What's the best (non-financial) advice you ever received?

[Adventine]

Couple of ground rules to make it more interesting:

- No money-related advice. That's what the rest of the forum is for.
- No advice from other forum members. That's what this consistently excellent thread is for: "The best post I saw today on the Mr Money Mustache forums was..."

I'll start. The best advice I've ever received: "If you really want to do something, you'll always find a way. If you really don't want to do something, you'll always find a reason."

I've translated this from the original Filipino, "Kung gusto may paraan, kung ayaw may dahilan."

It's applicable to pretty much every important life choice I can think of.

[Kris]

It’s better to be alone than in bad company.

[Rubic]

"Envy is a really stupid sin because it’s the only one you could never possibly
have any fun at. There’s a lot of pain and no fun. Why would you want to get
on that trolley?"

- Charlie Munger

[Metalcat]

From Therapy:
-"Mentally healthy people don't do that"
Basically, question any and all behaviour as to how it affects your long term mental health. Deeply question the worthiness of any behaviour that causes emotional damage.

-"Behaviour today trains you for how you behave tomorrow"
Meaning, if you allow yourself to tolerate an indignity today, you will be more and more comfortable in the future to suffer the same indignity. You have to be incredibly protective of what you allow to build up in your past, because behaviours always generate patterns.

-"Most people are not optimally physically or mentally healthy"
Consequence being? Society pushes everyone away from mental and physical health. You have to swim upstream to protect and foster both.

-"Most of what you believe about yourself is bullshit social pressures you internalized as a child"
It's scary how what most of us feel are our solid "core" values are actually just external pressures we learned to believe are important between the ages of 7 and 11.

-"Talk to your inner child. Have actual back and forth conversations"
You will understand why and how you behave and how you feel much, much better if you go to the source of where they came from.

-"Pressuring yourself to do something is not the same as prioritizing it"
Actual priorities are the things we find easy to do. If you struggle to get something done, the problem is that it's *not* actually a priority.

From a very happily, long married couple, each of whom had been married multiple times before:

-"Don't date anyone you don't feel privileged to know"

-"Don't date anyone who doesn't feel privileged to know you"

From a mentor, who stole some of this from 7 habits:

-"It's far more rewarding to be respected than to be liked"

-"Train people how to respond to you, and train them how you will respond. As long as they respect you, then once they're trained, everyone around you will adapt and feel comfortable with your behaviour, no matter how atypical"

-"Making the right enemies can sometimes be more useful than making the right friends"
Meaning, if you take on someone in power that everyone else hates, even if you lose, you may forever gain regard for having taken them on at all. The enemy of my enemy can often be a far more powerful ally than a friend.

And this is a bonus one from me because I tell it to myself often:

-"If you don't look back on your own past with embarrassment, you haven't grown enough as a person"
It's a privilege to look back at yourself and cringe.

[Queen Frugal]

As a new lawyer in a big firm tasked with defending insurance companies from paying claims, I attended my first deposition. The other attorney walked all over me and my witness. He came across as a royal prick. After the deposition, he approached me in the parking lot and warmly welcomed me to the practice of law. I realized his behavior during the deposition was just part of his game. He encouraged me to stop working for the big bad insurance companies.

He said, "You know the problem with defense attorneys? They don't stand for anything."

I never could get that statement out of my head. 3 years later, it helped give me the courage to walk out of that firm to do work I believed in. Several partners secretly commended me for leaving and said they would too if they weren't so tied to the money. That "prick"? He eventually became a decent friend.

[Steeze]

"You always have time for the things you make time for."

[Papa bear]

It’s hard not to have fun when you are fun!


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[BNgarden]

You don't have to believe your thoughts everything you think. (oops)

[John Galt incarnate!]

Couple of ground rules to make it more interesting:

- No money-related advice. That's what the rest of the forum is for.
- No advice from other forum members. That's what this consistently excellent thread is for: "The best post I saw today on the Mr Money Mustache forums was..."

I'll start. The best advice I've ever received: "If you really want to do something, you'll always find a way. If you really don't want to do something, you'll always find a reason."

I've translated this from the original Filipino, "Kung gusto may paraan, kung ayaw may dahilan."

It's applicable to pretty much every important life choice I can think of.

I was told, or I  read, that Abraham Lincoln said "I never met a man who couldn't teach me something and what he taught me was what I should not do."

Whether  Lincoln said this or not they are words  I've heeded. Over and over again, I've seen the long-standing, life-altering consequences of the wrong choices so many other people make and avoided doing the same thing they did to their detriment.

This is the reason that the knowing of one's own mind is crucial to  their happiness and contentment for that knowledge of self engenders a steeliness that serves them well in times of  consequential, potentially life-altering decision making.

[John Galt incarnate!]

"No matter how storied a prosecutor's record of convictions may be they will always be remembered for a malicious prosecution."

This admonition  applies to life in general: Regarding their reputation, all the good one accomplishes and is known for  may be negated  by their commission of an appalling wrong.

[OtherJen]

As I was finishing up grad school: "Perfect is the enemy of done."

Otherwise: "You don't like everyone. Why do you think that you need to make everyone like you?"

[Ladychips]

You are responsible for your own actions.

[Jtrey17]

It’s hard not to have fun when you are fun!


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True!

[jeninco]

As I was finishing up grad school: "Perfect is the enemy of done."

Otherwise: "You don't like everyone. Why do you think that you need to make everyone like you?"

The first one I learned as an undergrad, along with "there is no finished, only turned in" for the perfectionists.

I really like the second one! I think I'll use it...

[big_owl]

In life you only get one trip around the merry-go-round.  Make the best of it because you don't get another.

[MudPuppy]

Great thread! Hard to choose an absolute best, but here are some good ones:

You only get one back, take care of it.

Only boring people are bored.

Just because you have a feeling doesn’t mean you have to do anything with it.

Edit to add one of my personal favorites, even if it’s not the objective best:

A candle loses nothing by lighting another candle

[foghorn]

Two that I follow/watch for in the business world are:

"Consensus is the negation of leadership".  Attributed to Margaret Thatcher, but maybe used by others as well.

I use this to judge the leaders in companies where I have/do work.  When it is time to make a tough decision, will they do it - or is there a lot of seeking out others and their opinions?  Eventually a decision needs to be made and they get the paycheck to do it.


"Success has a thousand fathers and failure is an orphan". Attributed to JFK, but maybe used by others as well.

It is fun to watch people jump on board something that went well and they look for some way to associate themselves with it.  Conversely, these same people will run away from something that failed and be sure that someone else gets noticed for the failure.

[RetiredAt63]

Mine are old but still good.

You only get one chance to make a good first impression. 

My Dad's advice when I left home for university, good advice still:
Don't smoke, don't get drunk, don't get pregnant.

My Mom would have flipped if she had heard him, hers would have been "Don't smoke, don't drink, don't have sex." Dad's was much more realistic, and liveable.

[Freedomin5]

Integrity is more important than being respected or liked. It doesn’t matter if others respect/like you if you don’t respect/like yourself.

Treat others the way you want to be treated. (Golden Rule)

At the end of the day, you are nothing - just a tiny temporary speck in the universe- and your current problems are meaningless.  Don’t stress so much about the little details of your life. Just focus on enjoying and passing each day peacefully and happily. (From Ecclesiastes)

Do not worry about tomorrow; each day has enough worries of its own. (Book of Matthew)

If you want to feel better about yourself and your situation, help someone less fortunate than you.

If you’re going to complain about a problem, you also need to give a potential solution. It is better to light a candle than to complain about the darkness.

When disagreeing with someone, try to find the “kernel of truth” in the other person’s position.

[Just Joe]

Get an education. Compliment that with skills. Learn something new every day.

[LennStar]

There is always someone stronger than you. And there is always someone looking worse on their ID than you.

Being bored is just a lack of concentration.

[rudged]

From Therapy:


From a mentor, who stole some of this from 7 habits:

-"It's far more rewarding to be respected than to be liked"

-"Train people how to respond to you, and train them how you will respond. As long as they respect you, then once they're trained, everyone around you will adapt and feel comfortable with your behaviour, no matter how atypical"

-"Making the right enemies can sometimes be more useful than making the right friends"
Meaning, if you take on someone in power that everyone else hates, even if you lose, you may forever gain regard for having taken them on at all. The enemy of my enemy can often be a far more powerful ally than a friend.

I presume by "Seven Habits" you mean Stephen Covey's The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People" (?) If so, I have to share I don't see the connection of any of these to his book.

[lazycow]

Nobody waves, but everybody waves back. Be the person who waves first.

I think Vonnegut wrote this but can't find where.

[Metalcat]

From Therapy:


From a mentor, who stole some of this from 7 habits:

-"It's far more rewarding to be respected than to be liked"

-"Train people how to respond to you, and train them how you will respond. As long as they respect you, then once they're trained, everyone around you will adapt and feel comfortable with your behaviour, no matter how atypical"

-"Making the right enemies can sometimes be more useful than making the right friends"
Meaning, if you take on someone in power that everyone else hates, even if you lose, you may forever gain regard for having taken them on at all. The enemy of my enemy can often be a far more powerful ally than a friend.

I presume by "Seven Habits" you mean Stephen Covey's The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People" (?) If so, I have to share I don't see the connection of any of these to his book.

Covey has a whole section about respect vs being liked in 7 habits, and my old mentor was a big Covey fan. I had listed a few others that I'm pretty sure he got from Covey, but I guess in editing the post, they didn't make it the cut.

[Steeze]

“You only get one chance to do it right the first time”

“No one said it would be easy”

“If it was easy then everyone would do it, and we wouldn’t be standing here talking about it because no one would care”

[Chris22]

My dad has never been good at, or attempted to, giving specific advice. But he taught me something in a roundabout lead by example way. A few years ago, I saw it stated succinctly and effectively: ”Your attitude is what makes the difference between an ordeal, and an adventure.”

[MM_MG]

Do not believe anything you hear and only half of what you see. 

[Samuel]

The single best:
- Life begins at the edge of your comfort zone

Honorable mentions:
- There are no solutions, only tradeoffs
- "Every action you take is a vote for the kind of person you want to be" - James Clear
- "If you don’t have a plan, you will become part of someone else’s plan" - Terence Mckenna

[Psychstache]

Not so much advice, but a parable:

Two close boyhood friends grow up and go their separate ways.  One becomes a humble monk, the other a minister to the king. Years later they cross paths and sit for a meal to catch up.

The minister, in his fine robes, takes pity on the monk.  Offering his counsel, he says “You know, if you could learn to cater to the king you wouldn’t have to live on rice and beans." The monk simply replies “If you could learn to live on rice and beans you wouldn’t have to cater to the king.”

[ctuser1]

Forgot the exact source, and even the exact words. It was some second/third order translated Buddhist text, and it went something like this:

The "guru" who promises answers is a false one; follow instead the one that will teach you to ask the right questions.

[bacchi]

"Don't let go."

[Gremlin]

There are different communication styles.  Most people present/talk/write in the style that is most comfortable for them.  People are also most receptive to communications delivered in the style that is most comfortable for them.  It may not be the style that I am most comfortable with.

"Learn how to identify the communication styles of others and communicate to them in that way, even if it takes you out of your comfort zone." 

It's amazing how many doors that opens.

[rudged]

From Therapy:


From a mentor, who stole some of this from 7 habits:

-"It's far more rewarding to be respected than to be liked"

-"Train people how to respond to you, and train them how you will respond. As long as they respect you, then once they're trained, everyone around you will adapt and feel comfortable with your behaviour, no matter how atypical"

-"Making the right enemies can sometimes be more useful than making the right friends"
Meaning, if you take on someone in power that everyone else hates, even if you lose, you may forever gain regard for having taken them on at all. The enemy of my enemy can often be a far more powerful ally than a friend.

I presume by "Seven Habits" you mean Stephen Covey's The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People" (?) If so, I have to share I don't see the connection of any of these to his book.

Covey has a whole section about respect vs being liked in 7 habits, and my old mentor was a big Covey fan. I had listed a few others that I'm pretty sure he got from Covey, but I guess in editing the post, they didn't make it the cut.

Sorry, no.

Here are the seven habits:
habit 1  - be proactive
habit 2 - begin with the end in mind
habit 3 - put first things first
habit 4 - think win win
habit 5 - seek first to understand
habit 6 - synergies
habit 7 - sharpen the saw

I went into the index and the only entry that bears on this is two pages devoted to "respectful communication"

I think you must be thinking of some  other book.

[Metalcat]

From Therapy:


From a mentor, who stole some of this from 7 habits:

-"It's far more rewarding to be respected than to be liked"

-"Train people how to respond to you, and train them how you will respond. As long as they respect you, then once they're trained, everyone around you will adapt and feel comfortable with your behaviour, no matter how atypical"

-"Making the right enemies can sometimes be more useful than making the right friends"
Meaning, if you take on someone in power that everyone else hates, even if you lose, you may forever gain regard for having taken them on at all. The enemy of my enemy can often be a far more powerful ally than a friend.

I presume by "Seven Habits" you mean Stephen Covey's The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People" (?) If so, I have to share I don't see the connection of any of these to his book.

Covey has a whole section about respect vs being liked in 7 habits, and my old mentor was a big Covey fan. I had listed a few others that I'm pretty sure he got from Covey, but I guess in editing the post, they didn't make it the cut.

Sorry, no.

Here are the seven habits:
habit 1  - be proactive
habit 2 - begin with the end in mind
habit 3 - put first things first
habit 4 - think win win
habit 5 - seek first to understand
habit 6 - synergies
habit 7 - sharpen the saw

I went into the index and the only entry that bears on this is two pages devoted to "respectful communication"

I think you must be thinking of some  other book.

Maybe a misquote because this is from a mentor from almost 20 years ago, but Google tells me that Covey is well known for saying that it is better to be trusted than liked.

I also read the book just a few years ago and that part stood out to me because I remembered it from my old prof, and I highlighted the pages and handed it to my employer who was letting people walk all over her because of her need to be liked.

But hey, if you insist I'm wrong, maybe I'm wrong.

[marty998]

You’re either gonna let it happen, make it happen or wonder what the hell happened.

Not the best advice but always makes me smile.

[Hula Hoop]

From a happily married friend back when I was single:  I knew that H was the person I should marry as there were no big issues in our relationship - lots of little ones but no big ones.

Half the battle is figuring out what you want to do.

Careful what you wish for.

[Fireball]

Off the top of my head, two of the best pieces of advice that have helped in my day-to-day life.  Both from my Mom:

1) "You want a life free from pain?  Take better care of your teeth."

2) "Son, if she likes you, she will make it happen."  This was from a discussion when I was a teenager about a girl that I liked, but who gave mixed signals and had me in knots.  Helped me cut through some BS down through the years.

[bwall]

- "If you don’t have a plan, you will become part of someone else’s plan" - Terence Mckenna

Reminds me of the quote attributed to Leon Trotsky; "You might not be interested in the Revolution, but the Revolution is interested in you."

[sui generis]

I've spent most of my life being told to "trust to your gut" or some variation about all the answers being inside you all along if only you would listen to what your wise self is saying.  But being told to listen to your gut is one thing, and being able to hear what your gut is saying is something totally different.  I never heard a peep from my gut no matter how hard I thought I was listening. 

Magic way to get your gut to speak up and tell you what to do (as between two courses of action): flip a coin.  It's not about following what the coin tells you, but about noticing how you feel about the result.

[the_fixer]

My uncle told me -

Never shoot anything into your arm or up your nose and stay away from hard drugs.

Seems like an odd thing to tell a young teen but it served me well and came to the front of my mind over the years probably stopping me from trying some things that are better left alone.


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[OzzieandHarriet]

-"If you don't look back on your own past with embarrassment, you haven't grown enough as a person"
It's a privilege to look back at yourself and cringe.

Boy, I am super privileged.

[Metalcat]

-"If you don't look back on your own past with embarrassment, you haven't grown enough as a person"
It's a privilege to look back at yourself and cringe.

Boy, I am super privileged.

My sister likes to quote me from a decade ago, and it can be downright painful sometimes.

[John Galt incarnate!]

You’re either gonna let it happen, make it happen or wonder what the hell happened.

Not the best advice but always makes me smile.

I like it.

Here's another  I like that I've seen  attributed to boxer Mike Tyson: "Everyone has a plan until they get punched in the face."

[John Galt incarnate!]

“You only get one chance to do it right the first time”

My father (a ME)  taught me "There are 2 ways to do a job, a wrong way and a right way. Always do it  the right way."

[Bloop Bloop Reloaded]

My dad has never been good at, or attempted to, giving specific advice. But he taught me something in a roundabout lead by example way. A few years ago, I saw it stated succinctly and effectively: ”Your attitude is what makes the difference between an ordeal, and an adventure.”

I liked this one. I also liked Malcat's advice upthread, for it was insightful without being too hackneyed.

My own contribution would be:

1. Learn to like, and be compassionate to, yourself: most of us find it harder to do this for ourselves than for others.

2. Emotions are more powerful than thoughts, and indeed actions. If you care about someone, focus on his or her feelings.

[Telecaster]

Look at what successful people do, and do those same things. 

[Morning Glory]

Off the top of my head, two of the best pieces of advice that have helped in my day-to-day life.  Both from my Mom:

1) "You want a life free from pain?  Take better care of your teeth."

2) "Son, if she likes you, she will make it happen."  This was from a discussion when I was a teenager about a girl that I liked, but who gave mixed signals and had me in knots.  Helped me cut through some BS down through the years.

Poor girl probably just didn't know what she wanted until it was too late. The mixed signals could have come about because she didn't intend to have feelings for you starting out, then didn't really know what to do about them when it happened. She may have gotten a bit carried away one time (damn those teenage hormones) and cornered herself into making a choice when she wasn't ready.  She of course then made the wrong choice for a reason that seemed logical at the time, but in hindsight was very stupid. It's possible that she never forgave herself for how she treated you.

I am projecting a bit too much here. According to Malcat, I am very privileged.

I never received any good advice that could be summed up neatly into a couple lines. If I had, I probably wouldn't have followed it

[Adventine]

Off the top of my head, two of the best pieces of advice that have helped in my day-to-day life.  Both from my Mom:

1) "You want a life free from pain?  Take better care of your teeth."

2) "Son, if she likes you, she will make it happen."  This was from a discussion when I was a teenager about a girl that I liked, but who gave mixed signals and had me in knots.  Helped me cut through some BS down through the years.

Poor girl probably just didn't know what she wanted until it was too late. The mixed signals could have come about because she didn't intend to have feelings for you starting out, then didn't really know what to do about them when it happened. She may have gotten a bit carried away one time (damn those teenage hormones) and cornered herself into making a choice when she wasn't ready.  She of course then made the wrong choice for a reason that seemed logical at the time, but in hindsight was very stupid. It's possible that she never forgave herself for how she treated you.

I am projecting a bit too much here. According to Malcat, I am very privileged.

I never received any good advice that could be summed up neatly into a couple lines. If I had, I probably wouldn't have followed it

Yeah, I'd say that you're projecting a little too much into Fireball's story ;) Or you could be 100% on the mark because it turns out you're the girl from the story! Who knows? This forum's a small world.

[Taran Wanderer]

From my grandmother:  if you’re not going to eat it, don’t shoot it.

I’m not sure that’s the very best good advice I’ve ever received, but it did save a lot of birds (from me)when I was a kid, so it’s not all bad. 

[LennStar]

From my grandmother:  if you’re not going to eat it, don’t shoot it.

I’m not sure that’s the very best good advice I’ve ever received, but it did save a lot of birds (from me)when I was a kid, so it’s not all bad.

Would help a lot in wars, too!