What would you do in this situation?

[JoanDoe]

Q:  If you expected family to fail to move out, would you start eviction proceedings now?

Here's the situation.  My grandfather whom I dearly loved had a dud of a daughter who happens to be my mother.  She has never held down a job for long, been a druggie and alcoholic and let's just say NOT the Mother of the Year.  When Grandpa got sick, she moved in to take care of him and take advantage of free rent (which doesn't bother me because it was good for him).  Along with her came my 24yr old brother who's never paid rent a day in his life.  Grandpa passed away 2 weeks ago. Now she finds out he left the house to me.  I told her and Brother they must move out and they have 30 days.

Knowing she has been evicted from 90% of the places she has ever lived, and has a job as of 1 mo ago, would you deliver paperwork to Quit now or give them grace since her dad died and she's new to her job?

I WANT to give her grace and then if she doesn't move, and I evict her, I will be more justified imo.  My grandma's sis is of the firm opinion that my mother is a user and a lost cause, so I might as well evict her ASAP.  My head thinks she is right, but my heart...

If it matters, I had to quit my job to be executor, and don't dare go home to my husband in another state because I KNOW beyond a shadow of a doubt that she would trash this house.  So I am staying here until she moves out/ it is sold/  undetermined point.

I loved my grandparents dearly and they were the parents I never had,  and pretty much raised me.  I am humbled and thankful that they gave me their house.  My mother is deeply resentful, and let's say is not going to like me no matter what.  I don't even know if she loves me somewhere inside.  Yet somehow I love her, and I know this is about me doing what is RIGHT regardless of feeling. 

What would you do?

Thanks for letting me vent and bounce ideas off of you guys.

[sammybiker]

Issue her a brief & written grace period and issue a pay or quit notice the moment she's outside of that grace period.

View the grace period as a symbolic act of goodwill and nothing more - prepare to move on with the eviction.  These aren't people you want living in your rental/property anyway, family or not.

[AMandM]

Just speaking as a human being, not a real-estate investor, evicting someone from her home two weeks after her father died seems unnecessarily harsh.

Obviously she has to leave eventually, but there's not much to be gained by hurrying the eviction, is there?  On the other hand, by giving her grace, you do a mitzvah and you satisfy the part of you that wants to honor her as your mother. The house is an unexpected gift; it's just as much of a gift if you get it a few weeks later. 

This assumes that you and your husband can put up with being apart for a while longer.  Or maybe he could come visit.

My sympathies on the loss of your grandfather.

[mooreprop]

I have relatives that sound like yours, and here is what I would do.  I would offer to pay for your Mom's first month's rent at a new place if she moves within a set period of time.  This way, you get her out as soon as possible and hopefully do not have to file for eviction.  Find a form online for "cash for keys" programs and put it in writing.  Explain to Mom that if she moves in with someone else that you will give her the cash.  If I know your Mom's type, she will find someone to move in with and take the cash.   

At the same time that you offer "cash for keys", give her a notice to quit.  If she does not move out, you can immediately file for eviction.  This is a good way to not look like the bad guy if you have to evict.  After all, you offered to pay the rent and help her move.  (By the way, do not give her the cash until she has finished moving and given you the keys.  Be sure to change the locks.  If she needs the money to rent a new place, be sure you pay the landlord directly.)

Sorry about your loss.  Hopefully, you get this done without too many hard feelings.

[elaine amj]

I have relatives that sound like yours, and here is what I would do.  I would offer to pay for your Mom's first month's rent at a new place if she moves within a set period of time.  This way, you get her out as soon as possible and hopefully do not have to file for eviction.  Find a form online for "cash for keys" programs and put it in writing.  Explain to Mom that if she moves in with someone else that you will give her the cash.  If I know your Mom's type, she will find someone to move in with and take the cash.   

At the same time that you offer "cash for keys", give her a notice to quit.  If she does not move out, you can immediately file for eviction.  This is a good way to not look like the bad guy if you have to evict.  After all, you offered to pay the rent and help her move.  (By the way, do not give her the cash until she has finished moving and given you the keys.  Be sure to change the locks.  If she needs the money to rent a new place, be sure you pay the landlord directly.)

Sorry about your loss.  Hopefully, you get this done without too many hard feelings.

This sounds like a really good way of handling this situation. After all, the longer it drags out, the longer you will be away from your husband - which I presume is not ideal.

[crispy]

I have relatives that sound like yours, and here is what I would do.  I would offer to pay for your Mom's first month's rent at a new place if she moves within a set period of time.  This way, you get her out as soon as possible and hopefully do not have to file for eviction.  Find a form online for "cash for keys" programs and put it in writing.  Explain to Mom that if she moves in with someone else that you will give her the cash.  If I know your Mom's type, she will find someone to move in with and take the cash.   

At the same time that you offer "cash for keys", give her a notice to quit.  If she does not move out, you can immediately file for eviction.  This is a good way to not look like the bad guy if you have to evict.  After all, you offered to pay the rent and help her move.  (By the way, do not give her the cash until she has finished moving and given you the keys.  Be sure to change the locks.  If she needs the money to rent a new place, be sure you pay the landlord directly.)

Sorry about your loss.  Hopefully, you get this done without too many hard feelings.

This is an excellent idea.

[Bobberth]

I think the biggest point for you, other than it's your mother and those emotions, is how much time do you want wrapped up in this situation? You posted this on December 15th. So goodwill/grace period is what, until after the holidays or Dec 31? 30 days until Jan 15? Maybe later? Then what? I don't know your location but what if there is a snow storm? Will you push the grace period back if it's a crappy day to move on the last day? Then what if she doesn't move out? How long will it take to evict once you start that process? You're potentially on the hook for several months of your time if you have to be there to protect the property throughout the process. Do you want to start that long process now or in a month or two?

Most likely your mom is pissed because she was hoping for a big payday from the inheritance but it went to you instead. Cash for Keys may be the best & quickest option. If she's the lowlife you say she is, maybe offer a good amount:$1k-$2k to quietly leave by Dec 31. That's a lot of booze & drugs to an addict and it might get her out quick as it's probably a month or two of work for her. Let her know that if she doesn't take the money and get out quickly, she WILL be evicted and not get any money. Serve her with the (whatever number your state requires) notice at the same time so she knows you're serious. If it's 30 days, have cash for keys by Dec 31 and GTFO with nothing by Jan 15 and an eviction after that. Have her sign something acknowledging that she has moved out and relinquishes all claims to live in the property before you give her any cash.

Whatever you do, I would make the cash for keys a short time period (maybe give her until Jan 3 so she could move that weekend) and not get into paying 1st month rent elsewhere-if she's been evicted that many times, she will probably have a hard time finding a place to live. Let her shack up with someone and piss away the cash but don't have it dependent on her finding another place to live or she may just drag her feet hoping you will back down.

Good luck. Not a good situation to be in right now but it will pass.

[JoanDoe]

Thank you all for your advice. I wrestled and wrestled with it. Last night delivered a notice to quit to them. I told them with witnesses on December 9th that they had a month. The notice I gave them reflects that andlists a last day to move as January 11th.

I handed the paper to Mom and told her this is a written record of what I already told her so far as a move out date. That would be January 11th. The first words out of her mouth were," I thought you said the 28th." Wow. Way to go to confirm my worst thoughts about her. She then walked off and said, "I don't want to talk about it now." We'll see how it goes this morning. I am going to offer her $500 move out on time.  I suspect her new home will be with a friend.

[Kouhri]

Wondering how it all went in the end?