Author Topic: Increasing social connections/social capital  (Read 31849 times)

Dollar Slice

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 3276
  • Age: 41
  • Location: New York City
Re: Increasing social connections/social capital
« Reply #250 on: April 05, 2018, 12:35:29 PM »
XKCD still gets us:



We'll figure out small talk one of these days. :-)

Serendip

  • Bristles
  • ***
  • Posts: 436
Re: Increasing social connections/social capital
« Reply #251 on: April 05, 2018, 01:32:11 PM »
@Dollar Slice Too good. and too true.

rosarugosa

  • Stubble
  • **
  • Posts: 101
  • Location: Eastern Massachusetts
Re: Increasing social connections/social capital
« Reply #252 on: April 05, 2018, 04:42:13 PM »

Hirondelle

  • Pencil Stache
  • ****
  • Posts: 960
Re: Increasing social connections/social capital
« Reply #253 on: April 06, 2018, 01:02:17 AM »
My travel besties had a reunion yesterday without me (meh, distance sucks) and watched travel photos/videos and then we made a video call where they'd take turns holding the phone in front of the TV screen so I could also see it and talk with them about aaaaall the memories and the embarrassing drunk videos.

Tickets to visit one of them next month: check.

Dollar Slice

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 3276
  • Age: 41
  • Location: New York City
Re: Increasing social connections/social capital
« Reply #254 on: April 07, 2018, 09:58:45 PM »
After massive social overstimulation on Thursday/Friday at work (four people I'd never met were visiting from the company that just hired me and I had to be 100% ON the entire time) I really want to drag myself into a cave forever. But I know it will wear off after a few days, so I'm trying to make plans with friends for the next couple of weeks so I don't come out of my cave with nothing to do for the foreseeable future. Invited some friends to go out on Tuesday; will see a friend from out of town on Thursday; and posted on Facebook about an event next weekend to see if I can get someone to come with me.

Tris Prior

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1903
Re: Increasing social connections/social capital
« Reply #255 on: April 10, 2018, 07:41:37 PM »
Had kind of a negative experience at a voter registration volunteer training event yesterday. I got there, there was a very brief meet 'n greet in which I got to introduce myself to one person before we were told to find seats because the training was going to begin shortly.

The room was pretty full. I asked someone if a seat was taken, was told it was not, sat there, said a warm "hello" to my table-mates..... two women across the table who literally *looked down their noses* at me. I always thought that was a figure of speech but I got the full visual. They were very well-dressed, about my age, both had large rocks on their fingers.... hm, maybe it was my purple hair and stripey tights that put them off? They then pointedly turned toward each other and started conversing about their children. Well, OK then!

I'm laughing about it now - because seriously, who does that?! - but at the time I couldn't help thinking that if I'd picked a better seat I might have gotten some good conversation out of the evening. Oh well. Maybe at the actual volunteer voter registration drives that I'm now trained for, I'll meet friendlier folks.

Dollar Slice, I hear you on overstimulation. We had three very social (for us) weekends in a row and last weekend we just cocooned. This weekend we have a couple of date nights planned, one of which might involve us seeing other acquaintances. Or maybe not. Then we leave for London a week from Friday - where we will see some old friends whom we haven't seen in years. Then we'll probably need some recovery time. Being an introvert can really suck!

Dollar Slice

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 3276
  • Age: 41
  • Location: New York City
Re: Increasing social connections/social capital
« Reply #256 on: April 10, 2018, 10:49:28 PM »
Sorry you ran into those witches! You probably wouldn't have had a good time talking to them anyway, if they are so snobbish or uptight or whatever. I've had that happen once or twice too, you say something friendly and they look at you like you're a cockroach or something.

Wins: I convinced a third friend to come out tonight in addition to the original two I invited, and then convinced all three of them to come out on Thursday with me and my out of town friend. Also struck up a conversation with someone who I've seen around a few times but never talked to. I didn't like him that much, but it was better than staring at my phone for 15 minutes waiting for my friends.

Less successful: saw two friends across the room and never said hi.

Trifele

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1350
  • Location: US
Re: Increasing social connections/social capital
« Reply #257 on: April 13, 2018, 04:42:01 AM »
Made a family date with some new friends to go hiking tomorrow, with dinner after.  These friends have been really kind to us after DH had a bad accident in the fall.  I really like them a lot, and I wish they (a) lived closer and (b) we all had different work schedules so we could see them more.  Great people.

Dollar Slice

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 3276
  • Age: 41
  • Location: New York City
Re: Increasing social connections/social capital
« Reply #258 on: April 13, 2018, 12:38:33 PM »
I over-socialed again last night - whoo! Although I was already so fried when I started that I don't really feel any different afterwards. Met up with a couple of friends for drinks and went to a concert with another friend, and in the process I randomly ran into 15-20 more friends, one or two at a time - five on the street, three in the lobby, five in the aisles, one in the ladies' room, etc... plus two different people who walked up to introduce themselves (one was an online acquaintance, one was a stranger). The social event of the season, I guess!

Maximum serendipity award goes to the guy who walked into the bar where I was having drinks with friends, and we did the "wait, don't I know you from somewhere?" look, and then I realized he was the guy who had smiled and waved at me on Bleecker Street at 11:30PM Tuesday night and I'd had no idea who he was or why he was smiling and waving at me. Now I know why, and we've been introduced properly. Maybe he'll be a friend someday, he seemed very outgoing and nice. :-)  I'm consistently weirded out by how often I randomly run into the same people like that, in such a big city...

I made plans for Saturday night with a friend that I really like, but we often go many months without seeing each other. She never really initiates plans (which makes me feel weird about always being the one to ask) but then she always seems thrilled when I invite her to do something. Maybe she is just shy about asking me to do things.

pekklemafia

  • 5 O'Clock Shadow
  • *
  • Posts: 47
  • Location: Canada
Re: Increasing social connections/social capital
« Reply #259 on: April 13, 2018, 01:06:08 PM »
Posting to follow and perhaps do a little sharing! This is probably one of the most encouraging and positive threads on here, which is a breath of fresh air :)

It's still winter here (has been for the past 8 months, wth) so socializing has definitely been a challenge. I'm also one of those people who prefers quality connection over small talk, but I can totally appreciate that small talk and any kind of interaction counts when you've got social anxiety. I tend to stay in the shadows on social media, but this thread has made me realize that even a social media interaction can be beneficial in its own way :) So maybe I will leave a few more comments here and there.

My partner and I are definitely trying to expand our social circle and also try to include people who feel lonely or isolated... I totally know how it feels having to start from scratch in a new city, or feeling like you don't fit in with your old circles anymore.

Today, I:
- talked to my coworker about weekend plans
- am texting with a good friend about plans/life in general
- debating on whether or not to go to a book club meeting tonight... I didn't read the book though /shame


sui generis

  • Bristles
  • ***
  • Posts: 410
Re: Increasing social connections/social capital
« Reply #260 on: April 13, 2018, 03:51:10 PM »
I went to lunch with my college roommate, who is in town for work.  It was so fun, which was really nice, because we've grown apart a bit in recent years as she's gotten more conservative, had kids, and really bought into materialism, while I've gone the other way in like every possible way.  Actually her husband not being there really helps, because he's sort of an a$$hole.  It's nice to have a positive reconnection with someone when you had a mediocre one the last time you were together, to set things back on a positive note.

Work is so hard though, because it's like a social desert here.  The one person I had a positive interaction with today is someone that really likes me (possibly for my ethnic heritage, I suspect!) but everyone else talks shit about her, and she's retiring in a few months. She saved me a homebaked cookie, which was very sweet!  But bummer that one of the few people I can have a pleasant chat with is leaving soon (and I don't understand why everyone thinks she's so cranky!).

Hirondelle

  • Pencil Stache
  • ****
  • Posts: 960
Re: Increasing social connections/social capital
« Reply #261 on: April 14, 2018, 02:26:45 AM »
Went for lunch with a friend on Thursday. We hadn't met in 3 months and only been texting. He suggested to go for a coffee this weekend. He keeps complaining about how broke he is though, so I might need to get him into more mustachian habits than coffees and lunches.

Trifele

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1350
  • Location: US
Re: Increasing social connections/social capital
« Reply #262 on: April 14, 2018, 04:42:06 AM »
Got a text from a friend last night asking if we wanted to get together next week.  :) She is leaving town soon to move cross country.  :(   But on the plus side, I will now have a friend in that state and can probably drop in/stay with her if I'm passing through on my travels. 

Carrie

  • Pencil Stache
  • ****
  • Posts: 602
Re: Increasing social connections/social capital
« Reply #263 on: April 14, 2018, 06:33:06 AM »
New family moved to our neighborhood a few months ago and I've slowly getting to know the lady. I just found out yesterday when we were visiting that we enjoy the same movies and she's not a Trump supporter! It's crazy how I feel like I need to find out the thing about DT (red state) before I can invest much time in developing a friendship. I never cared that much before, now it's kind of a character test. Hah!

pbkmaine

  • Walrus Stache
  • *******
  • Posts: 7457
  • Age: 61
  • Location: The Villages, Florida
Re: Increasing social connections/social capital
« Reply #264 on: April 14, 2018, 01:08:56 PM »
XKCD still gets us:



We'll figure out small talk one of these days. :-)

My uncle (now 97) owned a restaurant for many years, so he knows how to make small talk. He always starts with the weather. What it’s like today, whether it’s been especially hot or cold, how windy it is. This can then expand to local farmers (he lives in central Pennsylvania), traffic, how people drive in different kinds of weather. Depending on the responses he gets, the conversation can proceed to historic weather patterns, history of the area, and transportation trends. I have learned a lot from watching him work.

furrychickens

  • Walrus Stache
  • *******
  • Posts: 7326
  • Age: 34
  • Location: SE WI
  • Homeschooling and homestesding since 2013
Re: Increasing social connections/social capital
« Reply #265 on: April 15, 2018, 07:21:49 AM »
Reading through the back posts on the thread still. My biggest gain has been finding a homeschool group we click with. Still working on developing deeper friendships outside of my marriage. Would love to have 1-2 really good friends, not quite to the intimacy level I truly desire yet with any of my friends and not feeling super connected with my wife either at the moment.

Hirondelle

  • Pencil Stache
  • ****
  • Posts: 960
Re: Increasing social connections/social capital
« Reply #266 on: April 15, 2018, 07:35:52 AM »
Went for lunch with a friend on Thursday. We hadn't met in 3 months and only been texting. He suggested to go for a coffee this weekend. He keeps complaining about how broke he is though, so I might need to get him into more mustachian habits than coffees and lunches.

So coffee yesterday turned into 3 coffees and a sandwich (oops) bit it was a looooad of fun. He's one of those people that doesn't take himself too seriously and that you can have fanatic discussions with about sensitive topics without offending each other. Me likes.

Trifele

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1350
  • Location: US
Re: Increasing social connections/social capital
« Reply #267 on: April 15, 2018, 09:19:14 AM »
So in our new area not one single neighbor has come to say hello to us in the two years we have been here.  (We live in the country, but there is a 'neighborhood' of sorts on this side of the valley.)  So I've been on a slow-motion mission to meet them all.  The kids and I have literally been knocking on doors, introducing ourselves, and giving a gift from our garden or some eggs from our chickens. 

We've met some nice people, but so far no clear friend opportunities.   Some of the neighbors seemed most interested in getting us to join their church (not interested) so those families are a no-go for friendships.   We still have two houses to go.   I have hopes for one of the families especially, since they reportedly have a son about the same age as ours, and our guy could use another friend.  Fingers crossed. 

Would also love to meet a nice neighbor we could exchange garden or animal care with, when we go out of town. 

Classical_Liberal

  • Pencil Stache
  • ****
  • Posts: 967
  • Age: 42
Re: Increasing social connections/social capital
« Reply #268 on: April 15, 2018, 10:05:09 AM »
The room was pretty full. I asked someone if a seat was taken, was told it was not, sat there, said a warm "hello" to my table-mates..... two women across the table who literally *looked down their noses* at me. I always thought that was a figure of speech but I got the full visual. They were very well-dressed, about my age, both had large rocks on their fingers.... hm, maybe it was my purple hair and stripey tights that put them off? They then pointedly turned toward each other and started conversing about their children. Well, OK then!

You just met the wrong people.  I'm a pretty conservative dressing older guy, when at events like this I seek people like you (someone who seems, visually, a bit out of place) and try to make friendly.  Fuddy-duddys have boring lives and no stories to tell, don't give up.

Dollar Slice

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 3276
  • Age: 41
  • Location: New York City
Re: Increasing social connections/social capital
« Reply #269 on: April 15, 2018, 10:08:20 AM »
I made plans for Saturday night with a friend that I really like, but we often go many months without seeing each other.

This went really great! :-)  We talked really deeply for hours, including discussion of minimalism, budgeting, and living an intentional and unconventional life to maximize happiness.

Responding to something Pekklemafia said a couple of days ago: of course small talk is not fulfilling on some deep level, but that's how you meet people. Everyone is a stranger the first time you talk! The person I went out with for five hours last night is someone I sat next to at a concert and randomly started talking to a few years ago. I moved to a new city in 2014 and almost all my good friends here are just people I started talking to (or they started talking to me) while out and about. There are so many connections out there to be made and you never know which one will stick.

And yeah, it's also great practice when you have social anxiety, if you get used to talking to strangers you'll have an easier time with a lot of necessary life moments that would otherwise be difficult. I remember the exact moment in 2004 when my very shy self was faced with a terrifying social situation (a party where I'd literally never met anyone there), I just had a moment where I said to myself: this is it. Just do it. Pretend you have self confidence and see what happens. Act like an extrovert. Talk to people and introduce yourself. And it worked! I'm still close friends with a couple of people I met that night.

Serendip

  • Bristles
  • ***
  • Posts: 436
Re: Increasing social connections/social capital
« Reply #270 on: April 15, 2018, 10:14:14 AM »
Posting to follow and perhaps do a little sharing! This is probably one of the most encouraging and positive threads on here, which is a breath of fresh air :)

It's still winter here (has been for the past 8 months, wth) so socializing has definitely been a challenge. I'm also one of those people who prefers quality connection over small talk, but I can totally appreciate that small talk and any kind of interaction counts when you've got social anxiety. I tend to stay in the shadows on social media, but this thread has made me realize that even a social media interaction can be beneficial in its own way :) So maybe I will leave a few more comments here and there.

My partner and I are definitely trying to expand our social circle and also try to include people who feel lonely or isolated... I totally know how it feels having to start from scratch in a new city, or feeling like you don't fit in with your old circles anymore.


Inclusion is such a generous approach to life @pekklemafia --keep us posted :)

I oftentimes won't go out of my way to singularily invite people to do things (don't wish to over-promise when I know my social abilities are limited), so I often will put out a general invite. As in..."here is what I/we are doing, if anyone wants to join in, message me"..which tends to result in a few takers and a nice mix too.

Successes: Had two people join in on cold-water plunges in the lake last week

and at an event with SO, I sat at the opposite end of the table so that I could meet someone new (this event tends to have the same people every year, but this year one fellow brought his wife who I'd never met)  She is an artist and I suspected we would get along--it was so pleasant to have a new, easy connection and they invited us to visit them at their island home this summer.
Glad I took the uncharacteristic risk of sitting with someone I didn't know.

And @Dollar Slice , as per usual, spot on
 "Just do it. Pretend you have self confidence and see what happens. Act like an extrovert. Talk to people and introduce yourself. And it worked! I'm still close friends with a couple of people I met that night"

pachnik

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1691
  • Age: 54
  • Location: Vancouver, BC
Re: Increasing social connections/social capital
« Reply #271 on: April 15, 2018, 10:16:57 AM »
I am continuing with my plan of talking to people I don't know well at my Saturday morning meetings.   

I am also going to invite people that I know quite well out for maybe a walk, or breakfast before the meeting.  So next Sat. morning, I am going for breakfast with a member I've know for a long time.   

Also, last week I went to a Tuesday night yoga class at my local community centre.  You can't chat during the class but you can before and after.  Not sure how this will go but I really like yoga anyway.   

I've been enjoying reading other people's writing on this thread.

Hirondelle

  • Pencil Stache
  • ****
  • Posts: 960
Re: Increasing social connections/social capital
« Reply #272 on: April 15, 2018, 12:47:36 PM »
Responding to something Pekklemafia said a couple of days ago: of course small talk is not fulfilling on some deep level, but that's how you meet people. Everyone is a stranger the first time you talk! The person I went out with for five hours last night is someone I sat next to at a concert and randomly started talking to a few years ago. I moved to a new city in 2014 and almost all my good friends here are just people I started talking to (or they started talking to me) while out and about. There are so many connections out there to be made and you never know which one will stick.


This is sooo true. A little small talk to start with can result in a big click that makes the best and deepest and most valuable friendships. Most of my best friends now aren't the old school ones that evolved out of convenience, they're random people I met at unexpected places that turned out to be so cool I went out of my way to stay in touch.

Poundwise

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1107
Re: Increasing social connections/social capital
« Reply #273 on: April 16, 2018, 03:56:32 PM »
I'm doing better introducing people to each other than making friends myself. But I guess that is still good!

I posted elsewhere that I helped set some good people up on a blind date. They are now on date #3!!

At church there is this lonely kind of guy who always looks miserable, but he's actually a nice, friendly guy with chronic illness.  For some reason nobody but the pastor ever talks to him despite the fact that his been attending the church for almost a year.  I always make a point out of saying hello, but find it a little hard to make conversation as we don't have much in common.

 But last week I managed to introduce him to the father of one of my son's friends, another sort of silent fellow.  To my surprise, they seemed to enjoy talking together and were chatting for most of the coffee hour.  So that worked out!

Tris Prior

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1903
Re: Increasing social connections/social capital
« Reply #274 on: April 17, 2018, 08:53:24 AM »
I was so looking forward to the community garden workday on Saturday morning - a chance to meet and get to know others in my garden. It got rescheduled for Sunday morning due to ice-cold rain. Got up Sunday morning to a torrential ice-cold downpour - yep, cancelled. Now I don't get to go into the garden until 4/27, as it opens this weekend but I'll be out of the country for a week. Oh well. In previous years I always seemed to be in the garden when no one else was, though by season's end I usually found a few people whom I at least recognized on sight.

While I'm on vacation I'm going to see some friends whom I haven't seen in probably a good 10 years - looking forward to that. Why do all of my friends live across the country and/or across the ocean? :(

You just met the wrong people.  I'm a pretty conservative dressing older guy, when at events like this I seek people like you (someone who seems, visually, a bit out of place) and try to make friendly.  Fuddy-duddys have boring lives and no stories to tell, don't give up.

I wish more people were like you! And, I was more amused than offended, but it's a shame that clearly I picked the wrong seat. I'd been looking forward to some conversation.

It's been hard to find opportunities to go out and meet folks. I think a lot of people are cancelling plans because it is still snowing in April. Everyone's in a foul mood, no one really wants to go out. I really hope this passes soon.

Trifele

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1350
  • Location: US
Re: Increasing social connections/social capital
« Reply #275 on: April 17, 2018, 09:15:18 AM »
Yep, I hear you @Tris Prior.  The wonderful hike/dinner plans we had last weekend were postponed due to weather as well.  Finally today will be a bit warmer and drier.  We are going to meet up with some friends tonight for a baseball game/some beers.  Looking forward to it!

Frugal Lizard

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1166
  • Age: 51
  • Location: Southwest Ontario
  • One foot in front of the other....
Re: Increasing social connections/social capital
« Reply #276 on: April 17, 2018, 10:57:38 AM »
I look like a boring fuddy duddy but I am just wearing a conservative costume.  I think creative nonconformist people are surprised when they get to know me.  In university, my third and fourth year roommate was the wildest punk rock looking person in the whole program.  When our various friends found out we were sharing an apartment they were always stunned.  One of the guys had to come to our place three times before he believed that we shared.  She had bad asthma and sought me out because I looked like I would dust an apartment and run the vacuum regularly.  We became good friends and are to this day.  And I never know what colour her hair will be when we get together.  Mine is still mousy brown with a sprinkle of silver. 
I have done some more volunteering and am meeting a number of new people through this.

Dollar Slice

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 3276
  • Age: 41
  • Location: New York City
Re: Increasing social connections/social capital
« Reply #277 on: April 17, 2018, 11:33:56 AM »
I look like a boring fuddy duddy but I am just wearing a conservative costume.  I think creative nonconformist people are surprised when they get to know me.

Yeah, I'm the same. In my case "radical" takes the form of not giving a shit about looking pretty/interesting/fancy/etc. and I just wear very plain clothes and have very plain hair and no makeup. But I love seeing other people express themselves in a way that makes them happy. I remember one time in college I was out at a nightclub (wearing whatever minimum level of dress got me in the door) and some guy was talking to me. A friend of mine that I had a couple classes with walked by, and she was dressed up totally outrageously/provocatively (which she loved to do every weekend). I smiled and said hello to her and the guy talking to me was totally shocked that I knew her.

It turns out it's not required that we visually match the style of our social circle... :-)

pekklemafia

  • 5 O'Clock Shadow
  • *
  • Posts: 47
  • Location: Canada
Re: Increasing social connections/social capital
« Reply #278 on: April 17, 2018, 01:01:00 PM »
I was so looking forward to the community garden workday on Saturday morning - a chance to meet and get to know others in my garden. It got rescheduled for Sunday morning due to ice-cold rain. Got up Sunday morning to a torrential ice-cold downpour - yep, cancelled. Now I don't get to go into the garden until 4/27, as it opens this weekend but I'll be out of the country for a week. Oh well. In previous years I always seemed to be in the garden when no one else was, though by season's end I usually found a few people whom I at least recognized on sight.

Do you happen to live anywhere in Canada by chance? Haha - we just got 10cm or so of snow in Alberta... I was able to see my one raised garden bed the other day, but so much for that. I hope you'll get to meet some nice folks at your community garden - when I had a community plot, it was a good way to get myself out of my apartment at least and enjoy the outdoors.

We ended up being invited to a kegger/birthday party over the weekend, which was fun. I knew most of the people there, so while it counts as socializing, I'm trying to expand our network a bit and didn't quite get to connecting with any strangers. Oh well. Next time! Also, it has totally zapped my energy and I spent the rest of the weekend watching the clips of Beyoncť's Coachella performance and Queer Eye... introverts need to be recharged.


Serendip

  • Bristles
  • ***
  • Posts: 436
Re: Increasing social connections/social capital
« Reply #279 on: April 17, 2018, 03:51:34 PM »
Just visited our community garden plot yesterday (4th year there) and already met someone new who introduced herself and also caught up with another gardener who is there frequently (daily). Plants are a nice things to bond over.

Dollar Slice

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 3276
  • Age: 41
  • Location: New York City
Re: Increasing social connections/social capital
« Reply #280 on: April 17, 2018, 07:56:35 PM »
Tonight's social interaction is dedicated to @Tris Prior  ;-) I went to a book/author event and there was an empty seat next to me (a really good up-close seat) that people kept overlooking because it was in a row that was mostly reserved. I saw a woman with bright purple hair looking for a seat, and when she walked past I told her there was a free seat next to me that she was welcome to have. Since I knew we had a favorite author in common it was easy to start a conversation. :-)

furrychickens

  • Walrus Stache
  • *******
  • Posts: 7326
  • Age: 34
  • Location: SE WI
  • Homeschooling and homestesding since 2013
Re: Increasing social connections/social capital
« Reply #281 on: April 18, 2018, 04:26:38 AM »
Just visited our community garden plot yesterday (4th year there) and already met someone new who introduced herself and also caught up with another gardener who is there frequently (daily). Plants are a nice things to bond over.

I didnít meet a lot of my neighbors until we started doing our urban homesteading thing :)

Iíve even had pleasant conversations with Jehovahís Witnesses without a single mention of God because they wanted to talk gardening with me, lol.

Tris Prior

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1903
Re: Increasing social connections/social capital
« Reply #282 on: April 18, 2018, 07:56:05 AM »
Tonight's social interaction is dedicated to @Tris Prior  ;-) I went to a book/author event and there was an empty seat next to me (a really good up-close seat) that people kept overlooking because it was in a row that was mostly reserved. I saw a woman with bright purple hair looking for a seat, and when she walked past I told her there was a free seat next to me that she was welcome to have. Since I knew we had a favorite author in common it was easy to start a conversation. :-)

Hahaha, awesome!

Just visited our community garden plot yesterday (4th year there) and already met someone new who introduced herself and also caught up with another gardener who is there frequently (daily). Plants are a nice things to bond over.

I didnít meet a lot of my neighbors until we started doing our urban homesteading thing :)

Iíve even had pleasant conversations with Jehovahís Witnesses without a single mention of God because they wanted to talk gardening with me, lol.

MAN, our JW's never ask about my garden! Yours is in your front yard, though, isn't it? I guess that would help.

I am SO itchy for the community garden to open so I can start talking plants with people. I'm also going to work the garden's plant sale again in a couple weeks so that's always a good opportunity for that.

furrychickens

  • Walrus Stache
  • *******
  • Posts: 7326
  • Age: 34
  • Location: SE WI
  • Homeschooling and homestesding since 2013
Re: Increasing social connections/social capital
« Reply #283 on: April 18, 2018, 09:01:30 AM »
Yeah, the bulk of my garden is the front yard and the sidewalk strips, plus Iím a corner lot so my whole property is easily visible (less so now that the chickens and rabbits are behind a 6 foot privacy fence I built last year). IIRC one of the younger members (early 20s) had an urban farm somewhere in the central city.

Astatine

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 3550
  • Location: Australia
  • Pronouns: they/them
Re: Increasing social connections/social capital
« Reply #284 on: April 19, 2018, 06:42:47 AM »
I've been absent from the thread for a while - combination of no energy (I've been unwell for a while without realising it but am improving a bit now) and being away on holidays.

Anyway. I did stuff! I message my friend who is a bit like a sister to me and DH and I will go over to her house on Sunday morning. Yay! (we'll take lots of snacks to share) I've known her for decades, but have become closer in the past decade or so thanks to pesky life experiece events (divorces, death, illness etc). Getting older sucks in many ways, not sure if getting wiser/more experience makes up for it.

And I messaged another friend who I've also known for decades. Our friendship hit a bit of a hiccup this time last year, and then we were going to catch up in March but I got horribly sick, and then I went on holidays. But, I have suggested meeting up in the next few weeks, and we shall see. Hopefully we have enough history to counteract the hiccup in the long run.

On top of that, I'm hosting a clothes swap with a newer group of friends/acquaintances weekend after next. I only have 2 definites (as definite as people are responding to FB invites), but I am talking myself out of social anxiety/catastrophising. Even if nobody shows up, I've made the effort to invite people over to my place.

Oh, and this Sunday DH and I are back in to our usual routine of weekly dinner with his ex-housemates. We were away the last 2 weekends, so it will be nice to see them again.

JanetJackson

  • Bristles
  • ***
  • Posts: 269
  • Location: United States
    • How I actually made $50 just for taking a survey and being in the healthcare marketplace
Re: Increasing social connections/social capital
« Reply #285 on: April 19, 2018, 10:42:36 AM »
I've been absent from the thread for a while - combination of no energy (I've been unwell for a while without realising it but am improving a bit now) and being away on holidays.

Anyway. I did stuff! I message my friend who is a bit like a sister to me and DH and I will go over to her house on Sunday morning. Yay! (we'll take lots of snacks to share) I've known her for decades, but have become closer in the past decade or so thanks to pesky life experiece events (divorces, death, illness etc). Getting older sucks in many ways, not sure if getting wiser/more experience makes up for it.

And I messaged another friend who I've also known for decades. Our friendship hit a bit of a hiccup this time last year, and then we were going to catch up in March but I got horribly sick, and then I went on holidays. But, I have suggested meeting up in the next few weeks, and we shall see. Hopefully we have enough history to counteract the hiccup in the long run.

On top of that, I'm hosting a clothes swap with a newer group of friends/acquaintances weekend after next. I only have 2 definites (as definite as people are responding to FB invites), but I am talking myself out of social anxiety/catastrophising. Even if nobody shows up, I've made the effort to invite people over to my place.
I have found clothing swaps to be a great social connector in the past, good luck!!

Oh, and this Sunday DH and I are back in to our usual routine of weekly dinner with his ex-housemates. We were away the last 2 weekends, so it will be nice to see them again.
Great job! Consistency is key!  I have a MAJOR problem with social consistency.

JanetJackson

  • Bristles
  • ***
  • Posts: 269
  • Location: United States
    • How I actually made $50 just for taking a survey and being in the healthcare marketplace
Re: Increasing social connections/social capital
« Reply #286 on: April 19, 2018, 11:14:50 AM »
Hey Y'all!
I have been absent from this thread (and the MMM forum) a bit lately because the weather has been SOOOOO nice here.  If I'm not at work or the gym, I've found myself doing something outside (planting/walking/hiking/reading) until it's dark and then I just don't have the evening energy to internet :)
HOWEVER,
I went to a social event.  I.  Went.  To.  A.  Social.  Event.
HA.
My gym had a little cocktail hour for new members to meet eachother and some of the money went to charity.  I had almost talked myself out of going, but then I used the Therapy-Style App on my phone to reframe the catastrophizing I was doing around the event, and convinced myself to go.
It felt so good to actually wear jeans (vs my capsule wardrobe for work or my gym clothes) and makeup :) I only had one drink (because I don't go "out" and also because drinks at a bar apparently now cost $7) and I basically only spoke to the one dude I know from classes and his husband, but I had a few teeny tiny interactions with others.  I stayed for an hour and a half, which is great for me.
The next time I saw that guy at the gym he got my phone number so that I can dog-sit for him and his husband when they travel (my side-hustle).
I have definitely had my moments of solitude, but I've really been working on it.I even had a friend over for a glass of wine and a chat a week or so ago.
It really is like every other thing in life, it requires practice.
But is life just a sum of practicing things that don't come natural to you?  Hmmmm... I don't know why, but that idea kinda bums me out.

Dollar Slice

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 3276
  • Age: 41
  • Location: New York City
Re: Increasing social connections/social capital
« Reply #287 on: April 19, 2018, 11:27:33 AM »
But is life just a sum of practicing things that don't come natural to you?  Hmmmm... I don't know why, but that idea kinda bums me out.

Pretty much. If you think about it, even things that seem really simple required a lot of practice at one point - eating, walking, sitting up, reading, typing, adding numbers, etc. But then you get good at it, and it's easy (or easier), and you don't have to really practice any more, because it's one of those things that feels natural. Maybe think of it not as a series of practice sessions, but as having the ability to constantly get better at everything.

QuillScroll

  • 5 O'Clock Shadow
  • *
  • Posts: 30
Re: Increasing social connections/social capital
« Reply #288 on: April 19, 2018, 12:13:32 PM »
I'm visiting this thread after a gap. I joined this challenge with lot of enthusiasm initially. But after couple of friends turned down my invitation for lunch (I would like to believe they were really busy), I just find it very hard to find the motivation to initiate any social connection or meetups.

On the other hand, I have made a new friend at work and also increased meetups with neighbors.

Carrie

  • Pencil Stache
  • ****
  • Posts: 602
Re: Increasing social connections/social capital
« Reply #289 on: April 19, 2018, 12:39:15 PM »
I invited new neighbor friends, the whole family, over for dinner tomorrow! I hope we have a nice time. I'm making Indian food. First social dinner at our house in two months or more. I really want this to become an every other week thing , with different folks, just to get in the habit and not let anxiety take over.

Monday I'm hosting brunch with neighbor ladies/friends at our house. I'm making a pear, goat cheese, honey, rosemary tart. (With homemade puff pastry.)

Dollar Slice

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 3276
  • Age: 41
  • Location: New York City
Re: Increasing social connections/social capital
« Reply #290 on: April 19, 2018, 12:54:48 PM »
Seriously impressed by homemade puff pastry! I never even dared try.

I get a lot of people turning down invitations... I try not to take it personally. Some social groups seem to have a lot of that (as well as people flaking/cancelling, or being reluctant to RSVP/commit). 

pbkmaine

  • Walrus Stache
  • *******
  • Posts: 7457
  • Age: 61
  • Location: The Villages, Florida

Linda_Norway

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 2994
Re: Increasing social connections/social capital
« Reply #292 on: April 23, 2018, 01:27:10 PM »
Today at lunch I was sitting at the same table as some of our internal customers, the customer representative receivers of our software. Turns out that one of them, doing specialist work in a full time job at our company, is also a farmer in his spare time. Nice to be talking to him about his sheep that are of a wild race that still can have lams of their own, while he is at work.

Astatine

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 3550
  • Location: Australia
  • Pronouns: they/them
Re: Increasing social connections/social capital
« Reply #293 on: April 24, 2018, 03:56:01 AM »
Thanks for the link pbk, and well done everyone!

Today was all about our neighbours. Earlier today one of our neighbours came over to ask DH to sign a form stating how he'd known our neighbour.

And another neighbour came over tonight to invite us to his 60th birthday party in a couple of weeks. :D The party itself will be awkward because we won't know anyone apart from our neighbour and his partner, and DH and I are both socially-awkward introverts. But, maybe I can use it as practice for small talk? (and you never know, maybe we'll know somebody there?)

Astatine

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 3550
  • Location: Australia
  • Pronouns: they/them
Re: Increasing social connections/social capital
« Reply #294 on: April 28, 2018, 02:59:54 AM »
How's everyone going? I love reading this thread, even if I'm going through phases of not posting.

Yesterday was all about the neighbour's again. One neighbour came over to get his forms finished and signed. It was a brief visit - I would have been happy for neighbour to have stayed and chatted for a bit but it seems like he gets a bit overwhelmed with social stuff fairly quickly.

And other neighbour came over to ask if we'd look after his cat while he's away. (it's a bit of an effort because cat is getting old and needs 3 medicines in her food twice day, but we said yes) I also said DH and I would definitely come to his 60th birthday party and he seemed genuinely very pleased and happy we said yes. Neighbour said other neighbours (who DH has met a few times but I haven't yet) will also be coming to his party, as will his partner who lives in another city. So hopefully there will be a few people we sort of know to talk to and it's always good to get to know other nice neighbours (not everyone in my street is nice - there is one unpleasant family who yell a lot who I don't want to get to know ever).

This morning DH and I went to a 5th birthday party (son of DH's ex-colleague). It was better than I expected - I'm usually not great at making small talk with people I don't know very well. But I had a couple of conversations with people one on one, and joined in a few group conversations, and chatted with the 5 year old's mum about her paintings.

While we were at the party, I got a text from a friend asking if DH and I would like to go to the gardens to play Pokemon Go with her and another guy. I was tired but still said yes :D It was good, but a bit awkward at times. At least there is always the game to talk about as we walked.

And... tomorrow morning I'm hosting a clothes and small homewares party! This morning I wasn't entirely sure anyone would be showing up but told myself that it was ok if nobody showed, at least I invited people. But, tonight it looks like I'll have at least 2 definites, maybe a few more. And one of the definites is the Tupperware consultant that we befriended at my Tupperware party in February, which makes me smile :)

I've also accepted an invitation to another Tupperware party in a few week's time. So yay! I was feeling soooooo antisocial and hermit-like this week, but writing it up helps overcome my negative self-talk about no socialising.
« Last Edit: April 28, 2018, 03:02:23 AM by Astatine »

Hirondelle

  • Pencil Stache
  • ****
  • Posts: 960
Re: Increasing social connections/social capital
« Reply #295 on: April 28, 2018, 09:06:47 AM »
I went for a night out with a friend and another friend of hers. We stayed the night at friend of friends place, which I think was very generous of her towards an almost-stranger like me. It was only the 2nd time I met this person but my friend has been saying we'd be a good match for as long as she's known her and I think she's right. The three of us work out really really well together and we have little boundaries discussing things and loads of stuff in common while being very different at the same time. We discussed going to a festival with the 3 of us again next week, which I'm sure will be a lot of fun and would be good to add another friend to the list. Only downside is that she's living on the other side of the country as most of my friends while my whole goal of joining this thread was making more local friends.

Tris Prior

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1903
Re: Increasing social connections/social capital
« Reply #296 on: April 28, 2018, 03:34:09 PM »
The community garden is now open for the season and I chatted with two people today about gardening! I'm hoping to be more involved this year. I say this every year, but when the summer gets busier it just doesn't happen. I'm going to try to put more effort into it this year; I've backed out of one large early-fall commitment (that involved prepping all summer for it) so I should have more free time.

sui generis

  • Bristles
  • ***
  • Posts: 410
Re: Increasing social connections/social capital
« Reply #297 on: April 28, 2018, 05:42:17 PM »
I went to a forum on health care reform that a local activist group put on today. I was expecting to chat with people a bit and didn't chat quite as much as I planned to, so a bit disappointed.  But, it was enough that I think as I approach FIRE in 10 months, I'll have to ramp up my participation with them and I'll have more opportunities for social interaction via this neighborhood coalition of like-minded activists.

Dollar Slice

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 3276
  • Age: 41
  • Location: New York City
Re: Increasing social connections/social capital
« Reply #298 on: April 28, 2018, 11:28:47 PM »
I had a severely anti-social week due in part to an eight-day migraine which was giving me all kinds of weird aversions (to lights, sounds, foods, crowds, etc., etc.). I went out Sunday night and barely held back from starting an argument (with anyone and everyone, I was incredibly irritable). I went out Wednesday night to see one of my fave musicians premiering a new project/band and he happened to be standing right by the door when I walked into the building. I managed to say hello, shake hands and tell him I'd been looking forward to this concert for a long time, but then was overcome by shyness and left a little too abruptly. Hopefully it didn't seem rude.

Feeling a lot better today, but due to migraine brain fog I'd totally spaced on the fact that a friend of mine was coming to New York this week. He texted me from the airport at 6:30 to see if I had any plans tonight. I was already in midtown for something unrelated, about 10 minutes away from where he was staying, so I embraced spontaneity and we went out for dinner and live music (not terribly mustachian but I only spent $37 which is pretty good for a last-minute Saturday night in NYC). Another friend texted just after I made plans with the first friend, also asking if I had plans tonight, so I suggested something tomorrow instead. (There is an event tomorrow that I know he will particularly like, and he hadn't heard about it, so that worked out great.) And my out-of-town friend is going to come with us tomorrow as well. He also asked about doing something later in the week. And I have tentative plans with another friend a week from tomorrow. Yay, so many plans with real human people! Tonight was so good for me since multiple other people were asking me to do things. Usually I'm the one making all the plans and doing all the inviting, and too much of that can make you start wondering if anyone actually likes you :-P

sui generis

  • Bristles
  • ***
  • Posts: 410
Re: Increasing social connections/social capital
« Reply #299 on: April 29, 2018, 12:26:55 AM »
I forgot I had another event tonight!  I went to a bar (I'm sooooo not a bar person) for a fundraiser for a ballot measure a *different* activist group I work with is helping on.  I went alone because my BF is out of town.  I thought I'd see lots of people I knew so didn't really think twice.  But I walked in and didn't see people I knew!  Ah!  And I was alone!  At a bar!  So awkward! 

I circulated a bit, while making my way to the bar and saw a couple of people I've met before and chatted briefly with, so that helped get me started.  I ended up seeing two women I've talked to a bit before and was able to chat with them for a while.  I hope I'll get to know them more over the next few years as I start participating more, so I see that as an investment conversation.  I also met another woman who was very friendly and engaging, so that was nice.  Not sure I'll see her again, but it was a good practice convo even if not!