The Money Mustache Community
General Discussion => Post-FIRE => Topic started by: Unionville on January 15, 2015, 03:19:45 PM
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I have a handful of people I've told that I'm FIRE, but a majority of people I prefer to keep this confidential. How do you deal with friends and relatives who seem mystified as to why you aren't working?
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Sometimes I just say it has been my lifelong dream to be a "kept man".
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You can always say you work from home consulting in your previous profession.
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We really shouldn't have to lie. I really am proud of what I have done and should be shouting it from the mountaintops.
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Most of my family/friends know that I'm retired so I just try not to rub it in but of course the first thing out of their mouth is what have you been up too? So I down play my free time. Then they ask about when am I going to find a job. I tell them that I'm putting it off for the spring. Which will turn into maybe the fall.
If I meet someone new then I tell them I'm a independent budget analyst and that I work from home. It's not lying because I work on my own budget ;).
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I'm not FI yet, but assuming I can keep myself from walking up to complete strangers in the street and announcing it :-), I plan to tell all but very close friends/family that I'm doing freelance work (from home, elance-style). That should explain my flexible schedule enough to keep people from wondering. (Yes, in some sense I'd rather shout it out loud, but I'm worried people will be jealous, judgemental and/or exploitative if they think I'm sitting on enough assets to be FI. Keeping a low profile with a minimal amount of lying and not making a big deal of it seems to be the way to go. And quite possibly I will do a bit of freelance work from home, in which case I wouldn't even be lying.)
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Since we are so much older then many of you here we just say semi-retired & it is no big deal.
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I've found it easier to keep quiet. I do some consulting for my previous employer so am most comfy telling people I work from home as an independent contractor on a more flexible schedule.
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Just tell them you are between jobs. That usually shuts them up pretty fast.
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Most people didn't seem to believe me and they all seemed to assume I was earning a living some other way (pole dancing, Sugar Daddy, International Woman of Mystery) because I was gone a lot right after I quit work (months at a time)
Double 0 Spartana?
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I don't have anything to contribute, but commenting to subscribe
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I am far from FIRE, but I can't imagine not working either part time (or more preferably, seasonally) doing something I enjoy and am passionate about. So I would just answer with that if I ever get the "so what do you do for a living" question. They wouldn't need to know how often I do or don't work.
I can see how this is a legitimate concern for some FIRE. People, despite themselves, get jealous and pre-judge your character so much based on what you do for a living. This is exacerbated when meeting someone new and I can't imagine having to go through the entire spiel each time.
note: I did get a taste of the raised eyebrows when I took 6 months off of full time work last year. I left my job of 5 years in insurance to spend 6 weeks in Africa, when I returned I did a seasonal gig as a tour guide at a popular theme park for 2 months, and worked part time at a zoo as a park guide. Through my side jobs and a small amount of rental income, not only did I not have to touch savings, but I added several thousand dollars to savings over the 6 months. I seemed young enough that people didn't question too much my temporary "freelance" lifestyle, but those who already knew me, like friends, family, and my former coworkers--and knew that I'm a 30 year old woman with a mortgage and a career, and not some college student on break, living the life on student loans--definitely peppered me with questions. Some asked if I was retired, did I win the lottery, how do I pay for health insurance? They were amazed lol!
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For 33 years I was the first one in, and was the guy that was counted on to pick up the slack when others went on vacations and took long weekends and lunch breaks. I was FI about 3 years or so before I semi-retired at 58 years old in Dec 2012. For the past 2 years+ I have been working about 20 hrs a week at the same place doing only the jobs I LOVE (e.g., mentoring younger staff members, etc) and only because I want to and not because I have to (Great feeling!). Last year my wife and I went to Europe for the first time (actually it was our first 1 week+ vacation EVER in 35 years together), and this year we are going back for two weeks and will also be going on a Western USA vacation for three weeks. I have also paid for both of my sons private college educations. All the vacations and educations, as well as cars and home improvements/renovations were paid with CASH. Other than a mortgage, I have never taken out a loan.
The same people I worked with for years, and who made about the same amount of money I did, are always broke, and always ask me what I do with all my free time. I tell them the truth: I sleep as long as I want, stay up until all hours of the night, go to the gym more than I used to, read everything I can get my hands on, take guitar lessons and engineering courses, work on my house and cars, go for walks for an hour or more around town, etc, etc. It doesn't bother me a bit to say I am semi-retired. In fact, I am especially proud of it when they say that "they wish they were me." I never thought I would feel this way, but I have to admit it feels good to be envied for once.
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I've been gearing up towards it. I've been telling my clan individually, as appropriate opportunities arise, that, "I'll be taking off work for a year or two." Which is the truth; it might turn out to be much longer, might not. (Starting in 3 weeks! </mountaintop-style>).
The line will change to, "Oh, between jobs," soon. And if any of the rather intensive self-directed projects I'm working on begin to look promising, maybe switch to "Self employed."
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In my country it is very difficult to understand this way of living (plans to get FIRE).
All the society is within a huge Rat Race and many households are working hard to pay off real state debts.
My mothers knows about my plan to be FIRE as soon as possible and has many doubts about this due to the mentality (the sense of the life is to work hard ....).
The real freedom is to be the owner of your time and enjoy it as much as possible. That's all.
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I am not FIRE'd yet, but since we hope to have or adopt a child in the next 5 or so years I just plan to tell people I'm a stay-at-home mom.
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I don't understand all the beating around the bush.
"I'm retired."
"But - you're only XX!"
"Yep, I saved enough during my working years to live off the interest without having to keep working."
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A little too smug.
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I don't understand all the beating around the bush.
"I'm retired."
"But - you're only XX!"
"Yep, I saved enough during my working years to live off the interest without having to keep working."
A little too smug.
EDIT: I also haven't reached FIRE state yet, so can't say that my opinion won't change.
I don't necessarily agree that this is too smug. I think it depends both on who you are talking to, AND who you are individually.
Personally, I spent the first 5 years after college earning money, saving it all, and then spending it all while traveling. Lather, Rinse, Repeat. So all of my friends became accustomed to my frugal lifestyle of saving all my money, then traveling my ass off. Now, when I tell them that I have a 7 year stretch goal to early retirement, it makes most of them laugh at me in disbelief, but they also all know that I don't F*$& around with my money/goals, and generally make good on my word.
When the discussion comes up in my work environment, it's generally in relation to how I "can't" maintain the type of lifestyle I live for the rest of my working career. I explain that no, I don't want to, and so I'm planning accordingly such that I don't have to.
My parents are supportive (they retired at 58 dad, 51 mom), but my in-laws simply don't get it and change the subject. So my experience is that it depends on who the conversation is being held with.
EDIT: I also haven't reached FIRE state yet, so can't say that my opinion/stance won't change at that time. But I suspect I'll be self-evangelizing to all my friends willing to listen.
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Not that anyone's really asked, but I'd just say we've been frugal and feel that, with care, we'll be fine, thanks.
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I didn't come up with this and I can't remember who first posted this on these forums but I plan on using Portfolio Manager / Capital Manager for TPWE. TPWE = The Perpetual Weekend Experience. Most people will hear the acronym and space out / assume I work for a small financial company.
The second I read that I instantly loved it.
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My father in law sold his restaurant and 'retired' at 41, twenty eight years ago. If/when we manage that trick ourselves there will be no issues from that side of the family.
My parents both retired at 55, and both did part time work at various random things for awhile because they wanted to. No issues there.
Friends can go ahead and envy me, I don't much care. Most of my friends would just be happy for me. Some are closer to FIRE than me and merely choose to work, others are older, make more money and couldn't be further away. If it bugs them then I will get new friends.
All hypothetical at the moment, I have a long way to go.
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It depends on the situation. An important part of my income comes from writing options so I often tell people something on the order of "I'm an equities trader." They don't need to know that maybe 85% of my income is passive and the trading is largely just because I get a charge out of the feeling that I am "beating the system" by extracting above market rate returns with low risk.
The long version when I am sometimes (oftentimes?) pressed for more is "I found the corporate grind was intellectually unfulfilling so I just stopped doing it. I have less money than before but I'm orders of magnitude happier." It comes naturally because it is all true. Usually people can accept the idea when you feed them the "less money" bone because it fits with their preconceived notion that lack of work=privation. This sometimes leads to looking at each other like we have two heads discussions where they want to know why I don't want more *stuff* and why I don't go back to work so I can *upgrade* my clown car to something more bling-bling. I tell them I discovered the magic of the word "enough." 99.9999-repeating% of the time that falls on deaf ears. Forrest Gump's mamma always said stupid is as stupid does but the Financial Velociraptor says stupid is as stupid volunteers for wage/debt slavery.
I initially went with just "retired" but people just don't believe it is possible to retire at 40 with four bedroom house and car that are paid for and to still have enough cash for necessities plus eating out and going to the movies once a week. I didn't gain anything by accusing people of calling me a liar so I just changed tactics.
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Interesting, at least to me, is that I don't get asked that often. Some friends of family likely figure I am still working. My family doesn't ask since they know I have been fairly prudent and my situation is better than theirs (i.e. not in a position to question in a negative way).
I worked in a relatively well-paying field, so retiring at 45 is not inconceivable, although most probably spent too much to do so.
But, I have twice now said "I'm retired". I don't really feel that is the case since I will likely do something else for $$ at some point.
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I'm not sure where I've been that I missed this whole "Post-FIRE" category until today...
I've been retired for 3 months now. What I find myself saying when new acquaintances ask is that I've just sold my business and am taking a "gap year". It seems to satisfy them without making anyone feel challenged.
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I tell friends and family that we're on a sabbatical. That usually leads to conversations about fun things to do. Occasionally people will talk about "going back to work when the money runs out" and I just smile and say I plan to make the most of the situation until that happens. ;)
I tell people I've just met who inevitably ask what I do that I'm a freelancer who sets my own schedule. If they ask about specific work (they generally don't) I just say I'm under an NDA but am happy to talk about old projects.
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I have trouble saying "retired" to family/friends and new acquaintances because I feel like it comes across as bragging (@46yr) about my free time and retired=rich. Neither of which I really want these people thinking of me.
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I'm not ER, but when I do I plan to simply say I'm retired.
I'll wear a pair of beige orthotics and high-waisted pants and when people are like, "What?! But how old are you?," I'll be like, 'Ha ha, thanks! I was blessed with really good genes."
(aka the Maeby Funke maneuver. "You look like you're 15." "Marry me!")
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(aka the Maeby Funke maneuver. "You look like you're 15." "Marry me!")
Hahahahahaha! That's a great strategy!
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I've been thinking about this a lot. I'm leaning towards "taking time off to enjoy life." If they push me for how long, I'll probably say something like "as long as I can, and I'll pick up contracts if money gets tight."
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My wife and I were talking about what we would say this morning, the options included stock trading, farming our small property, stay at home dad. I do like the sabbatical-might have to go back to work when the money runs out-line though.
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How about "iOS developer" and you can't talk about any details because you are under NDA
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I've just FIRE'd and working through my notice period right now (1 week to go!!) so this is quite a well-timed thread as I'm currently doing a lot of explaining ;)
Mostly I tell people I am doing a 'career change' and taking some time out for a few years first, which is not completely untruthful. I'm likely to either start my own business somehow or find some work that is genuinely fun at some point.
I've also worked for 10 years in a fairly stressful / long hours job, so having a bit of time out is not unusual between jobs - although the length of mine is a bit longer than normal! I'd just like to make sure people do not think I have 'burnt out' or anything like that, which also happens but is not my case.
I've actually been quite surprised how understanding / envious most people are. I have not had many people thinking the choice is very strange at all (with the one exception of my mother, who I'll probably never convince anyway - different generation).
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I am not FIRE-ing yet am leaving my job without another job. I, too, find people are mostly curious and envious that I can do this. One person called me "lucky." Although I did not correct her, there was no "luck" about it -- as I know you all know already.
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"I am a venture capitalist".
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Personally I really don't give a rip what people think.
I just tell them I'm retired.. (my pt hobby job notwithstanding).
Guy I was sat next to on the airplane yesterday (crusty old bugger about mid 70's) asked.. "so you got enough money to retire eh?".. I said.. "yup, I don't have kids"..:)
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When I retire next week, the truth is the easiest line: "I retired to stay home with the kids."
If the people are strangers or casual acquaintances, I'll usually mention that we live very simply (again, the truth).
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I told a lady yesterday I was a bum and didn't do anything..
Well it was funny to me at least..:)
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Funny story: Several years ago someone assumed I was on welfare. They came to this conclusion because I lived in an old apartment and was home all day.
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So all of my friends became accustomed to my frugal lifestyle of saving all my money, then traveling my ass off.
Me too! Looking back I'd say that I've been semi-retired all my life. :)
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I think it's best not to frighten people, so I am all for the white lie. I still work for my employer about 5 hours a week, so I say I work remotely. "Consultant" plus your area of expertise works. "Writer" works. One of my friends tells people she is an economist for the World Bank. Absolutely no one knows what that is, so no questions are ever asked. I used to tell people that I was a financial planner, since I have a CFP(R), but they always wanted to hire me, and I don't want to be hired.
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I am not FIRE-ing yet am leaving my job without another job. I, too, find people are mostly curious and envious that I can do this. One person called me "lucky." Although I did not correct her, there was no "luck" about it -- as I know you all know already.
I got this too -- mentioned to just one of my coworkers what I'm really doing (only guy I'm really close to at work) and he said: You are lucky. I found myself biting my tongue and tried to explain I can do this because of a decade plus of careful decision making and planning and he had trouble digesting it. Luck implies a lightning-bolt style event jettisoned you out of work. Not the case.
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I am not FIRE-ing yet am leaving my job without another job. I, too, find people are mostly curious and envious that I can do this. One person called me "lucky." Although I did not correct her, there was no "luck" about it -- as I know you all know already.
I got this too -- mentioned to just one of my coworkers what I'm really doing (only guy I'm really close to at work) and he said: You are lucky. I found myself biting my tongue and tried to explain I can do this because of a decade plus of careful decision making and planning and he had trouble digesting it. Luck implies a lightning-bolt style event jettisoned you out of work. Not the case.
"Thanks, my plans have worked out extremely well."
Someone else here came up with that, but I think it's a perfect reply as it acknowledges gratitude and re-focuses away from luck. I think most people don't actually mean that you're only in this position because of luck, but really don't know what else to say as it's hard for them to grasp. And since there is always at least some luck involved, it's okay to accept that with a "thanks".
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>>"Thanks, my plans have worked out extremely well."
I have a feeling that my plans to use that line in the future will work out extremely well.
Thanks for posting this.
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I am not FIRE-ing yet am leaving my job without another job. I, too, find people are mostly curious and envious that I can do this. One person called me "lucky." Although I did not correct her, there was no "luck" about it -- as I know you all know already.
I got this too -- mentioned to just one of my coworkers what I'm really doing (only guy I'm really close to at work) and he said: You are lucky. I found myself biting my tongue and tried to explain I can do this because of a decade plus of careful decision making and planning and he had trouble digesting it. Luck implies a lightning-bolt style event jettisoned you out of work. Not the case.
"Thanks, my plans have worked out extremely well."
Someone else here came up with that, but I think it's a perfect reply as it acknowledges gratitude and re-focuses away from luck. I think most people don't actually mean that you're only in this position because of luck, but really don't know what else to say as it's hard for them to grasp. And since there is always at least some luck involved, it's okay to accept that with a "thanks".
I'm guilty of this I think. I say lucky all the time in many situations where it is obvious that hard work was involved. I don't mean to imply that luck was the only factor. I mean it as 'Congratulations, I'm happily envious of your current situation'.
Also, I like this... "Thanks, my plans have worked out extremely well."
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Today, at DS's swim 'gala', a woman new to the island asked if we, like she and her husband, came here for work. I answered 'yes'.
She asked 'Who do you work for?'
I answered, "Well, now, no one. We came here with a company called <company name> but stopped last summer. Now we're living off of savings."
She stared at me for what felt like an eternity.
At long last, I felt I needed to give an out, so I asked about her story.
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I am not FIRE-ing yet am leaving my job without another job. I, too, find people are mostly curious and envious that I can do this. One person called me "lucky." Although I did not correct her, there was no "luck" about it -- as I know you all know already.
I got this too -- mentioned to just one of my coworkers what I'm really doing (only guy I'm really close to at work) and he said: You are lucky. I found myself biting my tongue and tried to explain I can do this because of a decade plus of careful decision making and planning and he had trouble digesting it. Luck implies a lightning-bolt style event jettisoned you out of work. Not the case.
"Thanks, my plans have worked out extremely well."
Someone else here came up with that, but I think it's a perfect reply as it acknowledges gratitude and re-focuses away from luck. I think most people don't actually mean that you're only in this position because of luck, but really don't know what else to say as it's hard for them to grasp. And since there is always at least some luck involved, it's okay to accept that with a "thanks".
Does any FI person actually give a shit that someone thinks it was luck? What do you want, a medal?
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Does any FI person actually give a shit that someone thinks it was luck? What do you want, a medal?
I don't even get out of bed unless I get a gold star.
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Does any FI person actually give a shit that someone thinks it was luck? What do you want, a medal?
I don't even get out of bed unless I get a gold star.
I'd prefer a Bozo button
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I dont see this being a problem as i tell most people right now i plan to not work very long. I have always lived on the frugal side and i don't think may people will be surprised when i retire. I will probably just get the "but what do you do" questions at that point that will get annoying.
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Well, shit! I used to think that lack of stress and good planning made me look younger than my age. I must be sadly mistaken because when I say I'm retired, I never get any crap from anyone. I suspect it has to do with my delivery and not my appearance, although I may be wrong about that last part. When I use the word retired as it applies to my very own self, I can't help but say it with a big smile. I mean a big old shit-eatin' grin. I'm so happy to be retired that I think my joy stops the questioners dead in their tracks.
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When I use the word retired as it applies to my very own self, I can't help but say it with a big smile. I mean a big old shit-eatin' grin. I'm so happy to be retired that I think my joy stops the questioners dead in their tracks.
:D
That is awesome!
I have a coworker who is retiring next month. I have no idea how old she is, but she's nowhere near usual retirement age. I wouldn't be surprised if she was on this forum. I overheard someone talking to her about it last week.
"Well you don't look 65!"
"I'm glad to hear that, because I'm not there yet!"
"What are you going to do"
Her response was long, but basically maybe contracting a bit, helping out daughter with her new company, etc.
It made me smile and it made me wonder if that was just her stock response to dodge the FI truth.
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One of my coworkers is 59 and retiring with the company's latest retirement offer. She has been telling people that the numbers lined up. She sometimes expands the explanation to say that her and her husband are ready to move back to St. Louis where they're from.
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My wife told me I should tell people that I am a private money manager.
I love it!
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My wife told me I should tell people that I am a private money manager.
I love it!
Jacob at ERE mentioned that phrase, too. I like it but would be loathe to have to elaborate (that my only client is a thousandaire... Me!)
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My wife is calling me a stay at home dad now....it's not a big deal I suppose when you don't really care what other people think.
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It was not luckily at all. Retiring early is a discipline that you can choose to do or not to do. Just because someone else didn't want to choose this path, doesn't mean it doesn't exist.
When someone asks me why I don't do things that are normal like drive to work everyday in my car, I explain to them what I am doing and they look at me like I have two heads. I guess this attitude doesn't change even when you retire. Wow.
2nd that.
still 3 years away myself, but i watch the golf channel daily as its one of the last channels left that isnt full up with women anchors made up more like hookers, people with tatoos, obscenities and the general decline of western civilization.
golfers look like retiress imo. they play about 4 days a week, practice a couple of hours and have the rest of the day to do whatever or nothing. i could do that easily.
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I just say I am semi-retired. If something comes along that makes sense perhaps I will look into it but for know my wife and I want to enjoy our kids and are willing to give somethings up to make that happen. I always seem to get a positive response to that. And its the truth.
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We are selling Amway and it's just not going very well.... LOL.