Author Topic: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes  (Read 415784 times)

Phenix

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Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #1050 on: November 29, 2024, 08:01:00 AM »
Joke from my 8 year old nephew yesterday

You ever think about putting glitter in your underwear? It'd be pretty nuts I imagine.

GuitarStv

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Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #1051 on: November 29, 2024, 08:13:10 AM »
Joke from my 8 year old nephew yesterday

You ever think about putting glitter in your underwear? It'd be pretty nuts I imagine.

hahahahaha

Financial.Velociraptor

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Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #1052 on: February 15, 2025, 07:36:01 AM »
#batting1000

Travis

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Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #1053 on: March 29, 2025, 06:49:47 PM »
What did the tectonic plate say to the other after bumping into it?


Spoiler: show
Sorry, my fault

blue_green_sparks

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Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #1054 on: April 28, 2025, 08:26:06 PM »
What’s it like living in North Korea?
Oh, Y’know, can’t complain.

LennStar

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Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #1055 on: April 29, 2025, 07:59:41 AM »
What’s it like living in North Korea?
Oh, Y’know, can’t complain.
As a German, this hits double. (Can't complain is German for A- rating)

blue_green_sparks

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Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #1056 on: May 16, 2025, 03:04:13 PM »
When I was young, I was poor
And after many years of honest, and hard work... I'm not young anymore.

geekette

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Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #1057 on: May 17, 2025, 02:12:38 PM »
I saw two huge black birds in the yard this morning, stuck together.

Turns out they were vel-crows.

crocheted_stache

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Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #1058 on: May 17, 2025, 10:49:21 PM »
Why do gorillas have big nostrils?

Spoiler: show
 Because gorillas have big fingers.

Radagast

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Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #1059 on: May 17, 2025, 11:36:14 PM »
Am I just getting old, or is the background music in grocery stores really starting to rock?

(Heard a while ago on the radio)

Taran Wanderer

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Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #1060 on: May 18, 2025, 10:10:28 PM »
Am I just getting old, or is the background music in grocery stores really starting to rock?

(Heard a while ago on the radio)

In all seriousness, they were playing Guns N Roses Sweet Child of Mine in the bank the other day. I thought it was cool, and what would my grandmother have thought of that?… but maybe I’m just old.

Radagast

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Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #1061 on: May 19, 2025, 12:06:36 PM »
Am I just getting old, or is the background music in grocery stores really starting to rock?

(Heard a while ago on the radio)

In all seriousness, they were playing Guns N Roses Sweet Child of Mine in the bank the other day. I thought it was cool, and what
would my grandmother have thought of that?… but maybe I’m just old.
It’s funny because it’s true :-p

Radagast

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Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #1062 on: May 20, 2025, 03:39:48 PM »
Siri kept calling me Shirley.

I realized I had set my phone to Airplane mode.

techwiz

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Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #1063 on: May 20, 2025, 08:01:45 PM »
Siri kept calling me Shirley.

I realized I had set my phone to Airplane mode.

LOL

reeshau

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Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #1064 on: May 20, 2025, 10:15:07 PM »
Did you know they won't let horses into the Optimist Club?

Spoiler: show
They're neighsayers.

crocheted_stache

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Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #1065 on: May 22, 2025, 12:53:36 AM »
A bat came back from a long night out huntng. It was nearly dawn, and he really wanted to settle in on his favorite spot on the cave ceiling and get some rest.

All the other bats could smell the fresh blood on him, though, and they wouldn't let him alone until he told them where he'd scored the big, juicy meal.

"Fine," he says. "Follow me." They stream out of the cave in a big flutter.

He leads the expedition. "See that hill over there?"
"Yes," they answer, and they all fly after him, up and over the hill.

"See that field, out past the barn?"
"Yes," they answer, and they all fly after him, out past the barn and across the field.

"See the little stream running down by the road?"
"Yes!" they say. "Is that where you found the meal?" They're getting close, surely.
"A little farther," he promises, and they all follow him along the little stream down by the road.

They round a bend, and he asks, "See that tree up ahead?"
"Yes! Is that the place?" They're all very excited now.

"Do you see that tree up ahead?" he repeats.
"Yes, of course," answer the other bats.

"Good. Because I didn't!"


techwiz

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Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #1066 on: May 22, 2025, 06:10:47 AM »
What did one ocean say to another?

Spoiler: show
Nothing, they just waved.


When does a joke become a dad joke?

Spoiler: show
When it becomes apparent.

crocheted_stache

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Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #1067 on: May 23, 2025, 12:15:16 AM »
Cheese has holes.

More cheese = more holes.

More holes = less cheese.

Therefore, more cheese = less cheese.

zolotiyeruki

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Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #1068 on: May 23, 2025, 08:18:38 AM »
Cheese has holes.

More cheese = more holes.

More holes = less cheese.

Therefore, more cheese = less cheese.
That reminds me of the song Sophomoric Philosophy:

The more the study the more you know
The more you know, the more you forget
The more you forget, the less you know
So why study?

The less you study, the less you know
The less you know, the less you forget
The less you forget, the more you know
So why study?

Taran Wanderer

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Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #1069 on: May 23, 2025, 08:54:44 AM »
Why do people in Greece hate waking up at dawn?

Spoiler: show
Because Dawn’s tough on grease.

Phenix

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Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #1070 on: May 23, 2025, 12:22:59 PM »
Why do people in Greece hate waking up at dawn?

Spoiler: show
Because Dawn’s tough on grease.


That's got to be one of the cleanest jokes on here.

techwiz

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Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #1071 on: May 23, 2025, 12:28:29 PM »

Boll weevil

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Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #1072 on: May 27, 2025, 08:35:27 AM »
Cheese has holes.

More cheese = more holes.

More holes = less cheese.

Therefore, more cheese = less cheese.
That reminds me of the song Sophomoric Philosophy:

The more the study the more you know
The more you know, the more you forget
The more you forget, the less you know
So why study?

The less you study, the less you know
The less you know, the less you forget
The less you forget, the more you know
So why study?


I can prove you’re not here… are you at (location 1)? Are you at (location 2)? Are you at (location 3)? If you’re not at any of those locations, you must be someplace else, and if you’re someplace else, you can’t be here.

GuitarStv

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Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #1073 on: May 27, 2025, 08:40:08 AM »
Cheese has holes.

More cheese = more holes.

More holes = less cheese.

Therefore, more cheese = less cheese.
That reminds me of the song Sophomoric Philosophy:

The more the study the more you know
The more you know, the more you forget
The more you forget, the less you know
So why study?

The less you study, the less you know
The less you know, the less you forget
The less you forget, the more you know
So why study?


I can prove you’re not here… are you at (location 1)? Are you at (location 2)? Are you at (location 3)? If you’re not at any of those locations, you must be someplace else, and if you’re someplace else, you can’t be here.

1=1

1/3 = 0.3333333...
3(1/3) = 3*(0.333333....)
3/3 = 0.9999999.....
1 = 0.99999999 . . .

Therefore 1 != 1 and all math is a lie.

techwiz

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Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #1074 on: May 27, 2025, 08:54:58 AM »
Why did Adele cross the road?

Spoiler: show
To say hello from the other side!

Moonwaves

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Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #1075 on: May 28, 2025, 01:49:14 AM »
What do you call a woman who keeps telling dad jokes?

Spoiler: show
A faux pa


And dragged this old one out for my 7 year old nephews last week - I love passing the jokes on to the younger generations.

What do you call a cow in an earthquake?

Spoiler: show
A milkshake

crocheted_stache

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Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #1076 on: May 28, 2025, 05:24:47 PM »
A bus station is where a bus stops.

A train station is where a train stops.

On my desk, I have a workstation...

LennStar

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Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #1077 on: May 28, 2025, 11:58:22 PM »
A bus station is where a bus stops.

A train station is where a train stops.

On my desk, I have a workstation...

Reminds me of an 20 year old one, when Germany was defended at the Hindukush.

Fire fighters fight fire.

Crime fighters fight crime.

What do Freedom figters fight?

crocheted_stache

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Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #1078 on: May 29, 2025, 08:39:00 AM »
A priest, an imam, and a rabbit walk into a bar.

The bartender asks, "What's going on?"

The rabbit replies, "Don't ask me. I'm only here because of autocorrect."

Radagast

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Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #1079 on: May 29, 2025, 10:02:02 AM »
Who can afford to filter their urine before drinking it? In this economy?
Big urine just wants you hooked on their product

I've always read that big urine supports trickle down economics.
THIS IS NOT A COINCIDENCE! ECONOMISTS AND THE PLUMBING CABAL BOTH MAKE MONEY OFF GROSS DOMESTIC PRODUCT! TAKE THE YELLOW PILL AND OPEN YOUR EYES!!!

Gross.
DO YOUR OWN RESEARCH! THIS IS BOTH GROSS AND REAL!!!!

A long time ago I came to post a tamer lamer version of this joke in this thread, but I stopped by the Top is in thread first and the rest is history.

DoubleDown

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Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #1080 on: May 30, 2025, 12:14:07 PM »
Why did Adele cross the road?

Spoiler: show
To say hello from the other side!


The chick-en can say that he tri-i-ied

crocheted_stache

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Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #1081 on: May 30, 2025, 09:12:03 PM »
I asked my husband what he wanted for his birthday. He said he would like nothing more than a big-screen TV. So I got him nothing.

crocheted_stache

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Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #1082 on: May 30, 2025, 11:19:53 PM »
Back-reading old stuff and found this.

My mom announced that it's impossible to live on $42,000 a year.

That's true. It'd take me about 2 years.

blue_green_sparks

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Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #1083 on: June 10, 2025, 05:40:09 AM »
I asked my husband what he wanted for his birthday. He said he would like nothing more than a big-screen TV. So I got him nothing.
To the guy who invented 'zero'...
Thanks for nothing.

crocheted_stache

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Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #1084 on: June 10, 2025, 11:27:06 PM »
I asked my husband what he wanted for his birthday. He said he would like nothing more than a big-screen TV. So I got him nothing.
To the guy who invented 'zero'...
Thanks for nothing.
To me, the funny thing is that my very mustachian husband, who does not watch television, really does prefer not to get birthday gifts. I'm the same way, so I guess that works.

crocheted_stache

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Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #1085 on: June 10, 2025, 11:28:09 PM »
Do you hate jokes about ghosts having sex with owls?

Well, boo-fucking-hoo.

Moonwaves

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Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #1086 on: June 10, 2025, 11:46:49 PM »
Did you hear about the guy who couldn't afford to buy pasta?

Spoiler: show
He was penne-less

techwiz

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Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #1087 on: June 11, 2025, 07:05:24 AM »
What do you call something that looks like pasta, and tastes like pasta, but isn't pasta?

Spoiler: show
An impasta.


What do you call pasta with a cold?

Spoiler: show
Macaroni and sneeze

Luke Warm

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Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #1088 on: June 11, 2025, 08:24:26 AM »
Do you hate jokes about ghosts having sex with owls?

Well, boo-fucking-hoo.

that made my day

Phenix

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Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #1089 on: June 11, 2025, 09:32:57 AM »
Do you hate jokes about ghosts having sex with owls?

Well, boo-fucking-hoo.

Nocturnal jokes are so dark.

techwiz

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Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #1090 on: June 11, 2025, 10:38:13 AM »

crocheted_stache

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Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #1091 on: June 14, 2025, 11:30:11 PM »
How can one think the unthinkable?

Spoiler: show
 With an itheberg.

blue_green_sparks

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Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #1092 on: June 15, 2025, 06:24:29 PM »
How can one think the unthinkable?

Spoiler: show
 With an itheberg.

Now I'm pith off.

crocheted_stache

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Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #1093 on: June 22, 2025, 08:52:28 PM »
Why did the chicken go to the beach?

Spoiler: show
She just wanted to lay in the sand.

blue_green_sparks

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Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #1094 on: June 28, 2025, 05:50:01 AM »
Boy, my step-mother is a terrible cook. She gave us alphabet soup, and my brother spelled out "help". What a bad cook, I tell ya. I mean, how can toast have bones?
-RD