Thoughts on a Badass move to a new state

[MaxRules]

So I've been kicking around the idea for a while. I'm 30, single male, and a business owner here in central Missouri. Overall I live a good and frugal life and things are fairly comfortable. But, I just can't shake that feeling that I am missing something and I am not where I'm supposed to be. I do have family here in MO that I visit occasionally but I don't feel they are holding me here. I have one good friend that I would hate to leave and a few business friends that I have known for a long time. Other than that, there is nothing here for me and I think life is quite boring. I'm in a rural area with few activities and everyone is older than me. I'm about ready to make a move and I'm thinking east Tennessee. I have lived in middle TN for a few years in my early teens and I really loved it and had the best of friends. Also, east TN has lots of outdoor activities, huge trail systems for off-road vehicles (my hobby and business), and better weather. I've done research in the area online but basically I'm drawn to it like a moth to a flame in an almost weird and uncanny way. Maybe it's destiny?

A few random thoughts. I had to move several times in my childhood which meant always losing friends and never really getting established in an area. I really don't want to keep up that tradition but if MO isn't right for me I want to try something new. Also getting established once again in a new area, knowing no one, is difficult. Being a single guy I'm also hoping I might finally meet some nice women that are on the same wavelength as me (is that to much to ask?)  I guess the reason I'm on the forum is to ask fellow mustachians about how you moved to a new city and started a new life. I really enjoyed the MMM article about getting rich by moving to another city. I'm ready for my new and improved next 30 years.

Since this is the share your badassity forum, I need to throw a shout out to my mom who made a totally badass move last year. I lived with her for my first 24 years of life and then moved 50 miles away from her. I visited her almost weekly over the next five years but she was in almost the same situation I am now. She was single, older than 30 (haha), and a business owner. She was ready to semi-retire and loves the beach and warm weather. Last year she sold everything, house, land, and business, and moved 1100 miles away to Florida. I hated to see her go, and she hated to leave me (only child), but she is very happy in her new home. I really love hearing from her and how she is enjoying life. That's certainly a lot better than the occasional 50 mile drive to visit her in a house where she wasn't happy. Now that's a badass move!

[MsSindy]

My badass move: From Southern Calif to Philly Burbs when I was 32. 

I grew up in So Cal, and that is where my family is.  But I was tired of commuting, tired of the concrete and strategically placed palm trees, the smog, and the horrible traffic.  As well as the cookie cutter homes and the SAHMs with breast implants (there were 3 on my street, I kid you not!).  I wanted a big change.  I longed for a house where I could look out my window at a wooded lot and a creek running somewhere nearby.  Throw in some fireflies and little bunnies, squirrels, and deer, and I’m in heaven.  So, when I finally graduated college, we packed up and moved.  This was pre-internet, so other than coming here for my job interview, I couldn’t really research the place.  But I wanted adventure and a new life.  Actually, I came here first, and lived for a year before my husband joined me – he wanted to be sure that I didn’t change my mind.  For me, it wound up being the best decision and I’ve never looked back.  However, I knew if I didn’t take the leap, I would always be looking back at not taking the chance, of being afraid, of being complacent.

Now, all that being said, there have been some challenges socially.  Not having kids, it has been hard to meet other couples.  I would think being single would make socializing a bit easier.  Also, when you don’t grow up in an area, you miss out on the local lore, so you have to work a little harder to get educated (internet is fabulous for this!).  My advice:  use MEETUP.com - excellent way to connect to like-minded people and enjoy the area.

The other smart thing we did was rent for 2 years before we decided to buy.  This allowed us to really understand the area.  Traffic patterns can be a bit dicey if you’re in the wrong area compared to where the jobs are.  Areas that appeared to have a quaint little road, turned into massive traffic headaches during commute time because of the ill-placed lights or just the volume.

As for friends still in So Cal?  We keep in touch, but we’ve all gone on to lead very different lives anyways, so I doubt me staying would have had a different outcome in that regard.

I have no experience with TN, so no comments on WHERE you want to move to.  But, just look at it with a pro/con mentality.  What is the worst that could happen if you don’t like it?  If things don’t work out how you want, would you regret it, or would you take it in stride and know that it added to your list of experiences?

My last comment: don't romanticize TN.  At the end of the day, it's just another city with it's good and bad.  Just because you had great friends when you were 13, doesn't mean that you'll be able to re-create that magic at 30.  I loved growing up in So Cal and had an awesome time and amazing friends, but I don't think I could re-create that feeling now.  Go in with realistic expectations.

[Dr. A]

I give a +1 to a lot of what MsSindy says.

I grew up in very, very small-town Massachusetts, and have lived in Indiana (college), suburban Hartford, NYC (midtown Manhattan and Queens), and have recently moved back to ever-so-slightly-larger-town Massachusetts. Anytime I talk to someone who is thinking about trying a new geography, I always give the same advice: do it!

I have found each of my stops to be a serious culture shock, in a good way. Every location has it's own quirks that you only learn as a local. Even though I learned that I do not want to live in a big city or the midwest permanently, I still loved my time there.

I also found that while I enjoy visiting my old hometown, after a few days of seeing the same people I grew up around doing the same things they've always done, I feel relieved that I didn't just stay in the default position. I wonder, even if those folks are doing what makes them happy, how would they know if they never tried something different? That's probably too judgy of me, but I can't help it. I don't remember meeting too many people that regretted leaving home to try something new.

It will be challenging, but the good stuff always is. Plus, if you're doing outdoor activities all the time, you're bound to meet a bunch of people with similar interests.
 

[tat96]

My badass move at 18 involved joining the Army, getting stationed in Germany, and getting to experience all that Iraq, Kuwait, and Kosovo had to offer in very long stretches of time.

If I had stayed where I was at 18 (Southern California) I would probably be stuck there to this day (14 years later) with no education, no savings, and no wonderful wife.  TN is a great place and has a very favorable income tax (none).  I don't know how it compares to MO but I can't imagine anything in TN is hands down better/worse than MO.  The best thing I ever did was move when everyone I knew was telling me what a mistake I was making. 

I have many friends stuck in SoCal who have no chance of moving up the economic ladder but refuse to leave because it is all they know.  There are many parts of the country with little in the way of opportunity and if people were more willing to relocate or move for greater opportunities I believe society would be much better off economically.  My own mother left SoCal before the housing bust at my request and found a great job and a much cheaper cost of living in Alabama. 

Good Luck!!! 

[hoodedfalcon]

Overall I live a good and frugal life and things are fairly comfortable. But, I just can't shake that feeling that I am missing something and I am not where I'm supposed to be.

This summarizes exactly how I feel right now in my life. I don't know what to tell you. I moved to a new state 1000 miles away when I was going to grad school up north, but that is a totally different sort of situation. And then I moved back here to the South, where it feels like home and also not quite where I am supposed to be. I wish you the best of luck. I would visit as many places as you can before you make this sort of decision. It's a big one, and hard, but sounds like an exciting thing!

[MaxRules]

My last comment: don't romanticize TN.  At the end of the day, it's just another city with it's good and bad.  Just because you had great friends when you were 13, doesn't mean that you'll be able to re-create that magic at 30.  I loved growing up in So Cal and had an awesome time and amazing friends, but I don't think I could re-create that feeling now.  Go in with realistic expectations.

I hear ya. I do try to keep in mind that the new will wear off and the sun will rise just the same way it does right here. I think the main draw for me is the outdoor activities and meeting people that enjoy those as I do. Where I live now we have only farmers (mostly older couples) and people that work boring factory jobs. I think the east TN area I have in my sights will have much more to offer for people like me who enjoy the mountains and hundreds of miles of ATV trails.

I also found that while I enjoy visiting my old hometown, after a few days of seeing the same people I grew up around doing the same things they've always done, I feel relieved that I didn't just stay in the default position. I wonder, even if those folks are doing what makes them happy, how would they know if they never tried something different? That's probably too judgy of me, but I can't help it. I don't remember meeting too many people that regretted leaving home to try something new.
 

Interesting point. There are several people in my family who stay permanently stuck in a rut even though they live a boring and unrewarding life by their own admission. I certainly don't want to have my 50th birthday sitting here having done nothing and wondering what might have been.

The best thing I ever did was move when everyone I knew was telling me what a mistake I was making. 

I have many friends stuck in SoCal who have no chance of moving up the economic ladder but refuse to leave because it is all they know.  There are many parts of the country with little in the way of opportunity and if people were more willing to relocate or move for greater opportunities I believe society would be much better off economically.  My own mother left SoCal before the housing bust at my request and found a great job and a much cheaper cost of living in Alabama. 

Good Luck!!! 

It is funny how so many people can tell you how bad you are screwing up if you do anything, yet they can't seem to do it any better. Good for you for making the move and improving your life.

I think opportunity is what I am looking for. There is nothing here for me in the line of work that I am in. I like to think of it as just like a country music singer moves to Nashville for the opportunity, a person like myself should move to an area that is focused on my interests so I can find opportunities.

I would visit as many places as you can before you make this sort of decision. It's a big one, and hard, but sounds like an exciting thing!

Visiting many places is a good idea. Maybe I should just take the year off, get refreshed, and 'shop around' for that perfect place. I hope I can find people that have as much life in them as I do.

[FrugalZony]

Visiting many places is a good idea. Maybe I should just take the year off, get refreshed, and 'shop around' for that perfect place. I hope I can find people that have as much life in them as I do.

This! If you can afford that, that would be the way to go! It will give you some openness to seize opportunities, to find your spot, your new career and hopefully your SO along the way ;)

I have moved many times and lived in several very different countries. When I moved to AZ a few years back a lifetime dream came true and for a little while everything was perfect.
Since then a few things have happened, that require me to make some adjustments now (job, relationship etc.), but I still very much feel, like I have arrived, I am home.
I hope you find your place too!

[MaxRules]

Visiting many places is a good idea. Maybe I should just take the year off, get refreshed, and 'shop around' for that perfect place. I hope I can find people that have as much life in them as I do.

This! If you can afford that, that would be the way to go! It will give you some openness to seize opportunities, to find your spot, your new career and hopefully your SO along the way ;)

I have moved many times and lived in several very different countries. When I moved to AZ a few years back a lifetime dream came true and for a little while everything was perfect.
Since then a few things have happened, that require me to make some adjustments now (job, relationship etc.), but I still very much feel, like I have arrived, I am home.
I hope you find your place too!

Thanks! I really enjoy the positive outlook of everyone here. I am putting together plans for change to get started within 4-6 weeks. I look forward to posting back here next year to mark all the changes!

[mxer54]

Visiting many places is a good idea. Maybe I should just take the year off, get refreshed, and 'shop around' for that perfect place. I hope I can find people that have as much life in them as I do.

This! If you can afford that, that would be the way to go! It will give you some openness to seize opportunities, to find your spot, your new career and hopefully your SO along the way ;)

I have moved many times and lived in several very different countries. When I moved to AZ a few years back a lifetime dream came true and for a little while everything was perfect.
Since then a few things have happened, that require me to make some adjustments now (job, relationship etc.), but I still very much feel, like I have arrived, I am home.
I hope you find your place too!

Thanks! I really enjoy the positive outlook of everyone here. I am putting together plans for change to get started within 4-6 weeks. I look forward to posting back here next year to mark all the changes!

I'd be in terested in how you'd "shop around".  I am about to retire from a 21 year military career.  I'll have some sources of residual income and I have my retirement (equal to about 500k at 4%) plus my investments...so I'm going to be FI once I retire.  But I'm not really planning on "stopping"...I'm going to keep looking for ways to make money...just not by getting a 9-5 job. My point is that we aren't positive of where we are going to live.  We have an outstanding opportunity as the military will pay for us to move anywhere in the US. But where?  No need to jump into a job...so I like the idea of shopping...but how do you do that without either buying a RV to live in (no way) or spend a bunch of money on hotels?  Or are you talking about just taking a bunch of trips from a central location?

[MaxRules]

I'd be in terested in how you'd "shop around".  I am about to retire from a 21 year military career.  I'll have some sources of residual income and I have my retirement (equal to about 500k at 4%) plus my investments...so I'm going to be FI once I retire.  But I'm not really planning on "stopping"...I'm going to keep looking for ways to make money...just not by getting a 9-5 job. My point is that we aren't positive of where we are going to live.  We have an outstanding opportunity as the military will pay for us to move anywhere in the US. But where?  No need to jump into a job...so I like the idea of shopping...but how do you do that without either buying a RV to live in (no way) or spend a bunch of money on hotels?  Or are you talking about just taking a bunch of trips from a central location?

You are right about having a place to stay and that is some of what I'm working on. I am big into the camping/riding scene already so there is a good chance I will buy a small bumper hitch camper to park in an area I'd like to experience for a while. East TN has plentiful camping and riding just waiting for me. It would be sort of a vacation with a little bit of new home research mixed in. Even one week of hotels is a big expense and not very fun. I like to camp and I would already own a camper if I had someone to camp with more often. A family member already has a camper they never use there is a good chance I will just barrow that a time or two to get started. That takes care of the sleeping arrangements but it is still difficult to get a feel for an area with such a brief stay, and not knowing what I'd really do once there. I am not sure if I want to continue my business or broaden my horizons with something new. I think it will fall into place when things are right and my enthusiasm is high. My destinations will center around my hobby so that will narrow things down a bit.

[Nords]

When the Navy sent my spouse and me to Monterey duty, we thought it was a pretty nice place to live.  We decided that the only better way to live in California would be to enjoy a warmer climate... like San Diego.  We were pretty sure that there wasn't enough money in the Navy's budget to move us long distances, and we'd already done the East Coast, so we wanted to stay out west for a while.  We certainly didn't want Bangor or Bremerton or Everett or any of those places with winter.

When it came time to discuss our next set of orders, we both got on the phone to our assignment officers.  They knew that they had to try to order us to the same homeport, but we wanted to control the conversation.  Oddly enough, both of our phone calls were nearly identical:

Me/Spouse:  "My spouse thinks that they might be getting orders to San Diego, so I'd like to co-locate there.  Can you do it?"
Assignment Officer:  "Sure, but..."
Us:  "But what?"
AO:  "Well, everyone wants to be stationed in San Diego.  However you guys don't have any kids or pets, so you're really easy to move.  Pearl Harbor is a huge homeport with plenty of jobs for both of you.  Any chance you guys could consider being stationed there?"

When my spouse and I came home that evening we both said "Honey, I had the strangest conversation with BUPERS today..."

We had our Hawaii orders just a few weeks later.  Easiest co-location ever.

I'd be interested in how you'd "shop around".  I am about to retire from a 21 year military career.  I'll have some sources of residual income and I have my retirement (equal to about 500k at 4%) plus my investments...so I'm going to be FI once I retire.  But I'm not really planning on "stopping"...I'm going to keep looking for ways to make money...just not by getting a 9-5 job. My point is that we aren't positive of where we are going to live.  We have an outstanding opportunity as the military will pay for us to move anywhere in the US. But where?  No need to jump into a job...so I like the idea of shopping...but how do you do that without either buying a RV to live in (no way) or spend a bunch of money on hotels?  Or are you talking about just taking a bunch of trips from a central location?

If I recall correctly, you can defer that final household goods move for at least 12 months-- although you may have to file a request.

I know you're not interested in an RV, but these two bloggers made it work for them:
http://moaablogs.org/wahlfamily/about-the-wahl-family-blog/
http://www.caniretireyet.com/moving-west-part-1/
Perhaps they've done the groundwork for you.  Instead of traveling in your own Class A or minivan, you could browse their posts about various locations and see what strikes your own fancy.

Maybe one or two of your duty stations really hit a chord with their location & climate.  (That's how my spouse and I picked Oahu.)  Maybe proximity to family is important to you.  (That's why my spouse and I chose to live thousands of miles away from ours.)  Maybe you can browse the lists of "best retirement places" or "best locations for living" to see if you have an "Aha!" moment.

But the very best way to do it is to try to live at least a month or two in each of your chosen idylls, hopefully when they're at their worst. 

I also know many financially independent retirees who split their time among two locations (either renting or owning) and who simply decide to move every 5-10 years. 

[MaxRules]

Update to this adventure in the making!
I made my first trip to Maryville, Tennessee on April 5. I stayed for a few days and checked out the whole area. It's a nice place. Two things I noticed, one it will be very hard to find just the right location, and two, just being there with no place to live is expensive and/or difficult. I've been looking for a house here in Missouri to buy cheap and fix up. That's been a losing battle so I can only image how difficult it will be in a location 500 miles from here. I guess if it's meant to be I'll find a way to make it work.

I didn't find any place that really felt like what I was looking for. Much of it looked the same as here and the place was covered in Car Clowns driving in circles. The houses all felt secluded just like here, were you live on a deserted island and then have to drive your car a few miles to town (very narrow roads, no biking) and fight traffic. I need to check out more areas but I'm thinking an RV will be required. That will allow me to stay for a few weeks much cheaper and easier than a hotel.

I'm not sure what the next step is but at least the first step was taken. That was the beginning of my two week vacation traveling around visiting friends and family in Florida and Mississippi. It was a good time off 'work' but I didn't come back any more excited about my current way of living. I guess the adventure of getting rich by moving to a better place will continue on!

[bleumanchu]

Ok, this is my first post, and I haven't formally introduced myself to the crowd (coming soon), but I just had to jump in and say Maryville, TN is a fantastic place!  My wife grew-up there, in-laws still live there, and as a result of some hard thinking (all thanks to this site and the wonderful community here), we're contemplating a (currently very hush-hush) relocation there within the next year or so.  While I agree that going full on car-less there would be very tough, we've scouted a few areas that *might* work for a more Mustachian existence of only occasionally needing to use gas-powered transportation.  PM me if you have any desire to discuss further. 

[Mrs. Frugalwoods]

I say go for it! I've lived in 7 states--ranging from Kansas to New York City and each yielded different experiences. I'm thankful for the diversity it has brought to my life and I don't regret a single move. Each time my husband and I moved, we were able to find better paying jobs and interesting opportunities. If you're feeling uninspired or stagnated in Missouri (where I lived for awhile), then I say move on! You won't know what's out there for you until you take the plunge. Each move brings challenges, but I've found the rewards are always worth it.

Also, if you're interested in a walkable, urban environment, check out the east coast. As midwesterners, my husband and I are enthralled with the walkability, bike-ability and density of New England and have made it our home. We also love the New England ethos of no waste and less pomp & circumstance around material goods (I mean, it's not quite mustachian, but...)

 Life is short, live where you want to. I wish you all the best!