I need to be on this thread.
Boyfriend and I are pretty socially isolated. We interact a lot with friends on social media - a large number of our close friends have moved away in the past few years - but seem to strike out regarding any sort of in person contact with local people. I'm not sure if we're somehow offending people, or our friends are largely just really flaky and unable to show up at a date and time they say they will, or what's going on. We get a lot of last minute cancellations, or we make plans and for whatever reason they don't happen. Recent examples:
- I make plans to go to the Women's March with a friend. We arrive separately (this was probably the fatal flaw but I wanted to minimize my standing-around-waiting-for-stuff-to-start time so I didn't get tired too quickly), and when I get there I message her asking where she is. No response. I hear back from her hours later, after we're both home, that she went with other people.
- While Boyfriend and I are both horribly sick with flu, a friend emails us: "Hey, when you guys are feeling better, why don't we all get drinks?" I respond, "Yes! We're still sick but when we recover, let's definitely do this." We recover. I check in with them again - "Hey, we're healthy now! When would be good?" Response: "OMG, we're so busy right now, we can't, so sorry." This was about a week after the initial invite. What happened?
I try not to take stuff personally. People have lives and stress and schedule problems. But this sort of thing happens a LOT, and after a while you start wondering if it's you.
Boyfriend is turning 50 in a month and he sent save-the-dates for an evening out, last month. A few people said they'd show - but we get so many last minute cancellations any time we make plans with people that I'm scared to death he won't have anyone come and celebrate his milestone. (Two of the "yes" RSVPs are the couple who invited us for drinks and then said "OMG too busy!")
So, clearly I need to make new connections with others who are reliable. I have no idea how to screen for this other than trial and error.
Right now, the other impediment is the 14 inches of snow on the ground. I can't blame people; I don't want to be out in that either.
I think we should start small - joining things, leaving our house to go to events we're interested in. Maybe some meetups. Hard sell when the weather's so bad but we can force ourselves.
Boyfriend, however, wants to leap right into inviting people over, which gives me a lot of anxiety because I'm not a great housekeeper and I've had close friends shame me because I missed some dirt somewhere even after I spent days scrubbing. (There was also a memorable incident where a friend turned on a ceiling fan that we'd literally never turned on since moving into our apartment, because I don't like them, and huge dust bunnies flew EVERYWHERE. I was mortified.) And yes, I know someone who shames you for not being clean enough is not really a friend, but again, how do you screen for that?