Author Topic: "Challenge" vs. Hard and Fast No Way/No How  (Read 1984 times)

sonjak

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"Challenge" vs. Hard and Fast No Way/No How
« on: January 26, 2017, 08:51:07 PM »
I was thinking about the Uber Frugal January challenge on the way home from work yesterday.  Super crappy day and I wanted to self-medicate with sugar (chocolate, preferably).  I'd previously committed to only spending on needs AND having my own personal January challenge for sugar-free (and now baked goods free) and stopping for something would have violated both.  It sounded so good but I didn't do it; mostly because I didn't want to have to track it and see that number for January in my spreadsheet.  That got me thinking about times when I have made commitments and "fell off the wagon."  Sometimes for similar challenges (get healthier, save more). 

I realize I wasn't really committed.  In my heart, I was really just balancing a hope for something better and a wish to have a different outcome, so I was pretty half-assed about it. 

I've read posts by folks who are doing different challenges and mentioned "oopsing" around a challenge they had signed up for - bought the shoes, got the takeout, etc.  And between my many previous oops and these patterns, I've been thinking about where the line is that we won't cross; where challenge and commitment align. 

What makes a promise something you'd rather die than break vs. something you feel is a deal/opportunity/challenge that's too good to pass up?  An example of a no way/no how end of the spectrum might be cheating on your partner or having a drink as a recovering alcoholic and the other could be not spending more than $200 on groceries (my goal for next month) or not eating a candy bar.  Is it based on how appealing the temptation appears?  The negative sound of the consequences?  Being judged by the other posters on MMM?

I don't have the answer for myself.  I've just been thinking about it and would love to hear others' thoughts.  I know my extremes but that middle seems pretty grey at the moment.

swick

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Re: "Challenge" vs. Hard and Fast No Way/No How
« Reply #1 on: January 26, 2017, 09:33:47 PM »
I think it is a blend of internal motivation and external consequences and the levels of each and how we manipulate them.

For me, the 100% rule comes into play:http://www.smh.com.au/lifestyle/health-and-wellbeing/the-100-per-cent-rule-the-simple-advice-that-changed-my-life-20160825-gr16da.html

Things I choose to 100% on I do, but I know I'm an all or nothing type, and I can justify *anything* to myself if I want to.

Then there is also the games your brain plays, your brains main purpose is to keep you alive and happy, so if you get a momentary boost from something or something is habit, you have to actively work against or train your brain into accepting new habits. That doesn't happen overnight and there is definitely some "opps"  and learning involved in the process.

Then there is the "Fuck it, I've already fallen off the wagon" mentality that traps so many of us, once the breaks are off, it is very hard to get back on track.

Then there is the basic fact that we lie to ourselves all.the.time. and eventually, we stop believing the promises we make to ourselves.  Why should this time be any different than the last 100 times we said we were going to do something and didn't? Every time you do this it reinforces that you don' take yourself seriously or honor your own word - and that makes an impact even if we aren't really aware of it.

Then there are the external consequences, we generally break our word or ourselves more than to others due to the conditioning of operating as community, and being reliant on others for mutual survival. That is why accountability to others usually works better. There is external social pressures, that if strong enough or the consequences of not following through are severe, it will have a bigger impact. This is why Diet bets, publicly stating if you don't follow through you will make a donation to something you despise and other things like that tend to work well.

sonjak

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Re: "Challenge" vs. Hard and Fast No Way/No How
« Reply #2 on: January 27, 2017, 08:30:36 AM »
Thanks, Swick!  I can't believe with all of my reading that I haven't heard of the 100% rule before.  It really resonated with me when I read it. 

Appreciated your comments too and agree with them.  I have fallen to all of those things and when I've stuck with it, I was 100% committed. 

I bookmarked the article to remind me.  I have a few other goals for this year that I want to keep working towards and that will remind me to be all in!

swick

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Re: "Challenge" vs. Hard and Fast No Way/No How
« Reply #3 on: January 27, 2017, 08:46:18 AM »
Another aspect I forgot about, which of course, came to me at 2am...

We have a very limited supply of willpower and decision fatigue is very real, so it makes it harder once that reserve is used up. That's why most people slip later in the day. Automating the decision-making process goes a LONG way to keeping that reserve.

As far as the gauntlet challenge specifically, I also think it depends on having really thought out your challenge before you begin and how it is going to work for you. Setting expectations and rules for yourself consciously before you begin is key. I think a lot of people get gung-ho and forget this part and then reality sets in and it is not quite what they expect or they haven't prepared for xyz.

mathstache

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Re: "Challenge" vs. Hard and Fast No Way/No How
« Reply #4 on: January 30, 2017, 09:12:44 PM »
I know from experience, that having a go to motto or ready response can help when you feel that urge to give in. I've had people offer me something, and feel a real craving for it - while externally I was already responding " No thanks, I'm good." My habit of declining stopped me even with this intense craving I was feeling.

I still had to feel the craving, but it was like the opportunity to cave in had already been decided. I just let the feeling be there and leave my response as it was because I knew the smarter more rational part of myself had decided on this choice for my own health and well being.

There was an interesting article about riding the wave of craving, and just trying to be aware of it as opposed to suppressing it, that showed improvement in people trying to break habits / create new habits.

sonjak

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Re: "Challenge" vs. Hard and Fast No Way/No How
« Reply #5 on: January 31, 2017, 08:47:13 PM »
I totally agree with this, mathstache.  Years ago when I had to change up my diet completely, it was really painful to be the one person there not eating the food.  Now it's habit and it truly doesn't pain me (almost ever) to not eat what everyone else is eating.  I'm used to it and am through the other side.  It's still a choice to eat food that doesn't make me physically sick and how I feel now (health-wise) is worth it.  I don't debate it, the decision was made long ago.  But at first, when I was only sort of in (back to the 100% principle too), it was really tough.

I would be interested in reading that article.  I have read before that a craving will pass in 20 minutes but I have had them last way longer so if it has tips for dealing with that, please post.  :)

Hargrove

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Re: "Challenge" vs. Hard and Fast No Way/No How
« Reply #6 on: February 10, 2017, 08:03:43 PM »
When the motivation is not quite enough, trying to understand the motivation better can help.

When that's not enough, involving the community can help. It's much more effective to GO to a gym with a friend than to TELL a friend you're going to go, though. The willpower drain is not a problem if you set it up to not be a problem.

I have never broken a promise to my SO. She knows this and will only use it to try to get me to do things which are really important for myself, and I always do them. It's easy to do things I drag my feet on that way.

You can create all sorts of motivations external to the goal. Cash pool for a weight-loss winner, for example. There are even charity motivators like stickk.com that donate to a cause you DISLIKE if you don't meet a goal. I think even donating to one you like when you're not intending to would be a good motivator, or just buying a share of a stock you hate maybe. :p

 

Wow, a phone plan for fifteen bucks!