Author Topic: Increasing social connections/social capital  (Read 29820 times)

Linda_Norway

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 2970
Re: Increasing social connections/social capital
« Reply #400 on: June 18, 2018, 01:36:47 PM »

I'm focusing almost exclusively on meeting new people because my existing friendships are so transient. Most people I know are actively trying to move out of my hometown. I just found out last week that *another* friend, whom I'd hoped to get closer to, is moving to the other end of the country in a few months. This has happened to me over and over again for literally decades and it's so frustrating! I have plenty of online friends and connections, and a small social circle who all happens to live in another city (about 5 hours' drive for me, we'll actually be traveling to see them this weekend and I'm pretty excited about it); what I'm starved for is local friends with whom I can do things in person.


I can relate to this feeling so much!  Either they move, or they have babies and you know, in either case, you can stay friends of course, but it won't be the same and certainly not the same amount of time (if any at all).  I thought I was getting old enough that friends would no longer be having their first babies, but I accidentally made some friends that are a little younger than me, and poof!  From now on, I'm only making friends with people in their 60s or 70s!  Maybe they'll be less likely to move and almost for sure won't be having any babies!

Indeed. Sometimes we meet new adult people childless people. Amd then all of the sudden they are either getting a baby, or they devorse and the closest one goes to live with a guy with 4 children.
I also thing making friend with elderly people could make most sense. But they might become old soon and need help. Which to some degree is okay to give, but it would be nice to have friends who are equally fit as yourself to do stuff with.

Tris Prior

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1810
Re: Increasing social connections/social capital
« Reply #401 on: June 18, 2018, 07:11:30 PM »
Oh yes - throw children into the mix and we have an even harder time finding people who have time to socialize, for sure. I don't have kids and *I* barely have the time and energy!

You guys, I'm so excited - Boyfriend and I have been invited to a 4th of July cookout. This never happens to us. We always end up spending the holiday with just the two of us - we usually go to the beach and that's nice but I'm always a little sad that we're not hanging out with a fun group. I am really looking forward to this!

Dollar Slice

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 3094
  • Age: 41
  • Location: New York City
Re: Increasing social connections/social capital
« Reply #402 on: June 18, 2018, 07:53:48 PM »
Nice, Tris! 4th of July is such a weird holiday when you live in the city. You feel like you should be doing something but no one actually has space for a cookout, and fireworks can be kind of a nightmare with the crowds. I think last year was the first time I ever got invited to something by someone I wasn't related to. And it was like... 2PM on the 4th when I got the invite, so cutting it pretty close.

Today I invited someone I've never met to hang out on Wednesday. Should be interesting. He's visiting NYC from Europe and I ran into him commenting on Facebook (we have a mutual friend).
Referrals for...
Prolific Academic: http://www.prolific.ac/rp?ref=3PJ4H43L (Earn money by taking academic surveys - way better than mturk, I average ~$9/hr)
Robinhood: http://bit.ly/2uGXBPG (Get a free stock!)

Tris Prior

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1810
Re: Increasing social connections/social capital
« Reply #403 on: June 18, 2018, 08:55:16 PM »
Yeah - here in Chicago, sometimes folks will have a tiny yard in back of their building where they can grill, but it's not terribly common if you rent, like most people I know do. Our last building had a gas grill that the landlord (who lived below us) let us use and that was awesome. I miss it.

Fireworks are indeed horrid - we gave up on going to the actual fireworks grounds downtown years ago. You can see them from pretty much anywhere along the lakefront so we just hang out at the lake way far north, where we live, and watch them from a distance. But it's still crowded as hell, people are shooting off fireworks inches away from you even though they're illegal here, and everyone is smoking tons of weed. Then there are the people who shoot guns in the air in lieu of fireworks; I don't know if you get that in NYC too? it's a crazy time.

Dollar Slice

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 3094
  • Age: 41
  • Location: New York City
Re: Increasing social connections/social capital
« Reply #404 on: June 18, 2018, 09:06:54 PM »
I don't know if there are guns being fired, I haven't heard of that here. But people shoot illegal fireworks off the rooftops for days (I'm in Manhattan, so it's very dense with apartment buildings etc., totally insane place to light fireworks). It sounds like my neighborhood is under siege. I'm always paranoid about fires being started if a firework landed on the roof.

Last year I got invited to watch the fireworks from my friend's rooftop which is about ten stories up. You could see the big city display in the distance but we were surrounded by a dozen amateur/illegal ones in the neighborhood. Crazy.
Referrals for...
Prolific Academic: http://www.prolific.ac/rp?ref=3PJ4H43L (Earn money by taking academic surveys - way better than mturk, I average ~$9/hr)
Robinhood: http://bit.ly/2uGXBPG (Get a free stock!)

Astatine

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 3540
  • Location: Australia
  • Pronouns: they/them
Re: Increasing social connections/social capital
« Reply #405 on: June 19, 2018, 01:58:41 AM »
Yay Tris for getting the invite! Hope you have a fun time.

Dollar Slice

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 3094
  • Age: 41
  • Location: New York City
Re: Increasing social connections/social capital
« Reply #406 on: June 26, 2018, 09:46:57 PM »
Today I invited someone I've never met to hang out on Wednesday. Should be interesting. He's visiting NYC from Europe and I ran into him commenting on Facebook (we have a mutual friend).

This one ended up being pretty weird, but I think I managed it OK :-/

Since that night, I've been on a roll... I invited someone I haven't seen in a while to come out on Saturday night, and we hung out and it was fun. On Sunday I made a special effort to spend the day with family even though I'm not hugely fond of the people who were visiting (they're not terrible, just don't have a lot in common). A seven hour visit, I definitely had to stretch my social muscles a bit for that one. Monday I had won some concert tickets, and my #1 and #2 concert buddies weren't available, so I reached out to someone I don't know as well. He was really excited to come and we had a fun night out. We've been acquaintances for a while, but this was the first time we ever made plans to go out together on purpose instead of just meeting up in a group or something. We talked for almost an hour before the show and got to know each other better. He's been texting me a bit so I think we're going to be friends :-)  He's eccentric (and super frugal!), but really interesting and fun to talk to.

I'm taking a couple days off going out because I wore myself out, but on Thursday I've planned a really great night out with a good friend. Her husband is away this week so it's a girls' night out.

Have run into that guy I had the great conversation with three times since and never managed to talk to him :-S  Although there was significant non-verbal communication in the smiling and waving departments, and some kind of brief backwards-handshake-turned-wave-and-smile-as-I-walked-past thing which I was really quite proud of. Very casual, very suave. ;-)
Referrals for...
Prolific Academic: http://www.prolific.ac/rp?ref=3PJ4H43L (Earn money by taking academic surveys - way better than mturk, I average ~$9/hr)
Robinhood: http://bit.ly/2uGXBPG (Get a free stock!)

Linda_Norway

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 2970
Re: Increasing social connections/social capital
« Reply #407 on: June 27, 2018, 03:05:27 AM »
I asked an acquaintance/friend if she would be willing to join me in a side-gig. The side-gig involved giving a theoretical course, go pick mushrooms and cook food with them. I guess I could do it all myself, but I don't want to do the cooking aspect and the chaos with letting 12 people cook. Nice to get help from a someone who has given such a cooking course before. She was positive to help. Now I just need some more info about dates and budget.

Astatine

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 3540
  • Location: Australia
  • Pronouns: they/them
Re: Increasing social connections/social capital
« Reply #408 on: June 27, 2018, 03:54:10 AM »
I went out last weekend with some friends to have some food that was on special at a particular cafe. That was fun but we sat outside and it was soooo cold. So we left after about 1 1/2 hours.

I had lunch with someone at work this week (usually I eat by myself and read stuff on my phone).

This weekend I don't have much on except for a forum meet up.

Raenia

  • Pencil Stache
  • ****
  • Posts: 536
Re: Increasing social connections/social capital
« Reply #409 on: June 27, 2018, 07:43:36 AM »
Got married over the weekend, and it was a really great chance to catch up with some people I haven't seen in a long time.  I was able to sit down and have a full conversation with several people I hadn't seen in a decade or more, as well as regular chatting with just about everyone else.  There were only 2-3 people I didn't get to talk with, because they had to leave early unexpectedly.

Also made a commitment to keep in better touch with a couple of our friends who we found out will be moving out of the country at the end of the year.  We will try to visit them in their distant state once before the move, and we're talking about setting up regular chats/games once they are abroad.
« Last Edit: June 27, 2018, 07:45:23 AM by Raenia »

Dollar Slice

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 3094
  • Age: 41
  • Location: New York City
Re: Increasing social connections/social capital
« Reply #410 on: June 27, 2018, 10:26:14 AM »
Got married over the weekend

Incredible commitment to upping your social connections! ;-) 

Congratulations :-)
Referrals for...
Prolific Academic: http://www.prolific.ac/rp?ref=3PJ4H43L (Earn money by taking academic surveys - way better than mturk, I average ~$9/hr)
Robinhood: http://bit.ly/2uGXBPG (Get a free stock!)

Serendip

  • Bristles
  • ***
  • Posts: 401
Re: Increasing social connections/social capital
« Reply #411 on: June 27, 2018, 10:30:29 AM »
Got married over the weekend, and it was a really great chance to catch up with some people I haven't seen in a long time.  I was able to sit down and have a full conversation with several people I hadn't seen in a decade or more, as well as regular chatting with just about everyone else.  There were only 2-3 people I didn't get to talk with, because they had to leave early unexpectedly.

Also made a commitment to keep in better touch with a couple of our friends who we found out will be moving out of the country at the end of the year.  We will try to visit them in their distant state once before the move, and we're talking about setting up regular chats/games once they are abroad.

Congratulation @Raenia! Weddings can be a great time to pull together old friends and family..most of my friends are already married or have chosen not to legally marry their partners/hold a wedding so I sometimes miss the celebratory gathering of people that happens at these events :)

pachnik

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1677
  • Age: 54
  • Location: Vancouver, BC
Re: Increasing social connections/social capital
« Reply #412 on: June 27, 2018, 10:32:02 AM »
On Canada Day, we are hosting a bbq - about 15 people in all.  Pretty much all family - some that we see often and some that we don't see often.  I am pretty excited (and a bit nervous) about it. 

After, my husband and I are going to join a local meet-up group for socializing. 

Dollar Slice

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 3094
  • Age: 41
  • Location: New York City
Re: Increasing social connections/social capital
« Reply #413 on: June 29, 2018, 10:42:29 PM »
Ended up having a Very Bad Week this week and really wanted to just curl up and hide, but instead reached out and offered to save a seat for a friend at a concert we had free tickets to, because I know he works late and couldn't get there early. He said 'yes please' and told me he had a friend joining him, and texted us both to look for each other so we could all sit together. I asked a couple of people if they were [her name] and they said no, then I overheard someone asking some random lady "Hi, are you [Slicey]?" so I flagged her down. We clicked right away, and we ended up all hanging out for a few hours before and after the show. Sent Facebook request and we're all going out again tomorrow (part of the same music fest I had free tix to). Maybe a new friend in the making! Have also been getting daily texts from the guy I invited out Monday night so I think we have definitely achieved a new, higher friend level :-) Today I invited him to another free event next Friday that I thought he would like.
Referrals for...
Prolific Academic: http://www.prolific.ac/rp?ref=3PJ4H43L (Earn money by taking academic surveys - way better than mturk, I average ~$9/hr)
Robinhood: http://bit.ly/2uGXBPG (Get a free stock!)

MrsWhipple

  • Bristles
  • ***
  • Posts: 399
Re: Increasing social connections/social capital
« Reply #414 on: June 30, 2018, 10:19:27 PM »
Woo, good on you for pushing yourself out of the comfort zone of being curled up and hidden!

I had a flipping awesome day today - went to a delicious 8-course gourmet breakfast at a farmer's market with a friend who got free tickets. Then went to visit a mustachian friend I hadn't seen in two years and we ate delicious things and drank tea and talked for a couple of hours. And then spent the rest of the evening at the river with my baby and husband. All in all a wonderful and sociable day.

Now I'm curled up and hiding while the husband puts the baby to sleep, ha.

Hirondelle

  • Pencil Stache
  • ****
  • Posts: 877
Re: Increasing social connections/social capital
« Reply #415 on: July 01, 2018, 10:20:04 AM »
Had a really good and fun social impulse yesterday. Living on the other side of the country, I ran into someone from my high school class while walking through the city center! Turns out he'd moved here 1.5 years ago. Very few people from my hometown move this far away so I was pretty convinced I was the only one over here and so was he. We ended up chatting for an hour in the middle of the shopping street. Turns out he literally lives two streets away from me. Still can't believe how someone from my own class lives in my city and no one ever told me ashometown is a pretty close community so when you tell them "I moved to city X" they'll usually reply with "Oh do you know [person]? He lives there too!" if there's someone else, esp if you're the same age.

Well.. that evening he texted me if I wanted to join him and his gf in the park for some drinks. Some drinks in the park became many drinks and unexpectedly lasted till sunrise (5 AM). It was some pretty good fun! So funny how we were barely in touch back in high school and got along great now. Seems like this was the easiest add to my local friend list so far + it might provide me with some rides back home once in a while which saves money and an hour in public transport.
« Last Edit: July 01, 2018, 10:22:43 AM by Hirondelle »

Dollar Slice

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 3094
  • Age: 41
  • Location: New York City
Re: Increasing social connections/social capital
« Reply #416 on: July 09, 2018, 01:00:31 PM »
Had a super social week last week... Tuesday ended up going out with the guy I mentioned getting texts from last week - I was having a really bad day and he texted to see if I wanted to go out and do something, so that was really nice. Thursday I invited a bunch of people (including that same guy) to join me at a concert. When I got there no one I knew had showed up, so I sat somewhere by myself feeling a little mopey. Then a nice woman sat down next to me and started a (great) conversation. We talked music and politics and stuff until the concert started. A couple of the people I had invited showed up eventually, and I ended up talking to them plus a musician I know during the intermission/after the show. Two of them gave me big hugs, which was nice since last week was really hard. :-)

Friday I went to a big event that I knew a couple of friends would be at. I'd prepared a map/program of the event in Photoshop because it was sort of secretive - the venue wasn't announcing the details in advance, but I'd gotten them from a friend. A bunch of people (acquaintances and friends-of-friends) ended up using my map (which I offered to text to them) or just following me because I was one of the only people who really knew where/when everything was. Offering a useful service: great way to connect with people :-)  And... what else. Oh, Saturday I went to see a band for $10 because a friend of mine was playing in it. He seemed really pleased that I'd turned up.

This week I have no plans with anyone at all and I'm feeling a little bummed about it...
Referrals for...
Prolific Academic: http://www.prolific.ac/rp?ref=3PJ4H43L (Earn money by taking academic surveys - way better than mturk, I average ~$9/hr)
Robinhood: http://bit.ly/2uGXBPG (Get a free stock!)

pachnik

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1677
  • Age: 54
  • Location: Vancouver, BC
Re: Increasing social connections/social capital
« Reply #417 on: July 09, 2018, 01:23:56 PM »
We hosted a Canada Day bbq a week ago that was a huge hit!   So it is now an annual event.  :) I had had some anxiety about it but it all worked okay. 

And, I found a women's social meet-up group that has a book club going.  So I joined it and am going to my first book club meeting in 2 weeks.  It is quite close by too - extra bonus!  I am really excited about this - love reading + need to put myself out there and hopefully meet new friends.   The group does other things like going for brunch and to see fireworks as well. 


Dollar Slice

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 3094
  • Age: 41
  • Location: New York City
Re: Increasing social connections/social capital
« Reply #418 on: July 09, 2018, 03:32:45 PM »
We hosted a Canada Day bbq a week ago that was a huge hit!   So it is now an annual event.  :) I had had some anxiety about it but it all worked okay. 

Nice! I've never hosted a party ever :-S  I mean, not since I was a kid when my mom was really hosting it.
Referrals for...
Prolific Academic: http://www.prolific.ac/rp?ref=3PJ4H43L (Earn money by taking academic surveys - way better than mturk, I average ~$9/hr)
Robinhood: http://bit.ly/2uGXBPG (Get a free stock!)

Serendip

  • Bristles
  • ***
  • Posts: 401
Re: Increasing social connections/social capital
« Reply #419 on: July 09, 2018, 09:57:47 PM »
@Dollar Slice --you are doing so good, definitely have been experiencing heaps of new connections :)

@pachnik --good luck with the book club!
I have been 'soft' invited to join one as well, I think.  A friend has had me as a returning guest to her book club, one that doesn't regularly add new members as they keep it small and intimate (and have been meeting together a decade or so!) I've been invited again by another member to be her guest, so I think I am needling my way in there. It's a great group and definitely are more socially extroverted than my usual crew. I've already been invited to a wine-tasting as well..

Also, joined a hiking group. Have friends I hike with fairly regularly but as we often have different days off, I needed to expand my circle. Have only gone on one hike and will go for a few more to decided whether it's my speed or not.. The group seems a fair bit older but that doesn't really matter if they are experienced and love the outdoors.

pachnik

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1677
  • Age: 54
  • Location: Vancouver, BC
Re: Increasing social connections/social capital
« Reply #420 on: July 10, 2018, 06:52:37 AM »
We'll see how the book club goes but I am really looking forward to it.  Two weeks from tonight!  It meets every other month but the meet-up group does other things as well.  I will keep my eyes open on a second book club if I enjoy this one.

The yoga class I go to on Tuesdays is quite non-social.  No surprise there I guess.  People come in, sit down and meditate or stretch and then when it is the end of the class, we just shuffle off home. 

Dollar Slice

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 3094
  • Age: 41
  • Location: New York City
Re: Increasing social connections/social capital
« Reply #421 on: July 13, 2018, 04:26:30 PM »
Things have been going well with my social life (if nothing else...)

I asked a couple of people if they were [her name] and they said no, then I overheard someone asking some random lady "Hi, are you [Slicey]?" so I flagged her down. We clicked right away, and we ended up all hanging out for a few hours before and after the show. Sent Facebook request and we're all going out again tomorrow (part of the same music fest I had free tix to). Maybe a new friend in the making!

Saw her again over the weekend and this week she Facebook-messaged me to see what my plans are and if we might see each other in the next few days, and also to give me some sympathy/empathy about my job situation which I'd posted about on FB. I think we might hang out tomorrow.

Then a nice woman sat down next to me and started a (great) conversation. We talked music and politics and stuff until the concert started.

I was somewhat amazed when I got a Facebook friend request from this person yesterday... somehow she managed to track me down even though she only knew my first name (which is one of the most common female first names). It made me feel good, though, she told me she was "so glad" to meet someone who shared her taste in unusual music and politics... :-)

I also got invited to join a group that someone is starting to try and organize a Monday night concert series. I kind of don't want to because I think we'd all have to chip in money for it, but it could also be a pretty amazing opportunity to get involved in the music scene here, so... maybe. Maybe I'll ask how much they expect it to cost.
Referrals for...
Prolific Academic: http://www.prolific.ac/rp?ref=3PJ4H43L (Earn money by taking academic surveys - way better than mturk, I average ~$9/hr)
Robinhood: http://bit.ly/2uGXBPG (Get a free stock!)

MrsWhipple

  • Bristles
  • ***
  • Posts: 399
Re: Increasing social connections/social capital
« Reply #422 on: July 13, 2018, 04:51:59 PM »
I accepted an invitation to go make jam with a few ladies I had never met before. Hey, maybe new mom friends, I thought...

"So how did you all meet?"
"A vaccine group on Facebook."

<awkward silence>

I... should have looked at their facebook profiles beforehand. Not making that mistake again! Fucking antivaxxers around here, it's like a new kind of epidemic that I can't inoculate myself against. I would have called them out or just left, but we had carpooled in so I was stuck there for hours. Oh well, when life hands you lunatics, just make jam, that's what I always say.

spartana

  • 5 O'Clock Shadow
  • *
  • Posts: 72
Re: Increasing social connections/social capital
« Reply #423 on: July 13, 2018, 07:44:28 PM »
PTF. Haven't read any of this thread yet but seems like something a single (divorced), childless, middle aged, very mustashian, low income and mostly deaf FIREd person needs to read. I have a decent social life but it can be hard sometimes since I often feel like an outsider when amongst "normal" people.
Retired at 42

Astatine

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 3540
  • Location: Australia
  • Pronouns: they/them
Re: Increasing social connections/social capital
« Reply #424 on: July 13, 2018, 11:17:14 PM »
Yay for those doing social stuff! Welcome @spartana And oh no MrsWhipple!!! Your last sentence made me laugh at least.

I haven’t been doing much. Been low on spoons. But, DH and I met up with a couple of friends at a community event today which was nice.

Hirondelle

  • Pencil Stache
  • ****
  • Posts: 877
Re: Increasing social connections/social capital
« Reply #425 on: July 14, 2018, 03:06:57 AM »
I accepted an invitation to go make jam with a few ladies I had never met before. Hey, maybe new mom friends, I thought...

"So how did you all meet?"
"A vaccine group on Facebook."

<awkward silence>

I... should have looked at their facebook profiles beforehand. Not making that mistake again! Fucking antivaxxers around here, it's like a new kind of epidemic that I can't inoculate myself against. I would have called them out or just left, but we had carpooled in so I was stuck there for hours. Oh well, when life hands you lunatics, just make jam, that's what I always say.

That made me laugh. Will remember it whenever I run into a bunch of lunatics. Where they okay for the rest tho? Or just talking anti-vaxx and other similar stuff? Sometimes I enjoy hanging out with people whose views are so extremely different from mine because it gives me an idea of their way of thinking. Buy yeah if they're really plain idiots with no reason it's hard.

Hope the jam was good :p

HappierAtHome

  • Walrus Stache
  • *******
  • Posts: 7915
  • Location: Australia
Re: Increasing social connections/social capital
« Reply #426 on: July 14, 2018, 04:37:57 AM »
We tested a new format for having friends over today: lunch and hanging with Ewok, then playing a board game while Ewok has his afternoon nap. It worked! (Probably would not work with more than a couple of friends, or with friends who are less understanding about babies, because noise levels matter). This is pleasing, as we've realised that boardgames at night are not a good option while we're so short on sleep.

MrsWhipple

  • Bristles
  • ***
  • Posts: 399
Re: Increasing social connections/social capital
« Reply #427 on: July 14, 2018, 12:33:45 PM »
That made me laugh. Will remember it whenever I run into a bunch of lunatics. Where they okay for the rest tho? Or just talking anti-vaxx and other similar stuff?
Mostly it was fine, although they started talking about how consumeristic society is and I was like "hey, cool" and then they started making fun of people who have Coach purses and I just kind of looked over at my Coach purse sitting on the table and was like "are they talking about me? I think they're talking about me. I got this thing as a gift five years ago, wtf." Really judgy against anyone who wasn't in lockstep with their particular brand of newageism. I think they hated me a bit for contaminating the jam with my nonorganic sugar. And I was judging them for being so judgy, so I guess I'm just as bad.

And we didn't put in enough pectin so the jam turned out a bit runny but w/e. 

Hirondelle

  • Pencil Stache
  • ****
  • Posts: 877
Re: Increasing social connections/social capital
« Reply #428 on: Today at 02:13:00 AM »
Hmmm not a very good match. Oh well, you tried your best. Just like anything making friends comes with failures too.

At least you've inspired me to make strawberry jam today - with priced down strawberries from the farmers market ofcourse.

Raymond Reddington

  • 5 O'Clock Shadow
  • *
  • Posts: 72
  • Age: 2014
  • Location: NYC
  • "The Concierge of Cash"
Re: Increasing social connections/social capital
« Reply #429 on: Today at 03:31:30 AM »

I'm focusing almost exclusively on meeting new people because my existing friendships are so transient. Most people I know are actively trying to move out of my hometown. I just found out last week that *another* friend, whom I'd hoped to get closer to, is moving to the other end of the country in a few months. This has happened to me over and over again for literally decades and it's so frustrating! I have plenty of online friends and connections, and a small social circle who all happens to live in another city (about 5 hours' drive for me, we'll actually be traveling to see them this weekend and I'm pretty excited about it); what I'm starved for is local friends with whom I can do things in person.


I can relate to this feeling so much!  Either they move, or they have babies and you know, in either case, you can stay friends of course, but it won't be the same and certainly not the same amount of time (if any at all).  I thought I was getting old enough that friends would no longer be having their first babies, but I accidentally made some friends that are a little younger than me, and poof!  From now on, I'm only making friends with people in their 60s or 70s!  Maybe they'll be less likely to move and almost for sure won't be having any babies!

Indeed. Sometimes we meet new adult people childless people. Amd then all of the sudden they are either getting a baby, or they devorse and the closest one goes to live with a guy with 4 children.
I also thing making friend with elderly people could make most sense. But they might become old soon and need help. Which to some degree is okay to give, but it would be nice to have friends who are equally fit as yourself to do stuff with.

This is an issue for us as well. Almost all of our couple friends have left our HCOL city. Pretty much everyone left is still single, and many have personality um, quirks, (relationship wise) that make it unlikely/difficult for them to get into relationships. I'd be fine with friends with kids if they still hung out, but none of them stay here. Not really into couples who use pets as surrogates for children however - nothing wrong with pets, for sure, but the concept of a "fur baby" disgusts me. We want to be around active couples, yet so many here just want to vegetate during time off, or do expensive activities like eating out or getting drinks at bars, or overpay for expensive "shows" and other live entertainment when there are so many other fun things to do. The single people, while fun to chill with in groups, often just complain about everything when we hang out, and that's not really our thing. I miss many of the friends who've left, but where we are just seems to be attracting different kinds of people. Lots of complainypants, lots of Tiny Detail Exaggeration Syndrome, lots of luxury chasing.
"The reality about transportation is that it's future oriented. If we're planning for what we have, we're behind the curve." -Anthony Foxx

"Silence is the best way of saying f*** you"