General Discussion > Post-FIRE

Rules for engagement rings post FIRE

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ol1970:
Ok, so maybe this isn’t the right spot for this question, but have any of you gotten engaged/married after you FIRED?  So I’m not a sheep that falls for the whole “2 months salary” bs that the jewelry industry tries to tell you you should spend, but if you don’t have a salary what type of guidelines would you experts suggest?  I struggle only because the actual money I would spend won’t make a difference in any plans since I’m 47 around 8 figure net worth and under a 2% withdrawal rate, but I want to first make sure she is happy but at the same time we are not flashy or extravagant people. Also we are very active in sports and activities so something obnoxious wouldn’t work for either of us.  I’m a big believer in the law of diminishing returns with respect to stuff like jewelry and after a certain size/$ amount it’s just kind of silly and could be detrimental.  I’m not worried about her because she’s the type who would be happy with a plastic riddle decoder ring out of a Cracker Jack box, but generally speaking what is a “proper” amount to spend to show how much she means to me and our future but at the same time not being ridiculous.  Sorry for this first world problem, but hey it’s the internet and opinions are free.

Off the Wheel:
If she's the type who would be happy with a plastic ring, stop buying into the BS that jewelry will show her (or, perhaps more a concern, the world) how much she means to you. Jewelry doesn't show that. The lifelong commitment of marriage shows that.

I am not a jewelry person. My husband proposed with a "placeholder" ring that he purchased for less than $100 because the stone was the colour of my eyes, and he respects me and our partnership enough to not make crazy decisions about me (like what I'd want to wear for the rest of my life, or whether to drop thousands of dollars) without me. Almost three years later, I still wear the placeholder ring plus a $200 wedding ring.

lizzzi:
You should talk to her and see what she's got in mind. If you want the proposal to be a surprise, and want to present her with a ring, do what Off the Wheel did, and give her some kind of "placeholder" ring. A family ring, your high school or college class ring--whatever you've got that isn't total junk...a ring with a stone that matches her eyes is a good idea. (If it were me, I'd love a ring made from metals mined on Mars, or at least the Moon...but I guess we can't do that yet. Or if it were possible to have a ring made from metal that has been up in space on a satellite or something...) I would never foist something on her that she's going to be stuck with for years to come--she has to be involved in the process. And if she just wants a simple 1-carat round diamond in a plain setting--go and pick it out together. I love my three/quarter carat diamond engagement ring, although I can't wear it much because I'm outdoors all the time--my lifestyle would destroy it. But it's a beautiful memento from my husband, who died three years ago--much love and happiness associated with that ring. (Not that it was ever about the ring--but we found a good deal, picked it out together to go with the family ring that is my wedding band, and easily paid cash.) Some people have said it is too small--well, they can kiss my toe.

Minnowstache:
I agree with the above posters - get a placeholder then ask her what she wants. If you are set on a metric though - what about a percentage of yearly expenses - as post fire i assume that is equivalent to income? So a month, or two months of yearly expenses. But do remember the whole tradition both for diamonds and the two month income metric was invented by deBeers to sell diamonds!

ol1970:
Thanks peeps!  The placeholder is the perfect idea and then let her pick out what she wants.  Totally agree it’s not about a size or number of months thing...that’s just plain dumb!

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