my mom is in the end stages of her disease, she is on a Palliative Care program. We had combined households in the hopes of me being more easily to care for her. Then a year ago I got sick and get worse, not better. Ugh, I feel like I say this crap a million times, but if I don't then the rest of the post makes zero sense!
anyway, for $50 (6 plays), we can see the whole season at a small city rep theater. My mom and I love this. She gets dragged out of the house for so much medical care, she's exhausted. She is exhausted after the play but loves them! She has never missed one no matter how sick she is.
so my seizure meds and some med I can't recall, were increased last week. I feel like utter shit. I'm foggy and oversedated feeling, confused at times. Friday, I was thinking how the hell am I going to get us to that play? She should not be, but at least she can drive. Then I have to be able to lift her wheelchair out of the car and roll her across one street, then sit for 2 hrs. There is no way in hell, I'm gonna pull this off, but I refuse to not take her, this is our "thing".
Next day comes, my parents were in the LR. My mom was out of bed? They ask to talk to me. My mom starts crying. OK, seriously, you don't do this to a kind of confused person who fakes horribly that she is fine. obviously they are not about to tell me good news, so spit it out. I am sure that my mom has decided to stop the drug that keeps her alive, once stopped she will be gone in 2 weeks. I am totally not ready for her to do that but I would support her no matter what.
My dad says no matter how badly I want to, I cannot go with my mom to our play. They know I am trying, (mom cries louder) but I am not well at all and it would be grossly unsafe. She is going with a friend and she assures me this is fine with her.
Quiet. Then I say, "I thought this would be our last one but never guessed it would be because of me." And it ends up ok, she had fun and that is what matters. But damn it, I wanted one last time to go. And she is not giving up that med so it's a win-win
She and I were coherent at the same time for once this morning, lol, I went and laid down on the other side of her bed. we had a good chat, she told me it was the "best play" she ever saw (she says this just about every time, lol), that I would've loved it and started crying (OMG she cries so much, for good reasons and bad, but it kills me when she does it). And I said it's ok because I read the book and loved it (total lie, do not even know if it is a book, lol). She was quiet, kind of patting my head like I'm 5, then said, "how did we end up here?" I told her I did not know, it's been surreal, like it's happening to other people. She agreed. I told her, she knows me, I'm a fixer, a dog with a bone. She said, "I can't be fixed." "Maybe not fixed, Superglued?" I held her hand and she looked at our hands and said we are lucky and I said yes, we are. I wipe her tears. Nice tender moment and then....
...."OMG, I let Buddy out at 5am and he wouldn't come in and then I fell asleep!" OMG, he is a runner, he will dig under the fence and he has 4 hours on me, as opposed to the usual 4 seconds. The only way to get him back is to drive around, open the door, say, "Wanna ride?" and he gets in. Otherwise, its game on! I have not driven in 9 months, other people have used my car, I can't find the keys. I'm all choked up after my mom and if Buddy has been gone 4 hrs, I'll never see him again, kinda crying. I'm searching the kitchen for my keys. Hear a familiar paw on glass. Buddy sitting at attention, waiting to be let in.
I go to show my mom he's home, she is sound asleep. She is right, we are lucky.