Author Topic: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes  (Read 87882 times)

Feral Car Rescue

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Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #550 on: June 15, 2018, 11:29:07 PM »
Why can't your head be 12" long?

Because then it would be a foot.

Penn42

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Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #551 on: June 16, 2018, 06:45:17 AM »
What has 9 arms and sucks?

Spoiler: show
Def Leopard


Sharing In The Groove

solon

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Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #552 on: June 17, 2018, 03:09:14 AM »
What has 9 arms and sucks?

Spoiler: show
Def Leopard


Booooooooooooooooooo!

Feral Car Rescue

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Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #553 on: June 17, 2018, 08:34:07 PM »
A dung beetle walks into a bar and says, "Hey, is this stool taken?"

techwiz

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Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #554 on: June 18, 2018, 07:53:09 AM »
Steven Spielberg was discussing his new project - an action docudrama about famous composers starring top movie stars. Sylvester Stallone, Steven Segall, Bruce Willis, and Arnold Schwarzenegger were all present. Spielberg strongly desired the box office 'oomph' of these superstars, so he was prepared to allow them to select whatever composers they wished to  portray, as long as they were famous.

"Well," started Stallone, "I've always admired Mozart. I would love to play him."

"Chopin has always been my favorite, and my image would improve if people saw me playing the piano," replied Willis. "I'll play him."

"I've always been partial to Strauss and his waltzes," said Segall. "I'd like to play him."

Spielberg was very pleased with these choices. "Sounds splendid." Then, turning to Schwarzenegger, he asked, "Who do you want to be, Arnold?"  Arnold in a slow deliberate voice replied, "I'll be Bach."

Koogie

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Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #555 on: June 29, 2018, 11:21:49 AM »
What do you call a dog that works in an ice cream shop ?

Spoiler: show
Scoopy Doo



Fermentation is a miracle of nature.
Distillation is a miracle of science.
Better living through Science !

Semi-ERd: September 2015 at 42.

birdman2003

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Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #556 on: June 29, 2018, 12:19:32 PM »
You don't need a parachute to go sky diving.  You need a parachute to go sky diving twice.

nereo

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Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #557 on: June 29, 2018, 12:30:32 PM »
You don't need a parachute to go sky diving.  You need a parachute to go sky diving twice.
Similar to: 
Q: "Is this plant edible?"
A: "Everything's edible the first time..."
"Do not confuse complexity with superiority"

Koogie

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Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #558 on: July 03, 2018, 05:31:16 PM »
Why do bees have sticky hair ?

Spoiler: show
Because they use honey combs


Fermentation is a miracle of nature.
Distillation is a miracle of science.
Better living through Science !

Semi-ERd: September 2015 at 42.

Bracken_Joy

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Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #559 on: July 03, 2018, 05:40:16 PM »
Why do bees have sticky hair ?

Spoiler: show
Because they use honey combs


Reminds me of a very stupid rhyme my dad always tells:

"I eat my peas with honey,
I've done so all my life.
It makes them taste real funny,
But it keeps them on my knife!"
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HiddenSp0t

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Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #560 on: July 06, 2018, 04:31:25 AM »
How does a train eat?
It goes chew chew.

Mon€yp€nny

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Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #561 on: July 06, 2018, 03:07:55 PM »
A turtle, a rabbit and a cheetah are sitting in a pub. 'I'm so bored', the cheetah says. 'Me too' says the rabbit. The turtle replies 'I'm also bored but you know what, I live next door, shall I fetch a deck of cards at home so we can play cards?' The rabbit and the cheetah think that is a great idea and the turtle goes home.

An hour later, he is still not back. 'Looks like he is not coming back', says the rabbit. 'He probably passed out on the couch, let's go home too', says the Cheetah. As they stand up, they hear from behind the door 'Don't you dare!!! I  just managed to cross the doorstep for you two!'


Why did the dumb blonde take a fork with her in the car?
To cut corners.

How can you see a dumb blonde used a computer?
Wite out on the screen




Radiowave

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Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #562 on: July 08, 2018, 07:11:40 PM »
A baby seal walks into a club...
The future is bulletproof, the aftermarth is secondary (c)

Koogie

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Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #563 on: Today at 08:16:38 AM »
~ stole this from someones signature line in a different forum.


If you get attacked by a gang of clowns, go for the juggler.
Fermentation is a miracle of nature.
Distillation is a miracle of science.
Better living through Science !

Semi-ERd: September 2015 at 42.

Raymond Reddington

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Re: Tell Me Your Stupid Jokes
« Reply #564 on: Today at 11:45:39 AM »
-The NSA is the only part of government that actually listens to the people.

-The grass is greener on the other side because it's been fertilized with bullshit

-You know Apple is run by men when they call it an iPhone 6+ and it's only 5.5 inches.

-A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, "Please help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure it out." So he asks, "What's it supposed to be when it's finished?" "According to the picture on the box, a tiger," she answers. So he goes over to help. After about 5 seconds, he turns to her and says, "Honey, I have bad news. No matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a tiger." Her eyes get puffy, and she is about to cry. He continues, "So honey, don't get upset, I'm gonna make you a nice cup of tea. And then...we're gonna put all the Frosted Flakes back in the box."

-A blonde goes to the doctor and he asks what's wrong with her. "Oh, help! I've broken every bone in my body!" she says. "How do you know?" the doctor replies. "Well," she goes on, "It hurts whenever I touch anypart of my body." She touches her arm, "Ow!" Touches her leg, "Oh God!" Touches her wrist, and looks like she's about to cry, and then she touches her foot, and even her jaw. She is literally on the verge of tears. "See, doc?" she finally asks. He thinks for a minute, "OK let's get you X-rayed." She smiles, and agrees that would be a good idea. After her X-ray, she has to wait a few minutes for the results. The doctor and the radiologist are talking loudly outside in the hallway, almost to the point of yelling, but she can't hear what they're saying. Then the doctor comes back in. "Well, I've got good news and bad news," he says. She look at him, "OK." "The good news is you haven't broken every bone in your body. The bad news is you're broken your finger."

-I rear ended a car this morning. A bad start to the day. The driver got out of the car, and he was a dwarf! He looked up at me and said, "I am NOT happy." I said, "Well, which one are you then?" And that's how the fight started.
"The reality about transportation is that it's future oriented. If we're planning for what we have, we're behind the curve." -Anthony Foxx

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