy" short boots.  They're not incredibly comfortable, but I could wear those more often!  I'm glad I'm writing this. 

They might get me through, we'll see.  It helps that I'm also committed to buying well-made, ethically made clothes/shoes if I can't buy secondhand.  It will take me a while to find something that fits the bill AND meets my aesthetic desires.

What I'm hearing from you is that you own two pairs of short boots, and they're not the exact kind you'd like to be rocking... but with some creativity you might be able to use and enjoy them! Do it! Way to think it out :)

That's exactly what I'm saying :)  The only issue I ran into last week was that it's hard to bike in my faux-cowboy boots, and they didn't fit into my normal biking bag.  Solution - wear an actual backpack next time!

“I truly believe that  doing more with your person style starts with loving (and reinventing) what you already have and buying less. - “Classic Style” by Kate Schelter

You’re doing it! :D

lifejoy

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Re: No Gazingus Pins for 2018!
« Reply #882 on: May 31, 2018, 12:11:11 AM »
I think what got me over my jewelry problem especially rings was the realization that after awhile I would be tired of it and not wear it.  Then I would tend to wear my favorites again. So now when I have a urge I cannot overcome I either buy reasonable diamonique or just costume jewelry under 100.

Perhaps something like that will be my ultimate end goal.

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Re: No Gazingus Pins for 2018!
« Reply #883 on: May 31, 2018, 12:49:18 AM »
My goodness yes - "more leads to more"!

More leads to the feeling of A Collection which then has the illusion of completion but also further splintering of categories to create new holes that suddenly need filling. I am thinking of purging my bags because I have been using the same one or two bags for the last 6 months. It is probably time to get rid of all the bags I bought thinking this would be the One True Bag that would meet all my needs and obviously turned out not to be, because I'm not using it NOW. [old gazingus pins, man]

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Re: No Gazingus Pins for 2018!
« Reply #884 on: May 31, 2018, 06:59:53 AM »
My goodness yes - "more leads to more"!

More leads to the feeling of A Collection which then has the illusion of completion but also further splintering of categories to create new holes that suddenly need filling. I am thinking of purging my bags because I have been using the same one or two bags for the last 6 months. It is probably time to get rid of all the bags I bought thinking this would be the One True Bag that would meet all my needs and obviously turned out not to be, because I'm not using it NOW. [old gazingus pins, man]

Oh yes. Your description of a collection is exactly my issue with jewelry. Less so with clothing because I’ve learned that I’ll never ever feel satisfied or “done” when it comes to clothes.

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Re: No Gazingus Pins for 2018!
« Reply #885 on: May 31, 2018, 09:43:54 AM »
Just popping by to say that I did not cave this month - no books purchased in May! (Well, assuming I make it all day today but I'm feeling pretty confident. I'll stop by and fess up if for some reason I'm ringing the bell early...)

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Re: No Gazingus Pins for 2018!
« Reply #886 on: May 31, 2018, 09:49:22 AM »
I get a star for May too :)

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Re: No Gazingus Pins for 2018!
« Reply #887 on: May 31, 2018, 09:55:34 AM »
May was a success -- I bought one book for book club because all the library copies were taken out and couldn't be recalled before the book club date. :( Bless that loophole.

Overall, it feels really good to not have my library growing so much, and to even have a few books leaving!

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Re: No Gazingus Pins for 2018!
« Reply #888 on: May 31, 2018, 12:04:44 PM »
@zeli2033  and @diapasoun , part of me is very jealous that you made it through the month, but the part of me that just finished my Lisa Kleypas book is very happy I caved ;)

I'm happy that June is almost here so I can start again.
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Re: No Gazingus Pins for 2018!
« Reply #889 on: May 31, 2018, 01:15:44 PM »
I think what got me over my jewelry problem especially rings was the realization that after awhile I would be tired of it and not wear it.  Then I would tend to wear my favorites again. So now when I have a urge I cannot overcome I either buy reasonable diamonique or just costume jewelry under 100.

Perhaps something like that will be my ultimate end goal.

The problem I have with that is that I'm not into costume jewelry or Diamonique, mostly because it turns black or green on me or the plating rubs off.
Picked up the cutest earrings on sale - black earlobes, ugh!
Over time I found that I spent on average ~$400 in a year for cheap jewelry, 80% of which had already turned black or the plating peeled off or I lost/broke one of the earrings.
Inevitably - I do spend around $50 every year around the holidays at Dillard's costume jewelry counter, but even their stuff turns black on me or rubs off. So I am not totally immune, but I do sigh when I see another piece turned black and money thrown out the window.

I have a friend who claims to be allergic to silver so hubby will buy her gold instead:) - not a bad idea, n'est pas?:)


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Re: No Gazingus Pins for 2018!
« Reply #890 on: May 31, 2018, 01:28:48 PM »
Haha oh rosy, I’m allergic to cheap jewellery, too ;)

Haha ok maybe not LITERALLY...

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Re: No Gazingus Pins for 2018!
« Reply #891 on: May 31, 2018, 01:54:49 PM »
I accidently bought a book last week (seriously) :)
 
My SO had a book launch and I wanted to pick up a copy for my parents as well as support the local bookstore who set up a table.
The book isn't for me, but it surprised me that I totally forgot I wasn't supposed to be buying anything!

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Re: No Gazingus Pins for 2018!
« Reply #892 on: June 01, 2018, 02:24:33 AM »
I need a star for May too!  No more tools last month!

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Re: No Gazingus Pins for 2018!
« Reply #893 on: June 01, 2018, 05:56:00 AM »
I get a star for May - temptations resisted.  And there were temptations.  ;-(

Costume jewellery earrings are out for me, my earlobes swell.  And then I can't wear any earrings (holes are blocked by the swelling).  I'm not tempted to buy more because the ones I see in the stores are not as nice/interesting as the ones I already have.
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Re: No Gazingus Pins for 2018!
« Reply #894 on: June 01, 2018, 11:01:02 AM »
I accidently bought a book last week (seriously) :)
 

My SO had a book launch and I wanted to pick up a copy for my parents as well as support the local bookstore who set up a table.
The book isn't for me, but it surprised me that I totally forgot I wasn't supposed to be buying anything!

Too funny Serendip:) - mindless spending override - temporarily disengaged, happens to me all the time:)

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Re: No Gazingus Pins for 2018!
« Reply #895 on: June 01, 2018, 11:40:18 AM »
I get a star for May - temptations resisted.  And there were temptations.  ;-(

Great job!! and great job to you too, middo!

As for me-- no star!  I fell early in the month, and yesterday while buying some lovely and much-needed summer skirts for myself, I also bought a "mystery gift" which will probably be... yarn. 
« Last Edit: June 01, 2018, 11:56:45 AM by Poundwise »

Rosy

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Re: No Gazingus Pins for 2018!
« Reply #896 on: June 01, 2018, 01:26:42 PM »
@lifejoy - no star for me for May.

This will sound weird, but I had a breakthrough, I'm done. Not quite sure how to explain it and not sure whether I should drop out of the challenge or continue.

The breakthrough.
I realized that the constant painful examination as to why I'm having such a hard time with this gemstone/jewelry collection/obsession - irrational overspending which makes no sense, has helped me discover the why that I'd rather not expose to the sunlight.
Admitting - means dealing with and I've struggled with that for a couple of months already.

You touched on many things in these past months.
Ultimately for me, the dark side is money and status and the inability to make peace with what is.
It doesn't matter that I love gemstones or that I've loved jewelry since I was four and had my ears pierced for my first gold earrings.
The question is/was why did this turn into an obsession after over fifty years of only occasionally acquiring a piece here and there?

This obsession started during a time of depression, which came with the immune disorder which forced me into early semi-retirement.
There is also a component of failing to come to terms with some bitter truths in my life.
My family was wealthy and lost it all, the proverbial poor relations. The ups and downs in my own life were extreme and led to extreme consequences.

So what is one to do when one is out of time and energy to fix things? Well, fix your perspective for one thing and that is where MMM, in general, has been beyond helpful, it opened my eyes in a way that has worked wonders in many areas of my life.
But this craving for jewelry/gemstones would not go away no matter what, it was detrimental to my financial health and interfered with my goals and still I continued with my obsession. I hated myself for being so weak.
 
In any case, there has been a shift, something clicked and I feel free - relief.
This messy ball of life experiences is resolved to the point, that meh, I'm good.
Time to move forward.

Oh and no star, because I pulled my "potentially allowed pre-planned gemstone purchase" list and bought several pieces at auction. The list has been dramatically reduced to three items and I'm in no hurry to buy anything else anytime soon - maybe I'll just throw my list away.
I will not include a gemstone/jewelry budget in my upcoming trip either - no need.
Obsession over, no burning desires - rational thought has returned.

I am so done - I know it in my bones - thank you everyone, and especially you lifejoy for your thoughts and comments and support.
This has been a long journey, about five years and it was never about the jewelry.


RetiredAt63

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Re: No Gazingus Pins for 2018!
« Reply #897 on: June 01, 2018, 07:18:01 PM »

I am so done - I know it in my bones - thank you everyone, and especially you lifejoy for your thoughts and comments and support.
This has been a long journey, about five years and it was never about the jewelry.

That is so insightful, and I am glad you have reached this place.

I would bet that for most of us on this thread, it was never about the gazingus pin.
The measure of civilization is how people treat one another.

http://forum.mrmoneymustache.com/meetups-and-social-events/ontario's-own-camp-mustache-2017/ - MEET US THERE!

mspym

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Re: No Gazingus Pins for 2018!
« Reply #898 on: June 01, 2018, 11:43:04 PM »
Rosy - I am so happy for you. It's a weird and freeing feeling when an obsession goes *poof*, I hope you enjoy the heck out of it.

diapasoun

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Re: No Gazingus Pins for 2018!
« Reply #899 on: June 02, 2018, 03:38:20 AM »

I am so done - I know it in my bones - thank you everyone, and especially you lifejoy for your thoughts and comments and support.
This has been a long journey, about five years and it was never about the jewelry.

That is so insightful, and I am glad you have reached this place.

I would bet that for most of us on this thread, it was never about the gazingus pin.

Agreed. Gazingus pins are so rarely about the gazingus pin.

Congrats on this breakthrough, Rosy.