Design Your Life!

[Tasse]

Honestly, the process of switching to bike commuting was a big one for me. Whenever I have to drive somewhere now I'm struck by how boring it is, how often I'm just sitting still in 2000 pounds of metal. By combining my commute with my exercise it actually saves time. Now it just needs to stop raining/I need to accept getting wet so I can actually do it all week.

The biggest time sink in my life is the addictive circle of web checking (which includes this site). Still waiting on Digital Minimalism. I've found quitting cold turkey just motivates me to get around my blocks, so I'm trying to phase out the sinks gradually.

I'll pay more attention to this question as I go through today!

[Budgie]

I'm not sure if this will be thread hijacking, but what meaningless task in your life do you repeat multiple times?  On a trivial note,  I realize that I microwave my tea several times a day because it cools before I have a chance to finish (or sometimes, start) drinking it.  And what could be done to solve this?

On a more useful basis, what are time sinks in your life?

Without a doubt, the largest time sink of my adult life was maintaining my house and garden. Our house was average sized, about 50 years old, and our yard was large-ish. We were both avid gardeners. If you had asked me five years ago whether I would ever want to ditch the house and garden I'd have said no. But...

Now I live in an apartment--no maintenance at all, and it takes less than an hour of cleaning per weekend. I do my gardening at a community garden which means I am only giving up time during the growing season itself--not maintaining a half acre property year round so that I can grow stuff for 4 months, and not maintaining a bunch of rooms that people no longer live in (kids are grown). It's heavenly. Every week I feel like someone walked up and handed me about 8 free hours.

I'm not going to live in an apartment forever, but this experience has made me very leery of ever returning to the kind of home and yard upkeep situation I was in for @15 years and I'm so glad I had this learning episode.

Day to day, my biggest time sink is texting my friends. It would be faster to just call and have a conversation, and in truth a lot of what we are saying could wait until we are face to face, or be skipped altogether.

[Tris Prior]

PTF. I'm nowhere near FIRE but I've had a vague sense of dissatisfaction about my life for a while. Objectively, I'm pretty blessed, and many things in my life are working. But I feel like I keep putting things I enjoy or want to do more of on hold (for time or money reasons, or, if I'm being perfectly honest, because my partner is somewhat passive and bound by inertia and I think that rubs off on me sometimes).

I am tired of the go to work/come home/deal with cats/deal with food/collapse on couch in front of TV/immediately fall asleep treadmill. We've had an especially bad winter, so that contributed a lot to me not doing things I enjoy because I didn't want to leave the house and deal with public transport or walking somewhere in brutal weather conditions (I don't have a car). But now it's consistently above freezing so I don't have that excuse any more.

I put the "design your life" book on hold at the library today and look forward to checking it out.

My biggest time sink without a doubt is dealing with food. Does anyone else feel like it just takes so much mental energy? For us: Grocery shopping with no car, so walking to and from while pushing a cart, meal-planning meals that are healthy and not cheesy and carby that I can actually force myself to eat but won't make me gain weight, the actual act of cooking which I have always hated.

We signed up for Instacart during the polar vortex and used it a couple times but it got costly due to our tendency to leave huge tips out of guilt, and we generally feel lazy for using it unless it's genuinely dangerous to go outside. In which case we feel bad for making a driver go out in dangerous conditions! I don't know; it's a significant time savings for us so maybe I should go back to it but that little voice in my head keeps telling me, "really, are you THAT bougie that you cannot shop for your own food?"

I spent most of the winter batch-cooking on weekends but now that it's getting nicer out I would like to not spend every weekend dealing with food in some fashion. Like, this weekend we actually have plans both days and my first thought upon realizing this was "shit! When am I going to deal with food?"

[JanetJackson]

PTF. I'm nowhere near FIRE but I've had a vague sense of dissatisfaction about my life for a while. Objectively, I'm pretty blessed, and many things in my life are working. But I feel like I keep putting things I enjoy or want to do more of on hold (for time or money reasons, or, if I'm being perfectly honest, because my partner is somewhat passive and bound by inertia and I think that rubs off on me sometimes).

I am tired of the go to work/come home/deal with cats/deal with food/collapse on couch in front of TV/immediately fall asleep treadmill. We've had an especially bad winter, so that contributed a lot to me not doing things I enjoy because I didn't want to leave the house and deal with public transport or walking somewhere in brutal weather conditions (I don't have a car). But now it's consistently above freezing so I don't have that excuse any more.

I put the "design your life" book on hold at the library today and look forward to checking it out.

My biggest time sink without a doubt is dealing with food. Does anyone else feel like it just takes so much mental energy? For us: Grocery shopping with no car, so walking to and from while pushing a cart, meal-planning meals that are healthy and not cheesy and carby that I can actually force myself to eat but won't make me gain weight, the actual act of cooking which I have always hated.

We signed up for Instacart during the polar vortex and used it a couple times but it got costly due to our tendency to leave huge tips out of guilt, and we generally feel lazy for using it unless it's genuinely dangerous to go outside. In which case we feel bad for making a driver go out in dangerous conditions! I don't know; it's a significant time savings for us so maybe I should go back to it but that little voice in my head keeps telling me, "really, are you THAT bougie that you cannot shop for your own food?"

I spent most of the winter batch-cooking on weekends but now that it's getting nicer out I would like to not spend every weekend dealing with food in some fashion. Like, this weekend we actually have plans both days and my first thought upon realizing this was "shit! When am I going to deal with food?"

I absolutely ABSOLUTELY feel you on this one.
Occasionally I get excited about cooking or baking something, but typically it's just a means to an end.  I need to eat something healthy so that I can stay alive and thrive and I do not want to have to think about it very much.

What I have found has been REALLY helpful for me... hear me out on this... are little microwavable meals. 
I found some at my local Lidl that are based on indian cuisine, and moderately healthy.  There are others that I might add some broccoli to (to make them a bit more rounded nutritionally), but are otherwise pretty healthy AND the trays are recyclable.
I kind of had to "give myself permission" to buy these and use them through the week, but they have really helped me save time and kitchen clean up on busy work days.  I still cook on the weekends/days off. 
I think they probably return about 45 minutes to me each day, maybe 5 days per week, which is pretty good!  That's 3+ hours each week that I can be doing something else.

Just a thought! :)

[Linea_Norway]

PTF. I'm nowhere near FIRE but I've had a vague sense of dissatisfaction about my life for a while. Objectively, I'm pretty blessed, and many things in my life are working. But I feel like I keep putting things I enjoy or want to do more of on hold (for time or money reasons, or, if I'm being perfectly honest, because my partner is somewhat passive and bound by inertia and I think that rubs off on me sometimes).

I am tired of the go to work/come home/deal with cats/deal with food/collapse on couch in front of TV/immediately fall asleep treadmill. We've had an especially bad winter, so that contributed a lot to me not doing things I enjoy because I didn't want to leave the house and deal with public transport or walking somewhere in brutal weather conditions (I don't have a car). But now it's consistently above freezing so I don't have that excuse any more.

I put the "design your life" book on hold at the library today and look forward to checking it out.

My biggest time sink without a doubt is dealing with food. Does anyone else feel like it just takes so much mental energy? For us: Grocery shopping with no car, so walking to and from while pushing a cart, meal-planning meals that are healthy and not cheesy and carby that I can actually force myself to eat but won't make me gain weight, the actual act of cooking which I have always hated.

We signed up for Instacart during the polar vortex and used it a couple times but it got costly due to our tendency to leave huge tips out of guilt, and we generally feel lazy for using it unless it's genuinely dangerous to go outside. In which case we feel bad for making a driver go out in dangerous conditions! I don't know; it's a significant time savings for us so maybe I should go back to it but that little voice in my head keeps telling me, "really, are you THAT bougie that you cannot shop for your own food?"

I spent most of the winter batch-cooking on weekends but now that it's getting nicer out I would like to not spend every weekend dealing with food in some fashion. Like, this weekend we actually have plans both days and my first thought upon realizing this was "shit! When am I going to deal with food?"

I absolutely ABSOLUTELY feel you on this one.
Occasionally I get excited about cooking or baking something, but typically it's just a means to an end.  I need to eat something healthy so that I can stay alive and thrive and I do not want to have to think about it very much.

What I have found has been REALLY helpful for me... hear me out on this... are little microwavable meals. 
I found some at my local Lidl that are based on indian cuisine, and moderately healthy.  There are others that I might add some broccoli to (to make them a bit more rounded nutritionally), but are otherwise pretty healthy AND the trays are recyclable.
I kind of had to "give myself permission" to buy these and use them through the week, but they have really helped me save time and kitchen clean up on busy work days.  I still cook on the weekends/days off. 
I think they probably return about 45 minutes to me each day, maybe 5 days per week, which is pretty good!  That's 3+ hours each week that I can be doing something else.

Just a thought! :)

Our grocery stores sell frozen meals that contain a lot of veggies, some meat, pasta or rice and sauce. They are also quite healthy and I have used them occasionally in periods with little time or energi.

[jaysee]

I have biased my lifestyle toward minimal spending, minimal responsibility, maximal time, maximal freedom and maximal travel.

Things that've worked well for me so far. Take from it what you will.

• Staying single with no kids. Means maximal time and money and minimal commitments or responsibilities.
• Contracting rather than permanent employment. Means I get to work in a variety of companies and build my skills. Again, minimal responsibilities. Also easy to get out of a toxic work environment by quitting and taking a new contract.
• Living in a cheap rented room. I don't even rent an apartment, just a room in a house or townhouse. This means I'm essentially guaranteed shelter for life, as my yearly rental costs are a tiny, tiny fraction of my earnings and my overall net worth (definitely less than 4%). And renting is less responsibility, as it's easy to clean just one room and all repairs are taken care of by the landlord.
• Exercising every morning. Gym costs hardly anything in relation to my income, and it's a nice, motivating, energising environment to begin the day in. I try to get up early so I can spend a solid hour. I don't just lift weights, but also do some stretching, some meditation, listen to a podcast, and just generally "get in the zone" for the day.
• Eating clean. By paying attention to my diet, I not only eat healthier, but also spend less on food and get more nutrition per dollar. Just two examples: instead of spending £2.50 on a McMuffin, I spend only £0.25 on a much healthier porridge, seeds and peanut butter combo (fibre, antioxidants); instead of £5 for a take-away lunch, I spend £0.50 on a healthy tin of sardines (Calcium, Vit. D, Omega oils).
• Travelling. While I'm under 35 years of age, I'm taking advantage of every youth visa / work permit program I can find. Currently working abroad in the UK, and planning to work in Ireland, Amsterdam, Canada, USA and New Zealand in the future. Travelling and working seems like a good deal to me, as I can continue wealth accumulation, but still enjoy the change of scenery, and can always afford to take a month or two off work to just explore a new location.
• Gadgets. I've found it worthwhile to put down a bit extra $ for some good quality gadgets that I use every day. While a lot of things in this world are overvalued (homes, brand new cars) I think tech gadgets are often a fair deal, given the much lower price point. So I thought it was worthwhile to drop a couple grand on a quality Macbook, which I use every day. Same deal for my iPhone, my shaver, my electric toothbrush, my backpack, my headphones, etc. All top brands, top quality gear, with excellent warranties so I don't have to fuss about repairs. These gadgets substantially improve my quality of life without making a dent in my net worth.

[jaysee]

Our grocery stores sell frozen meals that contain a lot of veggies, some meat, pasta or rice and sauce. They are also quite healthy and I have used them occasionally in periods with little time or energi.

Nice idea! I've been doing the same, except with fridge rather than frozen meals, as that's my store has.

(I checked the ingredients in the pre-prepared meal I buy most often, and was surprised and delighted to see no sugar or preservatives.)

So for dinner, I buy the fridge meal (400 calories), plus a 500g pack of veggies (broccoli & cauliflower or brussels sprouts), plus some frozen fruit and small flavoured yogurt (non-sugar). Highly nutritious and reasonably healthy.

Works out to about £4.15 for a 600 calorie dinner and dessert.

A little more compared to what I'd pay if I spent an hour cooking every day, but while I'm working full-time on a high income, I consider my time much more valuable than £2 p/hour, so it works for me.

Store-bought meals seem to be constantly getting better too. For the same price, I think these days the offerings are much healthier, more nutritious and tastier than 5 years ago.

I figure it's worth spending a little more on something like a store-bought meal when the overall cost isn't high, it saves you time and it's constantly improving. (All of the above are completely *not* true of homes and cars!)

[AnnaGrowsAMustache]

PTF. I'm nowhere near FIRE but I've had a vague sense of dissatisfaction about my life for a while. Objectively, I'm pretty blessed, and many things in my life are working. But I feel like I keep putting things I enjoy or want to do more of on hold (for time or money reasons, or, if I'm being perfectly honest, because my partner is somewhat passive and bound by inertia and I think that rubs off on me sometimes).

I am tired of the go to work/come home/deal with cats/deal with food/collapse on couch in front of TV/immediately fall asleep treadmill. We've had an especially bad winter, so that contributed a lot to me not doing things I enjoy because I didn't want to leave the house and deal with public transport or walking somewhere in brutal weather conditions (I don't have a car). But now it's consistently above freezing so I don't have that excuse any more.

I put the "design your life" book on hold at the library today and look forward to checking it out.

My biggest time sink without a doubt is dealing with food. Does anyone else feel like it just takes so much mental energy? For us: Grocery shopping with no car, so walking to and from while pushing a cart, meal-planning meals that are healthy and not cheesy and carby that I can actually force myself to eat but won't make me gain weight, the actual act of cooking which I have always hated.

We signed up for Instacart during the polar vortex and used it a couple times but it got costly due to our tendency to leave huge tips out of guilt, and we generally feel lazy for using it unless it's genuinely dangerous to go outside. In which case we feel bad for making a driver go out in dangerous conditions! I don't know; it's a significant time savings for us so maybe I should go back to it but that little voice in my head keeps telling me, "really, are you THAT bougie that you cannot shop for your own food?"

I spent most of the winter batch-cooking on weekends but now that it's getting nicer out I would like to not spend every weekend dealing with food in some fashion. Like, this weekend we actually have plans both days and my first thought upon realizing this was "shit! When am I going to deal with food?"

I absolutely ABSOLUTELY feel you on this one.
Occasionally I get excited about cooking or baking something, but typically it's just a means to an end.  I need to eat something healthy so that I can stay alive and thrive and I do not want to have to think about it very much.

What I have found has been REALLY helpful for me... hear me out on this... are little microwavable meals. 
I found some at my local Lidl that are based on indian cuisine, and moderately healthy.  There are others that I might add some broccoli to (to make them a bit more rounded nutritionally), but are otherwise pretty healthy AND the trays are recyclable.
I kind of had to "give myself permission" to buy these and use them through the week, but they have really helped me save time and kitchen clean up on busy work days.  I still cook on the weekends/days off. 
I think they probably return about 45 minutes to me each day, maybe 5 days per week, which is pretty good!  That's 3+ hours each week that I can be doing something else.

Just a thought! :)

I do the same thing, but with homemade portioned meals. I dump stuff in a slow cooker at the weekend, which takes maybe half an hour, and then portion and freeze the results, which takes maybe another 20 minutes. I typically get 8 meals for less than one hours work. I go for one pot style meals and then typically heat them in the microwave and open a bag of prebought salad to go with them.

I HATE cooking after work. Last thing I want to do.

[Tris Prior]

What I have found has been REALLY helpful for me... hear me out on this... are little microwavable meals. 
I found some at my local Lidl that are based on indian cuisine, and moderately healthy.  There are others that I might add some broccoli to (to make them a bit more rounded nutritionally), but are otherwise pretty healthy AND the trays are recyclable.
I kind of had to "give myself permission" to buy these and use them through the week, but they have really helped me save time and kitchen clean up on busy work days.  I still cook on the weekends/days off. 

I do this now and then when I know I'm going to be especially busy. I will stock up on premade stuff from Trader Joe's as it tends to have less crap in it. But I have to watch sodium, and packaged meals have so much sodium in them, so this needs to be a sometimes thing.

TJ's low sodium soups in cartons are pretty good though and I try to keep those on hand when I remember, or when I can get there. (we moved and now it's a pain in the ass to get to TJ's with no car)

I do the same thing, but with homemade portioned meals. I dump stuff in a slow cooker at the weekend, which takes maybe half an hour, and then portion and freeze the results, which takes maybe another 20 minutes. I typically get 8 meals for less than one hours work. I go for one pot style meals and then typically heat them in the microwave and open a bag of prebought salad to go with them.

I did this all winter and it worked well, but it still took so much damned time. I didn't mind in the winter since I was less inclined to go outside and was fine with indoor stuff keeping me busy all weekend. I guess I am just a slow cook? All the chopping! I balk at buying pre-chopped veg because it's so $$$. I'm bored of all the recipes I made all winter, but the few times I've tried something new, it has come out horribly and then I have multiple containers of it to choke down. I am looking forward to spring and summer when fruit and veg will be in season and I can just eat huge salads every night (unappealing to me when I'm freezing cold).

Do you have any vegetarian slow-cooker recipes (ETA: that do not involve beans as I seem to have developed an intolerance to them) that you especially love, that don't come out mushy and freeze well? I could definitely use ideas.

I've actually considered doing Hello Fresh or similar just because then I don't have to think about what to cook and stuff's already measured (and perhaps pre-chopped? Do they do that?), but their vegetarian menu wasn't super appealing to me and it just seems so expensive.

[AnnaGrowsAMustache]

What I have found has been REALLY helpful for me... hear me out on this... are little microwavable meals. 
I found some at my local Lidl that are based on indian cuisine, and moderately healthy.  There are others that I might add some broccoli to (to make them a bit more rounded nutritionally), but are otherwise pretty healthy AND the trays are recyclable.
I kind of had to "give myself permission" to buy these and use them through the week, but they have really helped me save time and kitchen clean up on busy work days.  I still cook on the weekends/days off. 

I do this now and then when I know I'm going to be especially busy. I will stock up on premade stuff from Trader Joe's as it tends to have less crap in it. But I have to watch sodium, and packaged meals have so much sodium in them, so this needs to be a sometimes thing.

TJ's low sodium soups in cartons are pretty good though and I try to keep those on hand when I remember, or when I can get there. (we moved and now it's a pain in the ass to get to TJ's with no car)

I do the same thing, but with homemade portioned meals. I dump stuff in a slow cooker at the weekend, which takes maybe half an hour, and then portion and freeze the results, which takes maybe another 20 minutes. I typically get 8 meals for less than one hours work. I go for one pot style meals and then typically heat them in the microwave and open a bag of prebought salad to go with them.

I did this all winter and it worked well, but it still took so much damned time. I didn't mind in the winter since I was less inclined to go outside and was fine with indoor stuff keeping me busy all weekend. I guess I am just a slow cook? All the chopping! I balk at buying pre-chopped veg because it's so $$$. I'm bored of all the recipes I made all winter, but the few times I've tried something new, it has come out horribly and then I have multiple containers of it to choke down. I am looking forward to spring and summer when fruit and veg will be in season and I can just eat huge salads every night (unappealing to me when I'm freezing cold).

Do you have any vegetarian slow-cooker recipes (ETA: that do not involve beans as I seem to have developed an intolerance to them) that you especially love, that don't come out mushy and freeze well? I could definitely use ideas.

I've actually considered doing Hello Fresh or similar just because then I don't have to think about what to cook and stuff's already measured (and perhaps pre-chopped? Do they do that?), but their vegetarian menu wasn't super appealing to me and it just seems so expensive.

I don't do massive amounts of chopping. If it's going in a slow cooker for 8 hours it doesn't need to be all finely chopped. I typically stick say onions in the food processor and give them a quick pulse or two.

My go to slow cooker recipes are
bolognese meat sauce - eaten over pasta, over mashed potato, as pizza sauce etc
nacho chilli with beans - with nacho chips, in burritos, tacos etc etc
chicken noodle and veg soup, no chicken meat - I make this with homemade stock but not meat because the meat develops a yucky texture when frozen. Also use wholemeal spaghetti broken up for noodles because it doesn't go soggy. Serve with shredded baked chicken breast or any shredded meat, or cook tortellini in soup or asian dumplings etc. Or just have plain.
chorizo and barley risotto - amazing to freeze because won't go soggy like rice, I add in spinach etc
tuna pasta bake - ok, it goes a little soggy but it's great comfort food

I also make spinach and feta filo parcels and little pizzas for the freezer, as well as stewed fruit make in slow cooker and cookie dough rolled into cookies. I have a topping ready made in the fridge so to make a fruit crumble (think you yanks call it a crisp) I'm just pulling cooked fruit from freezer, dumping in oven dish, add topping, whack in oven. Same with cookies. I normally would have all of those items in the freezer to choose from when I get home from work. SOOOOOOO nice!

You could make all of the recipes vegetarian without much drama.
Have you thought of hot salads for winter? A big huge tray of roast veg - onion, potato, parsnip, sweet potato, pumpkin, beetroot, carrot - will do half a dozen meals and it's freezable. Once they're heated, wilt in some spinach and add a peri peri swirl?

[daffodil2001]

Do you have any vegetarian slow-cooker recipes (ETA: that do not involve beans as I seem to have developed an intolerance to them) that you especially love, that don't come out mushy and freeze well? I could definitely use ideas.

I've actually considered doing Hello Fresh or similar just because then I don't have to think about what to cook and stuff's already measured (and perhaps pre-chopped? Do they do that?), but their vegetarian menu wasn't super appealing to me and it just seems so expensive.

I love using my slow cooker to make wheat berries. I don’t have the exact recipe right now but I cook a cup of wheat berries and a little salt  in about four cups of water and cook on low until they’re tender, seven to eight hours. When they’re done drain them a little if needed and mix in whatever sounds good. Our go to is ricotta cheese, honey and cinnamon but pretty much anything that would be good on oatmeal would be good on wheat berries.

[daffodil2001]

I read Dana White’s How to Manage Your Home without Losing Your Mind thanks to a recommendation on this thread and I think it will be helpful for setting up our new home and adjusting to new cleaning routines when my husband and I move in three weeks. Right now we’re in the middle of packing so there are boxes all over. I get overwhelmed at times but it’s only temporary. I made a moving supply box for things like tape and scissors and it’s currently the most organized part of my life and is strangely calming.

I also checked out Designing Your Life and I think it will be extremely beneficial for me. I paged through it a little but I haven’t had the energy to read it. I’ll be dog sitting at a friend’s house for a week before I move which might be a good time to read it and work through the exercises. (Dog sitting was planned before the offer on our house was accepted. I’m not thrilled about the timing but I don’t want to back out on this commitment so I’ll just make it work. Also my friend’s dog is the best dog ever and super easy to watch.)

[AnnaGrowsAMustache]

I read Dana White’s How to Manage Your Home without Losing Your Mind thanks to a recommendation on this thread and I think it will be helpful for setting up our new home and adjusting to new cleaning routines when my husband and I move in three weeks. Right now we’re in the middle of packing so there are boxes all over. I get overwhelmed at times but it’s only temporary. I made a moving supply box for things like tape and scissors and it’s currently the most organized part of my life and is strangely calming.

I also checked out Designing Your Life and I think it will be extremely beneficial for me. I paged through it a little but I haven’t had the energy to read it. I’ll be dog sitting at a friend’s house for a week before I move which might be a good time to read it and work through the exercises. (Dog sitting was planned before the offer on our house was accepted. I’m not thrilled about the timing but I don’t want to back out on this commitment so I’ll just make it work. Also my friend’s dog is the best dog ever and super easy to watch.)

I think people forget that running a household used to be a full time job, even without kids. A housewife wan't just a trophy of sorts, it was hard physical labour to keep a house clean and run the kitchen garden and small livestock. Ok, so we now have appliances and ways of life that negate most of those tasks - but there are different tasks now. I mean, managing your kids after school activities was not a thing in 1800! The fact remains that keeping a household going, clean, tidy, stocked and organised is WORK. Our media presents us with all these examples of how to live life that include huge amounts of money and leisure. That's not reality. It's hours and hours of work a week to run a house, from cleaning, tidying, folding, cooking, paying bills, grocery shopping, managing the car, sorting out needs of pets and kids etc etc. That's NORMAL. Let's all give ourselves a break.

[Linea_Norway]

I think people forget that running a household used to be a full time job, even without kids. A housewife wan't just a trophy of sorts, it was hard physical labour to keep a house clean and run the kitchen garden and small livestock. Ok, so we now have appliances and ways of life that negate most of those tasks - but there are different tasks now. I mean, managing your kids after school activities was not a thing in 1800! The fact remains that keeping a household going, clean, tidy, stocked and organised is WORK. Our media presents us with all these examples of how to live life that include huge amounts of money and leisure. That's not reality. It's hours and hours of work a week to run a house, from cleaning, tidying, folding, cooking, paying bills, grocery shopping, managing the car, sorting out needs of pets and kids etc etc. That's NORMAL. Let's all give ourselves a break.

Indeed, it is a job to run the perfect household. Last year I had a period where I tried to be perfect. I tried to shop the cheapest groceries, I always had everything stocked perfectly, the home was cleaned very regularly. I always took meat out of the freezer the evening before to be thawed in the fridge the next day. Bread is also taken out to be thawed next morning. I got very stressed of it, in combination with lots of other stressy things in my life, combined with too little sleep.

Now I try to relax a bit more. I clean occasionally when I notice something is dirty. I ask DH to help, or he helps me without me asking. For the food, I have relaxed a little bit. Sometimes the house is not perfectly stocked up. Well then, fine.

[AnnaGrowsAMustache]

I think people forget that running a household used to be a full time job, even without kids. A housewife wan't just a trophy of sorts, it was hard physical labour to keep a house clean and run the kitchen garden and small livestock. Ok, so we now have appliances and ways of life that negate most of those tasks - but there are different tasks now. I mean, managing your kids after school activities was not a thing in 1800! The fact remains that keeping a household going, clean, tidy, stocked and organised is WORK. Our media presents us with all these examples of how to live life that include huge amounts of money and leisure. That's not reality. It's hours and hours of work a week to run a house, from cleaning, tidying, folding, cooking, paying bills, grocery shopping, managing the car, sorting out needs of pets and kids etc etc. That's NORMAL. Let's all give ourselves a break.

Indeed, it is a job to run the perfect household. Last year I had a period where I tried to be perfect. I tried to shop the cheapest groceries, I always had everything stocked perfectly, the home was cleaned very regularly. I always took meat out of the freezer the evening before to be thawed in the fridge the next day. Bread is also taken out to be thawed next morning. I got very stressed of it, in combination with lots of other stressy things in my life, combined with too little sleep.

Now I try to relax a bit more. I clean occasionally when I notice something is dirty. I ask DH to help, or he helps me without me asking. For the food, I have relaxed a little bit. Sometimes the house is not perfectly stocked up. Well then, fine.

Why do people clean stuff when it isn't dirty?? I don't get that. Perhaps the toilet does need cleaning regardless of whether it looks clean or not, but why do I need to vacuum if it don't look too bad???

[daffodil2001]

I think people forget that running a household used to be a full time job, even without kids. A housewife wan't just a trophy of sorts, it was hard physical labour to keep a house clean and run the kitchen garden and small livestock. Ok, so we now have appliances and ways of life that negate most of those tasks - but there are different tasks now. I mean, managing your kids after school activities was not a thing in 1800! The fact remains that keeping a household going, clean, tidy, stocked and organised is WORK. Our media presents us with all these examples of how to live life that include huge amounts of money and leisure. That's not reality. It's hours and hours of work a week to run a house, from cleaning, tidying, folding, cooking, paying bills, grocery shopping, managing the car, sorting out needs of pets and kids etc etc. That's NORMAL. Let's all give ourselves a break.

Indeed, it is a job to run the perfect household. Last year I had a period where I tried to be perfect. I tried to shop the cheapest groceries, I always had everything stocked perfectly, the home was cleaned very regularly. I always took meat out of the freezer the evening before to be thawed in the fridge the next day. Bread is also taken out to be thawed next morning. I got very stressed of it, in combination with lots of other stressy things in my life, combined with too little sleep.

Now I try to relax a bit more. I clean occasionally when I notice something is dirty. I ask DH to help, or he helps me without me asking. For the food, I have relaxed a little bit. Sometimes the house is not perfectly stocked up. Well then, fine.

I agree that keeping up a house is a job! Last week I gave up our cleaning routine. I’m trying to keep up on laundry, the kitchen counters, and the bathroom so we can still function, but everything else can be done when we move out. My husband and I have a chore chart that we’ve been using with moderate success for several months, but that’s all out the window now.

 Part of my goal as far as designing my life is to set up a routine in our new house so that we do specific tasks on specific days and I don’t have to keep asking my husband to do his chores. He definitely has the “slob vision” that Dana White talks about. I’ve always assumed it was because he grew up in a family with a strictly  gendered division of labor and was never expected to notice when the house needed cleaning, but I’m starting to think that there’s more to it than that. We’re giving ourselves a month after we move to fully unpack, and after that we’ll work on a new system. Our current chore chart is divided into daily/weekly/monthly items and the only thing my husband consistently does without me reminding him to is feed the cat. I find it exhausting to try to get him to do the chores he agreed to do, and have discussed that with him multiple times, but even when he remembers it’s time to do something there’s a good chance he’ll say that he’ll do it later and then won’t. If we can’t get a solid routine going in the new house, I’m going to tell my husband that how we split up our chores needs to factor in me being the one who does all the remembering and reminding. I’d prefer it if he just remembered but if he won’t/can’t then I want him to pick up some extra responsibilities to make up for it. We both work equal amounts so there’s no reason that managing the house should fall to me.
/rant

[Tasse]

Part of my goal as far as designing my life is to set up a routine in our new house so that we do specific tasks on specific days and I don’t have to keep asking my husband to do his chores. He definitely has the “slob vision” that Dana White talks about. I’ve always assumed it was because he grew up in a family with a strictly  gendered division of labor and was never expected to notice when the house needed cleaning, but I’m starting to think that there’s more to it than that. We’re giving ourselves a month after we move to fully unpack, and after that we’ll work on a new system. Our current chore chart is divided into daily/weekly/monthly items and the only thing my husband consistently does without me reminding him to is feed the cat. I find it exhausting to try to get him to do the chores he agreed to do, and have discussed that with him multiple times, but even when he remembers it’s time to do something there’s a good chance he’ll say that he’ll do it later and then won’t. If we can’t get a solid routine going in the new house, I’m going to tell my husband that how we split up our chores needs to factor in me being the one who does all the remembering and reminding. I’d prefer it if he just remembered but if he won’t/can’t then I want him to pick up some extra responsibilities to make up for it. We both work equal amounts so there’s no reason that managing the house should fall to me.
/rant

*cough* https://english.emmaclit.com/2017/05/20/you-shouldve-asked/

[Poundwise]

Ok, so we now have appliances and ways of life that negate most of those tasks - but there are different tasks now. I mean, managing your kids after school activities was not a thing in 1800! The fact remains that keeping a household going, clean, tidy, stocked and organised is WORK. Our media presents us with all these examples of how to live life that include huge amounts of money and leisure. That's not reality. It's hours and hours of work a week to run a house, from cleaning, tidying, folding, cooking, paying bills, grocery shopping, managing the car, sorting out needs of pets and kids etc etc. That's NORMAL. Let's all give ourselves a break.

So true. One other task that is wearing on me is how often items break. I accumulate so many broken things, and it's a stress on me to repair or replace them.  I know that part of my problem is that I don't like to throw away fixable things, and for larger appliances I DIY, but I don't know how other people manage just replacing them or hiring out repairs. They must spend so much money!

Or else is it because I have too many old things? Or we don't make enough money to own so many things? 

I believe the answer must be to have fewer things. I've been decluttering more than I have accumulated this year, but the process seems endless.

[Linea_Norway]

Ok, so we now have appliances and ways of life that negate most of those tasks - but there are different tasks now. I mean, managing your kids after school activities was not a thing in 1800! The fact remains that keeping a household going, clean, tidy, stocked and organised is WORK. Our media presents us with all these examples of how to live life that include huge amounts of money and leisure. That's not reality. It's hours and hours of work a week to run a house, from cleaning, tidying, folding, cooking, paying bills, grocery shopping, managing the car, sorting out needs of pets and kids etc etc. That's NORMAL. Let's all give ourselves a break.

So true. One other task that is wearing on me is how often items break. I accumulate so many broken things, and it's a stress on me to repair or replace them.  I know that part of my problem is that I don't like to throw away fixable things, and for larger appliances I DIY, but I don't know how other people manage just replacing them or hiring out repairs. They must spend so much money!

Or else is it because I have too many old things? Or we don't make enough money to own so many things? 

I believe the answer must be to have fewer things. I've been decluttering more than I have accumulated this year, but the process seems endless.

Some things are not produced as solid as they used to be. Like, old refrigerators used to last for 30 years. Modern refrigerators last 7-10 years, at least the ones in my home. The manufacturers don't make enough money if their products last for 30 years.

I also hate it when something breaks, especially when it is my own fault and I dropped it on the floor. It is a waste of money, hassle to replace it, hassle to clean up in some cases. And I feel useless when that happens.

[Linea_Norway]

*cough* https://english.emmaclit.com/2017/05/20/you-shouldve-asked/

This!

Last might my DH had some time to spend waiting on a train station. It was close to a shop, so he did some shopping. He looked at the grocery list on his phone and bought what I had put there. I hadn't put milk on the list, because that it a stable that I always grab when shopping. Of course he didn't buy milk, and commented that it wasn't on the list. It is exactly that mental work that we do all day, that is the stressful part. When I go shopping, I know the status of the milk, or I check it before I leave home. I always write DH's favorite bread toppings on the list, long before they go empty, otherwise he would only have added them after it got empty. If we had lived as a man, we would not always have that fully stocked home where you never grab in a cupboard without finding a spare item.

[Hirondelle]

*cough* https://english.emmaclit.com/2017/05/20/you-shouldve-asked/

This!

Last might my DH had some time to spend waiting on a train station. It was close to a shop, so he did some shopping. He looked at the grocery list on his phone and bought what I had put there. I hadn't put milk on the list, because that it a stable that I always grab when shopping. Of course he didn't buy milk, and commented that it wasn't on the list. It is exactly that mental work that we do all day, that is the stressful part. When I go shopping, I know the status of the milk, or I check it before I leave home. I always write DH's favorite bread toppings on the list, long before they go empty, otherwise he would only have added them after it got empty. If we had lived as a man, we would not always have that fully stocked home where you never grab in a cupboard without finding a spare item.

Comments like these make me heavily question my gender :D

[daffodil2001]

*cough* https://english.emmaclit.com/2017/05/20/you-shouldve-asked/

This!

Last might my DH had some time to spend waiting on a train station. It was close to a shop, so he did some shopping. He looked at the grocery list on his phone and bought what I had put there. I hadn't put milk on the list, because that it a stable that I always grab when shopping. Of course he didn't buy milk, and commented that it wasn't on the list. It is exactly that mental work that we do all day, that is the stressful part. When I go shopping, I know the status of the milk, or I check it before I leave home. I always write DH's favorite bread toppings on the list, long before they go empty, otherwise he would only have added them after it got empty. If we had lived as a man, we would not always have that fully stocked home where you never grab in a cupboard without finding a spare item.

Thanks for sharing that comic! We don’t have any children right now but we may in the future. One of the reasons I’m trying to develop a chore system that works better for us is that we both grew up in families where both parents worked but Mom was still responsible for the kids’ laundry/lunches/doctors visits/taking off when they’re sick etc. I don’t recall where I heard it but someone explained the “typical”  gendered division of labor as women being responsible for things that have to be done daily/weekly and if not done significantly affect a family’s day to day life, whereas men are responsible for yard work and other projects that can be done less frequently and are more likely to be a one time task. I hope to have a more equitable division of labor, both physical and emotional. My husband does chores, but I usually have to remind/ask/remind him I’ve already asked several times over two days. I’ve asked my husband to come up with a system that he thinks would work for him and he always says he can’t think of anything. Our new agreement is that once we move and unpack, if our new chore chart/system doesn’t get him to do his chores without me asking, we’re going to renegotiate who does what to account for the mental load I’m carrying. In retrospect that feels a bit like planning for failure but I wanted to bring it up before the packing/moving/deep cleaning really gets going.

[Linea_Norway]

*cough* https://english.emmaclit.com/2017/05/20/you-shouldve-asked/

This!

Last might my DH had some time to spend waiting on a train station. It was close to a shop, so he did some shopping. He looked at the grocery list on his phone and bought what I had put there. I hadn't put milk on the list, because that it a stable that I always grab when shopping. Of course he didn't buy milk, and commented that it wasn't on the list. It is exactly that mental work that we do all day, that is the stressful part. When I go shopping, I know the status of the milk, or I check it before I leave home. I always write DH's favorite bread toppings on the list, long before they go empty, otherwise he would only have added them after it got empty. If we had lived as a man, we would not always have that fully stocked home where you never grab in a cupboard without finding a spare item.

Thanks for sharing that comic! We don’t have any children right now but we may in the future. One of the reasons I’m trying to develop a chore system that works better for us is that we both grew up in families where both parents worked but Mom was still responsible for the kids’ laundry/lunches/doctors visits/taking off when they’re sick etc. I don’t recall where I heard it but someone explained the “typical”  gendered division of labor as women being responsible for things that have to be done daily/weekly and if not done significantly affect a family’s day to day life, whereas men are responsible for yard work and other projects that can be done less frequently and are more likely to be a one time task. I hope to have a more equitable division of labor, both physical and emotional. My husband does chores, but I usually have to remind/ask/remind him I’ve already asked several times over two days. I’ve asked my husband to come up with a system that he thinks would work for him and he always says he can’t think of anything. Our new agreement is that once we move and unpack, if our new chore chart/system doesn’t get him to do his chores without me asking, we’re going to renegotiate who does what to account for the mental load I’m carrying. In retrospect that feels a bit like planning for failure but I wanted to bring it up before the packing/moving/deep cleaning really gets going.

It is probably not all gender related, but it has to do with feeling responsible for the household. I have one male colleague who says that he has the lowest threshold in his household for thinking the home needs cleaning. I don't know how it is with the other mental tasks in his household.

[Tasse]

*cough* https://english.emmaclit.com/2017/05/20/you-shouldve-asked/

This!

Last might my DH had some time to spend waiting on a train station. It was close to a shop, so he did some shopping. He looked at the grocery list on his phone and bought what I had put there. I hadn't put milk on the list, because that it a stable that I always grab when shopping. Of course he didn't buy milk, and commented that it wasn't on the list. It is exactly that mental work that we do all day, that is the stressful part. When I go shopping, I know the status of the milk, or I check it before I leave home. I always write DH's favorite bread toppings on the list, long before they go empty, otherwise he would only have added them after it got empty. If we had lived as a man, we would not always have that fully stocked home where you never grab in a cupboard without finding a spare item.

Thanks for sharing that comic! We don’t have any children right now but we may in the future. One of the reasons I’m trying to develop a chore system that works better for us is that we both grew up in families where both parents worked but Mom was still responsible for the kids’ laundry/lunches/doctors visits/taking off when they’re sick etc. I don’t recall where I heard it but someone explained the “typical”  gendered division of labor as women being responsible for things that have to be done daily/weekly and if not done significantly affect a family’s day to day life, whereas men are responsible for yard work and other projects that can be done less frequently and are more likely to be a one time task. I hope to have a more equitable division of labor, both physical and emotional. My husband does chores, but I usually have to remind/ask/remind him I’ve already asked several times over two days. I’ve asked my husband to come up with a system that he thinks would work for him and he always says he can’t think of anything. Our new agreement is that once we move and unpack, if our new chore chart/system doesn’t get him to do his chores without me asking, we’re going to renegotiate who does what to account for the mental load I’m carrying. In retrospect that feels a bit like planning for failure but I wanted to bring it up before the packing/moving/deep cleaning really gets going.

It is probably not all gender related, but it has to do with feeling responsible for the household. I have one male colleague who says that he has the lowest threshold in his household for thinking the home needs cleaning. I don't know how it is with the other mental tasks in his household.

Unfortunately, an a population level, this behavior is definitely gender related.

I had a conversation with my partner before we moved in together about committing to a 50/50 housework split, including that it might not come naturally and we would reevaluate regularly and be flexible about what wasn't working. I can't say that every task is perfectly even - I definitely do most of the meal and grocery planning, but he does at least half of the cooking, including almost all the chopping (my least favorite part) and anytime we cook eggs (he's better at them).* He might even do more than half the cleaning, particularly when I run characteristically late to things and leave a whirlwind mess behind me. Usually I only ask him to do things in the sense of "hey, I did x, can you finish up y?" I almost never have to ask twice. (This goes both ways. I have been politely reminded of the number of weeks in a row he's done laundry.)

I think the important part of that was the upfront buy-in. I think often this struggle becomes "how can I do enough to keep my partner happy (or at least off my back)?" rather than "I promised to take responsibility for half - am I living up to that?" I think it's important to discuss standards and verbally agree to them. We also acknowledged at the beginning that this might not come naturally to either of us - he barely cooked for himself before, for example - and we agreed to be patient with one another's mistakes as long as we were still both committed to the initial agreement.

*Re: earlier cooking discussion - I enjoy the time spent cooking a lot more when it's a collaborative activity with my partner. And also when I don't have to chop. :)

[Poundwise]

I'm going to incorporate more walking into my life.  I'm overweight, I know it, and it has been getting a lot worse of late. I have little energy and am getting sick a lot, and that impacts so many other parts of my life.  This might in fact be the most important thing I do.  And it needs to be part of my life, not just something I do for a while and then stop once I lose a little weight and start feeling better.  I will walk to pick up kids from school today, instead of driving.

[Linea_Norway]

I'm going to incorporate more walking into my life.  I'm overweight, I know it, and it has been getting a lot worse of late. I have little energy and am getting sick a lot, and that impacts so many other parts of my life.  This might in fact be the most important thing I do.  And it needs to be part of my life, not just something I do for a while and then stop once I lose a little weight and start feeling better.  I will walk to pick up kids from school today, instead of driving.

Very good. Also, sleep long enough. That helps regulating your appitite.

[Tasse]

My partner was frustrated this morning at the limited amount of time he has to dedicate to personal projects, and the fact that in general, most of his time must be dedicated to work. He likes his work reasonably well, but presumably on a FIRE forum we all understand that not having control over your schedule is annoying at best.

I started thinking about treating time the way we already treat money - budgeting it carefully to be put toward the things that are most important to us. More for establishing principles than for daily rationing, but still; our time is limited and we should be mindful how we spend it.

For the moment, work is equivalent to my budget's "rent" - I might be working toward not needing that line item eventually, but for now it can't be optimized away, and I have to do my best to work in those constraints. Even assuming 8 hours work and 8 hours sleep, the remaining 8 hours gets chipped away by commute, grooming, food prep, etc.

Here are the principles I would use in time budgeting:

• Sleep is always a top priority, as not having enough of it degrades the quality of everything else. This means budgeting time to FALL asleep in addition to the time intended for sleeping, and any bedtime wind-down activities merit additional time to that.
• Keep free time in large chunks to maximize its effectiveness. Streamlining the morning routine means saving precious minutes for evening leisure.
• Avoid rush hour by commuting early. This is an easy time savings, with added benefits of increasing the sunlight I see daily, easier parking, and general feeling of being a badass when I arrive first feeling refreshed.
• Multitask when it doesn't degrade the quality of my attention. Biking to work takes more time than driving, but less time than driving plus the equivalent amount of exercise. At workplaces that allow/encourage working out at the office and on company time, take advantage.
• But for the most part, pay full attention to the task in front of me for maximum benefits. Multitasking is usually dangerous.
• Embrace productive tasks as hobbies. If I can convince myself to mentally categorize biking, cooking, and DIY as enjoyable tasks that I choose to take on - with the added satisfaction of improving at them over time - then I can increase the proportion of my time I feel I have control over.
• This should be self-explanatory in the budgeting worldview, but I shouldn't spend more time on the internet than I CHOOSE to. If this requires steps to manage addiction-like behaviors, so be it.
• Practice gratitude for the leisure time I do have. In a subsistence economy I certainly would not read this many books.

[Step37]

@Tass
That was great! Thank you.

[K-ice]

The word Design is so many things to different people.

There is a lot of "design" in my life at work and some in my hobbies but I thrive for more. 

One thing I want to do is design a home. It doesn't even need to be the home I live in, I'm quite fond of that one already. It may be a small vacation home, a garage suite, a restored country home, a multi family residence with wheel chair accessible apartment etc. I have all these different ideas in mind, they are so variable yet they all have potential to become a reality in my life.

I grew up in a house designed by my parents. I don't consider either of them that creative, but it was a unique well thought out home. My mom was largely responsible for the layout (an architect finalized the blue prints) & my dad was the general contractor. I was only 3 at the time, but I look back on what an accomplishment it was.

I have always had a knack for architecture, even bingeing on some of the first 3D CAD programs over 20 years ago.

If I was FIRE and had more time & money I would embark on one of these designs. Just the other day I warned my SO something like "You know I really want to design a home, just so you know it is happening within the next 5-10 years."

I know this is not the exact topic of this thread, but I NEED to carve out the time to do this in my life.

[Tris Prior]

The Design Your Life book finally came off hold at the library and I started reading it yesterday. I've been mostly scanning it, haven't done any of the exercises yet, so maybe this becomes more clear once I have - but I couldn't help raising a skeptical eyebrow at the guy whose "mind map" led him to the idea of running a pirate camp for kids. That's great! Sounds fun. How in hell does one find a job doing that specific thing, or launch it oneself without going deeply into debt?

I am skeptical. But I'm going to start doing the exercises this weekend and see if this starts making more sense.

So far the book's largely about work. For me, though, designing my life at the moment has more to do with "how do I move out of the great frozen white North ASAP?" and less to do with what specific work I am doing. At this time in my life I'm not terribly career-oriented, I just want to do something I don't hate where I'm treated with respect and make a good salary. So I'm interested to see how this book applies to a situation like that.

[GreenToTheCore]

Guys, this thread is on a roll. So many great responses.
It's really nice to know you're not alone in some life struggles.

I started thinking about treating time the way we already treat money - budgeting it carefully to be put toward the things that are most important to us. More for establishing principles than for daily rationing, but still; our time is limited and we should be mindful how we spend it.

Oh man, you might really like this: 
https://waitbutwhy.com/2016/10/100-blocks-day.html

These, too:
https://waitbutwhy.com/2014/05/life-weeks.html
https://waitbutwhy.com/2015/12/the-tail-end.html

[Tasse]

I've read The Tail End before. It's part of what makes me feel really urgently that I need to move closer to my family when my PhD is over. (The fact that my parents adopted more kids since I moved out is another part.)

My life in weeks and my day in ten-minute chunks is a bit too granular a view for me, I think, but a good reminder once in a while.

I better go do something better with the rest of this day than reading the forum.

[FIRE Artist]

Guys, this thread is on a roll. So many great responses.
It's really nice to know you're not alone in some life struggles.

I started thinking about treating time the way we already treat money - budgeting it carefully to be put toward the things that are most important to us. More for establishing principles than for daily rationing, but still; our time is limited and we should be mindful how we spend it.

Oh man, you might really like this: 
https://waitbutwhy.com/2016/10/100-blocks-day.html

These, too:
https://waitbutwhy.com/2014/05/life-weeks.html
https://waitbutwhy.com/2015/12/the-tail-end.html

This is all very "About at Boy".  I used to channel Hugh Grant back when I worked offshore in the Gulf of Mexico.  I would often get dropped off at the Bush airport by 10 am and had to kill time until the midnight when I was booked to fly back to Calgary.  This was pre 9-11 so you could actually check in that early and easily move in and out of the security areas.  I had a whole routine measured out in 15 minute blocks of time.  I could not imagine doing this day in/day out for your life. 

[jaysee]

All these comments about things (breaking, wearing out, requiring cleaning, being a hassle to maintain or get rid of, etc) remind me why I've been aggressively Marie-Kondo'ing my life for the past several years. I've gotten it to the point that practically all my possessions fit in my large back-pack and small hand luggage.

(Because I always live in shared accommodation, I don't even need to own pots, pans, utensils, etc, as they're all shared. If I ever need to have people over, I can just rent an AirBnB apartment for one night or invite them to a restaurant.)

All these comments about laborious cleaning and housekeeping chores remind me why I live in a small room in shared accommodation, and have done so most of my life, rather than maintaining a multi-room house. (I guess this is easier being single without kids, but then again, even if I did have kids, I'd probably choose a small dwelling and prefer all of us to spend most of our time out of the house, so it doesn't get that dirty.)

Maybe this is "gendered" or whatever but I have never understood the urge to do laborious, time-consuming "house keeping". I have done everything in my power to avoid cleaning - not by living in filth, but by just choosing smaller, simpler dwellings and being ruthlessly minimalist in what I own. I don't know how a woman couldn't live the same way, especially in the 21st century, but maybe I'm biased, having no lived experience being a woman.

Funnily enough, growing up, it was usually my Dad and me doing most of the cleaning, while the ladies - my Mum and three sisters tended to be more focussed on cooking, dressing well, furniture-shopping and wearing makeup. Though I will say my Mum did a brilliant job of painting and renovating the floorboards, almost single-handedly (I was a pretty lousy assistant, in retrospect, which she graciously almost never called me on). I guess I grew up in a slightly a-typical family!

[jaysee]

• Sleep is always a top priority, as not having enough of it degrades the quality of everything else. This means budgeting time to FALL asleep in addition to the time intended for sleeping, and any bedtime wind-down activities merit additional time to that.
• Keep free time in large chunks to maximize its effectiveness. Streamlining the morning routine means saving precious minutes for evening leisure.
• Avoid rush hour by commuting early. This is an easy time savings, with added benefits of increasing the sunlight I see daily, easier parking, and general feeling of being a badass when I arrive first feeling refreshed.
• Multitask when it doesn't degrade the quality of my attention. Biking to work takes more time than driving, but less time than driving plus the equivalent amount of exercise. At workplaces that allow/encourage working out at the office and on company time, take advantage.
• But for the most part, pay full attention to the task in front of me for maximum benefits. Multitasking is usually dangerous.
• Embrace productive tasks as hobbies. If I can convince myself to mentally categorize biking, cooking, and DIY as enjoyable tasks that I choose to take on - with the added satisfaction of improving at them over time - then I can increase the proportion of my time I feel I have control over.
• This should be self-explanatory in the budgeting worldview, but I shouldn't spend more time on the internet than I CHOOSE to. If this requires steps to manage addiction-like behaviors, so be it.
• Practice gratitude for the leisure time I do have. In a subsistence economy I certainly would not read this many books.

Nice tips! I like all these ideas.

I've been making more time to enjoy my mornings. Getting up early to spend more time in the shower, walking and training at the gym, without rushing like a maniac. Gets my day off to a nice start. Then I commute to work late (10:00) and leave work late (7:00), so I miss the peak-hour rush both ways and also pay less in fares.

I try to keep evenings, mornings and weekends free, so I can do lots of walking, thinking, visiting friends or whatever needs doing.

I've also been managing to get to bed by 11ish, so I usually get a decent 7 or 8 hours of sleep.

[Tasse]

I've also been managing to get to bed by 11ish, so I usually get a decent 7 or 8 hours of sleep.

My tentative goal has been to figure out how much sleep I need not to feel groggy in the morning, and for me that is more than 8 hours, maybe more than 9. If I sleep extra long on Saturday, I take it as an indication that I haven't been sleeping enough during the week. Plus, I like to wind down the day by chatting with my partner after we go to bed, so I need to go to bed extra early to accommodate that.

[MonkeyJenga]

Maybe this is "gendered" or whatever but I have never understood the urge to do laborious, time-consuming "house keeping". I have done everything in my power to avoid cleaning - not by living in filth, but by just choosing smaller, simpler dwellings and being ruthlessly minimalist in what I own. I don't know how a woman couldn't live the same way, especially in the 21st century, but maybe I'm biased, having no lived experience being a woman.

We can. I do. I have two boxes in storage, but I've been living out of a backpack for over a year. Occasionally I'll stay in one place for a while and accumulate fluff, but that gets cut real fast when it's time to get on a plane.

I'm curious, do you think no women live in small spaces and own few things? Because you seem to think so, even though you got to this point by Marie Kondo-ing your stuff. :P

[jaysee]

I'm curious, do you think no women live in small spaces and own few things? Because you seem to think so, even though you got to this point by Marie Kondo-ing your stuff. :P

Good point!

[Linea_Norway]

It is also possible to live in a larger space and not have to spend a ton of time on cleaning.  We follow the Asian custom of leaving shoes at the door.  That one habit reduces your cleaning needs by probably 50-70%, depending on climate.  We also do things like using a squeegee on the glass shower doors, I wipe down bathroom counters and sinks with the washcloth I just used in the shower before throwing it in the hamper, etc.  Unless you have small children, most clothing doesn't need to be washed after just one wear.  Wear an apron in the kitchen.  Little changes that take a few minutes a pop greatly reduce the time spent on more onerous cleaning tasks.

In Scandinavia we also leave the shoes at the door. Still, my floor gets dirty from the dust, and my own hair. But at least, there is no dirt from outside.

On my days off, I usually wear a woollen undershirt which can be worn for days without washing. But at work, I put on a clean shirt every day, because I don't want to carry around body odors at work. And my normal shirts do smell of deodorant/sweat after a normal day at work.

[Moonwaves]

I had forgotten about this thread until someone mentioned the Designing your Life book in the journals. But I think I hadn't really forgotten about it because this topic has definitely been coming up in therapy a good bit the last couple of months. So, just bumping to see how everyone is doing. And to remind myself to reread this thread at the weekend and see if I can get my hands on the book.

[lollylegs]

This is a great thread, lots of good links!.  I'm going to order the book and I've just bought some of the habit planners from Best Self.

I am one of those introverts that uses up all their energy at work and is too tired to do anything but the basics at home. I use the wheel of life with my clients and I know I'm quite out of balance at the moment. I don't have much longer to work but I need to make some changes before I retire, particularly health wise.  Time for me to simplify and streamline.

[Freedomin5]

Posting to follow. You all are inspiring.

I've found that over the years, my "plan for maximum happiness/fulfillment" has changed as my priorities have shifted. Therefore, built into the plan is the need to re-evaluate the plan every 3-5 years.

Whenever I find myself starting to feel unfulfilled, unmotivated, uncomfortable, I ask myself a few questions to help me clarify my values and goals for that season:

1. If I can magically take away anything from my life right now, what would I take away? Why would I take that away? How is it causing me pain right now?
2. If the thing(s) I want to take away can't be removed, what would make my life better right now? What can I put into my life to alleviate or mitigate the pain?

I've found that "positive" tasks usually fall into three categories: distraction tasks, problem-solving tasks, and joyful/meaning-making tasks. Some tasks help you feel better becaues they distract you from the painful situation (e.g., alcohol, visualizing being on a beach when you're getting a needle). These are short-term, in-the-moment solutions. Other tasks help you feel better because they help you solve the problem (e.g., changing your mindset, changing the situation). These are longer-term solutions. The third type doesn't just remove pain, it adds joy.

When I'm unhappy with my life situation, I try to focus first on finding problem-solving strategies. However, there are some things in life that can't be solved. E.g., At this particular point in my life, I cannot just stop working. In those situations, I move to distraction/mitigation strategies to make the present more bearable until circumstances change and I can find a more permanent solution.

To be honest, I need to work on building in joyful/meaning-making tasks. Those have been hard for me to find lately, as I've found that being burned out makes it mentally more difficult for me to find joy, even in previously joyful things. And like Dr Kidstache, I am also not particularly Mustachian. I've been experimenting with taking Uber/hiring drivers and greatly inflating my lifestyle (hello, 100% rent increase, multiple international vacations, and increased heating bills) in order to survive.

A lot has changed in the past almost 2 years. Our entire lifestyle is now different. Since I posted the above:

1. We’ve moved to an apartment that is 5x more expensive and twice as large. It’s also well-designed and the construction quality is very good for China.

2. I’ve changed jobs so we have a 10-minute commute by bike to work and to school in a quiet neighborhood.

3. I have better work hours - no more evenings and weekends.

4. I almost exclusively use grocery delivery services to avoid battling the crowds in the stores.

5. I try always to be engaged in one extracurricular project that makes me happy. Right now it’s crocheting Christmas things.

By changing jobs, I took away the things that were causing me pain (crappy housing, hearing domestic violence and the neighbors beat their kid, jostling with rude people on public transportation, long hours and not being able to spend time with DD, lack of space to do projects and crafting at home), which then created space for me to fill my life with the things I enjoy.

And I was able to do this while increasing our monthly savings since our compensation packages have increased over the past two years. We are in a good place right now.

[tygertygertyger]

A lot has changed in the past almost 2 years. Our entire lifestyle is now different. Since I posted the above:

1. We’ve moved to an apartment that is 5x more expensive and twice as large. It’s also well-designed and the construction quality is very good for China.

2. I’ve changed jobs so we have a 10-minute commute by bike to work and to school in a quiet neighborhood.

3. I have better work hours - no more evenings and weekends.

4. I almost exclusively use grocery delivery services to avoid battling the crowds in the stores.

5. I try always to be engaged in one extracurricular project that makes me happy. Right now it’s crocheting Christmas things.

By changing jobs, I took away the things that were causing me pain (crappy housing, hearing domestic violence and the neighbors beat their kid, jostling with rude people on public transportation, long hours and not being able to spend time with DD, lack of space to do projects and crafting at home), which then created space for me to fill my life with the things I enjoy.

And I was able to do this while increasing our monthly savings since our compensation packages have increased over the past two years. We are in a good place right now.

This is a wonderful update! It's inspiring me to think forward to more specific goals, since my current goals are a bit amorphous.

[tj]

You inspired me to look up the organization that runs the summer orchestra, and it turns out they have a chamber music club. It's for pre-formed ensembles, so not an immediate solution, but they have a concert coming up this Sunday. I figure I'll drop by, see what it's about, and maybe put out feelers about how to find other interested people. :)

What org is this? I'd like to go to the concerts when I move back to SoCal! (and things open up again)

[Tasse]

Sending you a PM.

[lazycow]

I tend to revaluate how I design/craft my life on an almost yearly basis as I find raising kids (1 more year of high school and done!) impacts on everything. This is a genius thread and will need to come back to it often.

[BuffaloStache]

I found this thread for the first time today, and I think I need it now. It'll take me a while to read through everything, but I really like what I see so far.

I try to re-evaluate where I'm at in my life every so often, but I do little to be pro-active about designing near-term goals to improve it. I'm hoping to find some inspiration here.