Your impressions of "DECOMPRESSION"??

[Trudie]

Just FIREd a little less than a month ago, so am still very much in decompression mode.   I realize these are very early days.  Most people who are FIRE talk about this period, how long it takes, and what it feels like.  I'm interested in other peoples' experiences with it, how long it took, what the challenges were, and how you sorted through them.

Right now I'm okay with it, because I see how good the rest has been for my health and my relationships.  I'm more well-rested and way less stressed about getting things done. 
So far I've used this time to volunteer, work out, bake bread, catch up with friends, attend (free!) lectures and concerts, plan my veg garden, work on personal finance stuff, do some small home projects (just getting started).

Overall, I feel pretty content, but I still have doubts.  Like, the doubts creep through at times when I am physically tired or I see something specific that triggers it.  I left a job that was deeply unsatisfying at the end, and felt immense relief when I left.  Still, although I can say I'm not obsessing about it, I still sometimes have a hard time with some negative feelings about it.  How did others put this stuff behind them? I try not to think about how things are now that I'm gone and I don't "go there" with old work friends, but it was a hard place where none were appreciated and valued.  So, it leads to feelings of being "less than."  That's the core of why I left... well, other than having FU money.

And even though I've done the math many, many times I still question:  "Are we REALLY FI?"  Technically my husband still works so we can get health insurance and bridge things until he's 59 1/2 in a few more years.  We have enough retirement savings now to meet our baseline budget, and are continuing to save, albeit at a lesser rate.  And then I think, "Does the definition really matter?"  And, "Why should what others think matter???  You made a decision for yourself and your family."

And I sometimes think, "Even if you WANTED to go back to work, what would you do?"  I don't feel at all ready to think about that, although my gut tells me that at the least I would need to make a pivot.  Or, maybe I would chuck it all in and do something else completely.  And then I think, "At what point do you start making plans?"

I feel like I'm in a strange demographic.  My husband is nine years older, so I'm a young "retiree."  Many people really don't understand our situation, and I'm not sure that I do -- yet.

Anyway, I'm interested in feedback from those who have gone through this.

[Financial.Velociraptor]

It was a weird headspace. I was in partial disbelief that I had done something so counter-cultural.  I didn't discover MMM or finance blogs until well after FIRE so I was out on a limb on my own.  It took about 6 months become OK with my decision.

[ROF Expat]

I was warned before I retired that it might take a year to adjust.  It has been about 18 months and my attitudes about work and retirement are still evolving. 

My only advice is to recognize that the ability to FIRE is an incredible opportunity.  How many people have the ability to completely reinvent themselves and their lives? 

[Trudie]

It was a weird headspace. I was in partial disbelief that I had done something so counter-cultural.  I didn't discover MMM or finance blogs until well after FIRE so I was out on a limb on my own.  It took about 6 months become OK with my decision.

I am typically so conventional that it does seem odd to do something so counter-cultural.  I think that getting out during the day does help, because it does expose you to the counter-cultural crowd.

[Trudie]

I was warned before I retired that it might take a year to adjust.  It has been about 18 months and my attitudes about work and retirement are still evolving. 

My only advice is to recognize that the ability to FIRE is an incredible opportunity.  How many people have the ability to completely reinvent themselves and their lives?

It is such an opportunity and I appreciate your use of the world "evolving."  With respect to what I have done in the past (CPA, private industry) I've started to think a little differently about it.  It's quite possible that if I go back to work on a part time basis I may do something else.  Initially, after leaving my job I would think, "It will be a failure or waste if you don't do something in your current profession."  Now I'm starting to think, "I did that for fifteen years, and it was a good run.  But people change and situations change.  And it's okay to evolve."

I just think that this time away -- regardless of whether it's temporary or permanent -- will really allow me to be more self-aware.  Toward the end of my job I was really living a nose-to-the-grindstone existence.

[Trudie]

Once upon a time, I loved my job. I'd have done it for free but to my giddy delight, they paid me well to do it. Then, I transferred teams and it became hell. It felt like the workplace that you described, overworked and underappreciated. I eventually burnt out (Ok, that's putting it mildly. I developed PTSD and major depressive disorder), which led to my eventual retirement after some sick leave. The first six months or so after my retirement, I really struggled with the "who am I now", "what should I do", "what do I call myself" questions and a weird combination of envy of my former colleagues' ability to still work in a fascinating field and a visceral loathing of the working conditions. I'd love to give you a recipe for how to get rid of those feelings, but really, it was just time.

Now that you're not tied to daily tasks and people that drain you, you can do anything that you like. Try to force yourself to do things that you enjoy, even if that means agreeing with yourself that you can bring your ruminations with you in a little pouch, but that you'll go try to do the thing that sounds like fun. The only people that you meet when out playing mid-day are others who also have the freedom to play mid-day, so I expect that you'll find that there isn't much in the way of retirement police telling you that you're too young to have fun.

I'm still fairly nuts, so my daily adventures are quite tame, but they're all mine. I find a lot of inspiration in some of the other FIRE-ees like Spartana, who live unapologetic lives. As for the big questions, I'm not defining myself by a career anymore (which is terrifying for me, since it means developing self-esteem that isn't based on my utility to others). I'm Sun Hat. I do Sun Hat things. If pressed for more, I'm my dog's servant / entertainment coordinator (refusing to give nosy people more than they're entitled to is part of the fun). And it's enough (most days).

Thanks @Sun Hat.  I'm sorry your working career was such a drain on you, but you seem to be very perceptive and tuned in now.  You had me at "visceral loathing."  I still get a profound, physical reaction when I delve too deeply in my professional world.  I still have to do a bit of continuing professional education, but I re-scheduled a bunch of it and am taking FIRE-related topics (understanding Social Security) and things that are interesting to me personally, helpful to me personally, and outside the main of my old job.

I don't spend much time on Facebook and am really trying to maintain some healthy boundaries with former co-workers, but yesterday I noticed that one of my old work friends posted on Facebook that he'd had a very frustrating day and it was nice to come home to his kids and his favorite meal.  (I made that sound sexist, but it didn't come off that way to me... just that he was so grateful for his family and the comforts of home.)  All I could think was, I don't have to put up with the "very frustrating day" bullshit anymore.  I felt so good.

[Moustachienne]

For those days where you still have doubts, I recommend watching "Office Space" or "The Big Lebowski". You're not "less than", you're past that phase of your life and onto another.

++1

That's exactly how I feel.  I'm past one stage of life and on to another.  Interestingly, it doesn't feel like a linear progression but more circular.  I feel kind of like I did as a 10 year old.  Full of curiosity with no concerns about "life plans" or "what will I be when I grow up?.   Freedom!

[frompa]

Hi Trudie - I'm about ten months into FIRE and I have to say, I am surprised at how long it's taking me to get used to this new life situation, even though I was self employed, so my path to FIRE was completely within my control and intentionally incremental.  Nonetheless, I find that I continue to evolve in my attitude toward RE.  As with any challenge in life, the ways we cope and make sense of things are highly individual -- for me, I make sense of things as a writer, so I have spent much of my journal writing this past couple of years on the details of making this adjustment to... (ha ha) sleeping as much as I want, all the time in the world to cook/bake anything, taking as many long cycling trips as I want, volunteering at my favorite places, being able to read without interruption for days on end, finally having the chance to fully research my latest writing project, playing my violin for hours at a time, etc. etc. I know other friends make sense of things by talking things over with others, by painting and making collages; this is an individual thing, and by now you must know what works best for you, so I hope you are able to do whatever it takes.   
   When I look at the list of things I like to do, I think, these are all fabulous things, and yet... my sweetie and I were talking earlier today about how pleasant and comforting a routine can be.  But coming up with a routine of our own making will take time and some consciousness of what we like about our situations. 
        If work was a PIA for you, I hope you are able to give yourself the time to try out NOT work.   I have had moments of wondering how I fit into the bigger society, of missing the easy identity that a career position provided, but that’s not enough of a draw to overcome the immense relief, which I am only now beginning to realize, of not having the burden of work. 
         I second those who say, by going out and about during the day, you’ll find others who are situated similarly to you.  My sweetie and I are pleasantly surprised to see that in the last year, our circle of friends has greatly expanded.  We now have friends who are also retired, a few of them early and the same age as us, giving us the bonus of people with whom to share daytime activities.  I don't really think of these people as "counter-cultural" but as simply in a different situation from those who have rigid work schedules. 
   Time and practicing what works for you in particular, will likely make your adjustment happen.  And if you find that you really DO want to return to paid work, then go for it -- It would be silly to ignore what makes you happy just because it also involves earning money.   Good luck!

[Cassie]

It took me months but I was also moving at the time so super busy. About 7 months later I was offered a chance to teach an online college course from home which is something I had never done. 5 years later I am still doing it and love it.  I can do it anywhere with internet. When I retired at 58 people asked why I was retiring so young. Now they ask me when am I going to completely retire and I say never as long as I enjoy it but I don't work that much with just teaching one class.

[RedmondStash]

I'm about 4 months in, and honestly, I don't love the decompression. I'm a bit bored, though I also deal with some health issues that limit my energy and focus. I also feel a little isolated since I'm not getting nearly the social contact I got when I was working.

But I've made strides in addressing some health issues, and I figure eventually I'll find a new purpose that I'll find satisfying. And I do enjoy the quiet expansiveness of not having a place I have to go every day, and it's great being my own boss. Plus spending lots of time with spouse (also recently retired) has been rewarding.

[EscapeVelocity2020]

I didn't do the decompression thing as I was VERY VERY ready to do other things I had put on hold for my job. So for me it was more being able to release a huge amount of pent up desires for things I wanted to do. It was a bit frenzied for the first couple of years  but eventually settled into a more relaxed but active ER life. So I guess that was my decompression ;-).  I've never had the desire to go back to work though and the longer I'm off, the more and more I love and appreciate my ER life. I think your feelings are normal and natural though and it does seem most people just need a few months to a year to settle into their own version of ER life.

ETA: When I quit my job (which I loved) I never intended to FIRE but just to take a few years off to do all the things I wanted to do. I discovered I could FIRE a year or two into my sabbatical. So my exexperience in decompression is probably different from others who are leaving because they dislike their job or plan to pull the pull forever.

Interesting comment Spartana, reminds me of when we move to a new country on a short term (~3 year) assignment.  There is a 6 month honeymoon, just enjoying the newness and then the rush to do everything.  The locals comment that I've done more than they have and this is their home country!  But it's that same feeling of needing to squeeze it all in just in case time runs out.  And toward the end of the assignment and return to the US, I have a whole new appreciation for all the stuff I should have done and need to do in the US.  It never ends, there is just simply too much to do if you have the right mindset.  I worry that I'll never 'decompress', but I'm also enamored with the fast life.  SCUBA is my latest thing, and I'm totally addicted already. 

[Monkey Uncle]

I'm a little less than three months in, so I'm still very much in the decompression stage.  The first month or so was a bit disorienting - I felt like I needed to be doing something productive all the time, and if I couldn't come up with something for a few hours, I felt antsy, like I was wasting time. 

I've relaxed a bit now, and don't feel guilty if I sit on the couch and read for an hour or two.  I've also made it a daily priority to take a long, vigorous walk.  I was walking every day before, as that was my transportation to and from work, but it was something I squeezed in at the beginning and end of a hectic work day.  Now it is the highlight of my afternoon on most days.

I'll be starting a part-time/irregular schedule consulting gig on Monday.  I'm hoping to keep it under 10 hours a week on average.  I wish I could have waited 6 months or a year to do that, but the option of a little extra income is something I wanted to preserve, and I felt like I couldn't turn down the opportunity when it fell into my lap.  But we'll see how it goes; if it gets too onerous, I won't hesitate to break it off.

[Kay-Ell]

I'm 5 months into semi-retirement, at a very baseline level of FI.  I still do some consulting, at around 8-10 hours a week, and honestly I don't know how much longer I'm going to do it.  It's easy money, that I really do feel I can benefit from earning given the marginal level of my FI.  But, it's also keeping my head in the same old, unsatisfying, and agrivating dynamic of my old job.  I find that I dread the task of sitting down and working, and I also feel like I'm not allowed to step away from my computer once it sucks me in.  Like, somehow, my job and my computer still owns me, even though I have complete freedom to work when and where I choose. 

The last week I've been ignoring my consulting work completely and working *hard* physically on an especially challenging home improvement project.  I'm sore and sunburnt from doing work that I could pay someone else to do at 1/3 the rate that I make sittin on my butt and consulting.  And this is some of the happiest and most retired I've felt.  Which is a big indicator to me, that the 2 hours a day I spend making money that I really can use, is perhaps not as worth it as I think.

I don't know how much of this is relevant to your situation, but I bring it up because I'm coming to believe that remaining involved with my "old job" is really hindering the decompression stage.  Perhaps you are holding on to the emotional involvement of your old job to a level that is making it impossible for your brain to retire.  And maybe a few therapy sessions, or some "letting go" type self help books would help you do the emotional work needed to move past the unhealthy work environment you had.

[soccerluvof4]

As you can see by the responses already its simply different for everyone as is what they need to decompress from. I have been fire'd it will be 3 years April 3rd and immediately felt relief from not having to deal with customers and  mostly my employees and all there issues. Being fire'd though I have new stresses which I believe everyone needs some to move forward in life and the word is way overused. I am still not where I want to be but I get closer everyday and the saying that keeps me on my path is don't live each day to be perfect but to be better than the day before. You might create otherwise an idea of something your expecting that is unrealistic.

[gerardc]

I'm 5 months into semi-retirement, at a very baseline level of FI.  I still do some consulting, at around 8-10 hours a week, and honestly I don't know how much longer I'm going to do it.  It's easy money, that I really do feel I can benefit from earning given the marginal level of my FI.  But, it's also keeping my head in the same old, unsatisfying, and agrivating dynamic of my old job.  I find that I dread the task of sitting down and working, and I also feel like I'm not allowed to step away from my computer once it sucks me in.  Like, somehow, my job and my computer still owns me, even though I have complete freedom to work when and where I choose. 

The last week I've been ignoring my consulting work completely and working *hard* physically on an especially challenging home improvement project.  I'm sore and sunburnt from doing work that I could pay someone else to do at 1/3 the rate that I make sittin on my butt and consulting.  And this is some of the happiest and most retired I've felt.  Which is a big indicator to me, that the 2 hours a day I spend making money that I really can use, is perhaps not as worth it as I think.

I don't know how much of this is relevant to your situation, but I bring it up because I'm coming to believe that remaining involved with my "old job" is really hindering the decompression stage.  Perhaps you are holding on to the emotional involvement of your old job to a level that is making it impossible for your brain to retire.  And maybe a few therapy sessions, or some "letting go" type self help books would help you do the emotional work needed to move past the unhealthy work environment you had.

This. That's what I'm here to read. I got the same feeling, although some environments are slightly easier and allow you to disconnect, partly at least. In the end, I have no choice but to conclude that the work environment in this field is simply toxic. Perhaps as a group effect but the reason doesn't really matter.

[jim555]

And even though I've done the math many, many times I still question:  "Are we REALLY FI?"  Technically my husband still works so we can get health insurance and bridge things until he's 59 1/2 in a few more years.  We have enough retirement savings now to meet our baseline budget, and are continuing to save, albeit at a lesser rate.  And then I think, "Does the definition really matter?"  And, "Why should what others think matter???  You made a decision for yourself and your family."

The re-check the math thing happened to me.  Am I really FI?  Even though the numbers checked out it still took some time before I could believe it. 

[Exflyboy]

I'm almost a year in after 4 years of "false starts".. Hey I can't help it if I'm popular..:).. At least I was only doing part time gigs.

I still do the mental math a couple of times a week.. Can I really afford this (Hint.. We are pretty much living on rental income plus after tax dividends.. i.e not spending any savings at all!).

Once in a while I'll be doing something.. out on a bike ride, working on a car or shop project.. and its like 11am on a Tuesday and I sort of wake up with a start.. "WTF am I not at work?".. Oh yeah.. done with that..:)

DW quit last June and I can see her struggling a little.. Huge blessing of not working vs being at a bit of a loss.

It takes time.. and thats OK.