Author Topic: Weird fourm coversations - has the community gone soft?  (Read 96442 times)


  • Walrus Stache
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Re: Weird fourm coversations - has the community gone soft?
« Reply #750 on: October 28, 2017, 04:25:17 PM »
Still not sure what principles you are referring to, you need something to draw from when you aren't working or are you going to reverse mortgage your house?

Mate, MMM is not about living in a roach infested basement. A $180k house is not the end of the world in terms of FIRE, and I'll bet a significant chunk of the forum lives in residences worth significant multiples of that.

Having a high value house (in markets that appreciate in value) does not make you house poor. I personally view it view it as an investment that one day you can use to downsize.

Ask any homeowner in Sydney, London, Vancouver, SF Bay, New York etc etc and you'll get a very different perspective to your own.

Open your mind.


  • Handlebar Stache
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Re: Weird fourm coversations - has the community gone soft?
« Reply #751 on: October 28, 2017, 04:39:33 PM »
You're not doing her any favours.

Neither are you.  Someone says "I've been saving and sacrificing for X for nine years, and now I find it's still not enough, and I'm upset, so how can I get over being upset?" 

Option 1:  "You're stupid for wanting X, so stop whining."

Option 2:  "That's hard [a/k/a empathy].  You are doing the right thing not increasing your budget.  Why do you want X?  Maybe you don't actually need X to give you that.  So think about how you can achieve the most important things that X would give you in some other way that will cost less."

Which do you think most human beings will be more likely to listen to?
If you're here to make yourself feel superior by bashing people who live in a worse situation than you, feel free to continue to follow option 1.  But if you are in fact trying to help, you might want to start by not repeatedly calling someone an idiot for wanting to live somewhere that is above-ground and doesn't have cockroaches.*  Really, that's a pretty low bar.

Tl;dr:  if "wanting something better than a cockroach-infested basement apartment" and "wanting to own a $150k home" is the standard for "soft," then the vast majority of people on this board don't belong.  And if people responding with "good job sticking to your budget, maybe you get a slightly nicer apartment that still costs less than a house while you keep saving and looking" is the best example of the community going soft that you can think of, well, you might just have proved the opposite.

*This is especially true when you personally have chosen to get out of those very circumstances, and there is not one whit of evidence that the OP can't afford to make the same choice.  You said yourself you used to live in that kind of place.  But you don't any more -- once you could afford better, you apparently got the hell out of Dodge.  If roach-infested basements are so awesome, why aren't you still living in one?


  • Pencil Stache
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Re: Weird fourm coversations - has the community gone soft?
« Reply #752 on: October 28, 2017, 06:14:45 PM »
You gotta read the real situation not live in blog land where some white guy with a mustache plays nouveau jesus and does a post about 50k a year jobs and suddenly everything will change for the better.

She was crying in her cups and not going to be changing her situation any time soon. All I saw on that thread was keep house hunting you'll find your magical place soon. No help at all.

Yes I lived in not so great digs but it's always liveable. I even told her to dump her shit and quit hoarding but that got modded down. Real facepunches aren't really welcome anymore.


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Re: Weird fourm coversations - has the community gone soft?
« Reply #753 on: October 29, 2017, 09:29:47 PM »
Gonna go ahead and lock this thread, it has served its purpose.

Some people think the forums are now too soft.

Some think it's too mean, with unnecessary face punches.

It's a delicate balance.

The bottom line: If someone is asking for advice, when you reply, think of the phrase "tough love"--that doesn't include being a jerk, but it does include giving them a dose of reality.  If it's in the journal section, be even nicer.

If you think someone is trolling, being rude, etc., please use the button on the bottom right of the post to "report to moderators" (big thank you to those who do this.)

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