Author Topic: still working  (Read 2330 times)

ninja

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still working
« on: September 12, 2018, 09:01:16 AM »
I know the big goal of FI is to get to where you don't have to work if you don't want to... I'm on the other end: I'm happy that I'm still working - and that's my badassity.

See - according to the VA, when they retired me from the Army, I can't work at all. I'm schizophrenic and have PTSD and a few other diagnosable mental conditions. I struggle everyday to go to work - but I still do with few exceptions where I call in sick due to my condition (so far no days in this job). This is my 4th post-military job... the other three were schizophrenic failures.

I've been at my current job in a government think tank for almost four months now and have started my own business, which is going well. I occurred a lot of debt trying to spend my way healthy - but am working hard now toward paying off those debts. Since starting this job I've paid off one credit card and am halfway through my second with only one to go.

But why do I write this? Because I need an attaboy today. My main schizophrenic voice is going crazy today and I feel terribly depressed - and I'm leaving at lunch today to go home and try and manage it. This will be the first time that I have missed any work since starting this job - and I'm afraid I'm going into an episode. Positive messages right now are much appreciated.

So that's why I'm badass. I don't lay down and give in to my condition - I don't claim social security disability so I don't have to work... I face my days and claim a little victory everyday.

With the rest of my day today I'm going to go home and accomplish things instead of go to bed - I'm going to roast some coffee - update my spreadsheets - maybe write a blog post - go for a walk... see if getting things knocked out makes me feel better and takes this upcoming episode from major to minor so I can go back to work tomorrow and continue marching on to the day when my side business can be my main business.

nurseart

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Re: still working
« Reply #1 on: September 12, 2018, 10:55:29 AM »
Way to go! That is indeed badass.

joonifloofeefloo

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Re: still working
« Reply #2 on: September 12, 2018, 11:09:33 AM »
Atta boy!!!! :)

It's 100% fine and good for a person to receive disability benefits and to spend more time resting and focusing on other wellness factors if that's the best path available to them. These folks, too, are facing their days and claiming victory each day. But if you've determined that employment at a standard gig is the optimal path right now to your well-being then YES, WAY TO GO!!!!

Doctor ideas, including prognoses, are often erroneous. It's great that you know your ability and live it :)))))

I think you're brilliant for deciding to make it a half day, and for doing gentler things for the second half.

And if ever you decide that working a standard job for an out-of-home employer is not the right fit even en route to other plans, and that disability, etc, is, I'll heartily congratulate you on that move, too.

You're a strong, bold, proud person who knows himself, takes care of himself well, and shows up for life every day. Total badassity, yep!

LifePhaseTwo

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Re: still working
« Reply #3 on: September 12, 2018, 11:20:12 AM »
Keep up the good work! It sounds like youíre doing all the right things for you. I sincerely wish you the very best.

zygote

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Re: still working
« Reply #4 on: September 12, 2018, 01:19:50 PM »
Taking care of yourself is indeed badass!

Sending you good wishes that this half day off helps recalibrate you.

moof

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Re: still working
« Reply #5 on: September 12, 2018, 02:13:42 PM »
Way to go.  Slogging through work is hard enough some days WITHOUT such challenges, you are amazing to keeping going despite such strong headwinds.

Keep it up, and cut yourself as much slack as you can.

Jaayse

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Re: still working
« Reply #6 on: September 12, 2018, 06:26:01 PM »
It is perfectly ok to take some time, and you're doing great to be out there working with the challenges you're facing!

My brother has schizophrenia and although he is getting SS, he is out there working as well.  I know it can be extremely challenging, but try not to stress over having to take a bit of personal time.  I know that stress can exacerbate symptoms, so focus on taking care of yourself and treat yourself to something relaxing!

ninja

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Re: still working
« Reply #7 on: September 13, 2018, 06:52:19 AM »
Thanks all - I needed the kind words yesterday - I get to feel like such a slug when I need to take a knee.

Yesterday I did two roasts of beans but didn't have enough to do a third. Packaged that all up for Saturday. Helped my wife get a 100% on an algebra quiz. Watched my kids play a double-header in indoor soccer. It was a good day and it felt to good to get so much done. I still feel like crap today - but I think I'll make it through.

joonifloofeefloo

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Re: still working
« Reply #8 on: September 13, 2018, 07:08:03 AM »
Wonderful that your day came together so beautifully, thanks to your great decisions for effective self-care :)

kei te pai

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Re: still working
« Reply #9 on: September 13, 2018, 05:19:52 PM »
Just a friendly hi! I read lots of posts from people with big incomes - and big spends. But it is people like you that I really like following. You are inspiring. Best wishes.

Captain Cactus

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Re: still working
« Reply #10 on: September 17, 2018, 04:59:49 PM »
Hey Ninja,
Youve got a pretty badass approach to what must be a tough situation.  Keep up the good attitude!

ninja

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Re: still working
« Reply #11 on: September 27, 2018, 12:46:37 PM »
Last few weeks have been a rougher-go. I'm between projects at the moment so I'm pretty underemployed - which leaves me lots of time for my mind to wander. I took the half-day mentioned above - took another full day and took a half-day yesterday. That leaves me with only around 20 hours of leave left. Accumulating only 8 in a month (out of which both vacation and sick leave come).

But I'm still trucking on. The business is starting to slow down with fall coming on (not sure if it's the colder weather or college football keeping people away from the Farmer's Market. But even though there are less people there we still see a good conversion of random passer-bys to paying customers.

Made another couple of good payments at the credit card we are targeting - we now have 21% of the debt paid off that we are targeting before making coffee the full-time gig.

This weekend we have the Farmer's Market followed by a benefit for a local no-kill shelter... I suspect that the benefit, with it's buy-in price, will be an upside-down event... but I like the cause and if we make some new local repeat customers - then it'll be worth it in the long run.

Anyway - I thank you for your guys' support. Support from strangers on a site about achieving your goals is actually pretty motivating!

joonifloofeefloo

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Re: still working
« Reply #12 on: September 27, 2018, 12:58:10 PM »
Support from strangers on a site about achieving your goals is actually pretty motivating!

Isn't that funny?!?! But it really is!! :)

Good going, you. If you start a journal, I'd follow it.

Keep taking good care of yourself.

monkeymind

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Re: still working
« Reply #13 on: September 29, 2018, 06:10:40 AM »
Attaboy, Ninja!  You are a badass!  To me, not just because you're working (though kudos well-deserved for that too), but because you're taking care of yourself, recognizing your needs, and reaching out when you need support. Bravo!

Attaboy, Ninja! Keep on keepin' on. We're all cheering you on from the sidelines!

ninja

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Re: still working
« Reply #14 on: October 18, 2018, 12:42:51 PM »
I just interviewed for a new job... less pay - but more interesting and it would eliminate my 40 minute commute... on nice days I could ride the bike a couple of miles to work. I'm also up for a permanent government job where I currently work as a government contractor - better benefits and more money. I hope I'm offered one but not both... doing the cost/benefit analysis will tear me apart a little bit. Do I take the job that'll give me more time and more enjoyment but at around 30% less - or do I go with the job that'll get me to my financial goals and expanding my small business (the ultimate goal) quicker? Of course my inner monologue - which due to schizophrenia is always on overdrive at best - tells me I'll get neither!

ninja

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Re: still working
« Reply #15 on: October 18, 2018, 01:35:50 PM »
They said it would be a week yesterday... but just got the call - second interview next week!

Assetup

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Re: still working
« Reply #16 on: October 18, 2018, 02:51:43 PM »
Congratulations Ninja! Keep us posted

Sent from my Moto G (4) using Tapatalk


Fig

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Re: still working
« Reply #17 on: October 18, 2018, 03:41:56 PM »
Good luck Ninja!

Romag

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Re: still working
« Reply #18 on: October 18, 2018, 04:39:58 PM »
Ninja,
I'm a fellow Army retiree. Thanks for your service. I'm inspired by your story. Keep it going!

mm1970

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Re: still working
« Reply #19 on: October 18, 2018, 05:21:14 PM »
this is really inspiring

IndyPendent

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Re: still working
« Reply #20 on: October 21, 2018, 04:47:07 AM »
Keep moving forward! You can do it!

Freedomin5

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Re: still working
« Reply #21 on: October 21, 2018, 06:39:30 AM »
Good work on your recovery journey!

If your voice(s) do get louder and more out of hand, usually due to increased environmental stressors, please check in with your therapist or psychiatrist. You donít have to do this alone and they may be able to give you other ideas to manage the voices.

Gone_Hiking

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Re: still working
« Reply #22 on: October 21, 2018, 09:45:29 AM »
Badass, indeed.  I'm in awe. 

lhamo

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Re: still working
« Reply #23 on: October 21, 2018, 10:56:39 AM »
Sounds like the job with the shorter commute/shorter demand on your time would give you more room for expanding the business while not being overly stressed.  Either way, good luck!  Appreciate your service and your openness about your challenges.

ninja

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Re: still working
« Reply #24 on: October 30, 2018, 07:14:21 AM »
I had my second interview on Friday afternoon and received and accepted an offer Monday morning! It's a slightly lower pay... but it's a raise when I consider the cost of commuting I'm saving. Thanks for all of the support on MMM you guys have given me. It means a lot.

ALSO - we found a location for our commercial kitchen and eventual coffee shop - we're moving in to roast and have limited hours (like one day a week until my wife finishes college in May) in January or February!

It's been a good couple of weeks. But to be honest - good news can be just as triggering for me as bad news - so I'm really on edge with the schizo stuff right now. But I've been through episodes successfully before. Hoping that I can stay level enough to keep it classy on my exit from my current job.