Author Topic: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes (Read 369256 times)

amyj05 · « **Reply #950 on:** January 06, 2023, 06:57:07 AM »

My all-time favorite joke:

Q: What did the green grape say to the purple grape?

A: "BREATHE, FOOL, BREATHE!!!"

techwiz · « **Reply #951 on:** January 06, 2023, 11:12:12 AM »

Quote from: amyj05 on January 06, 2023, 06:57:07 AM

My all-time favorite joke:

Q: What did the green grape say to the purple grape?

A: "BREATHE, FOOL, BREATHE!!!"

That green grape always has the sickest jokes.

Tigerpine · « **Reply #952 on:** January 06, 2023, 11:30:18 AM »

Courtesy of my young nephew:

Knock knock!

Who's there?

Not me!!!

blue_green_sparks · « **Reply #953 on:** January 12, 2023, 08:29:33 PM »

I went up to my Hispanic friend and said “Mucho.”
It means a lot to him.

techwiz · « **Reply #954 on:** January 13, 2023, 08:35:40 AM »

What’s scarier than Friday the 13th?…

Spoiler: show

What Great Lake should you avoid on Friday the 13th?…

Spoiler: show

Knock knock… Who is there?… Bee… Bee who?…

Spoiler: show

The cops arrested a black cat on Friday the 13th…

Spoiler: show

amyj05 · « **Reply #955 on:** January 13, 2023, 09:30:55 AM »

Quote from: techwiz on January 13, 2023, 08:35:40 AM

What’s scarier than Friday the 13th?…
Spoiler: show
These stupid jokes.

What Great Lake should you avoid on Friday the 13th?…
Spoiler: show
Lake Erie

Knock knock… Who is there?… Bee… Bee who?…
Spoiler: show
Bee-ware! It’s Friday the Thirteenth!

The cops arrested a black cat on Friday the 13th…
Spoiler: show
they said it was a purr-patrator

These are all great! I hadn't heard any of them before now.

Taran Wanderer · « **Reply #956 on:** January 13, 2023, 11:37:23 AM »

Quote from: techwiz on January 13, 2023, 08:35:40 AM

What’s scarier than Friday the 13th?…
Spoiler: show
These stupid jokes.

These are great. When I shared them with friends, I made sure to put this one at the end…

Glenstache · « **Reply #957 on:** January 13, 2023, 12:49:02 PM »

Quote from: techwiz on January 13, 2023, 08:35:40 AM

Reminds me of this bit of visual stupid joke:

ATtiny85 · « **Reply #958 on:** January 24, 2023, 06:48:05 AM »

How did Jesus maintain his physique?

Spoiler: show

Luke Warm · « **Reply #959 on:** January 24, 2023, 07:50:15 AM »

Quote from: ATtiny85 on January 24, 2023, 06:48:05 AM

How did Jesus maintain his physique?

Spoiler: show
Crossfit

(nailed it)

God, that was awful.

Glenstache · « **Reply #960 on:** January 24, 2023, 11:20:30 AM »

Quote from: Luke Warm on January 24, 2023, 07:50:15 AM

Quote from: ATtiny85 on January 24, 2023, 06:48:05 AM

How did Jesus maintain his physique?

Spoiler: show
Crossfit

(nailed it)

God, that was awful.

I think he nailed it.

LennStar · « **Reply #961 on:** January 24, 2023, 12:38:08 PM »

Quote from: Glenstache on January 24, 2023, 11:20:30 AM

Quote from: Luke Warm on January 24, 2023, 07:50:15 AM
Quote from: ATtiny85 on January 24, 2023, 06:48:05 AM

How did Jesus maintain his physique?

Spoiler: show
Crossfit

(nailed it)

God, that was awful.
I think he nailed it.

Or as we Germans would say: He hit the nail on the head.

techwiz · « **Reply #962 on:** February 02, 2023, 02:22:15 PM »

Why Is A Bad Joke Like A Bad Pencil?

Spoiler: show

RetiredAt63 · « **Reply #963 on:** February 02, 2023, 05:40:33 PM »

How did the 2 wrist bones get to work?

Spoiler: show

snic · « **Reply #964 on:** February 02, 2023, 07:39:41 PM »

What's brown and sticky?

Spoiler: show

techwiz · « **Reply #965 on:** February 15, 2023, 05:43:44 AM »

Why do skunks love Valentine’s Day?

Spoiler: show

Glenstache · « **Reply #966 on:** February 16, 2023, 11:23:06 AM »

What was the witch's favorite computer feature?

Spoiler: show

simonsez · « **Reply #967 on:** February 16, 2023, 03:11:47 PM »

Why do cheetahs skip breakfast?

Spoiler: show

GuitarStv · « **Reply #968 on:** February 22, 2023, 09:31:41 AM »

Quote from: simonsez on February 16, 2023, 03:11:47 PM

Why do cheetahs skip breakfast?

Spoiler: show
They fast!

I was going to go with "Every day is a cheat day when you're a cheetah!"

Glenstache · « **Reply #969 on:** February 22, 2023, 10:28:19 AM »

Quote from: GuitarStv on February 22, 2023, 09:31:41 AM

Quote from: simonsez on February 16, 2023, 03:11:47 PM
Why do cheetahs skip breakfast?

Spoiler: show
They fast!

I was going to go with "Every day is a cheat day when you're a cheetah!"

on the big cat jokes....

Why didn't anyone trust the King of the Jungle?

Spoiler: show

Taran Wanderer · « **Reply #970 on:** February 22, 2023, 11:32:57 AM »

What’s a lion’s favorite soccer player?

Spoiler: show

Glenstache · « **Reply #971 on:** February 22, 2023, 01:21:56 PM »

Quote from: GuitarStv on February 22, 2023, 09:31:41 AM

Quote from: simonsez on February 16, 2023, 03:11:47 PM
Why do cheetahs skip breakfast?

Spoiler: show
They fast!

I was going to go with "Every day is a cheat day when you're a cheetah!"

maybe...

Why did the cat get divorced?

Spoiler: show

techwiz · « **Reply #972 on:** March 17, 2023, 07:01:45 AM »

Happy St. Patty's Day!

What’s Dwayne Johnson’s Irish nickname?

Spoiler: show

How did the leprechaun go to the moon?

Spoiler: show

geekette · « **Reply #973 on:** March 21, 2023, 11:07:37 AM »

Did you hear about the homeopath who forgot to take their ‘medicine’?

They died of an overdose!

techwiz · « **Reply #974 on:** March 21, 2023, 11:23:27 AM »

Pun enters a room, kills 10 people....

Spoiler: show

A friend of mine was in a bad mood so I tried a list of 10 puns to try to cheer him up...

Spoiler: show

Phenix · « **Reply #975 on:** March 21, 2023, 01:44:04 PM »

After all these years, it's nice to know my wife still finds my body attractive. As I was walking out of the room the other day I heard her say, "what an ass."

techwiz · « **Reply #976 on:** May 04, 2023, 09:20:47 AM »

What is the internal temperature of a Tauntaun?

Spoiler: show

Why did Episodes 4, 5, and 6 come out before 1, 2, and 3?

Spoiler: show

Which website did Chewbacca get arrested for creating?

Spoiler: show

Knock, knock…
Who’s there?…
Noah…
Noah, who?…

Spoiler: show

GuitarStv · « **Reply #977 on:** May 04, 2023, 10:21:32 AM »

Josiecat22222 · « **Reply #978 on:** May 04, 2023, 06:22:44 PM »

Well played on star wars day, @GuitarStv .

May the 4th be with you!

ATtiny85 · « **Reply #979 on:** May 05, 2023, 06:08:35 AM »

Why should you never pay full price for real estate listed as divisible?

Spoiler: show

techwiz · « **Reply #980 on:** October 06, 2023, 12:27:00 PM »

Did you hear about the last remaining unit in the condo?

Spoiler: show

PhilB · « **Reply #981 on:** November 30, 2023, 09:01:13 AM »

Stolen from:
https:vm.tiktok.com/ZGedRTcLM/

techwiz · « **Reply #982 on:** December 20, 2023, 07:33:52 AM »

Why didn’t Rudolph get a good report card?

Spoiler: show

How does the snow globe feel this year?

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What did the stamp say to the Christmas card?

Spoiler: show

What did the gingerbread man say after all the cookies were eaten?

Spoiler: show

Why are Christmas ornaments addicted to Christmas?

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Why does the Grinch enjoy gardening?

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What is a Christmas tree’s favorite candy?

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What did the naughty soccer announcer get from Santa Claus?

Spoiler: show

What did one snowman say to the other?

Spoiler: show

What did the gingerbread man say when the gingerbread woman asked how she looked?

Spoiler: show

How does a sheep say, “Merry Christmas”?

Spoiler: show

What is Santa Claus’s favorite type of potato chip?

Spoiler: show

Happy Holidays!

nereo · « **Reply #983 on:** December 20, 2023, 08:44:01 AM »

What's the most condescending type of bear?

Spoiler: show

Glenstache · « **Reply #984 on:** December 20, 2023, 04:46:17 PM »

Coroner to best friend: What a tough day at work. I saw my exes body come through the morgue.

Best friend:

Spoiler: show

EchoStache · « **Reply #985 on:** January 01, 2024, 03:53:51 PM »

Why do firemen wear red suspenders?

Spoiler: show

EchoStache · « **Reply #986 on:** January 01, 2024, 03:54:28 PM »

The police pulled Chuck Norris over for speeding once.

Spoiler: show

Zoot · « **Reply #987 on:** February 23, 2024, 06:58:51 AM »

A priest, a nun, and a rabbi walk in to a bar.

Spoiler: show

techwiz · « **Reply #988 on:** February 23, 2024, 07:06:14 AM »

Why did the bicycle fall over?

Spoiler: show

techwiz · « **Reply #989 on:** February 29, 2024, 07:15:17 AM »

What’s a great thing about leap-year jokes?

Spoiler: show

solon · « **Reply #990 on:** February 29, 2024, 11:34:14 AM »

Three conspiracy theorists walk into a bar.

Don't tell me that's a coincidence.

techwiz · « **Reply #991 on:** March 13, 2024, 06:36:36 AM »

Why did the stock trader bring a ladder to the trading floor?

Spoiler: show

GuitarStv · « **Reply #992 on:** March 13, 2024, 07:49:17 AM »

So you're on a boat, in knee deep water, pretty far from the shore and the motor has just failed. You look at your watch and realize that you screwed up the time and need to catch your plane. You can see the airport taxi pulling in at the dock to pick you up, but you know they won't wait long. Why is this a legal problem?

Spoiler: show

simonsez · « **Reply #993 on:** March 13, 2024, 09:52:28 AM »

Quote from: techwiz on February 29, 2024, 07:15:17 AM

What’s a great thing about leap-year jokes?
Spoiler: show
That you only hear them repeated every 4 years.

Yeah, the Julian version does sound smoother than the Gregorian

Spoiler: show

Dicey · « **Reply #994 on:** March 13, 2024, 10:00:36 AM »

Why can a chicken coop only have two doors?

Spoiler: show

reeshau · « **Reply #995 on:** March 13, 2024, 10:37:37 AM »

Quote from: Dicey on March 13, 2024, 10:00:36 AM

Why can a chicken coop only have two doors?

Spoiler: show
If it had four doors, it would be a sedan.

My 8-yesr-old son came home with that one a week ago. I worked in the car business, so he got a lot of mileage out of it.

LennStar · « **Reply #996 on:** March 13, 2024, 11:37:47 AM »

Quote from: reeshau on March 13, 2024, 10:37:37 AM

Quote from: Dicey on March 13, 2024, 10:00:36 AM
Why can a chicken coop only have two doors?

Spoiler: show
If it had four doors, it would be a sedan.

My 8-yesr-old son came home with that one a week ago. I worked in the car business, so he got a lot of mileage out of it.

Sounds like he didn't put any brakes on that joke!

Phenix · « **Reply #997 on:** March 14, 2024, 07:31:23 AM »

Quote from: LennStar on March 13, 2024, 11:37:47 AM

Quote from: reeshau on March 13, 2024, 10:37:37 AM
Quote from: Dicey on March 13, 2024, 10:00:36 AM
Why can a chicken coop only have two doors?

Spoiler: show
If it had four doors, it would be a sedan.

My 8-yesr-old son came home with that one a week ago. I worked in the car business, so he got a lot of mileage out of it.
Sounds like he didn't put any brakes on that joke!

This joke is used, though well-maintained, and comes with a high rate of interest

techwiz · « **Reply #998 on:** March 15, 2024, 06:44:31 AM »

What’s wrong with the equation 'pi r squared?'

Spoiler: show

techwiz · « **Reply #999 on:** March 18, 2024, 06:43:45 AM »

How old are leprechauns?

Spoiler: show

News:

Author Topic: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes (Read 369256 times)