Author Topic: Help Me... A Deranged Eccentric  (Read 3134 times)

Log

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Re: Help Me... A Deranged Eccentric
« Reply #50 on: February 29, 2024, 11:21:02 AM »
Okay I lied, I just read some more context and want to say: yes 100% another summer on the boat sounds like the right move for you right now.

Building a tiny house while working 10-12 hour days sounds ridiculous to me. Committing to buying property and building a house with so many variables in your life (long distance SO, job relocation) also sounds insane.

If youíre going to change anything about your housing situation, you should be looking to rent, not buy. Maybe building your dream tiny house can be a retirement project. With 10-12 work days, Iíd advise optimizing for a short commute.

spartana

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Re: Help Me... A Deranged Eccentric
« Reply #51 on: February 29, 2024, 11:23:12 AM »
https://www.the-sun.com/money/10524149/homeowners-offered-free-money-build-tiny-home-new-plan/

Buy a single family and add an ADU. Live in the ADU and rent the single family.

Gotta figure out what 10 towns. Very unlikely anything near me.
I was going to suggest that but it sounded like you prefer a more remote location with a bit of space between you and your "neighbor". Here in Calif there is a $40k ADU credit allowance to pay for plans etc but it can't be used to build an ADU. There's also tax incentives to provide housing for lower income people and this vs like that. So for those already owning homes and wanting to have rental income it can be a sweet deal.

Before I recently sold and moved I lived in a urban-ish/suburban-ish area that has become ADU hell (sorry @Log). Most of the older small 1950s original houses like mine were on larger lots of around 8000 SF and each home was allowed to build 2 ADUs - a smaller Jr ADU less than 800 SF and a 2 bedroom 2 bath one under 1200 SF. Plus many of the older houses were torn down and replaced by giant 2 story behemoths that stretched lot to lot and used for room rentals or airbnb room rentals. So it became very crowded. Probably not the place of your dreams if you want rural.

Personally, if I could walk to my job from my boat I'd stay there until I needed to move. Or if tired of that rent a shared apt or room since you're in a long distance relationship and don't plan to live together until martried it makes the most sense.

Haha no offense taken. I understand packing a lot more residents into a car-dependent place causes problems. I think in the emergency situation California got itself into, the costs are worth the benefits. Hopefully the places that have less acute housing shortages have time to plan smarter growth around better transportation systems. (Example: I am excited about Portlandís future).

Now Iíll step out - rural living and R values and thermal mass are not my zones of interest ✌🏻

Best of luck coming to a satisfactory decision, jeepy!
My personal ideal would be a tiny apt inn the heart of a small walkable/bikeable/public transit easily available city (think 50k to 100k population) so rural isn't my thing either.  Not that I live like that (live in a small ski town in a small house on a small lot) but it's the dream!

beekayworld

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Re: Help Me... A Deranged Eccentric
« Reply #52 on: March 01, 2024, 02:16:29 PM »

And yes it is temporary. I took a call with a recruiter yesterday. One of the few options for me that I would consider. 20-40% pay bump and moving to South Carolina.

So you're open to relocating.  If you buy anything (land to build on, or an already-built house), it will be more difficult to relocate. You would be tying yourself to your locale and be dependent on the market to make a move without losing money.

You had mentioned having two children's bedrooms in the basement. Children begin as babies and toddlers and few parents want to trust the baby monitor to let them know when a baby is in distress.  They prefer to have young children in the same room or right next to the parents' bedroom.

There's also concern about fires. Is the basement exit one young children can navigate?

So it would be years before your kids could both be in downstairs bedrooms.  Maybe when the youngest one is 4, 5, 6? How far apart are the kids going to be, 2 or 3 years? Then you can't utilize both basement bedrooms for 6-9 years after the first is born, in addition to the first months/years of your marriage when you don't have the kids yet/are trying to conceive/pregnant.

fpjeepy

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Re: Help Me... A Deranged Eccentric
« Reply #53 on: March 05, 2024, 07:39:21 AM »
Okay I lied, I just read some more context and want to say: yes 100% another summer on the boat sounds like the right move for you right now.

Building a tiny house while working 10-12 hour days sounds ridiculous to me. Committing to buying property and building a house with so many variables in your life (long distance SO, job relocation) also sounds insane.

If youíre going to change anything about your housing situation, you should be looking to rent, not buy. Maybe building your dream tiny house can be a retirement project. With 10-12 work days, Iíd advise optimizing for a short commute.

I work 4x10hrs for work. So I have most Fridays off. We have a 30-45 min unpaid lunch and I usually stay a few minutes late because I'm usually trying to finish up things that I wanted to get done but haven't yet. I don't think spending 2 days a week building a tiny house is ideal, but I don't think it is impossible. I usually work on side projects/ side hustles most weekends anyways.

I get a lot of joy out of building things. I don't really want to wait 30+ years to be able to enjoy that. For now I have to finish the van buildout and some other projects. So I don't mind tabling it for a few years.



You had mentioned having two children's bedrooms in the basement. Children begin as babies and toddlers and few parents want to trust the baby monitor to let them know when a baby is in distress.  They prefer to have young children in the same room or right next to the parents' bedroom.

There's also concern about fires. Is the basement exit one young children can navigate?

So it would be years before your kids could both be in downstairs bedrooms.  Maybe when the youngest one is 4, 5, 6? How far apart are the kids going to be, 2 or 3 years? Then you can't utilize both basement bedrooms for 6-9 years after the first is born, in addition to the first months/years of your marriage when you don't have the kids yet/are trying to conceive/pregnant.

The basement would be unfinished. It would likely be a workshop until I needed the space for something else. There are lots of possible arrangements for the children. Older kids could live in the basement when they can access the fire routes. Younger children could be in the loft or on the main floor with the parents on the main floor or in the basement respectively.

There will be compromises that have to be made to live in a tiny house like this, but literally, billions of people have gotten by with less.

ChpBstrd

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Re: Help Me... A Deranged Eccentric
« Reply #54 on: March 05, 2024, 09:12:16 AM »
For context, I once bought a house for $4,300 and rehabbed it working one day a week.

It took me 5 years.

sonofsven

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Re: Help Me... A Deranged Eccentric
« Reply #55 on: March 05, 2024, 09:24:00 AM »
For context, I once bought a house for $4,300 and rehabbed it working one day a week.

It took me 5 years.
Ha, I've been working on my own house for 18 years and it's still not done.
I find I prefer to be paid for working on houses

Villanelle

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Re: Help Me... A Deranged Eccentric
« Reply #56 on: March 05, 2024, 11:06:25 AM »
Okay I lied, I just read some more context and want to say: yes 100% another summer on the boat sounds like the right move for you right now.

Building a tiny house while working 10-12 hour days sounds ridiculous to me. Committing to buying property and building a house with so many variables in your life (long distance SO, job relocation) also sounds insane.

If youíre going to change anything about your housing situation, you should be looking to rent, not buy. Maybe building your dream tiny house can be a retirement project. With 10-12 work days, Iíd advise optimizing for a short commute.

I work 4x10hrs for work. So I have most Fridays off. We have a 30-45 min unpaid lunch and I usually stay a few minutes late because I'm usually trying to finish up things that I wanted to get done but haven't yet. I don't think spending 2 days a week building a tiny house is ideal, but I don't think it is impossible. I usually work on side projects/ side hustles most weekends anyways.

I get a lot of joy out of building things. I don't really want to wait 30+ years to be able to enjoy that. For now I have to finish the van buildout and some other projects. So I don't mind tabling it for a few years.



You had mentioned having two children's bedrooms in the basement. Children begin as babies and toddlers and few parents want to trust the baby monitor to let them know when a baby is in distress.  They prefer to have young children in the same room or right next to the parents' bedroom.

There's also concern about fires. Is the basement exit one young children can navigate?

So it would be years before your kids could both be in downstairs bedrooms.  Maybe when the youngest one is 4, 5, 6? How far apart are the kids going to be, 2 or 3 years? Then you can't utilize both basement bedrooms for 6-9 years after the first is born, in addition to the first months/years of your marriage when you don't have the kids yet/are trying to conceive/pregnant.

The basement would be unfinished. It would likely be a workshop until I needed the space for something else. There are lots of possible arrangements for the children. Older kids could live in the basement when they can access the fire routes. Younger children could be in the loft or on the main floor with the parents on the main floor or in the basement respectively.

There will be compromises that have to be made to live in a tiny house like this, but literally, billions of people have gotten by with less.

I am not a parent so someone who is can correct me.  But having a 3 year old sleeping in a loft seems... dangerous.  Most people don't even want a young child on a different floor.  You in the basement, your 4 year old on the main floor, and some 2am wandering seems less than ideal.  It seems to me like, if you do this, you need to pretty much commit to having the kids sleep on the same floor as you (which in a tiny home means right next to you) until they are at least 5.  Two kids, 2 years apart, means 7 years of no privacy and having 1 or 2 kids basically on top of you.  Sure, billions have gotten by that way, as you point out.   If that sounds great to you, or like an acceptable sacrifice for the dream of an expensive tiny-not-tiny house, great.  But be realistic about it.  And make sure the potential future mother of your children is on board with putting a toddler in a loft, sleeping in a basement with the toddler(s) up next to the front door, or having little bedmates for the better part of a decade. 

Sure, people have gotten by with less.  But it seems you are making plans for your future self as a parent, and they are plans most parents would shudder about.  Yes, we get it--you aren't most people.  But tying yourself in knots to orchestrate something that most people wouldn't want *for good and valid reasons* seems just as not-eccentric as doing what everyone else does simply because everyone else does it.   

fpjeepy

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Re: Help Me... A Deranged Eccentric
« Reply #57 on: March 05, 2024, 01:24:34 PM »
I am not a parent so someone who is can correct me.  But having a 3 year old sleeping in a loft seems... dangerous.  Most people don't even want a young child on a different floor.  You in the basement, your 4 year old on the main floor, and some 2am wandering seems less than ideal.  It seems to me like, if you do this, you need to pretty much commit to having the kids sleep on the same floor as you (which in a tiny home means right next to you) until they are at least 5.  Two kids, 2 years apart, means 7 years of no privacy and having 1 or 2 kids basically on top of you.  Sure, billions have gotten by that way, as you point out.   If that sounds great to you, or like an acceptable sacrifice for the dream of an expensive tiny-not-tiny house, great.  But be realistic about it.  And make sure the potential future mother of your children is on board with putting a toddler in a loft, sleeping in a basement with the toddler(s) up next to the front door, or having little bedmates for the better part of a decade. 

Sure, people have gotten by with less.  But it seems you are making plans for your future self as a parent, and they are plans most parents would shudder about.  Yes, we get it--you aren't most people.  But tying yourself in knots to orchestrate something that most people wouldn't want *for good and valid reasons* seems just as not-eccentric as doing what everyone else does simply because everyone else does it.   

It doesn't seem like it will work for your situation.

By your rules, children can only be raised in a single-story home with the parent's room between them and the front door? What's the difference between a staircase to a second floor and a staircase to a loft? 7 years without privacy? They can't be out of the room at all? Ever? I was gone half the day when I started preschool at 3.5.

I think less than half of Americans grew up according to your standards. I know I didn't. Nor did either of my friends, but I guess we were barely high enough to call lower class.

Villanelle

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Re: Help Me... A Deranged Eccentric
« Reply #58 on: March 05, 2024, 02:13:39 PM »
I am not a parent so someone who is can correct me.  But having a 3 year old sleeping in a loft seems... dangerous.  Most people don't even want a young child on a different floor.  You in the basement, your 4 year old on the main floor, and some 2am wandering seems less than ideal.  It seems to me like, if you do this, you need to pretty much commit to having the kids sleep on the same floor as you (which in a tiny home means right next to you) until they are at least 5.  Two kids, 2 years apart, means 7 years of no privacy and having 1 or 2 kids basically on top of you.  Sure, billions have gotten by that way, as you point out.   If that sounds great to you, or like an acceptable sacrifice for the dream of an expensive tiny-not-tiny house, great.  But be realistic about it.  And make sure the potential future mother of your children is on board with putting a toddler in a loft, sleeping in a basement with the toddler(s) up next to the front door, or having little bedmates for the better part of a decade. 

Sure, people have gotten by with less.  But it seems you are making plans for your future self as a parent, and they are plans most parents would shudder about.  Yes, we get it--you aren't most people.  But tying yourself in knots to orchestrate something that most people wouldn't want *for good and valid reasons* seems just as not-eccentric as doing what everyone else does simply because everyone else does it.   

It doesn't seem like it will work for your situation.

By your rules, children can only be raised in a single-story home with the parent's room between them and the front door? What's the difference between a staircase to a second floor and a staircase to a loft? 7 years without privacy? They can't be out of the room at all? Ever? I was gone half the day when I started preschool at 3.5.

I think less than half of Americans grew up according to your standards. I know I didn't. Nor did either of my friends, but I guess we were barely high enough to call lower class.

The class comment is just strawman bullshit. I didn't mention class.  I didn't think about class.  Frankly, if we are considering class, your flight of fancy to build this house, rather than living in a cheaper rental, seems like much more "upper class privilege" than the other options available to you.  So if anyone here is being a snob, it's not me.  I'm not the one who made a derisive comment about Carnival cruises and Maximas. 

How is it "lower class" to live in a 900 sqft 2 bed home?  Weird that your mind went to class.  Or maybe not weird, since it really seems like this entire desire for a weird tiny but not tiny house is about status, not finances or functionality or sustainability, or anything else you seem to be able to articulate. 

A loft is generally much easier to fall out of.
And no, by "my rules" there are plenty of options other than a 1 story home. 

And you are correct; I didn't mean 7 years without privacy.  I meant 7 years without privacy while sleeping.  I thought it was clear from the context, but I guess not.

Look, you can live however you want, of course. You can sleep however you want and integrate your kids into sleeping arrangements however you want.  You can spend what you and and  everything else. 

I was trying to point out 2 things:  you may not have thought about all the aspects of child-reading in this scenario, and may not have talked about them with your potential co-parent.

And you still seem to be trying to justify this house concept when it really seems less-than-ideal, for many reason. 

But enjoy your tiny not-tiny home on a cranberry bog that you likely won't be able to get a permit for anyway, if that's what you need in your life to feel sufficiently eccentric, I guess? 

fpjeepy

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Re: Help Me... A Deranged Eccentric
« Reply #59 on: March 05, 2024, 02:46:52 PM »
The class comment is just strawman bullshit. I didn't mention class.  I didn't think about class.  Frankly, if we are considering class, your flight of fancy to build this house, rather than living in a cheaper rental, seems like much more "upper class privilege" than the other options available to you.  So if anyone here is being a snob, it's not me.  I'm not the one who made a derisive comment about Carnival cruises and Maximas. 

How is it "lower class" to live in a 900 sqft 2 bed home?  Weird that your mind went to class.  Or maybe not weird, since it really seems like this entire desire for a weird tiny but not tiny house is about status, not finances or functionality or sustainability, or anything else you seem to be able to articulate. 

A loft is generally much easier to fall out of.
And no, by "my rules" there are plenty of options other than a 1 story home. 

And you are correct; I didn't mean 7 years without privacy.  I meant 7 years without privacy while sleeping.  I thought it was clear from the context, but I guess not.

Look, you can live however you want, of course. You can sleep however you want and integrate your kids into sleeping arrangements however you want.  You can spend what you and and  everything else. 

I was trying to point out 2 things:  you may not have thought about all the aspects of child-reading in this scenario, and may not have talked about them with your potential co-parent.

And you still seem to be trying to justify this house concept when it really seems less-than-ideal, for many reason. 

But enjoy your tiny not-tiny home on a cranberry bog that you likely won't be able to get a permit for anyway, if that's what you need in your life to feel sufficiently eccentric, I guess? 

I wasn't accusing you of being a classist. Just adding clarification. Annoyed with other aspects of life; couldn't do anything about them, but I could fire back at what I perceived as your negativity.

Lofts can be designed in a way that is easy to fall out of or impossible to fall out of. If I was building it for children I would make sure they can't fall off of it.

I have discussed this with the co-parent, she understands that it would be less than ideal.

I appreciate the criticism. I am just not convinced as much as everyone else is.

There are some opinions that it will cost more, the same, or insignificantly less to build. They have good points, but I won't be convinced until I see some real numbers.

It will be less in heating/cooling. It will be less in taxes and insurance. It will be less due to downstream benefits of forced minimalism. Maintenance will be less because it is a new home.

Some opinions say that all of this will add up to an insignificant amount compared to the premium over a used home and/or the potential of a lower resale value.

I have no plans to pursue this at this point. Thanks for playing along.


sonofsven

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Re: Help Me... A Deranged Eccentric
« Reply #60 on: March 06, 2024, 06:28:26 AM »
The problem with lofts in small houses/cabins is that all the heat rises to the top. This is especially bad if you heat with wood, it becomes near impossible to sleep up there.
They are kind of a fun feature, though.

fpjeepy

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Re: Help Me... A Deranged Eccentric
« Reply #61 on: March 06, 2024, 06:45:54 AM »
The problem with lofts in small houses/cabins is that all the heat rises to the top. This is especially bad if you heat with wood, it becomes near impossible to sleep up there.
They are kind of a fun feature, though.

I hadn't thought of that. Sad because I do love a wood stove. I love in-floor heat as well, but that goes against trying to keep things cheap.

sonofsven

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Re: Help Me... A Deranged Eccentric
« Reply #62 on: March 06, 2024, 10:37:58 AM »
The problem with lofts in small houses/cabins is that all the heat rises to the top. This is especially bad if you heat with wood, it becomes near impossible to sleep up there.
They are kind of a fun feature, though.

I hadn't thought of that. Sad because I do love a wood stove. I love in-floor heat as well, but that goes against trying to keep things cheap.
Underfloor electric heat is not too expensive in a small bathroom under tile, I've done lots of them. The running cost is not outrageous in my experience. I have it at my place and I love it. I'm barefoot  inside the house and it's so nice to step into a nice warm floor instead of cold tile. I just turn it off from spring to fall. It also meets the code requirement for bathroom heat.

ChpBstrd

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Re: Help Me... A Deranged Eccentric
« Reply #63 on: March 06, 2024, 10:43:04 AM »
The problem with lofts in small houses/cabins is that all the heat rises to the top. This is especially bad if you heat with wood, it becomes near impossible to sleep up there.
They are kind of a fun feature, though.
I hadn't thought of that. Sad because I do love a wood stove. I love in-floor heat as well, but that goes against trying to keep things cheap.
I like the idea of a wood stove but holy shit, have you seen the prices of wood stoves? Then you get to pay a utility bill in the form of higher homeowner's insurance.

sonofsven

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Re: Help Me... A Deranged Eccentric
« Reply #64 on: March 06, 2024, 05:53:15 PM »
The problem with lofts in small houses/cabins is that all the heat rises to the top. This is especially bad if you heat with wood, it becomes near impossible to sleep up there.
They are kind of a fun feature, though.
I hadn't thought of that. Sad because I do love a wood stove. I love in-floor heat as well, but that goes against trying to keep things cheap.
I like the idea of a wood stove but holy shit, have you seen the prices of wood stoves? Then you get to pay a utility bill in the form of higher homeowner's insurance.

Yes, they are spendy for the nice ones.
I had my heart set on a Jotul F400 Castine cast iron stove in blue years ago, but it was around $2400 in 2007 or so. I found a $200 Lopi steel stove on Craigslist and used that, but I always looked on Craigslist, hoping, and after YEARS I found an installed-but-never-used Castine for $200. It was a miracle-ish. I actually saw another recently, never used. I almost bought it for no reason.
I don't know that my homeowners policy increased. When I alerted them to the wood stove install they didn't change the price at that time. Maybe they waited until the next policy? I wouldn't put anything past them.

Sibley

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Re: Help Me... A Deranged Eccentric
« Reply #65 on: March 10, 2024, 11:13:48 AM »
OP, this whole thing sounds like you are desperately unhappy with your life for some reason and your brain has latched onto this very specific thing as "it will fix everything". It won't.

Take a really hard look at your life and your emotions. Are you unhappy? If so, why? Dig into it. What, really, is the issue? Because the fact that you don't live on a cranberry farm is not the reason. Once you figure it out, then consider what you want to do. Maybe you can't really change the thing that is making you unhappy, maybe you can.

fpjeepy

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Re: Help Me... A Deranged Eccentric
« Reply #66 on: March 10, 2024, 11:53:03 AM »
OP, this whole thing sounds like you are desperately unhappy with your life for some reason and your brain has latched onto this very specific thing as "it will fix everything". It won't.

Take a really hard look at your life and your emotions. Are you unhappy? If so, why? Dig into it. What, really, is the issue? Because the fact that you don't live on a cranberry farm is not the reason. Once you figure it out, then consider what you want to do. Maybe you can't really change the thing that is making you unhappy, maybe you can.

I don't think I am the happiest person alive, but I don't think anyone who knows me would call me "desperately unhappy". I think happy is an emotion; an alcoholic can be happy all the time as long as they have booze. "Happiness" isn't my goal in life. I just had shoulder surgery. I'm in a lot of pain. I'm not happy, but I know I did the right thing. I'm glad that I did it. I will be better off in the end, and being in less pain in the future will help me be more useful in the world than I would have been otherwise.

Delaying gratification financially is what a lot of people here are doing. It's not fun, it doesn't make me happy. I'd rather blow my money on things that make me "happy" but I don't, and I have some joy in knowing I'm setting up a better future for myself and my loved ones.

So no, I'm not "desperately unhappy", and being "happy" isn't my goal.

Villanelle

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Re: Help Me... A Deranged Eccentric
« Reply #67 on: March 10, 2024, 11:59:17 AM »
OP, this whole thing sounds like you are desperately unhappy with your life for some reason and your brain has latched onto this very specific thing as "it will fix everything". It won't.

Take a really hard look at your life and your emotions. Are you unhappy? If so, why? Dig into it. What, really, is the issue? Because the fact that you don't live on a cranberry farm is not the reason. Once you figure it out, then consider what you want to do. Maybe you can't really change the thing that is making you unhappy, maybe you can.

I don't think I am the happiest person alive, but I don't think anyone who knows me would call me "desperately unhappy". I think happy is an emotion; an alcoholic can be happy all the time as long as they have booze. "Happiness" isn't my goal in life. I just had shoulder surgery. I'm in a lot of pain. I'm not happy, but I know I did the right thing. I'm glad that I did it. I will be better off in the end, and being in less pain in the future will help me be more useful in the world than I would have been otherwise.

Delaying gratification financially is what a lot of people here are doing. It's not fun, it doesn't make me happy. I'd rather blow my money on things that make me "happy" but I don't, and I have some joy in knowing I'm setting up a better future for myself and my loved ones.

So no, I'm not "desperately unhappy", and being "happy" isn't my goal.

If you object to the word "happy", how about--you seem desperately dissatisfied and more than a little lost? 

fpjeepy

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Re: Help Me... A Deranged Eccentric
« Reply #68 on: March 10, 2024, 12:37:52 PM »
If you object to the word "happy", how about--you seem desperately dissatisfied and more than a little lost?

You can label me however makes you happy.

Villanelle

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Re: Help Me... A Deranged Eccentric
« Reply #69 on: March 10, 2024, 03:06:24 PM »
If you object to the word "happy", how about--you seem desperately dissatisfied and more than a little lost?

You can label me however makes you happy.

But happiness isn't the goal. 

spartana

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Re: Help Me... A Deranged Eccentric
« Reply #70 on: March 10, 2024, 05:35:27 PM »
OP, this whole thing sounds like you are desperately unhappy with your life for some reason and your brain has latched onto this very specific thing as "it will fix everything". It won't.

Take a really hard look at your life and your emotions. Are you unhappy? If so, why? Dig into it. What, really, is the issue? Because the fact that you don't live on a cranberry farm is not the reason. Once you figure it out, then consider what you want to do. Maybe you can't really change the thing that is making you unhappy, maybe you can.
I didn't get that from his posts. Kind of the opposite in that he seemed excited and happy and just felt like he was trying to get ideas about how to go about building his small unusual house out in the boonies. We all (including me) kind of shit on his dream with life's realities and he became frustrated but understood the logic - and that made him unhappy. Logic sucks sometimes ;-).