Extended wife's leave of absence

[FLBiker]

So this doesn't really count as badass, because the "negotiation" was so painless, but I wanted to share it.

My wife is currently on an unpaid leave of absence following our DD's birth.  DD was born in April 2015, DW has summers off (9-month faculty) and got a paid semester for fall 2015.  Starting in Jan 2015, she's on an unpaid leave of absence.  Her original return was scheduled for Jan 2017, but I asked yesterday (we're in the same dept) if we could push it back to Aug 2017.  Boss said no problem.

The sort of badass part is what came next.  After giving quick approval, he expressed surprise in my request.

"Don't you need the money?" (he makes more than double what I do).
"No."
"You can live on 75 thousand a year?!?" (my salary [I'm 12 mos admin], wife earns 40 for 9 mos.)
"We can live on 40." (actual annual spending is ~35)
"What?!?"  he thought for a few moments.  "Do you have two cars?" (I bike to work, hence the question.)
"Yes, but one is a 1999 Ford Explorer Sport that doesn't get driven much.  And our mortgage is $800." (actually, more like $750).
He thought about this.
"And we don't have cable."
"What?!?  Do you have rabbit ears?"
"Yes.  And a laptop."  In truth, though, since DD was born, we watch virtually nothing.

We talked more about some of the differences, and it was funny to me how surprising he found it all.  It's so interesting when you realize that what you consider normal is very abnormal.  I've been living this way (well below my means) since I graduated college (1998) and I forget that not everyone does it.  Not only can we easy live on my salary, but we've been able to continue maxing out both my 403b and my 457 (36K), without changing our lifestyle.  If anything, we've gotten a bit spendier, w/ child stuff and paying for more stuff to be done around the house (did more DIY pre-DD).

I really see the contrast w/ coworkers having kids, too.  Some do what we did, taking a year or two off.  Most, though, are back in 12 weeks, and don't even seem to recognize than any other way (ie living unpaid for a while) is possible.

[JoRocka]

I feel like discussing your personal living situation and how you live on how much money is incredibly awkward and uncomfortable and makes me wonder why he would be inclined to bring your wife back if clearly you don't need it.

congrats on the living situation and the little one- but I'd seriously be careful about boasting about what you are capable of living on.

dangerous ground.

[lifejoy]

I think JoRocka speaks good sense but also... awesome job! Way to go! That's so great that you have options thanks to your saving and low-spending :)

[Hedge_87]

great job! we are in a similar situation. We have a three month old and opted for the maximum maternity leave for my wife. she is also a teacher and was able to stay home all but the last four days of school (which we were able to cover with grandparents) even though she had to take a couple weeks without pay. now she won't have to go back to work until August. This will keep or little man out of daycare until he is almost 6 months old. I know its not a big deal since he will eventually be going to daycare but I will feel a lot better about him being 6 months old vs. 3 months (he is just so tiny lol).

[FLBiker]

I feel like discussing your personal living situation and how you live on how much money is incredibly awkward and uncomfortable and makes me wonder why he would be inclined to bring your wife back if clearly you don't need it.

congrats on the living situation and the little one- but I'd seriously be careful about boasting about what you are capable of living on.

dangerous ground.

Leaving aside the specifics of my situation (my wife isn't being "brought back" - she's on an unpaid leave of a specific length from a union faculty position) I'm confused by these comments.  Why would whether we need the money or not be an issue?  The reason she (or anyone else, presumably) would be brought back would be because she's good at her job.  Based on your comment, it seems like how much someone needs the money is a factor in whether or not someone gets a job.  That has never been my experience (but maybe I'm misunderstanding your point).

And I agree that talking about financial stuff can make some people uncomfortable, but if someone is interested I don't mind talking about it.  I think part of the reason that so many people unquestioningly follow the consumer capitalist model is because we don't talk about alternatives.  He was asking questions and there was no "my way is better" angle in the conversation.  He just found my answers strange and surprising and was legitimately curious.

Regardless, do you really feel like it's "dangerous" to tell your boss that you don't spend your full salary?  Why would he care?

[pbkmaine]

And here I was wondering what an "extended wife" was.

[JoRocka]

I feel like discussing your personal living situation and how you live on how much money is incredibly awkward and uncomfortable and makes me wonder why he would be inclined to bring your wife back if clearly you don't need it.

congrats on the living situation and the little one- but I'd seriously be careful about boasting about what you are capable of living on.

dangerous ground.

Leaving aside the specifics of my situation (my wife isn't being "brought back" - she's on an unpaid leave of a specific length from a union faculty position) I'm confused by these comments.  Why would whether we need the money or not be an issue?  The reason she (or anyone else, presumably) would be brought back would be because she's good at her job.  Based on your comment, it seems like how much someone needs the money is a factor in whether or not someone gets a job.  That has never been my experience (but maybe I'm misunderstanding your point).

And I agree that talking about financial stuff can make some people uncomfortable, but if someone is interested I don't mind talking about it.  I think part of the reason that so many people unquestioningly follow the consumer capitalist model is because we don't talk about alternatives.  He was asking questions and there was no "my way is better" angle in the conversation.  He just found my answers strange and surprising and was legitimately curious.

Regardless, do you really feel like it's "dangerous" to tell your boss that you don't spend your full salary?  Why would he care?

I grew up in a house that doesn't discuss money- it's uncouth and furthermore is tipping your hand to sensitive information.  I also never trust a company/boss- and assume that at no point are they looking out for my best interest.

Discussing the fact that half my house doesn't need the money in my mind translates to "I can hire someone else who needs it more" and if at some point you want to negotiate a raise you're absolutely not going to get it.   

Shrug- obviously you are free to do as you like- but it seems like a bad move to discuss the fact you don't really need the money. IF someone else who is more qualified comes along- he can make up an excuse to bring her back then fire her.

just seems like a bad strategic move to show your hand- but- my father is a Marine- and his father was a spy. So- trust no one- especially with your money or your financial status- always have the upper hand- the more information you give out- the less of an advantage you have its' how I was raised and I definitely wouldn't' be caught dead having that conversation LOL

[Cassie]

It's a union position so she is safe.

[Psychstache]

I feel like discussing your personal living situation and how you live on how much money is incredibly awkward and uncomfortable and makes me wonder why he would be inclined to bring your wife back if clearly you don't need it.

congrats on the living situation and the little one- but I'd seriously be careful about boasting about what you are capable of living on.

dangerous ground.

Leaving aside the specifics of my situation (my wife isn't being "brought back" - she's on an unpaid leave of a specific length from a union faculty position) I'm confused by these comments.  Why would whether we need the money or not be an issue?  The reason she (or anyone else, presumably) would be brought back would be because she's good at her job.  Based on your comment, it seems like how much someone needs the money is a factor in whether or not someone gets a job.  That has never been my experience (but maybe I'm misunderstanding your point).

And I agree that talking about financial stuff can make some people uncomfortable, but if someone is interested I don't mind talking about it.  I think part of the reason that so many people unquestioningly follow the consumer capitalist model is because we don't talk about alternatives.  He was asking questions and there was no "my way is better" angle in the conversation.  He just found my answers strange and surprising and was legitimately curious.

Regardless, do you really feel like it's "dangerous" to tell your boss that you don't spend your full salary?  Why would he care?

There have been stories of bosses determining raises based on need, so I don't think is a stretch for people to be concerned about oversharing.knowing that,  I could see a boss faced with a having to downsize a staff member and thinking "well, so-and-so told me they live off their spouses income, so they can afford being laid off." It's insane, but not impossible.

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[FLBiker]

I feel like discussing your personal living situation and how you live on how much money is incredibly awkward and uncomfortable and makes me wonder why he would be inclined to bring your wife back if clearly you don't need it.

congrats on the living situation and the little one- but I'd seriously be careful about boasting about what you are capable of living on.

dangerous ground.

Leaving aside the specifics of my situation (my wife isn't being "brought back" - she's on an unpaid leave of a specific length from a union faculty position) I'm confused by these comments.  Why would whether we need the money or not be an issue?  The reason she (or anyone else, presumably) would be brought back would be because she's good at her job.  Based on your comment, it seems like how much someone needs the money is a factor in whether or not someone gets a job.  That has never been my experience (but maybe I'm misunderstanding your point).

And I agree that talking about financial stuff can make some people uncomfortable, but if someone is interested I don't mind talking about it.  I think part of the reason that so many people unquestioningly follow the consumer capitalist model is because we don't talk about alternatives.  He was asking questions and there was no "my way is better" angle in the conversation.  He just found my answers strange and surprising and was legitimately curious.

Regardless, do you really feel like it's "dangerous" to tell your boss that you don't spend your full salary?  Why would he care?

I grew up in a house that doesn't discuss money- it's uncouth and furthermore is tipping your hand to sensitive information.  I also never trust a company/boss- and assume that at no point are they looking out for my best interest.

Discussing the fact that half my house doesn't need the money in my mind translates to "I can hire someone else who needs it more" and if at some point you want to negotiate a raise you're absolutely not going to get it.   

Shrug- obviously you are free to do as you like- but it seems like a bad move to discuss the fact you don't really need the money. IF someone else who is more qualified comes along- he can make up an excuse to bring her back then fire her.

just seems like a bad strategic move to show your hand- but- my father is a Marine- and his father was a spy. So- trust no one- especially with your money or your financial status- always have the upper hand- the more information you give out- the less of an advantage you have its' how I was raised and I definitely wouldn't' be caught dead having that conversation LOL

Interesting.  I've taken almost the complete opposite approach.  For example, the boss who hired me here (not my current boss) knew I was extremely frugal.  She actually drove me to thrift stores during my first couple of weeks here to get furniture because I didn't have a car (just a bike).  And I've had no trouble getting promotions / raises.  I've been here 8 years, 2 bosses, probably 6 titles.  Started at $38K, now at $75K.  In my field, that's good.  And, it's looking like I'm going to have a new boss again come January.  We'll see. :)

And here I was wondering what an "extended wife" was.

Ha! :)

[forummm]

And here I was wondering what an "extended wife" was.

Me too. I'm familiar with an "overextended wife". This one was new to me.

[JoRocka]

I feel like discussing your personal living situation and how you live on how much money is incredibly awkward and uncomfortable and makes me wonder why he would be inclined to bring your wife back if clearly you don't need it.

congrats on the living situation and the little one- but I'd seriously be careful about boasting about what you are capable of living on.

dangerous ground.

Leaving aside the specifics of my situation (my wife isn't being "brought back" - she's on an unpaid leave of a specific length from a union faculty position) I'm confused by these comments.  Why would whether we need the money or not be an issue?  The reason she (or anyone else, presumably) would be brought back would be because she's good at her job.  Based on your comment, it seems like how much someone needs the money is a factor in whether or not someone gets a job.  That has never been my experience (but maybe I'm misunderstanding your point).

And I agree that talking about financial stuff can make some people uncomfortable, but if someone is interested I don't mind talking about it.  I think part of the reason that so many people unquestioningly follow the consumer capitalist model is because we don't talk about alternatives.  He was asking questions and there was no "my way is better" angle in the conversation.  He just found my answers strange and surprising and was legitimately curious.

Regardless, do you really feel like it's "dangerous" to tell your boss that you don't spend your full salary?  Why would he care?

I grew up in a house that doesn't discuss money- it's uncouth and furthermore is tipping your hand to sensitive information.  I also never trust a company/boss- and assume that at no point are they looking out for my best interest.

Discussing the fact that half my house doesn't need the money in my mind translates to "I can hire someone else who needs it more" and if at some point you want to negotiate a raise you're absolutely not going to get it.   

Shrug- obviously you are free to do as you like- but it seems like a bad move to discuss the fact you don't really need the money. IF someone else who is more qualified comes along- he can make up an excuse to bring her back then fire her.

just seems like a bad strategic move to show your hand- but- my father is a Marine- and his father was a spy. So- trust no one- especially with your money or your financial status- always have the upper hand- the more information you give out- the less of an advantage you have its' how I was raised and I definitely wouldn't' be caught dead having that conversation LOL

Interesting.  I've taken almost the complete opposite approach.  For example, the boss who hired me here (not my current boss) knew I was extremely frugal.  She actually drove me to thrift stores during my first couple of weeks here to get furniture because I didn't have a car (just a bike).  And I've had no trouble getting promotions / raises.  I've been here 8 years, 2 bosses, probably 6 titles.  Started at $38K, now at $75K.  In my field, that's good.  And, it's looking like I'm going to have a new boss again come January.  We'll see. :)

And here I was wondering what an "extended wife" was.

Ha! :)

Man I'm glad that's worked out for you.  I really had some bad experiences with my company knowing what I did with my time and money.  left a super sour taste in my mouth.

[Inaya]

Man I'm glad that's worked out for you.  I really had some bad experiences with my company knowing what I did with my time and money.  left a super sour taste in my mouth.

If somebody laid me off on the basis of "she doesn't need the money," rather than keeping me based on my own merits, I don't think I'd want to work there anyway. And frankly, if I truly didn't need the money in the first place, being laid off wouldn't really be an issue. That's the beauty of frugality and FU money.

[FLBiker]

Man I'm glad that's worked out for you.  I really had some bad experiences with my company knowing what I did with my time and money.  left a super sour taste in my mouth.

If somebody laid me off on the basis of "she doesn't need the money," rather than keeping me based on my own merits, I don't think I'd want to work there anyway. And frankly, if I truly didn't need the money in the first place, being laid off wouldn't really be an issue. That's the beauty of frugality and FU money.

Yeah, that's basically how I feel.  We're not FIRE yet, but we've got enough money (and a frugal enough lifestyle) not to put up with lousy bosses.

[JoRocka]

Man I'm glad that's worked out for you.  I really had some bad experiences with my company knowing what I did with my time and money.  left a super sour taste in my mouth.

If somebody laid me off on the basis of "she doesn't need the money," rather than keeping me based on my own merits, I don't think I'd want to work there anyway. And frankly, if I truly didn't need the money in the first place, being laid off wouldn't really be an issue. That's the beauty of frugality and FU money.

Yeah, that's basically how I feel.  We're not FIRE yet, but we've got enough money (and a frugal enough lifestyle) not to put up with lousy bosses.

Yeah I definitely wasn't at that point in my life.  It was miserable.

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