Was called useless because I don`t have a job - rant alert

[tipster350]

I can't imagine why it matters what some douchebag thinks. It is never worth my time to engage with someone like that, whether it is to educate them/get them to adjust their opinion (why would I do that?) or spar. I would not care one whit about letting them know their words were hurtful, because they shouldn't be given that amount of consideration.

My response would run along the lines of "thanks for your input, I'll give it due attention", or give a puzzled look and walk away.

[radram]

I think your response to his comment (getting upset about it and staying upset about it for hours) is much more interesting than the comment itself.  Whenever I find myself getting disproportionately upset about something that someone else did or said, it's always because there's something deeper going on than just the surface event that set me off.  Have you taken some time to introspect about why this person's comment bothers you so much?  Is it because you care about his opinion and want his respect and approval?  Or maybe you subconsciously feel like he's a little bit right and you SHOULD be working?  Or some other explanation?  I think if you can get to the bottom of why you're reacting so strongly to what he's said, it will end up being useful for your own personal growth.  Not to mention your sanity and your happiness.

+1 I would like the OP to respond, since I see a lot of me here.

Our society bond is tied to our profession.  It is almost always the first thing we know about someone.  First question we ask anyone we meet.... "What do you do?".  If we think it might be someone without a job, we might ask.. "Do you work outside the home?", which is really the same question.  I still struggle with this one.  I know there is a thread that discusses it, but it is still unresolved for me.  I started working at my Grandfathers business when I was 10.  He worked until he was 86, died at 87.  My father is still there at 77.  I can not deny that there is a constant pull to work at something.


Even when talking with your FIRE peers(like on this forum), you see that we still feel the need to define what we DO (I am an investment manager for myself, or I volunteer, or I make mittens for puppies, or whatever).  When I FIRED, I was so burned out I didn't want to do ANYTHING.  So I allowed myself to do just that, nothing.  For over a year.  I still do not have an answer to the question "What do you do?".  I am now approaching the point where I want to do something, but I must admit that part of me wants to do something just to have an answer to the question.

Not having to work confuses people.  When I FIRED, I let people know I was "taking a year off", even though I knew I never had to work again.  There were people that could not even comprehend a 1 year hiatus from work, let alone no need to work for 50+ years. I feel a lot of guilt for my situation.  Yes, we saved more than we spent for almost 25 years and have "earned" our position.  But we were also given unbelievable opportunities that we capitalized on.  We did not at all do it "on our own".  Without the help, we would still be working, though still planning to FIRE earlier than most. 

Is it possible that your reaction was a combination of dealing with your neighbors jealousy as well as your own guilt for being so far ahead of others as it related to fiscal independence?  Do you also feel a need to have an answer to "What do you do?"

[slackmax]

I can relate to the old guy's point of view. When I retired at age 58 I felt guilty about not "contributing to society" anymore.  The philosophy that you work not only for yourself but also for the good of your fellow man (by creating more goods and services)  has been hammered into most of us over the years. Not saying that philosophy is right or wrong, just that it seems to have a permanent pull at one's psyche.  I must say I'm OK with some slight guilt because I know that, ethically, I'm OK with being a Maximum Slacker, having worked for x amount of years already, etc.

   

[Telecaster]

Possible response: "Oh, I have a job - managing my investment portfolio."

Sent from my azpen using Tapatalk

LOL!  I was just about to post the same thing. 

[Goldielocks]

I would love to reply "Oh, are your off your meds again?"    (repeat as needed)

:-)  But I never would.   Two choices.  Ignore it / him or pause to have a meaningful conversation about it.  Ask him why he says that, and ask just who are you supposed to be "useful" for... (after which you could enlighten him).

My dad blurts things more as he gets older, especially with acquaintances, --no filter by choice rather than dementia, -- but an honest conversation will often create a 180 opinion/ attitude, very quickly, and then he is their biggest fan.

I've found this "no filter" phenomenon among the elderly as well. Not necessarily dementia. I swear they sometimes spew crap just to see if they can get your goad / get a rise out of you. It's essentially a shit test to see how you respond. I assume it arises from boredom and unhappiness with their current situation. Any attention is better than being alone.

Yep.

For my Dad,  it is not out of boredom, it is out of glee of being retired, and more like glee at not having to "toe the line" to any boss anywhere, anymore...including whatever "society" thinks of them.   I think I can relate to that :-)

[Stachey]

radram - oh yes the dreaded "What do you do?" question.  I've always hated this question my whole life because it always seemed to be the modern equivalent of the class system since so many people rank their own (imagined)superiority on how their job compares to everyone else.  It's sad that people need this crutch to prop up their egos.

The fact of the matter is that I am doing many things.  I have a big long list of things that I've always wanted to do but never had the time to do but I have no intention of discussing them with a geriatric gasbag especially when he seems to be getting more sarcastic all of the time.  (I SOOO get the 'no-filter' comment...this seems to be a common theme with older generations).

For new acquaintances I think I'll come up with an answer that is boring enough that they won't ask any more questions about it and yet allow them to maintain their fragile ego by feeling superior.  I'm thinking "Technical writer" (that way I can dredge up some old engineering terms...make their eyes glaze over)

[SwordGuy]

I've decided I'm going to have several different business cards made up, and pass out the one that seems most appropriate at the time.

• Real Estate Investor
• Landed Gentry
• Artist
• Software Developer
• Executor

I'll reserve the last one for people who are being very unpleasant to others.   It actually refers to a legal appointment as my mom's estate's executor, but I suspect some folks might read it as the other meaning.   Brings new meaning to "Want to hang out at my place?"  :)

[Mr. Green]

I've decided I'm going to have several different business cards made up, and pass out the one that seems most appropriate at the time.

• Real Estate Investor
• Landed Gentry
• Artist
• Software Developer
• Executor

I'll reserve the last one for people who are being very unpleasant to others.   It actually refers to a legal appointment as my mom's estate's executor, but I suspect some folks might read it as the other meaning.   Brings new meaning to "Want to hang out at my place?"  :)

This reminds me of the business/calling card thread that Arebelspy started quite some time ago. Have you ever read the "occupations" people have offered in that thread? It's awesome.

[radram]

radram - oh yes the dreaded "What do you do?" question.  I've always hated this question my whole life because it always seemed to be the modern equivalent of the class system since so many people rank their own (imagined)superiority on how their job compares to everyone else.  It's sad that people need this crutch to prop up their egos.

The fact of the matter is that I am doing many things.  I have a big long list of things that I've always wanted to do but never had the time to do but I have no intention of discussing them with a geriatric gasbag especially when he seems to be getting more sarcastic all of the time.  (I SOOO get the 'no-filter' comment...this seems to be a common theme with older generations).

For new acquaintances I think I'll come up with an answer that is boring enough that they won't ask any more questions about it and yet allow them to maintain their fragile ego by feeling superior.  I'm thinking "Technical writer" (that way I can dredge up some old engineering terms...make their eyes glaze over)

I often change the question to: "What do you do FOR FUN", and try to ask it first.  Many people have to stop and think for a while because it is not a question they are regularly asked.  That is something I do for fun :)

[Kyle Schuant]

I was having such a good day up until a couple of hours ago when I had a run in with the King of Male Menopause who informed me I was useless because I don`t have a paying job.

Do you do anything useful or productive with your day? I don't mean anything to do with money, by the way - you can get money and be non-productive, even destructive, or get no money and be very productive.

It's a genuine question. I don't care personally if you don't, I mean I don't even care about dole bludgers; the economy is a machine, and every machine has its friction. But evidently you feel there is some truth to it, or it wouldn't hurt you. Neither you nor anyone else is morally obliged to be productive - but if you feel you should be, and that you're not, that could explain why his comment burned.

What do you do with your days?

[Stachey]

Swordguy...love it!  That's a great idea!

[CHF]

Haha my reply would be 'I'm an investment manager ;)'. You don't have to tell you only manage your investments.

cutenila, you're my inspiration. I've started using it and it works perfectly:

- No more awkward discussions or explanations with people who don't get it (and as you know, these are nearly all of them).
- It's no lie, just an unusual interpretation of the term. This makes "coming-out" a lot of fun and is a good conversation starter with the few people who do actually get it!
- It always makes me grinning when I use it :-)

Thank you!!!

[firelight]

Haha my reply would be 'I'm an investment manager ;)'. You don't have to tell you only manage your investments.

cutenila, you're my inspiration. I've started using it and it works perfectly:

- No more awkward discussions or explanations with people who don't get it (and as you know, these are nearly all of them).
- It's no lie, just an unusual interpretation of the term. This makes "coming-out" a lot of fun and is a good conversation starter with the few people who do actually get it!
- It always makes me grinning when I use it :-)

Thank you!!!

You're welcome :)

[JG in Hangzhou]

Probably too late to this posting, but I felt obligated to share.
After living in China for 8 years, I found myself feeling like I was constantly running into s***heads and d**ks.
But really, a lot of it is the culture.
You need to realize that a 68 year old grew up in the 60's and 70's, and built his career in the 80's and 90's.
He probably has the idea the working hard all day for someone else builds character (and it does).
Obviously he still feels the need to build his character, and he should. 
He can't imagine that you still don't need character building because you are younger than him.
Therefore he feels obligated to try to goad you back into working while at the same time justifying to himself that it is okay to spend 8 to 10 hours a day making money for the rest of us.   

[devan 11]

Look what is going on. 

He is being judgemental jerk because he needs a job to add meaning to his existence and validate his lack of intrinsic worth that he fundamentally feels about himself.  Don't buy his problems about his failings.  The reason you can enjoy and model successful living is that you have done the work to get there.

There was some writings by a hospice nurse, talking about regrets of a wasted life.  Working instead of living is among the top regrets.

[ardrum]

I would probably laugh and not even respond with words.  It expresses just how unimportant his opinions are on your amazing achievment.

[Exflyboy]

Ahh, just this Saturday I got the "what do you do?" question.

It was a cocktail party with a whole bunch of highly accomplished professionals. This guy was very polite and was a statistician.

So I told him "absolutely nothing.. I'm retired"

"wow your very young to be retired"

Yes I retired at 52

(does not compute look on his face)

"So what did you use to do?"

Oh.. and I rattled off a few things that put us on an equal socio economic, intellectual footing.

He was satisfied with that.. but clearly could not quite square "52" with "retired"

[avrex]

That is awesome.

Isn't it interesting. 
Two people can have the same income level, but one can retire many many years before the other one.
This does not seem to compute with the majority of the population.  I love this forum.  :)

[WootWoot]

That's just rude.

[Stachey]

Ahh, just this Saturday I got the "what do you do?" question.

It was a cocktail party with a whole bunch of highly accomplished professionals. This guy was very polite and was a statistician.

So I told him "absolutely nothing.. I'm retired"

"wow your very young to be retired"

Yes I retired at 52

(does not compute look on his face)

"So what did you use to do?"

Oh.. and I rattled off a few things that out us on an equal socio economic, intellectual footing.

He was satisfied with that.. but clearly could not quite square "52" with "retired"

LOL! I love how you describe it  "I rattled off a few things that out us on an equal socio economic, intellectual footing."   That's exactly what it is.  It's so sad that people constantly want to compare themselves to other people and hopefully find the other person lacking.  Someone coined it... Comparison-itis.

[Exflyboy]

Yes its sad that we need to do that. I often think the people I most admire are those folks who have completely different skills to me. Like " I gave up work at 35 to travel the world because like.. well screw it why not?

That makes the young traveller much more brave than I (maybe not as smart but if I drop dead tomorrow maybe I'm the dummy).

I guess FIRE alters your perspective about work, I mean.. Work is the meaning of my life (compare-itis).. Or maybe work is the thing I DID simply to earn as much money as possible so I could give up work and then do exactly what I wanted.

Maybe eventually at the cocktail party I will say.. "You work?".. why would you do that?..:)

[Stachey]

It`s also sad that the fear of going against societal "norms" kept me in that stressful effing job for a lot longer than I needed to be.

But I really like your comeback exflyboy..."You work?  Why would you do that?"
I'll have to try that one someday.

Someone else on here suggested when they hear "What do you do?" you reply with "No the question is what do you do for fun?!"

[choppingwood]

Maybe eventually at the cocktail party I will say.. "You work?".. why would you do that?..:)

Just after I became publisher in a book publishing company, I was invited to a party where almost everyone there was a published poet or an artist. I can remember someone asking me what I did, and when I told him, he looked so genuinely sad for me that I wasn't a poet like he was.

[farmecologist]

Although I'm not retired yet, I plan to in my early fifties ( mid 40s now ).  However, I wanted to share something about the mindset of where some of these older workers come from.

I work closely with a bunch of older 'baby boomer' types.  I hate to be stereotypical, but the work(aholic) ethic of some of these people just astounds me.   We have one that is in his early 80s (yes that is not a typo), one that is in his late 70s, and several in their late 60s.   Many of them constantly complain about how they really need to retire, how bad the company is, etc...but never do actually retire.  They also continue to work ridiculous hours that are literally probably 'killing them slowly'.  ALL of these people have the means to have retired several years ago.   I try to talk to them about retiring early on a modest income and often get condescending looks and comments back.

Incidentally, NONE of my younger coworkers seem to have a workaholic attitude like this. 

It certainly seems like a generational thing.  have others experienced this?






     

[Slee_stack]

Although I'm not retired yet, I plan to in my early fifties ( mid 40s now ).  However, I wanted to share something about the mindset of where some of these older workers come from.

I work closely with a bunch of older 'baby boomer' types.  I hate to be stereotypical, but the work(aholic) ethic of some of these people just astounds me.   We have one that is in his early 80s (yes that is not a typo), one that is in his late 70s, and several in their late 60s.   Many of them constantly complain about how they really need to retire, how bad the company is, etc...but never do actually retire.  They also continue to work ridiculous hours that are literally probably 'killing them slowly'.  ALL of these people have the means to have retired several years ago.   I try to talk to them about retiring early on a modest income and often get condescending looks and comments back.

Incidentally, NONE of my younger coworkers seem to have a workaholic attitude like this. 

It certainly seems like a generational thing.  have others experienced this?
   

Some folks get great personal satisfaction from martyrdom.  Its just another status ploy.

We are all flawed.  I make comparisons myself.  When I play sports, I'm competitive.  Why?  I want to win or 'be better than'.  I'm trying to not care as much...

[Cassie]

I am a baby boomer as are my friends. Some work too long and some don't. No one I know retired before their 50's or early 60's.  Some people kept working because they did not want to be home with their spouse which is sad.  Some had spending problems and did not want to cut back. Some never saved so had to keep working. I don't know anyone that worked until 80 because they wanted too.

[dougules]

Although I'm not retired yet, I plan to in my early fifties ( mid 40s now ).  However, I wanted to share something about the mindset of where some of these older workers come from.

I work closely with a bunch of older 'baby boomer' types.  I hate to be stereotypical, but the work(aholic) ethic of some of these people just astounds me.   We have one that is in his early 80s (yes that is not a typo), one that is in his late 70s, and several in their late 60s.   Many of them constantly complain about how they really need to retire, how bad the company is, etc...but never do actually retire.  They also continue to work ridiculous hours that are literally probably 'killing them slowly'.  ALL of these people have the means to have retired several years ago.   I try to talk to them about retiring early on a modest income and often get condescending looks and comments back.

Incidentally, NONE of my younger coworkers seem to have a workaholic attitude like this. 

It certainly seems like a generational thing.  have others experienced this?
   

Some folks get great personal satisfaction from martyrdom.  Its just another status ploy.

We are all flawed.  I make comparisons myself.  When I play sports, I'm competitive.  Why?  I want to win or 'be better than'.  I'm trying to not care as much...

Oh yes.  There are definitely old men who love doing things they secretly enjoy but look like drudgery.  They get to play the martyr.  My dad is especially big on this.  He's planning to work until he turns 70 in 3 years because he's got to provide health care until my mom is 65 and can get medicare.  It's a huge burden.  The truth is that he enjoys having a little time away from her during the day and loves being the "gray beard" expert at work.  He does the martyr thing with other "chores" too like car maintenance. It took me a long time to figure him out, but I'm onto his game now. 

[ltt]

Any update OP?  Have you run into your neighbor?

[farmecologist]

Although I'm not retired yet, I plan to in my early fifties ( mid 40s now ).  However, I wanted to share something about the mindset of where some of these older workers come from.

I work closely with a bunch of older 'baby boomer' types.  I hate to be stereotypical, but the work(aholic) ethic of some of these people just astounds me.   We have one that is in his early 80s (yes that is not a typo), one that is in his late 70s, and several in their late 60s.   Many of them constantly complain about how they really need to retire, how bad the company is, etc...but never do actually retire.  They also continue to work ridiculous hours that are literally probably 'killing them slowly'.  ALL of these people have the means to have retired several years ago.   I try to talk to them about retiring early on a modest income and often get condescending looks and comments back.

Incidentally, NONE of my younger coworkers seem to have a workaholic attitude like this. 

It certainly seems like a generational thing.  have others experienced this?
   

Some folks get great personal satisfaction from martyrdom.  Its just another status ploy.

We are all flawed.  I make comparisons myself.  When I play sports, I'm competitive.  Why?  I want to win or 'be better than'.  I'm trying to not care as much...

Oh yes.  There are definitely old men who love doing things they secretly enjoy but look like drudgery.  They get to play the martyr.  My dad is especially big on this.  He's planning to work until he turns 70 in 3 years because he's got to provide health care until my mom is 65 and can get medicare.  It's a huge burden.  The truth is that he enjoys having a little time away from her during the day and loves being the "gray beard" expert at work.  He does the martyr thing with other "chores" too like car maintenance. It took me a long time to figure him out, but I'm onto his game now.

"playing the martyr" is spot on.  Many "grey beards" here seem to do that!

[Stachey]

Maybe eventually at the cocktail party I will say.. "You work?".. why would you do that?..:)

Just after I became publisher in a book publishing company, I was invited to a party where almost everyone there was a published poet or an artist. I can remember someone asking me what I did, and when I told him, he looked so genuinely sad for me that I wasn't a poet like he was.

I love this story choppingwood!  It just goes to show how important it is the people that one surrounds themselves with.  I read your post and thought...oh wow I wish I could hang out with those people!

Any update OP?  Have you run into your neighbor?

Yes I run into my neighbour all the time.  Now I'm very cautious around him and never put much stock in anything he says anymore.  I think he realizes he screwed up big time because he seems to be trying to be nicer but I don't trust him not to be nasty again.  He seems to be the type who lets a bad time in one part of his day affect every other aspect of his life for days on end.

[BTDretire]

Possible response: "Oh, I have a job - managing my investment portfolio."

Sent from my azpen using Tapatalk

LOL!  I was just about to post the same thing.

 I retired 6 days ago, my wife is still working.
I'm a kept man.
 And loving it.
But ya, managing my investment portfolio,
which means watching the business channels
and leaving my VTSAX alone.
  I suspect one of these days my 40 something neighbor
will notice, he works afternoon shift and will soon figure
out I'm not working. I'll tell him I'm semi retired which is
true. I'm the maintenace man for our business.
 Fixing the van as I write, waiting for paint to dry, hope I
get done before the rain comes.

[SuperMex]

Sir, Life is about choices....

I made the choice to delay gratification and thus I was able to afford to retire in my XY's. You on the other hand have made the choice to live very close to your income and thus you have to continue to work. If that makes you happy then good for you; I won't judge you for your decisions and I appreciate it if you don't judge me for mine.

Have a good day and say hi to your wife I'll stop by and bring her some banana bread later if she is home.

[oldtoyota]

Thanks everyone...your suggestions were helpful.

This guy is the next door neighbour and the layout of the complex makes our doors close together.  He's often sitting outside his door reading or eating so it makes it difficult to avoid him at times.
His wife is a wonderful person and we've been friends for years...she's a bake me cookies type of person...so I don't want to start screaming at her husband and I can't freeze him out unfortunately.  He's been getting more and more curmudgenly as the years go by with general complaints and ailments so this comment came out of left field and was quite unexpected.  I just need a way to deal with unexpected insults like this in a way that doesn't affect my life for hours afterwards.

I'm sorry that happened and that you have to deal with it.

He could have dementia or a bacterial infection. I know two older people who started acting "crazy" and they had UTIs (bacteria was affecting their brains).

Or maybe he's extremely unhappy with how things have turned out for him.

[Exflyboy]

Thanks everyone...your suggestions were helpful.

This guy is the next door neighbour and the layout of the complex makes our doors close together.  He's often sitting outside his door reading or eating so it makes it difficult to avoid him at times.
His wife is a wonderful person and we've been friends for years...she's a bake me cookies type of person...so I don't want to start screaming at her husband and I can't freeze him out unfortunately.  He's been getting more and more curmudgenly as the years go by with general complaints and ailments so this comment came out of left field and was quite unexpected.  I just need a way to deal with unexpected insults like this in a way that doesn't affect my life for hours afterwards.

I'm sorry that happened and that you have to deal with it.

He could have dementia or a bacterial infection. I know two older people who started acting "crazy" and they had UTIs (bacteria was affecting their brains).

Or maybe he's extremely unhappy with how things have turned out for him.

I think if I had a UTI I'd be extremely unhappy.. But heck I could afford the antibiotics AND not go to work..:)

[Adventine]

Thanks everyone...your suggestions were helpful.

This guy is the next door neighbour and the layout of the complex makes our doors close together.  He's often sitting outside his door reading or eating so it makes it difficult to avoid him at times.
His wife is a wonderful person and we've been friends for years...she's a bake me cookies type of person...so I don't want to start screaming at her husband and I can't freeze him out unfortunately.  He's been getting more and more curmudgenly as the years go by with general complaints and ailments so this comment came out of left field and was quite unexpected.  I just need a way to deal with unexpected insults like this in a way that doesn't affect my life for hours afterwards.

I'm sorry that happened and that you have to deal with it.

He could have dementia or a bacterial infection. I know two older people who started acting "crazy" and they had UTIs (bacteria was affecting their brains).

Or maybe he's extremely unhappy with how things have turned out for him.

I think if I had a UTI I'd be extremely unhappy.. But heck I could afford the antibiotics AND not go to work..:)

Wow, an excess of bacteria can actually impair not just your physical health but also your mental clarity? Amazing... horrible, but amazing.

[Racer X]

Possible response: "Oh, I have a job - managing my investment portfolio."

Sent from my azpen using Tapatalk

LOL!  I was just about to post the same thing.

 I retired 6 days ago, my wife is still working.
I'm a kept man.
 And loving it.
But ya, managing my investment portfolio,
which means watching the business channels
and leaving my VTSAX alone.
  I suspect one of these days my 40 something neighbor
will notice, he works afternoon shift and will soon figure
out I'm not working. I'll tell him I'm semi retired which is
true. I'm the maintenace man for our business.
 Fixing the van as I write, waiting for paint to dry, hope I
get done before the rain comes.

DW is working OMY to finish off a large, multi-year project at work before she retires.  I retired 8 months ago. 

I proudly wear my "Trophy Husband" t-shirt out in public.  It gets a few good laughs.

[Linea_Norway]

Wow, an excess of bacteria can actually impair not just your physical health but also your mental clarity? Amazing... horrible, but amazing.

Yes, they can. I recently read a book about intestinal bacteria that in some cases can cause people to commit suicide by driving into a meeting truck. This is relatively new science.

[Linea_Norway]

I got to know a group of people and some of them don't have jobs. One works only 50% because of mental stress issues. She often gets the question of what she does for a living and answers: I'm a teacher. After that people always ask her how many percent she works. Then she says 50%, but feels very uncomfortable for having to say that, because she gets government support for the other 50%. We other have been trying to tell her that it is not any other person's business to know why she works 50%. She could just pretend to be able to afford it and be proud of it.

Another person in this group has many physical disabilities that make her very sick many days a week. This means she can't get a regular job. She has no job at all and finds this difficult. This is of course, because people know she is living on government fees.

Another guy in the group cannot do his regular job (carpenting), because of physical problems. He is also too old for companies to be attractive for hiring him in some other field. He also has trouble when people are asking him what he does.

It is a difficult question, but of course very common as a way to make smalltalk and getting to know another person. But people should not judge you because of the answer. Back on topic: When someone is not working because of early retirement by your own means, this is in my opinion something you don't need to be embarrassed about. Also not if you are too disabled to work, in my opinion. But I see that not everyone can take your message of being an early pensioner with enthusiasm. Many will be jealous or just won't be able to understand. I see for that reason that the question can be awkward to be asked. Just like the question "How are you doing", when you are not doing fine that day. Very annoying. 

[Adventine]

Wow, an excess of bacteria can actually impair not just your physical health but also your mental clarity? Amazing... horrible, but amazing.

Yes, they can. I recently read a book about intestinal bacteria that in some cases can cause people to commit suicide by driving into a meeting truck. This is relatively new science.

Fascinating... thank you for providing my Google topic for this evening. Haha

[Mr. Green]

After that people always ask her how many percent she works.

Is this a cultural thing in Norway? I can't imagine the looks you'd get in the US if you asked someone that question after they told you what they do.

[Paul der Krake]

After that people always ask her how many percent she works.

Is this a cultural thing in Norway? I can't imagine the looks you'd get in the US if you asked someone that question after they told you what they do.

Some countries have arrangements built into the labor laws where you can work at your job at a certain percentage, and the employer pretty much has to say yes. Say you do M-T-W with Th-F off, you'd be at 60%, and earn 60% of your 100% salary.

I know that Switzerland does it, I assume it's the same in Norway.

[Linea_Norway]

After that people always ask her how many percent she works.

Is this a cultural thing in Norway? I can't imagine the looks you'd get in the US if you asked someone that question after they told you what they do.

I don't think it is very common. I have never been asked this question. Maybe it's a more common thing to ask teachers.
Most women in Norway work fulltime to sponsor their expensive life, but there are also people working 80% for whatever reason. Anyway, it is no one's business how much you work and for what reason.
I think many Norwegians would be able to survive on much less than 2 fulltime jobs if they wouldn't spend so much on useless stuff as they do today. Probably it's the same in the US.

[Letj]

Probably too late to this posting, but I felt obligated to share.
After living in China for 8 years, I found myself feeling like I was constantly running into s***heads and d**ks.
But really, a lot of it is the culture.
You need to realize that a 68 year old grew up in the 60's and 70's, and built his career in the 80's and 90's.
He probably has the idea the working hard all day for someone else builds character (and it does).
Obviously he still feels the need to build his character, and he should. 
He can't imagine that you still don't need character building because you are younger than him.
Therefore he feels obligated to try to goad you back into working while at the same time justifying to himself that it is okay to spend 8 to 10 hours a day making money for the rest of us.

I think you nailed it. +1 on the cultural reason why some people say things that many in America would consider downright offensive. Political correctness and filtering what you say to not offend is not a thing in many places around the world. People in those cultures just learn not to take personally nor get offended for things that we would find offensive, for example, telling someone that they are eating too much and need to lose weight.

[jim555]

Before I FIREd I told a co-worker about my plans.  She said that I have an "obligation to society", that I needed to "contribute to society", I was too young (49 at the time).  I told her society will get by fine without me.  Most puzzling.

[Linea_Norway]

Before I FIREd I told a co-worker about my plans.  She said that I have an "obligation to society", that I needed to "contribute to society", I was too young (49 at the time).  I told her society will get by fine without me.  Most puzzling.

That's what I also expect people to think.

But the argument against it is that you will still contribute by paying taxes and perhaps also with your spare time on voluntary work. And you don't cost society anything by being a pensioner. You are providing for yourself.

[dougules]

Before I FIREd I told a co-worker about my plans.  She said that I have an "obligation to society", that I needed to "contribute to society", I was too young (49 at the time).  I told her society will get by fine without me.  Most puzzling.

It's not really contributing to society to work extra just to buy useless stuff.  All the unneeded stuff that's produced is a big drain on society if you ask me. 

[Stachey]

Before I FIREd I told a co-worker about my plans.  She said that I have an "obligation to society", that I needed to "contribute to society", I was too young (49 at the time).  I told her society will get by fine without me.  Most puzzling.

It's not really contributing to society to work extra just to buy useless stuff.  All the unneeded stuff that's produced is a big drain on society if you ask me. 

Definitely!  How many resources and energy are burned up creating junk that people use for five minutes and then throw away?  Hell a lot of the time it isn't even used at all before it is thrown out...so many times at the thrift store I find clothes that still have the tags on so they were bought by some consuming clown then tossed.  Thank goodness the person at least recycled them to the thrift.  I wonder how many just throw things in the garbage because they can't be bothered to make a trip to the donation bin.

[JG in Hangzhou]

Just like the question "How are you doing", when you are not doing fine that day. Very annoying.

It's not really contributing to society to work extra just to buy useless stuff.  All the unneeded stuff that's produced is a big drain on society if you ask me.

You two hit the jackpots. 
Let's all contribute to society by not buying useless stuff and not asking each other how we are doing...
hmmmm.
Perhaps the original poster asked that man "how are you doing?" and he was annoyed at you.

[The Happy Philosopher]

Before I FIREd I told a co-worker about my plans.  She said that I have an "obligation to society", that I needed to "contribute to society", I was too young (49 at the time).  I told her society will get by fine without me.  Most puzzling.

There is nothing (well, OK there are somethings) that drives me crazier than this argument. Taking this argument to extreme, none of us should ever stop working. If we have an 'obligation to society' then why does it magically end at 65 or whatever? If your job stopped paying but it was useful to society should you be obligated to do it for free? Society is made up of individuals who are all trying to maximize utility and happiness. Once you have traded enough time for money to satisfy your happiness you are under no obligation to continue to participate in that trade. You have earned your money and pain your taxes.

Rant over :)

[dougules]

Before I FIREd I told a co-worker about my plans.  She said that I have an "obligation to society", that I needed to "contribute to society", I was too young (49 at the time).  I told her society will get by fine without me.  Most puzzling.

There is nothing (well, OK there are somethings) that drives me crazier than this argument. Taking this argument to extreme, none of us should ever stop working. If we have an 'obligation to society' then why does it magically end at 65 or whatever? If your job stopped paying but it was useful to society should you be obligated to do it for free? Society is made up of individuals who are all trying to maximize utility and happiness. Once you have traded enough time for money to satisfy your happiness you are under no obligation to continue to participate in that trade. You have earned your money and pain your taxes.

Rant over :)

I think that's basically how a lot of people see it, although 65 has now become a magical age at which you have officially paid your dues.  I think 65 was originally just the point at which people were expected to be too run down to work.