The point of the callout is typically to cue the offender to stop the behavior and reconsider it in light of the fact that people are letting them know they've (hopefully unintentionally) fucked up, so the original conversation can smoothly resume, and harmful shit doesn't just sit there unchallenged in the meantime. I agree that the defensiveness of people who get called out can lead to those conversations ending anyway. But I don't agree that we should sacrifice the ability to call out harmful shit on the altar of people being too defensive to take the criticism and keep the conversation going.
Gosh, it's almost as if people have feelings!
The purpose of the public "callout" is not to politely correct someone for ignorant or unenlightened behavior. The purpose of the public "callout" is to publicly shame someone deemed
lesser than to help reinforce one's own smug sense of self-righteousness. If one doesn't want to actually arrest public discourse, and actually desires to educate someone who supposedly doesn't have as much of the puzzle of life put together as one thinks
they do, perhaps before chucking that particular stone it would be a good idea to temper that frustration or anger with a little empathy first.
"What if I were the arsehole in this situation? How would I react to public shaming? Is public shaming genuinely effective for correcting
trivial offenses of ignorance, or does it just make
me feel better doing it and earn me public approval from my own tribe of imperfect arseholes? Do I want to help nurture educated independence in others and allow for their own perspective and understanding to help continue to add to the rich dialogue while still helping to clue them into something they may not have considered or understood, or do I want to take responsibility for how everyone thinks and tell them how to behave?"
Even when you
are right, contemplate for a moment the possibility that you are wrong first. Ask how you would want to be treated yourself.
It hasn't been that long ago that even I carried this mentality of harsh public rebuke as being okay. "Treat others how I would like to be treated." I didn't mind it, and really don't mind public correction myself - but I am not everyone.
Most people have much thinner skin than I do, and we're talking about ideas and concepts that help shape and define the very sense of self. People get defensive and protective about that, and honestly, if anyone can't understand and appreciate that fact and exercise a bit more kindness in your interactions because of it? Guess what,
YOU ARE THE ARSEHOLE, not the target of your "callout". Finally coming to this realization helped me to understand how I had failed many times in the past to try and "help" people here and elsewhere with many things. I was the arsehole for my behavior, not
them. If you want to correct someone who is "wrong", it's on
you to help ensure you preserve their dignity in doing so, and to do so in a loving manner with a purpose of education instead of one driven by vengeance. You can only answer for your own choices and actions.
After all, what's the first rule of these forums?
Don't be a jerk.Frankly, deliberately publicly shaming someone with,
"What is this _____ bullshit?" on an
unintentional offense rooted in personal experience and understanding crosses that line
far more than the comment that inspired it because they were words
deliberately intended to be offensive to the reader.
I don't doubt the hearts desiring to help and uplift others, desiring justice and greater equality... but you don't get to do that by being as bad as or worse than those you're trying to enlighten. Two wrongs don't make a right, and an eye for an eye only leaves the whole world blind. There are ways to gently correct that preserves the dignity of the person in the wrong. There's also value in the ideas of being slow to anger and quick to forgiveness, as well as never assuming malice where ignorance can easily explain an offense, and recognizing that we should be too big to take offense and too noble to give it.
Are there trolls? Absolutely. Is it appropriate to publicly call out trolls if they're unchanging and abusive? Absolutely. Should we help others expand their horizons of understanding? Absolutely. Most people aren't trolls, they're just people with different experiences than you've had, and should be treated with the fundamental respect due all humans.
Love your neighbor as yourself. Nobody is perfect and omniscient enough to have the unflappable moral high ground, and behaving like you do is a sure-fire indication that you don't. Helping to restore their glory does far more than tearing it down through public spectacle.
Yeshua had some valuable words on this subject. Matthew 7:3-5 and 18:15 (according to the NIV translation) reads,
"Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye." and
"If your brother or sister sins, go and point out their fault, just between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them over."It works because it relies on self-awareness and introspection first, and provides dignity to those you desire to help, both by going to them privately and by recognizing that you yourself may be just as guilty of the same offense in your own special way, and that you may have needed just as much help, patience and forgiveness to be better as they do. In doing so, the comment has not gone unchallenged, because the person who wrote it has come to a greater understanding and is unlikely to keep and repeat the old idea. That is what actually matters. Not knee-jerk reactions that make you and others feel better. Not red text. Changing minds is what matters most. This doesn't mean that public dialogue on the subject can't and shouldn't be appropriate, but it has its place and there is wisdom in knowing
when it is appropriate.
I don't see much kindness in this thread, despite the motivation, because the steps being promoted to combat the problems are not ones rooted in love - but the very same hatred that inspires the cries for justice in the first place. You want this place to be better and kinder and more inclusive? It starts with your
own actions and behavior in how you treat others, and not with publicly shaming or censoring those who speak out of ignorance.