Author Topic: Do any of you flat out lie about keeping a job?  (Read 9682 times)

Daisy

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Re: Do any of you flat out lie about keeping a job?
« Reply #50 on: March 19, 2019, 08:48:43 PM »
I have some friends that I do active stuff with such as paddling and cycling that know I am retired. Some of them are too, although at more "regular" retirement ages. They are very healthy and active. They are very happy I am retired and can "play" with them. We can take mid-week paddling and camping trips and they know they can count on me. One of my friends from this group is in her mid 50s and says she would like to do what I do but she has pension golden handcuffs at work. Many times when we are all in a group she laments that she is the only one with a job and can't do the mid-week stuff with us.

I recently changed dentists to a former grade-school colleague of mine. At my first visit 6 months ago, I told him I was on a sabbatical or possibly early retirement "if I can pull it off". At my last visit a few weeks ago, he asked "are you even looking for a job?". I said no, that I was trying early retirement.

Both he and the dental hygienist said they had never met anyone as relaxed as I was and attributed it to not having a job. That made me happy to hear.

We are trying to plan a grade school reunion soon, so I won't be able to keep my early retirement a secret now that I let him know...oh well...

To strangers, I try to avoid the subject. I usually use the term sabbatical when I am talking of my travel plans and at some point they say "how do you have time to travel so much?".

sol

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Re: Do any of you flat out lie about keeping a job?
« Reply #51 on: March 19, 2019, 09:39:35 PM »
@sol, if you look anything like your avatar,

I don't look anything like my avatar, which is why I think it's funny.

Linea_Norway

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Re: Do any of you flat out lie about keeping a job?
« Reply #52 on: March 20, 2019, 01:24:15 AM »
Both he and the dental hygienist said they had never met anyone as relaxed as I was and attributed it to not having a job. That made me happy to hear.

This confirms my suspicion that working (in a job) can be bad for your health. It is for mine at least.

Good for you that you are so relaxed, even at the dentist office.

soccerluvof4

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Re: Do any of you flat out lie about keeping a job?
« Reply #53 on: March 23, 2019, 06:53:04 AM »
@sol, if you look anything like your avatar,

I don't look anything like my avatar, which is why I think it's funny.


Based on your avatar I would go with Former MMA fighter or Wrestling Coach! haha

Exflyboy

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Re: Do any of you flat out lie about keeping a job?
« Reply #54 on: March 28, 2019, 02:23:22 PM »
When people ask me what I do I say "Nothing, I am a leech on society"

Of course then I get the No, really what do you do? To which I then just tell them I'm retired.

I find no need to lie.

Bloop Bloop

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Re: Do any of you flat out lie about keeping a job?
« Reply #55 on: March 31, 2019, 05:36:54 AM »
When people ask me what I do I say "Nothing, I am a leech on society"

Of course then I get the No, really what do you do? To which I then just tell them I'm retired.

I find no need to lie.
I know this is petty but I think that revelling in the fact that you are an unproductive spud would be one of the best parts of FIRE.

I mean, the whole point is to stop working so you can enjoy your life. Why then hide it? Sure, maybe hide it from people who you think will just leech off you. But why hide it from randoms? I intend to say "I am unemployed by choice."

Gremlin

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Re: Do any of you flat out lie about keeping a job?
« Reply #56 on: March 31, 2019, 07:26:29 PM »
@sol, if you look anything like your avatar,

I don't look anything like my avatar, which is why I think it's funny.
...but if you DID look like your avatar, surely you'd state that you don't look anything like your avatar!

Reminds me of Monty Python somehow...

Exflyboy

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Re: Do any of you flat out lie about keeping a job?
« Reply #57 on: April 02, 2019, 05:14:32 PM »
Oooh another answer if you're shy..

"What do you do?".. I'm afraid I can't tell you.

"Why".. Its a secret.

"No really.. why".. You really need to stop asking..:)

We actually had dinner with a Chinese official and of course I HAD to ask the question.. Those were the answers I got.. He paid for dinner BTW..:)

sol

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Re: Do any of you flat out lie about keeping a job?
« Reply #58 on: April 02, 2019, 07:08:02 PM »
I told a new lie about my retirement a few days ago.  Sort of.

I was volunteering with a local conservation group to clear invasive blackberries from a local park, and most of the folks there were retired because it was at 10am on a weekday.  One of the guys and I were chatting, and he asked me what I do.  I told him what I used to do, but that these days I'm retired (which is true) and then his wife chimes in with "Oh you don't look old enough to be retired." and I just said "Oh, you're too kind!"

So I basically I just let them assume that I'm older than I look.  It's only a lie of omission, I guess, but instead of lying about what I do for a living I just sort of lied about my age.  That seemed to quickly resolve any further questions.  Suddenly I was just another retiree like everyone else there, albeit one with more hair than usual.

Linea_Norway

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Re: Do any of you flat out lie about keeping a job?
« Reply #59 on: April 02, 2019, 11:54:56 PM »
I told a new lie about my retirement a few days ago.  Sort of.

I was volunteering with a local conservation group to clear invasive blackberries from a local park, and most of the folks there were retired because it was at 10am on a weekday.  One of the guys and I were chatting, and he asked me what I do.  I told him what I used to do, but that these days I'm retired (which is true) and then his wife chimes in with "Oh you don't look old enough to be retired." and I just said "Oh, you're too kind!"

So I basically I just let them assume that I'm older than I look.  It's only a lie of omission, I guess, but instead of lying about what I do for a living I just sort of lied about my age.  That seemed to quickly resolve any further questions.  Suddenly I was just another retiree like everyone else there, albeit one with more hair than usual.

:-)

That is what a friend of mine now does when someone asks her the work question. She is disabled, but not in a way that you can see it on her, which can lead to unnecessary reactions. To prevent being met by prejudices, she now says she is retired. She is in her fifties, but I guess one could think she is a very young looking person in her 60-ies.

meteor

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Re: Do any of you flat out lie about keeping a job?
« Reply #60 on: April 05, 2019, 03:55:33 PM »
I've been FIRE about 5 years and find the easiest thing to say (which is 10% true) that I do freelance work at home.

davisgang90

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Re: Do any of you flat out lie about keeping a job?
« Reply #61 on: May 03, 2019, 06:52:10 AM »
I grew a long beard after I retired from Uncle Sugar's Navy.  That helped make folks think I was older than I really was.  Didn't realize how much older it made me look until I shaved it off.

Adam Zapple

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Re: Do any of you flat out lie about keeping a job?
« Reply #62 on: May 04, 2019, 12:45:47 PM »
If someone is reacting negatively about your financial independence, is that someone you want to be friends with? Confused or curious is ok, but if they shut you out or act super jealous, its not the kind of positive energy I want to be around.

This is exactly what I have been thinking while reading.  Seems like a great way to quickly decipher whether or not someone is "friend material.". I am not one for a lot of small talk anyway and don't like talking to people I have no interest in forming a friendship with so maybe I'm a weirdo.  I don't care if people don't like me either, especially if it is because I have been successful.

MandalayPA

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Re: Do any of you flat out lie about keeping a job?
« Reply #63 on: May 04, 2019, 01:03:48 PM »
I just say I'm a writer, which I am.  When I'm asked (constantly) what I write, my answer is "whatever they pay me to write about."  I don't add that I do it mainly for pocket money.  :)

Cabaka

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Re: Do any of you flat out lie about keeping a job?
« Reply #64 on: May 10, 2019, 03:36:56 PM »
I'm not there yet but I think I will go with the old money way of discussing what you do- talk about your interests and hobbies particularly those involving volunteering or easy to discuss topics.

not there yet either, probably 1 to 2 years away; but I've been lying for 8 years now and using work as an excuse to accomplish personal goals and that's going to continue post-fire; so i'm going to have to lie about a job to keep pursuing those goals. fire is no retirement for me, just a shift of goals to mine from someone else.

Bloop Bloop

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Re: Do any of you flat out lie about keeping a job?
« Reply #65 on: May 10, 2019, 07:34:17 PM »
If someone is reacting negatively about your financial independence, is that someone you want to be friends with? Confused or curious is ok, but if they shut you out or act super jealous, its not the kind of positive energy I want to be around.

This is exactly what I have been thinking while reading.  Seems like a great way to quickly decipher whether or not someone is "friend material.". I am not one for a lot of small talk anyway and don't like talking to people I have no interest in forming a friendship with so maybe I'm a weirdo.  I don't care if people don't like me either, especially if it is because I have been successful.

+1

Why be so bashful/coy about your success, particularly when most people's success on this forum is built on sound planning and sensible decisions? Just own it. Own it absolutely. Don't boast about it, but don't shy away from it or make excuses for being successful. Anyone who starts emanating negative energy about that can then be cut from your life, so that you surround yourself with enablers rather than disablers.

Trifele

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Re: Do any of you flat out lie about keeping a job?
« Reply #66 on: May 12, 2019, 05:25:57 AM »
I FIREd three months ago at 51, and haven't lied to anyone.  We live in an affluent area of the south, and there are enough non-working rich folks around that I think people just assume I'm one of them.  And yes -- I think my age helps.  If I was 30 years old I can imagine getting some questions, but maybe not even then?  Folks here might just think it's rude to ask.

My whole family is 100% on board, as many of them are FIRE-ees as well haha.

The closest I've come to an uncomfortable conversation is with my former co-workers when I run into them.  I timed my FIRE to coincide with a layoff (fantastic stroke of luck).  I didn't trumpet it about at work that I was actually retiring, so many former co-workers are feeling sorry for me, assuming I haven't been able to find another job.  I just tell them I'm having fun at home, working on all the things I didn't have time for before.  And then I get the pitying looks.  Shrug, whatever.   

 

Avanbuiten

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Re: Do any of you flat out lie about keeping a job?
« Reply #67 on: May 25, 2019, 11:49:36 AM »
People may think you are either a drug dealer or involved in a gang/ crime syndicate. They may stop talking to you because either they are scared or disapprove of crime as a means to make money. Or they may think you are living off state benefits (if you are in UK).

clifp

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Re: Do any of you flat out lie about keeping a job?
« Reply #68 on: May 26, 2019, 04:25:30 PM »
I wouldn't lie to have a fulltime job. But I would mention doing some consultancy business.

I have told FIL about our FIRE plans, as he has a FIREe himself for some decades. He responded very understanding to it and thinks it will be good for us. I am not sure what my mother will think. So I think I will mumble about the consultancy thing, and about sabbaticals.

For the first 10 years of retirements, I'd tell casual acquaintances that I was semi-retired and did financial planning consultancy.  It was partly true, I managed my mom's finances and I did give financial advice to some  ofmy friends and my sister's friends. Not mention lots of folks on early-retirement.org and even few people here :-).  Around age 50, I just went with the simple "I'm retired."

FIREstache

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Re: Do any of you flat out lie about keeping a job?
« Reply #69 on: May 26, 2019, 06:30:54 PM »
I'm over 50 and can't image lying about being retired.  It's not unusual for government workers to retire in their 50's, although, I was never a government worker, but still, not everyone works until the FRA of 67 or beyond.

FLOW

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Re: Do any of you flat out lie about keeping a job?
« Reply #70 on: May 26, 2019, 06:54:31 PM »
TLDR: As long as you're extraordinarily interesting, like Malkynn and Sol, go ahead and be honest about your retirement.  For the rest of us, get lying. :)

FIREstache

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Re: Do any of you flat out lie about keeping a job?
« Reply #71 on: May 27, 2019, 10:44:25 AM »
For the rest of us, get lying. :)

You do you.  I have no reason to lie.

Villanelle

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Re: Do any of you flat out lie about keeping a job?
« Reply #72 on: May 27, 2019, 11:07:50 AM »
If I had to lie to my friends about that in order to avoid judgement and snark, they likely wouldn't be my friends any more.

There are two situations where I can see why I'd even consider lying.  The first would be to lie to very specific family members (since you can't really un-family someone like you can unfriend someone else).  Trying to avoid or lessen attempts at money grabbing from family might tempt me to lie, though I don't know that I actually would, and given that if I did, I'd need to get other family members on board with lying on my behalf, it seems even less likely.

The second would be if I just don't want to engage someone, so if a relative stranger (who is likely going to stay that way) asks when I do, I might lie.  Actually, as I type this, i realize I have done this.  I'm not sure if I'm retired.  (DH still works and I quite my last job to be a trailing overseas spouse, and now that I'm back in my home country I'm not sure what the future holds.) When we were rental hunting, several agents asked me what I do, and it was easier to just say "I'm a writer" than to explain.  And it's not a lie, exactly.  I writer is someone who writes.  The fact that I'm not currently paid to do it doesn't change that.  This lie was told for simplicity's sake, and to someone I will likely never see again. 

Imma

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Re: Do any of you flat out lie about keeping a job?
« Reply #73 on: May 27, 2019, 11:23:05 AM »
People may think you are either a drug dealer or involved in a gang/ crime syndicate. They may stop talking to you because either they are scared or disapprove of crime as a means to make money. Or they may think you are living off state benefits (if you are in UK).

I lived off savings for a while and most of my family assumed I was living on benefits, which they strongly disapprove of. I'd wondered why everyone was ignoring me until my godmother 'confronted' me. I said no, she didn't believe me. We haven't spoken in years but I've heard she's still convinced I was lying.

At that time I was recovering from serious illness on my own dime, I'm now back in a well paid job. I'm glad I took the time to recover & wouldn't have been ashamed to claim benefits if I had qualified. This is exactly what they are meant for.

bluebelle

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Re: Do any of you flat out lie about keeping a job?
« Reply #74 on: May 27, 2019, 12:39:49 PM »
I plan to tell people I am a private wealth asset manager.  Which will be true.

This is exactly what I would say. I have a very limited client list. (Sotto voce) Me.

"How do I generate business?  Strictly word of mouth referrals.  (Sotto voice) My husband said he was okay with me handling all the money."
Love it!

Malkynn

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Re: Do any of you flat out lie about keeping a job?
« Reply #75 on: May 27, 2019, 12:44:54 PM »
TLDR: As long as you're extraordinarily interesting, like Malkynn and Sol, go ahead and be honest about your retirement.  For the rest of us, get lying. :)

But...I'm not even retired...

Trifele

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Re: Do any of you flat out lie about keeping a job?
« Reply #76 on: May 27, 2019, 12:57:48 PM »
TLDR: As long as you're extraordinarily interesting, like Malkynn and Sol, go ahead and be honest about your retirement.  For the rest of us, get lying. :)

But...I'm not even retired...

Easy to be honest about that then . . .

spartana

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Re: Do any of you flat out lie about keeping a job?
« Reply #77 on: May 27, 2019, 11:06:33 PM »
People may think you are either a drug dealer or involved in a gang/ crime syndicate. They may stop talking to you because either they are scared or disapprove of crime as a means to make money. Or they may think you are living off state benefits (if you are in UK).
Or if you're a younger single childless woman who lives alone in a paid off house in a HCOL area they assume you must earn a living as a hooker, a stripper, or have a rich sugar daddy. Or you took your ex hubby for everything he had if divorced.

I didn't lie about working when I first FIREd but did say I was taking about 5 years off work to do other things while younger - which was true - and that's I planned to go back to work eventually - which was not true. But about a year in I got so much flack from some really unexpected people that I started to say I worked from home or while travelling. 

UndergroundDaytimeDad

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Re: Do any of you flat out lie about keeping a job?
« Reply #78 on: May 30, 2019, 10:31:45 AM »
I start with the lie of omission, as I did just this morning.  Was at a class with my toddler and a parent I don't really know said it was really nice that I got to be here with my oldest son and my wife was out with my youngest.  That led to questions about what she does (may go back to work because she loves it), then wondering how I am around while she is off work with an infant in addition.  "Yea just taking some time...I enjoy this time with him.....yes it is really nice".  Eventually people get confused/annoyed (confoyed ? new word to combine the two?), they go silent in bewilderment and you just move on. 

Like @sol I give funnier answers, typically if a person starts out from an aggressive footing.  Older guy asked me point blank what I did.  Said I was a financial planner, assassin, and a contract software developer.  After a brief pause for effect, "I'm just kidding, I'm only two of those things."

To anyone worried about how people will treat you.  My experience is if the person doesn't immediately jump out at you as a potential casual friend/acquaintance, your radar should tell you they will take your FIRE status poorly.  I learned to be coy about it the hard way.  Other parents of young kids are even more likely to judge you negatively as they are juggling kids just like you, but without you having that money struggle, the resentment can be felt in the air if you divulge the truth.