Author Topic: Things you hate  (Read 29488 times)

John Galt incarnate!

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Re: Things you hate
« Reply #450 on: May 15, 2019, 11:31:29 AM »
Painting. I have been painting inside our house the last 3 days and its just mindless, monotonous work! not to mention the smell of paint no matter how much I ventilate gives me a headache!

I hate painting too.

Linea_Norway

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Re: Things you hate
« Reply #451 on: May 16, 2019, 12:54:45 AM »
Painting. I have been painting inside our house the last 3 days and its just mindless, monotonous work! not to mention the smell of paint no matter how much I ventilate gives me a headache!

I hate painting too.

It depends on what kind of painting: Painting door frames neatly is much worse than painting a whole wall.
What I do hate about it, is that it never covers completely after one layer. You always have to do the wall a second time.
Listening to a podcast while painting makes it a little more pleasant.

sequoia

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Re: Things you hate
« Reply #452 on: May 16, 2019, 11:54:16 AM »
We are in a week of software testing with the customer present. One of the testers has to run the show this morning. I told him on Friday that he needed to be here at 8:00 am, as I had no one else to improvise to on that day. He shouldn't be late, like he was the day before. Still, now it is 08:30 am, he is still not here. Me and the customer are waiting. I feel very embarrassed towards the customer.

Wow so he was late, and now he is late again...

I am guessing he did not text/call to let you know why he is running late? In some job that can get one fired on the spot...

He ended up being half an hour late one day, letting one customer wait. And another day when we would start at 9 am, he was half an hour late, letting 10 customers wait. I told my boss that I found it very embassarring towards our customers. She will talk to his boss. I don't think they will fire him for that, but it may play in at the salary increase.

Whoa letting 10 customers waiting, and maybe not getting fired. That is a pretty nice boss/manager. I know if I am the customer, and we are supposed to have a business meeting, and the seller is late for half hour, I would expect to get a something in return for wasting my time, but most likely, I would leave and take my business somewhere else (I have done this).

I hate people who is late to business meeting (unless they are involved in an car accident otw or something like that). Not trying to sound like an a** but I usually have other meetings during the day. If one is late by 30 min, most likely we will need to have a follow-up meeting in the near future, and that is just annoying.





Roadrunner53

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Re: Things you hate
« Reply #453 on: May 16, 2019, 12:20:17 PM »
I hate it when I order stuff from certain places on line and it takes like 2 weeks to get the items! They do Smart Post and it seems to be like a wagon train pulled by mules. Right now I am waiting for some thing 11 days. How STUPID!

GuitarStv

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Re: Things you hate
« Reply #454 on: May 16, 2019, 12:33:41 PM »
I hate it when I order stuff from certain places on line and it takes like 2 weeks to get the items! They do Smart Post and it seems to be like a wagon train pulled by mules. Right now I am waiting for some thing 11 days. How STUPID!

It's all perspective.

I grew up in a small Northern Ontario town and besides a couple general stores, there wasn't really anywhere to shop.  Next town over was a two hour drive, so most of our clothing and random other stuff was ordered from the Sears catalog via telephone.  Usually came in in a month and a half if all went well. If it was backordered, it might be two or three months.

Tracking was:
- we placed the order
...
- the parcel is here!

It's hard to get excited about two weeks wait these days.  Seems like everything is being teleported right to me at hyper speed.  :P

Roadrunner53

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Re: Things you hate
« Reply #455 on: May 16, 2019, 01:00:30 PM »
Most places ship things so they arrive in no more than 5 days unless it is something special or on back order. Walmart is introducing one day shipping with a $35 purchase. Not all states now but will by the end of year. Costco is two day. J.C. Penny is maybe 5 days. Target is a few days. We have modern shipping and not wagon trains anymore so there is no reason not to get things quickly. The consumer wants it.

Yes, I remember the Sears and J C Penny catalog but those days are long gone.

Johnez

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Re: Things you hate
« Reply #456 on: May 19, 2019, 02:56:01 AM »
This is one if the reasons I enjoy Amazo, they normally do shipping right. And if they don't, they usually screw up in customer's favor. My bro once got two big screens shipped to him. I usually get my stuff on exactly the day or sooner. Problem with Amazon though is fake reviews or fake products. I would figure a company as huge as Amazon would be able to control the products, but I've seen enough to only buy when I'm sure now. Shoes, supplements, cologne? Nope.

dougules

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Re: Things you hate
« Reply #457 on: May 20, 2019, 10:31:13 AM »
Most places ship things so they arrive in no more than 5 days unless it is something special or on back order. Walmart is introducing one day shipping with a $35 purchase. Not all states now but will by the end of year. Costco is two day. J.C. Penny is maybe 5 days. Target is a few days. We have modern shipping and not wagon trains anymore so there is no reason not to get things quickly. The consumer wants it.

Yes, I remember the Sears and J C Penny catalog but those days are long gone.

Honestly Amazon is Sears 2.0.  The shipping may be faster and the catalog replaced with a website, but it's essentially an improved version the same thing.

It's really ironic that Sears was beat by its own original business model.  Amazon's website is basically just a modern version of the Sears catalog.

Linea_Norway

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Re: Things you hate
« Reply #458 on: May 21, 2019, 04:37:25 AM »
One of my co-workers, who questions everything, including the things in projects that he is not involved in. He makes meetings twice as long as they need to be, because he drags everything out. I hate these (SCRUM planning) meetings anyway, but this co-workers makes it so much worse by his questions.

megaschnauzer

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Re: Things you hate
« Reply #459 on: May 21, 2019, 05:10:49 AM »
people who bring their sick kids to work.

GuitarStv

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Re: Things you hate
« Reply #460 on: May 21, 2019, 06:57:58 AM »
One of my co-workers, who questions everything, including the things in projects that he is not involved in. He makes meetings twice as long as they need to be, because he drags everything out. I hate these (SCRUM planning) meetings anyway, but this co-workers makes it so much worse by his questions.

This is actually not his problem, it's the problem of your scrum master.  The scrum master's job is to move the meeting along quickly.  That means shutting up people who just like to hear the sound of their own voice.

Parizade

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Re: Things you hate
« Reply #461 on: May 23, 2019, 06:16:35 AM »
One of my co-workers, who questions everything, including the things in projects that he is not involved in. He makes meetings twice as long as they need to be, because he drags everything out. I hate these (SCRUM planning) meetings anyway, but this co-workers makes it so much worse by his questions.

I have a coworker like this too, but what irritates me even more is how she has to take 5-10 minutes out of any meeting to make sure anyone listening understands that whoever started the project (or did it before it the project is an update) did it WRONG and we are all so lucky that she is here now to scrap the old and completely restart things by doing it RIGHT because she is clearly so much more competent than anyone else on the planet. She is good at what she does, but not THAT good, and everything she does takes twice as long because of her endless questions and frequent boasting-fests. Yet the system works for her, she has many people convinced that they just couldn't find anyone better. Makes me so happy I only have 29 more days.

Just Joe

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Re: Things you hate
« Reply #462 on: May 23, 2019, 08:39:22 AM »
I sat through a meeting once where two dozen people had to bide their time b/c one employee wanted to question the wording of a project summary. Back and forth they went. Finally a few of us left for other meetings and obligations.

Rimu05

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Re: Things you hate
« Reply #463 on: May 24, 2019, 09:59:53 AM »
One of my co-workers, who questions everything, including the things in projects that he is not involved in. He makes meetings twice as long as they need to be, because he drags everything out. I hate these (SCRUM planning) meetings anyway, but this co-workers makes it so much worse by his questions.

My mom and I have noted this is an American habit though it seems you aren't in the U.S. We just do not understand these pointless meetings where in the end, no one actually says anything. We have concluded Americans love to hear themselves talk and especially, superfluous phrasing that doesn't need to be said. I leave every meeting thinking "Did we need to have that." IT seems also these meeting do nothing but instill anger as management tries to convince us the media is wrong when they have been right on just about everything...

meghan88

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Re: Things you hate
« Reply #464 on: May 27, 2019, 01:26:43 PM »
I hate driving, especially on the 401 through Toronto.  We have three more one-way trips ahead of us in order to move back to Montreal without paying a mover some usurious rate.  I hope to never, ever see the 401 ever again after June 30.

In fact, I posted an ad in Mustachian Marketplace in the hope that there is a Mustachian near Waterloo Ontario with a van/pickup who wouldn't mind a drive to Montreal in exchange for a reasonable fee plus expenses.  No lifting required and we have almost nothing left to move ... but more than our Yaris will hold.
« Last Edit: May 27, 2019, 01:29:22 PM by meghan88 »

GuitarStv

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Re: Things you hate
« Reply #465 on: May 27, 2019, 01:30:57 PM »
I hate driving, especially on the 401 through Toronto.  We have three more one-way trips ahead of us in order to move back to Montreal without paying a mover some usurious rate.  I hope to never, ever see the 401 ever again after June 30.

In fact, I posted an ad in Mustachian Marketplace in the hope that there is a Mustachian near Waterloo Ontario with a van/pickup who wouldn't mind a drive to Montreal in exchange for a reasonable fee plus expenses.  No lifting required and we have almost nothing left to move ... but more than our Yaris will hold.

You can thank decades of successive governments (at the municipal, federal, and provincial level) waffling on and cancelling public transit projects for the current state of traffic on the 401.  Give several million people only one way to travel and you get the 401.

RetiredAt63

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Re: Things you hate
« Reply #466 on: May 27, 2019, 05:29:38 PM »
The 401 is fine - until about Oshawa.  Then it is hell.  I would be happy if I die at 95 never having driven on the 401 in Toronto again.

John Galt incarnate!

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Re: Things you hate
« Reply #467 on: May 27, 2019, 06:34:03 PM »
I hate bananas that soften prematurely although they looked perfect and felt firm  at time of purchase.

APowers

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Re: Things you hate
« Reply #468 on: May 27, 2019, 06:38:41 PM »
I hate chores. I love learning new skills, or doing projects that get me ahead of the game, or make my life more efficient or effective. But chores, Blegh! Doing dishes, laundry, cleaning, dusting, having to shower/shave/brush my teeth, sleeping.....all must be done, only to be done again the next day, and the next day, and the next day, with no end in sight. Just...clean the thing, only to get it dirty again, only to clean it again, only to dirty it again....

Linea_Norway

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Re: Things you hate
« Reply #469 on: May 28, 2019, 12:13:10 AM »
Having sensitivity in a molar. Recently I ate bread with some hard seeds in it. I noticed that when I chewed with my left teeth, I felt slightly painful. Chewing on the right side didn't feel anything special.
This morning, I took a sip of water and I felt icing on my left teeth, mort in particular one of the molars on the left upper side.

This molar had an old filling. Some time ago I went to a (new) dentist who said the filling was starting to get bad, there were growing bacteria deep in the crevasses of the molar and I needed a partial new filling. I agreed on doing it immediately (I don't want the bacterial growth), so she took out a bit of filling, drilled something and put in a new piece. Now, several month later, the molar is suddenly getting sensitive for cold water. And maybe that was also causing the chewing sensation, although I am not sure.

I hate having to go back to a dentist. It is hassle and it might cost money. One of my co-workers has a similar problem, but with a lot more pain involved. She also hates having to go back to the dentist. I had been encouraging her to go back and now she is encouraging me. But we are both reluctant. At least she has made an appointment. I think I'll wait for a while to see if it keeps hurting.
« Last Edit: May 28, 2019, 12:18:25 AM by Linea_Norway »

Roadrunner53

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Re: Things you hate
« Reply #470 on: May 28, 2019, 04:58:38 AM »
I hate chores. I love learning new skills, or doing projects that get me ahead of the game, or make my life more efficient or effective. But chores, Blegh! Doing dishes, laundry, cleaning, dusting, having to shower/shave/brush my teeth, sleeping.....all must be done, only to be done again the next day, and the next day, and the next day, with no end in sight. Just...clean the thing, only to get it dirty again, only to clean it again, only to dirty it again....

Agree, chores are BORING! Laundry is never ending and we are just two people here. My washer is non stop it seems. I wish they would come up with a microwave shower where you could go in and be zapped and be clean. Cleaning the house is the worst chore of all. It never ends either. Vacuum, dust, wash windows, bathtubs, showers, sinks, floor washing, changing sheets, making the bed, washing sheets and bedding. UGH!!!

jinga nation

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Re: Things you hate
« Reply #471 on: May 28, 2019, 05:56:26 AM »
One of my co-workers, who questions everything, including the things in projects that he is not involved in. He makes meetings twice as long as they need to be, because he drags everything out. I hate these (SCRUM planning) meetings anyway, but this co-workers makes it so much worse by his questions.

My mom and I have noted this is an American habit though it seems you aren't in the U.S. We just do not understand these pointless meetings where in the end, no one actually says anything. We have concluded Americans love to hear themselves talk and especially, superfluous phrasing that doesn't need to be said. I leave every meeting thinking "Did we need to have that." IT seems also these meeting do nothing but instill anger as management tries to convince us the media is wrong when they have been right on just about everything...

Most working Americans feel this way (I assume). It's the damn useless management and project managers who hold these meetings.
My response to SCRUM meetings is: En Ingles por favor. No entiendo.

Linea_Norway

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Re: Things you hate
« Reply #472 on: May 28, 2019, 06:04:11 AM »
Agree, chores are BORING! Laundry is never ending and we are just two people here. My washer is non stop it seems. I wish they would come up with a microwave shower where you could go in and be zapped and be clean. Cleaning the house is the worst chore of all. It never ends either. Vacuum, dust, wash windows, bathtubs, showers, sinks, floor washing, changing sheets, making the bed, washing sheets and bedding. UGH!!!

@Roadrunner53
You say your washing machine runs all the time, with just 2 people?

Could you perhaps be washing your clothes too often?
https://www.mrmoneymustache.com/2013/12/30/are-you-cleaning-out-your-own-wallet/

Or is perhaps your washing machine very small? We own a pretty newish washing machine and the amount of laundry that can be stuffed into is like 50% more than in the machine I had before this one.

I run 1-3 batches of laundry per week, with 2 adults. Three batches is only when I wash the bed sheets. And the second batch only if I have enough white laundry, which is once every few weeks.

I do agree that cleaning the house is a never ending repetitive story.

Parizade

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Re: Things you hate
« Reply #473 on: May 28, 2019, 10:36:12 AM »
One of my co-workers, who questions everything, including the things in projects that he is not involved in. He makes meetings twice as long as they need to be, because he drags everything out. I hate these (SCRUM planning) meetings anyway, but this co-workers makes it so much worse by his questions.

My mom and I have noted this is an American habit though it seems you aren't in the U.S. We just do not understand these pointless meetings where in the end, no one actually says anything. We have concluded Americans love to hear themselves talk and especially, superfluous phrasing that doesn't need to be said. I leave every meeting thinking "Did we need to have that." IT seems also these meeting do nothing but instill anger as management tries to convince us the media is wrong when they have been right on just about everything...

Most working Americans feel this way (I assume). It's the damn useless management and project managers who hold these meetings.
My response to SCRUM meetings is: En Ingles por favor. No entiendo.

There seems to be an attitude that talking in a meeting = power. So people who want more power just keep talking long after they run out of anything useful to say. It's quite infuriating. I've also noticed that people who are in "project paralysis" will keep having the same meetings over and over rather than risk making a wrong decision that moves the project forward but could come back to bite them. Both are dysfunctional work situations. So glad I'm retiring soon.

Roadrunner53

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Re: Things you hate
« Reply #474 on: May 28, 2019, 11:22:43 AM »
Agree, chores are BORING! Laundry is never ending and we are just two people here. My washer is non stop it seems. I wish they would come up with a microwave shower where you could go in and be zapped and be clean. Cleaning the house is the worst chore of all. It never ends either. Vacuum, dust, wash windows, bathtubs, showers, sinks, floor washing, changing sheets, making the bed, washing sheets and bedding. UGH!!!

@Roadrunner53
You say your washing machine runs all the time, with just 2 people?

Could you perhaps be washing your clothes too often?
https://www.mrmoneymustache.com/2013/12/30/are-you-cleaning-out-your-own-wallet/

Or is perhaps your washing machine very small? We own a pretty newish washing machine and the amount of laundry that can be stuffed into is like 50% more than in the machine I had before this one.

I run 1-3 batches of laundry per week, with 2 adults. Three batches is only when I wash the bed sheets. And the second batch only if I have enough white laundry, which is once every few weeks.

I do agree that cleaning the house is a never ending repetitive story.

I have a king size bed and even though my washer and dryer are giant sized, I can only wash so much bedding at a time so I might have 3 loads for blankets, sheets and bedspreads. I have some delicate things that I do separately, I have throw rugs that get washed and 3 large loads of normal wash a week. My husband uses rags in the garage that need washing now and then. I have blankets in the car that the dogs sit on that get washed now and then. For some reason it is never ending. I don't wear things for 5 minutes and then wash them. Sometimes I wear them several times. I have fleece jackets that need washing now and then and some crochet throws that need washing now and then. We bathe the dogs about once a month and that takes up many towels. So it all adds up.

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Re: Things you hate
« Reply #475 on: May 28, 2019, 01:09:45 PM »
One of my co-workers, who questions everything, including the things in projects that he is not involved in. He makes meetings twice as long as they need to be, because he drags everything out. I hate these (SCRUM planning) meetings anyway, but this co-workers makes it so much worse by his questions.

My mom and I have noted this is an American habit though it seems you aren't in the U.S. We just do not understand these pointless meetings where in the end, no one actually says anything. We have concluded Americans love to hear themselves talk and especially, superfluous phrasing that doesn't need to be said. I leave every meeting thinking "Did we need to have that." IT seems also these meeting do nothing but instill anger as management tries to convince us the media is wrong when they have been right on just about everything...

Most working Americans feel this way (I assume). It's the damn useless management and project managers who hold these meetings.
My response to SCRUM meetings is: En Ingles por favor. No entiendo.

There seems to be an attitude that talking in a meeting = power. So people who want more power just keep talking long after they run out of anything useful to say. It's quite infuriating. I've also noticed that people who are in "project paralysis" will keep having the same meetings over and over rather than risk making a wrong decision that moves the project forward but could come back to bite them. Both are dysfunctional work situations. So glad I'm retiring soon.

Management can't make a decision.
Management wants engineers to make decisions, but management wants to be in charge of how decisions are made.
So they make engineers sit in pointless meetings.
If the decision leads to a bad ending, it's the fault of engineers.
If the decision leads to having more meetings, the engineers are blamed (because the initial engineers' decision was rejected by management).
If the decision leads to success, the managers get the praise and reward for leading a team of "indecisive engineers".

Linea_Norway

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Re: Things you hate
« Reply #476 on: May 29, 2019, 12:46:18 AM »
There seems to be an attitude that talking in a meeting = power. So people who want more power just keep talking long after they run out of anything useful to say. It's quite infuriating. I've also noticed that people who are in "project paralysis" will keep having the same meetings over and over rather than risk making a wrong decision that moves the project forward but could come back to bite them. Both are dysfunctional work situations. So glad I'm retiring soon.

This happened in our board meetings for our private road. Endless discussions about the same subject about taken over an additional piece of road and never any decision about it. At the end, the decision was taken by the member meeting and was really simple: as long as there is a disagreement about this road amongst the owners, we can't take it over.

Cool Friend

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Re: Things you hate
« Reply #477 on: May 30, 2019, 08:21:31 AM »
Didn't want to make a whole other thread about this but boy there is nothing like the death of a loved one to let you know which of your friends give a shit about you.

talltexan

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Re: Things you hate
« Reply #478 on: May 30, 2019, 08:29:25 AM »
Cool Friend, I am sorry for your loss, and sorry that there are people who are so caught up in their own issues that they are missing a chance to provide you comfort.

And--like you--I hate that people forget the proper way to come together during a time of grief.

Cool Friend

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Re: Things you hate
« Reply #479 on: May 30, 2019, 08:41:04 AM »
Thank you for saying so. The silver lining I guess is now I know what I mean to some of these people, and I can stop putting as much time and energy into those relationships, since it's clearly not as important to them as it was to me.

Roadrunner53

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Re: Things you hate
« Reply #480 on: May 30, 2019, 09:06:38 AM »
Cool Friend, relationships are not always what we think they are. I worked with this woman for several years. She was a temp and I was a regular full time employee. We were best of friends at work and we worked perfectly together. She was an excellent worker and we had so much fun every day. When she wasn't there, the days would drag. She had a fun personality and was willing to do anything with a smile. She went thru a divorce and I stuck by her. When she moved out of the family home with her kids my hub helped move her furniture. The company decided to close down the operation and after several months she was let go. I was also going to lose my job but worked a bit longer. Another coworker and I tried to meet her for lunch one day just to enjoy each others company. We tried and tried to make a date with her but she would never meet up with us. She never kept in personal contact with me either. I would have thought our friendship went beyond the walls of work but she claimed she was so busy with her kids and her new job and she got remarried. But not even an email or text or anything? WOW, I wonder if she was just playing me or were we really work friends that enjoyed each others company. I have other friendship stories that fizzled out too.

Papa bear

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Re: Things you hate
« Reply #481 on: May 30, 2019, 05:31:15 PM »
I FUCKING HATE FUCKING PAPER LAWN/LEAF BAGS.


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Papa bear

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Re: Things you hate
« Reply #482 on: May 30, 2019, 06:01:39 PM »
Thanks. I feel better now. Still not a fan.


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better late

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Re: Things you hate
« Reply #483 on: May 30, 2019, 07:27:15 PM »
TVs playing loud on screened-in porches

GreenSheep

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Re: Things you hate
« Reply #484 on: June 14, 2019, 08:23:04 AM »
Being told my accomplishments are just because I'm "so young."

I have a friend who constantly tells me that I was able to do that hike or recover quickly from that surgery or wear that clothing size because I'm so young. She's only 8 years older than I am! She just doesn't take care of herself very well. I've given her all kinds of examples of MUCH older people who are doing MUCH more impressive things, but it never seems to sink in. I think it's time to just tell her that when she says that, it makes me feel like my efforts mean nothing. I eat healthy food and I literally climb a mountain several times a week. If that doesn't keep you in good shape, I don't know what will, and I don't expect it to be much different 8 years from now, even though she seems to think life effectively ends long before age 50.

Cool Friend

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Re: Things you hate
« Reply #485 on: June 14, 2019, 08:51:26 AM »
Being told my accomplishments are just because I'm "so young."

I have a friend who constantly tells me that I was able to do that hike or recover quickly from that surgery or wear that clothing size because I'm so young. She's only 8 years older than I am! She just doesn't take care of herself very well. I've given her all kinds of examples of MUCH older people who are doing MUCH more impressive things, but it never seems to sink in. I think it's time to just tell her that when she says that, it makes me feel like my efforts mean nothing. I eat healthy food and I literally climb a mountain several times a week. If that doesn't keep you in good shape, I don't know what will, and I don't expect it to be much different 8 years from now, even though she seems to think life effectively ends long before age 50.

I lost 30 pounds once and my boss was like "must be nice being so young."  Yeah, the months of sustained discipline and attention I put towards my goal couldn't have had anything to do with it.

Jouer

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Re: Things you hate
« Reply #486 on: June 14, 2019, 10:10:50 AM »
Being told my accomplishments are just because I'm "so young."

I have a friend who constantly tells me that I was able to do that hike or recover quickly from that surgery or wear that clothing size because I'm so young. She's only 8 years older than I am! She just doesn't take care of herself very well. I've given her all kinds of examples of MUCH older people who are doing MUCH more impressive things, but it never seems to sink in. I think it's time to just tell her that when she says that, it makes me feel like my efforts mean nothing. I eat healthy food and I literally climb a mountain several times a week. If that doesn't keep you in good shape, I don't know what will, and I don't expect it to be much different 8 years from now, even though she seems to think life effectively ends long before age 50.

I lost 30 pounds once and my boss was like "must be nice being so young."  Yeah, the months of sustained discipline and attention I put towards my goal couldn't have had anything to do with it.

To be fair: it is easier to lose weight when you are younger. But for them to dismiss your effort is completely unfair. It's the same thing we hear about finances "I wish I could have that much money".........well, you could if you had less stuff!

Last point: 8 years can be a pretty big difference athletically. Certainly the difference between 20 and 28 is pretty large. 28 and 36 is HUGE....it's like an eternity. 36 and 44 is not as bad but still a pretty big difference.

Dicey

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Re: Things you hate
« Reply #487 on: June 14, 2019, 10:24:12 AM »
Thank you for saying so. The silver lining I guess is now I know what I mean to some of these people, and I can stop putting as much time and energy into those relationships, since it's clearly not as important to them as it was to me.
Sometimes people are so afraid of saying the wrong thing that they just don't say anything. A professional acquaintence/friend-ish says her son "died" but I know it was a suicide. Ooh, sticky. I just stuff down the icky feelings and try to do the right thing, like delivering flowers (I'm too cheap to use a florist, lol) around the time he died each year. She says "thanks" and not much else. Should I keep doing this? For how long? Do I mention him in conversation? I do, when it feels appropriate, but I think most people are afraid to. A lot of people are conditioned to avoid doing anything that's hard. Or they do the other thing I'm also guilty of. They write a lovely condolence letter in their heads and leave it there. Oof.
Related: when in doubt, go to the funeral or memorial service. I went for the boy mentioned. They had a receiving line, which I hesitated to enter. When she saw me, she hugged me like I was a life preserver and burst into tears. I just stayed still and held on until she collected herself. Neither of us has mentioned the moment, but I was proud that I'd made the right choice. Even if it was hard. Because it was hard.

On topic: I fucking hate it when people kill themselves.
« Last Edit: June 14, 2019, 10:26:27 AM by Dicey »

Roadrunner53

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Re: Things you hate
« Reply #488 on: June 14, 2019, 11:16:33 AM »
Thank you for saying so. The silver lining I guess is now I know what I mean to some of these people, and I can stop putting as much time and energy into those relationships, since it's clearly not as important to them as it was to me.
Sometimes people are so afraid of saying the wrong thing that they just don't say anything. A professional acquaintence/friend-ish says her son "died" but I know it was a suicide. Ooh, sticky. I just stuff down the icky feelings and try to do the right thing, like delivering flowers (I'm too cheap to use a florist, lol) around the time he died each year. She says "thanks" and not much else. Should I keep doing this? For how long? Do I mention him in conversation? I do, when it feels appropriate, but I think most people are afraid to. A lot of people are conditioned to avoid doing anything that's hard. Or they do the other thing I'm also guilty of. They write a lovely condolence letter in their heads and leave it there. Oof.
Related: when in doubt, go to the funeral or memorial service. I went for the boy mentioned. They had a receiving line, which I hesitated to enter. When she saw me, she hugged me like I was a life preserver and burst into tears. I just stayed still and held on until she collected herself. Neither of us has mentioned the moment, but I was proud that I'd made the right choice. Even if it was hard. Because it was hard.

On topic: I fucking hate it when people kill themselves.

Yeah, uncomfortable situation. My neighbor's house was inundated with police cars for hours one day and of course I thought it was the owner or his wife being taken out by ambulance. I went to the wake/service for him. Weeks later I found out their 20 year old kid died of a drug OD. However, the mother didn't seem to want anyone to know because she said he was okay around midnight but in the morning he was dead in bed. It is another one of those really strange situations because the whole family is down to earth and the only thing they do is drink a beer now and then.