@lifejoy - no star for me for May.
This will sound weird, but I had a breakthrough, I'm done. Not quite sure how to explain it and not sure whether I should drop out of the challenge or continue.
The breakthrough.
I realized that the constant painful examination as to why I'm having such a hard time with this gemstone/jewelry collection/obsession - irrational overspending which makes no sense, has helped me discover the why that I'd rather not expose to the sunlight.
Admitting - means dealing with and I've struggled with that for a couple of months already.
You touched on many things in these past months.
Ultimately for me, the dark side is money and status and the inability to make peace with what is.
It doesn't matter that I love gemstones or that I've loved jewelry since I was four and had my ears pierced for my first gold earrings.
The question is/was why did this turn into an obsession after over fifty years of only occasionally acquiring a piece here and there?
This obsession started during a time of depression, which came with the immune disorder which forced me into early semi-retirement.
There is also a component of failing to come to terms with some bitter truths in my life.
My family was wealthy and lost it all, the proverbial poor relations. The ups and downs in my own life were extreme and led to extreme consequences.
So what is one to do when one is out of time and energy to fix things? Well, fix your perspective for one thing and that is where MMM, in general, has been beyond helpful, it opened my eyes in a way that has worked wonders in many areas of my life.
But this craving for jewelry/gemstones would not go away no matter what, it was detrimental to my financial health and interfered with my goals and still I continued with my obsession. I hated myself for being so weak.
In any case, there has been a shift, something clicked and I feel free - relief.
This messy ball of life experiences is resolved to the point, that meh, I'm good.
Time to move forward.
Oh and no star, because I pulled my "potentially allowed pre-planned gemstone purchase" list and bought several pieces at auction. The list has been dramatically reduced to three items and I'm in no hurry to buy anything else anytime soon - maybe I'll just throw my list away.
I will not include a gemstone/jewelry budget in my upcoming trip either - no need.
Obsession over, no burning desires - rational thought has returned.
I am so done - I know it in my bones - thank you everyone, and especially you lifejoy for your thoughts and comments and support.
This has been a long journey, about five years and it was never about the jewelry.