Author Topic: Increasing social connections/social capital  (Read 26754 times)

Hirondelle

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Re: Increasing social connections/social capital
« Reply #200 on: March 15, 2018, 06:34:18 AM »
Had a drink with a newish friend last night. We're both new in town and she admitted to be a bit lonely sometimes as for her it's the first time to move "far" away from her hometown (for me it's the 4th time so I got used to building a new social life). I really like her and we are part of a group so hope this will become a regular. Now I just need to find a more mustachian alternative for cocktail nights at the local pub :p

Linda_Norway

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Re: Increasing social connections/social capital
« Reply #201 on: March 16, 2018, 01:39:10 PM »
Had a drink with a newish friend last night. We're both new in town and she admitted to be a bit lonely sometimes as for her it's the first time to move "far" away from her hometown (for me it's the 4th time so I got used to building a new social life). I really like her and we are part of a group so hope this will become a regular. Now I just need to find a more mustachian alternative for cocktail nights at the local pub :p

Sounds like a good person for you to get known with.

Maybe meet at each other's house? Going for a hike or a run together?

Serendip

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Re: Increasing social connections/social capital
« Reply #202 on: March 17, 2018, 08:56:37 PM »
Had a picnic down by a river with an old childhood friend/acquaintance who moved to a nearby town. She has a 2 year old, so it's hard to schedule get-togethers but it was a lovely connection. 

Followed it with a walk with someone who is quickly becoming one of my closest friends--she moved into my neighborhood 6 months ago and it makes a huge difference to have a friend closeby.

Drole

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Re: Increasing social connections/social capital
« Reply #203 on: March 18, 2018, 03:09:54 AM »

Followed it with a walk with someone who is quickly becoming one of my closest friends--she moved into my neighborhood 6 months ago and it makes a huge difference to have a friend closeby.

You are lucky! This is something we are really lacking in our current home. No neighbors with kids for our kids and i've yet to find anyone for me. Our old neighborhood was much better with kids and adults interacting and we're only a few miles away but pretty much not included now.


Linda_Norway

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Re: Increasing social connections/social capital
« Reply #204 on: March 18, 2018, 05:55:15 AM »
Yesterday when we went cross country skiing, a guy approaching in opposite direction atopped amd said he say faliliar people, meaning DH and me. I didn't recognize him with sunglasses on. He took them off. I still had problems recognizing him and said so. Then he said he was living together with <female first name>. That helped. Then of course I remembered him. His GF amd he have been visiting us for dinner once, either last year or two years ago. I haven't seen him since then. Good to meet him again. We chatted a bit and went on with or trip.

Serendip

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Re: Increasing social connections/social capital
« Reply #205 on: March 18, 2018, 11:52:30 AM »

Followed it with a walk with someone who is quickly becoming one of my closest friends--she moved into my neighborhood 6 months ago and it makes a huge difference to have a friend closeby.

You are lucky! This is something we are really lacking in our current home. No neighbors with kids for our kids and i've yet to find anyone for me. Our old neighborhood was much better with kids and adults interacting and we're only a few miles away but pretty much not included now.

I Know, I feel lucky @Drole !
 Proximity makes such a difference..it's the casual-ness of saying 'oh I am going for a walk in 10 minutes, would you like to join?"


Astatine

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Re: Increasing social connections/social capital
« Reply #206 on: March 19, 2018, 12:58:01 AM »
I had a partial success, partial fail today. I joined a Pokemon Go raid with my local raiding group today. So yay! I talked a little bit with one person. Then people decided to stay for something else, me included. And... I just sat there without talking to anyone :p I was very tired and the location was a tad noisy, but still.

JanetJackson

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Re: Increasing social connections/social capital
« Reply #207 on: March 19, 2018, 05:46:35 AM »
Everyone here is doing so great!  Nice work!
I went to a Crossfit gym last week- just dropped in on the workout to check it out.  People were friendly, and it's easy to make bonds when you're doing hard things together.  I felt pretty satisfied that I had done it.  I'm hoping to go this week as well to check out the vibe of a class at a different time of the day and see what that crowd is like.  I fell on Friday and popped my ever-dislocating shoulder out (but then right back in) so I am REALLY hoping it feels "right" by Wednesday of this week (my day off) so that I can drop in again.

Yay me!  Yay everyone!
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Dollar Slice

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Re: Increasing social connections/social capital
« Reply #208 on: March 19, 2018, 12:26:30 PM »
I started a conversation with a stranger this weekend - there were two of us waiting for the doors to open for a concert, and I invited her to share a table while we waited since there was an empty 2-person table right by the doors (and we would be annoyingly in the way if we stood). She was very friendly but also a little crazy, LOL. Not going to be a new friend, but good practice and briefly entertaining.

Less positive: I got an upsetting e-mail while I was at the concert and saw it on my phone in the intermission. I apparently looked so upset (fighting off an anxiety attack) that someone in the band sat down to talk to me before the next set started. I was saved from an extremely difficult/awkward conversation by some tourists next to me who decided to interrupt and ask him for an autograph. It was very kind of him to try to talk to me, but that would not have gone well...
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Trifele

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Re: Increasing social connections/social capital
« Reply #209 on: March 20, 2018, 06:16:15 AM »
Joining in!  I really need to work on this.  We moved to a new state two years ago, and it is very slow going making new friends.  I have a couple of casual new friends but no one close yet and no one in my neighborhood, and honestly I am lonely.  Working full time doesn't help with the friend situation . . . I haven't had much luck making close friends at work.   

Anyway -- yesterday I texted a casual friend I had not heard from in a couple months, and found out she is leaving town to move cross country!  That has happened to me a bunch of times that a new friend up and moves . . . I think I must 'click' with restless mobile types.  (Either that or they are fleeing from me, lol.) I'll be getting together with her to catch up before she leaves town.   


Tris Prior

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Re: Increasing social connections/social capital
« Reply #210 on: March 20, 2018, 08:17:15 AM »
Trifele, that happens to me constantly. Everyone I meet and start to click with ends up fleeing the city. It really sucks. I can't say that I blame them, it's usually because of our awful winters or because they want to buy affordable property that actually includes land and is not just a tiny condo.

Going to a friend's Hamilton party on Friday, and Thursday I'm going to try and volunteer at my community garden's orientation. (I say "try" because it's after work and I can't actually make it until 15-20 minutes after they want volunteers there, so I emailed them to ask whether that would be OK.) This year, they're having orientations for each garden site separately, rather than a few big sessions for all six (? I think?) sites, so I'm hoping I can meet some people whom I'll actually see in the garden this summer.

Serendip

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Re: Increasing social connections/social capital
« Reply #211 on: March 20, 2018, 11:02:42 AM »
Heard from some old friends/acquaintances and they want to drive up for a visit this week. I haven't seen one of them in at least 6-8 years :) A pleasant surprise so I am trying to start work later in the afternoon so we can go for a hike & lunch.

pachnik

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Re: Increasing social connections/social capital
« Reply #212 on: March 20, 2018, 11:32:35 AM »
My husband and I are hosting an Easter get together for family on Easter Sunday.  Then I've invited a new person out for tea on Easter Monday since I'm not working that day.  She's not sure if she's in town so I'll see.  And, an older friend for whom I agreed to be her executor wants to host a lunch to introduce myself and her Power of Attorney person. 

Also, at my weekly meetings, I am doing my best to speak to people I don't know rather than sticking with my usual people.  This is going well.

Well, my husband and I have put out feelers re: our summer BBQ.  I'll probably get some answers back today and then we'll set a firm date.   I wasn't sure how to handle the setting of the date to get good attendance. 
« Last Edit: March 20, 2018, 11:40:08 AM by pachnik »

Poundwise

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Re: Increasing social connections/social capital
« Reply #213 on: March 20, 2018, 07:39:43 PM »
Dropped off dinner for an old friend who just had a baby. She is still in my old neighborhood,  a somewhat stressful (because of traffic and crazy drivers) 40 minute drive away, but I am glad I did it! Will try to visit again soon and reconnect with some other buddies in the area.  I got to cuddle her tiny baby, too! 

Last week I called another old friend with whom I speak only about twice a year... turns out she lost her father just a couple of weeks ago, so I am glad I did call.

Not doing so well on the making new friends front. I have been feeling fat, frumpy, and my house has been too messy for company.  Even at its best, our way of life is more functional than decorative, if that makes sense... entertainment is just not our specialty! However we will be hosting Easter at my house, and this will be a good opportunity to get to know my new SIL (whom I like) better.

 

Trifele

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Re: Increasing social connections/social capital
« Reply #214 on: March 21, 2018, 07:19:07 AM »
Currently visiting family back home. I looked up a friend I haven't seen since we moved, and yesterday my kids and I met up with her and her kids.  We walked at a state park, and then grabbed supper together at a pub.  It was great.  She actually travels quite a bit, and hopefully will visit us someday in our new location.     

JanetJackson

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Re: Increasing social connections/social capital
« Reply #215 on: March 21, 2018, 05:15:43 PM »
Currently visiting family back home. I looked up a friend I haven't seen since we moved, and yesterday my kids and I met up with her and her kids.  We walked at a state park, and then grabbed supper together at a pub.  It was great.  She actually travels quite a bit, and hopefully will visit us someday in our new location.     

Walking and outdoor stuff is my favorite way to connect with people!  Great job!
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Re: Increasing social connections/social capital
« Reply #216 on: March 22, 2018, 05:30:13 PM »
PTF and participate! 

I plan to FIRE in 11 months and one of the things I am most scared of is getting too socially isolated without the structure and people that are FORCED to interact with me.  I'm this really weird combo of introvert and extrovert and I get super depressed if I don't have enough interaction but also kinda super suck at getting the interactions started.  I have some great friendships I maintain really well, but have a hard time turning an interaction into an acquaintance and an acquaintance into a friend. Awkward!  Oh and also, I lose too many friends to babies/kids (I'm just that age), so I have to constantly be making new friends just to maintain status quo levels of interaction!

Looking forward to re-reading the thread and seeing new posts to pick up on strategies to chat people up and turn them into friends!  I got a little panicky just typing that, but I must persevere!

Drole

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Re: Increasing social connections/social capital
« Reply #217 on: March 22, 2018, 08:23:42 PM »
So a girl I was friends with many moons ago is getting remarried. I'd love to go, but i'm hesitant about spending the $. It wouldn't be for a wedding, just a reception. One side says show up and support her and see her, the other side says wait until i'm traveling and in the general vicinity.

Going to the reception would probably be a hoot, plus i'd get to meet her current friends/etc. But visiting at a different time would probably mean egtting to spend more time (alone-ish) with her.

Cost to attend is probably $600 (flights/hotel).

Serendip

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Re: Increasing social connections/social capital
« Reply #218 on: March 22, 2018, 10:18:43 PM »
-Friends from long ago visited today..hadn't seen one of them in 6 years, the other in 2 years.
Was a lovely catch-up (although I picked up the bill at lunch in an Un-mustachian move)
made plans to hike this spring/summer

-Received a letter in the mail from an old pen-pal friend. We actually met over 15 years ago when she walked up to me at a concert and said she wanted become my friend..ha. We wrote letters for many years but had fallen out of contact--she wants to revive our snail-mail correspondence so I will begin crafting a response this weekend

-Picked up a shift at an old workplace and had lovely conversations and connections with old workmates

I seem to be doing well with reviving old connections, not so much with making new ones
« Last Edit: April 05, 2018, 09:32:42 AM by Serendip »

Frugal Lizard

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Re: Increasing social connections/social capital
« Reply #219 on: March 23, 2018, 06:40:04 AM »
I attended a talk by myself. I had bought tickets for my hubs to go with me but he couldn't go.  I sent out an email to a number of neighbours to see if they wanted the ticket and heard back from three people that they had bought their own tickets already.  When I got there, there were six people I knew well enough to sit with.
The talk was so inspirational.  I walked home with two of my neighbours that I have only met a couple of times as they just moved in last year.  We have so many common areas of concern. 
Seeing the possibilities

Carrie

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Re: Increasing social connections/social capital
« Reply #220 on: March 23, 2018, 07:03:06 AM »
I was out of social contact for two weeks because of flu, so I had to cancel a few things I was really looking forward to.  One was a volunteer activity (a spring break camp for under privileged youth). I will continue to look for ways to volunteer at this organization. It seems like I could meet some great people through this.

I feel like I'm in a pickle. I've been getting to know a newish neighbor, and we walk occasionally, and our kids play together sometimes. Well, just yesterday her 4th grader told my 5th grader that HRC kills babies before they're born. My kid said "that doesn't sound right, are you sure?" To which the other kid responded "yep, my dad says so and my older sister says so."
So obviously, I don't think our friendship here has much of a future. First off, I don't burden my young children with complex adult topics, and 2, I will not tell flat out lies to further a political or religious agenda with anyone - much less my own children.
Being non-religious zealot in the bible belt makes (finding) sincere and respectful friendships tricky.

Linda_Norway

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Re: Increasing social connections/social capital
« Reply #221 on: March 23, 2018, 08:34:59 AM »
This year we are featured in the Easter magazine that is sent out to all inhabitants and cabin owners in the village where we have a cabin. We were asked to write something about ourselves and what we like to do there. I am curious whether anyone will recognize us next week and will chat with us about the article.

NoraLenderbee

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Re: Increasing social connections/social capital
« Reply #222 on: March 23, 2018, 11:48:07 AM »
The friend I'm supposed to see on Saturday thinks she's developing a sinus infection, so our plans are up in the air. TBH, I'd rather postpone a week just because I have a lot of stuff to do at home.

I invited another old friend to coffee, someone I used to work with and really like, but haven't seen in a very long time. She and her spouse are starting a "detox diet" for a couple of weeks, so we won't get together until April sometime. Well, better than nothing, and I did contact her!

A guy in my bike club asked on the mailing list if anyone had a bike travel case he could borrow. I did. he came over last night to pick it up. We'd never met before; now we are acquaintances and potential cycling buddies. Also, I'm happy to see my travel case get used.

Hirondelle

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Re: Increasing social connections/social capital
« Reply #223 on: March 24, 2018, 11:39:08 AM »
Had a drink with a newish friend last night. We're both new in town and she admitted to be a bit lonely sometimes as for her it's the first time to move "far" away from her hometown (for me it's the 4th time so I got used to building a new social life). I really like her and we are part of a group so hope this will become a regular. Now I just need to find a more mustachian alternative for cocktail nights at the local pub :p

Sounds like a good person for you to get known with.

Maybe meet at each other's house? Going for a hike or a run together?

Yes, meeting for a dinner or a tea would be a perfect one. Running would also be an option as we live close to a popular running-park. I just suck at running :p.

Yesterday we actually met with some people from this group again (the girl from former post couldn't make it) and it became semi-mustachian as the first drink was on the PhD organisation and after midnight we got drinks from a night shop and continued the party in someone's house. So only 2 beers that I actually have to pay for :)

Tris Prior

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Re: Increasing social connections/social capital
« Reply #224 on: March 24, 2018, 03:53:39 PM »
Went to the Hamilton party last night and actually introduced myself to a number of people - one of whom looked very familiar to me and turns out to live in my neighborhood. It was so fun!

Today: TOTALLY drained and cocooning. Body and brain said NOPE to attending March for Our Lives, which I feel really bad about.

Does anyone else find that they need to majorly recharge social batteries after a night of being around people?

Dollar Slice

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Re: Increasing social connections/social capital
« Reply #225 on: March 24, 2018, 04:43:50 PM »
Does anyone else find that they need to majorly recharge social batteries after a night of being around people?

Yes. Needing to recharge after being social is pretty much the definition of introversion.

I find that different people wear me out at drastically different rates - some people I can hang out with every night for a week and it's all good. Some people have me wanting to lock myself in a dark room after an hour or two. I'm increasingly unhappy with family holidays because it means I have to stay in a house full of people for an entire weekend and I can't stand it after the first day.
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Serendip

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Re: Increasing social connections/social capital
« Reply #226 on: March 24, 2018, 05:02:30 PM »
Recharging is key--I imagine many of us on this thread lean towards introversion!

Went for walk & art gallery visit with a friend today. Ran into another aquaintance and met someone new- friend of the friend (both work at the museum).

Feel like I am getting to know more and more people in this town. It has a high turn-over rate as it's a tourist-type town, and the locals stay low key, I've been here on & off for seven years..just earning my local status.
Walked back home and ran into two more friends. Spring sunshine is getting people outdoors.

Going to a conservation event tonight and interested to see what crowd will be there and whether I know anyone.

« Last Edit: April 05, 2018, 09:34:00 AM by Serendip »

Trifele

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Re: Increasing social connections/social capital
« Reply #227 on: March 25, 2018, 07:03:42 AM »
Just completed a week long road trip where we had some nice (and overdue) visits with friends and family.

Traveling again next weekend to see friends we haven't seen in almost two years. 

Serendip

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Re: Increasing social connections/social capital
« Reply #228 on: March 27, 2018, 09:51:00 AM »
Had a woman I met through my SO reach out who would like to get together with me.

So we are tentatively planning a hike when the weather clears--it's funny how I say I am looking for connections but then become nervous when people want to connect.

 I think there is just the slightly awkward phase of getting to know people--it feels a bit like dating.

Reconnected with an old work friend, via IG. A lovely catch-up and nice to hear and see what she has been up to the last 5 years.
« Last Edit: April 05, 2018, 09:34:31 AM by Serendip »

Hirondelle

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Re: Increasing social connections/social capital
« Reply #229 on: March 28, 2018, 01:21:37 PM »
Talked to a stranger in the pool today. This has always been normal to me, but so far this pool has been quite antisocial. This was my first real (like, more than "shall I go first?" or "sorry for smashing my arm into you") conversation in the pool in 5 months.

Booked tickets to visit two friends in Austria in May.

MrsWhipple

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Re: Increasing social connections/social capital
« Reply #230 on: March 28, 2018, 05:10:29 PM »
I think I have a new gym buddy! She joined up after I offered a free membership transfer because my husband is a quitting quitter ;) And she seems really excited to come to classes and do gym stuff and hang out! So I sent her my phone number and let her know which classes I'm doing in the next couple of days. Crossing my fingers she's cool!

...especially since the last woman I talked to at zumba started telling me how it was "so important" to join a church to develop her kids' sense of spirituality because her oldest is "already starting to be a deviant" and how old is my kid, is she ready for spiritual training yet? I didn't even know how to respond to that - "oh, I'm a deviant atheist heathen myself, and my husband is a Satanist, so our kid is definitely going to hell according to you!" I just smiled and nodded and marked her off as a potential friend since I'm not looking to make gym enemies.

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Re: Increasing social connections/social capital
« Reply #231 on: March 28, 2018, 05:22:40 PM »
...especially since the last woman I talked to at zumba started telling me how it was "so important" to join a church to develop her kids' sense of spirituality because her oldest is "already starting to be a deviant" and how old is my kid, is she ready for spiritual training yet? I didn't even know how to respond to that - "oh, I'm a deviant atheist heathen myself, and my husband is a Satanist, so our kid is definitely going to hell according to you!" I just smiled and nodded and marked her off as a potential friend since I'm not looking to make gym enemies.
As a fellow atheist heathen, that's a terrifying scenario that you handled with grace!  On the other hand, and relevant to this topic, I'm often reminded what a great sense of community religion inspires.  I usually just think about the bad stuff it inspires, but it is true that it has created strong communities at times in human history and my friends who are religious find friends so easily through their churches because part of the "job" at most churches seems to be to reel people in.  While I think a lot of atheists (etc.) are partly that way because they are not "joiners"  I am a joiner and always find the local humanist, non-theist groups to be poorly attended and very skewed demographically.  For FIRE, I'm trying to think of all the other types of groups I could join that would hopefully work hard to keep new members and have a strong sense of community.  Mostly I think of hobby groups (hiking, euchre, who knows what else I'll find), but will it go beyond just that hobby like church often does?  I think it takes hard work, but there's a lot of that going on in this thread that seems to be yielding results, one step at a time.

JanetJackson

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Re: Increasing social connections/social capital
« Reply #232 on: March 28, 2018, 07:16:47 PM »
Y'all I joined a gym! Yep, a Crossfit gym, punch me in the face- whatever... it's worth it and I have to value SOME PART of my damn life... I can't just eat rice and beans and sit inside all day with the lights out to save electricity (sorry rant, sometimes other threads on the MMM forum tick me off).
I've been dropping in to this gym 1x a week for the last three weeks (and they didn't make me pay, which is awesome) and the vibes were really great and positive.  I had checked out a few other CF gyms in the area, and this one seemed to have the best energy and the best pricing.  Having somewhere to go where socializing is part of the workout is a really good fit for me.
I ended up talking to the owner, who let me pay for the whole year upfront (which comes out to a 53% per month discount from regular prices).  I am SO GLAD that I have been so frugal with my money and that I keep a high savings rate even at my low-ish income.  I had enough in my "gym" designated savings account to pay the whole lump sum.
Today's workout was tough, but everyone was so nice and the more I go, the more I realize how valuable this type of social setting is to me.

It's also getting warmer here, which means more donation-based outdoor yoga classes.  I love these, and brought my dog to several of them last year- about once a week (setting up in the back so that she wouldn't disturb anyone-she just sleeps the whole time anyways, ha) which brought a lot of people over to my mat to say hi to her after/before class, which was social and nice.

Oh I'm so happy. 

It looks like there has been a lot of good progress here on this thread.  I agree that meeting new friends feels exactly like dating... I think because it has all of the same elements, and really we're looking for connection in both settings.   
"Change is the law of life, and those who look only to the past or present are certain to miss the future" -John F. Kennedy

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Re: Increasing social connections/social capital
« Reply #233 on: March 28, 2018, 07:46:21 PM »
As a fellow atheist heathen, that's a terrifying scenario that you handled with grace!  On the other hand, and relevant to this topic, I'm often reminded what a great sense of community religion inspires.  I usually just think about the bad stuff it inspires, but it is true that it has created strong communities at times in human history and my friends who are religious find friends so easily through their churches because part of the "job" at most churches seems to be to reel people in.
Yes and no. I find that I have church friends with whom I connect on a weekly basis, but I don't necessarily see them outside of church, and our relationship does not progress beyond a certain level... a good level, but still I find that I like to keep a certain reserve because I don't want my business talked about all over the community.

Quote
For FIRE, I'm trying to think of all the other types of groups I could join that would hopefully work hard to keep new members and have a strong sense of community.
Volunteer groups definitely will work hard to keep new members! And there is nothing like working with people towards a goal to bring you together.

Saying this, I should probably invite some of my new political activist friends to do social things with me.  They are really an inspiring bunch... most of them are also doing things like running nonprofits, are  the pillars of their churches or temples or PTAs, etc. Only problem is they are so darn busy, and like me tend to be workaholics.

I've been striving to say good things to people more, but it's somehow hard to do so without sounding artificial.  I think I have to think more about what I like about each person ahead of time, so I don't have to come up with something on the spot. Unfortunately criticism comes too easily to me. I'm not judgemental, just too detail oriented.


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Re: Increasing social connections/social capital
« Reply #234 on: March 28, 2018, 08:40:05 PM »
I've been striving to say good things to people more, but it's somehow hard to do so without sounding artificial.  I think I have to think more about what I like about each person ahead of time, so I don't have to come up with something on the spot.

Picturing myself attempting this in a group situation... "Hi! I, uh, I like your shoes! And you - your shoes are just as nice as his. Actually, I like all of your shoes. Good job with the shoes, everyone. Really on point."

I'm sort of on furlough from work suddenly so I'm having a terribly anti-social week sitting at home all day. But last night and tonight I found free concerts to go to and had a 15 minute chat with the people sitting next to me. Last night it was a very elderly couple (they were adorable, but probably not a useful social connection since it seemed like they rarely left their neighborhood), tonight it was another single woman about my age, which was nice. And I talked with the ushers for a minute - I recently bought a membership to this place so I can go to all their performances for free, so I'll probably see the staff a lot.
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Trifele

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Re: Increasing social connections/social capital
« Reply #235 on: March 29, 2018, 02:21:54 AM »
...especially since the last woman I talked to at zumba started telling me how it was "so important" to join a church to develop her kids' sense of spirituality because her oldest is "already starting to be a deviant" and how old is my kid, is she ready for spiritual training yet? I didn't even know how to respond to that - "oh, I'm a deviant atheist heathen myself, and my husband is a Satanist, so our kid is definitely going to hell according to you!" I just smiled and nodded and marked her off as a potential friend since I'm not looking to make gym enemies.
As a fellow atheist heathen, that's a terrifying scenario that you handled with grace!  On the other hand, and relevant to this topic, I'm often reminded what a great sense of community religion inspires.  I usually just think about the bad stuff it inspires, but it is true that it has created strong communities at times in human history and my friends who are religious find friends so easily through their churches because part of the "job" at most churches seems to be to reel people in.  While I think a lot of atheists (etc.) are partly that way because they are not "joiners"  I am a joiner and always find the local humanist, non-theist groups to be poorly attended and very skewed demographically.  For FIRE, I'm trying to think of all the other types of groups I could join that would hopefully work hard to keep new members and have a strong sense of community.  Mostly I think of hobby groups (hiking, euchre, who knows what else I'll find), but will it go beyond just that hobby like church often does?  I think it takes hard work, but there's a lot of that going on in this thread that seems to be yielding results, one step at a time.

@sui generis -- agree 1000% with all of this.  It is really hard to find non religious groups with a sense of community.  And hiking and euchre?  Be still my heart.  Two of my very favorite things!  I like the way you are thinking, to let common interests lead the way.   

Trifele

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Re: Increasing social connections/social capital
« Reply #236 on: March 29, 2018, 02:25:46 AM »
I've got a big thing going on this weekend -- 700 mile (each way) road trip to visit an old friend for a long weekend.  A little nuts, and I'm sure I'll be tired Tuesday morning at work, but can't wait to see her! 

Poundwise

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Re: Increasing social connections/social capital
« Reply #237 on: March 29, 2018, 09:46:56 AM »
I've been striving to say good things to people more, but it's somehow hard to do so without sounding artificial.  I think I have to think more about what I like about each person ahead of time, so I don't have to come up with something on the spot.

Picturing myself attempting this in a group situation... "Hi! I, uh, I like your shoes! And you - your shoes are just as nice as his. Actually, I like all of your shoes. Good job with the shoes, everyone. Really on point."

hee hee, exactly!! 

I just know that it feels really good when somebody gives me a compliment that I know is true. I have some friends who know how to make people feel appreciated. I need to figure out how they do it!  I'm not the good friend who will point out if you have spinach in your teeth, but I will notice it but while talking to you, I'll start agonizing about whether to tell you, and thus say random things which make you think I am weird.  Then after we say our goodbyes, I'll remember how cool you are and what a great coffeecake you made for the bake sale...

Serendip

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Re: Increasing social connections/social capital
« Reply #238 on: March 29, 2018, 02:36:10 PM »
Threw together a quick dinner with some friends last night to plan a group multi-day hike this spring..also managed to tentatively plan a day trip with some ladies at the same time.

Contemplating a birthday gift to myself in a couple months of a weekend retreat, run by a woman I have hung out with briefly but would like to know better (not totally mustachian but also not too pricey) might be nice to do something like this solo and stretch myself--literally and figuratively :)

MrsWhipple

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Re: Increasing social connections/social capital
« Reply #239 on: March 29, 2018, 05:20:30 PM »
@sui generis -- agree 1000% with all of this.  It is really hard to find non religious groups with a sense of community.  And hiking and euchre?  Be still my heart.  Two of my very favorite things!  I like the way you are thinking, to let common interests lead the way.   
I'm actually going to tag along with a hiker friend to her Unitarian Universalist church next Sunday (easter, ha!). I've been to UU churches before and there's always a good dollop of heathen members, so crossing my fingers!

Trifele

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Re: Increasing social connections/social capital
« Reply #240 on: March 29, 2018, 06:22:35 PM »
@sui generis -- agree 1000% with all of this.  It is really hard to find non religious groups with a sense of community.  And hiking and euchre?  Be still my heart.  Two of my very favorite things!  I like the way you are thinking, to let common interests lead the way.   
I'm actually going to tag along with a hiker friend to her Unitarian Universalist church next Sunday (easter, ha!). I've been to UU churches before and there's always a good dollop of heathen members, so crossing my fingers!

"Dollop of heathens" -- love it!  Sounds like a punk Irish band

sui generis

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Re: Increasing social connections/social capital
« Reply #241 on: March 29, 2018, 09:25:17 PM »
@sui generis -- agree 1000% with all of this.  It is really hard to find non religious groups with a sense of community.  And hiking and euchre?  Be still my heart.  Two of my very favorite things!  I like the way you are thinking, to let common interests lead the way.   
I'm actually going to tag along with a hiker friend to her Unitarian Universalist church next Sunday (easter, ha!). I've been to UU churches before and there's always a good dollop of heathen members, so crossing my fingers!
I've thought about trying a UU church/get-together as well.  As a joiner, but not religious, I thought it might be good...but I'm cautious and need to look into it more first.  It sounds like they have good communities though!

Drole

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Re: Increasing social connections/social capital
« Reply #242 on: March 30, 2018, 07:55:11 AM »
I actually enjoy going to Quaker churches that don't have leaders.  All you do is sit in silence and, on occasion, someone stands up to say a few words. 

My DH once asked, "How do you know if you're late and they've already started their service?" :-)

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Re: Increasing social connections/social capital
« Reply #243 on: March 30, 2018, 08:30:42 AM »
@sui generis -- agree 1000% with all of this.  It is really hard to find non religious groups with a sense of community.  And hiking and euchre?  Be still my heart.  Two of my very favorite things!  I like the way you are thinking, to let common interests lead the way.   
I'm actually going to tag along with a hiker friend to her Unitarian Universalist church next Sunday (easter, ha!). I've been to UU churches before and there's always a good dollop of heathen members, so crossing my fingers!
I've thought about trying a UU church/get-together as well.  As a joiner, but not religious, I thought it might be good...but I'm cautious and need to look into it more first.  It sounds like they have good communities though!

I've enjoyed the UU Pagan group near me. I don't necessarily think I'm Pagan though.  But they are a fun group, and their rituals are good times to reflect and not too "wooo" for me.
I tried the services near us, but they didn't do it for me.  Some of their study groups seemed interesting, but I just don't have that much time on my hands.  They do seem to have something for everybody though. When my daughter is older, I want her in their religious education classes- as it seems more about exploring different religious rather than indoctrination into one religion.  I also would love to get more involved in some of the social justice causes.

There are definitely atheists in our UU group, but they don't attend the services, but they do many of the activities.

Poundwise

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Re: Increasing social connections/social capital
« Reply #244 on: March 30, 2018, 08:37:32 AM »
I think it's time to break out this classic again: https://www.sfgate.com/entertainment/carroll/article/JON-CARROLL-3324002.php

Dollar Slice

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Re: Increasing social connections/social capital
« Reply #245 on: March 31, 2018, 08:41:20 PM »
I started talking to a stranger today at a concert I had a free ticket to; I really liked him (he is retired, watches his grandkids during the work week and goes to interesting live music in the evenings). When I was telling him about an upcoming event I thought he might be interested in, the person sitting on the other side of him piped up and said "sorry to interrupt, but did I hear you talking about [location of event]? I work there!" So then we all started talking (including the 2nd person's boyfriend) and had a nice chat. :-)  Three new acquaintances and I'm trying hard not to forget all their names immediately. I'm so terrible at remembering people's names... and I'm only so-so with faces. I hate that about myself, it seems disrespectful to the people I meet, somehow.
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imadandylion

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Re: Increasing social connections/social capital
« Reply #246 on: April 01, 2018, 12:48:52 PM »
I'm not really making good progress on the friends front.  I am having a hard time wanting to even agree to go out and have a drink. It just doesn't seem that fun. It seems like most "friends" (I still can't really consider my coworkers to be true friends) just want to go out and drink all the time and it's not really me because more health-focused by comparison.

It seems that when you are trying not to spend money frivolously AND trying to be healthy (AND vegan, so there's more limited options of even going out to a restaurant/bar) that the difficulties in developing friendships are compounded.  Most people my age (mainly talking about my coworkers because they're the only people I have the option of hanging out with) are very into going out all the time and spending money ALL the time and are definitely not interested or aware of the more frugal lifestyle. How are others dealing with this?

I am not really sure how to meet other people.  I have considered meetup before but the activities also seem very go-to-a-restaurant-or-a-bar focused. There doesn't seem to be very many active/hiking groups and I kind of feel like I prefer to do activity like that with just my partner because I don't like coordinating stuff like that with a bunch of people.

I took a group exercise class where we had to do stations in a small group to practice boxing moves on various equipment and you could sometimes talk to people when transitioning to the next round. I don't know how many people are interested in finding friends when they're just going to a class to exercise and the only real time to talk is before or after the class, but this is a possibility, I guess. It's something I'm just trying to do for myself anyway, so it would be a major plus if I could make friends this way. I could try a yoga class, too, but I have a feeling that people would be inclined to be less talkative and more about the experience than meeting other people...  Seems like taking classes in general may be a good avenue.
« Last Edit: April 01, 2018, 12:52:52 PM by imadandylion »

Dollar Slice

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Re: Increasing social connections/social capital
« Reply #247 on: April 01, 2018, 03:03:04 PM »
It seems that when you are trying not to spend money frivolously AND trying to be healthy (AND vegan, so there's more limited options of even going out to a restaurant/bar) that the difficulties in developing friendships are compounded.  Most people my age (mainly talking about my coworkers because they're the only people I have the option of hanging out with) are very into going out all the time and spending money ALL the time and are definitely not interested or aware of the more frugal lifestyle. How are others dealing with this?

My frugal friends are, for the most part, people who just don't earn much money. Which might rule out your co-workers! I have friends who get paid irregularly like artists and musicians, people whose job tends to be intermittent (e.g. working in television where shows come and go all the time), and a couple of folks who have 9-5 jobs but are just naturally frugal. Plus there are some real spendypants who I have to be careful with. It can definitely be uncomfortable with people who just assume everyone is OK going to an expensive restaurant/drinking a lot of alcohol/etc. I think you have to be pretty forward about it and come up with good alternate suggestions. They won't change on their own. Get ahead of the curve and be the one who invites people to things/plans things. There is an endless world of interesting activities out there besides eating and drinking in restaurants. Free museum days, free concerts, charity walkathons, botanical gardens, volunteering, outdoor movies in the summer, art galleries, lectures/talks, etc. etc. Maybe you could try to organize a more cultural/educational thing to do once a month with your co-workers or with a meetup group.
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imadandylion

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Re: Increasing social connections/social capital
« Reply #248 on: April 02, 2018, 07:43:31 PM »
@Dollar Slice You're totally right, that's what I needed to read! Looking back on March, I pretty much took the passenger seat which leads to people just inviting me some places (I guess I should be grateful at least that still happens, lol) instead of playing the active role of initiating activities/outings.  I generally felt in the past that when I organized events, it was more fun because it was what I wanted to do and it seems at least different from what other people suggest, so I always get positive feedback on them. I will have to be more creative and plan. Last Friday I asked some people what they were doing but didn't suggest anything concretely, just did the "Oh yeah, we should do that sometime" in regards to hiking and tennis, so I could follow up on that.

Trifele

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Re: Increasing social connections/social capital
« Reply #249 on: April 03, 2018, 07:58:15 AM »
My crazy 1500 mile road trip to visit old friends this weekend went great!  We had a wonderful time together hiking with their dogs, cooking, playing games, and watching movies.  Fantastic weekend.  We are hatching plans to get together next spring to go camping.  But hopefully I won't have to wait that long to see them again. 

I would love to have a friend or two nearby in our new location that I feel this comfortable with.  I will keep searching!