What's the best (non-financial) advice you ever received?

[Morning Glory]

Off the top of my head, two of the best pieces of advice that have helped in my day-to-day life.  Both from my Mom:

1) "You want a life free from pain?  Take better care of your teeth."

2) "Son, if she likes you, she will make it happen."  This was from a discussion when I was a teenager about a girl that I liked, but who gave mixed signals and had me in knots.  Helped me cut through some BS down through the years.

Poor girl probably just didn't know what she wanted until it was too late. The mixed signals could have come about because she didn't intend to have feelings for you starting out, then didn't really know what to do about them when it happened. She may have gotten a bit carried away one time (damn those teenage hormones) and cornered herself into making a choice when she wasn't ready.  She of course then made the wrong choice for a reason that seemed logical at the time, but in hindsight was very stupid. It's possible that she never forgave herself for how she treated you.

I am projecting a bit too much here. According to Malcat, I am very privileged.

I never received any good advice that could be summed up neatly into a couple lines. If I had, I probably wouldn't have followed it

Yeah, I'd say that you're projecting a little too much into Fireball's story ;) Or you could be 100% on the mark because it turns out you're the girl from the story! Who knows? This forum's a small world.

 I think we've all been on one side or the other of that situation, sometimes more than once. I actually looked up the guy in question later on and apologized and he was really nice about it. We all did stupid things when we were kids.

[ObviouslyNotAGolfer]

I actually received two really good pieces of advice from two different assholes:

1.) When you get what you want, stop talking.

2.) You should learn the French language!

[Glenstache]

From a dying friend with many regrets from a long life, many related to relationships: Don’t force relationships. Put in work, but if it isn’t working, if it just isn’t there, you can’t force it to work.

[soccerluvof4]

Things have changed alot since I was a teenager BUT at the time it was great advice when I would leave the house in HS.

"No Drinking and stay off the grass".

[DaMa]

You can't change someone else; you can only change yourself (or how you react to him).

You are only as sick as your secrets.

[Just Joe]

Don't be a sore loser??? ;)

[Taran Wanderer]

If you don’t have something nice to say, don’t say anything at all.

[RetiredAt63]

I wish I had heard these much earlier.

Maya Angelou:  When someone tells you who they are, believe them.  I would add, look at actions not words, for the telling. 

Captain Awkward:  "No" is a complete sentence.

[LaineyAZ]

How about never make a major decision in anger? 
It's part of our culture in TV and movies where someone gets very upset one day and declares "I quit!" or "I'm leaving you" or "I'm moving and you'll never see me again" or similar.   These dramatics play well on the screen but in fact it's a terrible way to make major life decisions. 
I'm sure it'd be boring to watch characters who say "let me sleep on this" or "we'll discuss this next week" but I wish more people would actually manage their lives like that.

[Adventine]

How about never make a major decision in anger? 
It's part of our culture in TV and movies where someone gets very upset one day and declares "I quit!" or "I'm leaving you" or "I'm moving and you'll never see me again" or similar.   These dramatics play well on the screen but in fact it's a terrible way to make major life decisions. 
I'm sure it'd be boring to watch characters who say "let me sleep on this" or "we'll discuss this next week" but I wish more people would actually manage their lives like that.

The drama is great, but yes, big life decisions should never be made in anger.

I make an exception for the Epic FU Stories thread. But those particular rage quits are often the end result of long-term issues.

[Metalcat]

How about never make a major decision in anger? 
It's part of our culture in TV and movies where someone gets very upset one day and declares "I quit!" or "I'm leaving you" or "I'm moving and you'll never see me again" or similar.   These dramatics play well on the screen but in fact it's a terrible way to make major life decisions. 
I'm sure it'd be boring to watch characters who say "let me sleep on this" or "we'll discuss this next week" but I wish more people would actually manage their lives like that.

I think it entirely depends on the context and the person.

A decision made out of nowhere during an intense emotional state can lead to making ridiculous and impulsive, and irresponsible decisions.

On the flip side though, sometimes someone has been repressing a need for so long that it takes being pushed too far for them to snap and finally follow their gut.

I have a history of being incredibly disciplined, so some of the best and wisest decisions I've ever made were in a state of rage where all of the "rationale" of my plans fell away, and I was actually able to hear what my gut had been screaming at me for a very long time.

A lot of high performing people are like that. They're willing to put themselves through hell for the sake of an outcome, and it takes snapping for them to finally do something to protect their well being, because they've been programmed not to care about it.

So yes, acting in anger can be incredibly irresponsible, but it can also be the wisest move possible.

[Adventine]

@Malcat oh yes. There is a world of difference between a rage-fueled life decision made by someone who is normally measured, even-keeled and thoughtful about their actions, VS an angry life decision made by someone who is generally irresponsible and has poor self-control.

[Metalcat]

@Malcat oh yes. There is a world of difference between a rage-fueled life decision made by someone who is normally measured, even-keeled and thoughtful about their actions, VS an angry life decision made by someone who is generally irresponsible and has poor self-control.

There are A LOT of people who post here about being cripplingly burned out who could have benefited from being a lot more outraged by their work circumstances, and should have quit years ago.

Snapping has its utility, being an unstable person doesn't.

[Adventine]

And hopefully some of them are reading this thread and realizing just that.

[LaineyAZ]

Adventine and Malcat,
I agree with your caveat.

[Greystache]

This is from a science teacher trying to explain thermal dynamics to bored teenagers, but I have found it applies to many aspects of life.
You can't get something for nothing and you can't even break even.

[Metalcat]

This is from a science teacher trying to explain thermal dynamics to bored teenagers, but I have found it applies to many aspects of life.
You can't get something for nothing and you can't even break even.

This fits into my life motto of "everything in life is a trade off"

[NumberJohnny5]

To invest in whole life insurance.

I ignored my dad's financial advice after that. Even as a teenager I knew that was a terrible idea.

[Metalcat]

To invest in whole life insurance.

I ignored my dad's financial advice after that. Even as a teenager I knew that was a terrible idea.

The best advice you were given was bad advice?

[Psychstache]

To invest in whole life insurance.

I ignored my dad's financial advice after that. Even as a teenager I knew that was a terrible idea.

The best advice you were given was bad advice?

Of you get the bad advice early and it prevents you from getting years (decades?) of bad advice, that seems like a win.

[Samuel]

Things have changed alot since I was a teenager BUT at the time it was great advice when I would leave the house in HS.

"No Drinking and stay off the grass".

Meh, to me that's pretty mediocre advice, even in High School.

[Adventine]

To invest in whole life insurance.

I ignored my dad's financial advice after that. Even as a teenager I knew that was a terrible idea.

But this is a thread for the best advice you ever received that is not money-related.

[Just Joe]

Maybe they doubted much of Dad's advice after seeing how bad his money advice was... ;)

[onecoolcat]

I rented a room from an accountant while I was in grad school.  I will call him my roommate.  As I was finishing my degree and got my first job offer my roommate told me that since I was used to living like a poor student I should continue living that way so I can take full advantage of compound interest.  I was always very frugal but what he said stuck with me.  That was six years ago and every time I think about buying a new car (I drive the same car I bought used 9-years ago) I think about it.

[cool7hand]

I don't know if it was the best advice, but one key piece of advice I received was from a neighbor. He told me that "I could either play in college and work the rest of my life, or I could work in college and play the rest of my life." This is one of the key reasons I was able to FIRE.

[Adventine]

Maybe they doubted much of Dad's advice after seeing how bad his money advice was... ;)

Possibly.

But I edited the title to better reflect my original question, meant to exclude money-related advice. Financial advice is what the rest of the forum is for ;)

[NumberJohnny5]

Maybe they doubted much of Dad's advice after seeing how bad his money advice was... ;)

Yup. Thought that was obvious.

He was also very against the idea of me having a date pay for her share. I was off the opinion that they could pay as much/often as I did. He's been divorced three times now and I'm still on wife #1, so....

[FIRE Artist]

Always wear sunscreen.

[cool7hand]

Always wear sunscreen.

You might want to consider reading about the prophylactic effects of vitamin D and the many toxic ingredients in sunscreen. Mild sun exposure and clothing might be a better option in many situations.

[Adventine]

Always wear sunscreen.

You might want to consider reading about the prophylactic effects of vitamin D and the many toxic ingredients in sunscreen. Mild sun exposure and clothing might be a better option in many situations.

Nope, I'm going with the expert opinion of dematologists on this one. Sunscreen every day, combined with avoiding the sun at peak hours and appropriate clothing for the climate I'm in.

[iluvzbeach]

Always wear sunscreen.

You might want to consider reading about the prophylactic effects of vitamin D and the many toxic ingredients in sunscreen. Mild sun exposure and clothing might be a better option in many situations.

Nope, I'm going with the expert opinion of dematologists on this one. Sunscreen every day, combined with avoiding the sun at peak hours and appropriate clothing for the climate I'm in.

As a person who has had two melanoma (in situ) removed, I could not agree more. It could literally save your life.

[Bloop Bloop Reloaded]

Always wear sunscreen.

You might want to consider reading about the prophylactic effects of vitamin D and the many toxic ingredients in sunscreen. Mild sun exposure and clothing might be a better option in many situations.

Nope, I'm going with the expert opinion of dematologists on this one. Sunscreen every day, combined with avoiding the sun at peak hours and appropriate clothing for the climate I'm in.

I guess if you live in the Philippines that's very different from living in, say, a northern temperate climate where for half of the year the risk of sun exposure is close to nil.

[Adventine]

Always wear sunscreen.

You might want to consider reading about the prophylactic effects of vitamin D and the many toxic ingredients in sunscreen. Mild sun exposure and clothing might be a better option in many situations.

Nope, I'm going with the expert opinion of dematologists on this one. Sunscreen every day, combined with avoiding the sun at peak hours and appropriate clothing for the climate I'm in.

I guess if you live in the Philippines that's very different from living in, say, a northern temperate climate where for half of the year the risk of sun exposure is close to nil.

Correct. Although I have heard that you can still get sunburn from exposure to snow, while, for example, skiing.

It's entirely dependent on your personal situation and how much time you spend indoors VS outdoors. For where I am, yes, sunscreen every day.

[Caoineag]

Always wear sunscreen.

You might want to consider reading about the prophylactic effects of vitamin D and the many toxic ingredients in sunscreen. Mild sun exposure and clothing might be a better option in many situations.

Nope, I'm going with the expert opinion of dematologists on this one. Sunscreen every day, combined with avoiding the sun at peak hours and appropriate clothing for the climate I'm in.

I guess if you live in the Philippines that's very different from living in, say, a northern temperate climate where for half of the year the risk of sun exposure is close to nil.

Correct. Although I have heard that you can still get sunburn from exposure to snow, while, for example, skiing.

It's entirely dependent on your personal situation and how much time you spend indoors VS outdoors. For where I am, yes, sunscreen every day.

I prefer clothing as I am terrible about reapplying sunscreen (and above 90 it's actually cooler to wear long sleeved loose shirts,  hats and billowy pants than to have bare skin baking in the sun) but when playing in water I not only use it, I  reapply frequently as well. When relying on it you have to make sure it blocks both uva and uvb which a lot of sunscreens in America fail at.

Me personally, every time I have tried to rely on sunscreen, I usually manage to burn somewhere (miss a small spot or missed another application). Clothing I don't have that problem with. If you are good with sunscreen reapplication though and buy the right sunscreen, it should be pretty effective.

[ericrugiero]

Correct. Although I have heard that you can still get sunburn from exposure to snow, while, for example, skiing.

It's entirely dependent on your personal situation and how much time you spend indoors VS outdoors. For where I am, yes, sunscreen every day.

By far the worst sunburn I ever got was while skiing.  High altitude, sunlight hitting on the way down and reflected off the snow as well as not having a base tan resulted in me getting burnt to a crisp. 


"Seek to understand before seeking to be understood"

[Morning Glory]

I have gotten sunburn on my scalp in spite of having thick dark hair, so hard are a must. I also get headaches from being in direct sun for too long.  I'm horrible about remembering sunscreen if I'm going running or biking. It's not too sunny where I live, so not a huge concern.

[rosarugosa]

Enjoy the present moment while you're living it.

Less cosmic, but no less true (from my mom many years ago): "You can't be happy if your feet aren't happy."  Quality footwear is a worthwhile investment.

[Morning Glory]

Enjoy the present moment while you're living it.

Less cosmic, but no less true (from my mom many years ago): "You can't be happy if your feet aren't happy."  Quality footwear is a worthwhile investment.

I heard something similar on the forums: if it goes between you and the ground, spend the extra money to get something decent. This goes for shoes, mattresses, tires, etc.

[Chris Pascale]

Printing this off to read in my downtime, maybe to share with the kids.

Thanks.

I don't know if this is advice I was given, or just heard along the way: You're going to be judged either way, so just make a decision and follow through.

[Adventine]

Printing this off to read in my downtime, maybe to share with the kids.

Thanks.

I don't know if this is advice I was given, or just heard along the way: You're going to be judged either way, so just make a decision and follow through.

In the same spirit, I have often thought, "You can't please everybody, so you might as well just please yourself."

[Morning Glory]

Printing this off to read in my downtime, maybe to share with the kids.

Thanks.

I don't know if this is advice I was given, or just heard along the way: You're going to be judged either way, so just make a decision and follow through.

That's one I had to figure out on my own, when I was a charge nurse.  I've also heard that a truly fair decision makes nobody happy.

[Caoineag]

Pay attention to how people treat the wait staff. It tells you a lot about their character.

On a personal note, neither my husband nor I would have married the other if we weren't both generous tippers and polite to service workers. It's a deal breaker for both of us.

[Adventine]

Pay attention to how people treat the wait staff. It tells you a lot about their character.

On a personal note, neither my husband nor I would have married the other if we weren't both generous tippers and polite to service workers. It's a deal breaker for both of us.

This is excellent advice. I've used this criteria when deciding to step back from a 15 year old friendship and when choosing a fiancé.

[Taran Wanderer]

Pay attention to how people treat the wait staff. It tells you a lot about their character.

On a personal note, neither my husband nor I would have married the other if we weren't both generous tippers and polite to service workers. It's a deal breaker for both of us.

I’ve heard of this being used as an interview technique. Take the candidate out to lunch and ask the wait staff to slightly but noticeably mess up the candidate’s order. If the candidate says nothing, they aren’t assertive enough. If they react rudely, they also don’t pass the test. If they politely, subtly, and firmly get the order corrected, they pass. 

[LennStar]

Huh, I would fail that test because I likely would only shrug. If I get french fries or potato wedges is not a difference enough to waste time waiting for the replacement.

Pay attention to how people treat the wait staff. It tells you a lot about their character.

And how societies treat their prisoners tells you a lot about the character of a society.


Did anyone mention the classic "Don't be stupid" so far?

[Taran Wanderer]

Rule number one:  Don’t be a jerk.

[jeninco]

Rule number one:  Don’t be a jerk.

Slightly less politely phrased in our house (two teenaged boys) as "don't be a dick."

[MudPuppy]

And for the version fit for printing on mass produced home decor items, “kindness is free”

[Metalcat]

And for the version fit for printing on mass produced home decor items, “kindness is free”

And for the version in the rules of this very site: don't be an asshole

[rosarugosa]

I thought of another good one: "Always know where your fingers are." I heard that one from a horticulture instructor relative to pruning and my carpentry instructor, and I still have all ten of mine!