Frugal Weddings

[Snow White]

I'd like to hear stories of yours or others frugal weddings.  The cost of weddings and the expectations that go along with it has gotten out of control.

My wedding story is boring (but frugal!) in that hubby and I told no one about our plans and went to the justice of the peace.  We both wore our work clothes and then went to a beautiful park and said our handwritten vows to each other. We went out to a nice lunch and went home in time to make dinner. ;)

More recently I attended a wedding at the home of a couple who invited us all to dress casually in jeans or shorts.  They set up bales of hay in a semi-circle around a western style stage while a pit master BBQ'd food for the guests off to the side.  The entire wedding had  a "country and western" theme but it was fun and it fit the couple perfectly.  You knew this was what they wanted and was not some tired version of an "appropriate" wedding.  The groom even cried as he said his vows...it was lovely and touching.

[Denarius]

Our wedding cost about $3500 (not including rings or honeymoon). We were married at an apple orchard. We had around 20 people, mostly immediate family. The ceremony was very intimate. Wife did the flowers and decorations herself. Everything turned out lovely and we would do it the same way if we had to again.

[sugarsnap]

We had about 20 people on the backyard, which was decorated by all the lovely plants in bloom. I bought a dress although I would get a cheaper one or rent if I were to do it over. Husband wore his own suit and we each had a friend stand with us wearing whatever they saw fit. 

The only thing I would have spent more on was photography. This was before digital and none of our guests had a nice camera.

[Greg]

We had a fairly large wedding, but a potluck reception.  All in one place.  We provided venue (college garden research area) and wine beverages, and dishes and DJ.  Our friends really pulled out all the stops and made great food.

[vern]

We had a small ceremony at a park as well.  No permission at all, we just showed up and did it.  It was beautiful and free!

[Mrs. PoP]

We got married on vacation in Mexico - spent $235 total. 
- $35 for white dress
- $150 for catamaran owner to take us out in the water and marry us, then go for some snorkeling and a sunset cruise.  At the last minute, his wife and two little kids came along so we had a built in photographer and two tiny witnesses.   
- $50 for a really nice meal out that night, including tipping the pianist who was playing the piano alongside silent films. 

Best wedding ever. 

[MandalayVA]

Our wedding and honeymoon cost about $3000 all together.  We got married in a little mountain resort town where there's a ton of chapels that offered packages.  We paid about $600 for a package that included photography, silk flowers and a cake.  I bought an "informal" wedding gown (seemed pretty damn formal to me) for $325, my husband rented a tux.  We found my maid of honor's gown at Goodwill for seven bucks.  We had about twenty people come, and we had a luncheon reception, sandwiches and salads, no booze.  The day after the wedding, we and the guests still there went to a local amusement park, and then we spent the week at a gorgeous little country inn.  It's been sixteen years and people still talk about how fun our wedding was. 

[Jessa]

Anyone with large weddings find a way to do it frugally?

My off the top of my head list of family that I expect to come is 48, with 20 more invitees that may not make it due to distance. I know I'm forgetting a few, and that's not including any friends. I figure it'll be 80-100. I really want the people I love to be there for my wedding, but it seems like the only way to do a wedding frugally is to keep it very small and cut everyone out.

[Jessa]

We had a fairly large wedding, but a potluck reception.  All in one place.  We provided venue (college garden research area) and wine beverages, and dishes and DJ.  Our friends really pulled out all the stops and made great food.

How did you find your venue?

[brycedoula]

I'd recommend looking at "alternative" wedding venues if you're looking to keep costs down. My husband & I were just married (September 7th!) and we opted to have both our ceremony & reception @ the same place, which was a local restaurant.
-As our ceremony & reception were at the same place, we didn't have to worry about shuttling wedding party/guests in between locations (via a limo or other over-priced modes of transpo).
-We had a small ceremony & dinner (44 guests, including ourselves), so we were able to book a private dining room (instead of paying for a massive hotel ballroom that would be half-empty anyway).
-The restaurant was licensed, so although we paid $5-7 for every drink we didn't have to pay an "extra" corkage fee of $x.xx/person. Nor did we have to worry about buying a liquor license & buying all the alcohol upfront ourselves (or returning it all the next day). A corkage fee is pretty common when looking at traditional wedding venues, at least in Canada.
-A co-worker of mine (and her mum) do flowers as a side-gig so I hired them. Instead of going to a local flower shop & getting fleeced for flowers, we ended up with absolutely STUNNING flowers (bouquets, boutinnieres, corsages, centrepieces) for just over cost. This was important to me & my mum to have, but neither of us have the knack for stuff like flower arranging, nor the time/inclanation to learn.

[lifejoy]

We found a restaurant that could host max. 45 people and wouldn't charge a venue fee. For food (AMAZING food), open bar, officiant, and random expenses, we spent about $6000. We said no to everything we didn't need/want: no flowers (except my gramma sent us some), no hair or makeup appointments, no band, no dj, no photographer (just 5 disposable cameras), no nothin'! Just our love :)

It was so so great!!

[lifejoy]

We had a fairly large wedding, but a potluck reception.  All in one place.  We provided venue (college garden research area) and wine beverages, and dishes and DJ.  Our friends really pulled out all the stops and made great food.

How did you find your venue?

Definitely look outside the box. I ended up searching "wedding venue cafe" because anything larger was just $$$! Check forums on weddingbee, or ask there for ideas specific to your location.

[lifejoy]

Www.apracticalwedding.com and www.2000dollarwedding.com are good spots

[starburst]

We got away with doing a small NYC wedding for 25 for $4.5K.  We married in Central Park (Conservatory Garden) and had a lunch reception at a local restaurant on the Upper East Side.  They gave us the second floor without a fee.  Our photographer was a professional photographer in a non-wedding line of work who wanted to get into the business, so he charged us a pittance.  My dress came from David's Bridal, my veil, crinoline, and shoes were from eBay, and I sold everything the next few weeks on eBay, basically as if I had rented everything. On top of what I've already mentioned, the total amount also included dress alterations, the rings, hubby's tux rental, the Unitarian minister fee, the Central Park fee, wedding favors, wedding invites, centerpieces, the bouquets for my maid of honor and myself, and unlimited alcohol during lunch! 

[MikeBear]

Anyone with large weddings find a way to do it frugally?

My off the top of my head list of family that I expect to come is 48, with 20 more invitees that may not make it due to distance. I know I'm forgetting a few, and that's not including any friends. I figure it'll be 80-100. I really want the people I love to be there for my wedding, but it seems like the only way to do a wedding frugally is to keep it very small and cut everyone out.

Don't have alcohol, and announce that in your invitations. That'll get rid of at least 1/2 of your guests, lol.

It worked for us, lol.

[Jessa]

That would get rid of 2/3 of my family! My uncles would disown me.

The two things I am willing to really spend money on are open bar and a photographer. My concern is that for a large party, I'm restricted to the kind of venue that are expensive/require expensive in house catering.

That being said, we're not even engaged yet, so I have some time to work on this.

[Snow White]

We got married on vacation in Mexico - spent $235 total. 
- $35 for white dress
- $150 for catamaran owner to take us out in the water and marry us, then go for some snorkeling and a sunset cruise.  At the last minute, his wife and two little kids came along so we had a built in photographer and two tiny witnesses.   
- $50 for a really nice meal out that night, including tipping the pianist who was playing the piano alongside silent films. 

Best wedding ever.

I think DOES sound pretty much like the best wedding ever!

[yandz]

We weren't the cheapest for sure, but I think better than "average" and it was exactly what we wanted - all the things and people that were important to us in celebrating such a special thing (I didn't want to feel like I glossed over it and like to find reasons in life to celebrate - this is a good one) and none of the things that weren't. I feel like we "went all out" but also prioritized well and spent money where it counted for us. It felt extravagant and celebratory and intimate. And it involved bacon, which I think is important.

Saturday brunch wedding held at a (super yummy, local, organic type) restaurant downtown on the river - food is my life.  I got ready at home with just one of my sisters. We greeted our 50ish guests as they arrived. Mimosas, bloody marys, and lattes were served to all during a bit of a pre-reception.  Once everyone was there, I (gracefully) yelled something like "Ok, we are going to get married now!"  A good friend married us.  Then we all ate and drank to our hearts' content - the food was amazing. Lots of hugs and talking later, people left. It was lovely.

Things we opted out of: Pro hair and makeup, dancing/djs, flowers, wedding party, programs, favors, gifts, really anything that wasn't listed above or below, and most of all stress.  We planned in 3 months, and frankly that was too much time. The most stressful part of the day was rocking a my car out of a snow bank it got stuck on in my wedding dress.  Hilarious.

Total: $4350 + some miles
Budget breakdown:
Frequent Flyer miles to fly a friend out to officiate for us. This is also where her family is. We didn't pay her other than "a free trip home."
$500 We paid another photographer friend a discounted rate for limited photography (we wanted quality, but didn't need every second documented).
$3100 Lots of high quality food and drinks for everyone including tax and generous tip.
$600 Fancy dress, New Suit, shoes
$75 Green plants for table. We got married in the frozen north in February and the venue was all exposed brick and wood - I wanted something to look a little alive
$75 Invitation design, paper and print costs, and postage

[Seppie]

We spent around 6000 for wedding, rings, and honeymoon. We had about 120 guests and the celebration spanned an entire weekend.

Rings - Craigslist for the diamond, rings designed and made by a friend of a friend

"Rehearsal" dinner (everyone was invited) - potluck barbecue and kickball game

Wedding morning scavenger hunt - this was the most expensive part. We paid a professional $600 or $700 to organize and run it. Probably 50 people showed up and we ran around town on teams, hunting for hidden clues. It incorporated the place we had our first date, the place we wrote our vows, the place we got our rings, and ended at a restaurant where people had the option to stay and have lunch.

Photos - My photographer friend gave us a huge discount on her wedding package, so we paid $500. Photos were really important to me and I would have paid more if I had to.

Venue - church yard in the country, framed by their gazebo

Officiant - my mom's neighbor, who was the minister at the church

Alcohol - sangria

Food - dessert (5 options, catered by a friend of a friend who borrowed a restaurant kitchen) $500

Servers - two college kids who I used to babysit. We paid them something like $100 apiece

Dress - borrowed

Decorations - huge paper flowers made at my "shower" + mason jar candles that my friends, relatives and I scrounged + thrift store Christmas lights (which now decorate our back deck)

Chairs and wine glasses - rented

Water glasses, plates and silverware- dollar store

Cloth napkins - made of thrift store sheets

Flowers - from a local CSA

Music - ipod playlist that we spent HOURS on, a friend ran the sound system

Post-wedding poker game and brunch - $10 buy-in, leftovers from the night before, plus whatever people brought to share

Honeymoon - guest house that we found on Craigslist in Venice beach. Tickets to CA were pretty cheap. We used the kitchenette there for most of our meals, and the owners of the guesthouse lent us bikes to ride around on the beach. They also gave us wine, and drank it with us by the fire on their amazing patio. So fun!