How to get over the feeling of having to accomplish something everyday?

[Miss Prim]

I have had an awful cold for the past few days and I just didn't feel well enough to do anything constructive.  So, I told myself it was ok to just kind of lay around and read and watch tv because I was sick and I did not have enough energy to do anything.  I actually was kind of relieved, because I always try to at least do some project or organizing everyday otherwise I feel like I'm wasting time and should be productive.

Does anyone else that is retired feel that way?  I have no trouble relaxing on vacation, but as soon as I am at home I feel like I should be doing some kind of work and it causes me some stress. 

                                                                              Miss Prim

[Frankies Girl]

The first 6 months or so I had daily lists. I felt anxious if I didn't have things to do, things to track and manage and felt bad about a day that only had 2-3 things completed. I guess it is sort of wrapped up in my identity; I was a person that worked hard and got things done, so slacking off was not allowed even in my "free" time. Sigh.

I basically had to start giving myself real permission to not do anything sometimes. So lots of talking to myself, and lots of feeling guilty for a while, but now I'm fine with being a lazy sloth on some days. Or at least doing things that you couldn't really say were measurable accomplishments... but I think letting go of schedules and to do lists and the anxiety is an accomplishment in itself.

It really is about letting go of rigid scheduling and just being in the moment and relearning how to relax and do things for fun instead of because they are next on the list or because it is important to stay productive.

After a certain point, the need to prove oneself by working hard at perceived accomplishments does start wearing off. I still make lists, but I sometimes forget to look at them for a week or two (or 3). ;)

[GrowingTheGreen]

Reading this post reminded me of myself.  Sometimes I struggle with having too many things on my plate and feeling too unproductive when I'm not producing.  I kind of enjoy it now, but I question how long I'll have the energy.

[happy]

I'm not fully retired: I'm semi-retired and struggle with this a lot on my days off.  I also alternate between totally unstructured slothfulness ( probably decompressing from my part time work on a weekly basis - at least I'm up to date with my decompressing)  and wanting to progress a to do list.  Some of the "to do" list is life maintenance stuff that needs to get done e.g. washing, cooking etc,  but some of it is a "to do " list of stuff I want to do in my retirement d i.e. fun stuff I always wanted to do. Somehow putting it on a list and trying to schedule it takes away from the whole concept of "fun stuff I always wanted to do, no pressure!.

MMM wrote an insightful post about what he calls "the nagging voices of success". http://www.mrmoneymustache.com/2012/05/21/embracing-the-nagging-voice-of-success/
Mine aren't so ingrained that I've learnt this fancy trick of embedding the link.
From what I recall somewhere he notes its a function of personality type - his wife doesn't have them.

[lizzzi]

As the old saying goes, "Don't should on yourself."

My favorite quote though is from MMM. I don't know what posting it was in, but I copied part of it out, and keep it near to hand:

"Life is not a contest to see who can accomplish the most. It is simply a series of days where your goal is to wake up, have a great time, and go to bed even happier than when you woke up."

[AdrianC]

I'm having these feelings as I transition from full time to semi-RE. I'm not bored, the days go fast, but at the end of the day I can't remember getting anything done, and it bothers me.

[Tyler]

How to get over the feeling of having to accomplish something everyday?

Practice.  ;)

In my experience, the extreme productivity instinct is bred by the corporate mindset.  It's developed by years of conditioning, and takes a while to shed.

My DW is naturally more accomplishment-oriented than I am (with or without work), but I see progress in her as well.  From my perspective, she's learning to appreciate smaller accomplishments more.  Finishing a good book and working out every day are no less commendable than finishing a big project and checking off a bunch of chores. 

I still have my days where I feel a little lazy and down.  But that's usually just a sign that I'm a little burned out on my current hobby and need to try something new. 

[Gone Fishing]

I've got a pretty long to-do list for my first few months of fire, but after that I plan on spending and hour or two every morning doing something slightly productive before I knock off completely to read or indulge my hobbies.  With kids and a farm there is always something to clean, fix, move, feed, etc.  A little productivity seems to make the fun stuff that much better.     

[katesilvergirl]

I am by no means retired, but I really love keeping official track of my free time accomplishments. I love using Goodreads to track and review what books I am reading and I always try to hit my yearly goal of fun books read. I also started keeping a list for 2016 of everything I make. So far, I've cross-stitched a Scottie dog Christmas ornament (haven't cross-stitched in years! It was silly and fun...) and knitted a black sweater. This isn't a good idea if you are a person who feels stressed about lists, but I really like keeping lists and seeing how "productive" my free time is.

[BFGirl]

I think I'd have absolutely no problem with a accomplishing nothing for a substantial period of time!

[gatortator]

I admit after I stopped working,  I suffered with this feeling as well.  That is when I remind myself of this quote..

From Age of Innocence by Edith Wharton

“...I’m sure Newland will find something to do,” May said... when she enquired how he meant to spend his afternoon, he had answered paradoxically: “Oh, I think for a change I’ll just save it instead of spending it"...

..and my brain  starts to calm down.

[Cougar]

You have to do two things and this can applying to working or fire people:
1. decide what gives you routine satisfaction and do not let anything else change what satisfies you(if you have a job, you have less control over this of course).
2. know that you will fall short routinely on on what gives you a sense of satisfaction, if you dont your goals are too low imo; and to be okay with that and know you will continue/start again the next day.

[Miss Prim]

Thanks everyone for the replies.  Cougar, I have actually been trying not to be upset if something I want to get done gets pushed to the next day.  I guess all these feeling stem from when I was working and on my off days, I had to get so much done around the house because usually I had to work the next day.  I worked every other weekend for almost 40 years (healthcare) so I only ever had 1 day off each week to get my work done at home.  So there was always that feeling that if stuff wasn't finished, I had to wait until the next day off which could be 3, 4 or 5 days later.  I was always too tired after work to do much of anything but recuperate  for the next day.

Glad to hear I am not the only one with this problem.  Really, I shouldn't be complaining at all!  I'm retired!  The only stress I should have is what I put on myself.

                                                                                          Miss Prim

[Jon_Snow]

This past January was the first time in my 16 months of FIRE that I felt like I should be doing MORE...and this feeling is persisting into February. Once the nicer weather arrives I know that things will suddenly shift and I will feel like I don't have enough hours in the day to do everything I want to do.

But I think I need to approach the post-holiday/pre-Spring period differently next year...

[jim555]

Fortunately I haven't had this problem at all.  My ambition is to have ambition.

[Vertical Mode]

Reading this thread title reminded me of Dr. Doom's post over at LivingAFi, where he chronicles his battle against this same feeling in his "Done Detoxing" post:

http://livingafi.com/2015/11/06/done-detoxing/

I'm nowhere near FIRE myself, but as work is the centerpiece of my week I feel obligated to do ALL THE STUFF on the weekend that I didn't have time for during the week. If I'm not careful, I don't leave any time for myself to recharge. I have a feeling that once I FIRE, this so-called TFB will be my #1 nemesis.

[hoping2retire35]

How to get over the feeling of having to accomplish something everyday?

Practice.  ;)

In my experience, the extreme productivity instinct is bred by the corporate mindset.  It's developed by years of conditioning, and takes a while to shed.

My DW is naturally more accomplishment-oriented than I am (with or without work), but I see progress in her as well.  From my perspective, she's learning to appreciate smaller accomplishments more.  Finishing a good book and working out every day are no less commendable than finishing a big project and checking off a bunch of chores. 

I still have my days where I feel a little lazy and down.  But that's usually just a sign that I'm a little burned out on my current hobby and need to try something new.

I doubt it is a corporate mindset. I think I am(and many others) just hard wired this way. Usually something stresses me out and I cannot really be at peace until it is taken care of.

[Rollin]

If you want to sit around and do nothing, accept that.  If you want to be more productive, accept that.  Stress is caused by resisting what is.

[tobitonic]

If you want to sit around and do nothing, accept that.  If you want to be more productive, accept that.  Stress is caused by resisting what is.

+1. Work to change what's bothering you if you don't want to accept it. All the negative stuff (stress, worry, anxiety, etc) is what comes from neither accepting the situation nor changing it.

This is all easier said than done, of course.

[matchewed]

Redefine what "accomplish" means to you.

[Holyoak]

I have always operated as I believe the Native Americans have; simply do what need be done, all else is excessive.  I love that philosophy, rather than I better be "busy", look busy, I'm lazy, what will people think, whatever...  I can go days doing seemingly very little outwardly to most folks, and not feel lazy one bit.  Everything that need be done, gets done, and the rest of the time is for me to do whatever I want, which is precisely why I ER.  Now that it is very cold out, I love filling my bird feeders in the morning, waiting for the birds to show up, listening to classical music as I enjoy watching them dine, reading/interneting/drinking delicious tea...  Is that lazy???  No, it's why I enjoy being retired at 49, because I can.   

Everyday feels like Friday night, cept there is no Monday morning to dread, or that depressing late Sunday evening feeling.  I have been sick this week too, and it's a LOT better when you don't have to worry how it would impact your job.  I will read how early retirees plan on 50 vacations a year, hiking around the world 10 times, staying "busy", "productive" 28 hrs a day...  Well, more power to them, and I wonder how much of that is like Fakebook, portraying something that is not gonna happen/putting on a front, all in the name of not looking like a lazy slug, or God forbid you aren't constantly out and about enjoying life?  I'm glad I can wile the day away doing what ever the hell I like, not being bored, and spend my precious resource of time doing as I choose, many times seemingly nothing.  As said in this thread, avoiding stress is the name of the game; how you go about it is for you to decide, and not have what others may think worth the weight of a sesame seed.

"A Samurai could appreciate the beauty of a single cherry blossom for an entire lifetime, and it would not have been a life misspent".

Going to bed happier than when you arose; not a bad accomplishment indeed.

[meadow lark]

Loved rereading the Nagging Voices of Success article.  The voices are tools that have served us well at certain times, and added stress and unhappiness at other times.  I am moving from full-time to part-time (24 hrs/wk) in 2 weeks.  My biggest goal/hoped for achievement from this change?  More happiness, joy and contentment.

[meadow lark]

Holyoak- I like your description of your days!  Drinking tea, watching the birds, reading a book and having a dog in my lap is pretty close to my vision of heaven.

[arebelspy]

Reading this thread title reminded me of Dr. Doom's post over at LivingAFi, where he chronicles his battle against this same feeling in his "Done Detoxing" post:

http://livingafi.com/2015/11/06/done-detoxing/

+1!  That's immediately what I thought of as well.

--------------------------------------------------------

Going off topic, in the opposite direction:

I have the opposite problem--never accomplishing anything!  I feel like I'm fairly alone in this, as most Mustachians' answers to that are "if you were driven enough to reach FI, you'll still be driven in FI" ...yeah, not so much, for me.

I brought it up at Camp Mustache II in a "Post FI" discussion panel last year, and Pete and everyone pretty much dismissed it.

So at least know, OP, that most Mustachians (MMM, Dr. Doom, and most the respondents here) are like you; you aren't alone.  :)

[Exflyboy]

Haha.. My Wife gets home from work and checks to see if the list on the fridge has got any shorter.

Which it usually hasn't!

[AdrianC]

Reading this thread title reminded me of Dr. Doom's post over at LivingAFi, where he chronicles his battle against this same feeling in his "Done Detoxing" post:

http://livingafi.com/2015/11/06/done-detoxing/

I'm nowhere near FIRE myself, but as work is the centerpiece of my week I feel obligated to do ALL THE STUFF on the weekend that I didn't have time for during the week. If I'm not careful, I don't leave any time for myself to recharge. I have a feeling that once I FIRE, this so-called TFB will be my #1 nemesis.

Thanks for posting that. Very helpful article. It very accurately describes my experiences over the last three months.

The transition from TFB to stop and smell the roses isn't easy.

[DoubleDown]

Going off topic, in the opposite direction:

I have the opposite problem--never accomplishing anything!  I feel like I'm fairly alone in this, as most Mustachians' answers to that are "if you were driven enough to reach FI, you'll still be driven in FI" ...yeah, not so much, for me.

I brought it up at Camp Mustache II in a "Post FI" discussion panel last year, and Pete and everyone pretty much dismissed it.

So at least know, OP, that most Mustachians (MMM, Dr. Doom, and most the respondents here) are like you; you aren't alone.  :)

Wait, I'm confused or having a reading comprehension problem... are you saying most Mustachians are motivated and will continue to be driven once they're FI, or the opposite? (maybe a poll would be fun!). Are you saying that Pete and the others at Camp Mustache were dismissive of the idea that any of us would be lazy, or dismissive of the idea that we needed to be accomplishing something all the time? I'm also not really driven in FI, so it seems there's a pretty healthy number of us around!

[arebelspy]

Going off topic, in the opposite direction:

I have the opposite problem--never accomplishing anything!  I feel like I'm fairly alone in this, as most Mustachians' answers to that are "if you were driven enough to reach FI, you'll still be driven in FI" ...yeah, not so much, for me.

I brought it up at Camp Mustache II in a "Post FI" discussion panel last year, and Pete and everyone pretty much dismissed it.

So at least know, OP, that most Mustachians (MMM, Dr. Doom, and most the respondents here) are like you; you aren't alone.  :)

Wait, I'm confused or having a reading comprehension problem... are you saying most Mustachians are motivated and will continue to be driven once they're FI, or the opposite? (maybe a poll would be fun!). Are you saying that Pete and the others at Camp Mustache were dismissive of the idea that any of us would be lazy, or dismissive of the idea that we needed to be accomplishing something all the time? I'm also not really driven in FI, so it seems there's a pretty healthy number of us around!

They claimed people driven enough to hit FIRE early will continue to be motivated to do something in ER.

I'm worried that I might just be lazy and do nothing. A lot.  :P

[acroy]

The internal nag is a blessing (there is a MMM column about it, could not find it).
Give yourself a break occasionally, but don't kill the nag.
We're on earth to get stuff done.

[soccerluvof4]

I told my I wife the other day that we are very fortunate to be fire'd as I have come to realize I am a super lazy person and love being so. I have a wall I have been putting off painting for about a month now so this morning we put it on the calendar for next Wednesday to do together. We do workout everyday and run errands but I do like TV mostly news channels and reading.  I also know i go in streaks where if I am excited about a project  I will go balls to the walls on it so I am really not lazy but not really motivated but think that too will change when spring gets here. But not stressing over it, that is the key.

[flyingaway]

My "accomplishments" are booking travels and vacations,  when I find good deals.

[MonkeyJenga]

As a lazy person who has not yet retired, I'm finding prevention to be the best medicine.

[Dicey]

Following, because I'm too lazy to write a comment right now.

[LadyStache in Baja]

I don't think its just the corporate mindset.  Nor do I think it's necessarily hard-wired (though it could be, not ready to dismiss that entirely).

I have noticed how so many blogs out there are selling the message "be more productive", how to "stop procrastinating", "be more efficient", "do more of what you really want to do" etc.  And then the whole lifestyle hacking concept, MMM included (though we love him of course), where we're encouraged to live our best life, analyze if we're really spending our life in a way that aligns with our values, live a life outside the box.

The first message is creepy.  Who is selling it?  Who wants us to be more productive?  It could sound like a conspiracy theory, but since the media is owned by a few companies, and even the blogs are written by people who are exposed to the media, it wouldn't be inconceivable for the 1% to want to inject a little productivity into the masses.

The second message could be harmful.  All this self-analysis can be paralyzing and take away from the joy of just living.  I notice how much of these thoughts come from outside myself because when I talk to my husband about our "life values" and how we really want to spend our life, it is nearly impossible since he is completely and totally unplugged from the media and the internet, and hangs out with others who are also unplugged.  He doesn't have the vocabulary or the philosophical framework.  It just makes me wonder how much of my drive to life my best life is actually mine, and not planted there by someone else!

Holyoak's message really resonates with me too.  I see my husband live like that: just do what needs to be done.  And when a person isn't thinking about what needs to be done, they are truly living it in the moment.  Everything else is in the way of the raw experience of life.

All this analysis creates guilt, as OP mentioned.  I should be doing something else.  I try to remember that I should be doing whatever it is I happen to be doing, not whatever is on my list or in the back of my head. 

I wish I had the answers.  I'm not FIRE, but I am tired of feeling guilty or less than my best self.

[LadyStache in Baja]

arebelspy this article "Done Detoxing" is perfect.  Thank you for posting.  You say you're surprised to find yourself lazier than you imagined.  How do you deal with the emptiness?

[arebelspy]

You say you're surprised to find yourself lazier than you imagined.  How do you deal with the emptiness?

Huh?

What emptiness?

[LadyStache in Baja]

arebelspy, from the article you posted, "And while you can pencil in lots of activities during that loose time, eventually you’ll catch a glimpse of the truth of it: Our so-called busyness is a massive tool of distraction, something we rely on to avoid paying attention to the sense of emptiness that most of us feel when left alone with ourselves."

OP talks about guilt at not getting stuff done.  She's not able to enjoy being un-productive, and a lot of us feel the same way.  You however say that you're lazier than you thought you'd be, and although tone is hard to catch on the internet, I get the feeling that you're ok with that!

Just wondering what you personally feel when the busyness drops away.  You don't have to call it emptiness.  What do feel?  Are you able to enjoy the texture of each moment, like the author of your article, absorbing it all like a "sponge"?  From the article: "I’m cultivating sponginess, allowing myself to soak in the world, to wonder, to experience without constantly reducing life to problems and solutions and efficiency and goals.  I’m going against the nurture of two decades of business and mainstream society, neither of which have taught me all that much about how to live with consistent satisfaction and happiness on a personal level."

[arebelspy]

arebelspy, from the article you posted, "And while you can pencil in lots of activities during that loose time, eventually you’ll catch a glimpse of the truth of it: Our so-called busyness is a massive tool of distraction, something we rely on to avoid paying attention to the sense of emptiness that most of us feel when left alone with ourselves."

Ah.  I guess I've never felt empty while alone, or particularly busy.

I'm definitely lazy in FIRE, but I was lazy before, as well. I have mixed feelings about this.

I definitely enjoy myself, all the time.

I just have the opposite problem of the OP: I'm not productive, and while I'm okay with that, I think having a little of the OP's problem (feeling like I need to accomplish something) would be useful.

[flyingaway]

arebelspy, from the article you posted, "And while you can pencil in lots of activities during that loose time, eventually you’ll catch a glimpse of the truth of it: Our so-called busyness is a massive tool of distraction, something we rely on to avoid paying attention to the sense of emptiness that most of us feel when left alone with ourselves."

Ah.  I guess I've never felt empty while alone, or particularly busy.

I'm definitely lazy in FIRE, but I was lazy before, as well. I have mixed feelings about this.

I definitely enjoy myself, all the time.

I just have the opposite problem of the OP: I'm not productive, and while I'm okay with that, I think having a little of the OP's problem (feeling like I need to accomplish something) would be useful.

I was thinking you are having a full-time (unpaid) job here on this forum. 

[arebelspy]

I was thinking you are having a full-time (unpaid) job here on this forum.

Isn't an unpaid thing you do for fun a hobby?

If I was getting paid for this, I probably wouldn't consider myself retired.  :)

[lordmetroid]

How to get over the feeling of having to accomplish something everyday?

Practice.  ;)

In my experience, the extreme productivity instinct is bred by the corporate mindset.  It's developed by years of conditioning, and takes a while to shed.

My DW is naturally more accomplishment-oriented than I am (with or without work), but I see progress in her as well.  From my perspective, she's learning to appreciate smaller accomplishments more.  Finishing a good book and working out every day are no less commendable than finishing a big project and checking off a bunch of chores. 

I still have my days where I feel a little lazy and down.  But that's usually just a sign that I'm a little burned out on my current hobby and need to try something new.

I must say you are very active yourself producing such amazing sites such as portfoliocharts.com and interviewing, writing blog posts, etc.

[Fishindude]

Nothing wrong with having the desire to get something accomplished every day, so long as it's not causing unnecessary stress.
This is pretty much the way I was raised and operate.  Always have a to do list of chores, etc.   When you've done this all your life, you get bored pretty quickly when you get stuck in the house or don't have a project to work on.

[Dicey]

...you get bored pretty quickly when you get stuck in the house or don't have a project to work on.

Unless, of course, the house is your project...

[soccerluvof4]

I told my I wife the other day that we are very fortunate to be fire'd as I have come to realize I am a super lazy person and love being so. I have a wall I have been putting off painting for about a month now so this morning we put it on the calendar for next Wednesday to do together. We do workout everyday and run errands but I do like TV mostly news channels and reading.  I also know i go in streaks where if I am excited about a project  I will go balls to the walls on it so I am really not lazy but not really motivated but think that too will change when spring gets here. But not stressing over it, that is the key.

update!- I did not paint the wall yesterday ...needed a nap. I actually am laughing at myself because geez I am lazy! actually exhausted from working out.

[YBFree]

OMG!  This has been my struggle recently too.  I love the freedom of FI, but I'm not used to so much idle time...everyday feels like Saturday to me and that makes "Saturday" feel less special.  Husband travels A LOT so I have a lot of solo time to fill.

One thing that I've done that may help others is I started volunteering in the office at a local non-profit two days a week.  It's only ~9-10 hours out of my week but does help me feel like I'm doing something of value/purpose beyond my own relaxation and wealth creation.  I'm putting those years of corporate experience to good use for a cause I care about.   Still struggling with not having much that I HAVE to do most days - the freedom is wonderful and depressing at the same time.

Anyways, check out volunteermatch dot com to find some cool ways to give back during your early retirement.  I found everything from playing with shelter kittens and then writing their adoption bios for the website (cool!) to the office job I'm doing with a cancer charity.

[Tyler]

I must say you are very active yourself producing such amazing sites such as portfoliocharts.com and interviewing, writing blog posts, etc.

True.  I've been a lot more productive lately than I give myself credit for.  ;)

When I first FIREd, I went through about a six month decompression period where I accomplished pretty much nothing of major note.  After the mental slate was cleaned, I was in a much better state to explore new ideas and opportunities.  Starting a website about asset allocation was not on my radar at all when I left my job, and if I had constantly kept myself busy with "productive" activities just for the sake of staying busy I'm not sure I would have discovered my new interest.  Sometimes finding a new passion requires stepping back and letting go of the things you used to find productive that may otherwise be holding you back without you even realizing it. 

[Cassie]

Most days I accomplish something but if I am having a lazy day I just go with it. No need to rush anymore. My house is cleaner then it used to be, I take leisurely walks with my dog and if I visit with someone when I am out no need to get home like before, etc.  If I don't feel like doing errands I don't.

[soccerluvof4]

I revert back to this thread to feel better about myself :-) I am getting more active however as the sunshine being more abundant definitely helps me. And i have lost 21lbs in the last 3 months going to the gym not being overly intense or obsessed so being lazy the rest of the time seems to be warranted! 19 to go.

[Evgenia]

I have really struggled with this and, nine months into FIRE, still do. I have a few hobbies, so that is where the pressure comes from, if so it can be called. There is always a plant to check on in the garden, or something to cook or sew, etc.

I still feel guilty about "just" reading a book, or taking a walk, but I'm working on it. Perhaps it is unreasonable for me to expect that 35+ years of programming to be a "productive" member of society can be undone in nine months.

Good luck on your journey!

[Miss Prim]

Wow!  From the number of replies, I guess this was an interesting topic for discussion.  Since I first posted this, I think I have come to terms with letting go of that feeling.  Right now, there is really not a lot to be done around the house that absolutely needs doing, but spring is coming and since I plant a big garden, I will be more than busy and will want to have some relaxing time.  I think that the feeling of "slacking" comes to me more in the winter than in the summer.  Also, a lot of projects I think I should be doing, I just don't want to do and that is where I think the stress comes in. 

Thank you for all the comments.  It gave me a lot to think about.  I am glad to know I am not alone in my feelings!

                                                                                            Miss Prim