Author Topic: Did anyone's longtime friendships change after you retired?  (Read 1015 times)

vine

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    • Noodles & Fish
I'm about two years into retirement and am noticing that my relationships with some of my longtime friends are starting to grow weaker. Of course relationships are always evolving, but it seems like the difference in our lifestyles (retired vs still working) is responsible for a lot of this gap. These are people I've known since high school or even longer.

Is anyone else experiencing this? And if you are what are the long term implications?

FINate

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Re: Did anyone's longtime friendships change after you retired?
« Reply #1 on: July 16, 2017, 11:14:27 PM »
The composition of my relationships has changed post-FIRE. I have a lot more free time which generally gets spent with my wife, kids, parents, and other people with time to spare and/or flexible schedules. So in my case I wouldn't characterize it as longtime relationships getting weaker per se - I spend about the same amount of time with them ever (which is very little). But by comparison it feels like they are more distant than before.

No idea of long-term implications, not really worried about it. As you point out, this stuff is always evolving.

Fishindude

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Re: Did anyone's longtime friendships change after you retired?
« Reply #2 on: July 17, 2017, 08:50:57 AM »
Yeas, many of my long time friends of the same age (57) are still working, just getting last of their kids out from under roof, paying down the mortgage, paying for weddings, etc. and don't have the free time or money.   I've found myself spending more time with a little bit older friends who are already retired.    If i want to take off fishing for a few days mid week, the retired guys can do it easily.   

Woodshark

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Re: Did anyone's longtime friendships change after you retired?
« Reply #3 on: July 17, 2017, 03:38:48 PM »
Yes, but for two reasons. In our mid 50's we both retired and moved away from the town we lived for 25 years AND most of my old friends are still working.

onewayfamily

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Re: Did anyone's longtime friendships change after you retired?
« Reply #4 on: July 18, 2017, 01:14:08 AM »
We had a couple of rare instances where people (who earn a lot more than we ever did) seemed to get jelous and start making a lot of snarky comments about how 'not everyone can just own a bunch of apartments' and things like that, as if we were just handed all of our investments, and didn't start from literally zero after University and build it up from scratch.

But they were the rare outliers - most of our friends are supportive and all know varying degrees of detail depending on how comfortable we think they'll be with it.

But eventually it becomes clear to everyone you interact with basically that you're not living a normal life - hints like always being in relaxed or workout clothes, always travelling, always spending time with the kids etc. - they build up over time.

Friends can come and go, nothing wrong or unnatural about that. Just stay around the positive people and limit the negative.
We FIRE'd at age 28 (me) and 29 (Mrs. OneWayFamily) and are now trying to travel to every country on Earth - it takes longer with 2 toddlers!

If you'd like to keep track of where we're at - check out our photos @ Instagram or our lame attempt at a blog at onewayfamily.com