who here doesn't have kids but wants them or never wants them?

[FuckRx]

i'll start, no kids, not planning on having any, 35 years old.

[smalllife]

No kids, not having any.  Don't like them, don't want them.

[jfer_rose]

35 years old. Would like kids but haven't yet met someone I want to have kids with, so it may never happen. I do like the idea of being a foster parent someday though.

[Spork]

no kids, no plans for kids.

[footenote]

I'm 55 and husband had two from previous marriage and did not want to start a second family. I said... "Ok."

Many choices in life are life-or-death for some people, but "meh" for others. Kids were my "meh."

[ichangedmyname]

33, no kids, no plans to have any but I love kids.

[grantmeaname]

No kids, plans on having a whole gaggle of them.

[Russ]

no kids, "meh" on plans. I have plenty of other just-as-important things I want to do with my life and would be content just being the cool uncle.

Probably will end up raising somebody for at least part of their life though, just because that's how it goes for most people. May or may not be their biological dad.

[Spork]

I feel like I have to comment on how much I love your username.  I told my wife there was a "hotforbacon" on MMM and she said "You're leaving me for her, aren't you?"   (She's a bit of a smartass.)

[Frankies Girl]

Wanted a bunch of kids, can't have any. Having to figure out what my life should be like with something like that not being part of the equation now.

[impaire]

36, no kids, no plans to have any. Love them in general but was "meh" on them for myself--and my husband is a big fat no. I'm focusing on being a great aunt and teacher to avoid any lingering regrets.

My backup plan is cat lady (I "kid").

[Kriegsspiel]

I'm way too awesome to let my genes die with me.

[geekette]

Tried, failed spectacularly several times, dealt with it, having a good life without them, although we're worried our cats won't make good old folk's home choices for us.

[Jamesqf]

No kids, don't really want them.  Unless maybe I could get them at around the age of four...

Oddly enough, I actually like kids (and they seem to like me), just as long as I can hand them back to the parents when I'm tired of them.

[boy_bye]

i'm 40, no kids, and don't want any. my dad and stepmom had a bunch when i was a teenager, and the crib was in my room, so i did my baby time already. no interest in doing it again.

i really do love kids -- they are effin hilarious. i just like to go home where it's quiet after i hang out with them. :)

[Kristin]

No kids yet. Currently 30, and wife is 33.  We plan to start trying in about a year once we get a couple financial goals squared away.
I definitely think it was right for us to wait until our early 30's because we have had time to travel and pursue education/career goals.  We are definitely far more stable now than we were 5 years ago.

[NinetyFour]

52 year old female here.  No kids, no plans to have/acquire any. But never say never.

[DocCyane]

45 years old. No kids and never wanted any. No regrets. Don't think I would have been a good parent.

[matchewed]

Have to second the "meh" category. I don't mind the idea but no real desire for them. If I end up with kids, cool, if not, cool.

[pachnik]

49 year old woman.  No kids of my own, never wanted to be a parent.  Would not have been a good parent.

[marty998]

No kids, but would like 2 or 3, perhaps more. 1 essential pre-req is missing :)

I'm actually quite surprised by all these (non-statistically valid) responses.

Just generally had the assumption that kids bring so much joy and meaning to life. Comments like "don't think I would have been a good parent" I find quite sad. You're never going to know what sort of parent you will be until you are one, and a lot will also depend on the personality of your child too.

Anyway, I'll get down from my soapbox now.

[Ipodius]

No kids yet, but my wife and I are definitely keen to have. Would also seriously consider adopting.

[nikki]

27 year old female here: absolutely do NOT want kids EVER.

Let's ask my hormones the same question in a few years, though. I hope my reasoning prowess wins that debate.

[Adventine]

When a friend asked me this question a couple of years back, I said, "I don't want kids. I want to spend all my money on MYSELF!" Still haven't changed my mind.

[KMMK]

Don't have kids. Decided at 14 that I didn't want kids, and never changed my mind. I don't mind other people's kids. I had my tubal ligation done about a month after I got married, when I was 31. Haven't regretted it.

[smalllife]

I'm actually quite surprised by all these (non-statistically valid) responses.

Just generally had the assumption that kids bring so much joy and meaning to life. Comments like "don't think I would have been a good parent" I find quite sad. You're never going to know what sort of parent you will be until you are one, and a lot will also depend on the personality of your child too.

Anyway, I'll get down from my soapbox now.

You do realize how degrading and dismissive that is right?  Not everyone likes or wants kids, just like not everyone likes peanut butter.  It's not sad for someone to have spared a child the experience of a parent who didn't want them or for whom parenthood is torture, it is a decision made with all contingencies taken into account.  Just like it takes a lot of insight to overcome the mainstream thinking about financials, so too does it take a lot of strength and introspection to overcome the media baby craze.    Kids don't always bring joy and meaning, for small and very real segment of the population kids would be the end of their joy and life's meaning.  Just because you don't feel the same doesn't mean you get to stand on a soap box a tell us that we are missing joy and meaning in our lives.

[hybrid]

+1.  Have raised two kids.  For all the great moments it's really hard, very expensive, and not everyone is cut out for it.  If someone says they don't feel like they are up to being a parent, kudos to them for being honest about it.  It's not something you are supposed to do (well, some religious folks may disagree there), it should be something you want to do.  There are plenty of folks that want large families.  To each their own.

[Spork]

I'm actually quite surprised by all these (non-statistically valid) responses.

Just generally had the assumption that kids bring so much joy and meaning to life. Comments like "don't think I would have been a good parent" I find quite sad. You're never going to know what sort of parent you will be until you are one, and a lot will also depend on the personality of your child too.

Anyway, I'll get down from my soapbox now.

You do realize how degrading and dismissive that is right?  Not everyone likes or wants kids, just like not everyone likes peanut butter.  It's not sad for someone to have spared a child the experience of a parent who didn't want them or for whom parenthood is torture, it is a decision made with all contingencies taken into account.  Just like it takes a lot of insight to overcome the mainstream thinking about financials, so too does it take a lot of strength and introspection to overcome the media baby craze.    Kids don't always bring joy and meaning, for small and very real segment of the population kids would be the end of their joy and life's meaning.  Just because you don't feel the same doesn't mean you get to stand on a soap box a tell us that we are missing joy and meaning in our lives.

I was one of the "don't have em, don't want ems above...  I don't find it degrading and dismissive.  I just think marty and myself (and you) hold different things as important.  Just because marty finds it sad I don't think I would be a good parent (and I don't) ... doesn't mean I find it sad... and doesn't mean I hold anything against marty for feeling that way.  It just means our priorities in life are different.

But... like marty, I was a little surprised there were so many of us "don't want 'ems" around.  Just like the INTJ thing... It seems like there is a serious mold-breakage here.  I'd love to hear some phsycobabble mumbo-jumbo explaining that... not that I'd necessarily believe it... It would just be entertaining to hear.

[Cromacster]

26, Married, no kids and have no plans to have kids (wife is the same)

I do have a dog though.  I consider him and future dogs to be my children (yes I am one of those people)

[MsSindy]

46 and no kids.  When we first got married, we wanted kids and tried for a very brief time because, well, that's what "everyone did".  But then we started actually talking about it, and our personalities, and the practicalities of raising kids, etc., we decided that unless we were totally "over the moon" about having kids, we probably shouldn't.  We confessed that we were both in the "meh" category about having kids.

We both like kids (we're the cool aunt & uncle), but we tend to like things peaceful, orderly, and without any stress, and kids tend to be anything but that!  So, no regrets for us, it was the right decision.

[Mr.Macinstache]

I never wanted kids until I met my wife and had them... now I can't imagine being without them. With that, I love mine to death, but honesty I can't stand most other people's kids.

My son is 6, he came downstairs and told me, dead serious, "Dad, Mom is friggin driving me crazy... I mean... she is friggin nuts!".

It always seems like the people who want them, can't have them. And too many of those people who have them, treat them like they're unwanted. That's why I respect people who are honest enough to admit they don't want kids IF they don't have them.

My sister in law is anti-kid. Except she has 2 and admitted she would have been "fine" with just having dogs. She said that in front of her grown kids. What a (&*@#$.

[GuitarStv]

32 and one kid on the way (December due date).

For the longest time I hated the idea of having kids.  Still don't really like babies, I'm a little better once the monsters become sorta human and start to talk.  In the last few years, now that I've got a stable job, a house mostly paid for, good savings, a comfortable routine . . . I kinda feel like we're as prepared as we'll ever be.  It will be exciting . . .

One is definitely enough though.

[Elaine]

In a long term relationship, I've never wanted kids (not even a little) and neither does he. I've known I wouldn't have kids since I was a kid myself, just never appealed to me in the slightest.

[expatartist]

For years I didnt want them, then I kind of did, then i really did but with reservations. Not over the moon at the idea of babies, I prefer kids once they're in primary school (I have 4 younger siblings and did more than my share of babysitting neighbourhood kids too) but would regret not trying. And DH is keen on the idea of kids, so we're trying during the limited amt of time I've got left.

So, for us, if we manage to have a kid in the next year, ok. If not, we'd happily adopt an older kid in a few years.

[rubybeth]

32, no kids, no plans to have any. DH and I like being childfree but aren't militantly anti-kid. I like my little cousins and friends' kids, but they are a lot of work.

[Fletch]

24, no kids and no plans to have any. I'm used to the dismissive "you'll change your mind" comments, but for many of the reasons listed above, don't ever see myself going more above "meh". Everyone is better off if only the people who truly want children are the only ones having them, and my condolences to the people who want them but are unable.

[Nate R]

28, married 7 years. No kids. No plans to have any. I've always been "meh" about it, wife definitely doesn't want any. I'm OK with that. There's pros and cons to having and not having.

[Zaga]

33 and DH is 45, with no kids or plans for kids, had the hubby snipped (his idea!) 5 years ago.  We do have 17 neices and nephews though, so whenever we want to spend time with kids we're all set!  I do worry about 2 of them, and would happily offer to take them if their parents at some point couldn't keep them anymore, most likely due to health problems (of the parents).

[EMP]

I'm way too awesome to let my genes die with me.

....And this is why I have a baby at home.  She's awesome too.

[grantmeaname]

But... like marty, I was a little surprised there were so many of us "don't want 'ems" around.  Just like the INTJ thing... It seems like there is a serious mold-breakage here.  I'd love to hear some phsycobabble mumbo-jumbo explaining that... not that I'd necessarily believe it... It would just be entertaining to hear.

Presumably most people in their thirties or older want kids have them. The title of the thread is asking that only people who don't have kids respond, so very few of the people who have kids (and wanted them) responded. If you look at the people who have responded, it's people who are too young for kids, people who wanted kids but can't have them, and people who don't want kids. The entire group of people who want and have kids is absent from the thread, though, because OP didn't ask them to post. I think it's just selection bias based on what the OP asked for, not anything unusual about the community.

[Spork]

Presumably most people in their thirties or older want kids have them. The title of the thread is asking that only people who don't have kids respond, so very few of the people who have kids (and wanted them) responded. If you look at the people who have responded, it's people who are too young for kids, people who wanted kids but can't have them, and people who don't want kids. The entire group of people who want and have kids is absent from the thread, though, because OP didn't ask them to post. I think it's just selection bias based on what the OP asked for, not anything unusual about the community.

That actually makes more sense than "we're all alike in some way." 

[ace1224]

31 with the partner for almost 11 years now.  one kid he's 9 next week. 

going for gut wrenching honesty i probably shouldn't have had kids and if i could go back in time i would have stayed home sick on the night of conception.  i love my kid and would die for him but i dislike being a parent.  i'm lucky that my beloved is amazing at it and loves it and was a sahd for years.  but yeah.  i'm done.   

[totoro]

Have kids and would have had more if I'd started early.  Didn't start earlier because I never wanted kids until I met their dad.  It is not for everyone but the family bond is worth the work for me.

[olivia]

32, no kids, no plans to have any. DH and I like being childfree but aren't militantly anti-kid. I like my little cousins and friends' kids, but they are a lot of work.

Ditto this, I'm also 32.  I have 9 nieces and nephews so I have a pretty good idea of all the work involved.  Not sure I want to sign up for that myself, but never say never.

[FuckRx]

But... like marty, I was a little surprised there were so many of us "don't want 'ems" around.  Just like the INTJ thing... It seems like there is a serious mold-breakage here.  I'd love to hear some phsycobabble mumbo-jumbo explaining that... not that I'd necessarily believe it... It would just be entertaining to hear.

Presumably most people in their thirties or older want kids have them. The title of the thread is asking that only people who don't have kids respond, so very few of the people who have kids (and wanted them) responded. If you look at the people who have responded, it's people who are too young for kids, people who wanted kids but can't have them, and people who don't want kids. The entire group of people who want and have kids is absent from the thread, though, because OP didn't ask them to post. I think it's just selection bias based on what the OP asked for, not anything unusual about the community.

agreed! but it's good to know there are some women out there who don't want kids, i've had a hard time meeting them though.

[OzzieandHarriet]

55-y-o woman here, don't have kids, would probably have had one or two if I'd met someone nice when I was younger + had been more emotionally mature. But those are two big "if"s, and now the option has passed. I'm from a family of five children; mother really wanted us but father was definitely "meh," and it affected us all deeply in terms of self-esteem (or lack thereof). I think both parents need to be totally committed to raising children with full attention for the happiest outcome.

I have five nieces and nephews and nine greats -- don't have very close relationships with any of them, though nothing overtly negative, either -- so the family genes are well-represented, FWIW.

I believe not everyone is suited to having children; some of us communicate better with the younger generation in other ways, as teachers, mentors, terrible examples, etc.

[HappierAtHome]

26 (today!!), long term relationship, really really want kids. In that way that really hurts your chest and stomach because you want it so much.

BUT I am also very concerned about having them because I have babysit enough to know how hard it is when it's 4am and the baby won't stop crying. As someone said above:

we tend to like things peaceful, orderly, and without any stress, and kids tend to be anything but that!

This is my concern. Both the BF and I are easily stressed and prefer our home environment to be a peaceful, tidy sanctuary. And babies are not compatible with that :-(

So... planning on them, but if it works out that we can't have them, I know there will be definite benefits to being childfree, just as there are both benefits and sacrifices to having children.

[killingxspree]

I'm 22, so far from needing to decide anytime soon... but whether to have kids or not has been on my mind for a long time. On the one hand I really want to have them and have wanted them since I was about 16. I'm not sure I trust that feeling though. I still have mixed feelings about my own upbringing this makes me harbor doubts about the nature of my desire for children. What if I only want them to fill a void? What if I later decide I hate the inconvenience, responsibility and stress they provide? My partner would rather not have them for that reason but every time I care for  kids I think I could do this its not so bad but I haven't been doing it day and night for years so I can't say really tell if it's ok in the long run.
I'm not really sure what we'll end up doing when we can afford to have them.

[Eristheunorganized]

28 year old female, no kids no plans to have kids. In addition to finding infants annoying and terrifying, very bad mental illness runs close to the surface in my family. Ruined my childhood.

So, I might foster. I know what's it's like to have a fucked up life, I may be able to help. Biologically though? Unlikely.

[marty998]

I'm actually quite surprised by all these (non-statistically valid) responses.

Just generally had the assumption that kids bring so much joy and meaning to life. Comments like "don't think I would have been a good parent" I find quite sad. You're never going to know what sort of parent you will be until you are one, and a lot will also depend on the personality of your child too.

Anyway, I'll get down from my soapbox now.

You do realize how degrading and dismissive that is right?  Not everyone likes or wants kids, just like not everyone likes peanut butter.  It's not sad for someone to have spared a child the experience of a parent who didn't want them or for whom parenthood is torture, it is a decision made with all contingencies taken into account.  Just like it takes a lot of insight to overcome the mainstream thinking about financials, so too does it take a lot of strength and introspection to overcome the media baby craze.    Kids don't always bring joy and meaning, for small and very real segment of the population kids would be the end of their joy and life's meaning.  Just because you don't feel the same doesn't mean you get to stand on a soap box a tell us that we are missing joy and meaning in our lives.

oh dear...I was deliberately trying not to be dismissive. I got down from my soapbox long before writing  "all people who don't want kids have something wrong with them", which seems to be how you've interpreted it.

I'm giving my opinion on what kids would mean to me. If you have a different view, then that is ok.

cheers