Author Topic: Healthy Choices in 2018  (Read 13353 times)

Lauran75

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Re: Healthy Choices in 2018
« Reply #200 on: January 22, 2018, 01:34:03 PM »
@Tris Prior Can he have an electric kettle or something like that? Would he like tea? Maybe even cold steeped tea (if no electric kettle)?  Or a bottle of flavored sparkling water?
 
I had a Cherry/Vanilla Coke/Pepsi habit up til October of 2016. Then I quit cold turkey. Not even a small sip of my DHs soda when out at restaurants (that seemed to always be my slippery slope when quitting before.) I've replaced that addiction with flavored sparkling water and tea. :) I am now working on getting away from the sparkling water ...

Healthy choices -
Managed to get out and walk on Saturday, but not on Sunday (dreary, blustery, rainy day ...) Made a couple trayfuls of roasted veggies which should last multiple meals this week. Also bought a bunch of bags of frozen veggies from Dollar Tree - easy microwavable meal. All this in the effort to add lots more veggies to my intake (rather than fruits being the predominant source ... bananas, apples, dates, dried pineapple, raisins ... yum!)

SquashingDebt

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Re: Healthy Choices in 2018
« Reply #201 on: January 22, 2018, 05:55:24 PM »
I'll chime in about sparkling water - it helped me kick a Diet Coke habit and I usually want it for the same reason - a little bored at work and want a distraction.  I usually have 3-5 different flavors at my desk at work at all times. I just bring the 12-packs straight in, but maybe he could bring in 2-3 different flavors along with his lunch each day?

horsepoor

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Re: Healthy Choices in 2018
« Reply #202 on: January 22, 2018, 09:25:47 PM »
Coke is a combo of sugar, fizz and caffeine.  Removing one of those at a time is the easiest, IMO.  Maybe he could go to Sprite or something for a few weeks, then sparkling water or Crystal Lite, then water?  I know you said he doesn't like tea, but maybe an herbal tea, or something made with a sofa stream?

Doing well here.  Indulged in beer and cake on Friday, and bread and pancakes this weekend, but within reason.  Ran on Saturday, rode and did barn work on Sunday,  and did a short gym workout today, then walked the dog while dinner was in the oven.  Have a solid meal plan for the week and will be staying active every day.

horsepoor

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Re: Healthy Choices in 2018
« Reply #203 on: January 22, 2018, 09:29:31 PM »


Side note: Anyone know anything about a mixture for cleaning paws that would be dog-safe and kept in a spray bottle?  It would be far simpler to keep a basket with rags and the spray bottle in the entrance than having to run to the sink, dig around for a rag, etc.

Maybe diluted raw Apple cider vinegar?  We use it on horses feet tomprevent thrush, but it's possible that dogs might really detest the smell.

galliver

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Re: Healthy Choices in 2018
« Reply #204 on: January 23, 2018, 01:41:23 AM »
I want to join but I'm feeling self conscious having been called out for one or more of my statements in the weight loss thread... I do apologize for the feelings they clearly evoked. I come from a place of moderation almost always, but should try to consider other perspectives. I do admit I am counting calories, because that works for me right now, but that isn't all I'm doing and I won't bring that here.

I am also remaining very gentle, flexible, and nonpunitive in urging myself to exercise more (my hard-ish limit is once a week, and that's actually for mental health--I have also found it keeps anxiety and overwhelmed-ness at bay...). Also, I am (/we are) exploring other ways of cooking/eating since bf was told to limit or cut meat, fat, salt, and booze (esp beer) last August. I didn't used to like beans but that isn't an option anymore! (In return, bf has come around to mushrooms and sweet potato recently. That, or got kidnapped by aliens...) We have no intention of becoming full vegetarians yet, but definitely vegan-curious.

@Tris Prior, a peace offering...

In my experience it's more fun to have "boring" drinks through a straw...I am not good at drinking water and I had 8 cups today this way. It's not true for everyone, but it is for many...could this help your boyfriend transition to better drinks? Also (as a stepping stone and not the final desired result) iced tea or lemonade made at home, even with added sugar, needs half as much sugar to taste good (and you're in control so you can taper off, if/as desired). Just 2 more ideas to throw at him and see what sticks (hopefully something!)

Tris Prior

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Re: Healthy Choices in 2018
« Reply #205 on: January 23, 2018, 09:03:28 AM »
Boyfriend did not have any pop yesterday! :D

Unfortunately, he's tried: tea, sparkling water, lemonade with less sugar (I made it pretty tart for myself, back when I was having sugar, because I like it that way. He was totally disgusted and dumped a ton more sugar in), with no success. The only other thing he really likes to drink is hot cocoa and, well, that doesn't really solve the sugar/calorie problem. Oh, and milk. I've had to ration his milk, he can drink a half gallon in a day!

I should totally get him a kid's bendy straw that has loop-de-loops and such! I'm sure his Mean Girl co-workers would think that's hilarious.

It's come out that he's probably depressed, which is off topic for this thread but confirmed in my mind that there's an emotional component to this that I really don't know how to fix. (Have suggested therapy repeatedly, and he won't do it. To be fair, it's not covered by his shitty insurance so that'd be a hardship.)

Anyway! Today I failed to put my overnight oats in my lunch bag, so, no breakfast. I was really looking forward to it, too, it had some of my homemade jam in it that I made with coconut sugar instead of refined sugar (which is tasty if you can get past the fact that it turns your jam dark brown). I did not buy poptarts out of the vending machine, though I was very tempted! Instead I'm eating the berries that were supposed to be part of lunch. They are not as satisfying as hot creamy oatmeal. Oh well. Still proud of myself.

galliver, no worries, if I find the weightloss thread triggering that is my issue, not yours. (And I've posted stuff here that inadvertently triggered other people, on accident.) We all have our issues.

Serendip

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Re: Healthy Choices in 2018
« Reply #206 on: January 23, 2018, 09:16:06 AM »
Good morning all,
  My healthy choice of the day is to take an actual day off (it's my saturday today).

My partner just left town for 5 days, I was skiing the last few days and just started my period...so when a friend wanted me to join her on the mountain today, I needed to take a pause and say "no".

And it feels great. The day is stretched out with no plans.

So I will make my tumeric milk latte and read and meditate and maybe do some gentle yoga and roast some veggies.

Realized my last week was feeling a bit off b/c I was too busy (for my mellow personality), so am recommitting to slowing down & doing less (but working on being more present with whatever I choose to do).

Also am interested in reducing booze intake..it's just such a casual, social thing in my circle and even at home--there is generally always beer and wine around-- and I would like to experiment with more inspired infusions & concoctions! Kitchen witchery ;)

Serendip

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Re: Healthy Choices in 2018
« Reply #207 on: January 23, 2018, 09:19:28 AM »
And TrisPrior, there are some great glass straws out there (stainless steel as well)..which IMO are a great alternative to plastic throwaways--
 you can see the drink swirling up and mine came with a little brush to clean it out!
Good for drinking fizzy water as it protects the enamel of your teeth (even from lemon water or hibiscus tea too, anything with an acidic ph)

jooniFLORisploo

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Re: Healthy Choices in 2018
« Reply #208 on: January 23, 2018, 10:49:09 AM »
I had set three related goals for 2018:

1. Yoga 1x month.
2. Massage once in a while
3. Swim alone (i.e. responsible for no one else) 1x month in peaceful pool.

Last week my kid and I had a ginormous indoor luxury pool to ourselves at points, and with only 1-2 other families at others. Was awesome!! And surreal. Definitely relaxing to swim only with silent, well-cared-for water babies in a wide empty warm space.

With my fancy period coming up, and limited unparenting hours, today was my last chance to swim alone. I've gotten smarter though -called the pool to ask if they "have any bookings" today. Yes, two schools are coming in back to back. Darn. So, I'll let it go for now, since the whole point of the solo swim is utter relaxation and peace (not sensory bombardment). That's a Healthy Choice in 2018 too!

I guess technically I swam alone for much of our last visit, but my dream is to have the changeroom parts solo too (not negotiating meetups, helping kid have all his stuff, etc).

fluffmuffin

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Re: Healthy Choices in 2018
« Reply #209 on: January 23, 2018, 11:01:46 AM »
I feel like I've been a little all over the map so far in 2018. I got sick pretty much immediately, then as soon as I was feeling better last week I had to travel for work Wednesday-Friday. No exercise then, lots of meals out, way more booze than I would usually drink on a weeknight. It's been kind of demoralizing and I haven't been feeling at home in my body and with my routine.

Fortunately this past weekend I got to recenter a bit, even though Saturday did end up being boozier than anticipated. This week I'm trying to focus on hitting my exercise schedule (run Monday/Wednesday/Friday, strength training Tuesday/Thursday/Saturday), cooking lots of veggies (I feel like I haven't cooked since December?), and SLEEPING.

Unfortunately I'm out of town again for the weekend. I have to visit my dad. It will be stressful and will not make me happy. And work is in a super-busy season right now.

I don't know. I try to do the best I can and be gentle with myself, but sometimes everything feels like such a drag. I'll feel better after I work out tonight.

jooniFLORisploo

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Re: Healthy Choices in 2018
« Reply #210 on: January 23, 2018, 11:30:14 AM »
Realized I have access on two counts to the rehab pool!!!! Going there :)

Tris Prior

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Re: Healthy Choices in 2018
« Reply #211 on: January 23, 2018, 08:37:51 PM »
WOW, Day 18 of the yoga challenge kicked my ass. Those one-elbowed planks. OUCH. Pretty sure that I shouldn't be cursing Adriene out during the practice, hahaha.

She did have some interesting things to say in this session about surrendering to the results. I think she means to be less invested in how our bodies' appearance is (or isn't) going to improve and to focus on the movement and how it feels. Which is, well, kind of the opposite approach that I take to exercising, so I found that interesting. It does me good to remember that the only benefit of exercise is not just to look better.

katscratch

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Re: Healthy Choices in 2018
« Reply #212 on: January 23, 2018, 08:45:07 PM »
Focusing on the movement and how your body is getting stronger is a pretty huge shift in mindset. I love it :)
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galliver

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Re: Healthy Choices in 2018
« Reply #213 on: January 23, 2018, 11:25:43 PM »
My healthy choice for the day was not getting a cupcake when I got coffee. Instead I realized I was *actually* getting hungry and had my tasty lunch sandwich (ham & coleslaw).

My unhealthy choice was staying at work even though I was hungry...Thought it would help me keep momentum but actually I was unfocused and distracted and didn't get much done, defeating the purpose!

Mongoose

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Re: Healthy Choices in 2018
« Reply #214 on: January 24, 2018, 08:16:17 AM »
Have a trail race scheduled for Saturday. Forecast is for a 50% chance of rain at 38 degrees. I'm ok with that temperature but not the wet. I don't have gear for those conditions. I decided I'll get up on Saturday and if it looks wet, just go back to bed. The race was free with the running group so not losing money (sunk costs anyway) by not risking hypothermia.

Meal planning reentry continues to be difficult. I ended up getting unhealthy fast food last night because we were starving and would still be away from the house for several hours. It wasn't great but felt better than remaining hungry for the night. Still need to figure out healthy on the go options.

Tris Prior

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Re: Healthy Choices in 2018
« Reply #215 on: January 24, 2018, 08:33:53 AM »
Focusing on the movement and how your body is getting stronger is a pretty huge shift in mindset. I love it :)

Yes! I have a ways to go to get to that mindset, though. It's probably taboo to say this on this thread - but, you know how the conventional wisdom is often something like "find a way to move your body that feels good and that you enjoy"? That's never made sense to me, because I just plain don't enjoy moving my body. I would always, ALWAYS rather be curled up with a book. Or asleep. I have to force myself to get any activity. I do my best to stay positive about it and just make it part of my routine that I don't question, like showering or brushing my teeth, but this is WORK for me.

Maybe if I hear Adriene say it enough it will start feeling more natural. This is all new to me, after all. (I still feel like she's a little bit flippant about the poses that she KNOWS are difficult, and I wish she'd give some modifications for those. As it stands, if I can't do them or they hurt a lot, I stop. Or struggle through and swear at her, haha.)

In the past, my motivation has been looking better, and ONLY looking better. Shifting that to being healthier, or getting stronger, or being more flexible and having less pain, or not becoming immobile when I am old, is a huge shift for me. (Especially when I wake up with my arms and legs and abs KILLING me from yesterday's practice.)


katscratch

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Re: Healthy Choices in 2018
« Reply #216 on: January 24, 2018, 10:38:19 AM »
@galliver That's fantastic! That used to be a huge problem for me -being in the habit of snacking out of boredom and not knowing how I felt when I actually was hungry or thirsty.

@Mongoose Does your family like almonds? I used to keep a giant bag of almonds from a discount store in my car. When my son was younger I kept a box of Goldfish and raisins, too. They lived only in the car but weren't a regular thing so I avoided being asked constantly for Goldfish :) The almonds saved me from drive throughs more than a few times.

@Tris Prior There's a subtle difference between talking through your mindset, and talking negatively about your choices or your body/abilities/appearance :) I used to spend all my time off work reading or napping or sitting in a coffee shop with a friend. Gardening in the summer - but I was definitely not an active person. By a total fluke a few years ago I discovered after a few months of making myself do something I really enjoyed weightlifting and that totally changed my outlook.

Changing my thought patterns around various issues has been so much harder than changing my actual habits. It's usually making myself stick to a plan and then realizing after a few months my thoughts are changing and I feel more and more like a badass.

Keep focusing on the more empowering parts of what you're doing. Like jumping right back on the 30 Days of Yoga after a bad illness - that's impressive! Even if you are still forcing yourself to do it, you're doing it.




I am in a little emotional slump after making some choices in the past couple months that likely ended a friendship - not a bad slump compared to years past or months past, even, and I realized yesterday that this is the first time I've been through a breakup type scenario where I can recognize my mistakes and not berate myself for them. This is probably the most I've tested my ability to have grace for myself, where the stakes felt higher than financial or physical choices. It feels good to know I've made a lot of progress in becoming more resilient and self-loving.
"Life is easy when you have your wants and needs in check and you occupy your time with an outdoor activity to keep yourself well distracted." --Stasher


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alleykat

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Re: Healthy Choices in 2018
« Reply #217 on: January 24, 2018, 12:06:22 PM »
Well, yesterday was my first day back into healthy eating again. It has been a little tough for me as far as stress, etc, but I cant keep using it as an excuse. And it does become an excuse for me, one I easily let derail me.  Yesterday I had absolutely no junk food.  My snack was plain greek yogurt with honey.  Today is going well so far.  Am I tempted by the cookies staring at me, absolutely, but I want to make it through another day with no junk food.  Day by day is how it needs to be.

I do want to start a good exercise routine. Nothing strenuous for now, just trying to get a routine started is tough for me so anything consistently will be a win.




jooniFLORisploo

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Re: Healthy Choices in 2018
« Reply #218 on: January 24, 2018, 01:48:56 PM »
The only two physical activities I'm eager to do are: farm work, ecstatic dancing. Not a lot of opportunities for those, despite my offering to work for free on farms, but I grab them every chance I do get. With reminders to myself about how much I enjoy swimming, hiking, skating once I'm going, I do those too.

jooniFLORisploo

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Re: Healthy Choices in 2018
« Reply #219 on: January 24, 2018, 01:53:09 PM »
Today a Healthy Choice was sleeping til just past noon. (Later, I realized I didn't quite do that. I'd forgotten that I'd woken earlier, organized all my recycling, put it out, had good long chats and hugs with neighbours in the process, and ate an orange, all before going back to sleep.)

I've been needing a good, deep rest. My brain and body have been getting really "full" from learning, activities, meeting new people, doing tests, etc. I can only handle so much of that before I start to crack. So sleeping til noon and having lots of "processing dreams" is excellent. Am hoping I can make myself stay home and indoors til tomorrow, to get a full reset in.
« Last Edit: January 24, 2018, 02:08:11 PM by jooniFLORisploo »

galliver

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Re: Healthy Choices in 2018
« Reply #220 on: January 24, 2018, 02:50:23 PM »
Focusing on the movement and how your body is getting stronger is a pretty huge shift in mindset. I love it :)

Yes! I have a ways to go to get to that mindset, though. It's probably taboo to say this on this thread - but, you know how the conventional wisdom is often something like "find a way to move your body that feels good and that you enjoy"? That's never made sense to me, because I just plain don't enjoy moving my body. I would always, ALWAYS rather be curled up with a book. Or asleep. I have to force myself to get any activity. I do my best to stay positive about it and just make it part of my routine that I don't question, like showering or brushing my teeth, but this is WORK for me.

A few years ago bf and I were discussing exercise and I mentioned hating post-workout soreness, to which he replied that "well yeah, but it's a good kind of soreness, it feels energizing and invigorating!" And I'm like, "no, it feels *exactly* the same as being sick, and makes me wonder if I'm coming down with something." I believe it was a perspective adjustment for both of us, the unsurprising revelation that different people react differently to stimuli (including physical exertion), le gasp! Mind you, I do get a "runners high" sometimes, I enjoy feeling (newfound) strength in muscles if I stick with a program for a while, I do enjoy some fairly low-exertion forms of movement...but for the most part I am like you. I motivate myself to exercise cerebrally ("Self, it is/will be good for me for Reasons"), rather than emotionally ("I want to do this because it will feel good!"). In fact a huge part of the drag is that I anticipate *not* feeling good at the end, which seems a normal response to plenty of exertion experiences that didn't! So basically, I think it's fine interpret "find a way to move that you enjoy" as "find a way to move that you hate less" or anywhere in between on that scale. It's just about finding something sustainable... IMO!

@galliver That's fantastic! That used to be a huge problem for me -being in the habit of snacking out of boredom and not knowing how I felt when I actually was hungry or thirsty.

Thanks! I am pretty familiar with my hunger response(s) and not a habitual snacker, but I do love my pastries/baked goods, they are definitely a temptation. Also I've been learning to recognize and resist being "nibbly" (bored/sad/lonely eating) vs actually hungry.

There's a subtle difference between talking through your mindset, and talking negatively about your choices or your body/abilities/appearance :)
I think this is so true. The difference between "this is a negative thought pattern I get into" and "this thought pattern about myself is True." And it's actually probably pretty important to talk about the first one so it can be dispelled and not internalized...

expatartist

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Re: Healthy Choices in 2018
« Reply #221 on: January 24, 2018, 06:34:44 PM »
I am in a little emotional slump after making some choices in the past couple months that likely ended a friendship - not a bad slump compared to years past or months past, even, and I realized yesterday that this is the first time I've been through a breakup type scenario where I can recognize my mistakes and not berate myself for them. This is probably the most I've tested my ability to have grace for myself, where the stakes felt higher than financial or physical choices. It feels good to know I've made a lot of progress in becoming more resilient and self-loving.

Thanks for sharing KS, this aspect of our health is not to be underestimated. Your response is wonderful, and a good precedent for the future. 

Last weekend my BF and I mutually agreed to end things. He mentioned I'm "a sad person" and how he worried about my heath as a result. I'm not particularly sad (though being with him made me intensely unhappy at times), but am emotionally complex and work on uncomfortable feelings when they arise rather than burying them.

Health goals: when my marriage ended a couple of years ago, I developed a light smoking habit (1-2 cigarettes a day, increasing now with stress of my father's impending death), returning to an emotional crutch after having quit for 9 years. This is something I am working on from a psychological perspective.

jooniFLORisploo

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Re: Healthy Choices in 2018
« Reply #222 on: January 24, 2018, 06:39:12 PM »
He mentioned I'm "a sad person" and how he worried about my heath as a result. I'm not particularly sad (though being with him made me intensely unhappy at times), but am emotionally complex and work on uncomfortable feelings when they arise rather than burying them.

Sorry you have break-up stuff to go through, expatartist :(   Even when it's a mutual decision, it can be hard.

I, too, have found that some people confuse "emotionally aware and processing vs burying feelings" with sadness, etc.

I hope this phase of your life journey is not too hard on you.

lhamo

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Re: Healthy Choices in 2018
« Reply #223 on: January 24, 2018, 07:06:36 PM »
I'm sorry you are having to deal with an important relationship ending on top of your father's illness.   When do you leave for the US?  Do send me an address if you'd like the Gawande book.   It really helped me and I'd love to pay it forward to you/your family.

Hang in there.  We're here for support if/when you need it.
Wherever you go, there you are

jooniFLORisploo

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Re: Healthy Choices in 2018
« Reply #224 on: January 24, 2018, 09:49:09 PM »
I did it! Spent the whole day indoors, in my jammies, resting (and very light tidying, very light food prep). It's made me feel like a million bucks :)    It also let messages rise up in me -that we go out too much, that I'm driving more than is physically comfortable for me, that too much of our time with people is when they have their "pub face" on (best presentation, extrovert face, etc).

Not sure how I'm going to change this up, but I'm going to try to create more stuff closer to home, reduce evening activities from 5-6 per week to 3-4, and spend more time with people's inside faces.

Staying home is really helpful to me.

Suzanne

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Re: Healthy Choices in 2018
« Reply #225 on: January 24, 2018, 10:14:44 PM »
Oh thanks for starting a thread like this.
Then counting calories counts to lose weight is what we hear in weight loss industry.

Tris Prior

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Re: Healthy Choices in 2018
« Reply #226 on: January 25, 2018, 08:51:23 AM »
That sounds like a heavy load, expatartist. I'm sorry to hear it. Take care of yourself.

joon, I think I have the opposite problem of you. I stay in too much, haven't gone out much at all in 2018 (single-digit and below-zero F temps followed by one or both of us being horribly sick with flu will do that, I guess). And am starting to feel terribly isolated. I've tried to reach out to friends but either they are all sick with flu, or they don't feel like going out because it's cold, or they've left town, or..... they're just flaky? I'm still kind of smarting over having to go to the Women's March alone because of what was either a miscommunication with a friend, or being blown off for reasons unknown. I'm trying to assume it was a miscommunication and not her actively deciding "I don't want to go to this with you even though we agreed to." But I'm still feeling kind of hurt and unlikeable.

I read a lot about how health outcomes are better for folks who aren't lonely and have strong social supports, especially when you're older, and that loneliness can be dangerous to one's mental and physical health. I see this happening to my mother, who has isolated herself and does not want human contact unless it is me. I don't really have social supports outside of Boyfriend, and I'm working to develop some.... but it is WORK and sometimes, as an introvert, I'm just out of social spoons to make the effort. (And then, as joon mentions, I feel like I have this performative fake-extrovert face on with new people and it's not pleasant.) Can anyone relate?


A few years ago bf and I were discussing exercise and I mentioned hating post-workout soreness, to which he replied that "well yeah, but it's a good kind of soreness, it feels energizing and invigorating!" And I'm like, "no, it feels *exactly* the same as being sick, and makes me wonder if I'm coming down with something."

Ha! Yes, this exactly. It is not "good" soreness when you literally cannot sit down on the toilet without excruciating pain in your quads (to use a recent example). It is not "good" soreness when you need help taking off your bra because your arms are so sore they can't reach behind you. I will say that the soreness is getting less, and seems to flare now only when I try something new. (One-legged squats I am looking at you!!). So, progress?

jooniFLORisploo

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Re: Healthy Choices in 2018
« Reply #227 on: January 25, 2018, 10:05:16 AM »
I went through periods of extreme isolation. For example, for one year I lived basically as a hermit, with almost no contact with anyone - lived alone, no job, no capacity for volunteer work, no friends, no social groups. Many other stretches have been only one step up from that (work 70 hours per week, or have one awful "partner" as sole contact, etc).

I still have no friends in the sense of live, social contact, people I can just share day to day life with, etc. I've had it a couple of times for 1-4 years, then one of us moves or our coupleship ends. When I moved to my newest world last spring, I had almost no contact with anyone besides my kid for about four months; that was really hard for me. Eventually I was able to get into enough good groups that things are great -except for how often I have to leave my house for hours at a time to facilitate the different contacts for me and my kid!

I really rely on (thus seek out) community connection, so I go to lots of groups. I really, really enjoy those and they fill me up really well. They're not the same as personal friendship, but they do include people that end up genuinely caring about me and my kid, and that's as good as it gets for us so I take it :)

In my last location and this one, I've gotten pretty close to actual friendships with good, kind people, so something seems to be improving with time and effort!

A few years ago bf and I were discussing exercise and I mentioned hating post-workout soreness, to which he replied that "well yeah, but it's a good kind of soreness, it feels energizing and invigorating!" And I'm like, "no, it feels *exactly* the same as being sick, and makes me wonder if I'm coming down with something."

I really loved and appreciated this galliver. I enjoy the soreness that Tris Prior describes, but really question the flu-like experience. Is exercise positive if I'm so sick and fatigued for a day or two after? (This is despite doing everything "right".) I've found some forms of movement that are great fits for me, but they do still result in a higher need for rest, not more energy, lol.

fluffmuffin

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Re: Healthy Choices in 2018
« Reply #228 on: January 25, 2018, 11:45:14 AM »
I read a lot about how health outcomes are better for folks who aren't lonely and have strong social supports, especially when you're older, and that loneliness can be dangerous to one's mental and physical health. I see this happening to my mother, who has isolated herself and does not want human contact unless it is me. I don't really have social supports outside of Boyfriend, and I'm working to develop some.... but it is WORK and sometimes, as an introvert, I'm just out of social spoons to make the effort. (And then, as joon mentions, I feel like I have this performative fake-extrovert face on with new people and it's not pleasant.) Can anyone relate?

Oh, for sure. I've been in [current city] for three years, and I still don't feel like I have many friends in the area. I think making friends as an adult is hard to begin with, and it's even harder for introverts. I'm also an introvert, and while I do genuinely enjoy meeting new people and having social time...by the time I'm done with my person-facing job (that I love), the last thing I want to do is drag myself to a MeetUp or a brain-intensive class. I just want to curl up on the couch with my boyfriend, dog, and a book. I do have a tentative little baby friend group from my summer running group, and I have friends from work, but other than that I just don't have local friends. I vacillate between feeling like I need to fix it, and accepting that I just don't have the mental and emotional energy to do the work.

One thing that's kind of an intermediate step for me is the studio/gym. I always went/go to the same classes, so after a while you start recognizing people, and you have a shared experience that makes it easy to start surface-level conversations (oh wow those planks were killer, have you taken a class with this teacher before, etc.). I haven't had any Real Friendships (tm) start that way, but I have people that I can chat with a bit when I'm at class, which makes me feel less like a hermit. So that can be a two birds, one stone option if group exercise is a thing that you're open to exploring.

SquashingDebt

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Re: Healthy Choices in 2018
« Reply #229 on: January 25, 2018, 05:54:54 PM »
Healthy victory update:  Today, for the very first time in my life (if I'm remembering correctly, but I think I am), I was EXCITED to go exercise after work.  As in, I looked forward to it all afternoon.  I almost can't believe it.

The key to my success has been discovering my local Jazzercise class.  The instructor is fantastic - warm and cheerful and a little goofy to keep us laughing, I like learning the routines and it keeps me from thinking about how hard I'm working during a lot of it, and the other women are really great too. So, @Tris Prior and others - hold out hope.  If I can find an exercise I like that much after a lot of years of trying, hopefully you can too!

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Re: Healthy Choices in 2018
« Reply #230 on: January 25, 2018, 09:49:18 PM »
Regarding making friends when we are older: I read this article not too long ago..

http://www.nytimes.com/2012/07/15/fashion/the-challenge-of-making-friends-as-an-adult.html

One part that stuck out for me..
"As external conditions change, it becomes tougher to meet the three conditions that sociologists since the 1950s have considered crucial to making close friends: proximity; repeated, unplanned interactions; and a setting that encourages people to let their guard down and confide in each other"

I have realized how important it is to keep my part-time job b/c I work with fantastic people (rather than go fully solo). Also, a friend moved into my neighborhood  so now we see each way more often, for walks or tea b/c it is easier to connect spur of the moment.
Definitely important to have a stronger social network as part of my health goals.

jooniFLORisploo

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Re: Healthy Choices in 2018
« Reply #231 on: January 25, 2018, 09:59:17 PM »
I made a big (for me) move today. For months I've agreed to stand outside in the cold and rain and dark, unsheltered, until a group decides to release the kids, even well after the scheduled pick-up time. This can mean anywhere from 30-60 minutes standing waiting. Today I declared that I would wait at a comfortable place nearby until Comfy Place closed, then pick him up on that schedule.

It was hard work for me to declare a pick up time earlier than they request, but I've been overextending myself, so am creating some balance now.

Similarly, when an doctor's office kept phoning me to try and book a procedure, I emailed a list of questions I would need answered in order to make the booking (logistics).

Instead of feeling "at the mercy" of places, giving them power and me fatigue or frustration or confusion, I'm been locating my power.

fluffmuffin

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Re: Healthy Choices in 2018
« Reply #232 on: January 26, 2018, 06:58:23 AM »
Regarding making friends when we are older: I read this article not too long ago..

http://www.nytimes.com/2012/07/15/fashion/the-challenge-of-making-friends-as-an-adult.html

One part that stuck out for me..
"As external conditions change, it becomes tougher to meet the three conditions that sociologists since the 1950s have considered crucial to making close friends: proximity; repeated, unplanned interactions; and a setting that encourages people to let their guard down and confide in each other"

I have realized how important it is to keep my part-time job b/c I work with fantastic people (rather than go fully solo). Also, a friend moved into my neighborhood  so now we see each way more often, for walks or tea b/c it is easier to connect spur of the moment.
Definitely important to have a stronger social network as part of my health goals.

@Serendip I was thinking about that article while I wrote my post, but I couldn't remember where I'd read it! Thanks for the link. It's such a great way to remind ourselves that it isn't that we all suck at making friends as adults--it's that it's actually, for real, harder. Of my best friends, all but one are either from high school, college, or grad school. That friend is from another running group, where we met twice a week to run for an entire summer and fall training cycle. So we had proximity, repeated (if planned) interactions, and nothing gets your guard down like struggling through a 16-mile run at 6am in August.

Personal news wise, so far the end of the week is sucking a lot less than the beginning. I crushed a really hard workout last night: I was the only person I could see who finished this one deadly set up planks and pushups without taking a break (I was def not going all the way down for the pushups at the end though, my chest was donnnnneee). And this will maybe get me some Healthy Choices demerits, but I let myself drink on weekdays this week. Not the healthiest coping mechanism, but work was just soul-killing Monday-Wednesday and I needed to do something for myself other than just sweating it out. The weeknight dranks tap is cut off again as soon as I finish killing the bottle of wine.

Frugal Lizard

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Re: Healthy Choices in 2018
« Reply #233 on: January 26, 2018, 07:22:31 AM »
Boyfriend did not have any pop yesterday! :D

Unfortunately, he's tried: tea, sparkling water, lemonade with less sugar (I made it pretty tart for myself, back when I was having sugar, because I like it that way. He was totally disgusted and dumped a ton more sugar in), with no success. The only other thing he really likes to drink is hot cocoa and, well, that doesn't really solve the sugar/calorie problem. Oh, and milk. I've had to ration his milk, he can drink a half gallon in a day!

I should totally get him a kid's bendy straw that has loop-de-loops and such! I'm sure his Mean Girl co-workers would think that's hilarious.

It's come out that he's probably depressed, which is off topic for this thread but confirmed in my mind that there's an emotional component to this that I really don't know how to fix. (Have suggested therapy repeatedly, and he won't do it. To be fair, it's not covered by his shitty insurance so that'd be a hardship.)

Have you heard of "Slim by Design"? It is amazing science based research about human behaviour and how to work around our unconscious bias about why we eat.  I found so much good actionable items to help me improve greatly on my coke habit.  I was sleep deprived and a coke was a beautiful thing at 3:30 to get me to dinner and everything was great with a coke after dinner. 
Best of luck.
Seeing the possibilities

jooniFLORisploo

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Re: Healthy Choices in 2018
« Reply #234 on: January 26, 2018, 07:53:52 AM »
re: Friendships. I generally have no trouble finding awesome people, and I get to hang with them in groups about 15 hours a week currently. The catches for me are these:

1. Parenting. I can rarely go to most places and events my fellow adults relax at, because: $25/hr daycare. The few covered hours I have each week don't match the average person's schedule. We live in a weird culture that demands the parent be hyperresponsible for their children, in an environment where children are not welcome in heaps of places. That makes for a lot of isolation for a lot of parents.

2. Time/space. This overlaps with the above, but exists independently of it too. Trying to meet up with people for rich connection is convoluted. (If I'm remembering that article correctly from when I read it some years back, it covers this.) People have their stopwatch on because they have to be at another appointment in 90 minutes, or we lose 2 hours of the limited visit-time available to driving to each other, or our schedules line up once every four months. 

I've lived in several places where -despite not having a job or school in common- we all just hung out together daily for hours and hours and hours, no sense of time, no appointment to get to, kids welcome... We stopped after the second-to-last person had drifted off to sleep. It was super easy in those contexts to have rich connection.

I don't think it's an "adult past college" challenge so much as an issue of the wider culture that carefully segregates aspects of life via policies on age, minutes on a clock, how high an entrance fee each can afford, etc. I find people in my current location who are trying to buck that trend, and we have lots of fun together, but outside of those select group gatherings, meeting up can be tricky. The stopwatch one puts me off enough to not bother with the one-on-one that's available. (I did have two awesome nonstopwatch meetups recently, though.)

I think this is why a lot of MMMers enjoy camps so much. It's the nonstopwatch, all (well off) people welcome mode. These are the norm in some subcultures, but not the norm in productivity-focused ones.

Frugal Lizard

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Re: Healthy Choices in 2018
« Reply #235 on: January 26, 2018, 08:40:07 AM »
I want to talk about my approach to friends. 

I had a period of low friends in my early forties.  It seemed very pronounced after all the new mommy friends I had made when I had my son.  We moved cities between first and second babies.  I wasn't making work friends particularly and while on mat leave with second, I had no way to make new baby friends - all those with open dance cards had only a new born while I had a very active two and a half year old as well. Old uni friends were working and not having families.  None of the men classmates have children.  High school friends are far away and don't share my interests at all.

How I made new friends in the last while was on some of the community group projects.  They are different kinds of friends.  I also have my painting ladies.  We met taking classes and the instructor said we should just practice painting together and not to take any more of her classes.  We paint together once a month and take the odd workshop.  And have an intense natter during our painting session.  Three of them are 15-20 years older than me and have grandchildren. 

My neighbour got us on the street all acquainted by putting a flyer in our mailbox inviting us to a happy hour in her garden on a Friday evening.  Byo-E verything and it is outside so you don't have to clean up for people to come.

The types of friendships that I have now are very different from those in my twenties and thirties.  But a common thread is that we have a common purpose focus - we are growing food for a foodbank, trying to get someone elected, trying to learn to paint, working on raising money.  Very different types of friendships with each other.

I have also found a way to reconnect with classmates from uni.  Once a year or so we meet up at a conference or training event and re-connect for much laughter and reminiscences.  In October '17 we met in Montreal.  The change in location makes us cover new ground instead of just repeating the old ground.  It is an intense catch up and building but reconnects us so strongly. When one of us is dealing with tradegy - we leap into support mode and I know it feels really good.  One of us recently escaped an abusive marriage - and our meet up was the catalyst that gave her the courage to do that.  So I may only see those guys once or twice a year - they are really good friends.  And when something bad happens - we are there.

Just this past week I had coffee with someone that I am pretty sure has friend potential.  She is a little older than me and way more brave and extroverted.  But we share a common interest and sense of humour.  I will be working with her over the next couple of weeks on a little project and I think she will become someone that I will call friend.

The week before I met with someone that I thought would be able to advise me on a problem that I had.  I reached out to her because she has expertise and asked if she would have time to help me with this problem.  She was thrilled to be asked, upset that I had the problem and has since provided some follow up encouragement and best of all, asked me to join her and her friends at a celebration dinner for women at her table.  She has said that she thinks I would really enjoy meeting her friends and they would enjoy my company.  An acquaintance moving toward friendship. 

But I can see that these examples might not be that helpful at this moment when you are feeling lonely.  These examples have taken years to transition from acquaintance to friend.  There is a lot of lonely between that time. 

But they are examples of bridging the age and stage divide that occurs once we leave school or have friends that are our children's friend's parents.

My best advice is to get busy being a friendly busy person.  Working along side people on something that you both value is very powerful at bringing you together. Join groups doing a project that makes something.  Plant trees at tree plantings - better still - offer to bring refreshment (water) to tree plantings for the workers.  Be the communications person for fundraisers - everyone asks you to help with their part.  Attend community meetings, workshops, council meetings. Offer to take the minutes.  You will be developing community across age, stage and gender lines.  You will be making your world a better place and you may be pleasantly surprised at the cool people you will meet.  And then be brave, and ask someone out for a coffee or offer to help on something that throws you together.  It is a quicker cure for loneliness just to be busy and longer term  in building a multi-leveled community.

Seeing the possibilities

Tris Prior

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Re: Healthy Choices in 2018
« Reply #236 on: January 26, 2018, 08:52:12 AM »
You guys! So.... did I mention this before? I have a remote personal trainer, who is a friend of a friend. He sends me strength-training exercises to do, I do them and report back. It sounds weird, butsince there is zero chance of me going to a gym and/or going to an actual trainer in person who might be judgmental (he's TOTALLY not), it works for me.

Anyway. He recently told me to get a pull-up bar, the kind that hooks over your door. I was very suspicious of this; I have bad memories of nearly failing PE as a preteen because I could not do 1 single pullup or even do the thing where you hold yourself up at the top of a pull-up position and they time how long you can do it. (The teacher thought I was lazy, or faking, or, I don't even know. It was so embarrassing.) But, I went and bought the damn thing. Last night was my first workout involving it - and I held myself up for 5 whole seconds! Twice! That is 5 seconds more than I was able to do as a very overweight 11-year-old!

Regarding making friends when we are older: I read this article not too long ago..

http://www.nytimes.com/2012/07/15/fashion/the-challenge-of-making-friends-as-an-adult.html

One part that stuck out for me..
"As external conditions change, it becomes tougher to meet the three conditions that sociologists since the 1950s have considered crucial to making close friends: proximity; repeated, unplanned interactions; and a setting that encourages people to let their guard down and confide in each other"


Yes, that's absolutely true. I have a few strikes against me, other than people generally being busy and isolated.

- I am a nerd but I hate gaming. HATE. IT. Typically, nerd meetups and get-togethers revolve around gaming. That's just not fun for me. I've tried, repeatedly, and I hate it. I am not fun to be around, I suspect, when I'm doing an activity I really dislike.

- I have some acquaintances who are burners.* I like them a lot. Their politics and worldview match mine..... but, you guys. So. Much. Weed. (and sometimes hallucinogenics). I have never taken drugs, and while I feel that it's no one's business what someone chooses to put in their body and I'm in favor of legal weed, I don't like being around people who are stoned, and I'm also very, very allergic to all kinds of smoke. Sooner or later, if I'm hanging out with burner friends, out comes the weed and I have to leave because I'm having trouble breathing. It somehow is not OK to say "can you please not smoke up in front of me," while in my experience tobacco smokers will go out of their way to partake someplace that is Else, if they know their smoke is bothersome to someone.

Though, I guess it's not the same thing. We only have medical weed here, not recreational, so it's not like someone can step outside to smoke up as one can with regular cigarettes.

Anyway, I keep running into these same issues when I try to be social. I am SO sick of having to leave social events because I can't breathe due to the weed. Honestly, it makes me skip a lot of social events lately.

Uncertain how to meet people who have similar views and interests, but are OK with not gaming or smoking for an evening. I've joined groups and volunteered, but so far that has not resulted in friendships that go beyond the actual event or task. (I worked on a political campaign last year and really enjoyed it; unfortunately the candidate pulled out so it ended. But even there, everyone was stoned all the time! :( )

* burner (n): a person who goes to Burning Man every year, or if funds and/or life prevent it, goes to local "burns" that are similar in nature to Burning Man but nowhere near as large or expensive.

jooniFLORisploo

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Re: Healthy Choices in 2018
« Reply #237 on: January 26, 2018, 10:05:03 AM »
I've joined groups and volunteered, but so far that has not resulted in friendships that go beyond the actual event or task.

Frugal Lizard, it seemed like you were referring to some relationships in this ^ context as friendships. Like Tris, I don't. I call those acquaintanceships, buddies, playpals, activity partners. We might have an amazing time together during those activities, but the contact is specific to the activity and, like Tris is describing, doesn't go beyond that container.

What I define as friendship is specific to something well beyond "enjoying each other's company." So, maybe some of the difference is not "Person A has friends; Person B doesn't have friends" but rather different people defining friendship differently.

I love love love my acquaintanceships and group party time, and definitely appreciate support when it comes, but these aren't friendships to me. For me, friendship is more about emotional intimacy, deep trust, knowing each other's day to day, etc -in addition to getting a big fat kick out of spending time together. It has an almost romantic sense to it. I have that with a few people, but they're scattered across the planet.

...I held myself up for 5 whole seconds! Twice! That is 5 seconds more than I was able to do as a very overweight 11-year-old!

That IS really freakin' awesome!!! Way to go, Tris!!

Tris Prior

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Re: Healthy Choices in 2018
« Reply #238 on: January 26, 2018, 10:40:04 AM »

I love love love my acquaintanceships and group party time, and definitely appreciate support when it comes, but these aren't friendships to me. For me, friendship is more about emotional intimacy, deep trust, knowing each other's day to day, etc -in addition to getting a big fat kick out of spending time together. It has an almost romantic sense to it. I have that with a few people, but they're scattered across the planet.

Yes, for me friendship is being able to give and receive support - whether that's emotional or practical. And having fun, of course! Like you, joon, I have people like this in my life but few to none are local to me.

Story time! I had to fill out this health questionnaire thing to save some paltry amount on my health insurance premiums at my job. Among the questions were things like, "Do you have someone in your life who would lend you money if you needed it," "Do you have someone in your life who would bring you food or run your errands if you were sick or injured," "Do you have someone in your life who will listen if you need to talk about a problem." Other than the lending-money part, because that's kind of a loaded subject for me, that's partly what defines friendship for me - having people you can rely on, and who can rely on you. Not 24-7. Not to the detriment of their own needs. Not in a boundary-stomping or emotional-vampire sort of way. But.... interdependency and mutual support, I guess?

Honestly, that questionnaire pissed me off, though I understand why they were asking those questions, the whole loneliness/lack of support = bad health outcomes thing. Because, first, it felt a little classist; there are MANY reasons why someone's family and/or social circle might be unable to lend you money, and that doesn't mean you're a bad person or unhealthy. It might mean that you've lifted yourself out of poverty but your circle is still very poor. It might mean that those closest to you are just bad with money! Or have health issues, or, well, there are a zillion reasons why people might not be able to help a friend financially.

And secondly, it felt a little shame-y of people who, for whatever reason, haven't been able to connect with people who will help them. At the end of the questionnaire, it spits out recommendations about how to improve your health. Eat more vegetables, get more sleep, exercise more often, etc. I answered the above questions in the affirmative because i do have someone who would do those things - my partner. But I have to wonder what the recommendation would be if I'd answered in the negative. "Find friends who have money and are willing and able to provide practical help to you," I guess?

In my life, when I had more friends, I was always the one doing the helping anyway; it often wasn't reciprocated, though i didn't really mind because historically I've had my shit together better than my friends did.

This is all very interesting stuff to think about!

katscratch

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Re: Healthy Choices in 2018
« Reply #239 on: January 26, 2018, 11:29:46 AM »
@Tris Prior Way to go on the pullup bar!!

Also: nerd that hates gaming: me
        hippie that is so over the party culture burning man has turned into: me

We'd be friends :)

@Serendip I understood your post more along the lines of cultivating friendships from those acquaintances. I'm in my early forties and I have found a very similar dynamic. Making myself go out and join group activities, and over the past year a few of those people have turned into actual friends. Not perfect friendships necessarily, but good enough to know I can call on them when I need to get out of my house on a random Sunday.
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alewpanda

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Re: Healthy Choices in 2018
« Reply #240 on: January 26, 2018, 01:47:47 PM »
Ok, so my eating habits have been dicey a few times in the last couple of days, but still chugging along with vegetarian breakfasts and lunches, which keeps me still feeling ok...even if dinner isn't the healthiest.

I have been walking A LOT.  My legs are letting me know that! lol

Finally, my 2 big check ins are as follows: 1) I have been making REAL time for painting...as in, scheduling it.  Which makes me and the rest of my life that much less stressful feeling.  And 2) I am cutting back on my coffee consumption.  Today I had about 1/3 less coffee than typical..and i simply did it by not making the full pot.  Normally my DH would have one mug, and I would have 3ish to finish it off.  I had 2 mugs full...and I feel ok actually.  I think I will stick with 2 mugs for a while, cuz I know that one or less leaves me with headaches....I might be addicted :(


galliver

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Re: Healthy Choices in 2018
« Reply #241 on: January 26, 2018, 06:39:49 PM »
Re: friendship, one thing I've found is that as adults we tend to be, I think, more hesitant to really reach out and make first contact or make some kind of plan; possibly we feel like it would be pushy or invasive to do that? Either way, I found adult connections got a lot farther toward adult friendships when I started inviting people to concrete things rather than waiting to be invited. Or just reaching out in general "Hey [new friend], that thing we talked about when we met? I found this cool article about it, what do you think?". Some people are flaky, or uninterested, and I'm not saying keep trying to fill the bottomless well, but if you take it upon yourself to reach out, find an event, plan a night out...people respond. And eventually, they think of you when they crave company; plus you've established that it's ok to ask...  Also, I am likewise a nerd without much interest in gaming (um, video games. Board games are great, IMO. But I haven't really heard that called "gaming".)

It is not "good" soreness when you literally cannot sit down on the toilet without excruciating pain in your quads (to use a recent example).
Ha! I have that *exact experience* anytime I go on hiatus and then get back into doing squats (or similar). I do find it gets better with consistency... I have found long-term that my well-being and energy is better with consistency, too...but that only contributes to Reasons not intrinsic motivation. Definitely treat exercise like brushing teeth, washing dishes, etc.

Cressida

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Re: Healthy Choices in 2018
« Reply #242 on: January 26, 2018, 10:11:51 PM »
This week, pro:  Avoided the office candy bowl. And it had Twix AND Reese's cups!

This week, con:  Didn't get out for a lunchtime walk except for once. The weather stinks.

jooniFLORisploo

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Re: Healthy Choices in 2018
« Reply #243 on: January 26, 2018, 10:42:19 PM »
Re: friendship, one thing I've found is that as adults we tend to be, I think, more hesitant to really reach out and make first contact or make some kind of plan; possibly we feel like it would be pushy or invasive to do that?

I'm cautious about inviting out, but not out of those concerns. Mine is that I like meeting up when I'm kid-free...but I also love to use those limited hours for daydreaming, singing, school work, school tests, community courses, swimming, shopping, walking. 

I had an AMAZING time with a new acquaintance last week -hiking, eating, talking. It was so fun being at our pace, talking about anything under the sun, eating out without paying for extra people... Unfortunately for me, our mutual kid-free time is precisely never. She'd had a week off work, but that's it now! She and I could hang out with our kids, but it's just not worth it to me (distractions, interruptions, negotiating all the different energies and paces).

It's the same reason I don't date. I have very few adult-only hours, and about a billion hours worth of activities I want to do in them. And if I do arrange to meet with someone and they flake, I've lost some good solo momentum. Groups are reliable -even if one person flakes, there will for sure be 2-20 others.

I just got home from three fabulous hours with two acquaintances and two strangers :)    Each of the two women I'm sure I'd enjoy spending one on one time with, but I don't think it's going to happen for a few more years.

lhamo

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Re: Healthy Choices in 2018
« Reply #244 on: January 27, 2018, 09:42:16 AM »
This week, pro:  Avoided the office candy bowl. And it had Twix AND Reese's cups!



I salute your willpower -- I wouldn't be able to resist the Reese's....

Guys, I moved my body substantially every day M-F this week!  One of those days was a walk on the trail instead of a gym session, but I'll take it.
Wherever you go, there you are

Serendip

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Re: Healthy Choices in 2018
« Reply #245 on: January 27, 2018, 10:13:51 AM »
Interesting points from all of you--
and good job with every bit of motion..I just put a book on hold at the library titled "move your dna". Will see if I can give it a recommendation after I read it.
Enjoyed reading the different perspectives about friendship.

I was speaking with someone who is studying connection and the feeling of belonging to a community. They are developing an extensive survey for our town--asking people what fosters the feeling, what is needed for it, and how/why we 'lose' it.

I think intimate friendships are so great for us but also important are the micro-connections that we build by being friendly, volunteering, or getting to know the name of the person who bags our groceries, sells us our food, etc. 
Going to work on fostering the micro-connections and go for a big snowy walk today.

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Re: Healthy Choices in 2018
« Reply #246 on: January 27, 2018, 02:03:07 PM »
I was speaking with someone who is studying connection and the feeling of belonging to a community. They are developing an extensive survey for our town--asking people what fosters the feeling, what is needed for it, and how/why we 'lose' it.

I think intimate friendships are so great for us but also important are the micro-connections that we build by being friendly, volunteering, or getting to know the name of the person who bags our groceries, sells us our food, etc. 
Going to work on fostering the micro-connections and go for a big snowy walk today.


I would just like to add that I look at friendships not in a black and white kind of way.  There is a fluidity to acquaintance /friend/very close friend/intimate.  Some people might be more in one category for periods of time and then in a moment and for a moment are closer to another. 
So for my feeling of social connection and to banish loneliness, having an intricate web of people that I work with or share a varying level of myself with is extremely important. 
So the neighbour who drives me and my dying cat to the vet is sharing in a very personal moment of vulnerability but is not at all the type of friend that I had in high school that came over when that aged cat of youth died.
I miss that intimacy of my high school and university friends.  But I have this incredible relationship with the father of my children.  Having anyone else as close to me as this primary relationship feels a little bit adulterous.  Or I don't have any more space for such a deep trust.  Or emotional energy after what I give to him and my two offspring.
I have to think about this a little more.
Thank you to every one who piped in on this as it has made my brain turn for the last couple of days in a very good way.

Other healthy choices:
Attended a family birthday party that was planned around an activity that the little kids enjoyed. My parents footed the bill for admission and fancy lunch for 15. 
Planned nothing else for today so I am puttering around with the laundry and the cleaning and planning to finish a painting - version two of the same hoarfrost scene. I am trying to learn to control/lose control of watercolour paint. 
Have been having some laughs with my kids today. 


Less good choices:
Had wine with a large lunch so I have no urge to make a nice supper.


Seeing the possibilities

katscratch

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Re: Healthy Choices in 2018
« Reply #247 on: January 27, 2018, 03:27:04 PM »
@Serendip I love Katy Bowman! I've followed her for several years. With my son's friends living with me recently I've gone back to a more "normal" household setup, but previously had done things like keeping my dishes on the bottom shelf so I'd have to squat to get them. The concept of building more movement into my day to day routines really helps me, especially in the winter.
"Life is easy when you have your wants and needs in check and you occupy your time with an outdoor activity to keep yourself well distracted." --Stasher


Forum journal https://forum.mrmoneymustache.com/journals/in-which-kat-decided-to-get-her-shit-together

Mongoose

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Re: Healthy Choices in 2018
« Reply #248 on: January 27, 2018, 03:37:37 PM »
It didn't rain so I ran/walked my 7K trail run. Happy with my slow time. I had to use my inhaler but I had it and it worked immediately. We're now putting non-slip treads on the slippery basement stairs. I figure it is a healthy choice since its only a matter of time before the frequent slips become a disaster for someone in our house.

jooniFLORisploo

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Re: Healthy Choices in 2018
« Reply #249 on: January 27, 2018, 09:00:36 PM »
Healthy Choices:
*Played for several hours with three acquaintances today, two of whom are favourite people in my life right now
*Found a way to connect kid with his tribe in a way that was nearly effortless -and entirely comfortable- for me too
*Made us "meal sandwiches" and other stuff to bring along on our big day out