Been mistaken as "oh and your wife" to more than one of my co-workers.
Did not get that, could you elaborate?
Simple been on business trips over the years and had hotel and or restaurant people mistake me as my co-workers spouse; this has happened with multiple co-workers.
It's happened to me too. The fact that it can't be chalked up as a one-off for the purposes of this thread is testament to chronic sexism that sees a woman and sees a spousal appendage rather than an independent economic operator.
Am I missing something? It seems to me that if you're not wearing business attire and it's not lunchtime, it would be most reasonable for someone to guess that you're probably married if you're at a hotel or restaurant together. No one has ever assumed that my husband is my coworker; they always assume he's my husband. Of course if you're staying in different rooms at a hotel or requesting separate checks at a restaurant, then it would make more sense to assume you're probably not married and might, in fact, be coworkers on a business trip.
I'm a woman, and I understand that there are still areas of life where we are not treated equally to men, but I think this might be a case of looking for offensive action where none was meant. And in the long run, I think it makes people less likely to take our complaints about truly offensive situations seriously.
Really? You've never been the only woman in a business situation and
of course you were taken for the wife? You've never had to work twice as hard or prove yourself to be smarter than your colleagues and then when the time came for a review and a raise you did not get the promotion? because -
well - as was explained to me by my boss - "he" had a family to support and I was only a wife.
He said that straight to my face - perfectly nice guy and otherwise a great boss - "he" had a decision to make and he only had one promotion to give and yeah, well, he knew I was doing a better job, but still - I was not a family provider.
So I ask you, what would you have done?
Is this a situation that is perfectly acceptable in your book?
This was back in 1973 and I was smart enough to know that if I made waves it wouldn't get me anywhere - perhaps even make me unemployable. A woman raising a ruckus over a job and money - good god, what will they ask for next?:)
I did the next best thing, I talked to the lady in HR and told her I was looking for a new job asap. I did not want to give her the real reason, but she was older and experienced in such matters and in the end, I told her what really happened. She saw that sort of thing all the time, but also didn't make a fuss - it would have cost her her job and she was rather fond of it and nearing retirement.
However - I found myself the recipient of a mentorship and she found me a much better job with a significant raise.
But the thing is, it doesn't always end this well and job hopping back then was frowned upon - these are different times and things in the workplace have become easier for women. I am glad to see the sexual harassment wave - it is the next step and long overdue.
Certainly, the men are becoming uneasy over it or laugh and deny it away, but in a time when locker room boys abuse is openly talked about, I do think women have a chance of being heard in that arena as well.
It is always an ugly fight to speak up about taboo subjects, but if we want change, we have to be the change. (and no, Obama was not the one to originally come up with that slogan:)
We are just strangers on the internet and perhaps you are too young to appreciate the roadblocks the women of the 20th century have removed and fought for. Not to mention that the USA was one of the last countries to allow women the vote.
"Allow" - pffft!!!
Anyway, I just wanted to say that it saddens me to see a comment like this one from a woman - we should support one another - in any way we can.
Men close rank and the good ole boy network is alive and well - make no mistake about that.
The truth is that I have had women bosses that were even worse, because they tried to fit in so very hard - it is still a man's world, never forget that. It doesn't mean I can't go on and find ways to equalize my job, my pay, my world.
My decision was to pick a field that at the time was a man's prerogative - I was one of two women in a class of 32 to become a commercial underwriter. It was a good choice, but even then, a woman could only advance so far - those glass ceilings are real and will remain so in my opinion.
One last point, since you are on MMM I will assume that money and FIRE is important to you. The money lost over the years because of being paid less than a man can easily become a huge factor in retirement and certainly cost you years in reaching FIRE.
It may be an innocent assumption to be mistaken for a wife and as such no big thing, I agree with you there - but it shows where women stand in our society. Yes, I know the original comment was not about money - but the fact is - one thing leads to another.
So let's speak out and please do not be one more woman who accepts the status quo and seriously suggests not speaking out lest we are mistaken for that one woman in hundreds of thousands who speaks untrue.
Let's hope you never find yourself in a "truly offensive situation" whatever your definition of that might be. These things can get ugly and destroy your life. Even the "mild discomfort:)?" of loss of pay increases over several years or missing a promotion can result in having 25% or more reduction in income in retirement.
I never wished to be part of the statistic that shows women earned less so they have less to live on in retirement.
Anyway, I didn't mean to derail the thread, just to point out that one thing leads to another and because I have promised myself to never again let a statement such as this one stand unchallenged. Carry on:) ...