Author Topic: Increasing social connections/social capital  (Read 63705 times)

pachnik

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Re: Increasing social connections/social capital
« Reply #400 on: June 27, 2018, 10:32:02 AM »
On Canada Day, we are hosting a bbq - about 15 people in all.  Pretty much all family - some that we see often and some that we don't see often.  I am pretty excited (and a bit nervous) about it. 

After, my husband and I are going to join a local meet-up group for socializing. 

Dollar Slice

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Re: Increasing social connections/social capital
« Reply #401 on: June 29, 2018, 10:42:29 PM »
Ended up having a Very Bad Week this week and really wanted to just curl up and hide, but instead reached out and offered to save a seat for a friend at a concert we had free tickets to, because I know he works late and couldn't get there early. He said 'yes please' and told me he had a friend joining him, and texted us both to look for each other so we could all sit together. I asked a couple of people if they were [her name] and they said no, then I overheard someone asking some random lady "Hi, are you [Slicey]?" so I flagged her down. We clicked right away, and we ended up all hanging out for a few hours before and after the show. Sent Facebook request and we're all going out again tomorrow (part of the same music fest I had free tix to). Maybe a new friend in the making! Have also been getting daily texts from the guy I invited out Monday night so I think we have definitely achieved a new, higher friend level :-) Today I invited him to another free event next Friday that I thought he would like.

woopwoop

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Re: Increasing social connections/social capital
« Reply #402 on: June 30, 2018, 10:19:27 PM »
Woo, good on you for pushing yourself out of the comfort zone of being curled up and hidden!

I had a flipping awesome day today - went to a delicious 8-course gourmet breakfast at a farmer's market with a friend who got free tickets. Then went to visit a mustachian friend I hadn't seen in two years and we ate delicious things and drank tea and talked for a couple of hours. And then spent the rest of the evening at the river with my baby and husband. All in all a wonderful and sociable day.

Now I'm curled up and hiding while the husband puts the baby to sleep, ha.

Dollar Slice

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Re: Increasing social connections/social capital
« Reply #403 on: July 09, 2018, 01:00:31 PM »
Had a super social week last week... Tuesday ended up going out with the guy I mentioned getting texts from last week - I was having a really bad day and he texted to see if I wanted to go out and do something, so that was really nice. Thursday I invited a bunch of people (including that same guy) to join me at a concert. When I got there no one I knew had showed up, so I sat somewhere by myself feeling a little mopey. Then a nice woman sat down next to me and started a (great) conversation. We talked music and politics and stuff until the concert started. A couple of the people I had invited showed up eventually, and I ended up talking to them plus a musician I know during the intermission/after the show. Two of them gave me big hugs, which was nice since last week was really hard. :-)

Friday I went to a big event that I knew a couple of friends would be at. I'd prepared a map/program of the event in Photoshop because it was sort of secretive - the venue wasn't announcing the details in advance, but I'd gotten them from a friend. A bunch of people (acquaintances and friends-of-friends) ended up using my map (which I offered to text to them) or just following me because I was one of the only people who really knew where/when everything was. Offering a useful service: great way to connect with people :-)  And... what else. Oh, Saturday I went to see a band for $10 because a friend of mine was playing in it. He seemed really pleased that I'd turned up.

This week I have no plans with anyone at all and I'm feeling a little bummed about it...

pachnik

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Re: Increasing social connections/social capital
« Reply #404 on: July 09, 2018, 01:23:56 PM »
We hosted a Canada Day bbq a week ago that was a huge hit!   So it is now an annual event.  :) I had had some anxiety about it but it all worked okay. 

And, I found a women's social meet-up group that has a book club going.  So I joined it and am going to my first book club meeting in 2 weeks.  It is quite close by too - extra bonus!  I am really excited about this - love reading + need to put myself out there and hopefully meet new friends.   The group does other things like going for brunch and to see fireworks as well. 


Dollar Slice

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Re: Increasing social connections/social capital
« Reply #405 on: July 09, 2018, 03:32:45 PM »
We hosted a Canada Day bbq a week ago that was a huge hit!   So it is now an annual event.  :) I had had some anxiety about it but it all worked okay. 

Nice! I've never hosted a party ever :-S  I mean, not since I was a kid when my mom was really hosting it.

Serendip

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Re: Increasing social connections/social capital
« Reply #406 on: July 09, 2018, 09:57:47 PM »
@Dollar Slice --you are doing so good, definitely have been experiencing heaps of new connections :)

@pachnik --good luck with the book club!
I have been 'soft' invited to join one as well, I think.  A friend has had me as a returning guest to her book club, one that doesn't regularly add new members as they keep it small and intimate (and have been meeting together a decade or so!) I've been invited again by another member to be her guest, so I think I am needling my way in there. It's a great group and definitely are more socially extroverted than my usual crew. I've already been invited to a wine-tasting as well..

Also, joined a hiking group. Have friends I hike with fairly regularly but as we often have different days off, I needed to expand my circle. Have only gone on one hike and will go for a few more to decided whether it's my speed or not.. The group seems a fair bit older but that doesn't really matter if they are experienced and love the outdoors.

pachnik

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Re: Increasing social connections/social capital
« Reply #407 on: July 10, 2018, 06:52:37 AM »
We'll see how the book club goes but I am really looking forward to it.  Two weeks from tonight!  It meets every other month but the meet-up group does other things as well.  I will keep my eyes open on a second book club if I enjoy this one.

The yoga class I go to on Tuesdays is quite non-social.  No surprise there I guess.  People come in, sit down and meditate or stretch and then when it is the end of the class, we just shuffle off home. 

Dollar Slice

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Re: Increasing social connections/social capital
« Reply #408 on: July 13, 2018, 04:26:30 PM »
Things have been going well with my social life (if nothing else...)

I asked a couple of people if they were [her name] and they said no, then I overheard someone asking some random lady "Hi, are you [Slicey]?" so I flagged her down. We clicked right away, and we ended up all hanging out for a few hours before and after the show. Sent Facebook request and we're all going out again tomorrow (part of the same music fest I had free tix to). Maybe a new friend in the making!

Saw her again over the weekend and this week she Facebook-messaged me to see what my plans are and if we might see each other in the next few days, and also to give me some sympathy/empathy about my job situation which I'd posted about on FB. I think we might hang out tomorrow.

Then a nice woman sat down next to me and started a (great) conversation. We talked music and politics and stuff until the concert started.

I was somewhat amazed when I got a Facebook friend request from this person yesterday... somehow she managed to track me down even though she only knew my first name (which is one of the most common female first names). It made me feel good, though, she told me she was "so glad" to meet someone who shared her taste in unusual music and politics... :-)

I also got invited to join a group that someone is starting to try and organize a Monday night concert series. I kind of don't want to because I think we'd all have to chip in money for it, but it could also be a pretty amazing opportunity to get involved in the music scene here, so... maybe. Maybe I'll ask how much they expect it to cost.

woopwoop

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Re: Increasing social connections/social capital
« Reply #409 on: July 13, 2018, 04:51:59 PM »
I accepted an invitation to go make jam with a few ladies I had never met before. Hey, maybe new mom friends, I thought...

"So how did you all meet?"
"A vaccine group on Facebook."

<awkward silence>

I... should have looked at their facebook profiles beforehand. Not making that mistake again! Fucking antivaxxers around here, it's like a new kind of epidemic that I can't inoculate myself against. I would have called them out or just left, but we had carpooled in so I was stuck there for hours. Oh well, when life hands you lunatics, just make jam, that's what I always say.

Astatine

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Re: Increasing social connections/social capital
« Reply #410 on: July 13, 2018, 11:17:14 PM »
Yay for those doing social stuff! Welcome @spartana And oh no MrsWhipple!!! Your last sentence made me laugh at least.

I haven’t been doing much. Been low on spoons. But, DH and I met up with a couple of friends at a community event today which was nice.

Hirondelle

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Re: Increasing social connections/social capital
« Reply #411 on: July 14, 2018, 03:06:57 AM »
I accepted an invitation to go make jam with a few ladies I had never met before. Hey, maybe new mom friends, I thought...

"So how did you all meet?"
"A vaccine group on Facebook."

<awkward silence>

I... should have looked at their facebook profiles beforehand. Not making that mistake again! Fucking antivaxxers around here, it's like a new kind of epidemic that I can't inoculate myself against. I would have called them out or just left, but we had carpooled in so I was stuck there for hours. Oh well, when life hands you lunatics, just make jam, that's what I always say.

That made me laugh. Will remember it whenever I run into a bunch of lunatics. Where they okay for the rest tho? Or just talking anti-vaxx and other similar stuff? Sometimes I enjoy hanging out with people whose views are so extremely different from mine because it gives me an idea of their way of thinking. Buy yeah if they're really plain idiots with no reason it's hard.

Hope the jam was good :p

HappierAtHome

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Re: Increasing social connections/social capital
« Reply #412 on: July 14, 2018, 04:37:57 AM »
We tested a new format for having friends over today: lunch and hanging with Ewok, then playing a board game while Ewok has his afternoon nap. It worked! (Probably would not work with more than a couple of friends, or with friends who are less understanding about babies, because noise levels matter). This is pleasing, as we've realised that boardgames at night are not a good option while we're so short on sleep.

Hirondelle

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Re: Increasing social connections/social capital
« Reply #413 on: July 15, 2018, 02:13:00 AM »
Hmmm not a very good match. Oh well, you tried your best. Just like anything making friends comes with failures too.

At least you've inspired me to make strawberry jam today - with priced down strawberries from the farmers market ofcourse.

Raymond Reddington

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Re: Increasing social connections/social capital
« Reply #414 on: July 15, 2018, 03:31:30 AM »

I'm focusing almost exclusively on meeting new people because my existing friendships are so transient. Most people I know are actively trying to move out of my hometown. I just found out last week that *another* friend, whom I'd hoped to get closer to, is moving to the other end of the country in a few months. This has happened to me over and over again for literally decades and it's so frustrating! I have plenty of online friends and connections, and a small social circle who all happens to live in another city (about 5 hours' drive for me, we'll actually be traveling to see them this weekend and I'm pretty excited about it); what I'm starved for is local friends with whom I can do things in person.


I can relate to this feeling so much!  Either they move, or they have babies and you know, in either case, you can stay friends of course, but it won't be the same and certainly not the same amount of time (if any at all).  I thought I was getting old enough that friends would no longer be having their first babies, but I accidentally made some friends that are a little younger than me, and poof!  From now on, I'm only making friends with people in their 60s or 70s!  Maybe they'll be less likely to move and almost for sure won't be having any babies!

Indeed. Sometimes we meet new adult people childless people. Amd then all of the sudden they are either getting a baby, or they devorse and the closest one goes to live with a guy with 4 children.
I also thing making friend with elderly people could make most sense. But they might become old soon and need help. Which to some degree is okay to give, but it would be nice to have friends who are equally fit as yourself to do stuff with.

This is an issue for us as well. Almost all of our couple friends have left our HCOL city. Pretty much everyone left is still single, and many have personality um, quirks, (relationship wise) that make it unlikely/difficult for them to get into relationships. I'd be fine with friends with kids if they still hung out, but none of them stay here. Not really into couples who use pets as surrogates for children however - nothing wrong with pets, for sure, but the concept of a "fur baby" disgusts me. We want to be around active couples, yet so many here just want to vegetate during time off, or do expensive activities like eating out or getting drinks at bars, or overpay for expensive "shows" and other live entertainment when there are so many other fun things to do. The single people, while fun to chill with in groups, often just complain about everything when we hang out, and that's not really our thing. I miss many of the friends who've left, but where we are just seems to be attracting different kinds of people. Lots of complainypants, lots of Tiny Detail Exaggeration Syndrome, lots of luxury chasing.

Dollar Slice

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Re: Increasing social connections/social capital
« Reply #415 on: July 23, 2018, 03:12:08 PM »
Haven't been terribly social the last week or two (ran into some friends, went to visit parents, but didn't actually make plans with any friends on purpose). Feeling a little isolated right now since I'm suddenly not working and don't have that built-in socializing five days a week.

So I invited a couple of people to go out and do stuff this week... one was very interested but wasn't sure yet, the other I never heard back. Trying to think of some other people I could invite to things this week that aren't likely to be flaky.

MaybeBabyMustache

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Re: Increasing social connections/social capital
« Reply #416 on: July 26, 2018, 08:10:59 PM »
New to the thread, but trying to branch out. We moved to the bay area 5 years ago, and are both caught up with work & don't invest the time to make friends. . . or harder, couples friends. We've had no one other than visiting family over to our house in five years, and we invited a group over for dinner on Saturday. It's the family of one of my son's friends, and they have been awesome & helpful with the kids.

We're making improvements on our house, so it's always in some form of disarray & makes me uncomfortable to host. But, if we wait for it to be perfect, we'll be waiting forever. :-)

Dollar Slice

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Re: Increasing social connections/social capital
« Reply #417 on: July 27, 2018, 01:48:51 AM »
Welcome, MaybeBaby! :-) Nice job on throwing a dinner party.

I managed to wring some social time out of this week. Tuesday I ran into a bunch of people I knew and was invited out to do something afterward (which I accepted, and ended up having a great 30+ min conversation with someone I have mostly just had casual/light conversation with in the past). Tonight a couple of people I'd invited came out and we all had a great time. Have a "maybe" for tomorrow and another couple of "maybes" for Saturday. And friends of mine are working at both of those events, so even if no one I invited shows up, I'll be supporting some friends if I go by myself.