Discipline vs. Freedom in retirement

[Optimus Primal]

Thoughts on balancing freedom versus a disciplined regime post FIRE?

     

[benjenn]

Hi.  Speaking as someone who has been retired for one year (exactly as of yesterday), as well as someone who had a very demanding job for 27 years and almost no unplanned free time for just as long (or so it seemed), I can tell you that retirement and the freedom that comes with it is AMAZING!  :)

DH and I both made lists of things we wanted to do in retirement before we retired.  I'm not sure we've even referred back to those lists in the last year.  LOL.  I should go look for them and see how well (or not well) we've done.

We have probably both gone on tangents where we got temporarily obsessed with something -- DH on projects around the condo, me with reading excessively...but you know what?  That's okay.  When you're retired, you can do that, at least for a few days and it's no big deal.  Our days are completely unstructured.  Each day we wake up and say "What are we going to do today?"  Some days we have ideas right away, other days we just go with the flow and see what comes along.  When it's rainy or the weather is otherwise bad, we might put together a jigsaw puzzle or play board games most of the day...or take a nap...or binge watch something on Netflix.

Give yourself some time to decompress.  It took us a few months, seriously.  The first few weeks felt like we were on vacation because that's all we had to compare it to.  It was a few months before we started really sleeping well and quit thinking about work all the time.  But it happened and we haven't looked back.  Neither of us has been tempted to keep up the insane pace we had before because, with all the time in the world, you just don't have to.

So look forward to all the things you want to do one you retire and then enjoy them fully.  I think you're in for a big surprise once you find out how wonderful it really is.  :)

Best of luck to you!

[arebelspy]

I think each person needs to decide for themselves on the balance between freedom and discipline, and be happy with what level they choose.

Hunter S. Thompson had a great letter to a friend where he talks about the differences between "floating

http://www.lettersofnote.com/2016/07/your-type-is-dime-dozen.html

An excerpt:

And indeed, that IS the question: whether to float with the tide, or to swim for a goal. It is a choice we must all make consciously or unconsciously at one time in our lives. So few people understand this! Think of any decision you've ever made which had a bearing on your future: I may be wrong, but I don't see how it could have been anything but a choice however indirect—between the two things I've mentioned: the floating or the swimming.

My choice will not be your choice, and that's okay.  The important thing, IMO, is to think deliberately about it, decide, and go with it, and be happy with yourself and your choice.  Be willing to change, but be happy that you did what you did while you did it, whether that's something, or nothing.

[Rollin]

Question for the early retired folks out there--how do you balance discipline vs. freedom in retirement?

I am in the process of leaving my demanding corporate life and I am worn down.  My MO for at least 20 years has been constant self improvement but that's taken its toll and one of the reasons I am retiring is to slow down.  On the other hand I have creative projects and capabilities I want to work on, health and fitness goals, and a whole list of things I want to get better at (e.g., guitar playing, beer brewing).  Not to mention raising two small children and keeping a household in partnership with my wife.  I clearly have more things I want to do than I possibly could do so the temptation will be to overschedule and keep up some kind of insane pace.  There is also the countervailing risk of getting sucked into reading blogs all day or whatever.  But as I sit here today I think I need to be careful not to overschedule, especially as I decompress from the last 20 years.  I think I'll schedule a few things to do religiously but also leave time for loafing (away from the internet).  I may also schedule specific windows of screentime for myself to prevent being sucked into that--I don't want to burn my life away on the internet. 

What do folks think?  How many of you are more like monks following a strict monastic schedule versus loafers soaking in the world?  How do you balance that?  Any tips from folks who have already been through this?  I suspect this topic may have been covered a few hundred times before--any threads I should read?

I expect my balance will come from doing only one thing at a time, doing it at my pace, doing it until I feel satisfied with the project or outcome, and walking away when I have had enough. In other words, not pushing a long list of things day to day, and only getting to them in a half-ass sort of way. Another thought is that whatever I am doing is the right thing. Not looking forward all the time. Just observing the moment, then the next once it shows up. Breathe!

BTW - let me know when you start that beer brewing and guitar playing, as I can be a pretty good friend in those circumstances ;)

[happy]

I think each person needs to decide for themselves on the balance between freedom and discipline, and be happy with what level they choose.

Hunter S. Thompson had a great letter to a friend where he talks about the differences between "floating

http://www.lettersofnote.com/2016/07/your-type-is-dime-dozen.html

An excerpt:

And indeed, that IS the question: whether to float with the tide, or to swim for a goal. It is a choice we must all make consciously or unconsciously at one time in our lives. So few people understand this! Think of any decision you've ever made which had a bearing on your future: I may be wrong, but I don't see how it could have been anything but a choice however indirect—between the two things I've mentioned: the floating or the swimming.

My choice will not be your choice, and that's okay.  The important thing, IMO, is to think deliberately about it, decide, and go with it, and be happy with yourself and your choice.  Be willing to change, but be happy that you did what you did while you did it, whether that's something, or nothing.

I love the float with the tide vs swim to a goal metaphor.
I'm not fully FIREd, but work 3 days a week (I define that as semi FIRED) in a high stress position. When I not at work I either over do it with scheduling jobs/stuff, or completely decompress and potter around.  I then wind up again to go to work. When I'm veging out sometimes I worry that without work I won't have a schedule to discipline me. However when I have a few weeks off, (and a couple of years ago I took 9 weeks off,) I find I vege out for a while ( what we call decompressing), maybe a week or so, but then gradually I start to pick up some sort of rhythm based on life outside work. How "structured" you end up I suspect depends on your life stage/responsibilities/personality.  And as Rebs says will be different for everyone. I think its OK to let it evolve naturally.

[arebelspy]

I love the float with the tide vs swim to a goal metaphor.

Indeed. I thought about it a bit more after I posted, and realized that right now I'm floating with the tide, and very much enjoying it, after having swum for a goal for quite a bit. 

I won't float forever, I have some other goals I will swim towards, but right now, I'm enjoying floating.  :)

It's not an "either/or" where you make a choice and are stuck with it.  But it's a good metaphor to use to think about which you want to do for now, and then accept that (and not stress about how you're lacking discipline, or whatever).

[happy]

Agreed...you can change from one to another or end up somewhere in between. Personally I'm happiest I think, with some sort of gentle rhythm  in my life, neither completely floating or swimming, and I think I will naturally move to that when fully FIRED. But its quite possible I could get fired up by something particular idea or activity and find a goal I want to swim to, or equally have a period where I just float.  I identify with MMMs "nagging voices of success" concept, so more likely to swim if anything.  But when fully FIRED, it won't matter!

[Metric Mouse]

Question for the early retired folks out there--how do you balance discipline vs. freedom in retirement?

I am in the process of leaving my demanding corporate life and I am worn down.  My MO for at least 20 years has been constant self improvement but that's taken its toll and one of the reasons I am retiring is to slow down.  On the other hand I have creative projects and capabilities I want to work on, health and fitness goals, and a whole list of things I want to get better at (e.g., guitar playing, beer brewing).  Not to mention raising two small children and keeping a household in partnership with my wife.  I clearly have more things I want to do than I possibly could do so the temptation will be to overschedule and keep up some kind of insane pace.  There is also the countervailing risk of getting sucked into reading blogs all day or whatever.  But as I sit here today I think I need to be careful not to overschedule, especially as I decompress from the last 20 years.  I think I'll schedule a few things to do religiously but also leave time for loafing (away from the internet).  I may also schedule specific windows of screentime for myself to prevent being sucked into that--I don't want to burn my life away on the internet. 

What do folks think?  How many of you are more like monks following a strict monastic schedule versus loafers soaking in the world?  How do you balance that?  Any tips from folks who have already been through this?  I suspect this topic may have been covered a few hundred times before--any threads I should read?

I expect my balance will come from doing only one thing at a time, doing it at my pace, doing it until I feel satisfied with the project or outcome, and walking away when I have had enough. In other words, not pushing a long list of things day to day, and only getting to them in a half-ass sort of way. Another thought is that whatever I am doing is the right thing. Not looking forward all the time. Just observing the moment, then the next once it shows up. Breathe!

BTW - let me know when you start that beer brewing and guitar playing, as I can be a pretty good friend in those circumstances ;)

Well put. I think the half-assed approach is a great way to frame it.  If I want it, I'll get it. If I decide once I'm doing something, or working towards something, that it isn't as interesting as something else, put it down.  There are no penalties in FIRE, and no score, either.  Live in the moment and embrace the freedom.  Too much structure will lead to missed opportunities that could be seized even though they didn't make the 'list' for that day.